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Dear Fang, With Love
From the acclaimed author of The Girls from Corona del Mar, a sprawling, ambitious new novel about a young father who takes his teenage daughter to Europe, hoping that an immersion in history might help them forget his past mistakes and her uncertain future.
Lucas and Katya were boarding school seniors when, blindingly in love, they decided to have a baby. Seventeen years later, after years of absence, Lucas is a weekend dad, newly involved in his daughter Vera's life. But after Vera suffers a terrifying psychotic break at a high school party, Lucas takes her to Lithuania, his grandmother's homeland, for the summer. Here, in the city of Vilnius, Lucas hopes to save Vera from the sorrow of her diagnosis. As he uncovers a secret about his grandmother, a Home Army rebel who escaped Stutthof, Vera searches for answers of her own. Why did Lucas abandon her as a baby? What really happened the night of her breakdown? And who can she trust with the truth? Skillfully weaving family mythology and Lithuanian history with a story of mental illness, inheritance, young love, and adventure, Rufi Thorpe has written a wildly accomplished, stunningly emotional book.
Lucas and Katya were boarding school seniors when, blindingly in love, they decided to have a baby. Seventeen years later, after years of absence, Lucas is a weekend dad, newly involved in his daughter Vera's life. But after Vera suffers a terrifying psychotic break at a high school party, Lucas takes her to Lithuania, his grandmother's homeland, for the summer. Here, in the city of Vilnius, Lucas hopes to save Vera from the sorrow of her diagnosis. As he uncovers a secret about his grandmother, a Home Army rebel who escaped Stutthof, Vera searches for answers of her own. Why did Lucas abandon her as a baby? What really happened the night of her breakdown? And who can she trust with the truth? Skillfully weaving family mythology and Lithuanian history with a story of mental illness, inheritance, young love, and adventure, Rufi Thorpe has written a wildly accomplished, stunningly emotional book.
320 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 24, 2016
225 people are currently reading
7422 people want to read
About the author
Rufi Thorpe
5 books2,001 followersRufi Thorpe received her MFA from the University of Virginia in 2009. She is the author of four novels, The Girls from Corona Del Mar, Dear Fang, With Love, and The Knockout Queen, which was a finalist for the PEN/Faulkner award. Her newest book, Margo's Got Money Troubles, will be out 6/11/24 and is currently being adapted for television by A24 and AppleTV. She lives in California with her husband and two sons.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 418 reviews
November 6, 2025
my favorite words in the english language are "this book is weird. i think you'll love it."
so at least i agree with the "this book is weird" part.
for some reason it's unfathomable to me that this book came out in 2016. there's something about it that feels so out of time — like it should actually have been published decades ago.
maybe it's that the trends of literature change so quickly and completely. maybe this is actually extremely 2010s. or maybe it just reminds me a lot of jonathan safran foer.
i picked this up primarily because i loved margo's got money troubles, and while this had the weirdness of that book it did not have the same charm or humor or unforgettable characters.
to me.
sorry.
plus if i had a nickel for every time i've read a book off an author's backlist this year after having a hugely unexpectedly hilariously good time with their most recent bestselling release and 4.5 starring it only to find that said older novel was a dated award-seeking romp through eastern europe, i'd have two nickels.
not a lot of money but wild that it happened twice.
bottom line: i'm just glad i read margo first. this is not enough on its own to keep me going with rufi thorpe.
so at least i agree with the "this book is weird" part.
for some reason it's unfathomable to me that this book came out in 2016. there's something about it that feels so out of time — like it should actually have been published decades ago.
maybe it's that the trends of literature change so quickly and completely. maybe this is actually extremely 2010s. or maybe it just reminds me a lot of jonathan safran foer.
i picked this up primarily because i loved margo's got money troubles, and while this had the weirdness of that book it did not have the same charm or humor or unforgettable characters.
to me.
sorry.
plus if i had a nickel for every time i've read a book off an author's backlist this year after having a hugely unexpectedly hilariously good time with their most recent bestselling release and 4.5 starring it only to find that said older novel was a dated award-seeking romp through eastern europe, i'd have two nickels.
not a lot of money but wild that it happened twice.
bottom line: i'm just glad i read margo first. this is not enough on its own to keep me going with rufi thorpe.
February 28, 2023
Once I left my teenage years behind, I was content to leave them right there – in the past. I never felt inclined to revisit them, or to closely examine any other teen lives for that matter. Much later, perhaps it was because I found myself parenting a couple of my own teens, I found revisiting those years through the eyes of another wasn’t so bad after all. Top this off with the fact I discovered there are some writers out there that make reading about adolescent life a real treat! Yes, I’ll admit it! Rufi Thorpe is one of those writers. Just to be clear, however, Thorpe doesn’t write young adult novels. She writes novels about young adults and the relationships of those young adults with their peers as well as their family members.
“Vera was always just like that. Almost brutally clear-sighted. Even as a child, she saw through people. Saw the reasons they did things. Saw the machinery behind the façade. As she became a teenager, her nose for hypocrisy became even keener and her thirst for justice more merciless.”
In this book, Thorpe takes on a number of themes and weaves them together so seamlessly it never felt like it was too much. So many threads of our lives are intertwined with those other threads that create the big picture of who we are. In Dear Fang, With Love, an estranged father takes his sixteen-year-old daughter Vera, who has recently had a psychotic episode, on a journey to Vilnius, Lithuania, in order to strengthen the weak bond between the two. Here, he will also attempt to find a connection to his roots. In so doing, he hopes to understand more about himself and introduce Vera to the heritage that she knows so little about. He wishes this to be a healing sort of journey for the two of them.
“But isn’t that why we travel? To get disoriented. To be changed.”
I love the way Thorpe constructed this story. The majority of it is told from the father’s point of view, but at the start of each chapter we get Vera’s side of things through the medium of emails she writes to her boyfriend, Fang, back at home. In this way we see how both father and daughter view their relationship with one another and how it develops throughout their trip. It also gives additional insight into Vera’s mental illness. She’s high functioning and very intellectual. It’s difficult to discern that line between mental illness and mental stability, and Thorpe is very good at showing exactly that to the reader.
“Do I sound insane to you? Are the thoughts I’m thinking really insane? That’s what I want to know.”
“It was terrible to think about, but also building in me was a wild, irrepressible hope that it was true—that she was not mentally ill, that it had just been a big mistake.”
I’m a big fan of Rufi Thorpe now. I’d have to say my first, The Knockout Queen, is my favorite so far, but this is a hugely compelling book. It never slackens in pace – the alternation between the voices of the father and daughter keeps it fresh and revealing. I haven’t given a ton of thought about how our ancestors and their genetics are ingrained within us. Obviously I know this to be true, but haven’t examined it with any deep reflection as was done in this novel. They become a part of our biology and thus a part of our psyche as well – for better or for worse. If you’re craving an original voice in contemporary literature, I highly recommend Thorpe. If you are interested in mental illness, how past history is carried within us, or the dynamics of father/daughter relationships (I see this less often than stories about mother/daughter complexities), then this is the book to grab. Did I mention it’s smart and sometimes funny too?! Thorpe is forgiving of the flaws in her characters. She knows that not one of us is perfect. Naturally, I nod my head in agreement whenever an author gets that right.
“Is it so hard to try to love people? I feel like you always give up too soon. But we are worth loving, all of us, even though you are also right: We are ruined. There is something terrible about each of us.”
“Vera was always just like that. Almost brutally clear-sighted. Even as a child, she saw through people. Saw the reasons they did things. Saw the machinery behind the façade. As she became a teenager, her nose for hypocrisy became even keener and her thirst for justice more merciless.”
In this book, Thorpe takes on a number of themes and weaves them together so seamlessly it never felt like it was too much. So many threads of our lives are intertwined with those other threads that create the big picture of who we are. In Dear Fang, With Love, an estranged father takes his sixteen-year-old daughter Vera, who has recently had a psychotic episode, on a journey to Vilnius, Lithuania, in order to strengthen the weak bond between the two. Here, he will also attempt to find a connection to his roots. In so doing, he hopes to understand more about himself and introduce Vera to the heritage that she knows so little about. He wishes this to be a healing sort of journey for the two of them.
“But isn’t that why we travel? To get disoriented. To be changed.”
I love the way Thorpe constructed this story. The majority of it is told from the father’s point of view, but at the start of each chapter we get Vera’s side of things through the medium of emails she writes to her boyfriend, Fang, back at home. In this way we see how both father and daughter view their relationship with one another and how it develops throughout their trip. It also gives additional insight into Vera’s mental illness. She’s high functioning and very intellectual. It’s difficult to discern that line between mental illness and mental stability, and Thorpe is very good at showing exactly that to the reader.
“Do I sound insane to you? Are the thoughts I’m thinking really insane? That’s what I want to know.”
“It was terrible to think about, but also building in me was a wild, irrepressible hope that it was true—that she was not mentally ill, that it had just been a big mistake.”
I’m a big fan of Rufi Thorpe now. I’d have to say my first, The Knockout Queen, is my favorite so far, but this is a hugely compelling book. It never slackens in pace – the alternation between the voices of the father and daughter keeps it fresh and revealing. I haven’t given a ton of thought about how our ancestors and their genetics are ingrained within us. Obviously I know this to be true, but haven’t examined it with any deep reflection as was done in this novel. They become a part of our biology and thus a part of our psyche as well – for better or for worse. If you’re craving an original voice in contemporary literature, I highly recommend Thorpe. If you are interested in mental illness, how past history is carried within us, or the dynamics of father/daughter relationships (I see this less often than stories about mother/daughter complexities), then this is the book to grab. Did I mention it’s smart and sometimes funny too?! Thorpe is forgiving of the flaws in her characters. She knows that not one of us is perfect. Naturally, I nod my head in agreement whenever an author gets that right.
“Is it so hard to try to love people? I feel like you always give up too soon. But we are worth loving, all of us, even though you are also right: We are ruined. There is something terrible about each of us.”
March 20, 2023
Final Review (7/11/22): This book is entirely outside my normal wheelhouse of reading but I think that is why this worked so well for me. A contemporary rooted in emotion, family connection or lack thereof and mental illness. As this was not my forte, I decided to annotate the shit out of this book, so expect quotes, which is very unlike me.
I am going to break this review up into 3 subcategories, instead of characters because each of the mains interacted with different themes in different ways. But before we get into themes, I do want to note that I find the writing to be beautiful, eloquent and dynamic. Often, when letters or diary entries are the voice of a character, I disconnect and do not like it at all. For Vera , I think the letters were a brilliant characterization move as it allowed for a concern to build for the reader but also a disconnect because the letters were not to her father, the other main character, Lucas .
Dear Fang… With Love, From Vilnus, Your Crazy, V (pg. 32-5)
Last thing, before we jump into our three themes, the setting of Vilnus, Lithuania was a magnificent choice. The history was so interesting and the eeriness of the place really set the tone for Vera’s illness. Further, Vilnus’ Holocaust history is still impacting the dynamics of people who live there. I now want to visit even if Lucas never wants to go back.
Theme 1: Fatherless kids / Newly reconnected families There are two people who grew up with a father in this book, yes, Vera and Lucas. This book follows a somewhat newly reconnected father/daughter pair and to avoid spoilers, I’m going to be vague… Their relationship is a real journey of knowing boundaries but also manipulation and guilt over years of neglect.
I didn’t know. I didn’t know my daughter well enough to ask these things. (pg. 21)
Theme 2: Emotion this may not be a theme but it is the entire basis of this book. Be prepared to be wretched, sad, depressed, angry and aggravated. All of the problems that these characters go through from the mains to Vera’s mom Katya it is all rooted in different reactions and interpretations of values which leads to strong emotional responses.
Theme 3: Mental Illness specifically Vera is diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic aspects. So I am not 100% sure how well the bipolar representation was executed because I don’t have any first experience in my personal life with someone with that diagnosis (I’m gonna scroll through the reviews & see if I can find one, then I’ll link it in the comments.)
However, an area I am familiar with is the familial impacts of mental illness. The portrayal of Lucas’ feelings towards his daughter’s diagnosis and .
Who were doctors to inspect my daughter’s brain, determine that her ideas were delusions, her mind unfit? That was the thing about bipolar --- there was no blood test, no brain scan, nothing that went into the diagnosis except one person deciding another person was insane.
Did I just write a literary essay?? Like highschool students, could basically sparknote an essay off this. Not that I would ever encourage something like that 😉. By god, I fell down a hole but this book was so beautiful my concerns are clearly laid out but to be honest in the very moment I didn’t think much of those questions. This is the longest review I've ever written!
Vilnius… shit, how many places do I wanna visit now?
4.5 stars
Pre-uni Book reading/unhauling palooza (7/3/2022): For July & whatever part of August I'm home at my parents, I will be trying to read my owned TBR but I won't be able to take most of the books to my dorm. So, this is book 1 in my love it or "list" it challenge (my mom loves HGTV, sue me). I will read 4 chapters or spend 30 minutes on each book, then decide if it is worth continuing or I kept it on my shelf because its pretty.
I am going to break this review up into 3 subcategories, instead of characters because each of the mains interacted with different themes in different ways. But before we get into themes, I do want to note that I find the writing to be beautiful, eloquent and dynamic. Often, when letters or diary entries are the voice of a character, I disconnect and do not like it at all. For Vera , I think the letters were a brilliant characterization move as it allowed for a concern to build for the reader but also a disconnect because the letters were not to her father, the other main character, Lucas .
Dear Fang… With Love, From Vilnus, Your Crazy, V (pg. 32-5)
Last thing, before we jump into our three themes, the setting of Vilnus, Lithuania was a magnificent choice. The history was so interesting and the eeriness of the place really set the tone for Vera’s illness. Further, Vilnus’ Holocaust history is still impacting the dynamics of people who live there. I now want to visit even if Lucas never wants to go back.
Theme 1: Fatherless kids / Newly reconnected families There are two people who grew up with a father in this book, yes, Vera and Lucas. This book follows a somewhat newly reconnected father/daughter pair and to avoid spoilers, I’m going to be vague… Their relationship is a real journey of knowing boundaries but also manipulation and guilt over years of neglect.
I didn’t know. I didn’t know my daughter well enough to ask these things. (pg. 21)
Theme 2: Emotion this may not be a theme but it is the entire basis of this book. Be prepared to be wretched, sad, depressed, angry and aggravated. All of the problems that these characters go through from the mains to Vera’s mom Katya it is all rooted in different reactions and interpretations of values which leads to strong emotional responses.
Theme 3: Mental Illness specifically Vera is diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic aspects. So I am not 100% sure how well the bipolar representation was executed because I don’t have any first experience in my personal life with someone with that diagnosis (I’m gonna scroll through the reviews & see if I can find one, then I’ll link it in the comments.)
However, an area I am familiar with is the familial impacts of mental illness. The portrayal of Lucas’ feelings towards his daughter’s diagnosis and .
Who were doctors to inspect my daughter’s brain, determine that her ideas were delusions, her mind unfit? That was the thing about bipolar --- there was no blood test, no brain scan, nothing that went into the diagnosis except one person deciding another person was insane.
Did I just write a literary essay?? Like highschool students, could basically sparknote an essay off this. Not that I would ever encourage something like that 😉. By god, I fell down a hole but this book was so beautiful my concerns are clearly laid out but to be honest in the very moment I didn’t think much of those questions. This is the longest review I've ever written!
Vilnius… shit, how many places do I wanna visit now?
4.5 stars
Pre-uni Book reading/unhauling palooza (7/3/2022): For July & whatever part of August I'm home at my parents, I will be trying to read my owned TBR but I won't be able to take most of the books to my dorm. So, this is book 1 in my love it or "list" it challenge (my mom loves HGTV, sue me). I will read 4 chapters or spend 30 minutes on each book, then decide if it is worth continuing or I kept it on my shelf because its pretty.
June 20, 2016
There is something so compelling yet accessible in this journey of a father and daughter. Late into his daughter's life, Lucas tries to forge a relationship with this young girl who is having, what looks to be a psychotic breakdown. His family lore, his grandmother and her stories of survival during the war lead Lucas to suggest a trip to Vilnius, Lithuania in an attempt to find his roots but also to provide his daughter with a change of scenery and an adventure.
Lucas is a wonderful, caring person, his daughter Vera a very intelligent and creative young lady, and in Vilnius much will be found and a bond forged from necessity. Narrated by Lucas and alternated with Vera's letters home to Fang, the reader learns of the disintegration of Vera's mental state. The writing is fantastic and their journey endearing. In Vilnius, Lucas will discover his past but also his future. Loved seeing and learning the facts of Vilnius, enjoyed the glimpses of humor, the quirkiness and loved seeing how the relationship changes and grows between Vera and her father.
ARC from publisher.
Lucas is a wonderful, caring person, his daughter Vera a very intelligent and creative young lady, and in Vilnius much will be found and a bond forged from necessity. Narrated by Lucas and alternated with Vera's letters home to Fang, the reader learns of the disintegration of Vera's mental state. The writing is fantastic and their journey endearing. In Vilnius, Lucas will discover his past but also his future. Loved seeing and learning the facts of Vilnius, enjoyed the glimpses of humor, the quirkiness and loved seeing how the relationship changes and grows between Vera and her father.
ARC from publisher.
June 22, 2017
I can't even write a proper review, I'm too speechless. I just wanted to say, if I was a writer, I'd want to write like Rufi Thorpe. A brazenly talented mind. I also recommend her debut novel, "The Girls From Corona del Mar". Her stories and characters break my heart. Ugh. I'm dying here.
May 24, 2020
On the one hand, this is a novel about an insecure father (Lucas) grappling with his past and ancestry - while getting to know his 17 year old daughter (Vera) who is both brilliant and unstable. And Fang, Vera's boyfriend may be the most intriguing character of all. All of this happens during a history tour in a small town in Lithuania. If that sounds tangled, it could have been, but Thorpe deftly controls the narrative. I was enthralled.
May 3, 2021
Rufi Thorpe has become one of my favourite writers - I can ascertain that based on the fact that I read and loved her three novels.
Dear Fang, With Love is about relationships of all kinds, heritage, family mythology, secrets, mental illness, guilt and so many other things. A great deal of the plot happens in Vilnius, Lithuania and I found that fascinating. I would love to visit the three Baltic countries - Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia. Look at me dreaming about travelling ...
It's difficult to articulate why I love Thorpe's writing so much. On the surface, the writing is not overly lyrical and obviously crafted to impress literary fiction connoisseurs. Thorpe's writing flows easily, the reader is not burdened with deciphering style and fancy literary devices which sometimes can put a distance between the reader and the characters. These characters are as real as they come, ordinary yet very interesting. I also loved how Thorpe structured the story. It's mostly narrated by Lucas, an English college teacher, thirty-five, who's trying hard to better his relationship with his seventeen-year-old, Vera, whom he fathered when eighteen. There's a lot of guilt and awkwardness. Vera is super intelligent and sees through people's BS. As it turns out, she's also mentally unwell. We find out Vera's thoughts through her emails to her boyfriend and through some of her Word documents. I thought that was clever.
A trip to Vilnius, Lithuania gives the father and daughter the opportunity to become closer, while also allowing Lucas to track down some of his beloved grandmother's life. It's an eventful trip, to say the least.
Thorpe's novels are so different in themes and style, I can't help but admire her versatility and look forward to reading whatever she writes next.
Dear Fang, With Love is about relationships of all kinds, heritage, family mythology, secrets, mental illness, guilt and so many other things. A great deal of the plot happens in Vilnius, Lithuania and I found that fascinating. I would love to visit the three Baltic countries - Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia. Look at me dreaming about travelling ...
It's difficult to articulate why I love Thorpe's writing so much. On the surface, the writing is not overly lyrical and obviously crafted to impress literary fiction connoisseurs. Thorpe's writing flows easily, the reader is not burdened with deciphering style and fancy literary devices which sometimes can put a distance between the reader and the characters. These characters are as real as they come, ordinary yet very interesting. I also loved how Thorpe structured the story. It's mostly narrated by Lucas, an English college teacher, thirty-five, who's trying hard to better his relationship with his seventeen-year-old, Vera, whom he fathered when eighteen. There's a lot of guilt and awkwardness. Vera is super intelligent and sees through people's BS. As it turns out, she's also mentally unwell. We find out Vera's thoughts through her emails to her boyfriend and through some of her Word documents. I thought that was clever.
A trip to Vilnius, Lithuania gives the father and daughter the opportunity to become closer, while also allowing Lucas to track down some of his beloved grandmother's life. It's an eventful trip, to say the least.
Thorpe's novels are so different in themes and style, I can't help but admire her versatility and look forward to reading whatever she writes next.
August 6, 2016
Just wow. This book is very much in my wheelhouse - cerebral and emotional, filled with questions and doubt, smatterings of historical context and events told from multiple perspectives.
I absolutely fell in love with the intelligent 17 year old Vera, diagnosed with Bipolar. Is she crazy? Is she just an over-emotional teenager? Aren't her questions and observations things we've all considered?
Thorpe handles her frailty with such brutal honestly that I couldn't tear myself away from the second half. Brilliantly, she handles Vera's father's chapter just as well - a man filled with self-doubt and basic goodness.
I loved this book and am now even more determined to read The Girls from Corona del Mar.
Read alikes:
Tell the Wolves I'm Home
Brain on Fire
I absolutely fell in love with the intelligent 17 year old Vera, diagnosed with Bipolar. Is she crazy? Is she just an over-emotional teenager? Aren't her questions and observations things we've all considered?
Thorpe handles her frailty with such brutal honestly that I couldn't tear myself away from the second half. Brilliantly, she handles Vera's father's chapter just as well - a man filled with self-doubt and basic goodness.
I loved this book and am now even more determined to read The Girls from Corona del Mar.
Read alikes:
Tell the Wolves I'm Home
Brain on Fire
April 15, 2021
This book is the bomb!! I loved everything on all of the pages. This author is new to me and I’m super impressed. The story takes us readers on a literal journey, Vera a seventeen year old girl who has had a psychotic episode and goes abroad to Lithuania on a history tour with her estranged father, they try their best to connect through this traumatic experience. However during this trip Lucas, Vera’s father, our narrator unveils his own traumatic past. What this book shows us is the destructive chain of legacy that lives inside all of us. It’s a tenuous line between reality and madness as Lucas discovers with his daughter who is dancing between the two chasms. This book is powerful in so many ways, asking the reader to think about life and the hidden meanings we strive to see to make sense of all the maddening horrors we face in our past history particularly for Lucas who carries the weight of the Holocaust, the direct ramifications of uncovering his Grandma Sylvia’s history. This book is full of insight and emotional depth that I will treasure forever. I know I will revisit this book again, although the book can be rather bleak in it’s analysis it also reminds us to live in the moment, we simply can’t change the past as much as we try to distance ourselves or try to erase it. I’m so in love with this book and it will be placed prominently in my favourites list.
August 24, 2018
I'm not sure how to do this book justice. I've now read both of Rufi Thorpe's novels, and while I really enjoyed and admired The Girls from Corona del Mar, I loved this one even more. It felt so much more intimate and close, and the stakes felt so much higher. Something about Thorpe's writing really appeals to me—it's vivid and has a great sense of place, but doesn't weigh the reader down with ponderous descriptions; she knows how to keep things moving. And her characters are remarkable: as a reader you feel constantly off-balance and not sure who to trust, not because anyone is deliberately being deceptive but because everyone is just so human. What's better than that? Her books aren't really sentimental but they convey a lot of emotion, and I was unexpectedly in tears by the end. These days there aren't many authors on my "must buy" list, but with this book Thorpe has earned a place on it. I really hope she's working on another book because I'm already excited to read it.
December 4, 2018
(I read this in March but couldn't post about it until the full round of this year's postal book swap had finished.)
I like stories that are told in pieces the way this is - emails, letters, etc. I liked that some of these pieces are hidden until a very important moment, and they do tell a completely different story.
In a story about a young woman who has mental illness, I appreciated that so many chapters come from her father's point of view. He has his own stories, his own desires, his own blind spots.
It isn't too unsurprising that mental illness is so often left undiagnosed, or a diagnosis is abandoned. Wouldn't we all rather explain it away? I felt very compassionately toward Vera and Lucas.
There's something about this book that reminds me of The Idiot by Elif Batuman (not just the pink cover!) Something tells me if you liked one, you'd like the other.
I like stories that are told in pieces the way this is - emails, letters, etc. I liked that some of these pieces are hidden until a very important moment, and they do tell a completely different story.
In a story about a young woman who has mental illness, I appreciated that so many chapters come from her father's point of view. He has his own stories, his own desires, his own blind spots.
It isn't too unsurprising that mental illness is so often left undiagnosed, or a diagnosis is abandoned. Wouldn't we all rather explain it away? I felt very compassionately toward Vera and Lucas.
There's something about this book that reminds me of The Idiot by Elif Batuman (not just the pink cover!) Something tells me if you liked one, you'd like the other.
July 12, 2016
Review originally posted at
All Books Considered: 5 STARS
I am honestly torn between four and a half and five stars for this one -- it's almost like I don't even know what five stars means anymore. That being, said, this is definitely one of my favorite reads of this year and also completely surprised me. Not because I wasn't expecting it to be good but because not only was the writing absolutely astounding but the story also hooked me from the beginning. I loved the way in which this story was told -- each chapter began with a letter from Vera to her boyfriend and then transitioned to a first person POV from Lucas, Vera's father; there was some overlap but it was so interesting to have each scene told from such varied perspectives, none of which was repetitive. The epistolary format from Vera coupled with the first person POV from Lucas worked so well that I looked forward to the alternating narratives to get a complete picture of what was going on. Most of the book takes place in Vilnius, Lithuania and it was made to seem so, so magical! Of course, there was also this very serious undercurrent of history and sorrow to the city from its German occupation during World War II. Many of the characters in the book are Jewish and American and have come to the city for a history tour and to try and find out more about their relatives that lived in Vilnius before and during the occupation; many of their relatives were in concentration camps or were the only survivors of their family because they somehow escaped. It may seem like there are a lot of threads to this story but it didn't feel that way when reading it -- everything and everyone seemed interconnected. I really loved this book; it has its sad and scary moments but it is so beautiful in both.
I highly recommend this to fans of literary fiction; this is a brilliant story and a stunning portrayal of a different side of bi-polarism -- being a semi-absent parent to a bi-polar teenager. And yet, it is so much more -- it is about our history, our genealogy, our second chances and, yes, a parent's love. I was reminded of some my other all-time favorites when I finished this one -- not necessarily because of the similarity in the plots, although you can find similar threads in all of these, but because I was just so blown away with awe and beauty -- Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl, The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt and Last Night in Montreal by Emily St. John Mandel. Dear Fang, With Love comes out today, May 24, 2016, and I hope you consider reading this one!
I am honestly torn between four and a half and five stars for this one -- it's almost like I don't even know what five stars means anymore. That being, said, this is definitely one of my favorite reads of this year and also completely surprised me. Not because I wasn't expecting it to be good but because not only was the writing absolutely astounding but the story also hooked me from the beginning. I loved the way in which this story was told -- each chapter began with a letter from Vera to her boyfriend and then transitioned to a first person POV from Lucas, Vera's father; there was some overlap but it was so interesting to have each scene told from such varied perspectives, none of which was repetitive. The epistolary format from Vera coupled with the first person POV from Lucas worked so well that I looked forward to the alternating narratives to get a complete picture of what was going on. Most of the book takes place in Vilnius, Lithuania and it was made to seem so, so magical! Of course, there was also this very serious undercurrent of history and sorrow to the city from its German occupation during World War II. Many of the characters in the book are Jewish and American and have come to the city for a history tour and to try and find out more about their relatives that lived in Vilnius before and during the occupation; many of their relatives were in concentration camps or were the only survivors of their family because they somehow escaped. It may seem like there are a lot of threads to this story but it didn't feel that way when reading it -- everything and everyone seemed interconnected. I really loved this book; it has its sad and scary moments but it is so beautiful in both.
I highly recommend this to fans of literary fiction; this is a brilliant story and a stunning portrayal of a different side of bi-polarism -- being a semi-absent parent to a bi-polar teenager. And yet, it is so much more -- it is about our history, our genealogy, our second chances and, yes, a parent's love. I was reminded of some my other all-time favorites when I finished this one -- not necessarily because of the similarity in the plots, although you can find similar threads in all of these, but because I was just so blown away with awe and beauty -- Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl, The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt and Last Night in Montreal by Emily St. John Mandel. Dear Fang, With Love comes out today, May 24, 2016, and I hope you consider reading this one!
Yet who was anyone to police someone else's thoughts and decide which were sane and which insane? Who were doctors to inspect my daughter's brain, determine that her ideas were delusions, her mind unfit? That was the thing about bipolar--there was no blood test, no brain scan, nothing that went into the diagnosis except one person deciding another person was insane.
October 10, 2015
The Holocaust, mental illness, personal realities, absent fathers, and a father trying to be present. What really attracted me to this book was the trip to Vilnius. I want to learn more about the area and it's history. I did, but it was really the themes of Vilnius that were the focus. The landscape and history that I was immersed in were personal. Lucas and his daughter Vera are not close and Lucas hopes a trip to the land his grandmother was born in will improve their relationship and help Vera recover from a recent psychotic episode.
The narration is Lucas's with writings from Vera beginning each chapter. As the reader, we see that Vera is not as happy or well. Lucas seems like he's drifting through life but he's hiding his own struggles, doubts, and pain.
This is a beautiful, painful, compassionate, and thoughtful story. Lucas and Vera each question what reality is, how people relate to each other, and how history influences our beings. Every character changes as they reveal not only how they see themselves but how they see others. The way they're connected and how they connect to each other is really beautiful--even when the connections sour or are fleeting. I wanted to know more (hear more) from some characters, but I was left feeling like most of them would continue to communicate with each other and do a better job of it. The ending isn't wrapped in a bow but some revelations Lucas had makes me think the stories will progress in a healthier, more satisfying way than they began for Lucas, Vera, and Katya. Hopefully for Adam and the others, too.
The narration is Lucas's with writings from Vera beginning each chapter. As the reader, we see that Vera is not as happy or well. Lucas seems like he's drifting through life but he's hiding his own struggles, doubts, and pain.
This is a beautiful, painful, compassionate, and thoughtful story. Lucas and Vera each question what reality is, how people relate to each other, and how history influences our beings. Every character changes as they reveal not only how they see themselves but how they see others. The way they're connected and how they connect to each other is really beautiful--even when the connections sour or are fleeting. I wanted to know more (hear more) from some characters, but I was left feeling like most of them would continue to communicate with each other and do a better job of it. The ending isn't wrapped in a bow but some revelations Lucas had makes me think the stories will progress in a healthier, more satisfying way than they began for Lucas, Vera, and Katya. Hopefully for Adam and the others, too.
October 18, 2020
I discovered Rufi Thorpe through her new book
The Knockout Queen
and wanted more, more, more. The woman has writing chops.
Dear Fang, with Love, published in 2016, is not as tightly written, but the characters—mainly a father and his teenage daughter, along with many subsidiary characters—are just as real and enticing. The book is a journey of a father getting to know his daughter, grappling with mental illness. But to say that is to diminish it. Thorpe’s depth and curiosity about life, consciousness, and the nature of our existence makes everything vibrate.
I didn’t even care that subsidiary characters kind of faded out without much connection to the big story. But seeing that made me see how much Thorpe has grown as a writer between this book and The Knockout Queen. She is going to be around for the long haul and who knows where she will go. I’ll be following, eager to read anything she writes.
Dear Fang, with Love, published in 2016, is not as tightly written, but the characters—mainly a father and his teenage daughter, along with many subsidiary characters—are just as real and enticing. The book is a journey of a father getting to know his daughter, grappling with mental illness. But to say that is to diminish it. Thorpe’s depth and curiosity about life, consciousness, and the nature of our existence makes everything vibrate.
I didn’t even care that subsidiary characters kind of faded out without much connection to the big story. But seeing that made me see how much Thorpe has grown as a writer between this book and The Knockout Queen. She is going to be around for the long haul and who knows where she will go. I’ll be following, eager to read anything she writes.
July 17, 2016
I tore through this book in 2 days. In essence, it’s the story of a clueless and passive 35 year old with a drinking problem who travels to Vilnius, Lithuania with his (maybe) mentally ill daughter to research his family background and Holocaust connection. Great stuff. I’ve enjoyed both of this author’s novels.
October 15, 2018
"I knew what bipolar was in a vague, strictly literary way, but I didn't know the differences between I and II, didn't know the treatment protocols. I didn't know that they were telling me my daughter would never live a completely functional adult life, that she would always be on medication, that the medication would affect her health, that she might not be able to hold a job, that she might not be able to graduate college, that she might not be able to sustain long-term relationships, like a marriage or even close friendships, that she should not have children. I thought they were telling me my daughter was being rebellious and emotional, things I already knew."
Rufi Thorpe's characters are nuanced in ways that make them spring to life. They're people we know: friends, family, beings we believe in and (often) empathize with. Everything about this fictional story rings true. From its presentation of a dysfunctional family to the challenges of living with bipolar disorder and depression. Yet, all that is secondary to the real heart of the narrative ~ the dynamic of an estranged father trying to connect with a daughter he desperately loves.
This is fantastic story telling that I found hard to put down.
Rufi Thorpe's characters are nuanced in ways that make them spring to life. They're people we know: friends, family, beings we believe in and (often) empathize with. Everything about this fictional story rings true. From its presentation of a dysfunctional family to the challenges of living with bipolar disorder and depression. Yet, all that is secondary to the real heart of the narrative ~ the dynamic of an estranged father trying to connect with a daughter he desperately loves.
This is fantastic story telling that I found hard to put down.
July 11, 2017
If there's one book I'm terrified of writing a review of, it's Dear Fang, With Love by Rufi Thorpe. Why? Because there's literally nothing about it that I'd want to change. The writing is perfect. The plot is so intricate and unstoppable. The characters are EXTREMELY well-developed; they weren't flat or neglected or overdone. The themes and subject matter were important too.
The basic premise includes Vera who's recovering from a mental breakdown and is off on a trip to Europe with her father, who is desperately trying to get close to her. As the history tour of the city of Vilnius goes on, Vera and her father unravel their past and uncover truths that change their lives forever.
Now, let's talk about Vera's Dad. He's 'simple' acc to her, but I say he's just a guy who never really understood how much of the world he could make his own. I think he suffers from not knowing his own extent of influence and not being able to pull himself together. He's also one of those rare characters I relate to in some ways.
The thing that stands out in Dear Fang, With Love is Thorpe's unceasing precision at protraying mental illness, how modern families deal with it and what it really does to a person. In fact, she flawlessly presents the extent to which mental illness is misunderstood or can be neglected.
The novel deals with another major theme; the holocaust. It was interesting for me to read the narrative on the matter, I felt it was a fitting exploration of life after war, and how survivors or their families pick up the pieces.
Thorpe uncovers with perfection the dynamics between a father-daughter duo and brings you in close proximity with what it's like to search for people and what the past meant. Thorpe writes Vilnius into a small city that lives on despite war and gore, very much like people should learn to.
Thank you @aaknopf for sending me this beauty. It's now on my favourites shelf.
#rufithorpe
The basic premise includes Vera who's recovering from a mental breakdown and is off on a trip to Europe with her father, who is desperately trying to get close to her. As the history tour of the city of Vilnius goes on, Vera and her father unravel their past and uncover truths that change their lives forever.
Now, let's talk about Vera's Dad. He's 'simple' acc to her, but I say he's just a guy who never really understood how much of the world he could make his own. I think he suffers from not knowing his own extent of influence and not being able to pull himself together. He's also one of those rare characters I relate to in some ways.
The thing that stands out in Dear Fang, With Love is Thorpe's unceasing precision at protraying mental illness, how modern families deal with it and what it really does to a person. In fact, she flawlessly presents the extent to which mental illness is misunderstood or can be neglected.
The novel deals with another major theme; the holocaust. It was interesting for me to read the narrative on the matter, I felt it was a fitting exploration of life after war, and how survivors or their families pick up the pieces.
Thorpe uncovers with perfection the dynamics between a father-daughter duo and brings you in close proximity with what it's like to search for people and what the past meant. Thorpe writes Vilnius into a small city that lives on despite war and gore, very much like people should learn to.
Thank you @aaknopf for sending me this beauty. It's now on my favourites shelf.
#rufithorpe
May 23, 2016
"The beauty of ruined things"
The thing I loved about this book is its unexpectedness, the way I had no idea where it was going. Thorpe has pulled together a complicated narrative which takes in issues of family and responsibility, the relationships between parents and children, and it ranges from Lithuania under the Nazis to present-day America. What holds it all together are the voices of Lucas and his troubled yet charismatic daughter Vera as they both, in different ways, have to confront their pasts and look towards their futures.
Thorpe has created a fine set of characters who leap off the page, and is especially good at narrative voices: as we switch between Lucas and Vera, we're never in any doubt about who is speaking.
I don't want to give away plot points but this is a warm and emotionally-mature book which is also unflinching as it deals with difficult subjects and flawed protagonists. All the same, there is a sense of vividness about it, and something very hopeful - a lovely book with important things to say about how we live in the face of death.
The thing I loved about this book is its unexpectedness, the way I had no idea where it was going. Thorpe has pulled together a complicated narrative which takes in issues of family and responsibility, the relationships between parents and children, and it ranges from Lithuania under the Nazis to present-day America. What holds it all together are the voices of Lucas and his troubled yet charismatic daughter Vera as they both, in different ways, have to confront their pasts and look towards their futures.
Thorpe has created a fine set of characters who leap off the page, and is especially good at narrative voices: as we switch between Lucas and Vera, we're never in any doubt about who is speaking.
I don't want to give away plot points but this is a warm and emotionally-mature book which is also unflinching as it deals with difficult subjects and flawed protagonists. All the same, there is a sense of vividness about it, and something very hopeful - a lovely book with important things to say about how we live in the face of death.
February 17, 2017
Exceptional story. Something new, fresh and different. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Story captures so many issues and aspects of human life. Father and daughter trip to Vilnius, Lithuania. The father, Lucas was crazy in love with Kat, Russian girl that he met in a school, when still young they made a baby (“Let’s make a baby, baby”). With pregnant Kat, they went to live on a commune of free living hippies, working on a farm. That was too much for a young Lucas, who called his mother and eventually disappeared from Kat, and his daughter lives. But now, year and years later he is working on his father – daughter relationship. The daughter, Vera is seventeen, is a very insightful and unusual teenager. She has a psychotic breakdown, and is diagnosed with bipolar, but she’s’ refusing to accept this diagnosis. Those two are setting on a history tour to Easter Europe, where they can revisit history of Jews – Vera is a Jew, and history of Lucas’ grandmother Sylvia that survived the war and spend some time in Vilnius and later in Poland.
Vilnius is presented beautifully in the story, its history is effecting all the characters in the book in its own way. Vera is impossibly moved by the story of Great Synagogue that was demolished, and on which place now stands a kindergarten. Meeting with geologist shows a new perspective on Lucas’ family history and stories told by his mother. There is a bunch of very interesting people also on the history tour that bring something new to the main characters, help us understand them better.
Vera’s voice is especially intriguing, her emails to her boyfriend, and Word documents are sometimes funny, sometimes chaotic or impulsive. They show very well how she feels and how her mood changes throughout the trip to Vilnius. More prominent voice is Lucas’. He is struggling with his thoughts, with his family history, with being a father to Vera, with being liked by Vera, with lack of love in his life, with his love for Kat, with never finishing his dissertation, with never feeling enough.
I very often felt connected to the story, to the thoughts of the characters. I loved how Vilnius was presented, and now I definitely need to go there! It is an unusual story and something that was just right up my allay. Also I tend to respond well to books that mention Poland, or Easter Europe, or in this case, polish poet Czesław Miłosz.
Story captures so many issues and aspects of human life. Father and daughter trip to Vilnius, Lithuania. The father, Lucas was crazy in love with Kat, Russian girl that he met in a school, when still young they made a baby (“Let’s make a baby, baby”). With pregnant Kat, they went to live on a commune of free living hippies, working on a farm. That was too much for a young Lucas, who called his mother and eventually disappeared from Kat, and his daughter lives. But now, year and years later he is working on his father – daughter relationship. The daughter, Vera is seventeen, is a very insightful and unusual teenager. She has a psychotic breakdown, and is diagnosed with bipolar, but she’s’ refusing to accept this diagnosis. Those two are setting on a history tour to Easter Europe, where they can revisit history of Jews – Vera is a Jew, and history of Lucas’ grandmother Sylvia that survived the war and spend some time in Vilnius and later in Poland.
Vilnius is presented beautifully in the story, its history is effecting all the characters in the book in its own way. Vera is impossibly moved by the story of Great Synagogue that was demolished, and on which place now stands a kindergarten. Meeting with geologist shows a new perspective on Lucas’ family history and stories told by his mother. There is a bunch of very interesting people also on the history tour that bring something new to the main characters, help us understand them better.
Vera’s voice is especially intriguing, her emails to her boyfriend, and Word documents are sometimes funny, sometimes chaotic or impulsive. They show very well how she feels and how her mood changes throughout the trip to Vilnius. More prominent voice is Lucas’. He is struggling with his thoughts, with his family history, with being a father to Vera, with being liked by Vera, with lack of love in his life, with his love for Kat, with never finishing his dissertation, with never feeling enough.
I very often felt connected to the story, to the thoughts of the characters. I loved how Vilnius was presented, and now I definitely need to go there! It is an unusual story and something that was just right up my allay. Also I tend to respond well to books that mention Poland, or Easter Europe, or in this case, polish poet Czesław Miłosz.
September 15, 2016
Holy wow, did I ever love this book. The only thing I didn't love about it was the terrible, terrible title, but I loved absolutely everything else.
The budding father-daughter relationship between these two semi-strangers is fascinating, and the contrast of the two settings is perfection: plucking these two characters out of sterile suburban southern California and tossing them into old-world Vilnius, Lithuania and watching them flail around there in completely distinctive, individual ways. I am also a complete sucker for the marriage of style and character here in that the simple first-person narration of Lucas's parts contrasts perfectly with the way you never hear seventeen-year-old Vera in her own voice (and therefore have to piece together a complete picture of who she is based on a combination of her father's take on her and her letters and other scraps of writing). The theme of what makes us us (is it what we inherit from our ancestors? is it the choices we make? or maybe we're not ourselves at all?) is present in every beat in a wholly literary way, but never in a way that makes the book less penetrable. And the prose, too, is always so carefully note-perfectly gorgeous, but in this completely accessible way that makes the poetry of the language just feel like another part of sinking into the the characters' minds.
Now I want to read everything else this author has written. (Which consists of precisely one other novel so far, so hey, at least that will be easy!) Seriously, holy wow!
The budding father-daughter relationship between these two semi-strangers is fascinating, and the contrast of the two settings is perfection: plucking these two characters out of sterile suburban southern California and tossing them into old-world Vilnius, Lithuania and watching them flail around there in completely distinctive, individual ways. I am also a complete sucker for the marriage of style and character here in that the simple first-person narration of Lucas's parts contrasts perfectly with the way you never hear seventeen-year-old Vera in her own voice (and therefore have to piece together a complete picture of who she is based on a combination of her father's take on her and her letters and other scraps of writing). The theme of what makes us us (is it what we inherit from our ancestors? is it the choices we make? or maybe we're not ourselves at all?) is present in every beat in a wholly literary way, but never in a way that makes the book less penetrable. And the prose, too, is always so carefully note-perfectly gorgeous, but in this completely accessible way that makes the poetry of the language just feel like another part of sinking into the the characters' minds.
Now I want to read everything else this author has written. (Which consists of precisely one other novel so far, so hey, at least that will be easy!) Seriously, holy wow!
August 29, 2016
This book is one of the reasons I love to read. I was completely transported to a place (Lithuania) that I will probably never visit. Thorpe did such a masterful job of recreating Vilnius, right down to the farmer's cheese and wine that I felt like I was there. Her character development was amazing. These were all people that you could know in your everyday life but at the same time were so layered and nuanced that you want to keep reading so you can find out a little bit more about them as the pages turn. The relationships and the circumstances were very believable. Vera was a hoot (that's all I am going to say so I don't give anything away). The history both present-day, close past and WWII past was incredibly interesting and I loved this book! Thank you to my gals, Diane and Alena for reading it first so I could judge from their reactions how I might feel about this book! I so rarely do that - ha! Great book- definitely recommend.
February 18, 2023
But isn't that why we travel? To get disorientated. To be changed. p127
When you're in a strange place you don't have any cues as to who you are. p263
Some people take well to this, discovering inner resources that allow them to make the most of the opportunities presented them. Most people seem to lack the initiative to do this and rather cling to shards of meaning culled from what passes for contemporary wisdom. Stand out and labels are considered and advice for medication.
Still, even knowing his logic, what could Lucas have been thinking when he lit on a trip to the old country as a means to connect with his troubled daughter and give her a deeper sense of her roots.
Lithuania holds its own dark secrets, and things unfold as they must.
Maybe it was because she had always been so insightful that it had been possible to overlook her madness. p253
But for Vera. her struggle to appear sane takes a stern toll.
The idea that we are rational and in control of our actions is a recent and temporary delusion. p159
It was a herculean task she had set for herself, impossible if it were real, but even sadder and more impossible if it was not. p251
RT has an ease with language that makes her a pleasure to read, and this surprisingly terrific book would be 5/7 in my system
My life was nothing without the books I read. p95
It was really hard to tell whether or not it was good, but I found myself liking it anyway. p167
When you're in a strange place you don't have any cues as to who you are. p263
Some people take well to this, discovering inner resources that allow them to make the most of the opportunities presented them. Most people seem to lack the initiative to do this and rather cling to shards of meaning culled from what passes for contemporary wisdom. Stand out and labels are considered and advice for medication.
Still, even knowing his logic, what could Lucas have been thinking when he lit on a trip to the old country as a means to connect with his troubled daughter and give her a deeper sense of her roots.
Lithuania holds its own dark secrets, and things unfold as they must.
Maybe it was because she had always been so insightful that it had been possible to overlook her madness. p253
But for Vera. her struggle to appear sane takes a stern toll.
The idea that we are rational and in control of our actions is a recent and temporary delusion. p159
It was a herculean task she had set for herself, impossible if it were real, but even sadder and more impossible if it was not. p251
RT has an ease with language that makes her a pleasure to read, and this surprisingly terrific book would be 5/7 in my system
My life was nothing without the books I read. p95
It was really hard to tell whether or not it was good, but I found myself liking it anyway. p167
November 28, 2019
“It didn’t matter how terrified I was. It didn’t matter that there was no solution to the problem we faced. We would simply have to fix it anyway. We didn’t have to be brave or heroic, we merely had to persist. And I found that I could do that.”
I absolutely adored this story about an estranged father, Lucas, who takes his teenage daughter, Vera, on a trip to Lithuania after she suffers a psychotic break.
Vera is one of my favorite literary characters in recent memory. She’s sharp, funny, and brilliant, with an undercurrent of immense sadness. Lucas is extremely likable, too, as he attempts to navigate the complexities of fatherhood and reflects on the choices he has made.
There’s a story that has been passed down about his grandmother being released by a Nazi guard after being taken to a concentration camp during the Holocaust, and the purpose of the trip to Lithuania is for Lucas to learn more about his family, to piece together the puzzle of his history.
In many ways we define ourselves by the stories we tell, but there’s always the reality that those stories could be completely upended—and that reality can shake our very sense of self.
And what happens when we never find the answers we sought out to find? How do we cope with the dizzying uncertainties of life without giving in to despair?
There is so much wisdom about identity and family and love packed into this emotionally intelligent novel. I loved it.
I absolutely adored this story about an estranged father, Lucas, who takes his teenage daughter, Vera, on a trip to Lithuania after she suffers a psychotic break.
Vera is one of my favorite literary characters in recent memory. She’s sharp, funny, and brilliant, with an undercurrent of immense sadness. Lucas is extremely likable, too, as he attempts to navigate the complexities of fatherhood and reflects on the choices he has made.
There’s a story that has been passed down about his grandmother being released by a Nazi guard after being taken to a concentration camp during the Holocaust, and the purpose of the trip to Lithuania is for Lucas to learn more about his family, to piece together the puzzle of his history.
In many ways we define ourselves by the stories we tell, but there’s always the reality that those stories could be completely upended—and that reality can shake our very sense of self.
And what happens when we never find the answers we sought out to find? How do we cope with the dizzying uncertainties of life without giving in to despair?
There is so much wisdom about identity and family and love packed into this emotionally intelligent novel. I loved it.
July 3, 2017
I chose to read this book as a form of catharsis and to face fears about myself. I was diagnosed with bipolar I at the same age as Vera and had such similar experiences. This book is mostly told from her father's perspective, so it shed a light on how my parents and other parents feel about and cope with manic episodes. The author must have a extremely close connection to the illness because it was accurate to my experience in many ways. I'm still processing the emotions and fears this book stirred up in my heart that this review seems so formal. I was struck by the passage talking about how those with mental illnesses have to choose mental health or
physical health as so many medications affect your body in negative ways. I thought all of the characters were beautifully flawed and I felt like I too was exploring Lithuania. In the end, I felt oddly comforted by reading about someone's experience with my illness because I feel less like an anomaly and more like my symptoms and episodes had clinical patterns- meaning the doctors know what to look for and know what's going on during a manic state. Anyways, I thought a lot of things and still will be thinking about this one for a long time.
physical health as so many medications affect your body in negative ways. I thought all of the characters were beautifully flawed and I felt like I too was exploring Lithuania. In the end, I felt oddly comforted by reading about someone's experience with my illness because I feel less like an anomaly and more like my symptoms and episodes had clinical patterns- meaning the doctors know what to look for and know what's going on during a manic state. Anyways, I thought a lot of things and still will be thinking about this one for a long time.
June 5, 2016
Fantastic book--will be on my favorites of the year list without a doubt. It isn't perfect but it is perfectly compelling with well-drawn characters and glimmers of Gary Shteyngart and Shalom Auslander. I was drawn in within the first few pages and when I wasn't reading it, only thought about when I could get back to it. I'm not typically wild about epistolary novels but this one isn't entirely letters (or more accurately, emails) but this is so deftly handled and Vera's voice is so strong that those sections work--and the format makes more sense by the end.
This will be a great book for book clubs--I wish now that I'd saved it for mine.
This will be a great book for book clubs--I wish now that I'd saved it for mine.
May 28, 2016
Truly an exceptional book on many levels, this is the story of a father and daughter, never close due to the circumstances of her birth, and how they come to a redemption of sorts. Immensely readable, there is much more to this than is in the blurbs. Vera was born to 18 year old parents, and raised entirely in her mother's family. Lucas, her father, ostensibly goes on with his life but always feels something of a void, finally moving to California when Vera is 11 to establish connection. After 17 year old Vera experiences a frightening psychotic break, Lucas gets the idea to take his fragile daughter to Vilnius Lithuania, the city his fabled grandmother fled during WWII. That's the bare bones of this book, and the stories that fill it out are original, unexpected, full of history and psychological insight. Each chapter begins with communications from Vera addressed to her boyfriend Fang, followed by first person account by Lucas, but none of it feels forced -- its humanity in present on every page. Highly recommended.
January 10, 2019
"We didn't have to be brave or heroic, we merely had to persist."
Really loved this! A compelling book that takes you on a journey -- one that's happy, sad, fulfilling, and leaving you wanting more all at once. At its core it is about family and the concept of relation to one another, whether it's by blood or just by being there. It's about knowing another person or wanting to know another person and the difficulties that come up in being able to truly do so.
Thorpe does a wonderful job at describing Vilnius, it's landscapes, and it's history. She really painted a picture and definitely made me add this to my list of places I need to visit!
I loved all of the characters and think it ended too abruptly only because I wanted MORE of their world. Everyone was so well developed and you truly understood them on a personal level and felt their happiness and their suffering as they did. The depiction of Vera's mental illness and subsequent breakdowns was done in such a real way without being cliche. This was as lovely as it was heart wrenching.
Really loved this! A compelling book that takes you on a journey -- one that's happy, sad, fulfilling, and leaving you wanting more all at once. At its core it is about family and the concept of relation to one another, whether it's by blood or just by being there. It's about knowing another person or wanting to know another person and the difficulties that come up in being able to truly do so.
Thorpe does a wonderful job at describing Vilnius, it's landscapes, and it's history. She really painted a picture and definitely made me add this to my list of places I need to visit!
I loved all of the characters and think it ended too abruptly only because I wanted MORE of their world. Everyone was so well developed and you truly understood them on a personal level and felt their happiness and their suffering as they did. The depiction of Vera's mental illness and subsequent breakdowns was done in such a real way without being cliche. This was as lovely as it was heart wrenching.
October 11, 2016
17 year old Vera may or may not be mentally ill. She has only recently reconnected with her father and they decide to go on a trip to Poland to learn more about their family history. I really liked this book. It was smart and real with flawed characters and just enough quirk. Vera was a fascinating character and much of what you learn about her comes from her letters to her boyfriend, Fang which leave you questioning her bipolar diagnosis. Definitely an under the radar gem.
June 28, 2016
A captivating look at family history, the Holocaust and the struggle of mental illness that families and individuals face.
I really enjoyed Rufi Thorpe's second book and learned about parts of the Holocaust that were new to me, as the majority of the book takes place in Lithuania.
I highly recommend Dear Fang, With Love.
I really enjoyed Rufi Thorpe's second book and learned about parts of the Holocaust that were new to me, as the majority of the book takes place in Lithuania.
I highly recommend Dear Fang, With Love.
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July 25, 2016For more reviews, visit www.ebooksandcooks.com
Katya and Lucas were attending Exeter (the fancy boarding school) when, during their senior year, Katya proposed that they have a baby and live on a communal farm. When Katya refused prenatal care, Lucas called his parents, and the teenagers returned to their families’ homes. Lucas never saw Katya fully pregnant, nor did he meet their daughter, Vera, until she was four. Vera was eleven before Lucas was any sort of father figure in her life. But since she turned eleven, he has been a weekend dad.
At 16, Vera attended a high school party where she stripped naked, began baptizing the cheerleaders with liqueur, and sliced up her arms with a kitchen knife. She was taken out on a stretcher and held in a mental hospital as a danger to herself and others. Eventually, she was diagnosed as bipolar I with psychotic features and was placed on heavy medication.
Now that Vera has been stable on the medication for about a year, Lucas proposes a father/daughter trip to Vilnius, Lithuania, his grandmother’s hometown. A lot of people were put to death by the Nazis in Lithuania, but Lucas’ grandmother escaped and found her way to Poland where she helped the resistance. Lucas grew up hearing stories about this part of the world and his grandmother’s life but has never visited there. He is excited to take the trip and have Vera with him.
Katya is a Russian Jew. She has raised Vera in the Jewish tradition and approves of this trip because it is a Jewish history tour. Katya is happy that Vera is enthusiastic about the trip because during her first year on psychiatric medications for her bipolar disorder, she hasn’t been excited about much.
Lucas and Vera take off for Lithuania. I’ll leave to you to find out what happens on their trip, but the novel is worth reading. I learned a lot about the history of Lithuania, yet it did not feel like a history lesson. The relationship between Lucas and Vera was dynamic. I liked and felt engaged with both of them as characters. The story was told through emails from Vera to her boyfriend Fang (hence the title) at the beginning of each chapter followed by narration about the trip by Lucas. I definitely enjoyed this combination of epistolary and narrative storytelling. I highly recommend this book!
Katya and Lucas were attending Exeter (the fancy boarding school) when, during their senior year, Katya proposed that they have a baby and live on a communal farm. When Katya refused prenatal care, Lucas called his parents, and the teenagers returned to their families’ homes. Lucas never saw Katya fully pregnant, nor did he meet their daughter, Vera, until she was four. Vera was eleven before Lucas was any sort of father figure in her life. But since she turned eleven, he has been a weekend dad.
At 16, Vera attended a high school party where she stripped naked, began baptizing the cheerleaders with liqueur, and sliced up her arms with a kitchen knife. She was taken out on a stretcher and held in a mental hospital as a danger to herself and others. Eventually, she was diagnosed as bipolar I with psychotic features and was placed on heavy medication.
Now that Vera has been stable on the medication for about a year, Lucas proposes a father/daughter trip to Vilnius, Lithuania, his grandmother’s hometown. A lot of people were put to death by the Nazis in Lithuania, but Lucas’ grandmother escaped and found her way to Poland where she helped the resistance. Lucas grew up hearing stories about this part of the world and his grandmother’s life but has never visited there. He is excited to take the trip and have Vera with him.
Katya is a Russian Jew. She has raised Vera in the Jewish tradition and approves of this trip because it is a Jewish history tour. Katya is happy that Vera is enthusiastic about the trip because during her first year on psychiatric medications for her bipolar disorder, she hasn’t been excited about much.
Lucas and Vera take off for Lithuania. I’ll leave to you to find out what happens on their trip, but the novel is worth reading. I learned a lot about the history of Lithuania, yet it did not feel like a history lesson. The relationship between Lucas and Vera was dynamic. I liked and felt engaged with both of them as characters. The story was told through emails from Vera to her boyfriend Fang (hence the title) at the beginning of each chapter followed by narration about the trip by Lucas. I definitely enjoyed this combination of epistolary and narrative storytelling. I highly recommend this book!
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