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Men, Love & Birth: The book about being present at birth your pregnant lover wants you to read
There's a wealth of information out there for expectant mums on pregnancy and birth, but so often the dad is left out of the conversation. Male midwife Mark Harris seeks to redress the balance with this new book, drawing on his decades of experience with couples as they make the transition to being new parents.
Covering topics from massage to sex, and pain relief during labour to breastfeeding, this is a lively, honest and frank discussion of pregnancy and birth from a man’s point of view. Mark explores how to harness the power of birthing hormones, how to remain calm and aware in the birthing room, how to communicate effectively, and ultimately how to live the process of becoming a father to the full.
Covering topics from massage to sex, and pain relief during labour to breastfeeding, this is a lively, honest and frank discussion of pregnancy and birth from a man’s point of view. Mark explores how to harness the power of birthing hormones, how to remain calm and aware in the birthing room, how to communicate effectively, and ultimately how to live the process of becoming a father to the full.
- GenresNonfiction
182 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 7, 2015
22 people are currently reading
70 people want to read
About the author
Mark Harris
2 books2 followers"I am registered as a midwife and nurse. I love being around people, always have as long as I can remember; having five sisters and three brothers afforded me plenty of practice and now with five children of my own and four grandchildren (another on the way), I have lots of opportunity to indulge my people passion.
The choices I have made in my professional life have been shaped by this gregarious inclination. I have trained and worked as a Nurse, Midwife, Teacher in Further Education, hypnotherapist, NLP trainer, out reach youth worker. I still work as a Midwife offering a birth education through a programme called, Birthing For Blokes (@Birthing4Blokes). Work and play often merge for me."
The choices I have made in my professional life have been shaped by this gregarious inclination. I have trained and worked as a Nurse, Midwife, Teacher in Further Education, hypnotherapist, NLP trainer, out reach youth worker. I still work as a Midwife offering a birth education through a programme called, Birthing For Blokes (@Birthing4Blokes). Work and play often merge for me."
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
September 23, 2015
This is an excellent book for any man who wants to support his partner during labour and birth and afterwards. Writing in a very accessible and chatty way Mark Harris uses his knowledge as a man, a birthing partner and a midwife to inform men about what happens during the birth process and how to support their lovers (I love that he uses the word lover) during this amazing time. Unlike many other books about birth that are aimed at men this book is not patronising or jokey, it is a very straightforward and useful guide to supporting your partner through labour, birth and beyond.
As a childbirth educator I shall be recommending this book to all the men who come through my classes.
As a childbirth educator I shall be recommending this book to all the men who come through my classes.
October 28, 2015
I was very chuffed that when my county library system didn't have this book, they bought it for me. A small thing at a time of cutbacks.
It's a fine little book (as books for men about having babies need to be) and fills the gap between the tediously laddish, jokey and generally ill-informed reinforcers of a miserable status quo, and the earnest books for men who are really into it. Mark Harris is a big earthy bloke and a midwife as well as a father and grandfather (indeed, although I've never met him, I realised as I read the book that his children once (years ago) helped entertain my children - and they were a credit to him)
It's not perfect... but I suspect it was never meant to be (and I am not sure I would want to try to be Mark Harris' editor) There are too many specific mentions of John Gray of Mars/Venus fame in a book with an otherwise light touch with referencing and a slightly bizarre detour into the merits of a low carb diet for reducing his own rotundity. But that does contribute to the air of a jolly good chat in the pub with someone who actually knows what he's talking about but who is listening to you. People must have said to him "You should write a book" and he has. He wisely does not try to go into every detail - there are other books for that if men are interested.
It's a fine little book (as books for men about having babies need to be) and fills the gap between the tediously laddish, jokey and generally ill-informed reinforcers of a miserable status quo, and the earnest books for men who are really into it. Mark Harris is a big earthy bloke and a midwife as well as a father and grandfather (indeed, although I've never met him, I realised as I read the book that his children once (years ago) helped entertain my children - and they were a credit to him)
It's not perfect... but I suspect it was never meant to be (and I am not sure I would want to try to be Mark Harris' editor) There are too many specific mentions of John Gray of Mars/Venus fame in a book with an otherwise light touch with referencing and a slightly bizarre detour into the merits of a low carb diet for reducing his own rotundity. But that does contribute to the air of a jolly good chat in the pub with someone who actually knows what he's talking about but who is listening to you. People must have said to him "You should write a book" and he has. He wisely does not try to go into every detail - there are other books for that if men are interested.
February 23, 2022
The author reduces men to our sexual organs - everything is “orgasmic”, connecting with your partner is “another form of giving head” and a side effect of supporting your partner through labor and breastfeeding is “getting laid”. Why must breastfeeding be sexualized? Why should the importance of caring for your body and health be for “rock hard erections” and not well being and in good shape to care for your baby?
I kept reading to try to find some bit of useful knowledge for dads to be, but I found nothing. All the practical tips are not cited, rely on self appointed “experts”, and are things I learned a lot more about from my prenatal course and books that my wife is reading.
I kept reading to try to find some bit of useful knowledge for dads to be, but I found nothing. All the practical tips are not cited, rely on self appointed “experts”, and are things I learned a lot more about from my prenatal course and books that my wife is reading.
June 21, 2020
Intentions are good and research is accurate to upcoming parents, explaining some advanced stages of the birthing experience in a dialled down manner. It’s too blokey for my taste and some of the phrases are cringe inducing but the information and mindset is good.
November 13, 2024
My fiancé and I are about to have our first child together and I read this book in preparation. It covered everything I wanted to know, as well as some things I didn’t know I wanted to know!
It’s really well written and doesn’t smack you over the head with science, instead choosing to frame the information in a way that’s easy to digest and understand. By the time I’d finished reading it I was confident I could support my fiancé through childbirth (and beyond), but also felt I could help with a home birth if that’s what she chooses to do!
All in all a great read and I’d definitely recommend to any potential dads looking to learn more about childbirth.
It’s really well written and doesn’t smack you over the head with science, instead choosing to frame the information in a way that’s easy to digest and understand. By the time I’d finished reading it I was confident I could support my fiancé through childbirth (and beyond), but also felt I could help with a home birth if that’s what she chooses to do!
All in all a great read and I’d definitely recommend to any potential dads looking to learn more about childbirth.
March 28, 2020
My partner is pregnant for the first time, so I am reading a few books about pregnancy and babies in order to prepare myself and support her. Unfortunately, the vast majority of pregnancy books are solely directed at women, ignoring the supporting role of the man.
So when I saw a book written by a male midwife about men's perspective, I was thrilled. The book, unfortunately, was a big disappointment, jumping from Neanderthal men's expressions to some New Age advice with very little actual content in the middle. Not worth the read in my opinion.
So when I saw a book written by a male midwife about men's perspective, I was thrilled. The book, unfortunately, was a big disappointment, jumping from Neanderthal men's expressions to some New Age advice with very little actual content in the middle. Not worth the read in my opinion.
December 10, 2023
some useful bits about orientation/focus on the woman/birther's oestrogen and upping the co-relaxation game, but some possibly unscientific stuff about men + testosterone... all written with humour though.
August 4, 2018
Excellent book for fathers to be
April 23, 2020
A great read worth every man's time in the lead up to the birth of their child. Helpful for both the pregnancy and the birth. Hints of humour made it easier to read/listen.
August 2, 2020
Amazing book for any men about to become a dad 😊
September 21, 2025
Not very grounded and focused on the spiritual aspect. Would not recommend for first time fathers.
January 23, 2016
I was looking for something useful on the process of birth and pregnancy for men. In the strongest possible terms I must inform potential readers that this book is *no such thing*. Instead, it is a rambling, loosely organized collection of pregnancy-themed pseudo-scientific gobbledygook. The book is mainly composed of very dubious evolutionary psychology, pseudo-neuroscience, as well as some neuro-linguistic-programming-inspired claptrap. All this served with a New-Age twist. This book is unreadable unless you're really into that stuff or your brain has fallen out. In case you think I am trolling, here are some quotes from the book (I promise I'm not making them up):
* "Be able break the "curses and spells" that health professional unwittingly cast upon your pregnant lover, casting your own spells designed to create a quiet mind in her."
* "Begin to notice how all human beings have both masculine and feminine energy regardless of their gender, and how these energies are lived out on a day to day basis."
* "The ways in which you construct internal mental maps, based on the five senses, which you use to make sense of the enormous amounts of raw data received every second"
* "...it's very clear that our current system of care delivery is not sufficiently sensitive to the ancient processes we have evolved to optimise the survival of the human race"
* "You are living proof that the birthing process works perfectly. If it didn't, we wouldn't be here. It's that simple"
* "Have an appreciation of the limits of your conscious mind and the vast resources that your unconscious mind possesses."
* "Women have a 200,000 year history of birthing well; men have only been present at birth for about 50 of those years"
* "Your evolution as a man has given you what you need to be with her as she gives birth"
In addition to the above, there's a lot of largely irrelevant and inappropriate name-dropping of brain regions and hormones to give an aura of scientific credibility. I won't bore you with those more extended quotes.
Following this there some Q&A chapters. The author does courses for men and these chapters are supposed to simulate those, or are transcripts of them. Some of the information is useful (e.g. "how will I know when her waters have broken?") and others not so useful (e.g. "Help! I'm scared of not being in control during pregnancy..."). Little is of real use and nothing that you won't find on the internet or by asking your doctor or midwife. The most useful question/comment comment in this section was "Mark [the author] is a New Age w@nk-merchant". I don't know what that's doing in the book, but it's the most informative thing so far and I wish I had read it before purchase.
* "Be able break the "curses and spells" that health professional unwittingly cast upon your pregnant lover, casting your own spells designed to create a quiet mind in her."
* "Begin to notice how all human beings have both masculine and feminine energy regardless of their gender, and how these energies are lived out on a day to day basis."
* "The ways in which you construct internal mental maps, based on the five senses, which you use to make sense of the enormous amounts of raw data received every second"
* "...it's very clear that our current system of care delivery is not sufficiently sensitive to the ancient processes we have evolved to optimise the survival of the human race"
* "You are living proof that the birthing process works perfectly. If it didn't, we wouldn't be here. It's that simple"
* "Have an appreciation of the limits of your conscious mind and the vast resources that your unconscious mind possesses."
* "Women have a 200,000 year history of birthing well; men have only been present at birth for about 50 of those years"
* "Your evolution as a man has given you what you need to be with her as she gives birth"
In addition to the above, there's a lot of largely irrelevant and inappropriate name-dropping of brain regions and hormones to give an aura of scientific credibility. I won't bore you with those more extended quotes.
Following this there some Q&A chapters. The author does courses for men and these chapters are supposed to simulate those, or are transcripts of them. Some of the information is useful (e.g. "how will I know when her waters have broken?") and others not so useful (e.g. "Help! I'm scared of not being in control during pregnancy..."). Little is of real use and nothing that you won't find on the internet or by asking your doctor or midwife. The most useful question/comment comment in this section was "Mark [the author] is a New Age w@nk-merchant". I don't know what that's doing in the book, but it's the most informative thing so far and I wish I had read it before purchase.
August 6, 2016
The author is genuine and knows his stuff. It's a fairly interesting read, a little cheesy in parts, but useful nonetheless. It's also a quick read too.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews