The Little Vanilla Book: S&M Wisdom to Improve Your Everyday Life

by Lux Alani

Lace up your corset and embrace your stiletto swagger with this unblushing guide to personal growth using the virtues of (gasp!) S&M.
Offering mighty insights on everything from whipping negativity into submission to breaking the bondage of bad self-body image, "The Little Vanilla Book" gives you the tools you need to awaken the heroine deep inside and open your life to a scintillating new world of self discovery.
Within the pages of this loving and bawdy exploration of all things you, former dominatrix Lux Alani uses her personal experiences and research to uncover the surprising truth that some of the primary lessons and practices found in the world of kink aren't just for the kinksters--with the right mindset they're for you too.
But wait! If you're nervous that you'll need to buy a paddle and latex catsuit to get your transformation on, don't worry! This isn't about getting into the kink scene or practicing BDSM. Looking at five key aspects of every woman's life: authenticity, confidence, body image, resilience, and fear, "The Little Vanilla Book" is truly about taking a unique journey to self-love and empowerment--one that shows you how to unchain your courage, reclaim your awesome self, and live your truth with gusto.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, BDSM

144 pages, Hardcover

First published July 7, 2014

About the author

Known for her gritty, poetic, and darkly humorous voice, Lux Alani is an internationally published writer, former international model, and longtime boxing fan. An advocate of power, shenanigans, and impossible triumphs, Lux is a noodle-armed midlife writer learning to ... BOX?! Visit her at luxalani.com.

Reviews

[Dirty Dayna · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 Worth stars

I didn't even know I needed this book until I read it and just wow. It has filled me with such worth. As usual I didn’t read the blurb just the title. I cant believe I read this entire book during the boarding process of the plane and was done before the seat belt fasten sign illuminated. It was….wow…it was everything I needed and im not even a self help reader by any account (typically I read them because a title catches my eye)
The book is written by the author who was a shy person came out of her shell became a dominatrix and left the world but shares the things women need to hear. Beauty isn’t a size 4 it’s a one size fits all and its all about how you take it
Lets embrace being human. Let’s give ourselves permission to fall. Let’s be kinder gentler kick ass babes. Were fucked up and beautiful, and sometimes our jeans don’t fit and our feet falter
Rainer Maria Rilke said ..let everything happen to you…no feeling is final
I think I even got emotional in this book just because I felt like the author became my personal conscious, my own cheerleader and my motivation.

EE Cummins said…to be nobody but yourself-ina world that is doing its best, day and night, to make you everybody else-means to to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting

The thing I will never forget from this book hits me really hard in the feels

You are not your body. You are not an object. You are love incarnate. You cannot control everything that happens to you but you can control your perspective about it. Refuse to let the fuckers win, and no matter what wrong is done to you, fight to believe that you are still a worthwhile human being.

Yeah I just emotional all over again


This book helps you to see yourself in a whole different light. To know that you can be strong, you can ask to be a submissive, you can run the world in stilettos and you are beautiful. I think this is one of those gems that everyone needs to read. I didn’t even know I needed it till after I read it and I highlighted everything.

[celestine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really disliked this book, partially because it wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought it might be an entry guide into understanding kink and how to incorporate that understanding of power dynamic in your everyday life, but it’s just a generic self-help wisdom book peppered with BDSM ideas. I also despised the writing style. Really the only good part was the epilogue, where three or four pages are spent on a particular top/sub interaction she had and the life wisdom of that dynamic shines through. She didn’t need all the generic empowerment quotes and silly exercises, nor did she need 100+ pages! I’m giving it 2 stars instead of 1 only because I could see this helping some people in some way (for evidence, just look at the other reviews).

[priv · Rating 1 out of 5]

Abgebrochen. Weder Schreibstil noch Inhalt resonierten wirklich mit mir. Teilweise auch eine schreckliche Übersetzung.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one badass book that is meant to inspire equally badass women.

I am going to write this review a little different than I normally do. I am going to focus on one section of this amazing little book... On Body Image.

We all worry about how we look. It is easy to become discouraged. A lot of us the our body. We shouldn't, we are what we are. I am not saying we should just let ourselves go, but we should at least not think of ourselves as lacking because of how we look. We need to have confidence in how we look.

I have a friend who thought she was too big. She was so desperate to be "beautiful" that she starved herself. At ne point she had no clue how small she had truly become. It took me and her sister forever to get her to step on a scale. When she did she was shocked at what she actually weighed. The person she saw in the mirror was still overweight. Before she actually weighed herself, I remember her arguing that she knew she was still going to be over 200 pounds. Nope, 125. She had no clue that she had gotten that small. I am glad that she recognized her problem and immediately got herself into counseling and motivating classes. At work i have a resident who was so desperate to be the "perfect" woman for her husband that she start chopping off the bad parts of her body. No lie, she carved away parts of her stomach, upper arms, and inner thighs. Her story doesn't stop there though. When she was taken to the hospital they put her in the psychiatric ward. She was put n a medicine called Depakote. They overdosed her by accident and she suffered brain damage. She lives in one of our lower function group homes and will never be self reliant again.

If you want to know why women have fucked up body images, blame the media. Or the culture-wide sexualization of girls and women. Or the invention of scales and mirrors. To start the healing process is to stop separating our body image from our relationship with ourselves.

Placing blame isn't owning what's in our control, which is the way we relate to ourselves. It is not possible to connect to our hearts while objectifying our bodies. Nor treating our bodies as projects or as our primary value...

Something I didn't know:

Did you know that Dr. Seuss wrote a book for adults about naked women heroes? No joke! 'The Seven Lady Godiva' is a subversive satire n the ancient legend. Each of the Godiva I are illustrated as innocent "sheros" with different shapes, sizes, and ages, exemplifying the body positively that roller girls, dommes, and feminists rock today. Each Godiva gains wisdom from from a scruffy, charming horse and shares her truth with her naked troupe. Oddly awesome female empowerment and a reminder that life lessons can come in unlikely packages.

This book left me feeling empowered. I want to grab that little black dress I have hanging in the closet, put it on, and not worry if I missed a spot shaving. I want to get together with my girlfriends and go out to celebrate my gender. I want to roar.

I also wanted to point out how pretty this book is. There is not book jacket. It is pretty, and has a very feminine look to it. I love the basic vanilla and black coloring, and the inscription n the back is nice, HOWEVER YOU ROCK IT, YOU ARE A SACRED FEMININE BADASS.


Recommendation:

This is a great book. I think the message it gives is amazing. Women everywhere should read this. Yes, this was written with a BDSM theme, but just as examples.

[Helene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! Finished this in one sitting, such an amazing and empowering little book. The author includes many suggestions on how to choose for yourself and feel like a powerful, badass version of you based on certain aspects of BDSM practice. I bought the hardcover and it looks really great on the shelf too, and I imagine it works as a great conversation-starter ;) What could have been improved upon, in my opinion, is the many quotes that are included (I thought there were a bit much, to the point of the quotes tying together everything rather than the author herself) and them being referenced from the website Brainyquotes (this could've been a bit more professional). These are minor things ofcourse and regardless I LOVE this book.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This tiny little tome is jam packed with empowering (I need a different word here - one that doesn't mean my power was taken from me - but I can't think of it...) words of wisdom. Sometimes it seemed like the author jumped around a bit but all in all, it's a quick read so grasping all the aspects isn't too difficult. Plus she included quotes and nods to so many other authors, activists, world leaders, etc. that I admire so it all worked well for me.

[Jodi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ein Buch mit einem interessanten Ansatz, den man in den üblichen Regalen der Selbsthilfeabteilungen der Buchhandlungen eher selten findet: wie helfen einem die Grundsätze des SM im Alltag?

"Vanilla" bezieht sich hier auf alles, was nicht mit der SM-Kultur zusammenhängt. Lux Alani führt deshalb ein Domina-Leben und ein Vanilla-Leben ausserhalb. Leute, die nichts mit SM zu tun haben, sind "Vanillas". Eine Bezeichnung, die mir durchaus gefällt.

Im Buch führt Alani ein paar interessante Punkte an, die wahrscheinlich einigen Frauen helfen können oder zumindest als Leitplanken dienen können. Mir persönlich hat der Grossteil davon aber nicht wirklich Eindruck gemacht, aber ich bin auch durchaus zufrieden mit mir, meinem Job und meiner Partnerschaft. Deshalb bin ich nicht die primäre Zielgruppe (wie schon erwähnt, es ist ein Buch für eine Challenge).

Aber dennoch habe ich mir ein paar Tipps von Alani gemerkt. Vielleicht brauch ich die ja irgendwann mal. Wer weiss?

[Lucie Paris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Curiosity about the tittle and the content have led me to request this book. Exactly what I needed!
It's fun, interesting and the author really talks to all women!

A great way to stop, think of your behavior and of the way you mistreat yourself even when you don't do it on purpose. This book is showing you how to correct your habits of putting ourself down by thinking you are not with it.

Of course, we are all unique and wonderful! But that's a thing to say it and another to believe it deep down.
The fact that the author shares a bit of her own history and explains how she has become a goddess, a domme and also a woman who is able to accept her vulnerability, her feminity and embrace it without fears or culpability, was very inspiring.

Also full of easy tips or exercises to follow or to try. No drastic changes or magical spells, just how to do baby steps in stilletos! ;-)

I've really enjoyed reading this book. Probably because Lux Alani is writing as if she was having a cup of coffee with you or a fun girls night out. It's full of humor, easy to read and you have the feeling you are not alone. She will catch you up and never laugh at you. She doesn't judge, she is showing you another path that can lead to a better acceptation of yourself as a woman.

As for the BDSM part, it should not scare you away. Maybe it will help you to understand that different doesn't mean bad and that we have always something to learn from others. And accepting limits, settling boundaries for ourself, accepting that life can hurt and doing a parallel with the BDSM way of life was really interesting.

A book I warmly recommend for all the women who have trouble to believe they are worth loving, or those who hide behind walls or fears.

It's just a book but words sometimes can show up at the perfect time to give you the push to change something in your life.

Lucie
http://newbooksonmyselves.blogspot.fr...

[Brandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A light, quick and fun new take on the self help book for women. The Little Vanilla Book gives you a bunch of great information and paths forward, without the tedious dense academic explanations. The author draws from her personal experiences in modeling, roller derby and BDSM dungeons to illustrate her points. This personal touch makes the reading more enjoyable and the suggestions seem more palatable. The sprinkling throughout the book of bits of research and words of inspiration from others are a great addition. I think that this is a wonderful quick read with some easily implemented ideas for improving your sense of self. Also, i love the cover and clip art in this book, so feminine. I received an advance reader copy from NetGalley.com so I've not seen the hard copy version, but the images from Lux Alani's blog look beautiful. This will also be a good companion book for those who journal to get some new ideas or for those who are bad at journal writing (like myself) to give them a place to start.

[Jen La Duca · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Little Vanilla Book is a must read for all women! I wasn’t sure what to expect going into it but this isn’t a book about getting into kink or practicing BDSM, this is a book about female empowerment. The author, Lux Alani, takes five key aspects of women’s everyday life; authenticity, confidence, body image, resilience, and fear and turns these into a journey of self-love and empowerment. What woman doesn’t need more self-love in their life? Lux Alani’s writing is quirky and warm, making these topics easily readable for even the shyest of women. This journey is about finding your true inner strength and giving yourself permission to be who you truly are. I will definitely be purchasing several copies of this book, one for myself (I can already see myself re-reading several sections) but also as gifts for some of the fabulous women in my life!

**I received a complimentary advanced copy of this book from NetGalley and the publisher, Atria Books/Beyond Words Publishing, in exchange for my honest review**

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

**I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.**

This is a lovely little self-help book targeted at the 50 Shades crowd. There's nothing new in here, but that's not necessarily a bad thing - sometimes the framework in which self-help advice is framed makes all the difference, and the theme of this book will surely resonate with some. Taking the standard self-care and self-esteem advice and couching it in the language - albeit kinder and gentler - of BDSM, specifically, being a dominatrix - this book will appeal to those who secretly desire a role in that scene, but are also practical about the likelihood of ever doing something that radical. It's for the inner dominatrix, not the outer, and that's just fine.

I think this would be very popular in libraries.

[Alexa Oliphant · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had a copy floating around my office and I decided, screw it, I'm going to do some trashy reading tonight. It's messages of self love, confidence, and knowing your own desires are all principles I believe in, but it got a little too granola crunch for me at points (wtf is a goddess circle). The writing also felt redundant, but I suppose that's the style of the self help genre.

[MKF]

This is a good book filled with advice and things to do to help improve yourself and your life. Halfway in I realized this was geared to a certain type of person. The women who have personality, attitude, and spunk yet still doubt themselves and have problems this book is for you.

[Jeune · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a power to the female book more than a guide to book. But it was very insightful and interesting read.

[JustHB · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an utterly amazing book. Thank you. Some of the things I do (and now know a little bit more about why, the principles behind them and using them to better effect), most I can identify with and a lot I can learn from. Like no other self -help book I've ever read before... thankfully.