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Show Yourself To Me: Queer Kink Erotica
In SHOW YOURSELF TO ME: QUEER KINK EROTICA, Xan West introduces us to pretty boys and nervous boys, vulnerable tops and dominant sadists, good girls and fierce girls and scared little girls, mean Daddies and loving Daddies and Daddies that are terrifying in delicious ways.
Submissive queers go to alleys to suck cock, get bent over the bathroom sink by a handsome stranger, choose to face their fears, have their Daddy orchestrate a gang bang in the park, and get their dream gender-play scene—tied to a sling in an accessible dungeon.
Dominants find hope and take risks, fall hard and push edges, get fucked and devour the fear and tears that their sadist hearts desire.
Within these 24 stories, you will meet queers who build community together, who are careful about how they play with power, who care deeply about consent. You will meet trans and genderqueer folks who are hot for each other, who mentor each other, who do the kind of gender play that is only possible with other trans and genderqueer folks.
This is SHOW YOURSELF TO ME. Get ready for a very wild ride.
---
Introduction by Annabeth Leong
ADVANCE PRAISE FOR SHOW YOURSELF TO ME
“It would be easy to say that Show Yourself to Me is an amazing work and that Xan is an incredible author. The fact is that Xan hasn’t just written a great book, but a book that changes what erotica can and should be. Prepare yourself: from this point on, erotica is measured by what Xan has done and will do in the future.” —M. Christian, author, editor, publisher
“Xan West’s work is fierce and absolutely fearless.” —Simon Sheppard
“At last! An entire collection of radically queer, deeply transformative erotica by Xan West! No one chronicles queer kinkiness with more passion, skill, courage, and talent.” —Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra and Ecstasy is Necessary
“In Show Yourself to Me, you will read erotica about characters that are queer, trans, POC, fat, some with chronic pain and/or various dis/abilities (and more). Where has that happened before? Reading erotica that reflects so much of who I am and who my partner(s) are is pretty mind-blowing and not something I’ve ever seen published. Xan West writes stories about desires that are often stigmatized and silenced, and shows how purely erotic they are, which is amazing, beautiful, and, frankly, refreshing.” —Wyatt Riot, sex educator
“I love this collection. It’s wonderfully intense in the best possible way. I adored the content warnings in the front. What a great idea!” —Alisha Rai, author of Serving Pleasure, Bedroom Games, and A Gentleman in the Street
“[Xan West’s Show Yourself to Me is] insightful and intense, diverse and deliciously hot, and full of the deep rituals and spiritual, sexual yearnings of kink. Xan West writes it the way most kinky folks dream of living it.” —Carol Queen, PhD, author of The Leather Daddy and the Femme
“Xan West’s work sends shock waves through the imagination that will send any reader over the edge into total sexual oblivion. A writer to watch, love, and be enticed by.” —Shane Allison, editor of Backdraft: Fireman Erotica, In Plain View: Gay Public Sex, and Black Fire: Gay African American Erotica
“Xan West’s Show Yourself to Me proves that the most important sex organ is the brain. Smart, hot, intense stories that are some of the finest erotic fiction around, [they] are so visceral and reach into you so deep they imprint like a new lover. They’ll give you flashbacks to kinks you didn’t know you had.” —Cecilia Tan, Circlet Press
“Xan West’s gorgeous stories breathe new life into the literary milieu of classic BDSM erotica. They are at turns frightening and earnest, but always true to form and completely hot. Show Yourself to Me is a veritable sexy switch of a collection, and is sure to become well-loved and worn out by queer leather lovers of every size, gender, and genre.” —Lyric Seal
“Stunning stories of power, transformation, and real queers from one of the most talented erotica writers, period" —Sinclair Sexsmith, Sugarbutch.net
Submissive queers go to alleys to suck cock, get bent over the bathroom sink by a handsome stranger, choose to face their fears, have their Daddy orchestrate a gang bang in the park, and get their dream gender-play scene—tied to a sling in an accessible dungeon.
Dominants find hope and take risks, fall hard and push edges, get fucked and devour the fear and tears that their sadist hearts desire.
Within these 24 stories, you will meet queers who build community together, who are careful about how they play with power, who care deeply about consent. You will meet trans and genderqueer folks who are hot for each other, who mentor each other, who do the kind of gender play that is only possible with other trans and genderqueer folks.
This is SHOW YOURSELF TO ME. Get ready for a very wild ride.
---
Introduction by Annabeth Leong
ADVANCE PRAISE FOR SHOW YOURSELF TO ME
“It would be easy to say that Show Yourself to Me is an amazing work and that Xan is an incredible author. The fact is that Xan hasn’t just written a great book, but a book that changes what erotica can and should be. Prepare yourself: from this point on, erotica is measured by what Xan has done and will do in the future.” —M. Christian, author, editor, publisher
“Xan West’s work is fierce and absolutely fearless.” —Simon Sheppard
“At last! An entire collection of radically queer, deeply transformative erotica by Xan West! No one chronicles queer kinkiness with more passion, skill, courage, and talent.” —Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra and Ecstasy is Necessary
“In Show Yourself to Me, you will read erotica about characters that are queer, trans, POC, fat, some with chronic pain and/or various dis/abilities (and more). Where has that happened before? Reading erotica that reflects so much of who I am and who my partner(s) are is pretty mind-blowing and not something I’ve ever seen published. Xan West writes stories about desires that are often stigmatized and silenced, and shows how purely erotic they are, which is amazing, beautiful, and, frankly, refreshing.” —Wyatt Riot, sex educator
“I love this collection. It’s wonderfully intense in the best possible way. I adored the content warnings in the front. What a great idea!” —Alisha Rai, author of Serving Pleasure, Bedroom Games, and A Gentleman in the Street
“[Xan West’s Show Yourself to Me is] insightful and intense, diverse and deliciously hot, and full of the deep rituals and spiritual, sexual yearnings of kink. Xan West writes it the way most kinky folks dream of living it.” —Carol Queen, PhD, author of The Leather Daddy and the Femme
“Xan West’s work sends shock waves through the imagination that will send any reader over the edge into total sexual oblivion. A writer to watch, love, and be enticed by.” —Shane Allison, editor of Backdraft: Fireman Erotica, In Plain View: Gay Public Sex, and Black Fire: Gay African American Erotica
“Xan West’s Show Yourself to Me proves that the most important sex organ is the brain. Smart, hot, intense stories that are some of the finest erotic fiction around, [they] are so visceral and reach into you so deep they imprint like a new lover. They’ll give you flashbacks to kinks you didn’t know you had.” —Cecilia Tan, Circlet Press
“Xan West’s gorgeous stories breathe new life into the literary milieu of classic BDSM erotica. They are at turns frightening and earnest, but always true to form and completely hot. Show Yourself to Me is a veritable sexy switch of a collection, and is sure to become well-loved and worn out by queer leather lovers of every size, gender, and genre.” —Lyric Seal
“Stunning stories of power, transformation, and real queers from one of the most talented erotica writers, period" —Sinclair Sexsmith, Sugarbutch.net
199 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 8, 2015
About the author
Xan West
48 books365 followersXan West is the nom de plume of Corey Alexander, an autistic queer fat Jewish genderqueer writer and community activist with multiple disabilities who spends a lot of time on Twitter.
Xan's erotica has been published widely, including in the Best S/M Erotica series, the Best Gay Erotica series, and the Best Lesbian Erotica series. Their work has been described by reviewers as “offering the erotica equivalent of happy ever after”, and “some of the best transgressive erotic fiction to come along in recent years”.
Xan’s story “First Time Since”, won honorable mention for the 2008 National Leather Association John Preston Short Fiction Award. Their recent collection of queer kink erotica, Show Yourself To Me, is out from Go Deeper Press, and has been described by M. Christian as “a book that changes what erotica can and should be.”
Xan blogs about trans representation in literature, kink, queerness, disability, and writing at https://xanwest.wordpress. com/.
Xan's erotica has been published widely, including in the Best S/M Erotica series, the Best Gay Erotica series, and the Best Lesbian Erotica series. Their work has been described by reviewers as “offering the erotica equivalent of happy ever after”, and “some of the best transgressive erotic fiction to come along in recent years”.
Xan’s story “First Time Since”, won honorable mention for the 2008 National Leather Association John Preston Short Fiction Award. Their recent collection of queer kink erotica, Show Yourself To Me, is out from Go Deeper Press, and has been described by M. Christian as “a book that changes what erotica can and should be.”
Xan blogs about trans representation in literature, kink, queerness, disability, and writing at https://xanwest.wordpress. com/.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
November 22, 2015
I am not the target audience for this very personal book. I’m not transgendered, or disabled, or a person of color. I’ve never been abused, sexually or otherwise. My real world experience with kink is limited to a single, long-ago relationship, though dominance and submission permeate my sexual fantasies and much of my writing. Although I’m strongly attracted to women and label myself bi-sexual, in practice most of my relationships have been straight. My reality has little in common with the world portrayed in this collection.
Nevertheless, Xan West’s tales speak to me at some fundamental level. The stories in Show Yourself to Me evoke emotions that I recognize, even when the activities are foreign to the point of being disturbing. There are truths here, shining against the dark background of extreme sadism, articulated with glorious clarity. They linger long after the visceral impact of Xan’s rough sex has faded.
Many of these tales were familiar. I’ve always appreciated both the intense eroticism and the subtle interplay of complementary desires one finds in any story authored by Xan West. Gathered together, these tales are almost overwhelming—each one a punch in the gut, with no time to recover before the next. This book is not for the faint of heart.
Although the sexual activities involved in these stories tend to be quite similar, the moods vary. The book begins with the plaintive and nostalgic “Missing Daddy”, a top’s reminiscing about his first dominant.
----
I miss Daddy. It’s that simple. Not just him—I miss who I was back then. A chubby cub novice, eager, hungry, open. We’re supposed to graduate, you know. Those of us whose path to the top begins at the bottom. We’re supposed to grow from boy to Daddy in a way that is so fine, so right, where we pay our dues and never look back with longing.
The secret truth of it is this: many of us that moved to the other side of the whip did it to approximate what we had longed for and rarely received. We did it not because we grew up slowly, nurtured by Daddy, but because we decided to grow up on our own and stop yearning for that kind of Daddy. To instead get our pleasure from being that Daddy to some lucky boy. No one tells those stories. It would not do to talk of the ways we suffered from neglect, betrayal, abandonment, and flat-out abuse as bottoms. It would rip open our mythology and make our boys doubt our desire for them.
Theo was before all that. When I was fresh-faced and barely 24. When I still thought that the hard part was figuring out I was a Daddy’s boy. When I was hopeful and certain in my desires. When I still felt whole.
----
This passage made me ache. It’s so rare that erotic authors chronicle the process that leads someone to become a top, or consider the vulnerabilities that might remain beneath the facade of absolute power.
“First Time Since” portrays loss of another sort. After releasing a submissive from a long-term relationship, the narrator stops wearing the boots that symbolize the D/s dynamic.
----
We build these intense relationships, fill them with ritual and intent and all of our full selves, and even if they end honorably (as this one did), that doesn’t stop us from feeling ripped in two. Like a vital piece of self just walked out the door, never to return.
Rebuilding came first. Reclaiming all the tasks I delegated to him. All of the opportunities for service that I created led to this sense that we were one unit—interdependent.
So I began to take them back. From the preparation of food to putting away my clothes precisely as I require. From keeping my glass full to shaving my head every week.
But not my boots. They gathered dust as I tried to imagine feeling powerful enough, strong enough, whole enough to wear them. They were patient. More patient than I was with this grieving.
----
Eventually, this dominant finds a new bottom, someone eager to bathe those boots in tears and cum, then polish them to a perfect shine. The fact remains though, that sex is only an expression of deeper needs—for connection, for control, for reverence.
That is perhaps one of the primary messages in this book. Kinky sexual activities abound in Show Yourself to Me: ass-fucking, cock-sucking, fisting, piss play, knife play, breath play, fire play, floggings, canings, pretty much any extreme you might imagine. Still the author is very clear—physical sex is not the point. These stories aren’t just wildly transgressive fuck-fests (not just...). They’re parables about admitting who you are, owning your desires even when they’re socially unacceptable, searching for partners whom you can trust enough to show your true self—dark as that might be—and who will be equally open in return. The release that comes from that sort of connection (which might just as easily be found in an anonymous alley fuck as in a committed relationship) goes far beyond pleasure.
One story that beautifully illustrates this point is “The Tale of Jan and Tam”. Jan is new in town, kinky and queer, a novice bottom looking for a place to call home. Tam is an experienced top of legendary sadism who has just split with a boy who allowed that cruelty to get out of hand. At a workshop, Jan and Tam negotiate a scene of “transformative play”.
----
Jan continued, “I don’t want the transformative part to be about me and what I need. What I need is pain. If that can be a path to your transformative experience, that would be my choice.”
Tam was silent for a few minutes. Who was this person? How could they have arrived offering exactly what ze had just realized ze needed? Ze couldn’t even really believe it.
“You’re talking about me being the focus of the transformative play?”
Jan was glad ze finally spoke. It had been so hard for them to get out. But they had come to Carter Hall hoping for more. The only way to get what they wanted was to name it.
“Yes,” Jan said quietly. “What kind of transformation do you seek?”
....
“I want to unleash my sadism, go deeper than I have in a long time.” Tam swallowed. “What I need is for you to hold on to me as I do that. To be the anchor to this world. To accept what I show you, however scary, and keep holding on.”
“That’s a big job.”
“Yes. And. I need you to really be able to hold space, during and after.”
Jan nodded. Was this something they could do? They knew they wanted it. But it was important not to make false promises. Tam would be counting on them. Jan swallowed. Time to take the risk.
“Yes. I can do that. I want to do that, for you.”
----
The scene that follows is intense, but for me, this negotiation, this naming of one’s desires, was the most arousing part of the story.
Another message common theme in Show Yourself To Me involves the fluidity of gender. Physical anatomy doesn’t determine maleness or femaleness, and indeed, there exist infinite variations between these two apparent poles. In many stories, I wasn’t sure of either the biological or the psychological gender of the protagonists. After a while, I decided it didn’t matter. A strap-on cock is as real as one of flesh and blood. Indeed, the fact that one has chosen a cock as opposed to being born with one can make it sexier.
Xan begins the story “Strong” with a candid admission of this fact:
----
For both of us, gender is complex identity and elaborate sex toy. But not just that. It is not easy to grow up breaking the gender rules, to live lives visibly nonconforming. Gender is a dangerous and delicious edge in which we play, knowing that we may inadvertently step on the minefields of our gendered histories and present struggles. Part of the thrill is that danger. We push gender to its own edges, play its sharpness against our throats, fear in our mouths, ache in our guts, building armor against becoming what we fear.
----
In this tale, the submissive plays as both male and female. Ultimately the sub is more than either.
This is already much longer than my typical review. There’s a lot more I could say. I could go on posting exquisite snippets from Xan’s tales more or less indefinitely. I have many more bookmarked.
Instead, I’ll just tell you flat out. If you’re intrigued and aroused by gender ambiguity—if you’re looking for erotica that’s both brilliantly insightful and blazing hot—if you believe, as I do, that sexual interactions are a path to healing and self-awareness—go get yourself a copy of this book.
Nevertheless, Xan West’s tales speak to me at some fundamental level. The stories in Show Yourself to Me evoke emotions that I recognize, even when the activities are foreign to the point of being disturbing. There are truths here, shining against the dark background of extreme sadism, articulated with glorious clarity. They linger long after the visceral impact of Xan’s rough sex has faded.
Many of these tales were familiar. I’ve always appreciated both the intense eroticism and the subtle interplay of complementary desires one finds in any story authored by Xan West. Gathered together, these tales are almost overwhelming—each one a punch in the gut, with no time to recover before the next. This book is not for the faint of heart.
Although the sexual activities involved in these stories tend to be quite similar, the moods vary. The book begins with the plaintive and nostalgic “Missing Daddy”, a top’s reminiscing about his first dominant.
----
I miss Daddy. It’s that simple. Not just him—I miss who I was back then. A chubby cub novice, eager, hungry, open. We’re supposed to graduate, you know. Those of us whose path to the top begins at the bottom. We’re supposed to grow from boy to Daddy in a way that is so fine, so right, where we pay our dues and never look back with longing.
The secret truth of it is this: many of us that moved to the other side of the whip did it to approximate what we had longed for and rarely received. We did it not because we grew up slowly, nurtured by Daddy, but because we decided to grow up on our own and stop yearning for that kind of Daddy. To instead get our pleasure from being that Daddy to some lucky boy. No one tells those stories. It would not do to talk of the ways we suffered from neglect, betrayal, abandonment, and flat-out abuse as bottoms. It would rip open our mythology and make our boys doubt our desire for them.
Theo was before all that. When I was fresh-faced and barely 24. When I still thought that the hard part was figuring out I was a Daddy’s boy. When I was hopeful and certain in my desires. When I still felt whole.
----
This passage made me ache. It’s so rare that erotic authors chronicle the process that leads someone to become a top, or consider the vulnerabilities that might remain beneath the facade of absolute power.
“First Time Since” portrays loss of another sort. After releasing a submissive from a long-term relationship, the narrator stops wearing the boots that symbolize the D/s dynamic.
----
We build these intense relationships, fill them with ritual and intent and all of our full selves, and even if they end honorably (as this one did), that doesn’t stop us from feeling ripped in two. Like a vital piece of self just walked out the door, never to return.
Rebuilding came first. Reclaiming all the tasks I delegated to him. All of the opportunities for service that I created led to this sense that we were one unit—interdependent.
So I began to take them back. From the preparation of food to putting away my clothes precisely as I require. From keeping my glass full to shaving my head every week.
But not my boots. They gathered dust as I tried to imagine feeling powerful enough, strong enough, whole enough to wear them. They were patient. More patient than I was with this grieving.
----
Eventually, this dominant finds a new bottom, someone eager to bathe those boots in tears and cum, then polish them to a perfect shine. The fact remains though, that sex is only an expression of deeper needs—for connection, for control, for reverence.
That is perhaps one of the primary messages in this book. Kinky sexual activities abound in Show Yourself to Me: ass-fucking, cock-sucking, fisting, piss play, knife play, breath play, fire play, floggings, canings, pretty much any extreme you might imagine. Still the author is very clear—physical sex is not the point. These stories aren’t just wildly transgressive fuck-fests (not just...). They’re parables about admitting who you are, owning your desires even when they’re socially unacceptable, searching for partners whom you can trust enough to show your true self—dark as that might be—and who will be equally open in return. The release that comes from that sort of connection (which might just as easily be found in an anonymous alley fuck as in a committed relationship) goes far beyond pleasure.
One story that beautifully illustrates this point is “The Tale of Jan and Tam”. Jan is new in town, kinky and queer, a novice bottom looking for a place to call home. Tam is an experienced top of legendary sadism who has just split with a boy who allowed that cruelty to get out of hand. At a workshop, Jan and Tam negotiate a scene of “transformative play”.
----
Jan continued, “I don’t want the transformative part to be about me and what I need. What I need is pain. If that can be a path to your transformative experience, that would be my choice.”
Tam was silent for a few minutes. Who was this person? How could they have arrived offering exactly what ze had just realized ze needed? Ze couldn’t even really believe it.
“You’re talking about me being the focus of the transformative play?”
Jan was glad ze finally spoke. It had been so hard for them to get out. But they had come to Carter Hall hoping for more. The only way to get what they wanted was to name it.
“Yes,” Jan said quietly. “What kind of transformation do you seek?”
....
“I want to unleash my sadism, go deeper than I have in a long time.” Tam swallowed. “What I need is for you to hold on to me as I do that. To be the anchor to this world. To accept what I show you, however scary, and keep holding on.”
“That’s a big job.”
“Yes. And. I need you to really be able to hold space, during and after.”
Jan nodded. Was this something they could do? They knew they wanted it. But it was important not to make false promises. Tam would be counting on them. Jan swallowed. Time to take the risk.
“Yes. I can do that. I want to do that, for you.”
----
The scene that follows is intense, but for me, this negotiation, this naming of one’s desires, was the most arousing part of the story.
Another message common theme in Show Yourself To Me involves the fluidity of gender. Physical anatomy doesn’t determine maleness or femaleness, and indeed, there exist infinite variations between these two apparent poles. In many stories, I wasn’t sure of either the biological or the psychological gender of the protagonists. After a while, I decided it didn’t matter. A strap-on cock is as real as one of flesh and blood. Indeed, the fact that one has chosen a cock as opposed to being born with one can make it sexier.
Xan begins the story “Strong” with a candid admission of this fact:
----
For both of us, gender is complex identity and elaborate sex toy. But not just that. It is not easy to grow up breaking the gender rules, to live lives visibly nonconforming. Gender is a dangerous and delicious edge in which we play, knowing that we may inadvertently step on the minefields of our gendered histories and present struggles. Part of the thrill is that danger. We push gender to its own edges, play its sharpness against our throats, fear in our mouths, ache in our guts, building armor against becoming what we fear.
----
In this tale, the submissive plays as both male and female. Ultimately the sub is more than either.
This is already much longer than my typical review. There’s a lot more I could say. I could go on posting exquisite snippets from Xan’s tales more or less indefinitely. I have many more bookmarked.
Instead, I’ll just tell you flat out. If you’re intrigued and aroused by gender ambiguity—if you’re looking for erotica that’s both brilliantly insightful and blazing hot—if you believe, as I do, that sexual interactions are a path to healing and self-awareness—go get yourself a copy of this book.
March 15, 2016
"The pain is not important. It is just a way to illuminate the path."
The stories in Show Yourself To Me are expertly written and emotional, and of very high quality. I'm not really the target audience because though I have kinks, they are mostly un-violent, but I recommend it quite highly to anyone whose erotic preferences dovetail with the idea of pain as pleasure.
This book really made me crave more time getting to see the relationships of these characters--trans men, fat queer cis girls, who show up in romance far too infrequently--beyond just their 'scenes.' I guess that means West did a good job with the setup/premises for the relationships in the stories. (I'm not saying West should have written more into the stories, because that's not what these stories are for and I completely understand and respect that--I'm just saying that what was shown was compelling enough to make me want more of the storytelling. Maybe what I really mean is that damn, if West can pull off story after story about trans men in love with other trans men or with cis queer girls, it shows me that this is a thing the world just needs more of in general.) Queerness and transness (and fatness) are so NORMALIZED in this book and that's just such a welcome respite.
You can fall in love with lines like
So often I had been told I was too much, too loud, too smart for my own good, took up too much space, was too needy, too sexual. Sir had other things to say about my hunger, my desire, my size, my power. (This is from a Jewish queer girl in a relationship with a trans man. Incidentally, I cracked up out loud when I got to the scene where they meet, because he introduces himself as Christian and instead of realizing that's his name she tells him she's Jewish. LOVE THIS. So cornball :-D )
Sometimes I did find myself enjoying one of the kinks, like in one of the stories toward the beginning where there's an extended boot-licking sequence from the point of view of the sub who's totally enjoying himself like my cat on yogurt. I think it's because I'm more drawn to the playacting and pretending side of kink than the danger and smacking side. So of course that means I like all the aftercare and affection stuff.
I had to skip the sex part of the group stories because I get confused and overwhelmed when there's that many people in a sex scene, probably just due to my own lack of frame of reference, but that's only a few out of a huge collection.
...oh, yeah, and there's a vampire story in there ;)
(BTW, author is VERY big on healthiness and safe words and consent and communication, and with that in mind has provided a detailed list of potential triggers after the table of contents. Without going into detail I would advise you take advantage of it.)
The stories in Show Yourself To Me are expertly written and emotional, and of very high quality. I'm not really the target audience because though I have kinks, they are mostly un-violent, but I recommend it quite highly to anyone whose erotic preferences dovetail with the idea of pain as pleasure.
This book really made me crave more time getting to see the relationships of these characters--trans men, fat queer cis girls, who show up in romance far too infrequently--beyond just their 'scenes.' I guess that means West did a good job with the setup/premises for the relationships in the stories. (I'm not saying West should have written more into the stories, because that's not what these stories are for and I completely understand and respect that--I'm just saying that what was shown was compelling enough to make me want more of the storytelling. Maybe what I really mean is that damn, if West can pull off story after story about trans men in love with other trans men or with cis queer girls, it shows me that this is a thing the world just needs more of in general.) Queerness and transness (and fatness) are so NORMALIZED in this book and that's just such a welcome respite.
You can fall in love with lines like
So often I had been told I was too much, too loud, too smart for my own good, took up too much space, was too needy, too sexual. Sir had other things to say about my hunger, my desire, my size, my power. (This is from a Jewish queer girl in a relationship with a trans man. Incidentally, I cracked up out loud when I got to the scene where they meet, because he introduces himself as Christian and instead of realizing that's his name she tells him she's Jewish. LOVE THIS. So cornball :-D )
Sometimes I did find myself enjoying one of the kinks, like in one of the stories toward the beginning where there's an extended boot-licking sequence from the point of view of the sub who's totally enjoying himself like my cat on yogurt. I think it's because I'm more drawn to the playacting and pretending side of kink than the danger and smacking side. So of course that means I like all the aftercare and affection stuff.
I had to skip the sex part of the group stories because I get confused and overwhelmed when there's that many people in a sex scene, probably just due to my own lack of frame of reference, but that's only a few out of a huge collection.
...oh, yeah, and there's a vampire story in there ;)
(BTW, author is VERY big on healthiness and safe words and consent and communication, and with that in mind has provided a detailed list of potential triggers after the table of contents. Without going into detail I would advise you take advantage of it.)
July 3, 2017
Overall, this collection of shorts from Xan West was wonderful. It exquisitely showcases the messy beautiful aspects of life and sex, and how they often intermingle. Show Yourself to Me is a gorgeous dive into the human psyche, and an eye-opening, tender loving look into D/s and kinky lives. I would recommend to all, except for touch and/or sex repulsed ace & aro spec people.
Read the full review on my blog!
Read the full review on my blog!
April 5, 2016
If you want it edgy, rough and no holds bar, this is the book for you. New to me author Xan West brings an erotic collection that will enhance, arouse and maybe push you beyond your limits. Each of these stories are bite size pieces showcasing how people enjoy their kink. None of this is for the newbie looking for some light reading. These are the fantasies which sound so wrong and yet feel so good. This is not a romance and this is not a fluffy happily ever after. Instead, we take a peek into the wilder side of kink with some intense rough body play.
For example, in some of these stories, there is punching and kicking. Does this happen? Absolutely. Is it very prevalent in real life? It really depends upon the kink community. What I did appreciate is how West indicates where the punching and kicking contacted - specifically muscle groups. If it were face, stomach or ribs, I'd have called bullshit and considered this BDSM hostile. Instead for those who are in the lifestyle, they may easily recognize scenes that occur at a play party. For those who want to see how needle play can be erotic and scary, there is a delightful story showcasing this one. For those who enjoy humiliation and mind fucks, there are plenty of stories covering these aspects too. What you will not find in this story is a single vanilla scene.
This being said, there are a few scenes in this book which could cause triggers. For those who have been abused as a child, there is one story in particular which may put you ill at ease. I want to be clear, at no point is there child abuse in here or glamification of it. What is in here, is a bottom who was abused as a child and is into ageplay. This may squick a few readers out.
What may be confusing about this book are the characters in each story. If you are a person who requires clearly defined gender roles, this book is not for you. The gender fluidity in this collection is what makes the book different and refreshing. The categories of maledom and femdom apply loosely. What we do experience is erotic power exchange between two or more individuals who accept each other for who they are, not what is dangling or not dangling between their legs. Because honestly, does it matter a person's sex if you are able to share intimacy with that person who cares about you?
It is clear each of these stories is specially picked to be in this collection. It is a pleasure to see so many different variations. It is rare to have so many flavours yet have two specific themes consist throughout the book: gender fluidity and rough intense kink. Recommended for kinksters who want a courtside seat into the wilder side of kink
*provided by BDSM Book Reviews
For example, in some of these stories, there is punching and kicking. Does this happen? Absolutely. Is it very prevalent in real life? It really depends upon the kink community. What I did appreciate is how West indicates where the punching and kicking contacted - specifically muscle groups. If it were face, stomach or ribs, I'd have called bullshit and considered this BDSM hostile. Instead for those who are in the lifestyle, they may easily recognize scenes that occur at a play party. For those who want to see how needle play can be erotic and scary, there is a delightful story showcasing this one. For those who enjoy humiliation and mind fucks, there are plenty of stories covering these aspects too. What you will not find in this story is a single vanilla scene.
This being said, there are a few scenes in this book which could cause triggers. For those who have been abused as a child, there is one story in particular which may put you ill at ease. I want to be clear, at no point is there child abuse in here or glamification of it. What is in here, is a bottom who was abused as a child and is into ageplay. This may squick a few readers out.
What may be confusing about this book are the characters in each story. If you are a person who requires clearly defined gender roles, this book is not for you. The gender fluidity in this collection is what makes the book different and refreshing. The categories of maledom and femdom apply loosely. What we do experience is erotic power exchange between two or more individuals who accept each other for who they are, not what is dangling or not dangling between their legs. Because honestly, does it matter a person's sex if you are able to share intimacy with that person who cares about you?
It is clear each of these stories is specially picked to be in this collection. It is a pleasure to see so many different variations. It is rare to have so many flavours yet have two specific themes consist throughout the book: gender fluidity and rough intense kink. Recommended for kinksters who want a courtside seat into the wilder side of kink
*provided by BDSM Book Reviews
September 28, 2015
Erotica isn't my genre. Neither is BDSM. But as a literature scholar, I will read any Tam Lin retelling, no matter the context. So I wheedled out a review copy and got to reading.
The collection features an almost hypnotic prose style and an interesting stylistic variety in terms of viewpoint, tense, and pacing. Many of the stories are written in intensely visceral first-person. The collection also captures the endearing vibe of hanging out in radical activist hipsterqueer spaces. At one point, a character who goes to a trans men's group mentions how there are five Aidens there (and one Kayden) and I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair crying because, LBR, if you're in the LGBT community, you've absolutely been to a party with multiple Aidens. (And a Jamie. There's always a Jamie.) On the whole, this collection boasts a really great variety of gender, body type, and racial diversity amongst characters.
However, something that made me uncomfortable was the word "dyke" used to describe people who did not seem to be lesbians at all. I hope that's something the author will consider phasing out.
Anyway, I don't read erotica, but I'm going to recommend this to my friends who do. It's very well-written, and I think my friends who are interested in penises will be very pleased by the penis-touching scenes in this book.
Read
November 3, 2019Hi there, this is the author. I wanted to note that you can find content warnings for this book here:
https://xanwest.wordpress.com/show-yo...
Note 11/2/19 This is temporarily out of print, but will be back in print soon!
https://xanwest.wordpress.com/show-yo...
Note 11/2/19 This is temporarily out of print, but will be back in print soon!
December 1, 2015
There are a lot of reasons you should buy this book. You should buy it because the stories are hot. You should buy it because there will be a story in here that reaches deep inside you and wakes something up you didn’t know was there. You should buy it because the writing is so dirty and good. But honestly, none of that even matters. You should buy it because we all need stories like these to be written. We need the beautifully crafted visibility these stories give to a very real, diverse, queer community. Visibility is everything. If you’re queer, you know that. We cannot survive without it. Xan West is relentless in this. You will learn something in this collection and you will like it.
I hope you already know Xan West’s stories. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing Xan read and it’s a powerful experience. Xan’s voice is measured and soothing. The words enter you slowly and you’re drawn into the deep dark depths of the story before you realize where you’re going. Xan’s stories are deep. And often dark.
Xan’s writing is strong and hot, but what blows my mind is how much Xan’s stories expand my understanding and my capacity to see beyond my own default fantasies and the biases embedded within them. That might not sound super hot, but it is.
When I first opened Xan’s book, I saw a note about content which acts as a guide to the reader around the types of scenarios each story contains. I skipped this section intentionally. I didn’t want to spoil my reading of the stories by knowing in advance what was coming. And I didn’t want to back away from anything before having a chance to be drawn in. I have not been a fan of trigger warnings, but Xan approaches this in exactly the right way – helping a reader who needs a guide access a story that might otherwise be inaccessible. Some of us can’t just blindly walk down that dark alley. The risk would be too much.
For me, I wanted to walk down that alley totally blind, so I jumped straight into the stories and this book starts out with the perfect jolt. From the very first words in the first story, “Missing Daddy“, we know right where we are.
I miss Daddy. It’s just that simple. Not just him—I miss who I was back then.
We don’t know where we’re going yet, but the pull of the journey is there right from the start.
I love Xan’s writing for how devoted it is to the internal life of the main character. These are not surface stories about a hot scenario. Each story eviscerates a specific desire. Laid bare is the dirty secret buried within someone wanting to use or be used, to bruise or be bruised. We get to dig our fingers into the soil and feel the roots of desire. Sometimes the want is our own, but what I love most is being sucked into a burning need that is wholly foreign to me. That’s when Xan’s writing is a gift, when I suddenly want what I’ve never wanted before and I feel a door open deep inside me.
These stories are also rare in how beautifully inclusive they are. I am going to admit something that I’m not proud of. When I write, I am precious about each moment. I don’t like to break a scene with anything that interrupts the flow I’m trying to achieve. Xan pushes the limits of this in the opposite direction and I’m damn impressed with the outcome. The stories are inclusive in a beautifully thoughtful way. This is a passionate advocate for erotica beyond the pitifully limiting normative boundaries that most erotica exists within.
“The Tender Sweet Young Thing,” includes a full cast of characters with different physical abilities and takes you right through & over that into the heart of the story. Was I drawn away from the action in a moment that describes how someone who is diabetic makes it through a lengthy play session? Yes. But is the story right to do that? Hell, yes. Because this is real. And fantastic, in the true sense of that word. This fantasy is laced with a reality that seems very necessary. And I understand what visibility means. I respect it. I crave it for all of us. To commit to that and also write incredibly hot erotica is not something you come across in many writers. These stories are striking in their hot diversity.
It’s a heady mixture, this collection. These stories are committed to a purpose of more than just turning you on. Each story is intent on exploring what makes us tick, how we struggle sometimes to accept the dark desire that turns us on. And every story in this book is incredibly hot. There were so many moments reading these stories where I had to pause and suck in my breath.
A knife would help me slow down. A knife would require precision and very minute movement. A knife would demand the kind of deliberate intent that would gear up my higher brain and give me what I needed to rein in this feral appetite.
I found myself reading these and grinning wide out of respect for how well each moment was crafted. It was hard not to give more away in writing this, but you need to go get this collection for yourself. You need to read this. Like I said, we need stories like this out there. This kind of visibility is oxygen. We need it to breathe. We end up at the end of this collection, having taken each journey as they come, story by story, in a place of respect. Respect for our desires. Respect for each other. Respect for the damage we overcome and help one another through. Respect for the queers who came before us. Respect for our differences and our sameness. It’s a hell of a lot for a bunch of dirty stories to deliver. Thank you, Xan.
I hope you already know Xan West’s stories. I’ve had the pleasure of hearing Xan read and it’s a powerful experience. Xan’s voice is measured and soothing. The words enter you slowly and you’re drawn into the deep dark depths of the story before you realize where you’re going. Xan’s stories are deep. And often dark.
Xan’s writing is strong and hot, but what blows my mind is how much Xan’s stories expand my understanding and my capacity to see beyond my own default fantasies and the biases embedded within them. That might not sound super hot, but it is.
When I first opened Xan’s book, I saw a note about content which acts as a guide to the reader around the types of scenarios each story contains. I skipped this section intentionally. I didn’t want to spoil my reading of the stories by knowing in advance what was coming. And I didn’t want to back away from anything before having a chance to be drawn in. I have not been a fan of trigger warnings, but Xan approaches this in exactly the right way – helping a reader who needs a guide access a story that might otherwise be inaccessible. Some of us can’t just blindly walk down that dark alley. The risk would be too much.
For me, I wanted to walk down that alley totally blind, so I jumped straight into the stories and this book starts out with the perfect jolt. From the very first words in the first story, “Missing Daddy“, we know right where we are.
I miss Daddy. It’s just that simple. Not just him—I miss who I was back then.
We don’t know where we’re going yet, but the pull of the journey is there right from the start.
I love Xan’s writing for how devoted it is to the internal life of the main character. These are not surface stories about a hot scenario. Each story eviscerates a specific desire. Laid bare is the dirty secret buried within someone wanting to use or be used, to bruise or be bruised. We get to dig our fingers into the soil and feel the roots of desire. Sometimes the want is our own, but what I love most is being sucked into a burning need that is wholly foreign to me. That’s when Xan’s writing is a gift, when I suddenly want what I’ve never wanted before and I feel a door open deep inside me.
These stories are also rare in how beautifully inclusive they are. I am going to admit something that I’m not proud of. When I write, I am precious about each moment. I don’t like to break a scene with anything that interrupts the flow I’m trying to achieve. Xan pushes the limits of this in the opposite direction and I’m damn impressed with the outcome. The stories are inclusive in a beautifully thoughtful way. This is a passionate advocate for erotica beyond the pitifully limiting normative boundaries that most erotica exists within.
“The Tender Sweet Young Thing,” includes a full cast of characters with different physical abilities and takes you right through & over that into the heart of the story. Was I drawn away from the action in a moment that describes how someone who is diabetic makes it through a lengthy play session? Yes. But is the story right to do that? Hell, yes. Because this is real. And fantastic, in the true sense of that word. This fantasy is laced with a reality that seems very necessary. And I understand what visibility means. I respect it. I crave it for all of us. To commit to that and also write incredibly hot erotica is not something you come across in many writers. These stories are striking in their hot diversity.
It’s a heady mixture, this collection. These stories are committed to a purpose of more than just turning you on. Each story is intent on exploring what makes us tick, how we struggle sometimes to accept the dark desire that turns us on. And every story in this book is incredibly hot. There were so many moments reading these stories where I had to pause and suck in my breath.
A knife would help me slow down. A knife would require precision and very minute movement. A knife would demand the kind of deliberate intent that would gear up my higher brain and give me what I needed to rein in this feral appetite.
I found myself reading these and grinning wide out of respect for how well each moment was crafted. It was hard not to give more away in writing this, but you need to go get this collection for yourself. You need to read this. Like I said, we need stories like this out there. This kind of visibility is oxygen. We need it to breathe. We end up at the end of this collection, having taken each journey as they come, story by story, in a place of respect. Respect for our desires. Respect for each other. Respect for the damage we overcome and help one another through. Respect for the queers who came before us. Respect for our differences and our sameness. It’s a hell of a lot for a bunch of dirty stories to deliver. Thank you, Xan.
March 1, 2018
There are some gems in here, but for the most part ... the author has some rather pronounced kinks that are not my kink, and I found that it became unfortunately repetitive.
October 29, 2015
I'm only recently reading pro published erotica, and this new collection is just what I've been looking for. I want queer and kinky erotica that acknowledges genderqueer and non-binary identity and experience, and let me tell you, the field for this sort of writing, especially done well, is not large.
I tend to prefer single-author collections over anthologies, as anthologies tend to vary so much in style and I can't help but compare authors to one another such that everything feels jarring. Fortunately for me, I tend to very much enjoy West's style.
The characters, though quickly sketched, come in a refreshingly varied and--to my experience--realistic range of ages, bodies, identities, abilities, and interests. It's clear that there are certain themes West enjoys exploring, which is fine by me even when I don't share those specific kinks. As is often the case with erotica, your mileage may vary. For me, seeing my identity represented in satisfying and lived-in relationship situations and embracing sexuality, seeing hot scenes that range in tone from sweet to fun to vindictive to ordeal, makes this a strong read, makes all the difference. I will keep an eye out for further work from this author.
I tend to prefer single-author collections over anthologies, as anthologies tend to vary so much in style and I can't help but compare authors to one another such that everything feels jarring. Fortunately for me, I tend to very much enjoy West's style.
The characters, though quickly sketched, come in a refreshingly varied and--to my experience--realistic range of ages, bodies, identities, abilities, and interests. It's clear that there are certain themes West enjoys exploring, which is fine by me even when I don't share those specific kinks. As is often the case with erotica, your mileage may vary. For me, seeing my identity represented in satisfying and lived-in relationship situations and embracing sexuality, seeing hot scenes that range in tone from sweet to fun to vindictive to ordeal, makes this a strong read, makes all the difference. I will keep an eye out for further work from this author.
October 4, 2015
Phenomenal collection by one of the best queer kink erotica writers, period. Xan West has contributed to dozens of anthologies and is widely acknowledged for their stories with complex characters exploring psychology, interpersonal connection, and fetishes. This is the fist time their work has been collected in one volume, and it's phenomenal.
There are so many things I like about it—the smart gender dynamics, the inclusion of so many different types of people and identities, the complex D/s, the intersection of healing/trauma and erotics/desire, the beautiful turns of phrase. I love how Xan shows vulnerable and fallible dominants who are still badass, strong, commanding. Highly recommend this collection to anyone who like gritty, real erotic stories. It won't disappoint.
There are so many things I like about it—the smart gender dynamics, the inclusion of so many different types of people and identities, the complex D/s, the intersection of healing/trauma and erotics/desire, the beautiful turns of phrase. I love how Xan shows vulnerable and fallible dominants who are still badass, strong, commanding. Highly recommend this collection to anyone who like gritty, real erotic stories. It won't disappoint.
January 6, 2021
An interesting collection of queer kink erotica. It cover trans and genderbent folx. There are some neopronouns and most of the stories are around the Daddy dynamic. There are folx in wheelchairs, with mobility issues and diabetes. There is consent.
Some similar themes and play are covered several times but given the way that the individuals change, some of it may be down to hoping that the reader can discover themselves in it. Depending on your personal proclivity, you may find these scenes hot. What I can say is that most of the writing flows well and isn't embarrassing. There are a few crutch words and stock phrases which could use a little variety but given that most won't read every tale, or may only be reading with one hand, this isn't too bad of a concern.
Some similar themes and play are covered several times but given the way that the individuals change, some of it may be down to hoping that the reader can discover themselves in it. Depending on your personal proclivity, you may find these scenes hot. What I can say is that most of the writing flows well and isn't embarrassing. There are a few crutch words and stock phrases which could use a little variety but given that most won't read every tale, or may only be reading with one hand, this isn't too bad of a concern.
January 24, 2021
This erotica is many good things: educational, vulnerable, and very aware of the importance of Trans bodies in Kink spaces.
Want to Read
September 27, 2021Dose anyone know when this book will be back in print or if I can find it as an ebook somewhere?
October 21, 2015
I’m not even going to pretend to be unbiased — I love Xan West‘s writing. I have been a fan since discovering Xan’s work ages ago. My fandom is mainly based on Xan’s ability to write hot, nuanced sex scenes involving characters with complex gender and sexual identities. After getting partway in, I already knew that this collection was going to be one of my favorites. My standard bearer for how to do kinky erotica right has been Macho Sluts by Patrick Califia. Show Yourself To Me gets to sit right next that classic on my ‘must haves’ list.
West has written some of my favorite BDSM scenes and has a special knack for Daddy/boy scenes. Diversity isn’t thrown in as an afterthought or as something to gawk at. The characters in these stories represent a broad spectrum of the real people involved in kink and BDSM — this isn’t an amplifier for mainstream media representations of what is attractive, this is a mirror on reality with a healthy serving of non-cisgender characters of color, size and varying abilities, all rendered lovingly and fully by this writer. These are hot stories involving consent and respect for real, complex identities. Queer erotica indeed.
West has written some of my favorite BDSM scenes and has a special knack for Daddy/boy scenes. Diversity isn’t thrown in as an afterthought or as something to gawk at. The characters in these stories represent a broad spectrum of the real people involved in kink and BDSM — this isn’t an amplifier for mainstream media representations of what is attractive, this is a mirror on reality with a healthy serving of non-cisgender characters of color, size and varying abilities, all rendered lovingly and fully by this writer. These are hot stories involving consent and respect for real, complex identities. Queer erotica indeed.
April 17, 2020
Hot. Uncompromising. Queer as fuck.
I appreciate the care West puts into their writing, for me particularly the way they write trauma experienced characters without playing into a reductive narrative of the connection between the experience of trauma and the ways those experiences relate to desire.
I appreciate the care West puts into their writing, for me particularly the way they write trauma experienced characters without playing into a reductive narrative of the connection between the experience of trauma and the ways those experiences relate to desire.
July 7, 2016
I'm a big fan of Xan West's work. Their writing is raw, transgressive and authentic and has allowed me to really embrace writing beyond my own world view when it comes to sexuality.
October 29, 2015
Review can be found here at Blow Pop's Book Reviews
Read
December 24, 2017 I like the range of identities present. For some reason i never finished this so I'm marking it "abandoned" for now.
August 23, 2017
this is one of those books that I'm savouring rather than devouring. don't mind me, I'm just over here with these gender Feels, thinking about intersectional feminism, because I was reading kinky short stories.
abandoned
November 13, 2017I read the first story and the kink in it was just absolutely not my thing. I don't think I've ever read anything that was more not my thing, to be honest.
I let the book sit for a while (weeks, months?) in order to read another short story in this anthology and give it another chance, but I can't bring myself to do it.
As far as I can tell from the one story, the anthology seems to be well written, though.
I let the book sit for a while (weeks, months?) in order to read another short story in this anthology and give it another chance, but I can't bring myself to do it.
As far as I can tell from the one story, the anthology seems to be well written, though.
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