Saving Jake: When Addiction Hits Home

by D'Anne Burwell

D’Anne Burwell’s smart, athletic son—raised in a loving and prosperous home—begins abusing OxyContin as a teenager, and within a year drops out of college, walks out of rehab, and lands homeless on the streets of Boulder. Struggling with fear, guilt, and a desperate need to protect her son, D’Anne grapples with her husband’s anger and her daughter’s depression as the family disease of addiction impacts them all. She discovers the terrifying links between prescription-drug abuse and skyrocketing heroin use. And she comes to understand that to save her child she must step back and allow him to fight for his own soul. SAVING JAKE gives voice to the devastation shared by the families of addicts, and provides vital hope. Above all, it is a powerful personal story of love and redemption.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Adult, Addiction

314 pages, Paperback

First published August 27, 2015

Reviews

[Kathleen Pooler · Rating 5 out of 5]

D’Anne Burwell follows the long, tough road to family recovery, highlighting the shame and silence that often accompanies addiction. What’s unique about D’Anne’s book is that she incorporates the latest resources and research about addiction into her story, reinforcing the point that educating yourself about the disease of addiction will facilitate the recovery process. Through her own arduous journey to understand and cope with her son’s addiction, she has provided a wealth of resources for anyone dealing with an addicted child.

I am the mother of an addicted son who found recovery from substance abuse so her words and story resonated. I was captivated by her ability to vividly capture the experience of watching addiction take over her son’s life. Her honest introspection into her own responses mirrored the heartache and confusion a parent feels when they awaken to the grim reality that addiction has the upper hand.

I applaud D’Anne for breaking the silence surrounding addiction by sharing her personal story. In doing so, she offers families of addicts hope as well as a roadmap toward recovery, highlighting the importance of educating yourself about addiction as a disease and seeking professional counseling.

I highly recommend this memoir to anyone who loves an addict and wants to find their way to recovery. I also recommend it for health care professionals who work in the addiction field.

[Corina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic Book. Real honest about recovery from the mother's perspective. We tend to forget that that the families of the addict/alcoholic have their own diseases of controlling, and trying to fix the other other person. This mother told her story well.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated the honesty and emotion of this book. I was expecting an interesting story, but the writing exceeded my expectations. Very well written, informative, & gives good insight on the disease of addiction.

[Barbara Stoefen · Rating 5 out of 5]

D’Anne Burwell’s book, "Saving Jake," is the compelling story of her journey through her son’s heroin addiction. After a “sweet start” to her family life, she experiences shock, disbelief, and profound grief when she learns of her son’s drug uses. And Saving Jake is what Burwell sets out to do. She takes us with her as she endeavors to rescue, change and fix her son. She does everything a good mother would do to intercede for a struggling child. Yet along the way Burwell learns the hard truth that we can’t fix or change another person, nor can we “intercept pain” for someone else… much as we may want to.

Burwell shows us what it looks like to do some of the hardest work a human being can do… which is to change oneself, and the hardest work a mother can do… which is to let go. Midway through the story she tells her son, “The mother you left a few months ago isn’t the same mother you’re facing right now.”

Burwell’s hard-won wisdom informs us all, showing that one of the best ways to help an addicted child is to recover ourselves. Families will find help and inspiration from her very personal story, as well as the many facts on addiction she provides throughout the book. A must-read!

[Maartje · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unbelievable that an addiction memoir can be this boring. Also the writing style is terrible: question after question after question to no one in particular, like "Will Jake embrace recovery?", "Will Jake finally acknowledge he's addicted?", etcetera. The author reads and reads other books about addiction, and keeps summing up what others say.

Jake struck me as a very priviliged and somewhat spoiled kid, with an overprotective mother that always fought his battles, until it was too late.

No new insights here, would obviously not recommend this!

[Blooming Beauties · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the book is honest and very insightful to say the least, I have always had issues with parenting techniques that spoil a child for 18 yrs and then kick them out in the world to fend for themselves. So, this book was a torture for me. I skipped a whole lot of emotions of the mom and the family. I wanted to know about Jake. How he was handling his family's rejection of him when he was at the lowest. If Addiction is a disease, will you kick a seriously sick person out of your home and make them fend for themselves, especially when that person is your child, hasn't fully grown up or developed crucial life skills and leave them battle with their sickness, finances, housing, schooling, getting a job all at the same time when you are also piling them with guilt, shame, loss, and your judgement? Even a normal healthy adult will have issues dealing with all of that.
This book reaffirmed for me that adults are messed up, that the grown up world isn't sane but has insanely high expectations of their kids to lead a perfect life. We are the cause our children suffer.

Jake is such a strong spirited kid. I wish him the best sincerely. And I really feel sorry for us clueless parents and the children we appear to protect, or control or worry about because we don't know any better. I truly wish that instead of stigmatizing addiction, and judging addicts we should look into ourselves as a society and ponder upon how we are actively contributing to these disassociated young adults who turn to drugs to find a solution from the dreary life they see us adults living. They don't want to live the same meaningless, stressful lives, and check mark each box for milestones set by this society. Get a degree. Get a job. Get married. Buy a house. Have kids. Make sure your kids live the exact same way as you did. All checked? Good. Now you are a respectable, reliable person because you followed directions. Now, you belong. Welcome to HERD mentality.

[Kelly Conrad · Rating 3 out of 5]

She writes so evenly and professionally about a very sensitive and personal topic. You feel her pain, but you can tell she has done an amazing amount of Al-Anon work on herself to separate herself from her son’s disease, her own wellbeing from his.

I like that she shared specific examples of her boundaries, her successful interactions and her missteps - explaining why it was the wrong approach. It felt at times like a workbook for a parent with an addicted child. That said, even though she did jump around so much that I lost track of the timeline, she did a good job of keeping the reader focused on and engaged in the story.

I am curious as to why she has such a vehement aversion to tattoos on her kids before age 18. With all she’s been dragged though, it seems like a weird thing to hold her ground on.

She is clearly an intelligent and caring woman, but I waffled back and forth on whether I liked her and could hang with her in real life or if I thought she was a little bit self-righteous and obsessed with perfection. She has made it through the pure hell of choosing not “rescue” her son, which probably saved his life, so my guess is she’s pretty damn fabulous.

[Diana Mielecki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a painful book. I had to take a few breaks to absorb the information. As a former teacher, I have seen too many heartbreaking real life examples of exactly what this mother experienced and have experienced even closer examples as an aunt. The story would be an excellent handbook for any family experiencing addiction first hand, and it had many useful tidbits for those impacted peripherally as well. Given the epidemic proportion of addiction, society as a whole needs to get a grip on any tools that might help.

[Katherine Ketcham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, exquisitely detailed, this book chronicles the long and often tortuous journey to recovery for both addicted individuals and all those who love and care for them. If your child is ‘struggling,’ you will find comfort in the pages of this book, knowing you are not alone. And you will discover solace and much wisdom in the author’s loving quest to find the points of light on the pathway to healing and wholeness.

[Christina Dent · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good book for understanding one mother's experience of her son's addiction. The author is very articulate, and does a great job of helping readers enter her experience, and better understand how drug addiction affects the whole family so deeply. So many nuances that she does a good job of bringing out. Very humanizing, honest, and helpful.

[Susan Liles · Rating 4 out of 5]

Could have been written by me...

I loved how honest she was about the feelings of hopelessness she felt as a mom. I have experienced the exact same feelings. My child is still in active addiction and I’m not sure if she will survive. This story gave me hope.

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

Couldn't put it down! Deeply honest account by a loving mother as her son wrestled with drug addiction and she tried to support him without enabling him. Easier said than done as she beautifully shows.

[Nancy Fondriest · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful read, gripping story. Important take-aways for everyone about the need to let loved-ones become responsible for their own decisions & lives. Example: The Three C's: I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting to read this from the point of view of a parent experiencing this, especially in these times when drug abuse is getting more and more common. I learned a lot.

[Barbra McD · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read the book after discovering my step-daughter is an addict. It was helpful to read Burwell's words - to learn that the behaviors are part of mental illness and not necessarily intentional

[Debra Racine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring book

The book was very informative. Gave me information about what to do with an addict child. What I can do with myself and not to let this tear apart your marriage.

[Paula Downer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartache, love and hope. A Mother love always

[Dawn Critchfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much! I could really relate to the author.

[Yvonne Linton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read SAVING JAKE cover to cover in 2 days. This book evoked many emotions. D’Anne Burwell writes in a poetic, eloquent way that captured my attention. I want to thank her and Jake, and her whole family, for having the courage to be vulnerable to share their story.

We have been hiding behind the stigma of addiction and mental health struggles for too long in today's society. "Don't overreact" and "Just keep the lines of communication," open was the message that was portrayed during a high school drug talk I attended..."It's just an experimental phase they go through," we attendees were told, never realizing that many teens I knew had already been smoking marijuana since middle school. For some, this "phase" escalates to a life long struggle, and it's time we not sugar coat the dangers. I am glad that the author DID react, while managing to keep communication open with her son. Through it all, she managed to send a message of love. Love does not always conquer all, but I am grateful this family found a way through the quagmire of addiction and offers parents hope.

[Kkramer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a beautifully written, honest description of one family's experience with addiction, a revelatory examination of parenting and the power of family. I had the opportunity to attend a book event with the author, D'Anne Burwell. The room was filled with parents who had been struggling with the pain and isolation of parenting a child with addiction. Just telling her story with honesty and forthright detail let them know that they are not alone and that there is hope. This is an important book about parenting and family relationships.

[Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most affecting memoirs I've read. Truly captures the horrors of addiction, and displays how it has a devastating impact on every member of the addict's family. However, coming out the other side can lead to even more strength and resilience for everyone, and it's hard not to smile as you read the final chapters.

[Gabriela Melim · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the parent of an addict I truly identified. This book helped me face the fact that I can not fix anything, only they can fix themselves. 5 stars to the Author. I would recommend this book to any mom or dad facing the same situation.

[Ann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Because I'm obsessed with the TV series "Intervention," I thought I'd read this one. It's okay...

[Dion Schneider]

great book