How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved: Describes 8 Types of Dangerous Men, Gives Defense Strategies and a Red Alert Checklist for Each, and

by M.A. Sandra L. Brown

This savvy, straightforward book pairs real women's stories with research and the expertise of a domestic violence counselor to help women of all ages identify Dangerous Men—before they become too involved.
Brown describes eight types of Dangerous Men, their specific traits and characteristics. In separate chapters, she explores victim’s stories that tell how they came in contact with this type of Dangerous Man and their outcome. Brown then shows readers how to develop a Defense Strategy—how to spot, avoid, or rid themselves of this type of Dangerous Man.
Brown explains women's innate "red flag" systems—how they work to signal impending danger, and why many women learn to ignore them. With red flags in hand, Brown then guides readers through their own personal experiences to develop a personalized "Do Not Date" list. With these tools, Brown shows women how they can spot and avoid patterns of engagement with Dangerous Men.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Feminism, Abuse, Audiobook

256 pages, Paperback

First published September 16, 2014

Reviews

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the book in German and I have to say that neither the title nor the cover do it justice. This is a serious work of psychology that every woman should read. I had always wondered why so many women close to me got involved with men that were obviously not good for them. And we are talking about intelligent and very educated women. It is appalling when you see a woman you care about, with a lot of potential, breaking down for a worthless man. But it happens all the time.
What I like the most about the book is that it actually puts the responsability on the woman. In this era of irrational feminism and infantilization of women it is refreshing to hear someone telling us that we women are actually sensible beings able to control who we choose to let into our lives.

[Claudia Moscovici · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sandra L. Brown's How To Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved (Alameda, CA: Hunter House Publishers, 2005) is a must-read for all women before, during or after being involved with a dangerous man. This book lays out an entire typology of eight dangerous personality disorders. Individuals can suffer from several personality disorders at once. No love, therapy or medication can significantly change for the better a person who has a personality disorder.

Sandra L. Brown, M.A. explains that personality disorders are traits deeply embedded in people's character: some they're born with; others they acquire through their upbringing, experiences and education during childhood. But the bottom line remains that individuals suffering from personality disorders--such as psychopathy, narcissism, or borderline personality disorder--have constitutive emotional and moral deficiencies that can't be changed or fixed by anyone or anything during adulthood. Relationships with such disordered individuals will necessarily doom their partners to a life of unhappiness and pain.

You may think that you know how to recognize dangerous people without reading psychology books, but the truth of the matter is that you probably don't. Unless you're trained as a therapist, psychologist or psychoanalyst--or have researched personality disorders thoroughly-- you're not likely to be educated in abnormal psychology. Moreover, the information we're exposed to in the media or on popular shows is sometimes misleading and always very incomplete.

For instance, even well-intentioned, helpful and educational shows about drug addiction, like Intervention, lead us to believe that drug addicts would be psychologically healthy individuals, if only they could surmount their particular addiction with the proper support from loved ones and drug rehabilitation centers. How To Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved shows that this is not necessarily true. Very often, drug abuse masks--and is a symptom of--a more deep-seated psychological disorder which leads to poor impulse control, like psychopathy or borderline personality disorder.

To offer another example: popular T.V. shows lead us to believe, or at least hope, that wife abusers can be helped in therapy and anger management classes. How To Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved indicates that's also often false. Domestic abuse usually indicates the personality of a controlling individual, who needs to be top dog in a relationship. Such an individual commonly asserts his dominance through the emotional and/or physical abuse of those close to him. A man whose personality is shaped by the need for dominance, which is often manifested through aggression, isn't likely to be helped by couples' therapy or anger management classes. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to get away from him.

Addressing yet another common popular misconception, How To Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved explains that serial killers are not the only or even the most common types of psychopaths. In fact, most psychopaths do not engage in criminal activities (or at least aren't caught and punished for them). They're extremely charming individuals whose main traits--charisma, the need for dominance, and glib, pathological lying--enables them to play games of manipulation and deceit with others. Some psychopaths engage in domestic violence, but even those who don't can be just as psychologically and emotionally harmful as those who do.

Rather than spending your money on how-to books that teach you how to work at improving pathological relationships, you'd be much better served by reading this book. Sandra L. Brown, M.A. explains clearly each type of dangerous man: the permanent clinger; the parental seeker; the emotionally unavailable man; the man with the hidden life; the mentally ill man; the addict; the abusive or violent man, and, the most dangerous of all, the psychopath. She describes the symptoms of each personality disorder and the pattern of behavior of those suffering from them. She also goes over the early red flags of these disorders, which aren't necessarily obvious in the beginning stages of a relationship. Many of the men suffering from personality disorders are very skilled at the art of camouflage and deception. Nothing you're likely to be exposed to in the media or read in your typical self-help book will give you the indispensable information you will find in How To Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved. Reading this book can save you years of heartache and maybe even your life. For more information about personality disorders and recovering from toxic relationships, please visit Sandra L. Brown's website, saferelationshipmagazine.com.

Claudia Moscovici, Notablewriters.com

[Kris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pathological Categories of Dangerous Men:

1. Permanent Clinger
2. Parental Seeker
3. Emotionally Unavailable Man
4. Man with the Hidden Life
5. Mentally Ill Man
6. The Addict
7. Abusive or Violent Man
8. Emotional Predator

[Lexy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started out strong and piqued my interest, especially around the pathology of dangerous men. Having recently exited a relationship with a pathological and very dangerous man, I was looking forward to reading this one. Unfortunately, I felt the author blamed the victim for much of this book and that left a bad taste in my mouth. The author completely disregarded the cycle of violence in abusive relationships that keep women trapped, and how compelling and detrimental this cycle can be. As a professional in the social services who has a background in psychology, I feel as though the author’s narrative regarding what portion the abused partner is to blame, to be dangerous in and of itself. Some useful information at the end of the book around what healthy relationships look like could have been expanded on.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman should read this, frfr.

[A · Rating 5 out of 5]

"A dangerous man is any man who causes damage to his partner’s emotional, physical, financial, sexual, or spiritual health.”

This book is life changing for women with a track record of picking the sexy bad boys and believing love can truly change a person (aka me, and I hate to admit it).

I thought of myself as "smart" and super aware of psychological tactics, but the one thing I forgot to discount was that my internal red flags system had been broken for awhile (grew up with emotional neglect and invalidating parents, ultimately, I stopped trusting myself). In other words, sometimes I can recognize abuse as it's happening to me, but whether or not I leave soon enough is a whole other story. Just because you're used to handling abuse does NOT mean you have to accept it going forward.

To start, society makes only physically violent men seem like the dangerous types of abusers to stay away from. However, this book perfectly lists the 8 types (permanent clinger, parental seeker, the emotionally unavailable man, the man with a hidden/double life, mentally ill, the addict, physically abusive, and emotional predator) and perfectly lays out the ways they'll do damage to their partners and the amount of time, energy, and emotions you'll never get back.

Unfortunately, I'm also one of many women who thought I could beat the odds. I told myself, "I know what I'm getting myself into. I'm willing to take this gamble." After reading this book, I'm confident to say I will never, ever gamble again. This book gave me great insight into why I picked the way I do and a realistic presentation of the men I've been involved with, something my love chemicals blinded me from.

Love is not enough for men with certain problems, as illustrated in this book. I'm coming to accept that I can love him but it doesn't mean he deserves a spot in my life. Going forward, I will watch for these signs to prevent myself from getting attached and loving someone who has the odds stacked against him. I grew up knowing how to save myself the heartache, but somewhere along the way, societal pressure with dating and celebration of certain male characteristics led me to ignore my intuition.

Glad to find my way back home to my intuition now. I'm actually more optimistic and hopeful for love more than ever, because I think I'll pick better now. Regardless, single or partnered up, I refuse to compromise on my boundaries and allow a man to destroy me from the inside out.

I wish everyone else the same, whether you're reading this book to protect yourself or because you're finally choosing to break your own cycles. It's not easy, but this book really showed me it's been 100% my choice this whole time.

[Alecia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book explains why women choose dangerous men, from minimizing their poor behaviors, to glamorizing treating women badly, to accepting the media's portrayal that dangerous men are fun. She talks about how definitions have been altered to make dangerous men sound appealing rather than harmful.

She talks about the red flags and how we see the red flags, but we have been conditioned to ignore them. We have physical symptoms such as anxiety, an upset stomach or TMJ. We have an intuition that something is off.Why do we ignore these red flags? We have been conditioned by society and our families to be nice, that the gender roles of women are assigned us tell us to be submissive, or abuse we have suffered in the past makes us more tolerant to certain situations.

What are the Dangerous men we need to avoid?
1. The clingers or suffocators
2. The parental seekers
3. The emotionally unavailable man
4. The man with the hidden life
5. The mentally ill man
6. The addict
7. The abuser or violent man
8. The emotional predator/sociapath

Learn the red flags and how to avoid these people.

[Karina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is NOT a self-help book! It is a lecture about psychopathology and psychiatry.

Have ever wondered why wolen end up in abusive relationships, stay with men who beat them or date dozens of alcoholics? Here is your answer.

I loved this book also because it was concise and focused on facts.

[Benjamin Stahl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, but not a great response to the rising tide of violence against women. Sandra L. Brown applies her expertise and years of experience as a psychotherapist to the task of writing what amounts to a loosely subjective guide for spotting and thus evading bad men.

That is, “bad” in the traditional sense of being physically violent, for which there is never any grounds for justification beyond self-defence in a life-or-death struggle (and, I mean, really …). But Dr Brown also gives equal credence to the idea that men can be just as dangerous without ever laying a hand upon their wives or girlfriends. Hence we have also the emotionally dangerous, the mentally dangerous (meaning they are dangerous to your mental health; not that they themselves are necessarily nutters, for lack of a kinder phrase - though you’d think the two would correlate anyway). And finally we have the spiritually dangerous … so, like, Lee Strobel? Brown does make some interesting and provocative points in favour of these more subtle, but not necessarily less sinister, categories.

As a general guide to keeping oneself aware of any red flags and what they might possibly say about a man’s true nature, this book does a serviceable job. It is easy to see how certain attitudes, temperaments, lifestyles and habits - among other, more inherited traits - can result in a less than advertising Tinder profile if said profile is written with a zealous commitment to the truth. (E.g., “My name’s Max, and though I have an amazing body, an intriguingly dark and enigmatic demeanour, and sexual ambitions beyond your wildest dreams, I am also adept at manipulating girls into doing things they are uncomfortable with by evoking their sympathy. I have a rich stock of sop stories which may or may not be wholly factual, and a genuine complex over my mother who never loved me. I am confident and assertive … to the point that I will dictate what you wear, which friends you may keep contact with, and what sorts of posts you can and cannot put on social media”.

It is also hard not to sympathise with the many case studies Brown refers us to from her own work. Some of these are quite horrifying, and they are not always limited to abuse against the partner, but the children also. However, due to this more anecdotal approach, the book also does not come across as seeming as definitive as a book like this should. On the whole, it takes an overwhelmingly negative view of men in general as while there are plenty of clearly terrible things Brown urges women to look out for, she also tends to encourage jumping to conclusions over prejudice instead of any real evidence.

At her worst, she actually comes across as very ableist. Lumped in with the chronic alcoholics, wife-beaters, drug dealers and outright murderers, you can also find the introverted, those with depression, anxiety, OCD ("Hi there!"), men who suffer any kind of trauma. I don’t care if your time in Iraq still gives you nightmares, loser. Get the fuck out of my life.

Yes, I’m being a little facetious, and maybe drawing my own conclusions from her ambivalent treatment of these subjects. But I’m not being naive. I absolutely get that mental illness and trauma - especially in extreme cases - can lead to people (men and women) being very volatile, unpredictable, and even deadly in the worst scenarios. Even at best, these things will bring many great challenges. I just feel that grossly omitted in Brown’s detailed denouncement of all less-than-perfect male candidates is even a solitary qualifying statement that she does not condemn all men with mental illness or a traumatic past as being unlovable.

In a way, this kind of reminded me of another book called What Women Want by, presumptuously, a man. That one was a very different kind of book in that it was much more light-hearted subject-wise, being focussed on how commercial culture, shopping architecture, public amenities and such can and should be more female-friendly. That book was a perfectly decent one in theory - or at least, it should have been. Only it was greatly weighed down by the author’s blatant classism, shown repeatedly through the use of stereotypes - many of them also racist - branding all taxi drivers, bell boys (is that still their name, or am I in the wrong century?), and any riff-raff passerby as a potential thief or rapist.

Brown’s book - i.e., the one I am supposed to be reviewing - does not quite commit this same sin. But it does come close, and I realised all the more progressive books I have been reading the last few years have resulted in my being painfully aware that to paint all mentally-ill or psychologically damaged people as violent lunatics seems hardly fair. Hell, she even referred to one of her client’s daughters as “mentally retarded”, and this book only came out in like, what … 2014?*

This is why I think it doesn’t merit being regarded as all that authoritative. It is a bit too simplistic, and too based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence rather than objective, wide-ranging research. It’s just another one of those “psychiatrist writes her own book merely to have their own stake in the over-saturated field” kind of things. Now she can put the book up next to her framed accolades in her office in order to passively-aggressively push her clients into buying it.

* Well, according to the edition I chose on Goodreads anyway. A quick Google search reveals it was actually, originally published in 1999. So I guess we’ll let “retarded” off the hook. But this new information also perfectly explains to me why the whole thing just felt somehow outdated and a bit weird.

[Roberta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman, young, or old, should read this book!

Of course, not all men are dangerous! ..Being well-informed on what the mindset and behavior(s) are, in dangerous men, is WISE! If I had this book before I married, I would have chosen differently.

Most girls-to-women want to find a relationship with a man that is happy! full of warm, wonderful memories!

It is what EVERY woman desires!

However, in our American culture, today, there are a LOT of damaging relationships! Not the fairytaile we dreamed...

We lose the fairytale watching the news regularly; there's another painful (story... after story). Females being maimed, wives emotionally destroyed, or murdered, by damaged men! whom they were involved, in a relationship.

Sandra's book, HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN -- BEFORE! You get Involved, is just-in-time! It will not only SAVE WOMEN from the horrifying behind-the-back, "scheming and conniving" of their lives by damaged men, but also spare the wife-lover-girlfriend, severe! mental/emotional trauma, brainwashed children, and agonal heartache!!

It points women in the right direction BEFORE! getting deeply involved --- with the wrong man.
This book, saves you from ruining your life!

Thank You! Sandra!

SEE: www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

Overall this book was very interesting. I don’t particularly agree with her claim that abused women can’t be seen as victims. I don’t think that all women are able to see red flags in dangerous men. I appreciate the signs discussed and stories that illustrates the MO’s of dangerous men.

I think that calling women out and asking them to looking inward was good. Many women don’t realize why they are targeted by dangerous men, but this book explains the reasons and how to avoid it.

[Kellie]

I got this book from my therapist. She said it will help me realize what I didn't see in the previous "boys" BEFORE I got involved with them. I haven't gotten through much of it cuz I never have time LOL But I think you two (Karlie and Kiera) could use this book in your practice!

[Deb Bryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Before you get involved...I wish I would have had this book as a teenager.

Or after you get involved, this book is the fly on the wall describing life with pathological people and a good passageway into the real work of recovering.

[Mary V · Rating 5 out of 5]

Get out of jail free for women who have dated predators must read for everyone!

Great book full of good advice for women who have dated predatory men. Teaches women to recognize the warning signs of unhealthy relationships. All women should read it.

[Squishy Wendy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Only focuses on females as victims. These can also be applied in reverse. To simplistic and paints men as problematic in general.

[Iveta Vi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Girl, ja tu savā dzīvē esi uzturējusi attiecības ar VAIRĀKIEM bīstamiem vīriešiem, tad sorry, bet tu esi stulba un pelnījusi, ka tev atņem bērnus, jo tu neesi spējusi viņus nosargāt no saviem vardarbīgajiem fakeriem. Grāmata par bīstamiem vīriešiem un stulbām sievietēm ♥️

[G. Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting, if not a little scary

[Kristen Booth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book on a recommendation. Having ended an abusive (almost 20 yr) long relationship I looked forward to the insight and wisdom cited on the cover. How to Spot a Dangerous Man did not disappoint.

A few thoughts I had while reading…..

I wish I had been open to receiving this information years ago. I don’t know that I was in a place where I could have accepted the information the author provided at that time. I will say, the light this book has shown on the darkest parts of my behavior (that allowed me to be complicit in the relationship that tore me to pieces) has been blinding. I appreciate the staunch accountability she placed on women as being participants in these dysfunctional and debilitating relationships with dangerous men. The author points out, we have the decision to leave early on, and often either ignore, or are so numb to these men’s behavior, that we end up in a relationship we had no intention of perusing. That idea resonated in my soul.

Why is it, that as women, particularly older generations, we feel that being “polite” outweighs our safety? Why was a sense of self preservation, and entitlement to advocate and speak up (when every fiber of our being is literally screaming at us to run) never instilled? This book helps with that.

On a different note… I don’t particularly agree with the authors stance on mental illness and pathology at various places throughout this book. It seems at times, she has a very callous view on mental illness. I understand the paradigm of women wanting to rescue men who have a trauma, and abuse history. I also understand, often that abuse history significantly contributes to mental illness. I will say, it seems, that the authors stance is for women to RUN, when encountering specific personality types, or mental illness in this book. As a mother… of 3 boys, one of which who suffers from BPD…. I understand the need for boundaries, but it doesn’t mean he isn’t worthy of my love. And so, I wrestle with the dichotomy of what that means in my life, throughout this book.

Overall, I will recommend this book to every woman I know. With misogyny on the rise via podcasts, and the internet. Coupled with a very vile group of men who’s sole purpose is to obliterate any self respect and dignity a woman may have. I think it’s important for women of every age to arm themselves with the knowledge of what makes them appealing to dangerous men. It is equally important to understand that with this knowledge we have the opportunity to take our power back. No longer victims, we are able to avoid the pitfalls of dangerous men, and choose how we will be treated moving forward.

[Phoenix]

3.5 Stars

Dr. Brown does a good job of pointing out that it takes two to tango, explaining what type of men to avoid and why. It's a call for women to recognize why they get involved with men that are not healthy for them and recognize their own demons. For those reasons I believe this book can be an invaluable starter tool to women (and men). The information Dr. Brown shares can help people examine why they end up in toxic relationships and how to avoid them be they romantic (heterosexual or not), platonic, familial, etc

However, Dr. Brown completely ignores that truly dangerous men will cut women off from leaving abusive relationships making doing so near impossible. She doesn't really acknowledge that for the brave souls that try to leave that's when they are in the most danger of losing their lives, their children's lives. She talks as if it's as easy as doing an internet search for battered women's shelters and walking out the door but survivors and anyone who does the slightest research on the matter know why it's not. That being said those that need to research why women in abusive relationships can't just "[Google it]" or take advantage of all the assumed free help available to them nor simply walk out the door aren't psychology professionals. Dr. Brown really should know better than that and I believe she does, however, women who have been made mentally and PHYSICALLY trapped in dangerous relationships don't fit her "there are no victims here, only willing participants" narrative, which for many at the other end of the spectrum is true. For those on the other end of the dangerous relationship spectrum, those in simply unhealthy or emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive relationships before things escalate and they are on the trapped end of it, most of what she said in her book applies. But, her attitude is very glib toward the other end of that spectrum. Yes, lecture the woman in a truly dangerous relationship about how she is a willing participant in her abuse. She's just casually reading this book while Billy Wife Beater is looking over her shoulder. If this book is about before a woman gets involved with a person like him then why even address the battered woman? Why address an audience who is cut off from even reading her book? For that reason in particular I don't give my "★★★★" rating lightly. There's also the issue of the shameless padding over sounds advice, which is half the book. If she is going to be so adamant about pointing out how women make decisions to enter and stay in such relationships then she could have done a far better job of explaining why and giving better self help advise than "go to therapy" or "attend AA meetings even if you don't drink" and other inane statements that clearly come from a place of privilege that doesn't see beyond it. If I could I would only rate this book a ★★★½ read.

[Denise Cruz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was recommended to me by a friend and I have since recommended it to many friends. How do we keep from making the same mistakes we have made in the past? How do we learn to trust ourselves and our choices again? How do we free ourselves from bad situations? How do we understand why we made those choices in the first place and why we tolerated it for so long? We do it by educating ourselves. This book should have been required reading for all girls/women and it wouldn't hurt men to read it either. After all, there are pathological women out there too. It's gives a basic understanding of pathological behavior, how to spot it, and how to remove yourself from the situation. It makes it clear that the person with the pathology cannot be "fixed". Boy!!!, knowing that would have saved me years of frustration and heartache. It is eye-opening for me not only into the behaviors and dangers of the person with the pathology, but also in understanding myself and what I learned to tolerate from childhood. Having been involved with a "Dangerous Man", it is a long road to recovery and rebuilding of trust in self. After reading this book (twice) I feel better equipped to recognize red flags earlier on and not to tolerate or excuse questionable behavior. It's a slippery slope into the misery and shame that one becomes trapped.
Reading this book is like getting the secret decoder ring - we can spot you coming from a mile away...keep moving.

[Sasha.luv · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am thankful that I read this book for it has been very insightful. Learning that I was disarming my red flag alert system because of my depressive state and that he happened to be a good distraction was an eye opener. I recommend this book to all women who seek to be introspective and have a better understanding regarding dangerous men.

I mistakenly held the belief that because the man I was dealing with was a math teacher that he had to be morally upright… boy was I wrong! There were so many read flags but I chose to go against my better judgment and ignore them. He was driven , hard working and an ambitious man therefore I could not process the dichotomous information that while that was true he was not a good person. My overly inflated ego convinced me that I would be the one to fix him, all I had to do was be patient and understanding. I likened myself to a martyr or a Good Samaritan 😂 . Talk about delusions of grandeur!

Funnily enough, healthy and loving relationships are my norm so I was perplexed as to how I managed to find myself in such a disconcerting situation. I took it upon myself to seek help and read this book to understand why I made the choice to deal with that demon and to learn from my mistakes and never repeat it again.

There is a bit of victim blaming throughout the book but it has a lot valuable gems.

[nelkin · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's rare to declare a book as fundamentally life-altering, but this might just be it. I will be recommending it to as many women as possible. This book is so insightful yet challenging, it forces us to re-examine our fundamental beliefs about men and relationships. It cautions us to be especially on-alert and listen to our internal systems.

One of the most important takeaways from this book is to never ignore a hunch, a gut-feeling, or anything that may resemble a red flag. Be ready and willing to immediately leave a relationship that makes you uncomfortable. You deserve a stable, healthy, mutually-respectful adult relationship. This book will definitely guide you in the right direction. 10/10 recommend

[Melissa Mary Lopez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read!

This is a great book . It is well written and very informative. It really help me to distinguish what is safe and what isn't safe. It helped me to understand how it is I came to be in unsafe relationships so that I could not make the same mistake twice . I highly recommend it for anyone who has found themselves in a
Harmful , abusive, or violent relationship . This book is extremely well-written, easy to read and understand.

[Josephine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it, eye opening and with the personal testimonies it made the book interesting. I loved that she did not only blame the men.

[Chanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Books like these are so important to read. I wish I read this 20 years ago.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

All women and girls should read this. It's a helpful wake-up call because it's very common for women to rationalize away gradual boundary encroachment and gut feelings. This book helps us re-program that benefit of the doubt/ good girl conditioning with awareness and healthy vigilance.

Dangerous meaning any partner who causes damage to his partner’s emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, sexual, or spiritual health.

There are so many people ready to judge, blame, denounce and invalidate women in every matter of abuse from coercive sex trafficking to financial scams to sexual assault. This book helps women get out of those situations they may otherwise “wait and see” faster! This is important because these dynamics always start “good” and rely on testing small boundaries first while the love bombing’s overwhelming your better judgement.

A section I had never thought about was that if you typically like predatory charming narcissist types, you may afterwards be attracted to a clingy sweet sensitive dependent type thinking they’re healthy and the opposite of a an aggressive type, but actually not. The clingy type, wanting to hang out beyond your comfort level (12 hours or all night or day after day), guilting you for having other people and interests and alone time outside of them is simply invading boundaries in a more passive, martyrdom way. Still keen on control and overwhelm and draining your life force.

When we're taught to doubt our fear, doubt the signs in our body and rationalize, extend benefit of the doubt and invalidate ourselves and our perceptions, not ask clarifying discussions that may rock the boat, and to assume our own risk and be blamed accordingly, this book is really valuable to women in a world where Andrew Tate is teaching other men how to emotionally manipulate, exploit, and pimp their own girlfriend. Get it for your daughter, friend, mother, sister, niece everyone today!

[Gurpreet Dhariwal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved listening to this book on the Audible App.

It was one of those wonderful books that helps you in reaching to a point where you realize it is not always about the other person. There are many things that you need to set right in yourself, for your own sake and with your own positive affirmations.

Sandra's work is remarkable. She served as a therapist for numerous women who happened to fall into the clutches of dangerous men.
Even though I was not her patient, I can still say I was always dating or thinking of dating dangerous men. With this book, it comes to light how bad those choices were for me and these women who came to her suffered a lot from the damage of dangerous men.

She also focused on the points that make women trust men so easily and why there are myths about if he is being nice for six months, he will behave like that throughout his life. I was amazed to listen to those myths, and it made me realize I am not the only one who had been through damaged relationships with narcissistic personality disorder dangerous men.

I must say they cover themselves a bit wisely and cunningly so that the woman they are with shouldn't doubt them even for a second. I was that woman but thankfully I am not.

This book is for all those who still find it difficult not to resist the company of dangerous men and believe they will change someday. I am sorry to say but they won't.

It's more about your choices and life than him or what he brings to the table.

Read or listen to this book and change your life forever.

[Eva · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very helpful book when dealing with relationships. It provides great descriptions on the various forms of abuse you can encounter and warning signs you should watch out for.
Unlike other books it is not so much about dealing with abuse when you are already there: it's about prevention, and in that way it is very useful (in an entertaining kind of way). I think everyone, men or woman, should read it, because it makes conscious what we often try to forget.
I would like to clarify that no one should abuse another person, but sadly it is an everyday occurrence and a very real danger when dating, so you should be prepared to recognize the signs and draw the line before it's too late; or being prepared to help and support your friends and family. So go ahead, take a look around. You have nothing to lose and a hell of a lot to gain.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

On one hand, this is very clear and has important information. It may be a good resource as a wakeup call for a woman in a dangerous situation.

On the other hand, the information about the types of dangerous men is essentially a rehash of Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men with language that is harsher and comes off as victim-blaming. Compassionate approaches go further with many people.

[Moken Marsai · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I appreciated the examples provided and I also liked the categories of dangerous men the author provides. It was good that each type of dangerous men was explored in depth. I struggled through the section on men with mental illness. As someone who has been living with mental illness and been diagnosed with someone of the illnesses she described, I couldn't help but feel that I would be categorized as a "dangerous woman " based on this book. The author does address women with mental illness and the beginning of the section but it wasn't really helpful in making me feel less "dateable". I take responsibility for my illnesses and I keep up with my medical care. I would suggest that the book differentiates between men who have mental illnesses and are not doing anything to support themselves with this illness or are undiagnosed vs those who are diagnosed but live successfully because they do ensure they are consistent in treatment.