Better Conversations: Coaching Ourselves and Each Other to Be More Credible, Caring, and Connected

by Jim Knight

Check out The Better Conversations  


"I thought I knew how to have a conversation; I’ve had millions of them.  Some were good, others not so much so. But I want to have GREAT conversations, and Jim Knight has taught me how. The proof is better conversations are possible and the results are worth the investment."
--DOUGLAS FISHER
Coauthor of  Rigorous Reading  and  Unstoppable Learning

Because conversation is the lifeblood of any school
You don’t want this book―you need this book. Why this confident claim? Think about how many times you’ve walked away from school conversations, sensing they could be more productive, but at a loss for how to improve them.

Enter instructional coaching expert Jim Knight, who in Better Conversations honors our capacity for improving our schools by improving our communication. Asserting that our schools are only as good as the conversations within them, Jim shows us how to adopt the habits essential to transforming the quality of our dialogues. 

As coaches, as administrators, as teachers, it’s time to thrive. Learn how Our students’ academic, social, and emotional growth depends upon our doing this hard work. It’s time to roll up our sleeves, open our minds, and dare to change for the better of the students we serve. You can get started now with  Better Conversations and the accompanying  Reflection Guide to Better Conversations .  

Genres: Education, Nonfiction, Leadership, Professional Development, Teaching, Personal Development, Grad School

256 pages, Paperback

First published November 3, 2015

Reviews

[Jeff · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was required reading for a grad class. I can not believe someone wrote an entire book based on being a thoughtful and empathetic listener. Some of the lines from the book could make a great SNL skit ("Honesty is critical for trust because once I realize you are dishonest, I can never be safe with you.") I am both embarrassed that I read this embellishment of common sense, and proud of myself for enduring it.

[Erin McDonnell-Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the book offers some good insight that could be beneficial for people and or student teachers that are struggling to connect with their students, the book itself reads like a literature review and does not offer any exercises for people to try out or work through. Knight only explains what he's done at his research facility in Kansas and the people they've worked with there. There are evaluation forms for conversations at the end of each chapter, but how could someone complete it, without bias, if he/she doesn’t understand his/her conversation struggles?

[Nicole Means · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good ideas but more of a review of books he researched… I have read his other books which read more like a “how-to” than this one.

[Turquoise Brennan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Examples, theories, and research are from other disciplines besides education which was great to see.

[Linda Sahagun · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that we chose to read as a team of Instructional Coaches for work. The insights on personal communication have been life changing for me. It has helped me not only in my work as an Implementation coach but also in my personal life. This is one that I will go back to often to continue applying the listening and communication skills that are addressed. The most powerful thing I learned is to be better at communicating we first have to be better at being silent and practice the art of listening with empathy: Commit to really listen, be the listener not the speaker, and pause and think before you respond. I highly recommend this book!

[CreativelyRed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've had this book on the shelf for a while and have referenced occasionally. This week I actually set down to read and really enjoyed it. Not only do the examples lead back to teaching (and other areas of daily life), but everything is approachable and possible. Some ideas seem obvious and many seem challenging but overall a helpful guide filled with worksheets, examples and clear reasoning to help any relationship grow stronger through better conversations.

[Terry Maguire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got so many practical tips from this well-researched, well-organized, and informative read. Knight's "Better conversation beliefs" section would be helpful for members of any organization- but particularly schools (his examples throughout the book are almost entirely school-based). These beliefs are:
- I see conversation partners as equals
- I want to hear what others have to say
- I believe people should have a lot of autonomy
- I don't judge others
- Conversation should be back and forth
- Conversation should be life-giving
We used Chapter 6: Connecting as part of a department read and tracked all our bids for conversation and connection with others throughout the week. Colleagues who implemented the suggestions in that chapters felt that it improved their relationships with colleagues and students.
Knight also offers good advice for how to avoid toxic connections- which he defines as ones that diminish others. I found the whole book worthwhile - particularly the sections on empathy, and humility.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent professional development book not just for teachers but for parents and couples. Loads of practical resources, testimonies of people who have followed the program and much reflection to take away after reading for the first time. This is a book I will keep and revisit again and again. I'll use it to be more patient and understanding with my children (and not blow my top so often). I'll use it with my husband to not get so annoyed and lash out without taking the time to think, listen and find common ground. And I'll use it in my profession with other teachers and students to foster a more caring and connected learning environment. My biggest challenge at work will be to not get sucked into toxic conversations. This will be hard as there are some people who I often engage in toxic conversations with. It will change what we talk about and I look forward to witnessing the good that comes from it.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives you all of the tools you need to consider the relationships in your life. While the intended audience herein may be instructional coaches, the basics on getting to “better conversations” apply to all organizational units from the relationship with your significant other to massive corporations. The brilliance in this work is in the connections Jim Knight makes between the research and ideas of so many writers and thinkers. You will leave this book with a reading list that you cannot wait to delve into and some things to try right away in your next conversation. I will be rereading this and working through the reflection guide next. As I continue to do this work, I cannot help but imagine a world where more of us intentionally and skillfully enter conversations with presence and empathy.

[Brittney Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm an instructional coach and read this as part of my professional development. Even though the book is written for coaches, I think anyone could benefit from reading it. Jim Knight asks us to take a close and unflinching look at the way we communicate with others. Most of the ideas are not surprising or brand-new, but they are organized and presented in a way that helped me recognize personal next steps I need to take in my communication habits.
I found the book quick and easy to read. I love that Jim Knight's writing is always full of hope - hope for the future of our society and hope for the future of education. Jim Knight also references many other books and studies that can be read if you would like to learn more about communication.
I think this is a great book to read if you are interesting in using your communication game and improving your relationships.

[Catherine Rodriguez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for work in hopes that it would give me further insight on how to develop as a coach and co-worker, and I found plenty of thoughts for reflection. Many of the concepts here are basic/elementary, so it was good there was lots of space in the margin to annotate and write down more leading questions to return to. There's certainly a lot to relate to.

Whether I use this wisdom as I'm working with students or as I interact with teammates (or even apply it to my personal life), I think it was worth reading about and will continue to give me more as I reflect and go back to read my notes.

[Margo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has excellent implications for educators, especially those interested in instructional coaching, but what I loved about this book is that the ideas presented are applicable for everyone, especially in their personal relationships and lives. Getting better at conversing is great for someone whose job it is to help them become the best teacher possible, but it also will strengthen our relationships and marriages.

[Reagan Suzanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. It was both repetitive and only surface level—I felt like very simple things were mentioned repeatedly, but there weren’t a lot of concrete examples of the deeper concepts. There are some templates to use the help you reflect-those may be the most helpful things in the book. Other Jim Knight books include video examples and this one did not, which was disappointing. Some of the concepts were helpful, but I think it could have been better.

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book full of resoruces for any professional - but especially instructional coaches! Full of examples and testimony from coaches Knight has worked with, and lots of great suggestions from further reading - a great read that really helps you think about how language and conversations really have the power to shape everything.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been reading this book a little at a time over the course of the school year. There are so many great nuggets of information not only about how to hold conversations, but also about how to be a leader and decent human being. I can't wait to continue digging into these ideas and principles...so much to mull over.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Full disclosure. I only made it through Chapter 2. It was too full of “so and so said this in their research” and “so and so said this in their research.” That’s really lovely that you compiled a book full of someone else’s research but what can YOU tell me? I’m not hooked that this will actually lead to better conversations so I’ll set it aside and maybe come back to it later.

[Robert Hanson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parts of the book are 4 stars but most of it is 3 star. I was hoping for more relatable examples that happen within schools for teachers, not just admin or instructional coaches. Also, perhaps some specific guidance on what area to work on (like a quiz that helps identify areas). I can self reflect to identify things I could work on, but there may be some areas I am not aware.

[Rod Naquin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, practical book with tons of reflective resources for talkers in schools—aka everyone. Turned me on to bids and Gottman, and really helpful in its conceptualization of dialogue and everyday advice w finding the good, common ground, trust, humility and curiosity. Neat stuff in questions too

[Melanie Falconer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as part of my work as a mentor facilitator for my school. I have also heard Jim Knight speak twice. This is an excellent book for those who want to improve their conversational skills in order to support work within schools. The information in the book is meaningful and practical! I highly recommend it!

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading this book, I feel much better equipped to have difficult conversations. I’ve even had the opportunity to practice the strategies. It also helped me to be reflective and identify my biggest conversation error. Now that I know, I am more thoughtful to avoid it. All that aside, it was not a boring read.

[Angie Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this book was written specifically for instructional coaches, the lessons in it extend far beyond this audience. Educators, leaders, and organizers would all benefit from the ideas this book breaks down. There's nothing surprising in it but it does incorporate research in a way that makes the ideas very practical.

[Gabrielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read for grad school. While some may find the observations obvious or irritating, honestly, this book did help me. It helped me gain consciousness about the negative conversation habits I have. This book has become part of my journey to be a better listener and more respectful to those who speak to me.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for work and have found myself pausing and thinking about my triggers, how can I be more open in my conversations vs. trying to convince during my conversations, and other strategies suggested in this book. Very useful.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this with a friend and it was very helpful. A good refresher to catch bad habits and cultivate new ones to promote growth, warmth, empathy, and goodness in conversations, professionally and personally.

[Emily Graves · Rating 4 out of 5]

The common sense of this book is well researched and the embedded reflection, evaluation, and goal setting forms are valuable resources. I will continue to re-read and use the tools in this text not only in my career but in my life.

[Lea · Rating 4 out of 5]

All of the strategies listed are common sense but are not inherent. You must work to be a good listener and partner in conversations. These skills are important for any position you would ever have in life.

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read for work and enjoyed it enough to add it here. Written for coaching teachers but applicable for all areas of life.

[Jlemerson27 · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great resource for conversations with anyone.

[Jennifer Eckert · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great guide for being a better listener and coach. There’s lots to reflect on practice. I’ll be coming back to this one.

[jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pieces of this book are 4-5 stars and others 2-3. Made for a good study group book.