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The Lies Couples Believe: How Living the Truth Transforms Your Marriage
Are faulty beliefs damaging your marriage? If you are experiencing conflict, anger, or hurt in your marriage, you don’t need positive thinking or an escape clause—you need to replace the lies you believe with God’s transforming truths for your relationship to become all that it was meant to be. According to Dr. Chris Thurman, everyone enters marriage with misguided attitudes and expectations such “My spouse is a bigger mess than me.”“The purpose of marriage is to be happy.”“My spouse should meet all my needs.” This practical book dismantles the ten most common lies couples believe and helps you renew your mind with God’s truths for a more caring, close, and connected marriage.
226 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2015
34 people are currently reading
143 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
October 16, 2015
True reconciliation depends on the offended person being willing to forgive and the offending person being willing to stop sinning. As Lewis Smedes so rightly put it, “It takes one person to forgive. It takes two people to be reunited.
The first thing I think about when I think marriage is the line “What is it good for?” Depending on why you went into marriage in the first place can determine the answer. If we went into marriage to be happy and someone to fulfil our needs, we find out fast that this marriage thing is not what I signed up for. However, in a biblical marriage, God knows that this is not the case and this is what makes marriage a gospel issue. You are marrying a sinner and by the way you are a sinner too. By marriage, we become a team. Many times our disagreements end up being a competition or sides to win when in actuality, everyone loses.
Before you do this study and it is mentioned, if you are in an abusive relationship, you need to find help in a shelter or with family, friends or your church. Never put yourself or keep yourself in a position of danger – that is physically as well as emotionally. That being said, this book is geared more too keeping spouses on the same side.
You are given a test that determines your area of weakness in what lie you believe. Each 10 chapters start with a scenario of a married couple that may sound familiar, the lie is identified, and the truth about marriage that will set you free. That truth then is put to action with Acknowledging believing the lie, Access the cost of believing the lie; Adopt biblical truth to combat the lie. A list of scripture. Act on truth. An exercise for you and your spouse to practice and agree on to combat the lie;Ask for forgiveness.
This is a great tool to use together as a married couple, married friends, church group and even by yourself as I did. This is not about changing the other person or even your circumstances but about changing your heart towards the truth.
A Special Thank you to David C Cook and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
The first thing I think about when I think marriage is the line “What is it good for?” Depending on why you went into marriage in the first place can determine the answer. If we went into marriage to be happy and someone to fulfil our needs, we find out fast that this marriage thing is not what I signed up for. However, in a biblical marriage, God knows that this is not the case and this is what makes marriage a gospel issue. You are marrying a sinner and by the way you are a sinner too. By marriage, we become a team. Many times our disagreements end up being a competition or sides to win when in actuality, everyone loses.
Before you do this study and it is mentioned, if you are in an abusive relationship, you need to find help in a shelter or with family, friends or your church. Never put yourself or keep yourself in a position of danger – that is physically as well as emotionally. That being said, this book is geared more too keeping spouses on the same side.
You are given a test that determines your area of weakness in what lie you believe. Each 10 chapters start with a scenario of a married couple that may sound familiar, the lie is identified, and the truth about marriage that will set you free. That truth then is put to action with Acknowledging believing the lie, Access the cost of believing the lie; Adopt biblical truth to combat the lie. A list of scripture. Act on truth. An exercise for you and your spouse to practice and agree on to combat the lie;Ask for forgiveness.
This is a great tool to use together as a married couple, married friends, church group and even by yourself as I did. This is not about changing the other person or even your circumstances but about changing your heart towards the truth.
A Special Thank you to David C Cook and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.
August 16, 2018
There are certain lies couples believe and they better should not. Like these:
Lie #1: The purpose of marriage is to be happy
Lie #2: My spouse can completely meet all my needs
Lie #3: My spouse is a bigger mess of a human being than I am
Lie #4: I am entitled to my spouse’s love
Lie #5: Our marital problems are all my spouse’s fault
Lie #6: My spouse should accept me just the way I am
Lie #7: My spouse should be just like me
Lie #8: I see my spouse for who my spouse really is
Lie #9: My spouse has to earn my forgiveness
Lie #10: We can reconcile without repenting
And psychologist Dr Thurman is sharp and experienced enough to put some quite useful insight concerning every of these lies.
While I differ theologically from several points and could use different narrative (given the cases and/or the explanations) here and there, I must say I have found some areas of further development needed in me in all of the covered issues (smaller or bigger). And this is not a small accomplishment.
Lie #1: The purpose of marriage is to be happy
Lie #2: My spouse can completely meet all my needs
Lie #3: My spouse is a bigger mess of a human being than I am
Lie #4: I am entitled to my spouse’s love
Lie #5: Our marital problems are all my spouse’s fault
Lie #6: My spouse should accept me just the way I am
Lie #7: My spouse should be just like me
Lie #8: I see my spouse for who my spouse really is
Lie #9: My spouse has to earn my forgiveness
Lie #10: We can reconcile without repenting
And psychologist Dr Thurman is sharp and experienced enough to put some quite useful insight concerning every of these lies.
While I differ theologically from several points and could use different narrative (given the cases and/or the explanations) here and there, I must say I have found some areas of further development needed in me in all of the covered issues (smaller or bigger). And this is not a small accomplishment.
January 6, 2018
This is an eye opening book that really encourages self reflection. If you want a book that tells you everything that is wrong with your person, then do not read this book. I really had to take a hard look at my own heart, attitude, and motives. It will also help you check yourself before you wreck yourself.
January 22, 2019
Extremely helpful. Found myself nodding along at so many times realizing I do this exact thing the author is describing. Very useful to help identify the unhealthy lies all couples fall into from time to time and practical ways of getting back to biblical truth. My wife read it too. Lots of good conversations resulted after reading each chapter.
June 2, 2015
I was intrigued by this book because many of the ideas and principles that are presented are true, such as we all enter into marriage under the guise of expecting it to awesome and wonderful. Things we read or see on the big screen leads us often to believe that after marriage, there is the ever lasting bond. That's not quite the case.
There is scripture backing up information in each chapter and it reads fairly easily. As someone else mentioned, it's a book that would be good not only for the currently married but also for those in the process of marriage. In fact, I think it would be a great option for those in pre-marital counseling to read the book and then discuss. To understand that all the things that we've been taught to believe are not always correct. More often, lies.
I think it would be great as a reference book, but I tended to have a difficult time following and going through the book. Perhaps upon discussion with another person it would be more fulfilling.
There is scripture backing up information in each chapter and it reads fairly easily. As someone else mentioned, it's a book that would be good not only for the currently married but also for those in the process of marriage. In fact, I think it would be a great option for those in pre-marital counseling to read the book and then discuss. To understand that all the things that we've been taught to believe are not always correct. More often, lies.
I think it would be great as a reference book, but I tended to have a difficult time following and going through the book. Perhaps upon discussion with another person it would be more fulfilling.
April 21, 2015
It's taken me almost a week to write a review of this, and this is because I'm not totally sure what it is I think of the book! The author takes us through 10 lies which are the basis of marital conflict he believes. I think I found the book a little too formulaic in its opinions and advice and not entirely practical to follow.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews