Big Data Is Watching You!

by Bruce Hartman

It’s way past 1984. Your toothbrush, your coffee maker and your Rice Krispies are running your life. But don’t worry... BIG DATA IS WATCHING YOU!

Welcome to Goozle Earth®, a dystopia where the all-knowing and all-powerful force of Big Data rules humanity through the Internet of Things and the corporate power of Goozle Inc. Where English® and every possible combination of words has been copyrighted and the only law is the Terms of Service, which has been replaced by the Terms of Servitude. Where the proudly psychopathic Higgs, Caesar and Emperor Omnipotent (CEO) of Goozle Inc., is determined to launch the Next Big Thing.

Smith, a happy native of this paradise, wanders off the grid and discovers sex®, the knowledge of good and evil, and the pursuit of Happiness. Can he save the human race from the Next Big Thing?

Genres: Dystopia, Science Fiction

243 pages, Paperback

First published November 10, 2015

About the author

Bruce Hartman has worked as a pianist, bookseller and attorney. The author of twelve novels, he divides his time between Pennsylvania and Colorado. He has been writing fiction for many years.

Bruce Hartman's first western, LEGEND OF LOST BASIN, was published in September 2024. Kirkus Reviews called it, "A riveting addition to the Western genre... Skillful storytelling and rich characterizations make this a must-read for fans of Westerns or those who just like good storytelling.," The book aims to transcend the western genre into the area of literary fiction. It was Finalist for the Spur Award from the Western Writers of America for Best Traditional Western Novel in 2025. It was also awarded the Peacemaker Award by Western Fictioneers for Best First Western Novel.

His second western to be published was THE DIVIDE, the second book in the Lost West Trilogy.

Prior to those westerns, his most recent book was THE PHILOSOPHICAL DETECTIVE'S LAST CASE, the third and final book of the Philosphical Detective Trilogy. The previous books are THE PHILOSOPHICAL DETECTIVE, published in 2014, and THE PHILOSOPHICAL DETECTIVE RETURNS, published in 2020. All three novels feature the iconic Argentine writer Jorge Luis Borges wrestling with an extraordinary series of crimes and the equally baffling conundrums of literature and philosophy, including Zeno's paradoxes, the mind/body problem, and the mysteries of destiny, memory, personal identity and artistic creation. Kirkus Reviews called THE PHILOSOPHICAL DETECTIVE "a suspenseful, pitch-perfect novel.. an intelligent, original detective novel." Midwest Book Review rated THE PHILOSOPHICAL DETECTIVE RETURNS as "...highly recommended for classic detective story enthusiasts who look for complexity and intellectual challenges in their characters and stories."

Bruce Hartman's previous book, PAROLE, is a crime thriller in the tradition of Elmore Leonard about an unlikely pair of parolees from San Quentin struggling against the odds to recover their lives and fortunes in L.A. If it were a movie, it would probably be classified as an action/comedy/thriller. It has recently become available as an audiobook on Audible.

His first novel, PERFECTLY HEALTHY MAN DROPS DEAD, won the Salvo Press Mystery Novel Award and was published by Salvo Press in 2008. In 2018 it was reissued by Swallow Tail Press in a revised Tenth Anniversary Edition (both paperback and ebook).

Bruce Hartman's second book, THE RULES OF DREAMING, published by Swallow Tail Press in 2013, was awarded Kirkus Star for Books of Exceptional Merit. Kirkus Reviews called it "a mind-bending marriage of ambitious literary theory and classic murder mystery" and selected it as one of its "Top 100 Indie Books of 2013." Another mystery, THE MUSE OF VIOLENCE, was also published in 2013.

Bruce Hartman's seventh novel, POTLATCH: A Comedy, is a satirical comedy set in Philadelphia. Readers' Favorite Book Reviews called it "one of the most amusing reads ever to be published."

POTLATCH is the second entry in a projected trilogy which began with A BUTTERFLY IN PHILADELPHIA. Readers' Favorite Book Reviews called BUTTERFLY "one of the strange comic masterpieces that you're quite lucky to run across once in a very great while."

POTLATCH followed another comic novel, BIG DATA IS WATCHING YOU!, a satirical techno-dystopia set in a future in which the all-powerful force of Big Data rules humanity through the Internet of Things and the corporate power of the FANGs. It is the story of how one defiant customer foils the conspiracy to delete humanity from Google Earth. A slightly revised version of this book has also been published under the title, I AM NOT A ROBOT!

Bruce Hartman's eighth novel, a legal thriller entitled THE DEVIL'S CHAPLAIN, was published in 2018. This book tells the story of a young attorney, Charlotte Ambler, who volunteers to represent a death row inmate, a once-prominent biologist named Christopher Ritter,

Reviews

[Katy Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was genius. I imagine some will see it as silly or trivial, but to me it made an excellent point and weaved the plot, characters and fear of 1984 into a 'comic dystopia' excellently well.

It can be read in a couple of sessions, and while you don't HAVE to have read Orwell to enjoy this, I don't really see the point if you aren't familiar with 1984, Big Brother and Winston Smith.

This, basically, is the story of 1984 if told today in a world where technology has taken over our lives... oh wait...

This is Goozle Earth, where Smith spends his credits creating a fictitious life on Fakebook, is only allowed to love his pet guppies, has never read a book, and the one search engine available (Goozle of course) will give you only one possible answer. Thoughts are monitored, words are copyrighted, Smith hasn't even seen the laws he lives by - the Terms of Service.

This is just my sort of thing, I love well-known source novels being used in a new context. It's very well done and constantly made me smile, even though I haven't read 1984 for more than a decade.

CHOICE IS OBEDIENCE. BIG DATA IS WATCHING YOU. The religious implications of Smith's Goozle Earth, I enjoyed as well, the lunacy of the mass delusion and the horrendous intrusion of customer service (who respond to your thoughts) is hilarious (with ten hour waiting times) and terrifying.

I liked Smith, though he reminded me more of the main character from Brave New World than his namesake. Julia is a straightforward character, when Smith leaves his world and the grid, her 'natural' life and charms show him the life, love and knowledge he has been missing. O'Brien, now a woman, has a great role to play, alongside the totally crazy Higgs, CEO of Goozle, and progenitor of a fiendish and narcissistic plan.

Taking a step beyond its source, Smith and Julia get the chance to save the world from the Next Big Thing, and may even save a celebrity or two along the way (Urethra Spanklin, Arnold Schnortzensnickers).

I did think Hartman could have made more of one of the (what I consider) major points he's making - the Yoots / Beast Folk, i.e. the young people so engrossed in technology that they've willingly let it take over their lives and rob them of their lives and freedoms. They show up as dogsbodies every so often, beating people off with selfie sticks. I wanted to see more of them.

This isn't 1984, I'm sure you've realised by now, but it uses Orwell's classic brilliantly to make an excellent point - that we need to be aware of how intimately we allow technology to access our lives, to run our lives and take over our lives. That this story, while very funny, is a society that could not so remotely be a direction we take. It's still all about control, surveillance, compliance - but rather than to a Big Brother society, to a connected and wired one.

I will definitely look out for more by Hartman, and would highly recommend this to anyone who likes Orwell, but also who doesn't mind liberties being taken and enjoys a tongue-in-cheek tale.

Review of a NetGalley advance copy.

[Stephen · Rating 3 out of 5]

was given by netgalley for a honest review..
easy going parody based on modern social media with elements of huxley, orwell and the blade runner in parts does make me laugh but some of the plot could of been tighter though but does make you wonder though about implications of censorship and reliance on social media.

[Kelly Jameson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bruce Hartman never disappoints. I really enjoyed many things about this book. It is a socially relevant comedy that pokes fun at how Big Data is taking over our lives, running everything from marketing meetings to our home appliances to our passions and hygiene. It is subtle and overt and timely, with characters who are so robotic and unthinking that even their passionate "caresses are ordered like bullet points in a presentation."

We get a taste of things to come in the beginning of the book: "Long before Smith woke up, his condo had been the scene of feverish activity on the part of his furniture and appliances.The kitchen cupboard, having noted a shortage of desiccated carbohydrate flakes, and the refrigerator, which had discerned a
dwindling supply of simulated fat-free bovine extraction, had joined forces to notify Amazzon, which promptly dispatched a drone containing the needed supplies. His mattress had recorded his sleep patterns, body weight, pulse and blood pressure, and relayed this information to the Cloud. At sunrise the blinds flew open and lights flashed over his bed, propelling him to the
kitchen table, where hot coffee steamed in his mug and his favorite breakfast was laid out before him. After breakfast he showered and dressed for work, which took a little longer than usual. His cereal spoon, having detected bad breath, had dispatched a signal to his toothbrush, recommending that it
spend more time on the lower left molars. The green tights and tunic that he wore every day (and which identified him as a Level 5 Publicist) had detected body odor, dandruff and toenail fungus. Fortunately all these conditions could be remedied by Big Data before he reached the office." Read it and laugh. Read it and weep. Read it. Some day we will all have chips in our heads and Big Data will do all of our thinking for us. None of us will be able to do anything without first doing a "Goozle" search. If you enjoy clever, self-deprecating, prescient humor, this book is for you.

[Charles Jr. · Rating 3 out of 5]

George Orwell's 1984 here morphs into an effective dystopian satire of a society, unfortunately not all that fictitious, based on and in servitude to corporate social media and online connectivity.

Following a worldwide environmental disaster (caused by science's bungled attempt at controlling climate change), the only large-scale infrastructure left functioning was Goozle, a ubiquitous online search engine/database/social-media network, with a monopoly on information. Now poverty, war, crime and - thanks to nano-tech implants, that go along with wetwiring everyone into the network - even sickness and aging are obsolete, as happy immortals live and work in the land of Goozle Earth as consumers and generators of content.

But there is a price. Goozle transmits signals that suppress human sexual desire (with exceptions made for the top one percent of Senior Management). Netizens are monitored for any activity that does not match their "Fakebook" profile; such thought-crimes are violations of Terms of Service. Feckless hero Smith is one rebel; a website publicist, he meets a rural community of rustics dwelling outside the cell towers (too-good-to-be-a-spoiler alert: we belatedly learn these scorned outcasts had been Yahoo users) and falls for country-girl Julia.

Soon Smith doubts the Big Data that rules his existence with religious omnipotence. Meanwhile, psychotic Goozle CEO Higgs has decided that the Next Big Thing is to move the whole population away from bodily existence to their next logical step of evolution in "the Cloud." AKA extinction.

Author Hartman burlesques not only Orwellian tropes but also Kafka, academia, West Coast celebrity narcissism, the jury-trial system, business copyrights and trademarks, and the awful music played when one is holding on the line for tech support. Along the way he punningly brings up Wonkapedia, McRonalds, Justin Bleeper, Arnold Schnortzensnickers, Microzoff and Feral Express.

Characterizations may be on the thin side (long an occupational hazard of spoofing), but one cannot help but like an author who counts the likes of Huxley, Bradbury, Philip K. Dick, the Marx Brothers and P.G. Wodehouse as inspirations in the afterward.

[Saidah Gilbert · Rating 1 out of 5]

The title said that it was supposed to be a comic dystopia. I found a dystopia but there was no comedy.
It was like reading Brave New World again only updated to include modern technology. Unlike when I read Brave New World, I did not think it a satire of a future world. It felt like a long drawn-out political and social commentary on today's world. Perhaps I shouldn't have chosen to read this particular book on my birthday. I may not have been in the correct frame of mind to appreciate the story.

[Lynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny spoof, mostly of the way that modern society mirrors 1984.

[Craig · Rating 3 out of 5]

Big Data Is Watching You! Set sometime in the distant future, Earth has been patented and now is called Goozle Earth. Life spans have increased and the only law that is recognized is the terms of service. Our protagonist for this kooky adventure is Smith. Smith is a self-confessed moron that works for Celebrity Solutions as a Level 5 publicist. His world is turned upside down when he meets Julia, who lives outside of the system and informs Smith that his freedom and happiness is a lie and that he and everyone else living within Goozle Earth is living in a dystopian society. But the only problem with that is Smith isn’t sure what that exactly means.

This has been a hard review for me to write. Not because I didn’t enjoy the book because I did mostly. I just didn’t know how to approach the main criticism I had with this book without being too harsh on the author of this book. After all, comedy is subjective, what I find unfunny others might find funny, but the truth is from my perspective the comedy in this book just doesn’t work at all or is it because in my opinion this feels more like a serious science fiction novel that’s masquerading as a comedy? I’m unsure how to answer that question. Even after finishing this novel I can’t answer that question. It’s been bugging me and it’s still bugging now. However, for this reviewer sanity, I have to deem this as the weakest link in this otherwise good novel.

The story, however, is a good one, for the most part, it’s about corporations and their policies buying influence with people in power. How social media has overtaken our everyday life, after all, we spend an average of nine hours a day (8 hours and 41 minutes to be exact) looking at our phones, checking out our social media accounts. Also, how our obsessions with celebrities verges on deity worship. All interesting threads to follow for this novel and Bruce Hartman does a good job interweaving them together into a coherent story. The building of this world is very detailed and quite interesting as well. Bruce Hartman feeds us snippets of this throughout the novel and details how our world turned into their world. If we could forget the comedy aspect for just a second, then Bruce Hartman would have a good novel in his hands. I would even say this a very interesting social commentary about our generation. But I can’t forget that a major element of this novel (the comedy) just doesn’t work and as much as I would love to sweep that under the carpet I can’t. Which upsets me because this book is a good read. However, even the strongest element of the book (the story) falls apart near the end of the novel. Which I can’t really go into unfortunately without divulging major spoilers.

So will you like it? This is a tough one like I’ve said comedy is subjective you may love the comedy in this novel. If you do, then you’re probably going to take away a lot from this novel. However, if, like me, you don’t, then your only hope is that you enjoy the story which for the first three-quarters' is a pretty strong story, but it’s let down by the final act. So will you like it? I feel this book will divide opinion. This maybe a good book to pick up at the Library if you see it on the shelves, but I couldn’t recommend you parting with your money for it.

[Donnie Burgess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Big Data is Watching You! is a satirical look into our own future through the eyes of one man, Smith, who isn’t aware that there is a future – or a past for that matter. Living under the watchful eye of the Goozle servers, Smith doesn’t have a data unit package high enough to worry about anything more than his job (throwing Celebrities to the lions) and his guppies. That all changes when he meets a Yahoo named Julia. She speaks of things like freedom and privacy as if there is more to them that what is defined by the Terms of Service. When Smith begins to question whether she may be right, he starts doing a bit of research. Customer Service notices. Smith finds out just how right she was when Big Data begins pursuing him for a litany of charges, chief among them: questioning the meaning of ‘the pursuit of happiness’.

Big Data is Watching You! paints a dystopian future that is almost too fantastic to be believed, but too believable to be pure fantasy. I particularly enjoyed Bruce Hartman’s ironic wit and an irreverent tone as he lambasted our culture’s reliance on computers, the internet, and cloud storage by following their evolution to an (hopefully) unreasonable end. From ‘The Great Stench’ to ‘The Next Big Thing’, Hartman playfully intertwined improbable scenarios with events that seem almost a certainty, leaving me to wonder where the impossible ended and the inevitable began. The story was well crafted and I would recommend it to anyone looking for a bit of light-hearted fun. Big Data is Watching You! will make me think twice before performing my next Goozle search!

Review by Donnie J Burgess for Reader's Favorite. See additional notes on this title on my review page.

[Clarissa Simmens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sense that if Kurt Vonnegut was still with us, he would love this book. Perhaps, though, he’d feel a little jealous that he didn’t write it. Big Data is Watching You! is very different from Cat’s Cradle but definitely an end-of-the-world tale that rivals the disappearance of water. However, Hartman gives us the “Big Stench” so who needs food and water when Monzanno is there to feed us? Is that in the Goozle Earth ® Terms-of-Service? But the celebrities are there to lead the people into much-needed temptation. At the front is Bob Dillweed, whose song “We Ain’t Gonna Work on Big Mackie’s Farm No More” (served up by the food service employees of McRonald’s), is the anthem of the changing times. Anything additional that I say, will give it all away. If you are looking for a funny, intellectual spoof on modern life and people, you will not be disappointed…

[Pamela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me laugh

Thoroughly enjoyed this book! Political and funny, nothing is sacred on Goozle Earth. Well worth reading although I'll never look at the little Cloud icon the same way again. I'll definitely be reading more Bruce Hartman.