A Hundred Thousand Words

by Nyrae Dawn

Tobias Jackson grew up in Coburn, a town where the gay population equaled exactly one: him. Add that to the fact that his dream guy was his best friend's jerky older brother Levi Baxter, and it made hooking up virtually impossible.

Now home from college for winter break, Toby is a different person. He left Coburn for San Francisco, where he wasn't the lone gay guy and the only black kid in town. And yeah, he took advantage of what the city had to offer.

Apparently Toby isn’t the only one who’s changed. Levi’s not acting like the self-centered guy with all the answers that Toby remembers from growing up. Oh and Levi’s realized he's bisexual, which makes things a lot more interesting…

Heading back to college, Toby doesn’t expect to meet up with Levi again, despite him being in med school not far away. A surprise visit from Levi blows that assumption out of the water. As they spend more time together Toby sees Levi as more than just the fantasy. He’s complicated, unsure…he’s real. But if Toby can’t get out of the past and find the words he keeps locked inside himself, he’ll lose his chance at Levi for good.



A gay, new adult, interracial romance.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, New Adult, Contemporary, College, LGBT, Audiobook

300 pages, Unknown Binding

First published October 27, 2015

About the author

I am a compulsive reader and writer who loves YA fiction.

I love nothing more than writing about young adults. There is something so fresh and fun about it. You can pretty much always find me with a book in my hand or open document in front of me.


I live in Southern California with my husband and two children.

Reviews

[wesley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kristan's review captured everything to love about this book. You can read her review, here. So I'm just going to keep this short.

There is a consistent tenderness to this book – from the eloquent and crisp writing, to Toby’s honest point of view, up to the engrossing plot. All these flowed with utmost delicateness. When I read this, I felt a heavy weight surrounding everything in the story but it wasn’t stifling and oppressing. Rather, I was awed by its authenticity – how it just felt utterly and genuinely real.

I loved Toby’s character. I loved how Nyrae Dawn allowed him to bare his heart and soul to us, readers, but he still was an enigma through and through – a jigsaw puzzle waiting to be solved. Complex but unmistakably magnetic.

The way Levi’s character was developed was brilliant as well. I saw him as that stereotypical golden boy at the start – the one who gets everything he wants and gets to be a well-loved douche. Beautiful but shallow. But, as I went on with the story, I ended up falling in love with him as I learned something new to his character that made him flawed and human. More accurately, Toby made me fall in love with him.

Their chemistry was sparkling and the story build-up was steadily cultivated. From the first few chapters alone, I knew that everything was going to blow up spectacularly in the end. Still, when that moment came, I was rendered surprised and speechless.

Most of all, I loved how this book was put together by words which were so beautifully truthful. There are lessons in this book but they are given to you in a manner where you can relate it to your own coming-of-age story. Where you can put yourself in the shoes of either Toby’s or Levi’s character, and say that you’ve also been down that road before. The way these lessons were introduced was exquisitely beautiful. Very conversant, not at all condescending, a hundred-percent real.

What kind of life is it if you don't let yourself experience it? If you don't go for what you want and live how you want? If you don't open your mouth and say what's important and cling to those you love? Not being who you are, or saying how you feel, or fighting for what you love, not being able to risk your heart, is losing by default.

[.Lili. · Rating 5 out of 5]

***************IT'S LIVE!!****************

http://www.amazon.com/Hundred-Thousan...




Let me start off by saying: this is how you write a New Adult story!



I am such a sucker for NA but got kind of bored with the genre after seeing the same things over and over. One of the main characters needs to be saved or let's throw every freakin' problem we can think of at them in one book- let's make it angst galore! This book was like a breath of fresh air. We have two men who have been in each other's lives since childhood but while Tobias has always harbored a secret crush on Levi, Levi has only ever seen him as his kid brother's best friend. Things change over a winter break from school- Toby realizes that maybe Levi is not the cocky guy he remembers and Levi notices that Toby is all grown up.

Well, as soon as this popped up I wanted to read it. I mean:

College setting ✔
Interracial couple ✔
Best friend's older brother ✔

I was all over this like white on rice! And it delivered on every level.

What I loved:

*Toby and Levi. Complex characters with real problems who grow together throughout the story. Perfectly executed. The way she developed their friendship and their romance- I was in heaven.
*The plot. The blurb doesn't do it justice- it is so much more than a story about having a crush on your best friend's older brother. It's about family, friendships, finding ourselves and our place in life. It was honest and heartfelt.
*The story had a great pace. It kept my attention the entire time. It sucked me in- and once I started I didn't put it down until the end.
*It was humorous and sexy. The dialogue was great- I just loved the banter between them.
*The epilogue. It left me incredibly happy.



To me, there was nothing that I find criticism in. It was perfect. I seriously can't recommend it enough. It was such a beautiful story. It's going on my favorites of 2015 and my comfort re-read pile. 5 Stars!

**ARC kindly provided by Nyrae Dawn for an honest review.
**This reviews is cross-posted at Gay Book Reviews.

[Meags · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Stars

New adult and M/M in genre, A Hundred Thousand Words is a sweet, sexy, and touching story, featuring a best-friends-brother/friends-to-lovers couple dynamic between main characters Toby and Levi.

Toby and Levi have always been in each other’s orbits, with Toby crushing hard on the slightly older Levi from a young age. But when they unexpectedly form a new, more emotionally charged bond when home from school one Christmas break, the two begin to explore a sexual relationship that ends up following them back to San Francisco where they both attend college.

Their new dynamic takes some getting used to, especially for Toby. As a gay biracial kid growing up in a small town, he never expected his biggest crush to end up being bisexual and interested in him. Finally getting with Levi is a dream come true, but Toby has always kept his relationships purely sexual and he knows that won’t be possible with Levi, who has always held a firm grip around his complicated heart. Plus, he feels like he’s betraying his best friend with his somewhat estranged brother, which also throws a spanner in the works.

Although a bit complicated due to their personal issues, Toby and Levi’s relationship grows into something necessary and untameable. Their connection is strong, but for their relationship to work they need to sort themselves out personally, each needing to communicate better with their families, especially about the big things that will impact their entire lives.

I liked Toby and Levi a lot. They were both complex and layered characters, each with their own emotional hang-ups and burdens that impacted the way they lived their lives and how they conducted their relationships. I understood their fears and apprehensions, and I appreciated that they were stronger together, finding calm and personal strength in each other’s support and love.

At its core, this story is about growing up and carving your own path. It’s about owning your choices, even if those choices go against the expectations of your family. It’s about finding first and lasting love, even in the most unexpected of places. It’s about friendship and brotherhood; it’s about family.

I enjoyed this story a great deal and would highly recommend the audio edition, narrated by Sean Crisden.

[✦❋Arianna✦❋ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars!!

[*J* Too Many Books Too Little Time · Rating 3 out of 5]

I seem to be in a bit of a reading slump.

I just couldn't really get in to this one. There was some skimming going on.

I didn't find Tobias very likable. Not sure what Levi saw in him. Toby didn't seem to put much effort in to the friendship/relationship/arrangement.

I just didn't really care what happened. I kept putting the book down, doing other things.

[Elsa Bravante · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un libro del que no me esperaba mucho, pero ha sido una grata sorpresa, muy entretenido, me lo he leído sin apenas darme cuenta.

No es un libro de Premio Nobel (seamos sinceros, pocos lo son), pero está escrito más que correctamente y los personajes principales están muy bien dibujados, fundamentalmente Toby, el dueño del POV.

Toby, el único gay y chico de color en una pequeña población de Oregon, ha estado toda su vida enamorado del hermano de su mejor amigo, Levi. Las circunstancias hacen que unas Navidades se de cuenta de que Levi no era la persona egoista y pagada de sí misma que siempre pareció, poco a poco se construye una relación que se enfrenta a dificultades externas y fundamentalmente internas debid0 a la dificultad de Toby para confiar en querer a alguien y decir lo que siente. Ambos personajes están bien desarrollados, fundamentalmente Toby, a través de las páginas sientes su soledad, el por qué de su renuencia a querer o depender de alguien, y poco a poco te vas enamorando de Levi como lo hace él. Levi es fundamentalmente generoso haciéndote partícipe en todo momento de lo que siente. La gran joya del libro son las conversaciones entre los dos personajes, las dificultades de Toby en ellas y la generosidad de Levi.

Poco más puedo decir, me ha gustado mucho, los personajes y su historia de amor. Me ha encantado que uno de ellos sea POC, se ven muy pocos, y aunque su raza no sea una cuestión demasiado relevante en la historia, Toby sí te hace saber cómo se siente a veces al ser diferente en una población pequeña, tanco por ser de raza negra, como por ser gay. En ocasiones es muy solitario ser diferente.

Todo es cuestión de gustos, pero para mi, muy recomendable.

[Kristan · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

We've all had that moment; the one where you realize that the plans you had made, and the place where you're at, aren't necessarily the same. Or, the dreams you once had for yourself aren't necessarily the ones you would dream up for yourself now. Sometimes we can pinpoint where our life took a different path than the one we thought was laid out for us. Other times we look back, dissecting, and searching for where it began to unravel.

That's essentially the meat this book.

This book is as real and as genuine, as it gets.

Toby often feels like two seperate people. As a kid he felt different than everyone else. Shaped by his Mother's abandonment, he's shy and withdrawn.
As an adult, he's more confident but emotionally closed off. He keeps people at a distance, terrified that if he lets someone in, it gives them the opportunity to hurt him when they inevitably leave.

There's only one person who he's ever let in, and that's his best friend, Chris. Chris's brother, Levi, has always been on the periphery, someone who he had a huge crush on, but who he never really talked to, and out of loyalty to Chris, never liked.

A chance meeting throws these two together, and Toby starts to see Levi as more than just the confident guy everyone likes, and more than just an unattainable crush. He's sees the mask Levi wears, and a vulnerability and sadness that he wants to take away.

As much as Toby is a thinker, he can't really see how closed off he's become.

"Words are funny like that, though. They're hard to spit out, hard to let out of your head. Feels so much safer to keep them inside of you."

He thinks that Levi spending time with him is a way for Levi to capture a time in his past where he had all the answers. Levi is adrift, not knowing what to do about his future and trying to reconcile the expectations others have for him with the expectations he has for himself.

The more Toby sees of Levi, the more he likes, but he's a jumble of thoughts and emotions. He's torn between his feelings for Levi, and his loyalty to Chris. He has all these words in his head that he wants to get out, but not the ability to express them. But he'll have to learn how to, and soon, or he'll lose out on love, after finally realising how good it can be.

"You're good at words when you use them. I wish you did it more," Levi says softly. "I know... I'm trying."

This is a true coming of age story, where Toby and Levi navigate the past, their future, and who they want to be.

This story is really more of a lesson in how much silence can hurt.

There is a really great secondary cast of characters in this book. (Everyone is supportive and insightful.) It's a little strange, and kind of refreshing, to see how frank everyone is in their opinions. I'm hoping that Xavier, Toby's roommate, gets his own book, as he induced a smile almost every time he was on page.

Sometimes the tenses seemed a little off to me, and Toby spends too much time in his head, but this book was just really well done. It has very believable characters, with a healthy dose of feels, and a letter from a father to his son that just about slayed me (keep tissues handy).

Highly recommended.

"I'm still a work in progress, but I want to put in that work with you, Levi. I was afraid to give you my words before, but I'm not scared anymore. I'll give you a hundred thousand words every day if that what it takes to get you back."

[Elsbeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

BR, November 1st with Momo.

This was nice!!
I loved that Toby was secretly in love with his best friend's brother Levi.

Seemingly Levi has gotten everything in life so easy.. His father's proud cause he's following his father's footsteps as doctor.
Levi was always good with the woman. His brother Chris "hated" him for it and for being an ass about it also..

Levi



Toby has grown up without his mother. He's not having this great relationship with his father. Ever since Toby's mother abandoned her family, his father has felt depressed and together they have really problems with communicating.

Toby



All Toby's free time is spend with "his boy" Chris and they have a pretty good relationship.

During winterbreak Toby realizes that maybe Levi is not that bad after all and Levi notices all of a sudden Toby is grown up. Later on Toby discovers that Levi is not that straight after all.
They continue to see each other when going back to college. Levi struggles with himself, not really sure if he wants to be a doctor any longer. He feels he no longer understands who he is any more.
Toby also has issues. He has only ever trusted his best friend Chris so he has trouble giving himself to Levi.

“It’s similar to how I know I allow my personal fears to come between us. How I don’t give myself to Levi as openly as he’s offering himself to me. How I want to believe his words, want to feel that they’re Levi’s truth, and yet I’m not sure I’m worthy of them at the same time.”

However the two guys develop a real friendship and romance and they were cute together.

I especially loved the last 20%. That part where all secrets are all in the open and as emotional as it was I loved Levi in this part!!

"I’m not playing games anymore. You and I are going to get real about stuff soon. I won’t hold it off anymore. I want more than your body. I want your heart and I need your words. I need to know you feel the same. I can’t be in this alone.”

It was a beautiful story.

“You’re good at words when you use them. I wish you did it more.”

[Kaje Harper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Toby grew up with a distant father, who withdrew from him after Toby's mother walked out on them one day and never came back. The saving grace of his highschool years was his friendship with Chris, who is straight but not narrow, and has had Toby's back since the day they became friends. Chris shared his family with Toby. They spent a lot of time together. Some of that time was spent getting mad at Chris's older brother Levi, the golden boy who could do no wrong, who walked off with Chris's girlfriends, who was going to follow in their dad's doctor footsteps. Shining Levi, who made Chris's life harder, and whom Toby secretly, reluctantly, hopelessly, lusted after for years.

Growing up gay, and black, in a small town where both are a rarity, was rough. But with Chris behind him, the deepest cuts in Toby's psyche are the ones left by the abandonment of his mom, and the emotional disconnection of his father. He's determined never to count on anyone. Only Chris has ever been let deeply into Toby's life since then.

Now Toby's off at college. He picked San Francisco, where he found people to hang out with and guys to sleep with. But Toby's too familiar with abandonment, and he keeps all his relationships safely superficial. Until the week he comes home for break, and discovers Levi is home too. And in a drunken moment, Toby discovers the boy of his impossible dreams is a complex man, bisexual, and far from the confident successful guy Toby and Chris imagined. Toby really wants to get closer to Levi, but how can he betray Chris, who saw one girlfriend after another pulled into Levi's orbit, by doing the same? And what does Levi really want from him anyway?

This is an engaging story, with an appealing main character, and some fun, realistic dialog. There are a couple of surprises along the way, and moments of emotion and conflict. Toby is stuck in his head a bit long, and Levi was a bit inconsistent, but both could be put down to the emotional stress they're going through. There were some appealing secondary characters, a smooth writing style, and I definitely enjoyed this story.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuine. Tender. Authentic. Emotional. This is a poignant coming of age tale featuring two young men finding their way in the world. Both men are in their twenties, and both are attending college.

Tobias “Toby” Jackson is an English major, who is visiting home for winter break. Toby grew up feeling like an outsider in a small town where he was the only Black kid and the lone gay kid at his school. He’s had a crush on his best friend’s older brother, Levi, since childhood.

Levi Baxter grew up popular, admired, confident, and destined for success. He’s in medical school, following in the footsteps of his MD father. He is also bisexual, but has not come out to his family.

When Toby and Levi reconnect during winter break, Toby learns that Levi may not be quite as unattainable as he first thought, and he also discovers that Levi has a lot of cracks in his golden boy armor.

Not only is the romance affecting and heartwarming, but the way in which the two men explore and start to discover where they fit in the world is completely relatable. This story beautifully explores how one may choose many paths before truly finding where to belong. Existing in this life often means questioning dreams and goals, while discovering that original plans are often made to be broken.

This is such lovely story and it will stay with me for a long time. Highly recommend!

[Tess · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 stars

Although this is a romance, I see this more as a coming of age story. I loved the writing style. This is told in Toby's voice and his voice felt very authentic to me. He grew up in small town Oregon where he was the only black and gay boy in school. This has shaped his personality in some respects and the fact that his mom left before his teen years has shaped him in other ways. He's afraid to form relationships for fear of being hurt or left behind. His only relationship is that with his best friend Chris, who has never let him down.

This story picks up in Toby's sophomore year of college when he starts to become involved with Chris' older brother Levi. By the way, Levi isn't as straight as Toby always thought he was. Levi is the all-around golden boy: he's in med school, he's very attractive and he's hugely confident. And his brother (Toby's best friend) has always resented him. But as Toby gets to know Levi, he realizes there are cracks beneath the surface and all isn't as it seems.

I loved following the journey of Toby and Levi as they gradually start to fall in love but more so as they started to find their place in the world. Levi had some big issues he needed to resolve. Toby's issues were mainly about learning to open himself up to other people and to accept their love and friendship.

This wasn't entirely perfect though. I found it hard to warm up to Levi in the first half of the book and some of Toby's actions (or non-actions) frustrated me from time to time I really felt that he was a jerk to Chris through large parts of the book and I sort of wish Chris didn't forgive him so quickly!.

Overall, though, I found the writing to be engaging and enjoyed watching these boys on their journey.

[Pixie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man this book cut me deep…. I had refrained from reading this because I saw that not only was one of the MCs gay but he was mixed as well. And let me tell you…being mixed no matter what anyone may tell you is not the same thing as being black. This kid also has a lot of trust issues steaming from a parent that abandons him. Anyone who has ever talked to me on here knows I’m mixed and my issues with my parents makes this kid and I seem like doppelgangers. I didn’t expect someone to write a character that got it without falling back on the clichés.

There is a scene in the book where the character is talking about the “not enough”. That sums up being mixed to me. You’re not white enough, you’re not black enough, throw in not being straight and it just starts to weigh on you. By the time you’re supposed to be a functioning adult going out in the world you’re like um….let’s not pretend I could be your person because clearly I’m not enough. You’re with people while distancing yourself from them. I identified with Tobi so much it kind of hurt a little.

Levi….I want to say I wanted to see more of Levi’s perspective but actually I think what we saw was perfect. This story isn’t so much about Levi and Tobi as much as it was about Tobi just working through his shit. Tobi had shit to work through. I’m sure there are going to be people who feel it worked out a little too smoothly but I thought it made perfect sense. Trust me, the way you get through to the Tobi’s of the world is to just love them so hardcore they can’t deny it. Whole book rang true to me. All the stars…

[Amina · Rating 2 out of 5]

✰ 2.25 stars ✰

​ “I’m already​ yours. I’m not sure there’s a damn thing I wouldn’t do for you.”​
​
​​ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ The end of the year is like spring cleaning for me. Where I dust through the 90+ ebooks I have with me and pick at random whichever book piqued my interest a couple of years ago & finally put it out to pasture. Some are wins; some are duds. And while the unserious part of me wonders if this read was A Hundred Thousand Words only, the serious part of me does appreciate it for the story - not so much the way it was told, though. 🙆🏻‍♀️​ It's nice to read an interracial romance, one that is also where one of them has been crushing on his best friend's older brother for as long as he's known him, but too afraid to voice it aloud - especially, since he's never shown remotely any interest in him.

​“I want him. I’ve always wanted him, but before it always seemed like a fantasy. Now—just like my perception of Levi as a person—my feelings are shifting, becoming deeper.​”

​​ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ And for twenty-one-year old Toby Jackson it has taken an enormous amount of restraint to hold himself off from acting upon his feelings for twenty-four-year-old Levi Baxter, an annoyingly frustrating​ jerk of an older brother to his best friend since fifth grade, Chris. But, with one surprise ​drunken meet-up at a gay bar opens up doors neither of them even knew were open to them - doors that Toby's always kept closed because as the only queer Black kid in their small town of Coburn​, it's never been his intention to speak his obvious desire for his very white and pale best friend's brother. ​🥺 But, sometimes it doesn't take words for the heart to speak up for what it wants. Sometimes it takes a little persuasion and keen intention - a bit of forced intervention and a little bit of tete-a-tete to realize that maybe the attraction has never been quite one-sided. That as much he's been holding off showing his true colors, that Levi may have the same thoughts circling inside. That maybe just maybe, he doesn't always have to be the T-Rex that Levi picks a bone with, that maybe they might just bone ---

Okay, I'm a little off right now in my head, I'll just stop there. You get the gist.​ 😏

​“To anyone who has ever crushed on someone from afar.
And to anyone who has ever feared losing those they love.
You only live once. Make it count.​​”

​​ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ​The dedication truly speaks for itself. The story is exactly like that; for Toby to finally have his crush in his arms, despite the lingering fear that he's deceiving his best friend. It's the uncertainty of knowing whether or not what they have is serious enough to be given a label - to acknowledge. It's the fear that the 'too fucking sexy for his own good' Levi he once thought he was is entirely different than the one in his bed - the one that opens up about his own doubts about his future as a doctor, the one who is more passionate about art - about him. 'You say you love words so much but you can’t seem to​ use them when it matters.' 😟 Who is not afraid to be seen with him, and never saw him as just his younger brother's best friend. For someone like Toby who has always been alone - who has only had Chris in his corner, Levi is the unexpected wild card he did not expect. 'I’m freaked out that I’ll want it to.' One who is doing things to his emotions that he can't rein in, nor does he want to, till the tides shift and he has to. 😔

​​ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ It was sad to see how Toby had to school his true desires for Levi, until all bets were off, and Levi wanted him just as much. There were some tender and sentimental moments between the two that were nice. Levi really was a bit clueless in his behavior with Chris, which kinda softened the blow of not really holding him accountable for his actions. And the inner war of betraying his best friend's trust while enjoying the heated company of Levi in his bed did weigh on Toby a lot, which I felt was believable. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 'I know. You’re not as good at hiding as you think you are. Not from me.' I liked that Levi encouraged Toby to open up more; that even as Toby wondered why Levi was hiding his true self, it was Toby who pushed Levi to follow his real passion. They strengthened each other and Levi getting to see how he failed as an older brother through Toby's eyes was also portrayed well.

​“I’ll give you a hundred thousand words every day if that’s what it takes to get you back.​"

​​​ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ​And yet, there was ​nothing​ new about ​the story that just did not click with me. It is a fast-paced and lighthearted read; a story about having the strength to fight for what you love, especially when it is worth the risk. But, the writing lacked vitality in capturing that in their relationship. It was predictable and there was no weight or life to the characters; not exactly flat or one-dimensional, just unoriginal. Okay, fine, it has been awhile since I have read an interracial read so that was a bit of a change. 👍🏻​ The theme itself of finding one's place and person to belong to was sweet and having the courage to finally embrace who you want and voicing it aloud is always admirable, but it was just that. Nothing else. 🙅🏻‍♀️​ It did not help either that the writing style was --- not amateurish, just juvenile. ​Even the sex was lackluster - a bit of a tease and just... poof. Like it was not even trying to take itself seriously or even add a layer of depth to the story to make it stand out and be something memorable. All I'll remember is that I don't think I would even be tempted to read the author again. That's not exactly inspiring or flattering, so.​... 🤷🏻‍♀️

[sil ♡ the book voyagers · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can also find my review at The Book Voyagers

Read this book people. Like you need it in your life, in your blood, in your bones to be honest. It's so sweet and romantic and real and raw. I related to it, You will relate to it. It's about college, decisions, family, loss, love, friendship. It's so real that you will feel you're inside the story with these characters. Nyrae Dawn made my night when I read this. It's definitely one of my favorite now.

Some things I adored (and you probably will too):
- Biracial, gay character. Toby is the MC and the one POV you read. He has been crushing on his best friend's brother for a long time, but sadly, Levi doesn't take notice of him and just treats him like a little kid. But then he returns from college (and this is where the story starts) and some things change *grins* Toby made me laugh so much. He also made me cry a bit (oops!). His story gets to you and you feel with him. My heart gave out a few times but Nyrae always knew what to do to get you back.

- Levi is bisexual and the sweetest guy ever. You'll fall madly in love with him. He is the older brother of Toby's best friend. So Toby always saw him as being unreachable. Levi is passing through some stuff at school and Toby is there to help him and tell him his truths. I think I related most to Levi because all his life he has been in the direction of being perfect. And when he gets to college he finds out that it isn't all there is to life. It's so great to see how these to are there for each other and whenever they need someone to talk, they can support one another.

- There is a sweet tone to the story. But it's also pretty sexy. If you love sexy/hot scenes in NA (and well-written ones!) A Hundred Thousand Words is just perfect for you. The friendship and relationship of Toby and Levi is amazing to see from the beginning. They're so comfortable with each other and they are so #married since the start to be honest. They act like they have been married for a while. It's my fave

- There's family dynamics. And friendship. First love and college. You'll read through the pages and when you get to the end, you'll want so much more.

I'm doing #ReadProud Challenge this month. This challenge was created by Julia Ember, author of Unicorn Tracks. You can also join the challenge, I'll leave the link here. Review and you might win stuff!

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

I decided to read A Hundred Thousand Words by Nyrae Dawn in between of my TRK readathon. I was looking for something cute, and I didn’t expected this book would delivered it very well.

It is endearing. It would make you laugh and swoon. There’s also the quality of authenticity to it. It’s a spectacular read that would nicely diffuse the tension in your body.

Here’s some of my favorite things about it:

- The main protagonist is gay, biracial.
- The author is biracial as well, it’s an #ownvoice book. Support your local author of color please.
- It’s a m-m romance story. The characterization, especially the main pair’s are well sculpted. It’s not a slow-burn romance, but I love how Dawn built up their relationship.
- Interracial couple.
- There are complicated love, friendship, and family dynamics.
- It’s plain, cute, and hot.

I’d recommend A Hundred Thousand Words in a heartbeat. Mini review to come.

[CrabbyPatty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Because what if you see your true self and you don't like what you see? Levi isn't the only person who's scared of who he is. For him, the scary shit is that he feels like he doesn't know himself. For me, it's that I'm scared of what I could become.

Oh, I loved this book. Nyrae Dawn crafts this story of Levi and Toby with such eloquence and so much heart. A Hundred Thousand Words is the story of two young men who have known each other for years, and through the course of their relationship realize they are each losing themselves, bit by bit. Levi, because he doesn't want to become a doctor and is having anxiety and panic attacks and can't tell his father what he really wants. . Toby has has no close friends (other than Levi's brother Chris) or relationships because he is scarred by his mother's departure when he was young - believing that if he never puts himself out there, he is saving himself from the devastation of someone leaving him.

This is one of those books where you could highlight just about every other phrase, because the words hit you .... and they hit you hard.

Maybe all the bright lights of the world get snuffed out by quiet tragedy nobody sees.

What kind of life is it if you don't let yourself experience it? If you don't go for what you want and live how you want? If you don't open your mouth and say what's important and cling to those you love? Not being who you are, or saying how you feel, or fighting for what you love, not being willing to risk your heart, is losing by default.

Risk it - read this book.

[Felice Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-developed characters and emotional. Loved this book. My first by Nyrae Dawn but not my last. These two young men will burrow into your soul. Highly recommended!!

[Santy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable read... I really liked Levi. I liked Tobi initially, but then he started making silly decisions which ultimately hurt the people around him.

He however redeemed himself in the end so I guess he wasn't so bad after all.

I still want to smack him on the side of his head though.... ;)

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book!!

[Eugenia]

DNF@37%
There was little here to grab me. It was just OK. Not bad. Not good, but not worth my time at the moment. Very MEH.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 Stars

Story was fine - I just simply couldn't get into the writing style and the plot/characters felt underdeveloped.

[Bárbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had such expectations about this book... And they ended up killing my reading experience.

I've wanted to read this for a long time now, and why wouldn't I? The cover is amazing, the blurb looks super interesting, everything seems to click... Except the fucking excecution. Don't get me wrong, Nyrae Dawn obviously has something serious going on (I highlighted so many passages that were so beautifully written that I think it's a shame that the whole book didn't have the same feel as some of its sentences had).

I feel like, in other hands, this book would have been what the amazing cover and blurb anticipated. I can imagine what someone like Anyta Sunday or Suki Fleet could have done with this premise. And even saying that seems unfair, considering one of my issues with this book. It's a stupid complain, so let's start there and get it out of the way: the sex scenes were awful- and it was glaringly obvious that they were written by a woman. Ridiculously written, if I may add; and way too often for me to truly believe that there was some depth to the relationship, when said depth started being ackowledged. I hate it when I'm told instead of shown, that's not enough: I need to believe these characters have some deeper connection going on, and those heart-to-heart that were very much on-page fucking paled in comparison with the emphasis there was on the sex scenes.

The whole family dynamics (and the conflicts that derive from there between the various characters) were at least realistic and relatable. So that's a win, I guess. But the truth is, I could hardly stomach Toby (the guy's character development took for-fucking-ever, and he made me want to DNF this at least three times, but I wouldn't give him the pleasure, not with this being so short). Levi and the rest of the characters were pretty good, though, so that is mainly what kept me hanging on to this. But you know, for a story that's heavily character-driven, the bare minimum I can ask for is that the main doesn't suck. And Toby didn't exactly excel at not sucking: the guy drowned in every fucking glass of water he could find, and his (understandable) emotional issues and his trust issues and his issues letting people in... They got so repetitive that it physically and mentally exhausted me. Disclaimer: I still found some (if not most) of his struggles relatable, they are undeniably realistic, but as I mentioned earlier, the excecution was poorly handled and it caused me to never be able to fully connect with him.

I'm too old for this shit. This book could have accomplished the same (but in much better quality) if it had been maybe half as long (and I don't usually find myself wishing a book had been shorter- mind you, even with all the nonsense about the Paris sewers, I still loved the shit out of Les Mis- so you see when I do say it, we have a fucking problem).

I've struggled for most of the book to try to give it an accurate rating. At times it felt like a solid 3 stars, but sometimes something would happen that would make me mad and I'd be settled on two. But that's not fair, not entirely. Not really. Even as upset and disappointed as I am right now I can see that. So, in the end, 3 it is. That's all. I just want to leave this story behind me now. But understand that I'm doing so with the intention of giving it the benefit of the doubt; the intention of maybe, just maybe, in a somewhat distant future, coming back with another mindset and see if this is a case of "it's not you, it's me". Today, all I can admit to is that it's a bit of both.

[Bella · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars
What's better than reading about falling for the best friend's older brother? The m/m version, of course!
Loved this book!

Toby and Levi. Sigh. I loved this story about these two beautiful, flawed, real characters.

Levi is Toby's best friend's older brother. He has harbored a secret crush on him forever. It is, in fact, how he realized he was gay. Growing up in a small town was not easy for Toby - the only gay and black guy in his community. Escaping to college allowed him to explore his sexuality and come to terms with who he is. But he has never allowed anyone to get close. His mother leaving when he was a child really did a number on him and he does not want to give anyone a chance to leave him again. If they don't get close, they can't leave him. So he keeps most people at arm's length.


Levi has always been the golden boy. Good looking, charming, smart and destined to follow in his father's footsteps and become a doctor. In his second year of medical school, however, he isn't so sure if this is what he really wants. Is it HIS dream to be a doctor, or his dads? And how can he really change the course of his life when his family has invested so much money in this one?

Levi and Toby connect while at home for winter break and they feel a pull towards each other.

What I loved about this book:
~ The writing. I just got sucked into the story so quickly. I felt connected to the characters and I was rooting for them!

~ The characters are realistic. They're flawed. They make mistakes. And I loved watching them grow into better people throughout the story line.

~ Chemistry. Whew!! Hot, hot, hot. I loved Levi and Toby as a couple.

I'm so glad I had a chance to read this book. The characters stuck with me long after I finished.

Bottom line: READ IT!!!

[Trisha Harrington · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really nice read!

I've been wanting to read something from this author for a while now. This one has been on my tbr for a while and I wasn't sure what I was in the mood for, so I picked this one up.

The writing was so good. The characters were solid. I loved Toby and Levi. I also loved Chris ( Levi's brother and Toby's best friend, who I wanted more of) and Elaine (Levi and Chris' mom). She was awesome. I wanted to shake both dads on a couple of occasions in this.

Toby's issues felt very real to me. He not only had to deal with his mom walking out, but his dads emotional distance after her leaving. The lack of communication between the two made it all worse. Toby wants his dad to show more of an interest, but his dad is depressed and closes himself off.

Levi was amazing, too. I understood his struggle a lot. It was easy to see he was struggling a lot, even though we didn't get his POV. It was easy to see, at least for me, why he worried so much about telling his parents, mainly his dad, the truth about his uncertainty.

I didn't really love the big reveal and how all that went down. I didn't hate it exactly, but I wasn't totally happy with it either. The ending itself was nice and had a solidly happy, so I was happy overall with how things worked out. I'm especially glad that Toby and his dad are working through things.

I'll definitely be reading more from this author in the future!

[Otterpuss · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! It's heartwarming and sweet and gentle and loving.
I totally bought into both main characters, they are well developed, they are real, they're flawed and I absolutely fell in love with both of them.
I felt Levi's reluctance and confusion and I loved how he handled Toby so gently and carefully all while trying to work through his own issues.
I felt so sorry for Toby and his dad...I can't imagine how hard it must be to live with the feelings of abandonment.
The emotion leaps off of the page.
This book gave me all the feels. I was so sad when I got to the end and I hope so much that Nyrae visits these two again at some point in the future.

[Ele · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5**

[AliciaJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was ok, but I wasn't really connecting with the characters. Their angsty issues just didn't resonate with me I guess. Oh well.

[Carol (§CoverLoverGirl§) · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Hundred Thousand Words - Nyrae Dawn

Toby lives alone with his Dad after his mother left him without saying goodbye. This has left him traumatised about people getting close to him only to leave him again.

Chris is Toby’s best and only friend and he knows all of Toby’s family troubles as well as the fact that he is gay. Chris’s family have taken Toby under their wing and regard him as part of the family. They have an older son, Levi, that Toby’s had a crush on for a long time. Nobody knows about that, not even Chris.

Things start to change during college holidays when everyone is gathered at Chris’s home. Chris doesn’t get on with his brother Levi, Toby doesn’t want Chris to know that he has a crush on Levi. Levi doesn’t
Want his family to know he is under a lot of stress because of his father’s expectations of him.

Lots of issues here for these three guys to handle, sibling jealousy, family pressure to succeed, fear of relationships, lack of communication between father and son.

Author of this book Nyrae Dawn also writes under another name, which is more well known, but I’ve forgotten it at the moment. 🫣

[Dimitri · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted so badly to love this book I ached, but there was just some insurmountable issues that I had.

First what I loved:

THE DIVERSITY. Okay I'm sorry to make a big deal of this but I am a black gay man and there is little to no racial and/or ethnic diversity in M/M Romance main characters. So I thought this concept was refreshing.

LEVI. I loooovved Levi. I mean at first he grated on my nerves, but I love how he was so forward and loving! Like he said stuff like this:

I'm not playing games anymore. You and I are going to get real about stuff soon.... I can't be in this alone.

What I disliked:

PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING ELSE. I found that Levi and Toby had little to no chemistry at all! Like Nyrae Dawn really didn't lay the foundation to the relationship because there was so much uncertainty and MISCOMMUNICATION!!!!!!

I HATE MISCOMMUNICATION, literally if everybody said what was in there head relationships and the world would be a better place. All of these inner turmoil monologues that Toby recited PISSED ME OFF!! What was his problem, just tell him how you feel! How you've always liked him or how you want him. I understand he had issues with people leaving him but SERIOUSLY dude you have to express yourself or you will end up alone just like your dad, and I'm sorry but he realized this too late in the book.

*And a quick note I couldn't help noticing but Toby is most likely an a Aquarius, having a birthday in February, like his inner thoughts practically read like an Aquarius horoscope. I'm an Aquarius as well and although we are famous for being unemotional and disliking making deeper connections, even I say what I feel ALL THE TIME. How can you expect anything to change if you don't tell people how you feel!*

*Rant ahead* And last but not least, the RACIAL ISSUE. Yes I loved the diversity but I hate how the author kept bringing it up in awkward times as a way for Toby to express his feelings to the reader or to Levi. When he said he disliked being the only black kid in town I understand when that is awkward, but most of the time I never notice my skin color in relation to others. I'll notice if you're speaking another language, or if your style is eclectic, but your skin tone usually goes right over my head unless the atmosphere is giving off racist-y vibes, don't laugh its real. I'm sorry but just ONCE I would like an interracial couple or diverse MC who doesn't care about his race. Like there are so many things to worry about than the color of your skin, and I would like to see to regular people just trying to figure out their relationship without the issue of their race. You are the only one who can give race power. I understand there is other historical implications, BUT I KNOW THAT my being black has never stopped me in doing anything or going for anything I set my mind to. Characterization has nothing to do with race. Like I'm black BUT WHO CARES, like it's literally skin. It doesn't define me and has no bearing on my personality. Maybe it's because I grew up outside of the country but race isn't an issue for me. Like I know people are mocked when they say this but I truly don't care about race or its societal implications. Like so what I'm dark and?? It all boils down to the type of culture you identify with. Because different culture sets people apart, race shouldn't. *OK rant done sorry*

I am going to say this though, when Toby says don't you dare compare my skin color to a food item, I DIED LAUGHING. Like when people say that its super awkward like thaaaaaaankks I'm glad I look like your iced mocha coffee from Starbucks, makes me feel real sexy.

Okay that is that. Overall it was an okay read. The foundation was there it was just the execution was lacking. I needed Toby to say more because he just had so much words and ideas in him and it pissed me off when he didn't express them. As I continue writing reviews most people will figure out that I hate miscommunication as a plot device to create angst. And this had it in spades, oh well will still keep searching for the perfect diverse M/M read.

[Leaundra · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this! I enjoyed going through both of their journey to find the love they had for each other. I got emotional in different parts of the book and I just thought Tobias and Levi were perfect for each other.