Pilfer Academy: A School So Bad It's Criminal

by Lauren Magaziner

Fans of Escape From Mr. Lemencello’s Library and Roald Dahl will gobble up this hilarious story about a secret boarding school for thieves-in-training!

Troublemaking George has never heard of Pilfer Academy, a top-secret school for cultivating young crooks, until he's kidnapped as its newest student. The teachers are kooky at best, and naughty does not even begin to describe his sneaky, smart, and morally bankrupt new classmates. Between disguise classes, cracking safes, and DIY gadgets, George becomes an expert bandit and finds true friendship with Tabitha, his new partner-in-crime. But everything is ruined when George comes to a shocking realization: He is just too good-hearted to be a thief! 

Unfortunately, not thieving is not an option at Pilfer Academy, and "misbehaving" students face Dean Deanbuggle's favorite punishment—the Whirlyblerg! In order to gain their freedom, George and Tabitha must pull the biggest heist the school has ever seen and reveal their true colors not as thieves, but as kind (and, okay, mischievous) kids.

Genres: Middle Grade, Childrens, Humor, Adventure, Fantasy, Fiction, Mystery

272 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 16, 2016

About the author

Lauren Magaziner is the internationally bestselling author of the The Incorruptibles series, the Case Closed series, The Mythics series. She is also the author of stand-alone humorous middle grade books: The Only Thing Worse Than Witches, Pilfer Academy, and Wizardmatch. Lauren is originally from New Hope, Pennsylvania, and she currently resides in Philadelphia, where she writes full-time. You can visit her at laurenmagaziner.com or follow along with her newsletter at laurenmagaziner.substack.com.

Reviews

[African Americans on the Move Book Club · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pilfer Academy is truly a magical and creative piece of literature. Schools all over the world should introduce this book into their curriculum. It embodies the flair of humorous writing with the complexity that allows for readers to learn and grow. The story is told through the eyes of a teenager which only adds to the joy other teenagers would receive from reading this novel. George, the main character, appears to be trite and foolish, but the reader soon learns that after he is kidnapped by two dubious characters that George is no fool at all.
Pilfer Academy is a wonderful mix between comedy and Harry Potter. Take everything you know about Harry Potter add some humor, minimize the intelligence of the teachers, increase the wit of the students, and sprinkle in some random, crazy lessons to learn and you have Pilfer Academy. Lauren Magaziner does a wonderful job of creating a world where a reader can get lost and escape the burdens of adulthood, or settle down and enjoy the joys of childhood. Even the cover and acknowledgements are hilarious!
I would strongly recommend this novel to young readers. It is definitely worth the read.


Jerrel Stills
AAMBC Reviewer

[Robin Herrera]

Bad kid George gets kidnapped and sent to PILFER ACADEMY - the school for thieving! George finds he's actually pretty gifted (though smarty Tabitha is always at the top of the class), but what happens when his education moves toward practical application?

Just like THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN WITCHES, this book is packed with wordplay, humor, and absurdity that reminded me a lot of Roald Dahl's hilariously wacky books. And just like the best Roald Dahl books, there's even some elements of horror! (Don't want to give away too much, but... THE WHIRLYBLERG)

This one is definitely for fans of Dahl, Louis Sachar, and Hilary McKay.

[Nia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've been hunting for Pilfer Academy for so long! I'm so glad I finally found a copy at my local library. This is a delightfully witty & clever read! I enjoyed the premise and really liked the characters. I think it could've been executed a little better, but I was quite into the made-up school for thieving and all its many antics.

[Monica Edinger]

Not sure how to even rate this as it is a total rebooting of Harry Potter, just involving thievery instead of magic.

[Naty · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was so good. I just loved the book and I really liked Dean Dean Deanburg. I would recommend this to people who like action and humor.

[Astrid Lim · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshing middle grade book, about a school for thieves and how kids learning to become criminals. It's funny and I love the writing - this is my first time reading Lauren Magaziner's book and I'm looking forward to reading more!

[Aidan Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

What would you do if you were a kid kidnapped to a whole new area and forced to go to a school you do not like? The book Pilfer Academy by Lauren Magaziner is a mystery and adventure that puts a kid by the name of George, a nine year old, in this situation. George is taken from his family to Pilfer Academy to learn how to be a professional crook. He runs from his family after he and his mom get into a fight. Two strangers in an ice cream truck ask him if he wants ice cream. He gets tricked, tied to the truck, and taken to Pilfer. That is how he is introduced to Pilfer Academy.

George was not liked by his family. He was the trouble kid in the family that always took people’s items and got in trouble. Pilfer Academy thought he was a perfect choice to be part of the school. They kidnapped him and took him to a mansion on a hill. The mansion was Pilfer Academy. He was shown up to his room by a new attendee of Pilfer. Her name is Tabitha. Through trying to beat each other in projects and a common goal of getting better they became best friends. They would study, eat, play, and practically do everything together. They quickly became the top of their classes. The midterm was coming up and they were studying like crazy even though they did not have the faintest idea of what it was. The midterm came and they filed onto buses and went to a suburb. They had to steal an item from a person and after George took his item he felt awful. He could not rest for days and vowed to not steal again. Tabitha did not like this idea at all and later that day he was called to Dean Deanbugley’s office. George was sent to the Whirlyburg! This was the place where students got disciplined in a way that every student was afraid of. He got in a fight Tabitha and blamed her for it but she was not at fault. After some time they forgive each other and join forces to break out. They do not necessarily break out but their plan worked and won against Dean.

I loved this book and want to read more from the author. I give it five stars and a big smiley face. If there is a second book that continues Tabitha and George’s lives I would read it without thinking to put it down. There were multiple characters with large personalities that you can latch onto and love.

[Aeicha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Only the very best young thieves, crooks, and criminals in the making can attend Pilfer Academy, and naughty George has just been kidnapped as its newest student. At Pilfer Academy stealing is an art form and George soon discovers that many of his peers are true artists with no guilt for the pilfering they commit. A a rather mischievous and misbehaving boy, George enjoys his quirky classes, wacky teachers, and time at Pilfer Academy, but quickly learns that he’s just not cut out for the thieving lifestyle. With his new BFF’s help, George sets out to escape from Pilfer Academy, but can he get past Dean Dean Deanbuggle and his horrifying Whirlyblerg?!

Lauren Magaziner’s Pilfer Academy: A School So Bad It’s Criminal, is a wildly funny and zany romp through the world of thievery! With a charming and firecracker-like voice, Magaziner spins a larger than life tale that’s a perfect mix of humor, adventure, and heart. The grand, very large Gothic mansion, that is home to Pilfer Academy, is a wondrous and captivating place, especially since EVERYTHING inside it (including the students!) has been stolen, filched, pilfered, borrowed with no intention of returning...even the mansion itself has been stolen from France! Every nook, cranny, corner, and spare alcove, is bursting with an array of stolen items and artifacts, from the amazing to the downright bizarre.

Magaziner’s storytelling and voice in Pilfer Academy is very reminiscent of Roald Dahl books, where the wit zings, the odd and weird quickly become the norm, and every page is full of unexpected and colorful imagination. And like many of Dahl’s books, the adult characters in Pilfer Academy prove to be not-so-bright, but oh so entertaining wackadoodles, that allow the younger characters to shine. Pilfer Academy is full of precocious, engaging, and interesting youngsters.

Young readers will have a blast attending intriguing classes with George, delight in the oddball antics of the teachers, and be enthralled with the surprises-around-every-corner mansion.

my final thoughts: Pilfer Academy is kooky, quirky, wacky, whimsical fun that will leave readers laughing and thoroughly entertained.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mysterious school in an old mansion for unusually talented students.
Hogwarts? The Mysterious Benedict Society?

No, it's Pilfer Academy--the premiere training ground for thieves, and George Beckett's new home. Though he didn't choose to go to Pilfer--he was kidnapped by two teachers disguised as ice cream truck drivers--but since he's always been a bit of a troublemaker, he quickly becomes one of the top ranked students in the school. But is a life of crime really what he wants for himself?

Magaziner's zany romp through the familiar territory of a school story is full of silly word play, bumbling adults, and clever and courageous children. Fans of Roald Dahl will see shades of Miss Trunchbull in the evil headmaster Dean Dean Deanbugle. Like many of his predecessors, George is a slightly insecure kid who comes into his own with the help of a brainy female sidekick. Milo, the sneaky student who is George's nemesis lacks the complexity of a Draco Malfoy, and instead seems more of a device to move the plot forward. Overall, this is a satisfying addition to a popular genre.

*NetGalley digital ARC

[Goshen PL Childrens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fun little caper to read! George is "stolen" (he calls it kidnapping) to attend a school for becoming criminals but soon finds that he might like be a master thief. Play on words, goofy exploits and of course, criminal masterminds will steal any adventure/humor readers hearts. My reading of the book was hindered because it was stolen (lost in my room).

It is perfect to read aloud or on your own.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

George finds himself stuck at a boarding school for thieves-in-training, and his classes and escapades are quite entertaining. Students who like Mysterious Benedict books or Spy School books will enjoy reading about this unique place of learning!

[Miraj V · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! A twist is always what a great book needs and Lauren Magaziner always puts that twist in her novels! Be it to the funky words or her wild imagination, Lauren Magaziner will always be top of the list for "Best Imagination"! Shine like the star you are Lauren Magaziner!

[Michele Knott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, how I enjoyed this book! It's fun, it's mysterious, it has great characters. Can't wait to share this one with readers!

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pilfer Academy stole my heart! This book is full of whimsy and silliness and I loved every page!

[Ms. Kahn]

I read this book to review for School Library Journal. You can read my review there

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Delightfully charming! I caught myself smiling often at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. A light middle grade read that's plenty of fun.

[Ryan H · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book painted a wonderful picture and kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. The suspence was unbareable in this amazing awesome magnaimous book.

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

In her second novel, the author of The Only Thing Worse Than Witches takes the popular idea of a secret boarding school that teaches unusual kids to do unusual things, and gives it an especially goofy twist. Described as "a school so bad it's criminal," Pilfer Academy doesn't just recruit its students; it kidnaps them. That's what happens to George Beckett, the naughtiest of his parents' six children, at the beginning of this book - snatched off the street by a daffy pair of teachers who subscribe to such dark arts as pasting together ransom notes, practicing stealth, picking locks, and perfecting the art of disguise. Yes, kids, it's a school for thieves.

The teachers aren't just criminal; they're criminally insane, like the pasta-scarfing headmaster, Dean Dean Deanbugle, who maintains order by threatening his students with a mysterious punishment called the Whirlyblerg. The school isn't just a museum of stolen artifacts; the whole manor house, grounds and all, was stolen from the Duke of Valois while he and his wife went out for coffee. The school's motto is "Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers." Try to sneak into the kitchen at night, and you might spend your detention brushing the teeth of a tankful of piranha. Try to sneak into the faculty lounge, and you may face even fiercer safeguards, such as a flock of man-eating chickens. Try to escape, and... let's not even talk about that. It's just too horrible. (So whirly. So blerggggg!)

But after acing his midterm exam, George finds himself wrestling with his conscience. Also, he misses his family, including the brother who is always putting him in a headlock. He decides he just has to escape. And while his roommate Milo would probably like nothing better than to see George gone, the only help he's going to get is from his best friend Tabitha, who is just so good at thieving that she doesn't feel challenged any more. Picture Hermione Granger storming out of Trelawney's class at Hogwarts, and extend it over all her subjects. The trouble is, the only way to escape from the school... is to steal it.

This is my first taste of Lauren Magaziner's writing. Though I am interested to want to read her previous book, it did bear some of the hallmarks of inexperience. Its goofiness was so over-the-top that the story almost couldn't hold together; which might actually work for some hyperactive children. I was interested to find a blog post by Magaziner, listing her favorite so-silly-they're-scary children's-book villains, in whose company Dean Dean Deanbugle really does fit in. I think she shows promise as a children's author, but still has room to grow. Also, her book had the bad luck to come out at about the same time as the similarly school-for-young-criminals-themed Munchem Academy book by Commander S.T. Bolivar III, The Boy Who Knew Too Much. But this specific branch off the Hogwarts family tree is budding in all directions, as evidenced by Soman Chainani's The School for Good and Evil, Victoria Forester's The Girl Who Could Fly, Catherine Jinks' Evil Genius, Stuart Gibbs' Spy School, Gitty Daneshvari's School of Fear and The League of Unexceptional Children, and all their sequels. I don't know if this book is going to have a sequel; but in spite of losing a few points by being just a little too harmlessly silly, it still made me laugh; for that alone, I'll be interested in seeing whatever else Magaziner puts out.

[Jordan Cerenzio · Rating 5 out of 5]

The fiction book, Pilfer Academy by Lauren Magaziner is a page-turning book that keeps you on the edge of your seat. I believe this is a great book because their are a variety of scenes during the book that are total surprises and I did not see coming. These turning points keep me interested in the book and make me want to keep reading every second I have the chance to. George is a boy that got in a fight with his family and ran away. When he ran away, he got kidnapped by 2 people in an ice cream truck and taken to a thieving school. George soon realizes he doesn’t want to attend Pilfer anymore, but he isn’t allowed to leave or escape or else he will get severe consequences. In one part of the book, George tries failing all of his classes so he will get expelled from Pilfer and be able to go back home. Instead, when he does this, he is put on the wherlyblerg for the whole weekend and is threatened to be put back forever if his grades ever drop again. I was on the edge of my seat throughout this whole scene and countless other scenes just as breath-taking as it in the duration of the book. One reason this book is a page turner is when the Duke of Valois finds his now returned house, George and Tabitha are carried up in the house without the Duke knowing. Within this whole scene, you are wondering if George and Tabitha will be carried to France and never come back or who knows what?! I recommend this book to a variety of readers, especially ones whom enjoy unexpected twists. In conclusion, the outstanding fiction book Pilfer Academy by Lauren Magaziner is a suspenseful book that you will not be able to put down!

[Pauline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Boarding schools for teens have been the backdrop for many popular novels and this new offering will also be enthusiastically received. George is quite horrible and his parents are sure that his conniving, mischievous ways will lead him astray. His bad behaviour has not gone unnoticed and he is kidnapped by a pair of bumbling crooks Strongarm and Ballyrag (not unlike those in Home Alone!). Meanwhile his parents believe he has been selected to attend an academy for the gifted. At times the humour in this novel is hilarious verging on slap-stick it is so ridiculous.There is a cast of wonderful characters, including the pasta obsessed Dean of the Academy - Dean Dean Deanbugle and an assortment of interesting locations such as the Robin Hood Room; a place filled with fabulous food and entertainment for the most wicked of students. The punishment of the Whirlyblerg is not unlike something Miss Trunchbull in Matilda would have enjoyed. This will appeal to readers who enjoy the humour of David Walliams and Roald Dahl.

Suitable for 8+ - humour, boarding school, thievery, lies and general wicked behaviours.

[Valerie McEnroe · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a book that draws its schtick from sarcastic humor, I thought it was pretty good. Its over-the-top ridiculous at times, but that's the intention, and I think kids are drawn to that type of writing.

When George is kidnapped out of the blue from a couple of blundering idiots in an ice cream truck, he could never imagine where he would end up. He's at the Pilfer Academy which trains kids to be pilfers or thieves. Everything in the school is stolen. The food is stolen. The mansion is stolen. Even the kids are stolen. At first George thinks it's interesting. The other kids seem to like it and it's been made clear to him that he can't leave. So he makes the best of it and goes to all of his criminal training classes. But when his mid-term exam is to break into a house a steal a teddy bear from a baby, he begins to doubt that this is the place for him. First he tries to get himself expelled, but when that fails, he realizes that the only option is escape. It should be no problem for a kid trained for criminal activity.

This book is entertaining, but you have to appreciate really idiotic humor. The adults are not smart, which is sure to be a kid pleaser.

[Ria Chandola · Rating 5 out of 5]

The novel started on a normal day at George's house. His brothers gone, sister gone. No one, but him. Freedom, he thought! He snuck into his brothers' room, stole his sister's diary, but he heard a sound. Oh no, MOM! George was the mischevious one in the family. Always causing trouble. But you probably know what comes with misbehaving, a lecture. He knew the drill. Once he got a chance to leave, he ran outside. When running, he noticed an ice cream truck. He had the $10 he stole from his brothers' room, so he thought why not. Just like that, his life changed. He ordered his ice cream, and next thing he knew, he was in the truck. They took him to a mysterious school, "PILFER ACADEMY, A SCHOOL SO BAD IT'S CRIMINAL." Um...okay he thought. Watch how George and Thabita battle bedtimes, forfeit food and help save their lives, and many others.
I loved reading Pilfer and learning about the amazing adventures Lauren Magaziner took us on! It was definitely a page turner and I hope you love it as much as I did!

[Sakhi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pilfer Academy is a book that will keep you up at night clinging to the book yearning to know what happens next. In this book, a boy named George is a very mischievous child who is often misunderstood. Deep inside, he just wants to be accepted and have friends. One day, he is kidnapped by these teachers from a rather peculiar school with an even weirder purpose. In a flash, his whole world changes. George is taken to a school, Pilfer Academy, that specializes in thievery. In this book, the author uses strong vivid words to help the reader fit into George's shoes. The author also uses George's sneaky traits to design a school that at first glance looks perfect for him. Students at Pilfer soon learn that not everything is what it seems to be. Overall, this book was a very enjoyable book where characters make new friends, learn who they really are, and help save the students at Pilfer from a lifetime of thievery. I would recommend this book to anyone, especially to those who are often misunderstood. This book is for you.

[Vivian Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Liked: Ok here's where this book gets 5 stars - Its a 288 page book with solid middle grade vocabulary with AGE APPROPRIATE conflict resolution and humor!!! No killing curses or oversized super creepy snakes. Sure the kids are in a school for thieves, but the threatened punishment for breaking the rules is being put on a spinning amusement park ride forever. (This, to adults is horrific, since getting on for one ride is bad enough, but its funny for kids to think about.) The entrance to the teacher's lounge is booby trapped with chickens and a churning vat of spaghetti. The nemesis student spies on our heroes with a cup against the door and tattle tales. oooooh.

Did not like: Hmm not much to say here. You could probably give it some minus points for not feeling totally original. Kids going away to a secret school in a cool old mansion and all. But its kind of become a genre in and of itself. I'd give this book to a younger kid before HP any day.

[Lena S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stumbled onto this while looking for more 'boarding school' type MG, and while this is a different, much more light-hearted tone than what I had in mind, I ended up loving it.

I think my favorite part of this book was the silliness, plain and simple. This will undoubtedly appeal to kids and adults (though in different ways!), because who doesn't sometimes love permission to be as silly as you please? Right from the first page, Pilfer Academy gave readers permission to be silly and enjoy the ridiculous antics, and this keeps up through the rest of the book. And then of course there is the amazing hearwarming undertone. That takes a while to show, but boy, once Naughty-George starts tugging at your heart-strings, I can't imagine any reader will resist.

So in short, if you're looking for a light, silly book with a serious dollop of warm-heartedness and a lot of naughty-kids-being-clever antics, look no further! This one's a winner.

[Jennie Koh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Troublemaking George has never heard of Pilfer Academy, a top-secret school for cultivating young crooks until he's kidnapped as its newest student. The teachers are kooky at best, and naughty does not even begin to describe his sneaky, smart, and morally bankrupt new classmates. Between disguise classes, cracking safes, and DIY gadgets, George becomes an expert bandit and finds true friendship with Tabitha, his new partner-in-crime. But everything is ruined when George comes to a shocking realization: He is just too good-hearted to be a thief!

Unfortunately, not thieving is not an option at Pilfer Academy, and "misbehaving" students face Dean Deanbuggle's favorite punishment—the Whirlyblerg! In order to gain their freedom, George and Tabitha must pull the biggest heist the school has ever seen and reveal their true colors, not as thieves, but as kind (and, okay, mischievous) kids.

[Jemmima · Rating 4 out of 5]

Naughty boy George gets kidnapped by two crazy adults in an ice-cream truck, and taken to Pilfer Academy, a school for training thieves and crooks! George fits in nicely and is one of the top students in his class before he starts gaining a conscious and realizes that maybe he isn't really cut out for being THIS naughty anymore. But can he escape from a school of thieves that locked down and run by weird adults?

I was given this book and decided to read it to see if it was suitable for my 9 year old daughter to read afterwards. I thought it was well written, funny and imaginative. All of the made up words were hilarious and it was a great, easy, quick read. As soon as I finished I passed it on to my daughter, I think she'll really love it :)

[Caighley]

Pilfer Academy was such a fun read that really delved into the question of right and wrong. I loved it!

Characters: The friendships were amazing!

Plot: Pilfer Academy was moderately fast-paced and began to pick up speed towards the middle of the book.

Content Warnings:

Thievery - Obviously this book centers itself on the art of thievery. While reading Pilfer Academy we know that thieving is wrong.

Exodus 20:15 - You shall not steal.

ON a good note, Pilfer Academy really portrayed the camaraderie that exists between friends that are striving for a common goal. It was wonderful to watch and the comedy has me laughing or rolling my eyes a lot.

[Ella Sampson · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the realistic fiction book “Pilfer Academy” by Lauren Magaziner, this book is definitely a page-turner. This book shows goofy humor and a wonderful action-packed adventure. Lauren takes you on this adventure of George Beckett and you will just get lost in the book. When George gets kidnapped by Ballrag and Strongarm, this was a conflict that occurred and she made it sound so interesting. She used descriptive details to show many events that occur throughout this novel. Therefore, all these great traits about this novel shows that it is an amazing page-turner.

[Stu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pilfer Academy is a wonderful and adventure-filled book about a boy, who gets kidnapped and taken to Pilfer Academy, the school of crooks and thieving. Throughout the story, George learns the secretive ways of thieving, meets new people, and so much more! Personally, I found the book quite intriguing, and it kept me on my toes! It is filled with mystery, emotion, and humor. I love how Ms. Magaziner included characters, like Ballyrag who keeps mixing up his words, and others who each have a little quirk. These little details make the story so much more enjoyable! Readers from grade 4 - 8 would deeply enjoy the plot and overall theme underlying in this book. It has challenging vocabulary, and it is quite refreshing to have a book that shows that children need to appreciate their parents, and vice versa. Pilfer Academy: A School So Bad It's CriminalLauren Magaziner