The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves

by Curt Thompson

We're all infected with a spiritual disease. Its name is shame.

Whether we realize it or not, shame affects every aspect of our personal lives and vocational endeavors. It seeks to destroy our identity in Christ, replacing it with a damaged version of ourselves that results in unhealed pain and brokenness. But God is telling a different story for your life.

Psychiatrist Curt Thompson unpacks the soul of shame, revealing its ubiquitous nature and neurobiological roots. He also provides the theological and practical tools necessary to dismantle shame, based on years of researching its damaging effects and counseling people to overcome those wounds.

Thompson's expertise and compassion will help you identify your own pains and struggles and find freedom from the lifelong negative messages that bind you. Rewrite the story of your life and embrace healing and wholeness as you discover and defeat shame's insidious agenda.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Christian, Counselling, Faith, Theology, Christian Living

209 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 26, 2015

About the author

Inspired by deep compassion for others and informed from a Christian perspective, psychiatrist Curt Thompson shares fresh insights and practical applications for developing more authentic relationships and fully experiencing our deepest longing: to be known.

With a considerable dose of warmth (and surprising measure of humor), Curt weaves together an understanding of interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) and a Christian view of what it means to be human — to educate and encourage others as they seek to fulfill their intrinsic desire to feel known, valued and connected. He understands that deep, authentic relationships are essential to experiencing a healthier, more purposeful life — but the only way to realize this is to begin telling our stories more truly.

Curt’s unique insights about how the brain affects and processes relationships help people discover a fresh perspective and practical applications to foster healthy and vibrant lives, allowing them to get unstuck and move toward the next beautiful thing they’re being called to make.

Through his workshops, speaking engagements, books, organizational consulting, private clinical practice and other platforms, he helps people process their longings, grief, identity, purpose, perspective of God and perspective of humanity, inviting them to engage more authentically with their own stories and their relationships. Only then can they can feel truly known and connected and live into the meaningful reality they desire 
to create.

Curt and his wife, Phyllis, live outside of Washington DC and have two adult children.

Reviews

[Jason Kanz · Rating 5 out of 5]

My friend Curt Thompson's sophomore release, The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves (IVP, 2015) does not disappoint. He is a Christian psychiatrist deeply influenced by the field of interpersonal neurobiology and particularly the work of Dan Siegel.

My initial exposure to Curt was when I was asked to be a respondent to his first book, Anatomy of the Soul. I read his book with an analytic eye, prepared to offer my critique. Prior to our talk, though, I was blessed to have a three hour dinner with him and another friend. Although I was still left with questions about his ideas, I felt a connection with the man. I have often joked that he is the only person I have ever presented at a conference with whom I hugged when we parted. I have since read his book four times.

Quite some time ago, he told me that he was working on a book on shame and I could not wait. In recent years, I have done quite a bit of reading about shame including Ed Welch's fine book Shame Interrupted as well as the works of Brene Brown. These works have been professional rewarding and personally helpful.

The Soul of Shame is a particular gift to me, however. As a Christian, a neuropsychologist, and someone interested in shame, this book provides a unique intersection. He weaves his personal and professional experiences together with his discussions of vulnerability and developing an integrated mind, particularly in the context of a body of believers. Though written by a psychiatrist specializing in interpersonal neurobiology, it is accessible, interesting, and wise.

[Shawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a surprise! The Soul of Shame has answered many questions I had purposely quit asking during my turbulent teen/young adult years because I thought answers did not exist. Also, The Soul of Shame is one of those books you wish was available to read while awaiting the delivery of your first child and then referencing it again and again as your family grew. I recommended this book to my oldest three adult children. I will recommend this book to my youngest two adult children once they have some spare reading time.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shame is  a major part of my own journey. As a kid, I was the classic underachiever, and even today I still hear  inside my parent's "you have potential" lecture and feel like I'm not measuring up. I also carry the burden of past mistakes, vocational frustrations, and family secrets. I am ashamed for being forty without making an indelible mark on my world. I feel shame acutely when social interactions turn awkward and I feel disconnected from others. Is it me? 

Yes, of course  it is. But it isn't just me. Shame is part of your journey too. Psychiatrist Curt Thompson wrote The Soul of Shame : Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves to address our common sickness:

Shame is something we all experience at some level, some more consciously than others. Of course there are the obvious examples: times we've felt everything from slight embarrassment to deep humiliation. . . .But many of us also carry shame less publicly, often outside the easy view of even some of our closest friends. Losing a major account at work. The breakup of a marriage. Our child's seeming disinterest in school. A boss whose motivational tactic is to regularly compare your work to that of someone who is outperforming you. Any of these more common scenarios carry the burden of shame in ways that we work hard to cover up.  And our coping strategies have become so automatic we may completely unaware of its presence and activity (21).

Thompson defines shame as more than  simply 'just a feeling' but a belief that: 'I am not enough; there is something wrong with me; I am bad or I don't matter' (24).  This is profoundly isolating and demeaning. Shame is that part of us which tries to destroy our soul and derail our story. Thompson explores the neuro-biological and psychological roots of shame, and points to the practical and theological resources which will bring us healing.

Thompson's nine chapters examine shame and its remedy.  Chapter one provides a working description of shame (quoted above). Chapters two and three examine shame from a interpersonal neurobiological (IPNB) approach, discussing how shame works in the brain, and in relationships.  This includes biochemistry, the history of attachment, past experiences, etc. Chapter four explores the fact that we are story telling creatures. When shame reigns unchecked, we inhabit one sort of story. Chapter five examines the biblical narrative, especially Genesis 3 where shame corrupted 'God's intended creation of goodness and beauty.'

Chapter six begins to unfold the resources for healing: vulnerability and community. We feel shame in the areas that are most vulnerable; the power of shame is broken in us when we allow ourselves to be known. Thompson's counsel to one client addressed her shame:

It makes complete sense that you would feel vulnerable. This is the feeling that shame activates and that everyone feels to some degree when they are on the verge of being known in what they anticipate may be an unsafe space. To allow yourself to be known is very hard work. (119)

He calls this 'the gift and terror of being known.' There are no guaranteed outcomes in how other people will respond to us, but by learning to share ourselves, the power of shame is broken. In chapter seven Thompson explores how sharing ourselves in community can gives us the strength and imagination to counter our internal shame narratives. Ultimately we need to make the shift from the story shame is trying to tell in us, 'back to the story that is true, the story God is telling at that moment' (141).  A committed group of people who will tell us the truth about us, and our behavior, and won't turn and run from us in those moments when we are wrong, are people who can be used by God to heal our shame (144).

This communal burden sharing which allows us to conquer shame is described further in chapter eight, especially in relation to our 'primary communities of nurture': family, church, and schools.  I gleaned some insights here on how to  speak to my own kids without re-enforcing their shame. Chapter nine, explores the new vitality in vocation we experience as we experience healing.

Shame is something of a 'hot topic' lately. Many of us have read Brené Brown's books or seen her popular TED talks. Thompson draws on Brown and builds on her insights, but his approach is different. Brown's writing is more self revelatory, Thompson tends to share stories from his counseling of others. This is also a self-consciously a Christian, theological approach to  the topic of shame, so Thompson explores relevant scriptural passages and the ways in which church aids in the healing process. This is an integrated Christian approach to shame which makes use of the best insights from neuro-psychology.

Vulnerability and community is sound advice. It is also difficult and risky. There are parts of my soul I had to learn to let people know and was lucky enough to have friends who didn't bail on me for sharing my twisted vulnerable self. Whatever inner healing I have experienced, it is in this knowing and being known by others. However it still takes risk and I have also learned that not every listening ear honors brokenness. The key to Thompson's model, is a commitment, loyalty and acceptance. Without these, there is no nurturing community to reveal our deep shame.

This is a compelling read and worth spending some time on. The back of the book has questions for discussion and a bibliography of related resources. I recommend it for anyone who has wrestled with shame from past wounds or has experienced the fear of being found out.  There are plenty of insights on how to nurture healing in others as well. I give this five stars: ★★★★★

Note: I received this book from InterVarsity Press in exchange for my honest review.

[Milligan Rahn · Rating 5 out of 5]

My new favorite book to recommend!!! Please read this so we can discuss!

Almost three years ago, a psychiatrist told me I needed this book. Six months ago, my boss loaned me his copy because he believed in it. And they were absolutely right. Many times I felt like this book was reading me. I love how it combined psychology and biology with biblical truth to clarify what shame is, how it works, and how we can find freedom. What I learned here has already been changing my life and I want that for everyone!

The prescribed application to live in communities of vulnerability and healing feels lofty. But I am hopeful to help contribute to a community like that by practicing vulnerability, confession, and truth-telling myself — that both I and others around me could experience more of wholeness and connection we were made for.

For the ones who feel guilty, who hide, who have a loud inner critic, who are crushed by feelings of failure, who wrestle with any insecurity. Please read!

[Charlotte Vazquez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pretty sure this book has made its way to my top 5

[Sydney Shryock · Rating 5 out of 5]

FINALLY finished this book! It was a wonderful read and expanded my knowledge and awareness of what shame is, how it shows up in my story, how it shows up in scripture, what scripture says about it, and how we find freedom from it. It provides a great combination of things we can do to seek freedom from shame, but reminds us that God is the ultimate Healer of these things (but also that we don’t seek healing from sitting around doing nothing - we partner alongside Him and do the work He calls us to do in partnership with Him/our community)!
This book also gives a great perspective on how shame holds us back individually and in our communities/vocations. I feel equipped and encouraged after readying this book and am eager to continue uprooting different areas in my life that shame has latched onto. This book truly is psychology + Jesus and it makes my heart real happy, because i love both of those things/tools🥲 Highly recommend giving it a read!

[Marly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book!!!!! It was super sweet to work through it slowly with one of the girls that I disciple <3

[Chad · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful, multidisciplinary study of the impact of shame on our lives. What I found most insightful was his discussion of the million ways shame worms its way into our relationships.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I read in 2021 was also the last book I finished. More to come, but Thompson’s book is a fantastic book of biblical theology, psychology, and practical theology.

Curt Thompson’s The Soul of Shame was a profound journey for me. The book provided important insight for me personally, for me as a student of theology, for me as a pastor, and for me as a counselor. Thompson moved my thinking about shame forward and provided me many opportunities to grow in my own journey of battling shame in my heart.

The first way God spoke to me was through enriching my understanding of the place shame takes in the biblical story. Thompson says that we battle shame as we learn. To learn is to be vulnerable. Thompson helped me understand the theological connection between sin and shame. Shame is Satan’s attempt to multiply the power of sin in our lives. We see this in the first story of sin. When Adam and Eve reject God’s authority in their lives and choose to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, what is their immediate response? Shame. Now aware of their nakedness, they hide their bodies. Ashamed of what they have done to God, they hide from their Maker.

Satan has been using this same strategy of shame to compound the power of sin in our lives. What is shame? Thompson explains that shame is not merely about the facts, but includes the emotional, neurological, and spiritual dimensions that are connected with, but differentiated from our guilt. Thompson explains that “This is not merely a felt emotion that eventually morphs into words such as ‘I’m bad.’ As I will suggest, this phenomenon is the primary tool that evil leverages, out of which emerges everything that we would call sin.” In short, “To be human is to be infected with this phenomenon we call shame.”

Ultimately, God undoes shame on Good Friday. The story of the cross is not merely the story of guilt being removed, but shame being undone. Thompson says, “Jesus’ crucifixion is an emblematic of shame as it is of sin. Crucifixion was intended not only to execute victims but to simultaneously humiliate them.”

On the cross, Christ makes atonement for our sin. The penalty for my sin is paid by the blood of the God-man. But the details tell us a story of the God-man stepping into our shame and destroying its power as well. Christ is betrayed by one of his closest friends through the intimate act of a kiss, a shame-provoking act. He is abandoned by all but two of his friends: more shame. One of his closest friends then denies him: additional shame. The spiritual authorities place him on a sham trial: shameful. The political authorities put him on trial: shame. The crowds turn against Christ, mocking him, begging for an insurrectionist to be released instead of him, and demanding his crucifixion: shame multiplies. He is stripped naked, mocked as king, and spat upon: shame deepens. He then drags a cross to Golgotha and hung between two enemies of the state who mock him themselves: shame mounts. He hangs naked as the soldiers gamble for his clothing: shame. He cries out to God, publicly expressing his hurt, fear, and forsakenness: shame culminates.
On the cross, Christ has walked the road of shame. He has plunged into shame deeper than I could ever imagine and defeated the power of sin both its guilt and its shame.

Identifying the voice of the shame attendant is such an important step in healing and growth. Thompson essentially suggests three ways to navigate shame: understanding what Satan is doing and combatting his lies, bringing in community to combat the lies of shame, and growing in awareness of when shame pops up. All three are important keys to silencing the voice of shame in our lives. I believe that The Soul of Shame helped me grow in all three ways.

I love when Thompson reminds us that “To be fully loved—and to fully love—requires that we are fully known.” The gift of navigating relationships is the opportunity to grow in vulnerability. As I expose myself, I experience love as God intended and I grow to love as he intends me to love. As Thompson says, “When shame attempts to push us into static inertia, love bids us to move.”
He continues, “Shame is not only something that we weave in and out of our stories, describing it as we experience it, but something that actively, intentionally attempts to shape the stories we are telling.” Isn’t that so true? Shame tries to steal the pen from the great Author and re-write his stories in our lives. What a dangerous and evil work shame is always and actively working toward?
Thompson points out that the author of Genesis simply explains that Adam and Eve were “naked and unashamed.” May it be so in my life as God does his work of renewal, teaching me to combat shame with the work of Christ through the Spirit. Shame “wants to destroy everything about the world that God intended for goodness and beauty.” But God authors a story “of hope and creativity, one that scorns shame in order to imagine new minds, new possibilities and new narratives, all of which point to the new heaven and earth that we believe Jesus is surely believing.”
May it be so in my life, in my marriage, in my family, and in my church.

I commend "The Soul of Shame" to you. It will be a challenge and encouragement to you.

[Tyler Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book came so highly recommended, but boy did it disappoint. I think it was mainly a problem of unmet expectations. I wanted a nuanced biblical theology of shame-tracing its development across the pages of Scriptures with some neuroscience thrown in. Instead, it was some really interesting brain science with some suspect theology thrown in.

The highlight, as I've said, was the insights into how the brain works. I love the discussion of shame as leading to disintegration. He analyzes how our brain's systems are meant to communicate with each other, and other people, but shame breaks these connections. This leads for a beautiful call to counter shame with "embodied action" (90), including

I knew I was destined to be disappointed in the book overall when in his introduction, Thompson wrote that he would "not address to what degree shame is a good thing... In this book I am not debating this question, nor in any way suggesting that all shame experience is necessarily bad" (16). I don't how a nuanced biblical theology of shame can follow without this discussion. 1 Corinthians 6:5 and 15:34 seem to use shame as a tool to correct the behavior of Christians. Later, Thompson seems to substitute shame for sin, rather than see them as mutually related, but distinct, concepts. Therefore, he will call shame the primary weapon that destroys God's plan for joyful vocation: a claim difficult to substantiate without dealing with the previous topic. He also repeatedly describes shame as the feeling that we 'are not enough.' I don't find that helpful; and given what he writes in some places, I think the author would agree with me if I pushed him on it. In a creaturely sense, we are not enough, and we begin to experience liberation from shame precisely when we own that we are not enough and live dependently.

I'm thankful that so many of my friend were helped by this book, but it wasn't what I was looking for, and had too many weakness for me to rock with.

[Camelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK! (And I don’t say this about many books)
At first I thought I don’t have any issues with shame. That I don’t need this book. I started reading it because it was on my list. With every chapter it became clearer and clearer to me the devastating power shame has on each and every one of us, including me. It made me think, analyse myself.

It is for sure a book I will be re-reading!

[Maggie Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! what a doozy!

i have loved reading this book and i’m sure if you’ve talked to me in the past month i’ve probably mentioned something i’ve learned from this. it’s been eye opening to become more and more aware of how shame operates in my life and in my relationships, and i hope i can move forward writing my story with God’s love as bigger than the enemy’s shame. i’m excited to hear curt thompson speak next week!

thompson does great work to go through shame in all its glory: the interpersonal neurobiological bases; the childhood developmental bases; how it works in the biblical narrative of the Genesis story; how it works in educational and vocational institutions; and ultimately what spells its demise in vulnerability. i appreciate that woven through the book are the stories of individuals that have gone through thompson’s psychiatric office and had their lives changed and opened to love instead of shame.

two big fat quotes about vulnerability that had me gasping: “Vulnerability is not a question of if but rather to what degree.” AND “The question, then, is not if we are or will be vulnerable but rather how and when we enter into it consciously and intentionally for the sake of creating a world of goodness and beauty.”

i also love the development of shame as the most powerful weapon of the devil because of its subtle, disintegrating power and the development of love as the Lord’s most powerful defense because of its obvious, in your face, integrative strength.

you should totally read this book!

[Chris Tuttle · Rating 5 out of 5]

“And this hope, this imagery of being joyfully known, leaves no room for shame”

Whoa. This was a wonderful, convicting, thought-provoking, and really powerful read.

It was deeply insightful and eye opening on what shame really is, especially while Shel and I figure out how in the world to raise a kid! Edith can understand SO MUCH of what we don’t say and how we act. May Jesus give us grace and patience to love and lead her well, wow.

Also, the way Thompson handled 1 Corinthians 12+ 13 to outline vulnerability being the key to defeating shame in the context of communal vocational creativity was masterful. So so good.

I loved this book and would recommend to anyone.

[Rick Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about Ourselves

Do you ever feel like people are counting on you to have the answers? To have it all together? To be strong? Do you feel like you fall short? Like you aren’t enough? Like if anyone found out what you’re really like, you would be pushed aside and forgotten? This is the feeling of shame.

Aristotle defined shame as “pain or disturbance in regard to bad things, whether present, past, or future, which seem likely to involve us in discredit.” This definition meshes well with the way Curt Thompson talks about shame in his book The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe about Ourselves. Shame is the feeling that you’re not enough, will not be enough, cannot be enough. It’s a fear that you can never meet the expectations that people have for you, or that you’re not good enough for people to care for you.

According to Thompson, shame is a key component of the lives of all people. While shame comes in many forms and in varying levels of intensity, it is always there, whispering in your ear, causing you to reshape the story you tell yourself about your life and relationships with others. The main fear that shame promotes is the anxiety of separation from others, the fear of abandonment and loneliness. Paradoxically, shame causes us to hide who we really are in response. We can’t show our weaknesses. We have to appear strong, with it, and put together lest people reject us as not good enough for fellowship. As this shame creeps like a pernicious weed into every part of our lives, we can end up withdrawing from people altogether and experiencing the loneliness that we feared at the beginning of our shame journey.

Thompson points out that shame is different from guilt. Shame can exist alongside of guilt, but unlike guilt, which can be good for us, shame is always negative. Without guilt, shame separates people. Because of the fear of separation, shame drives us to hide ourselves from one another, not willing to be vulnerable and weak. Alongside of guilt, shame causes us to hide from God, wearing our fig leaves and avoiding confession. Shame coupled with guilt also prevents us from confessing our sins to one another for fear of the rejection we may experience from others if our sin should become known.

This book shows how shame begins to have its effect on us from our earliest childhood experiences. It is inculcated, usually unknowingly, in our families. It features strongly in schools for both students and teachers. It infiltrates all organizations and workplaces. It can especially be prevalent in church communities, the one place one would expect to find freedom from shame.

Through the course of this book, Thompson talks about how to be attentive to shame and deal with its lies that it feeds us on a daily basis. He gives a reaffirmation of vocation the way God intended it to be, and shows how we can combat the way shame strips us of joy and fellowship in our lives.

This was an excellent book in every way. Thompson does great research into the neuroscience of shame. There is a lot of information about the brain and how the experience of shame affects the operations of the brain. Apparently shame can actually shear off neural pathways and affect our ability to form accurate memories of events that we experience. Shame is a state of mind that we slip into unconsciously, and by being consciously attentive to the process when it happens, we actually alter the physical functioning of our brains to combat shame. Thompson pays special attention to what it means to be humans, embodied creatures with body and soul. While our mind and our brain are not identical, the functioning of our brain has a great effect on the health of our souls.

I appreciated Thompson’s numerous expositions of Scripture. He shows how shame was present and active at the fall of man in the Garden of Eden. He shows how shame was active in the early church communities and addressed by Paul. He shows how Jesus dealt with shame and guilt in the way he talked to others and interacted with individual sinners.

I also appreciated the numerous case studies of his patients and clients. As a practicing psychiatrist, Thompson has a wealth of personal experience to draw on. It would be very surprising if you were to read this book and not find a situation that connected with you directly.

For me, this book has already changed the way I talk to my children on a daily basis. From finding ways to encourage hard work and creativity without the fear of falling short, to finding ways to deal with sin and bad behavior in order to restore fellowship rather than shame, this book would be helpful to any parent. I think this book is going to greatly affect the way I deal with students as a teacher as well. Schools, especially schools with a strong academic reputation, are hotbeds of shame. This book definitely explains the burnout I’ve seen in many students over the years. Oftentimes shame is a chain reaction in educational environments affecting administrators, teachers, parents and students. And this holds true from large schools to small homeschool co-ops.

In conclusion I don’t think there is a person, family, school, organization or church community that would not benefit from this book, and I’m going to be recommending it like crazy to everyone I know.

[Mia Hanlon · Rating 5 out of 5]

“But shame does not get the final word in the story Jesus is telling…”

This book started slow but continued on so, so beautifully!!! A joy to slowly work through it. Going to have to read again.

[Ana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended by my therapist :)

This was a pretty dense read, so it took me awhile to finish. Thompson connects the neurological aspects of shame to our relationship with God, ourselves, and one another. I think the biggest thing for me was truly realizing how prominent shame is in day-to-day, even in the moments we tend to disregard. I learned a lot with this one!!

[Davis Wenzler · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me 6 months to fully read this book. The combination of psychology, psychiatry, neurobiology, and basic human emotions makes this book such a solid reading for understanding more about yourself. Definitely top 5 on my list of books that changed my life. I would highly recommend and almost say it should be a requirement for every male to read.

[Jeff Colston · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Jesus’ literal naked vulnerability (on the cross) is a testimony to us that he knows exactly what it is like to be us. To truly be with us Jesus—Immanuel—not only knows what it means to be vulnerable, he knows how painfully, frighteningly hard it is to live into it, given shame’s threat. He knows the agony of sweating blood, looking for a way—any way—to avoid being stripped naked, being seen for who he was and left alone to die. He does not require anything of us that he does not first do himself…To THIS God, whom we meet in Jesus, we must direct our attention if we are to know the healing of our shame. We must literally look to Jesus in embodied ways in order to know how being loved in community brings shame to its knees and lifts us up and into acts of goodness and beauty.”

This was really helpful for me. I walk around with a pretty strong inner critic, or “shame attendant,” as this author calls it, and this was just so important for me as I am learning to battle that. I did a lot of underlining. I think I will end up referencing this for years to come for my own life and for counseling others—friends, co-workers, students at my school, etc.

I would recommend this to anyone but especially to those people who tend to “beat themselves up.” It blessed me!

[Joel Wentz · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really compelling case for understanding shame as the fundamental root of human psychological-neurological issues and "sin" in a broader, theological sense. Thompson writes with a breadth of clinical therapy experience, and uses gripping anecdotes to support his argument throughout the book.

I found that it leaned more heavily into the neuroscience (rather than theology) than I was expecting, though the chapters on shame in the biblical narrative are very good. I learned quite a bit about how shame affects the brain in a physiological sense, but was hoping for more philosophical/theological discussion. Perhaps it's simply a matter of misaligned or unfair expectations, but the reader should know this going into it. It's still very good, and the writing doesn't get bogged down in the scientific details. Thompson's explanation of "disintegration" on a neurological level is very persuasive and telling.

Overall, this is an excellent and potentially paradigm-shifting book for modern Christians. I heartily recommend it for anyone who has struggled with shame, and even those who don't think shame is a major part of their own story. In other words, basically everyone!

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you struggle with being overly critical of yourself, constantly living in your own head, or feeling the weight and guilt of what has happened in your life, please read this. Healing in so many ways.

[Sydney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will be thinking about this for years, I’m sure

[Bethany Munkittrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most important books I’ve ever read. Incredibly insightful and research-packed with practical ways we can step into dismantling the shame that’s so pervasive in every domain of our lives, personally and professionally. It’s a must read!

[Tommy Keough · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very, very special book. Thank you Curt.

[Mamie Sessions · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowwwwwwwwww

[Anna Schmidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

An integration of neurobiological and biblical insight about the cycles of shame in our lives and communities. Shame is portrayed as the sinful power that causes us to hide rather than work through our brokenness along the pathways of grace that are given to us through God's redemptive presence. It presents the ways that shame functions to bring us away from our calling to embrace and cultivate goodness in the world. It provides helpful theological insight into the nature of sin through careful examination of Genesis 3 and the bible's story of sin. The author's psychological expertise helps him provide a thorough explanation for why it is valuable for our flourishing personally and relationally to become aware of the narratives we tell ourselves and the importance of embracing vulnerability in our relationships. The chapter on vulnerability as the antidote to shame is particularly powerful, revealing how people and communities resistant to the liturgies of vulnerability are more likely to see shame becoming a strong motivating power.

[Brian · Rating 1 out of 5]

A disappointing testament to the concept of shame if Dr. Thompson is leading the charge in his field. It’s as if he was making dinner without a kitchen, his writing lacked structure and form, seemingly written out of the chaos of his practice. He may run a very successful practice but this doesn’t show based on his book.

In a book titled the Soul of Shame, one would think you would get down to the nitty gritty, say something that no one has heard and have invaluable insights. However, between the fluff and nonsense language, I found myself being able to define shame better than him and the only mental cases I’ve helped are myself and my girlfriend.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book I've read on the issue of shame (and I've read quite a number now). Thompson remarkably combines expertise in neurology, psychiatry and theology and so has a unique perspective. Full of practical wisdom and comfort - if only many pastors and church workers read it... so many of the hurts and pastoral car-crashes that they cause would be avoided, or healed, if they understood the dynamics of shame (which is not to be confused with its equally destructive but crucially distinct cousin, guilt).
Can't recommend it enough for those wanting to grapple with these important issues.

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I took my time with this book because it was so eye opening, both as a pastor who counsels people who are dealing with shame and to how shame has and is telling an alternative story in my own life. I strongly recommend this book not only to pastors and counsellors but to anyone who wants to understand the way shame influences the minds and lives of people.

[Mary-Elizabeth (Emie) Salem · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Curt Thompson. I found myself wishing I could pause and ask him a follow up question several times throughout the book. So wise and scripture-filled. I’m giving it 3.5 stars because it, like many books of its kind, was wordy and could have communicated the point with fewer pages.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gut-wrenchingly good.

High points:
- being known combats shame
- shame tells stories about us, and so does the Lord. Who are you listening to?
- shame is an intentional element that evil uses to silently and subtly disintegrate our minds, relationships, and communities
- healing shame requires out willingness to seek it out rather than waiting for it to find us and show up
- our storytelling practices begin at home, honed in the family of God, and taken with us in every vocational realm we occupy
- evil’s intention for shame is to make our interpersonal lives miserable, and destroy everything about the world that God intended for goodness and beauty

“Jesus invites us to participate in His story as coauthors, the one in which God’s delight commands our attention far more than does our shame.”

“Its worth it to know the liberation of retelling my story so very differently from the way shame would have it be told, …, I look forward to how, together, God will enable us to retell our stories as part of the great Story He longs for all of us to join.”