How to Repair a Mechanical Heart

Mechanical Hearts #1

by J.C. Lillis

The summer after high school graduation, two cute and snarky boys hit the road in an RV. Their mission: follow the traveling fan convention for Castaway Planet, the cult sci-fi show they're both obsessed with. BRANDON irons his t-shirts, loves the dapper and reserved Castaway android Sim, and hides his pesky Catholic guilt from his out-and-proud roadtrip partner, Abel. ABEL collects funny belt buckles, loves Castaway's brave and dashing Captain Cadmus, has a hot boyfriend with a phoenix tattoo, and has nothing to hide-except his epic crush on Brandon. During their six-week cross-country adventure, Brandon and Abel post new entries on their Castaway Planet fan vlog, spar with an online community of slash fiction writers, meet their TV idols, play with their action figures, uncover big secrets, and maybe possibly fall in love. Can two fanboys face down their obstacles and write themselves a real-life romance-or is fiction the only thing bringing them together?

Genres: Young Adult, LGBT, M M Romance, Romance, Contemporary, Queer, Fiction

284 pages, Paperback

First published September 21, 2012

About the author

J.C. Lillis lives in Baltimore with her patient family and a ragtag band of tropical fish, some of which will be dead by the time you read this. She loves thrift store art, dollhouses, koi ponds, retrofuturism, and peanut butter and banana sandwiches. She hates writing bios.

Reviews

[Julio Genao · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nothing less than completely marvelous.



Full of joy, and humor, and the thing in all of us worth writing about.

Snappy dialogue, a wonderful cast of secondary characters, and the tasty, J.C. Lillis Brand™ writing that bring the boys to the yard.

(And subsequently me as well, as I am a fan of the boys.)

Her prose is delicious.

And this story is as close to the story my heart wants to tell as makes no difference.

Recommended.

[Santino Hassell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can relate to this book in bits and pieces.

I was raised Catholic but when my parents found me with a guy, they knew Catholic guilt wouldn't stick. They weren't religious enough themselves. They went the "you're less of a man, you're a failure as a son" route instead. But even without the religious component, I still made the connection. This book was really about being taught to believe certain things, being trained to feel like you should fulfill certain expectations, and the fucking tragedy of realizing that you cannot live up to that.

I did not cope well as a 18 year old who was suddenly and completely exposed to his parents, so I understood when Brandon had his "relapse". Although my own relapses were way way different and a little more literal (ha). I also understood how hard it is to explain to people who could never understand. Even if you know it sounds ridiculous, even if you know those ingrained guiding principles are wrong, it's not easy to just chuck them. And when you can't, you're judged by the people who are supposed to understand.

There are other things I loved about this book. At first I judged two 18 year olds who walked around clutching action figures, but when Brandon described the feeling of being around people who understood his geeky passion at the con, I got it. I was judging them, but shit, I know for a fact people judge me. Having to explain to people why I love MMOs, why I make GoT reference tables to ensure that all people read and love ASoIaF, and why I spend so much time in writing communities and talking to "internet people" has become a little embarrassing. It's nice when I don't have to explain.

This book was a total riot and made me laugh several times. It also made me smile which is actually harder. Abel and Brandon's moment at the cafe, their hesitance once they realized they both were really into each other, the hot and heavy magical week or two when everything seemed perfect and right, and then the covers being ripped off and reality setting back in until you're suddenly just aware of his flaws and your flaws and the reality of those flaws put together. That was real.

There were other things too. Feeling like you have to live up to the expectations of people in reality and people online, and navigating around that damn minefield, and of course the idea of having to be brave in ways that mean nothing to others but everything to you.

This was an awesome book.

I aspire to reach a level of writing where I can weave in my themes this well.

[Heather K (dentist in my spare time) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Don't hate me friends... I'm struggling a little with how to write a coherent review for this book. As with any book that most of my Goodreads friends love and I don't quite connect with in the same way, I feel like I missed the party bus and I'm left standing in the dust waving my hands screaming "Guys! Wait up!! You forgot about me!" I so so so wanted to be invited to the "How to Repair a Mechanical Heart" love-fest but I think my own personal preferences got in the way.

Let me start with what I loved. This book was funny and well written- no two ways about it. I just about died reading the posts on the Abandon fan-fic site. The fanfic girls squeeing and blogging about their exploding vaginas was some of the funniest stuff I have read in a while. I could have read a book just of blog posts by this author. Brilliant stuff. I also loved the actors from Castaway Planet in all of their drunken, anti-role model glory. These were some moments that I really loved this book and thought it was going to be a 4 or 5 star read for me. However, not all of the parts of this book worked for my own tastes.

I think my major issue is that I don't really like religious themed books. The constant insertion of the priest talking in Brandon's head just irritated me, and I felt like so much of the focus of the story was on religion and Brandon getting over his Catholic guilt. While other readers might like that journey, I quickly grew bored with it. The preachy aspect of the book was too much for me.

I can work with fade-to-black sex in books and still love them. I don't mind it as long as I feel the chemistry between the two guys. Here, I felt more of a friend vibe than anything else. My favorite moments were when Brandon was describing the emotions of his first touches with Abel... the way his whole body froze and broke out in sweats.. that kind of level of detailed description is what I live for. However, once they had their first fade-to-black hook-up, all of those intimate details evaporated. I wanted more intimacy, even if I couldn't get the dirty details.

I have to say, though I have never been involved in fanfic (another one of my problems with this book- I think I would have connected with the story muuuuuch more if I was in a fan-community), I can tell that the writer is no stranger to the world of fan-dom. Her writing about the fan fic bloggers and the Castaway Planet-con felt so authentic. Those moments were the highlight of the book for me.

Don't get me wrong, this was a very cute and enjoyable read, however, I won't be putting this one on my favorites shelf.

[Ami · Rating 5 out of 5]

PERFECT. JUST PERFECT.



I owe this book a gushy opinion -- but I did need time to write up a proper one. THIS, was my first reaction after I finished it: I went drawing pink little hearts around this book, and write AMI-LUV-U-4EVER for the Church of Abandon...


Anywaaaay, few hours after that first posted opinion, I am ready for a proper one. WARNING: This is going to be loooooong, especially because it will start with a personal story. You all just have to suck it up!


My first fandom was back in the mid 90's -- when The X-Files was a major hype, and my family first had Internet (it was new! it was shiny!) and I got all sucked into shipping, and making icons, and making fanarts, and making bad-bad poems about Mulder and Scully. Then, over the years, I also started slashing, and reading some hockey RPFs, and even if I didn't read any fanfics or actors RPFs, I totally got why people were so in love with Jared and Jensen *grin*

Then this book came along -- thank you for everyone involved, who bring this book to my attention: LA, Tina, Cole -- and it was like reading a love letter for fans who were involved in fandom at one point of their lives (warts and all). I could see myself in these characters, I giggled and chuckled and almost shouted "Oh, my GOSH, I did that!" several times over.

The main character was Brandon. He was out to his family and he had been having crush with his best friend and fellow vlog Abel for quite awhile. But Brandon grew up in religious Catholic family and he was pretty messed up because of it. This religious issue wasn't done in preaching way -- these people were genuinely concerned about Brandon. Which, I have to admit, was pretty reasonable. If you grew up with certain beliefs, I don't think you could quickly turn yourself back from it. This part of the story was really well-done, in my opinion.

The rest of the plot was also a definite winner. The all-out squeeing of fandom world. The friendship. The romance (I was choked up a bit with the ending, it was so lovely). The self-discovery, self-growth, and self-acceptance.

For the past several weeks, I have been burned out with published m/m titles and ended up reading some free online ones, i.e. hockey RPFs. What I did notice was ... when it came to published m/m titles, I couldn't help feeling like they were a bit polished. It is understandable, since to be published, these stories need to meet some requirements set by editors, publishers, or market demands. Free online fics, however, could maintain being quirky, and loose, and wild, although there are a lot of frogs too before you find the princes and princesses.

In this sense, this book, being self-published, was able to keep that. It was quirky, charming, witty, smart, and all out endearing. The dialogs were fresh and I had to stop myself from highlighting everything because I felt like I hadn't read those lines before, EVER, in any of the published m/m titles.

It was a gem of a story, that's for sure, and it deserves to be widely read by fans of this genre. Even if you don't like YA, for example (I don't read YA either) but this one is worth it.

PS: This book has ROADTRIP!! Someone should've mentioned that fact to me sooner.

[Rosalinda *KRASNORADA* · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hey_mamacitas!!! Listen to me, will ya?

THIS BOOK!!!

"JESUS HORATIO CHRIST ON A MOTORBIKE WITH A DIME-STORE UKULELE AND A RASPBERRY BERET, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS UNBEARABLE WONDERFUL MADNESS????"

I need to come back with a proper review but right now I can only FANGIRL like craaaaazy!

And yes, this is me kissing the book, because that's how I roll...



TEAM ABANDON FOREVER!!!

Thanks Susan and Lenore, your reviews made me bump this up, I owe you big time x

[prag ♻ · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could pay people to read this book, I would. As it is, all I want is to:

Because this is a book worth reading. It’s a book worth loving. This is why I read: so that once in a while, I come across a book that changes my worldview. Sure, the protagonist’s struggle with his religion and sexuality was incredibly important, but the big deciding factor for me on this one was that I really enjoyed it. But then, who wouldn’t?

Fanfiction? Check.
Vlogger protagonists? Check.
Adorable characters? Check.
Lots of snowbaz-esque kissing? Check.
A road trip with angst, drama and more kissing? Check.

WHAT MORE COULD I POSSIBLY WANT?

Imagine you’re having a nutella cookie cup. With the creamiest vanilla icing, mixed with pieces of fresh, juicy strawberries on top. You have blue cotton candy in one hand, and background music is playing: your favorite song, that one song that makes can make you happy no matter what. The weather is great too, and right at that moment, you feel invincible.

Now multiply this feeling by oh, about a thousand times. Then, maybe you’ll have a rough idea of what this book feels like. It’s an ephiphany in itself; a realisation that things can be okay. It's an embodiment of all the things that make you happy, all the while dealing with the demons in your head.

“God is like junior high, Brandon. Graduate already.”

I don't want to get into the plot, because that would be slight spoilery, and plus, where's the fun if you know everything before reading to it? What I can say is that you absolutely need to get your hands on this.

“I can’t see your eyes. Are you freaking?”
Status: Naked. On bed. With boy. Systems overheating. Sudden doubts multiplying. Meltdown imminent.
“No,” I lie.

And if all my rambling didn't convince you to read this book, consider this: I spent about an hour writing this review because this book deserves recognition instead of finishing my project that accounts for 50% of my grade and needs to be submitted about five hours ago.

“What if I do everything all wrong? What if I die of happiness and go right to hell?”

\\pre-review//

I never thought I'd take one glance at a blurb, and say:

But here I am.

Anyway, I'm going to read this ASAP all the while mentally berating myself for not finding it earlier.

[Emma Sea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inarticulate squeeing and love is all I got at this point.

*hugs book*

Some next-day thoughts:

Although Abel and Brandon are the MCs, I thought the shippers were the star of this book. They are the women and girls who had me laughing and smiling to myself like a madwoman.

For a cute, light read, this actully addresses some deep angst and internal conflict involved in being Catholic and gay. I'm making some huge assumptions here, because I am neither Catholic nor gay, so I don't know if this actually comes anywhere near the experience, but it seems to resonate as some value of 'realistic' to me. I also believe that if people who were Catholic did some research about the history of their church doctrine they would be less conflicted, and blow me down, this book actually addresses that point too: religion is not all about the dogma, it's also about community, and sharing your life with the people you love.

The character of Bec seemed to be overlooked somewhat at times. When they boys finally got together I thought for a few pages that they must have left Bec behind (accidentally on purpose?) as she completely disappeared.

Also, read Ami's review, because she covers a lot of my thoughts about the writing i.e. awesome.

This is a YA book, with fade-to-black sex, but I unesitatingly recommend it to all m/m readers, if you usually like YA or not. Funny, adorable, and thought-provoking, it will suck you in and make you want these boys to be real. Dammit, tell me they're real!

[Lenore · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't review this right now because I'm bouncing and squeeing all over the place and exploding into sparkling confetti and little shiny hearts.

Had it not been for the religious stuff, I'd have five-stared this book in a heartbeat. It's four and a half stars; four stars for the story and a half star for the Punxsutawney Phil reference.

[Silvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I keep asking for signs. And here she is. Someone who prays to a neon Virgin Mary and lives her whole life in all-caps and thinks God and my happiness go together just fine.

Wow. This was so incredibly cute and heartwarming, and it's definitely a new favorite of mine.

Brandon lives in a very religious family, to which he came out as gay not long ago. They didn't take it well, bringing their priest into it and all, but allow him to go on a six-weeks road trip with his friend Bec, in the hopes that he...becomes straight and falls in love with her, I guess. This road trip will connect all the locations of the conventions of Castaway Planet, a show Brandon is huge fan of.
Little does his family know that Abel, co-host of the most famous Castaway Planet vlog channel together with Brandon and very openly gay, will go on the road trip with them.
They have one purpose besides meeting the Castaway Planet actors at the conventions: prove the Cadsim (Cadmus+Sim, protagonists of the show) crazy fangirl shippers wrong by asking the actors and creators of the show whether something happened or not between Cadmus and Sim in the season finale, because it obviously can't have happened, despite what every piece of Cadsim fanfiction says. I mean, Sim is a freaking android, so there's no way. No way.
Fangirls go a bit beyond Cadsim shipping though, and Brandon and Abel will have to deal with them in a different way.

There are so many themes within these 250 pages.

First off, the fandom and fanfic themes are huge and interwoven in the narrative, a bit similarly (but even more so) to Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. If you are or have ever been an active member of any fandom, this element alone will appeal to you.

"When I give the world my characters, it's because I don't want to keep them for myself. You don't like what I made them do?..."

Second, is obviously the romance. There's not much I can say without spoiling it, but know it's just adorable.


Last but not least is the religion. I wouldn't say that Brandon is struggling with internalized homophobia because he never thinks his feelings are wrong, but throughout the story he remembers what Father Mike told him or he imagines what he would say. Horrible things that I don't even want to repeat here, coated with a facade of understanding and "God loves you".

...I glance past the rides and snack stands to where the blond stone wall of the church is, but I can't let my eyes linger there either. It's like looking at a house you don't live in anymore. You wish you could go in again, but strangers live there now and you aren't welcome, and it wouldn't be the same anyway.

The religious element isn't too heavy and, as an atheist, its presence didn't bother me. What bothered me were Brandon's family's hateful words - don't get me wrong, they're not the worst family I've ever read about, but for some reason this made me legit angry-cry even more while reading their words.

Despite the last few things I wrote about, this is a very fun and overall lighthearted novel. I really have no idea why I haven't heard about it before my friend Pragya read it and recommended it to me, because it seems like it should be on everyone's bookshelves.

P.S.: I made a Spotify playlist from this J.C. Lillis' blog post.
___
I was promised fluff so here we are reading another contemporary smh

[Sun · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars...bright, shining stars...

I ADORED this book…like hugging my Kindle and giving it a peck on the cheek and then the forehead and a light tap on the cheek kind of adoration.

If I had any talent, THIS would be the book I would have wanted to write…because it’s me in a nutshell (well, if I was 18 again, and male, and gay…but yeah, in every other sense…)

1. I’m a total geek, especially sci fi (Battlestar Galactica is my personal favorite. And yes, I’ve been to ComicCon…many times)
2. I love geek humor and the crazies who embrace it!
3. I grew up in the church so I know all about the nagging, judgmental voice in my head.
4. I’m obsessed with RV’s. I’ve always wanted one.
5. Brandon and Abel are the exact types of people I’d write about: quirky, obsessive, funny, adorable…(though Brandon’s neurosis started to wear me down a bit towards the end)
6. Extreme fandom - anyone who's seen me commenting on every status update and discussion board about Special Forces and all my !!!!!'s, has seen how crazy I can get! This obsessive behavior is perfectly captured in this book!

I don’t even typically like YA books, but I LOVED this one.

Now, with all that being said, I don’t know that this book is for everyone. I think you have to like the weird, “off” types to enjoy the characters and their nuttiness. But, if you do…man, this book will be a real treat!

[εllε · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is probably the book where Fangirl meets Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. The book's title promises wonderful things, but it doesn't deliver (much).

This is the story of two 18 yo high school graduate boys, Brandon and Abel, who write fanficton about their favorite TV show.

We see everything that happens from Brandon's POV. Brandon is a very complex character. He has come out of the closet, but in some ways, he's still in. He has always been a good religious catholic boy, and being gay looks like a sin to him. In his family, only his sister supports him. His parents (also good catholic people) behave like they never had THE TALK. They are always advising him to be a decent man and find a girlfriend, so he would be clean in God's eyes. His parents are two of the most horrible people I've ever read about. How could they be so cruel and oblivious to their own son? That's why Brandon lies to them and goes on a trip with one of his friends, Abel (who he secretly likes).

I liked Abel more than Brandon. Abel, I assume, has had a supportive environment, and has been free to be as he has wanted to, as a normal gay boy should, without judgments.

If this would have had more dramatic notes, my rating would have been higher. It was too light, but the topics discussed were very important. I loved how Abel helped Brandon find himself, but the book didn't give me many feels. It was okay, fast paced, refreshing and funny, but I would have liked something more emotional. I didn't really feel the love between Abel and Brandon, and there was too much fanfiction. I don't regret reading it, though.

[Hiba · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am one man with a laptop. When I give the world my characters, it's because I don't want to keep them for myself. You don't like what I made them do? Fucking tell me I'm wrong! Rewrite the story. Throw in a new plot twist. Make up your own ending.

I went into this thinking it was a cute cheesy contemporary, something like Geekerella, but gayer, which I can finish in a day and and swoon over it for rest of the week. I didn't expect it to be this much deep and this much relatable.

Brandon is a high school graduate and in summer before college he came out as gay to his catholic parents. They followed 'you're less of a man and failure of son' type course to bring Brandon 'back to right path'. They set Brandon and his best friend Bec, on a convention trip for Brandon's favourite tv show 'Castaway Planet'. They didn't know that Abel, Brandon's co-vlogger, who's also gay and who Brandon secretly loves, also going with them. Brandon and Abel are on the mission to prove that Sim and Cadmus, who are Castaway Planet's lead character, are not in a relationship, because, well, its going to fivert the whole plotline and also, they want these characters to be loved for who they are, instead of because they're DOING IT. But they're many external forces (read: rabid Cadsim shippers) who want to see their ship becoming true no matter what, playing to get Brandon and Abel out of the way from their dream.

This seems all cute and silly and adventurous but actually it's really deep and dark at it's core. IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, J.C Lillis did a better job blending light and silly romance with certain serious themes then Mackenzie lee did. (On the side note, this isn't anything like Gentleman's guide to vice and virtue but I read that book recently and couldn't help make the comparison) Brandon's struggling to make peace between what he'd been fed by his parents, his priest all his life, and his sexuality. Brandon's experiance is so similar to what I went through few years back. Though I didn't come out to my parents, because I know it's going to be very ugly, but I had such a difficult time to make peave with my own sexuality and idea of queerness in general. Through Brandon, Lillis explored all the ugly internalized homophobia that alot of people have been fed all thier lives.

What if I do everything all wrong? What if I die of happiness and go right to hell?

Throughout the book, whenever Brandon's having a little fum, he'd hear Father Mike's words and go into this existential crisis for solid two minutes. I particularly like this specific quote about God

I wonder if other people think weird thoughts like that. It seems unavoidable. You’re a kid, and how can they explain something huge and unknowable like God to a kid, so they draw a simple picture: he’s like a father in the sky, watching over us. Then you see statues and paintings of God in books and museums, so old they seem like historical records and not flights of fancy from ancient dead guys. And you file those away and fill in the rest of the portrait with your own references, until your picture of God is something like mine was: Ben Kingsley in a long Michelangelo beard, enthroned in an icy castle like Superman’s Fortress of Solitude and scribbling (with the angry point of his thunderbolt) a fancier version of Santa’s Naughty or Nice list. You get older, but the kid’s picture stays with you. And then all of a sudden you’re eighteen and you’ve learned how to question and doubt and you think you’re smart enough to draw your own grown-up picture of what God might be, but part of you is still cringing with one eye to the sky, waiting for the thunderbolt.

I did, Brandon. I think everybody does, most of us don't want to acknowledge it.

Okay now, let's get to the best part. The ROMANCE. This romance was the cutest thing I've read this month. Brandon and Abel are the silliest, cutest, most romantic people. Their banter and flirting was so sweet. I really want J.C lillis to write another novel about them being happy and in love and having children named after Cadmus and Sim.

I want to make a sweater out of this week and wrap myself in it until falls away.

I was also really suprised how much I liked comiccon and fanfiction themes in this book. Despite being a book geek, idea of fanfiction never really appealed me. But in this book I liked fandom and idea of online communities dedicated to one fandom.

Humour in this book was also so on point. It's full of somany hilarious one liners and I found myself actually laughing out loud more then once.

“Pretentious."
"So? I love pretentious people!"
"Why?"
"They try so hard to be interesting, you don't have to do any work.”

There's only one thing that bothered me throughout the book and that was 'ABANDON FANDOM'. Listen, I don't have any problem with people shipping other people, be it fictional or real people, but I absolutely don't like the idea that the 'ABANDON' or 'CADSIM' fanfiction is some sort of 'masturbating fantasies for straight girls'. More then once, I cringed inward when 'CHURCH OF ABANDON' were discussing Brandon and Abel's love and then some girl would make a comment about 'yesss they are going to have hot sex, wowwww'. No, okay, gay people should never be sexual fantasies for straight people. And what bothered me more was that Abel and Brandon never really called it out. Once, Brandon even made fun of the fact that his relationship with Abel started just as sexual fantasies for straight girls.

But overall, it was really good. I think lots of people can relate to this deeply. Highly recommended.

[Irina Elena · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have found my religion: I belong to the Church of Abandon.

I don't think I'm physically able to write a review: I'm squeeing so hard my ears are bleeding. But I'm going to try anyway, hoping I'll manage not to give away any spoilers.

Let me start with this: if I believed in soulmates, Abel and Brandon would be it. This wonderful, dorky, awkward, romantic, sexy, funny, angsty, adorable couple would be the kings of soulmates. The ultimate soulmates.
I have never been so hyper and excited and frustrated and exhaustingly ecstatic while reading a book in my entire life – and I think this showed in my status updates. I seemed drunk. I swear I wasn't.

All right, I think you've had you fill of adjectives for today.
Let's try a more coherent version.
What I loved:
*The character development. Brandon and Abel's actions are consistent and understandable, if not always mature. They act like real teenagers do – they fight, they scream, they joke, they make out, and they love each other. It's believable (and adorable).
Bec is awesome, too, although she is not as well developed as the two MCs, and her friendship with Brandon is heartwarming and fun (more adjectives).
*The way the conflict between religion and gayness in Brandon's mind was handled. Religious conflict in books normally bothers me, because more often than not it feels both preachy and forced. In this instance, though, it was perfectly believable, if frustrating. Brandon can think rationally and he knows that although his feelings are conflicting with Father Mike's thoughts, and consequently his parents', there is nothing wrong with him. He doesn't hate anyone for this and he doesn't beat himself up either. He just works through his issues and comes out a winner on the other side.
*The shippers' subplot - simply awesome. Girls going crazy and shipping everyone, vloggers and corny, romantic fanfiction: this is my heaven.
*JC Lillis's writing. The way it flows smoothly and quickly in perfectly crafted sentences just makes me happy. She's so skilled! I particularly love the way she sometimes uses smells to describe places and situations shortly and precisely, often referring to Brandon's memories to better convey the feeling they give.

...Oh, you're waiting for a “What I didn't like” list? Nope, I've got nothing.

I recommend this book to everyone, every single one of you, and I can't wait for more by JC Lillis.

[Mandapanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a clever story! It's about two guys Brandon and Abel who run a blog about a popular TV show, Castaway Planet. The show has also spawned lots of fanfiction of the slashy kind about the two leading characters, the heroic Captain Cadmus and his sidekick the lifelike (but seemingly emotionless) android Sim.

The story takes place as Brandon and Abel set out on a forbidden road trip (with Brandon's girl BFF, Becca) to attend all the Cons at which the cast of Castaway Planet are appearing. Both guys have been secretly crushing on each other but there is a long way to go and many adventures and meaningful conversations to have before acceptance and true love triumph.

The author has captured PERFECTLY the world of fanfiction and blogging. We meet inspiring writers, avid fangirls, nasty trolls, and charismatic bloggers. Their shenanigans, plus some very romantic CadSim fanfiction excerpts, weave through the narrative and propel the romance between our two heroes. Actors from Castaway Planet also feature in all their fallible, cynical and funny 'real-life' glory. This madcap and often shallow world is given depth by Brandon's sad struggle with his religious beliefs and Abel's patient pursuit.

It's occasionally a little messy as the author brings many threads and a large cast of characters together but really she's done a brilliant job. The sex is fade-to-black which disappointed me but it's high on the romance factor so that makes up for it. It's refreshingly quirky and innovative and a must read for any fanfiction fan.

P.S. Perfect title and cover!

[Elle (ellexamines on TT & Substack) · Rating 5 out of 5]

“It's just, when I think about sex or whatever, it's kind of like on tv.”
“Vanilla and hetero?”

I fell in love with this story.

Not only is How To Repair A Mechanical Heart hilarious and adorable, it's also a far more developed and important story than I expected.

This book is a somewhat a parody of fandom and somewhat an ode to fandom. It's not one or the other, and I really liked that. It's like an even better version of Fangirl.

I really loved the characters. Over the course of the story, these two characters were developed far more than I expected. I found Brandon so easy to relate to, even though we have totally different personalities. His development made way for a good dynamic. Most of the side characters weren't anything special, but none were ever actively annoying.

This book nailed romance. It's so sad that I can't say much about it, because I feel like you have to let it unravel rather than knowing what happens beforehand. But trust me when I say it's incredibly heartwarming.

Last time I asked her for advice she lit a cigarette and said “God is like junior high, Brandon. Graduate already.”

The humor in this book is so A+. I don't even know how to pick a favorite quote. J.C. Lillis is a master at snappy dialogue.

Kade and Abel. Like you're reading Genesis with a cold.

This isn't just a funny, fluffy story, though. It's also got one of the best portrayals of internalized homophobia I've ever read. Brandon's intrusive thoughts and subconscious bias against himself is so incredibly real. I related to him so much I wanted to puke. Reading his character arc was so emotionally cathartic.

I definitely recommend this one. God, I loved it so much.

Initial Thoughts

this story was written by someone trying directly to appeal to me, Elise Mouzon Thompson, and frankly I cannot WAIT to read book two.

I'll review this later... I have a ton of books to finish before I start the sequel

[Cole Riann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review posted at The Armchair Reader.

From all that I can find, JC Lillis is a brand new author, and if this book is any idea of the quality of work that she'll produce in the future, I'm a fan for life. Rarely have I ever picked up a book I knew nothing about and loved it quite so much, even waiting almost two whole weeks to write a review of it. I first heard about this book when I saw it on JC Lillis' twitter page and enjoyed the artwork on the cover -- that's what drew me in. The blurb only made me more intrigued.

And you should be -- this young adult novel follows Brandon (along with his friends Abel and Bec during the whole summer after high school) across the US as they visit the series of five Castie-Cons for their favorite show, Starship Planet. Bran and Abel are super-fans (like SUPER.FANS) who first met online and bonded over their obsession, and later became co-vloggers, devoted to the show. Abel loves Captain Cadmus and Bran loves Sim, something which they argue about endlessly! But the one thing they can agree on is their mutual hatred of the "Cadsim" shippers and their rival blog that is devoted to the fanfiction written about the relationship between the show's two stars, Cadmus and Sim. Why, WHY? does everyone assume that they're secretly gay and together -- Bran and Abel are convinced that some people just can't accept that not everyone is really gay and they're fed up with the shippers who think they are.

So, as their road trip summer approaches, they make a bet. At each con they'll ask the question: Do you think Cadmus and Sim are secretly getting it on? to each visiting star of the cast during Q&A, and if any of them answer in the affirmative, Bran and Abel will act out one of their fanfic scenes and post it online. If they're right, and the cast obviously thinks nothing happens between the characters, then the creators of the rival blog will have to sign a document bowing to the awesomeness of Bran and Abel and admit that the two characters would never work together. It's a fool's bet, or so they think. But surprises on the road change the game for both of them.

Okay, so, that sounds super awesome, right? First of all, they're total geeks, which I love. Also, the blurb is written so well and it is so witty, that I was hoping it would bode well for the novel itself. And I honestly had no complains -- none -- about the story at all. In fact, I'm making myself wait a whole month before reading it again. The beauty of the story is the relationship between Bran and Able. Able is the gregarious and sometimes flamboyant of the pair, with lots of sexual misadventures and a style all his own (I loved seeing what he wore from each truck stop they made!). Bran is different, in many ways because of the internet (I'm getting there…). Raised in a devout family, Bran's recent years have been difficult in a family built on secrets and repression. His family loves him, but they also believe he's made a bad choice, not by coming out, but by being gay in the first place. He's continually harassed by their pastor, who always seems to want to have a chat with him. The internet and his heavy presence there, is like a shining beacon for him to represent the best of himself. And.. you can see where this is going… that is how lies are started. At the start of this trip, Bran has found himself in a place where everyone who knows him (save Bec, who he knows from childhood) thinks he's someone completely different than he really is. And of all these people, the ones he's afraid of finding out the truth the most is Abel. Keeping the secrets and using convenient lies like a horrible ex to say why he isn't dating, are easy online and seeing Abel once or twice a month, but together 24/7? It's going to be hard.

Add in a new, ultra-secret group intent on exposing their lives online makes Bran even more paranoid as they stop in each city, putting Bran and Abel at odds and their friendship is put to a severe test when almost nothing turns out to be what they expected.

That might be the LONGEST summary I've ever written! But, there's just so much about this book, and so many different threads weaved throughout. It is really masterfully written with a real flare for voice and style and a huge dose of vulnerability and appropriate teenaged angst. There's nothing I hate more than a whiny teenager, and I was so happy that this author didn't fall into that trap. Bran's issues are extremely real and sometimes quite heavy. The writing is so centered in who he is that it's like a part of him with no separation, like his real feelings come across without filter. So, it affected me, quite a lot. He's really pretty messed up, and in an identifiable way to most people who will probably read this.

Another thing that made this novel a pure pleasure to read was the humor. It is so freaking hilarious that I almost couldn't take it at times. I had so many different quotes and notes on this book in my Kindle, probably more than any book previously, because some of the lines are so funny that I couldn't bear not to mark them and then chat with my reading buddies (Laura and Tina, also in love with this book!). I wish I could share some of them, but I lost them all with my brand new Kindle a few days ago. Anyway, I'll just have to read this again and make another post with quotes or something, because the amount of one-liners you could take from this book astounds me :)

I left this book till last in my reviews because it is the best. And that is saying a lot up against a book like Tinseltown. But, even though I loved both and they both were similar in some ways, like the TV trivia-spouting characters and the unique voice and style, for me this book won out simply because it was such a pure pleasure to read. At times it was emotionally wrenching, something I have a particularly hard time reading if I'm expecting it, but I've still thought about this book at least once a day even so long after finishing it.

And it is only $2.99. Seriously! I kid you not. It's a steal -- and I would have paid three times the price for it and still felt it was worth every penny. I have a feeling that this will be my #1 most pimped out book this year, something I might have been comfortable with if I had read it in March instead of October. So please, do yourself a favor and go buy it. Then, spend this weekend getting to know the two cutest, funniest, and most lovable geeks in print. You'll be happy you did -- I promise!

[Ais · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was super cute. I picked it up late at night, read through half of it till 1 am, rolled out of bed to do a status update, then planned to sleep but decided, "Oh, just one more chapter." Next thing I knew, it was 3 am and I'd finished it.

It essentially tells multiple stories at once, weaving them together quite well. There's the story about the fandom and what's happening there, the story that's cobbled together from pieces of fanfics as representing the MC's changing thought processes, and the story of the MC's real life which itself is also sort of two stories-- one in which is he coming to terms with his sexual orientation and struggling with what he's been taught his whole life, and a second in which he is running headlong into freedom and learning to love.

I enjoyed that it didn't demonize anyone even though it would have been very easy to do so. I found the whole thing to be quite humorous and cute, and was very amused by the excerpts of the various people online and the way you could see their different personalities. Even though for the most part there were really only three main characters, all these other characters populated the background in a very interesting way.

And I really liked how it plays with how people can get carried away with things, and the uncertainty one can feel of whether or not it's a good thing.

This book totally reminded me of when I was a teenager, and it's like watching a documentary on the inner workings of fandom lol I thought it was all done very well and I was grinning through pretty much the whole book, and I'm pretty sure even squeed and kicked my feet at one point although I can't recall now why I did. There were multiple places that made me laugh out loud at the wording of something-- and I even broke out the highlighting + note tool on my nook for the first time for them.

Actually, I also have to admit something else. I haven't been a fan of 1st person POV for a long time. I don't know what started me on that but for quite a while I thought it wasn't the sort of style that could draw me in. Then I read the Dresden Files and it was the first time I realized 1st person could have its own distinctive voice. I still wasn't a fan of it in general, though. Then I read the Raised by Wolves series and I saw how well it could work for showing two different character progressions-- the MC's, and leaving in shadow other MC's in a continually interesting way until you learn enough to see what that character had been thinking. And now I've read How to Repair a Mechanical Heart and I can see how it can be done in a way that both highlights a character's inner turmoil while also balancing it with humor and showing progression in interesting thought processes.

So, at this point, I guess I have to put away my old thoughts that 1st person POV is itself what must have turned me off of previous books in that viewpoint. It must have been the books themselves I didn't like which just happened to be the only 1st person povs I'd read at the time. Because RBW and Mechanical Heart are the two latest series I've read that I couldn't put down and really, really enjoyed, and they've both now proven me wrong about that viewpoint.

My only complaint about this book? It ends :( I really wish there were more to read :(

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

HOLY FUCKING BATMAN IN SPACE IN A WASHING BASKET POWERED BY SQUEE, THIS BOOK WAS AWESOME. I'm writing this at 03h22 after having started reading about 4 hours ago. I kept wanting to put it down and go to sleep. At one point around 01h30 I actually took off my glasses, put out the light and tried, but I just couldn't do it. I tossed and turned and then thought, 'fuck it' and finished it. Other people have written far more coherent reviews than me, so go read those. But suffice it to say that this book was hugely entertaining and compelling and JUST GO READ IT, OKAY?

[Jyanx · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been thinking about how to review this book, but every time I try it all just ends up in fangirl squealing.



I enjoyed the characters, the plot, and the varied settings. I respected Abel's faith, and how the source of his angst was not rooted in a hatred for himself. One of the best, and most fun reads of this year for me.

[Dahlia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book, and am mad at myself for dragging my feet on reading it. It's charming and funny and sweet and romantic and it's such a fun depiction of fandom while also really beautifully tackling the intersection of homosexuality and faith. I think the final push for me to get this book was Becky Albertalli recommending it for fans of SIMON and oh my God I cannot second that enough - if you loved SIMON VS. THE HOMO SAPIENS AGENDA you really, really need this book.

[Tanu Gill · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a pretty sweet and fun book. I loved the gang of three and the fanfic enemies they got latched with... ;-) Amazing read!!!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

“SWEET BABY MOSES ON A MOTORBIKE.”

This book! This book is pure cinnamon scented, “heart whirring” adorableness!

But I need to get this off my chest first….

How to Repair a Mechanical Heart by J.C. Lillis addresses issues I rarely see in print—never mind YA. I don’t see these issues because I try not to mix my religion with my entertainment. Yes, feel free to whisper...She has issues. Haha…It’s true. I’m an east coast Irish bitch with a big, old fashioned Catholic family with all kinds of religious issues. I’m okay with it. At least I thought I was. Just when you think it’s safe to go back in the religious waters…Bam! A book, line, and character stir up all my doubts and guilt and loneliness. Hell I thought I shoved all my religious confusion and crap down deep. Deep enough where I would never find it again. But apparently not. This book blindsided me.

Some of the things Brandon said about God, family, and religion hit me very hard. Set my mind off down memory lane. Got me thinking about issues I haven’t thought about in a long time. And that’s all I’m going to say really. I went back and forth about even saying that much. But I wanted to at the very least express my respect and love to Ms. Lillis for how she talked about God and church in this book. She brought the topic and conversion alive with honesty, pain and humor. She inspired me to face a lot of questions and anger in my heart.

”I believe in something, yeah. I just think the world’s too complicated and amazing not to.”

Now on to the sweet boys… :)

Brandon and Abel could be the sweetest, wise cracking, obsessed cutie pies in bookland. They had me smiling, giggling, and snort laughing. The banter and flirting was nonstop. Fast, fun and smart. I loved the dialogue in this book—out loud and in Brandon’s head. I just wanted to hug the dorks and never let go!

I’m a full-fledged card carrying sci-fi geek. My Mulder trading card is on me at all times. Nestled right up to my ID. So the fan fiction and TV show obsessing parts of this story hit all of my geek happy squee-ing spots again and again. The conventions, online chats, merchandise, and love was perfect! Road tripping from convention to convention is every fan’s wet dream. And these guys lived every constantly-snacking-and-moving-do-we-really-have-to-do-laundry moment. The roadtrip energy and setting fit this story perfectly—Brandon away from home, on the road —it felt like the right place for him to open up, tell the truth, and fall.

Every blush, hand squeeze, and fanfic fantasy between Abel and Brandon was fun and memorable. But some of my favorites involved action figures, snickerdoodles and cotton candy. This is just one moment that made my heart flip….

“He pecks two kisses inside my hand and presses it to his heart. I feel its warm steady knock against my palm.”

How to Repair a Mechanical Heart is a hilarious, heartwarming read with everything from android love to vlogging. A book full of surprises, friendship and power. Read it.


Just a few odds and ends:

My favorite Brandon inner GAH! line…

“Holy Saint Peter on a hoverboard.” Hehe…Hoverboard!

A couple of fun words: assclown and tweedles


Okay that’s it. I’m signing off. Good night, Captain! Sweet dreams, Tin Man.

[♥Laddie♥ (Lee Lee) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some of the best YA M/M I've read!!

I'm about to get all fangirl about this book.

Recap
Brandon and Abel run a vlog about their favorite sci-fi show Castaway Planet. Brandon's the short, shy boy who was brought up Catholic and who just came out to his very religious parents. He's got a shitload of hang-ups and a whole bunch of guilt.

Abel's the tall, outgoing, slightly outrageous and very lively out and proud boy who charms everyone and lives life to the fullest.

The guys love their show Castaway Planet but hate that some fangirls write some absolutely horrible fanfiction about the two main characters; the android Sim and the captain Cadmus. So, what do the boys do? They plan a cross country trip on which they will go to every Castaway Planet convention and prove to those crazy fangirls that Cadmus and Sim will never be a couple.

Game on, fangirls, game on.

The Review
How much did I love this book? I don't even think I can explain it. Abel and Brandon's summer adventure is absolutely brilliant!! It's all about their friendship, new experiences, coming to terms with who they are, Brandon's self-discovery, and the craziness that is the convention world. OH!! And falling in love. Let's not forget the love.

There were so many things that I adored about this book. The first was the descriptions of the online fan community and the convention world. People were quirky, geeky and damn proud of it. It was so great how Abel, Brandon and their friend Bec carried little Castaway Planet action figures with them everywhere they went.I laughed at all of the different positions they put the action figures in.

The second was the friendship between Brandon, Abel, and their third tripmate, Bec. They were united in their geekery and also there for each other as they went through self-discoveries, arguments and self-doubt. Everyone should have a friendship like the one these three have.

The third was the writing. The writing was FANTASTIC. Seriously, it was the kind of writing that's so good that I wasn't distracted from the story by it. It let the story shine. This author has some big talent and whenever they come out something new I will definitely be reading it.

There are so many more things that are fabulous about this book but to tell you would be to ruin it, so I'll just say this: READ. IT!!

[Heather C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant. Absolutely Brilliant!!

This was one of those books where I kinda skimmed the blurb and thought: No way will I like this! But I will give it a fair try. How wrong was I?! Yeah, it's nothing like what I would normally read, but once I started reading it I didn't want to stop. And when I had to stop, I was dying to get back to reading it.

So, this is the story about Brandon, a college bound teenager on his journey to self discovery and acceptance. Literally and figuratively. He and his BFFs Abel and Bec set off on a summer road trip visiting Castaway Planet conventions across the country. (Castaway Planet is a super popular TV show) Yeah it's completely GEEKED OUT! There's action figures and vloggers and bloggers and chat forums and...slash!

I don't want to spoiler so I'm going to avoid anymore plot review. Just know that Brandon grew up in a strict Catholic family so those conflicts weight heavily in the story. The MCs are all of age, but this is a pretty safe young adult novel. There are some sex acts but it's all fade to black and not descriptive. Brandon is so embarrassed and shy that I totally understand why it wouldn't be his nature to kiss and tell. But if you are like me and CRAVE the sexual tension, then you should be adequately satisfied.

I was immediately captured by Brandon's tortured voice and I just had to know if he would ever feel complete. In the beginning I totally connected with Brandon because of his shyness, but in the end Abel was my favorite without a doubt. I really wanted to know what was going on in his wacky head. I want MORE!!

This is available at Amazon, so I fail to see the harm in giving the sample a try. Maybe you will be as surprised as I.

If there were any flaws in this one, I was too absorbed to even notice.

[Tiya Rosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

When a book dipped in awesome is practically dedicated to you..



Why did I not read this sooner? Why? You know what, this is what happens when you psych yourself out with glowing reviews and make yourself believe reality could not be as good as the hype and that you should wait for a cheaper copy anyway since Amazon can charge a bit too much for a Kindle copy sometimes and that you should finish that Ward book you started even though it has been feeling like work recently reading how Ward practically puts a gun against English language's head so she can make up these expressions she thinks bad-ass men use.

Fortunately, I clicked the buy-now button and am now a faithful member of the Church of Abandon.

This book is brilliantly written and touched each of the strings in my fangirling, Tumblr-addicted, gif-obsessed, male-male shipper heart. I can wax ovary-destructive, but I won't be able to write anything as hilarious and accurate and creative as what the fangirls did in this book. If you're looking for a proper review, though, back away from this space and check out some of the more articulate thoughts by other users. All I can offer right now is a loop of incoherent mental thoughts followed by cartwheels and chinhands.

[Heller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to have this book's alien babies. Will review later tonight. Love!!!

**

Huge hugs and a bucket of cinnamon jellybeans to the following fine people:[...]
The magnificent geeks who invented the Internet so other magnificent geeks could find each other and perpetuate the species.

Well said, J.C. Lillis. Well said.

This book is just so much damn fun. Abel and Brandon's vlog, the shipper wars, Hells Bells, the con road trip. It's all just so spot on and so real to my own online shipper experiences that it just ratcheted up my love for all things this book.

Being in Brandon's head was at times both highly amusing and extremely upsetting. Him trying to figure himself out while attempting to maintain expectations set on him by his parents was so heart-breaking. I loved Brandon, I loved that he came across as just a screwed up kid finding his way and the times I wanted to smack him were balanced out by the times I wanted to hug him. Sadly we don't get to dip into Abel's brain matter but I adored him so very, very much.

This is best kind of road trip story. It's all about coming out, coming of age and trying to be true to who you want to be and just being an awesome geek at the same time. There are so many fantastic reviews of this out there and for good reason. Go read this book.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, I have a lot of rambling thoughts about this book that I’m not even sure I’ll be able to put down here – and definitely not coherently. When I initially finished this book, I felt it a solid 4 stars. I LOVED it, except for one area. I’m not a religious person by any means. I went to an all-girls Catholic school for years, and we were allowed to take a year off of Math and Science, but it was required to take a religious studies course every year. Mass was every Friday. We had Chapel. We had nuns with rulers. My father hasn’t missed mass in probably 50 years. That all said, I don’t know, it never stuck with me. I never felt it necessary or guilty that I wasn’t religious. My dad’s best friend was a gay man with HIV. My mom went to Paris with herself and 30 gay men. So I never grew up with the impression anyone not heterosexual could be looked at as anything other than another potential friend or loved one. All of this kind of combined and when I read what Brandon was feeling, I just kept thinking, “I don’t relate to this at all.” Mind you, I never felt it was intrusive, and I was glad the Father was a genuine nice guy, but it still felt like this element that kept appearing in the book and throwing me off.

So I focused on the rest. The characters, the amazing I swear we are twins humor, the road trip (something I love in all books), the likeable female friend, the personal growth, the pains of growing up, finding love, and finding friends. That was what I initially focused on.

But, I thought about this book more and more. It stuck with me. And I realized that themes or threads in life can be relatable without being something directly mirroring your life – this including the religion element. That feeling of not living up to what people want you to be, that feeling of your loved ones being disappointed in you – and often your aware of what you are doing and even though it’s not purposeful you can’t switch off your feelings or brain in a way that they wish you could. That feeling of being totally overwhelmed and in your head, but being so scared. And then you find someone - a friend, a partner, etc. and you want so desperately to go with the flow and relax. Let yourself get lost in the moment. Be someone that others think you are, be someone else that you wish you were. But if it’s real, they’ll love you for who you are faults and all.

And that’s the best aspect about this book. It felt real. Painful, embarrassing, joyful, amusing, and a whole lot of wtfuckery. These boys felt their age to me. Plastic figurines and all. Hell, I have a Game of Thrones John Snow doll proudly displayed on my desk at work. That sense of being part of a community and your place in that community can change often. That sense of people you looked up to letting you down. That sense of someone surprising you in ways and then you surprising yourself. That sense of finding peace when you focus on you.

Of course, there is so much more. Fandom and all its joys and ridiculousness. The bonding over characters and stories that others would give you the side-eye for, but then you find people that get it. The fact that the story ends uncertainly fits too because we never stop growing, changing, and learning. Brandon and Abel are two characters that make me grin so hard and stop and sigh.

This book is the cat’s pajamas and I’m Team Abandon all the way. Changed it to 5 stars. <3

[Mare SLiTsReaD Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

In GR 3, I saw this boy. And I thought WOW, (to my 8/9 year old brain) he's so cute.
What I didn't see was the colour of his skin. Because to me, people are people right.

So fast forward.

GR 9- I start dating a black boy, I still didn't see colour, just that I liked this guy and he liked me. So win-win right.

WRONG

Not so much, cause my parents, who are Serbian down to their bones, didn't agree with this.
That year was turmoil! To my soul, cause I saw my parents in a different light. Not as the best that I always thought they were... but as people who had some serious wack ass thoughts on white should be with white and black with black.

Alas, obvs that relationship didn't work out. Obvs! I was 13-14.

Fast forward

18 years old, dating a Serb. Oh my father's heart was in his eyes. I saw it. He was so damn proud. happy. Content.
Who cares that this boy likes to fuck around, steal cars, act a fool right. Cause he was my father to a T. This boy who knocked up your daughter and then walked away without a backwards glance. The one who still so much as doesn't bat an eye at what he helped produce. But that's ok, cause my parents were my absolute rocks. They were and are the best grand parents a kid could have asked for. The most helpful a daughter could ask for.

Fast Forward, not far, but to 1 year later, where I meet this guy. This guy! Who after 19 years is the be all end all to me... but you know he's black...
We get together, in our own little bubble for 5 years. Just him and I and the kid.
I hid that from my parents cause I was so so torn. I loved them, they helped me so much when I needed them so bad, they still helped so much.
Groceries, car insurance, cars, you name it, we got it. And why. Cause the ideal guy, the 1 my dad was mooned over about was an adolecent, someone who couldn't grow up, someone who shattered his dream.

So for 5 years I hid this guy from my dad. Cause I didn't want to see that I disappointed him. And on the other hand I had this great guy that I thought and knew in my heart of hearts that he was THE ONE.

And 1 day I just decided... you know what... this is my future. Im grabbing life by both hands and going after mine, cause in the end, it isnt about religion or your parents expectations, its about what makes you happy.

fast forward- Married, with kids and a house and that guy.... he is my dad's fav

So Abandon, just cause your story ended where it ended i'm gonna go ahead and pretend that it ended just like mine.


edited! Thanks to my SS for this book, You warmed my heart!

Mare~Slitsread

[DayDreamer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very few things make me really mad. Religious brainwashing ruining people's lives for no good reason is one of them. I am not against religion in general. Strike that, I am. I am not against belief is more accurate. I get the social meaning it serves, the purpose it gives to those who need it, the reassurance, the feeling of belonging.
But making other people flagellate themselves because they're not up to your standarts? Who the fuck do you think you are, religion?


It's a five stars book. Because of reasons.
Because it managed to surprise me. Repeatedly.
To amuse me.
To engage me.
To enrage me and (somewhat) appease me.
Because we're talking fanfic.
Because the ending was worth the journey. Few things lately live up to my expectations. This one exceeds them. It kept surprising me till the end. Even the last sentence was a surprise, like 'wait, there's no more? Whyyyy?'
Because of this:

If you exist, please help.
If you don’t, I’ll do it on my own.

Brilliant.

[Elsa Bravante · Rating 4 out of 5]

No le pongo 5 estrellas porque el comienzo del libro me ha parecido muy titubeante, me ha costado meterme en la historia, no fui capaz de disfrutarlo hasta el 25 %.

Empecé la primera página deseosa y todo buenas expectativas, la mayoría de mis contactos adoran el libro, autores a los que admiro también lo hacen, la temática de las Con me atrae muchísimo, todo lo relacionado con el fenómeno fan, y pensé que sólo podría tratarse de algo muy bueno. En el 10% me desinflé, pero en el 25% comencé a comprender a Brandon, encontrar la química entre los personajes y a reirme con las distintas situaciones que crea el fandom. Brandon es un chico de 18 años criado en una familia muy católica y que está teniendo verdaderos problemas para aceptar su homosexualidad por sus creencias religiosas y la forma que ha sido educado. Es amigo de Abel, gay también, pero sin ese peso que supone la religión para aceptarse a sí mismo. Ambos son fans de un programa de tv, tienen su vlog, y en verano se embarcan en un viaje alrededor de USA siguiendo varias CONs sobre su serie favorita. En ese viaje comienza una historia de amor, y comienza para Brandon un camino que le llevará a plantearse muchas cuestiones, a valorar sus creencias y a encontrarse a sí mismo.

Es una historia dulce, divertida, con algún momento muy romántico, y muy inteligente. También tiene una parte que te induce a pensar, esa lucha interna que tiene Brandon por sus creencias religiosas. Yo no soy católica, no creo en Dios, y no soy gay, pero sí me he criado en una sociedad donde en su momento la religión tuvo un peso muy importante, y ese sentido de culpabilidad, de necesidad de castigo, siempre está presente. Entiendo que alguien educado en ese entorno pueda tener verdaderas dificultades para admitir que quien es verdaderamente, es considerado como algo sucio, malo, o equivocado por la gente que quiere. Debe ser realmente duro, y aunque esas dudas de Brandon para muchos de nosotros sean algo incomprensible, para él es todo un mundo, supone el enfrentarse con todo y a todos. Es un tema interesante, siempre me he preguntado cómo puede haber homosexuales católicos o votando a la derecha, y me gusta leer opiniones sobre ello. No estoy tan segura de la manera que ha tenido la autora de finiquitarlo, queda un poco en el limbo, porque claro el Padre Mike es una buena persona... No lo sé, habría que verlo si lo es.

Creo que el libro es muy recomendable, fundamentalmente para adolescentes que se están peleando con su propia aceptación, pero para todo aquel que quiera leerlo debe tener en cuenta una serie de cosas: es un YA, pero un YA real, el protagonista está empezando a conocerse y eso se ve en su relación con Abel, las escenas de sexo son con fundido en negro y la temática nerd está muy presente, probablemente si no te atrae este tema no puedas disfrutar el libro igual.