La nostra ultima canzone

by S.K. Falls

Il più grande desiderio di Saylor è essere malata così che tutti le stiano accanto e si prendano cura di lei. Ha la Sindrome di Münchausen. Così, quando il suo psichiatra le consiglia di andare a fare volontariato in ospedale, la ragazza accetta con entusiasmo. Inizia a frequentare un gruppo di ragazzi della sua età malati terminali, a uscire con loro, a vederli al di fuori dell'ospedale, a far sempre più parte della loro vita, fingendosi malata. Nel gruppo c'è Drew, un ragazzo bellissimo di cui si innamora. A separarli una tremenda bugia: Saylor non è davvero malata. Ma a stringerli per sempre sarà una crudele verità: Drew sta morendo...

Genres: New Adult, Romance, Contemporary, Young Adult, Realistic Fiction, Mental Health, Contemporary Romance

372 pages, Hardcover

First published May 31, 2013

About the author

A huge fan of spooky stuff and shoes, S.K. Falls enjoys alternately hitting up the outlet malls and historic graveyards in Charleston, SC where she lives and imbibes coffee. Her husband and two small children seem not to mind when she hastily scribbles novel lines on stray limbs in the absence of notepads.

Since no writer’s biography is complete without mention of her menagerie of animals, you should know she has one dog that doubles as a footstool, a second that functions as a vacuum cleaner, and a cat that ensures she never forgets that her hands are, first and foremost, for pouring cat food.

Reviews

[Stacia (the 2010 club) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd always had a fascination with people who got sick the natural way. What would that be like? To wander around with a justified reason to be angry at the world?

I am the random documentary queen. If it has to do with cults, polygamy, doomsday preppers, extreme body modification, or even people who like to eat insects - I'm all over it. I like witnessing every day people living extraordinary lives, from the bizarre to the taboo.

Which means that it should come as no surprise how I'd be interested in reading about a strangely different person with a strangely different psychosis.

This is my first experience reading about Munchausen Syndrome. I've actually heard more about Munchausen-by-proxy (which is inflicted by another person instead of self-inflicted) than I have this particular syndrome.

I wasn't trying to kill myself.

Secret for a Song starts out with Saylor recounting a time when she swallowed a needle in order to get attention. From there on, she spends years coming up with new ways to get herself noticed, and the methods she uses aren't very pretty. If you're easily squeamish, take note that you might have your stomach twisted in knots a couple of times. I know that I sure did.

I'd been imbibing fecal matter.

It took a little bit of powering through to get past a few of the sickening (no pun intended) things which Saylor did to herself. Even though I wanted to understand why Saylor did the things that she did, I struggled at first with warming up to her as a character. Maybe we weren't supposed to like her at the start. Maybe it was easier to let the story have an effect on me if I didn't like her. Either that, or it was easier to root for her to change if she started out rather unlikable. Who knows?

I'd felt sort of a righteous joy settle in.

What I look for in books with flawed characters is the chance to showcase growth at some point. While Saylor's self-absorbed state of mind did make for some moments of frustration while reading, I saw that we were on a path to self-discovery, so I stuck with it.

Part of me loved the power.

Did it help that there was a cute guy? Perhaps. I wouldn't quite peg this as a romance novel though, even with a potential love interest. The book cover is sort of misleading on that front. For the second edition printing I want to see a chick crouched down in a dark corner or something.

I have secrets, Drew.

But back to the guy - the guy who was ACTUALLY sick. The guy who Saylor met at a meeting for people who were ACTUALLY SICK. Oh Saylor, you sad, crazy girl. Don't you know that Trix sick meetings are for kids sick people?

I fell in love with Drew (and the other side characters). Drew was the shining star of the book. His presence brightened up a sleazy situation. He even had a cane. So he used it because he was losing mobility - he probably looked pimp. At least I bet he did. He was this cute, guitar playing guy in my mind. Who cares if he couldn't type a text correctly because his hands were giving him troubles? Pfft...details.

There is nothing more in life than this, than us, right here, right now in this moment.

Secret for a Song might have started out as a book about one girl's need for attention, but there was more to the story than what one could see on the surface, once we peeled back the layers. There were unexpected truths which even the reader was unable to predict, leaving everyone's lives changed forever.

For better or worse? I'm not telling.

This book provided from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[La-Lionne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Uhm, no. I'm giving my two stars to the Hero of this story and some of the secondary characters, because the heroine was completely despicable.

Before you decide to chop my head off, let me explain. I get it, she has Munchausen Syndrome, you could say that it was her Syndrome talking and not her. I don't know much about it, but the way it was described in this book made it sound like some kind of Little Princess Syndrome or Attention Whore Syndrome. "Me, me me. Look at me, love me, adore me, feel sorry for me."
The beginning was good. The very first sentence of the book made my jaw drop:

I ate my first needle when I was seven.

I was all "Oh, this one got to be good." But you get to read more of her monologues and you go "WTF is wrong with you?" How can a person have completely no regard for other peoples feelings? I was hating her before I met other characters in the story. But the part that absolutely disgusted me was when she started volunteering at the hospital. Now, don't get too exited, she didn't do it to help anybody, she did it because she wanted to get access to medical equipment that she could shove down her throat or make herself sick. So, she joins a group therapy for chronically ill patients. They were either dying cancer patients or had other incurable diseases. Our heroine thought she was in heaven. That it was her opportunity to shine. She came up with this ridiculous lie about having MS, just to be part of the "VIP" circle.

To me, it seemed an unfathomable luxury to be a cancer patient. The world was made to sympathize with cancer patients. They were heroes of billboards on the interstate, of touching ads with tender music that interrupted our favorite TV shows.
***
Seven months? That was it? Seven short months since the dude had been diagnosed and he was sick enough to want to die? (What a heartless bitch! She says all that because she missed a few hugs while growing up?)


***
I was there because I wanted to be like them, because I worshipped the mutation in their genes, the stumble and stutter of their limbs.Wasn't imitation the highest for of flattery?

It seemed that she had everything figured out. She had fooled every therapist she spoke to, she knew how to talk to them and how to act. That's what made me think that she wasn't completely out of her mind. She's not stupid, but very self-centered and egotistical.

But here is some good news. The book is very well written. The heartbreaking scenes were heartbreaking (like meeting at the hospital and the conversations among patients) and gross scenes were absolutely disgusting (scenes with heroine injecting stuff or describing how her body looked like afterwards).

I absolutely loved Drew and his gang. Loved everything about him. He was a beautiful soul. He is also the reason that I started to hate Her that much more, because I thought that she didn't deserved him. I loved Drew's friends too. What a fun bunch. I know they were all dying, some sooner than later, but their attitude towards life was very inspiring.

Towards the end of the book you see that she is realizing that what she is doing is not right, but she has already done so much damage that I couldn't feel sorry for her even if I tried. Yes, she did try to help one of Drew's friends, but then there were drama with her mama that made her look even bigger bitch than she already was. You see, she discovered that her mother loved to sip something stronger to help her to get through the day, and that water in her water bottles wasn't a water. But who the f@ck is she to be judging her mother and accusing her of being a liar? Mother wasn't about to receive an award for being mother of the year, but she just didn't know how to deal with her daughter and found comfort in the bottom of the bottle. She did the best she could, drove her to ER every time she made herself sick, went to numerous therapist with her. What else can you do when your daughter refuses to get help? Let me clarify, we aren't talking about a nine year old girl, we are talking about 19 year old here, who should know a thing or two. Her mother obviously needed help too, but when the sh!t hit the fan, she got it. I think in order for the healing to take place the "sick" one have to want to get better. Which our heroine did not. She just kind of snapped out of it towards the end.

After I finished the book it got me thinking. Did the heroine really loved the boy, or she just loved the attention she got from him? He absolutely adored her, well, not her, but that fictional character she created.

One more thing. Why is this book called Secret for a Song? Yes, Dew played the guitar, but it's not like she tolled him the truth because she heard him play. I think he played only twice or three times during the story and she didn't ran after him confessing stuff to him. So what's the deal?

I didn't enjoy the story. To be honest, I barely got through it, because I couldn't stand Saylor.

[Anastasia · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is really hard to write a review for this book, because I honestly don't know how to feel about it. At parts I really liked it, but there were parts were I just wanted to stop reading it. I didn't, because this is one of those books were you just have to know how it is going to end.

Saylor is a lonely character. Her family doesn't pay attention to her, she also has no friends, except for her "tools" that she uses to hurt herself. She hurts herself for attention. She wants people to notice her, she likes the way doctors fuss over her when she's in a hospital, she likes the way nurses talk to her. She loves feeling cared for. She is not suicidal, not at all, she doesn't overdue it, she just hurts herself to the point where she is on a edge, just far enough from falling. She did this since she was seven, can you imagine hurting yourself for twelve years?....Her family knows that she is doing it on purpose. They got her help, therapists and doctors, but Saylor doesn't need an attention of a doctor as much as she needs an attention from her parents. As her therapist helps her to volunteer at a hospital, she accidentally becomes a member of a TIDD, Terminal Illness and Degenerative Disease group. She finally begins to feel like she's belong there. She meets Drew, a guy with Friedreich Ataxia, who she is starting to like, but he thinks she has Multiple Sclerosis. What will all of her new friends do when they find out the truth about her? What will Drew do?

The plot of the story sound really interesting to me, I really like reading books with a little bit of medical/psychological stuff in it. So I thought hmmm...this can be good. The story line was really good, I enjoyed it. I thought it was a nice idea, and a good developed story line. But what I found that I didn't quit enjoyed, were the characters.

Saylor was just..I don't know how to put her into words, selfish? annoying at times? I mean I get that she has a Munchausen Syndrome, but I just didn't like the way she acted with her parents, but I kind of got why, towards the end of the story. But still, I felt really bad towards her mother. Also Saylor was just plain to me, like I hated how she barely talked to people, I don't get why people might actually like her, or better yet fall for her....and that leads to another thing...The relationship between Saylor and Drew, I honestly didn't feel/believe one bit of it. Maybe it was just to fast, and "love" didn't developed enough, because I didn't feel their connection. But on the other hand I liked Drew, he was pretty cool, especially looking at what he was going through. I liked him, and his friends, they were awesome characters.

Overall, I enjoyed the plot, and some characters, but on the other hand the main character was plain to me, and the main romance of the story was really bad developed and felt fake. There weren't that many twists, only one that was unpredictable. I would say to give this book a shot, some people might like it more than me.

[ReadAlongWithSue ★⋆. ࿐࿔catching up · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an absolutely amazing read. Why didn’t I pick this book up earlier!

There are lots of awful moments in here. A girl who harms herself to get noticed. Really messed up.

The authors done a fantastic job of making the reader ‘feel’ emotions. A huge rollercoaster of emotions infact.

It’s compulsive reading. I don’t say this often but “I couldn’t put it down’ it had taken root in my soul and I had to see it through until the bitter end, good or bad.

[✦ Ellen’s Reviews ✦ · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the first line of this book, I can’t even begin to describe the emotions that this story made me feel. Repulsion, anger and deep sadness, but believe it or not, also laughter and hope. S.K. Falls is an amazingly gifted writer, and looks at the world through very twisted glasses. One Last Song was completely unexpected and will stay with me for a long, long time.

Saylor suffers from Munchausen Syndrome. She has a compulsion to make herself very ill. All of this is a very sad and desperate attempt at getting attention from her distant, cold and uninvolved parents. She is forced to withdraw from college, and through a series of events stemming from her therapy, she ends up in the TIDD (Terminal Illness and Degenerative Disease) support group at a local hospital. The members of the group all suffer with real, terminal diseases. Saylor is, to put it mildly, in heaven.

“I wanted to stay sick, to force my body to its knees, to make it cry and beg for mercy.”

Even though Saylor is deceptive and lying to her new friends in the group, I felt nothing but compassion for her as she is forced to endure a loveless home life, with an absent father and emotionally distant mother. She is isolated from her parents, who in turn, seem isolated from the outside world.

“The only person who came close to being a guest in our house was my dad.”

One Last Song is a compelling, powerful story. The author has created an incredibly memorable cast of characters and not one of them ever asks for pity or special treatment. They just want a normal life. Saylor, who had been friendless and alone for her whole life, suddenly finds herself surrounded by friends who actually seem to like her and enjoy her company. And Drew, OMG, he stole my heart. He and Saylor are drawn to each other and she literally blossoms under his attention. But will she able to reveal the truth to him without him running away from her?

“And here I was, clinging to the parapet of life, not quite ready to let go, but not quite ready to clamber on and live it either.”

Were there a few plot issues? Yes, but they were minor and did not detract from my enjoyment of this story and the thrill of finding an author with such a unique voice. Much is revealed by the end of the book and I was surprised to see that nothing was as it seemed during the course of the story. The ending left me breathless and wanting more. I look forward to reading many more unique stories from this very talented writer.

(ARC provided via NetGalley.)

[Heather K (dentist in my spare time)]

Okay, okay, I'm waving the white flag. I give up at 37%. I'm sorry but this book is just not for me.

Do you get squeamish reading about a girl swallowing needles, eating fecal mater, and injecting herself with spit in order to get attention from a distant mother and an absentee father? No? Then I think you will love this book. Yes? Then stay the F away!

This book is about a girl with Munchausen Syndrome, which is basically creating sicknesses in order to get attention from family members and doctors. I thought I could handle it because it is easier than reading about Munchausen by proxy (which is the vile mental illness where you infect your children or loved ones in order to get attention). However, I just couldn't stomach this book for a few reasons.

First of all, the physical acts of what she was doing to herself made me nauseous. I literally had goosebumps. It was almost unbearable to read. Secondly, when she joins a support group for those with terminal illnesses, feigning having MS, I started to get personally invested in the story in a bad way. I have an uncle with severe MS and so I started to get angry at the MC and losing my sympathy for her. I actually understand the psychology of her mental illness, but it just hit a little too close to home for me. Also, when she starts having a love interest in the support group who has a degenerative disorder... well, I knew that that story would lead nowhere good. I didn't stick around long enough to find out, but I'm sure there is a mother-of-all angst fest coming for the main character.

Was this book well written and worth trying? If you are still interested after reading the description, I certainly think you should give it a go. I think the author has some talent. However, I was too focused my repulsion with the main character to focus 100% on the writing.

[Kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Live on amazon!
US: http://www.amazon.com/Secret-for-a-So...
UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00D4...

There really are very few words that I can use to describe just how incredible this book was. It was so unique, I have definitely never read anything like it. I usually read books for the romance, I want a mind-blowing, earth shattering love with an incredible HAE. Did I get that in Secret for a Song? No. Did it matter? Absolutely not. This book is really not a romance. It's a story about pain, lies and deceit and ultimately overcoming all of that.

As you can see from the blurb, Saylor Garson is quite the character. I've never read a book with somebody like her - so vile. There really isn't much to like about her BUT at the same time.. all I could think was "It really isn't surprising that this girl is the way she is." and it is so true. So not only is her home life so awful, thanks to her less than caring parents but she is also suffering from Munchausen Syndrome. I don't know much about that particular syndrome, but I had heard of it and was so interested to read a book surrounding it.

"Seeing the worry on the doctors' and nurses' faces was a glourious, religious experience."

Most of the things that Saylor does in this book is questionable. How is this person even human? Honestly, at times I was so disgusted with her that I didn't know how I could relate to her. And then all of a sudden I could.. because her life was just so lacking, it wasn't surprising to me that she had to grab attention in any way that she could. "To me, it seemed an unfathomable luxury to be a cancer patient." I had to walk away when I read this line because really, what is there to say/think about that? Not a lot.

This book had some truly incredible, inspirational characters. As I said, the book really isn't a romance but there is a romance story there. Without giving anything away, Saylor meets a guy in a group, he is suffering an illness that will eventually leave him unable to talk and walk. I hate to say that I didn't believe in their relationship at all but I could see why it was important to the story. Having said all of that, I loved Drew's character and just wanted everything to work out for him.. of course that was impossible and I appreciated the author not sugar coating anything.

"I was falling for this scared, lonely, broken, brave man who sang songs about secrets."

As I said up the top, in my reads I really want a HAE for my characters. I'm not going to lie, there is not one in this story as such, definitely not one we are all used to in our reads. I'd say that individually these characters get their HAE, but together? Not so much right now. As well as this, I am a huge sucker for an epilogue, I've said it a thousand times, so when I got to the end of this book and there wasn't one, I thought I'd be disappointed but it turned out I wasn't. Everything was cleared up so perfectly that including an epilogue would have actually been an injustice to the story.

♪ "I'll tell you a secret, I'll sell you a secret for a song,
Someday I'll tell you, and take you back home where you belong." ♪

*ARC provided by NetGalley on behalf of S.K. Falls in turn for an honest review.*

[Angigames · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stelle e mezzo
È un libro sicuramente d’impatto questo della Falls, un libro che spinge il lettore a percorrere la strada dei disturbi mentali, spesso torbidi, difficili e subdoli, ma la genialità dell’autrice sta nel fatto che accompagna il disturbo mentale a malattie terminali. Detta così, potrebbe sembrare un disastro emotivo e patologico, invece la Falls spalanca la strada della vita, rendendo la malattia un punto di partenza su cui costruire una nuova strada tutta da percorrere.
Saylor ha la sindrome di Munchausen, il suo più grande desiderio è quello di ammalarsi per così poter avere le maggior attenzioni possibili da quella famiglia che, invece di calore, riversa su di lei solo ghiaccio. Saylor le ha provate veramente tutte, ma tutti i suoi stratagemmi sono stati scoperti e ora si ritrova relegata in casa, costretta a frequentare l’ennesimo strizzacervelli. Sarà proprio il dottor Stone, però, a dare a Saylor la piccola spinta che la condurrà al gruppo dei MDMT, ragazzi malati terminali che ogni mese si riunisce in ospedale. La ragazza, da semplice volontaria si spaccerà per malata. Affascinata dalla malattia, senza neanche rendersene conto, Saylor istaurerà un rapporto più che sincero con i ragazzi, soprattutto con Drew, l’affascinante giovane uomo con un futuro tutto in salita, ma l’unico a far sentire per la prima volta Saylor amata, voluta ed accettata.
La trama non è delle più dolci, ma sono riuscita ad apprezzare il carattere cinico, ferito, egoista e bisognoso della protagonista, così come ho molto apprezzato la dolcezza, la calma e la forza di Drew. L’autrice sbatte in faccia a Saylor la realtà della malattia, cruda, implacabile, inarrestabile, costringe la ragazza a riflettere a cominciare ad aprirsi e parlare delle sue paure, dei suoi dolori. Saylor affronta un percorso di maturazione e miglioramento particolare e per la prima volta si scontrerà con un doloroso segreto materno.
Quello che mi è mancato in questo libro è stata la profondità, presente in certi aspetti, ma piuttosto carente in altri. Tanti argomenti delicati vengono toccati ma pochi di essi vengono chiusi bene e questo è un vero peccato!
Il finale è però giusto. Saylor è costretta ad affrontare le conseguenze delle sue bugie anche se definitive e dolorose, ammetto però che un epilogo da scuoriciamento ci sarebbe stato molto bene!

[Cath · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't really know how to review this. My heart hurt in places....and I thought the writing was really good. I will be honest and say I think the last few chapters could have been more....what's the word....emotional? I don't know.....just thought I would break down .... But I didn't. There were things I wanted answers to that I didn't get. What happened at the others in the group? Having said that I really felt moved by the writing and it is worth a read. X

[Selly - Leggere Romanticamente · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stelline e mezzo

Recensione sul blog ---> http://www.leggereromanticamente.com/...

Quando ho deciso di leggere questo libro mi immaginavo una storia ragazzi-malattia in stile “Colpa delle Stelle” con un finale strappalacrime assurdo, invece da quel punto di vista è andata meglio del previsto. Non aggiungerò altro sull'epilogo, ma visto che è una domanda che in molte mi avete posto, se siete tra le persone che amano i lieto fine potrebbe non andarvi poi così male, almeno per quello che penso io vista la situazione.
Ciò che invece non mi aspettavo per niente, e che mi ha lasciato basita e disgustata (non sto esagerando!), è il comportamento della protagonista principale, unica narratrice della storia. Non ho mai sentito parlare del disturbo fittizio cronico chiamato sindrome di Münchausen di cui soffre Saylor, ma la prima parte del libro in cui la protagonista racconta degli episodi autolesionisti di cui è stata capace mi ha fatto rabbrividire. Non trovo quindi termine migliore che “inquietante” per definire l'inizio di questo romanzo.
Provare simpatia per la protagonista mi è stato impossibile (anche se mi ha fatto molta tristezza), ma non mi sono lasciata scoraggiare, dopotutto le protagoniste dei libri non possono mica sempre essere delle eroine! Chi invece mi è piaciuto molto è Drew, un giovane musicista ventenne con una malattia degenerativa, un ragazzo che fa battere il cuore a Saylor per la prima volta facendola sentire speciale e amata. Drew è un vero amico, si batte per gli altri ragazzi e coinvolge nella sua cerchia anche Saylor nonostante sia l'ultima arrivata. Quando Saylor si infiltra nel gruppo di sostegno con una bugia sulla propria salute, conosce (oltre a Drew) alcuni ragazzi con diverse malattie allo stadio terminale; inizia così la parte più triste e commovente: è impossibile non provare tristezza verso di loro e odio verso il destino che si è accanito con dei ragazzi così giovani. Le loro storie, il loro dolore, così come quello dei loro familiari è toccante e tutta questa situazione mi ha strappato più di una lacrima. Gli argomenti delicati che affronta l'autrice in questo libro sono diversi: dai disturbi mentali, alle malattie terminali, alla violenza, alcuni dei quali andavano magari approfonditi meglio.
La protagonista dovrà affrontare le amare conseguenze delle sue bugie, ed allo stesso tempo intraprendere un percorso di crescita e guarigione dal suo stato mentale.
La nostra ultima canzone non è un libro per tutti: è tosto, intenso, si fa odiare in certe parti e commuovere in altre.
Consigliato a chi è coraggioso, a chi apprezza i romanzi ragazzi-malattia e non si aspetta l'impossibile.

[Tasha]

I'm unsure what to rate this book and I'm not even sure I WANT to rate it so for now I will leave it without a rating.
Despite me not rating this, I did enjoy the book. I think? Yes, I did enjoy it. But it also made me very uncomfortable. And this book deals with some very touchy subjects (like terminal illnesses for example) that I don't feel comfortable discussing as an able-bodied person.

Our main character Saylor is incredibly unlikable. She has Munchausen Syndrome which means she purposefully makes herself sick to gain attention. She is selfish. She tells a huge lie throughout the book which made me so uncomfortable. But the story was still gripping.

And, oh boy, the last two pages had me sobbing like crazy.

[Jacqueline's Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted him, all of him, and I pretended that I belonged. It was the biggest lie I’d told up to that point, and for someone whose entire life was carved out of lies of different colors and shades and shapes, that was saying a lot.

4 Stars

WOW, if you liked Fault in Our Stars then you will love Secret For a Song.

First sentence… I ate my first needle when I was seven … yep I was hooked after that.

Saylor has Maunchausen disease, where she makes herself sick for attention. She has been doing this for years and has seen a lot of therapists with little help. Upon meeting a new therapist, he asks if Saylor could do anything, what she would like to do. Saylor tells him she would like to work in the medical field and with the help of her therapist, Saylor volunteers at the hospital.

Saylor meets Drew, who is part of a support group for the terminal diseases, known as the Terminal Illness and Degenerative Diseases support group (TIDD). Drew automatically assumes Saylor belongs in the group and when he asks if Saylor has MS and Saylor knowing Drew meant Multiple Sclerosis, not Maunchausen Syndrome, doesn’t correct Drew.

What we’re looking for is to establish an identity, to hopefully find sympathy or love or whatever in the yes of our loved ones

Okay, I’ll admit, I know nothing about Maunchausen Syndrome and I didn’t really read the blurb prior to starting Secret for a Song so when Saylor began hurting herself, it was just really fascinating to me. I had my issues with Saylor. I understood her disease, but I didn’t really understand her interactions with everyone, especially with her Mom and therapist. I understand the angsty teenager, but to me, Saylor seemed braty. However, as you get more into the story, you soon realize why Saylor is the way she is and I’ll say it. I finally got her.

Oh and Drew. I really liked him. How could you not? I mean, he is sick and is part of the TIDD support group!. Drew has Friedrich’s Ataxia (FA), basically his muscles are deteriorating and soon it will kill him. Is this a spoiler? No, there is no question that Drew will not get better, but that’s not really the story.



I know, why would you want to read a depressing book? Because it just makes you think about life and really Secret for a Song is a beautiful story.

What was it about pain that made us crave oblivion? We liked to think that we, as species, were tough, that we could take anything…But make us face our own individual morality and we’d lie down and weep…We couldn’t deal

The beginning was slow and most of it was building up Saylor’s past. What I really enjoyed was the interaction between Saylor and Drew, especially when they got closer. You really felt for Drew and his struggles. It’s very hard to read a Hero being so venerable. Also, slowly you see Saylor changing and it’s not apparent at first, which was perfect for me.



Drew made me feel like there were parts of me worth saving

Secrets for a Song is not for everyone and I am not sure I would say there’s a HEA, but it does end on a bitter-sweet note. Meaning, it was kind of sad, but kind of sweet at the same time. Just read with a box of tissues. I recommend this read because it will make you really think about your life and be grateful for what you have.

Yeah. It’s the smallest things, I think, that really make a life what it is

An ARC was provided via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review



For more reviews, please visit my blog :D - > http://jacquelinesreads.blogspot.com/

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

See more reviews at YA Midnight Reads

Thank you Xpresso Book Tours for providing this book for review.

'But as long as my mother hurled those words at me, as long as she provoked emotion-any emotion- within me, I felt like I was home. I felt like I belonged.'

Usually, when I come read books with characters diagnosed with some sort of cancer, deficiency or mental issue, I turn out to rather enjoy the story. There's something so poignant and touching about them that linger in my mind for a long expanse of time- a major point that seems to constantly strike is the character liaison and credibility. Unfortunately, while Secret for a Song did begin to have these qualities near the end, I had great difficulty in compromising Saylor from the beginning to middle.

Secret for a Song starts off with a cogent voice by Saylor. Immediately we can detect her personality which is paranoia- attention seeking girl. She's got a bold, sarcastic side to her and is rather careless of her actions. The reason of this is because she has Munchausen Syndrome, meaning she harms herself physically for attention and regard. Not that I detested her symptom, but her attitude and the way Saylor explained her situation was rather impudent and 'out-there'.

A shining point in Falls' novel will most definitely be the character development. The author effortlessly refined Saylor's temperance towards these deep issues and illnesses that she observes on people close to her. By the end of the novel, I was honestly awed at Falls' writing skills and how she managed to illusion an ultimately better and improved person. While I may have disliked Saylor from the start, the ending made me relate to her and miss her all together.

Drew is a pretty cute character on whole, he has to use a cane for support to walk as he has Friedrich's Ataxia. I loved his dedication, humour and clear mindedness as opposed to Saylor's. However there's something about him that makes me hesitated about- most likely his sensitivity. Without pulling any spoilers, the ending for me about him, kinda seemed out of character and off. But of course, some people may point out that the ending was more like an opening to something bigger.

The romance was bitter sweet and desperate- reminded me a little of Hazel and Augustus' from The Fault In Our Stars. Though I felt it was rushed every now and again.

Secret for a Song, while was an enjoyable tale about a girl finding the truth and what's right and wrong, still had many flaws which prevented me from completely loving this book.

[Kat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a romance....My first thought on Secret for a Song were, "He’s terminally ill and she hurts herself for attention. If that ain’t dysfunctional I don’t know what is. Toxic relationship...ticking time bomb maybe. And yet, I’m really looking forward to reading this. This has a very different story line. Sounds like it may be a really good one." I was not disappointed!

Opening line: I ate my first needle when I was seven.

Saylor was a new type of YA character for me. I've been exposed to terminally ill and mentally unstable; but never an individual that's unstable to the point of desiring to be constantly ill. The severity of her situation was truly disturbing. I kept wondering why no one would suggest a little white padded room. I needed constant reading fortification and motivation reinforcement to get through this read. This female is seriously sick with the self inflicting harm. She had it down to a science and S.K.Falls didn't skimp on the details. Weak stomachs beware. This is not one to read paired with a lite snack.

The romance was sweet and I wanted so badly for it not to have been built on a molehill of lies. This novel completely shattered my expectations on "the perfect guy". Drew was a perfect gentleman and swoon worthy lead even with his ailment. It was heartbreaking to know he had a very short winded clock ticking above his head like a dark cloud threatening rain. Every stolen moment was precious and I was constantly on edge praying that his time wasn't cut prematurely. I was selfishly invested in this couple hoping that Saylor's lie continued just so the relationship would never end.

For the most part the supporting cast were developed. However, I would have liked the mother and father's actions to be further explored. They were the enablers and possibly source of Saylor's condition, so I was curious of how and why they got so disconnected.

Overall this story was so very real for me. The lines of fiction were blurred; and I was able to fully escape diving in completely! Saylor was manipulative and broken....and crying out for help. Drew was broken and dying slowly...and yet he was her knight in shinny armor. Secret for a Song emphasizes that love blooms anywhere. And love heals....even the most broken elements in us. The ending was bitter sweet and is sure to not leave my memory anytime soon.

*I received a complementary copy of this novel for an honest review.

[1-Click Addict Support Group · Rating 5 out of 5]

Did you see that blurb? How can you read that and not want to click this one immediately?! And you know what, it's well worth it. I loved this book!

Saylor wants to die. Well, not really, but she likes the attention she gets when she's sick. It's the only time her parents notice she's there. She plots and plots how she can get sick. Swallowing a needle was just her first foray into her facetious disorder. Her shrink suggests maybe she should volunteer at the hospital. Well, the lightbulb goes off for Saylor! She can volunteer and expose herself to all sorts of sick people. Only she wasn't expecting to make a group full of terminally ill friends. They all think she's sick, dying, like them. And she's getting the attention she so desperately wants. Only now there's a boy, Drew. She's falling for him but their entire relationship is based on a lie.

One Last Song has a bit of a Fault In Our Stars vibe to it. While it's similar, being that it takes place in a support group, the story itself is quite unique. It delves deep into Munchausen's Syndrome, and it's fascinating. This is one of those books that you have to read if you're in the mood to move away from the classic cookie cutter romance. I simply adored this book.

Told in Saylor's first person account, I recommend this standalone book. It's a bit emotional, but not in an ugly cry way. CS Falls wraps this story up beautifully and I, for one, will be on the lookout for more work by her. ~ Erin, 5 Stars

[Kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

There really are very few words that I can use to describe just how incredible this book was. It was so unique, I have definitely never read anything like it. I usually read books for the romance, I want a mind-blowing, earth shattering love with an incredible HAE. Did I get that in Secret for a Song? No. Did it matter? Absolutely not. This book is really not a romance. It's a story about pain, lies and deceit and ultimately overcoming all of that.

As you can see from the blurb, Saylor Garson is quite the character. I've never read a book with somebody like her - so vile. There really isn't much to like about her BUT at the same time.. all I could think was "It really isn't surprising that this girl is the way she is." and it is so true. So not only is her home life so awful, thanks to her less than caring parents but she is also suffering from Munchausen Syndrome. I don't know much about that particular syndrome, but I had heard of it and was so interested to read a book surrounding it.

"Seeing the worry on the doctors' and nurses' faces was a glourious, religious experience."


Most of the things that Saylor does in this book is questionable. How is this person even human? Honestly, at times I was so disgusted with her that I didn't know how I could relate to her. And then all of a sudden I could.. because her life was just so lacking, it wasn't surprising to me that she had to grab attention in any way that she could. "To me, it seemed an unfathomable luxury to be a cancer patient." I had to walk away when I read this line because really, what is there to say/think about that? Not a lot.

This book had some truly incredible, inspirational characters. As I said, the book really isn't a romance but there is a romance story there. Without giving anything away, Saylor meets a guy in a group, he is suffering an illness that will eventually leave him unable to talk and walk. I hate to say that I didn't believe in their relationship at all but I could see why it was important to the story. Having said all of that, I loved Drew's character and just wanted everything to work out for him.. of course that was impossible and I appreciated the author not sugar coating anything.

"I was falling for this scared, lonely, broken, brave man who sang songs about secrets."


As I said up the top, in my reads I really want a HAE for my characters. I'm not going to lie, there is not one in this story as such, definitely not one we are all used to in our reads. I'd say that individually these characters get their HAE, but together? Not so much right now. As well as this, I am a huge sucker for an epilogue, I've said it a thousand times, so when I got to the end of this book and there wasn't one, I thought I'd be disappointed but it turned out I wasn't. Everything was cleared up so perfectly that including an epilogue would have actually been an injustice to the story.

♪ "I'll tell you a secret, I'll sell you a secret for a song,
Someday I'll tell you, and take you back home where you belong." ♪

*Reviewing for The Hopeless Romantics Book Blog as part of the 'One Last Song' blog tour.*

[Madeleine Knutsson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Det här är en av de första böckerna jag fick ifrån sidan Netgalley så snabbt som bara ögat slängde jag mig över den här boken och blev skapligt förvånad över hur bra den faktiskt var.
Det här dock inte min typ av bok, jag tycker om böcker med mer action/fantasy/paranormal så därför fick inte boken högre betyg men den var ändå så pass bra att jag inte kunde sluta läsa. För den är inte dålig, det är den verkligen inte - helt klart läsvärd!

Trodde från början att boken skulle handla om en sångare eller i alla fall något mer med musik men så var det inte. Secret for a Song är istället Saylor och Drews sång, om ni vill lyssna på låten kan ni klicka här. Borde kanske ha förstått det efter ha läst om vad boken handla om, men jag har lärt mig att inte riktigt lyssna på baksidan.

Boken tar upp viktiga ämnen som får en att tänka om. Det var vid flertal tillfällen jag stannade upp mitt läsande för att tänka efter vad jag skulle göra om jag var i samma skor som Saylor. På tal om Saylor som är huvudpersonen i den här boken så vet jag inte om jag tycker om henne för den hon är eller om jag bara tycker synd om henne. Hennes familjesituation är så hemsk så jag förstår nästan varför hon blev som hon blev. Men samtidigt tycker jag det är jobbigt hur mycket hon ljuger och döljer för Drew. Det är meningen att du ska älska honom och du ljuger för honom och undanhåller en sådan stor hemlighet. Dock efter ha läst slutet förstår jag varför hon gjorde det, mitt hjärta brast och jag bara grät och grät som bara den.

Den här boken påminde mig väldigt mycket om John Greens The Fault in Our Stars och jag tror att fans till den boken kommer uppskatta den här boken väldigt mycket. Även fast det här var inte en bok som jag vanligtvis brukar läsa så är jag otroligt glad och tacksam över att ha läst den. Det här är inte en bok man glömmer i första taget.

[Kim at Divergent Gryffindor · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actual rating: 3.5

If you've been following/reading my reviews for this past few months, you may know that I've been quite fascinated by mental illnesses recently. I've had this book on my Kindle for a while now, but only decided to read this after my recent fascination. I must say, it was a pretty great and interesting read.

Secret for a Song is about Saylor, who has Munchhausen's disease, meaning she deliberately makes herself sick in order to gain attention. Now I know this might sound really weird and most of us will be quick to judge. Who wants to be sick, right? This is why I was so glad that the author, S.K. Falls, decided to write about this topic and I really enjoyed learning more about Munchhausen's in this book. Of course, I don't really know what people with Munchhausen's are thinking, but through this book, I can somehow understand them a little better.

Secret for a Song is not only a great book because of the topic that it discussed, but it also has a pretty amazing story. More than Munchhausen's, there were also some other diseases like FA, cancer and AIDS. And more than diseases, this book is about friendship, family, living life to the fullest and acceptance.

I really enjoyed the story in this book, and I loved how it unraveled. I liked how the story progressed and even though I didn't like what happened in the end, I felt like it was a pretty great ending.

Although there were some things that I think wasn't explained well enough or felt like loose ends, it became easy for me to overlook some of those things. What I really didn't like though was how it was not explained what happened to her friendship with the rest of the people from the group besides Drew. No one else was mentioned after the "confession" was made, and I hated that.

I really enjoyed this book and I recommend people to read this for the story and insight on Munchhausen's disease.

[✿kawehi.reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Secret For A Song" is not a light read. It's very deep and centers around heavy topics and issues.

Saylor, what a cool name btw, basically hurts herself to gain attention. How messed up is that?

She has no support system or foundation so she goes through extremes to try to receive love and care since deep down she's lonely and uncared for. I could really feel myself reeling for Saylor and her deep detachment from the one person who is supposed to love and care for her the most.

When she is mistaken to be a member of a local support group for terminal diseases, Saylor feels as if her existence finally makes sense or matters to people for once in her life and also experiences feelings of first love with the leader of the group, Drew.

But what will happen when Saylor's secrets and lies are revealed? How will the ones she's grown such a heavy bond with react to her? What will happen with her budding relationship with Drew? And most of all, what will become of Saylor?

"Secret For A Song" is a brilliant and emotional read with lovely themes of love, dreams, and hope, as well as claiming/making something of yourself on your own.


I received ARC via NetGallery in exchange for an honest review.

[Missy Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great book.

I didn't really know what to expect, but this was a really great read for me. I liked all the characters (particularly Drew...sigh), and though Saylor's immaturity got on my nerves at times I understood why she was the way she was.

My only gripe was the ending, because I wanted more closure with her and Drew.

[Sleepless in Chicago · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a puddle of tears at the end of this book. I felt for Saylor, I felt for Drew, hell, I even felt for Saylor's Mom who could be viewed as a heartless bitch.

"People with fictitious disorders, of which Munchausen is the severest, don't actually want to die. What we're looking for is to establish an identity, to hopefully find sympathy or love or whatever in the eyes of our loved ones."

Saylor has Munchausen Syndrome, meaning she makes herself sick. She'll take more Tylenol pills than what is safe, she'll inject herself with saliva to give herself infections, anything to make her Mom take her to the doctor. If she's lucky, she'll have to get admitted to the hospital, which is usually her ultimate goal. She does this because her relationship with her mother is strained and her father is always away on business.

"I'd always had a fascination with people who got sick the natural way - because of a chance mutation in their genes, or because their cels were created with a ticking time bomb nestled between them. What would that be like? To wander around with a justified reason to be angry at the world? It was a luxury I couldn't begin to imagine."

Since Munchausen's is a psychological disorder, Saylor sees a therapist. During one of her sessions, to get her therapist to stop talking, she mentions that she is going to volunteer at a hospital. She then sees it as an opportunity to gain access to medical supplies, medical supplies that she can use to make herself sick.

Because her therapist knows of her disorder, he arranges for her to have no access to any medical part of the hospital. She is assigned to set up the rooms for various support groups. That's when she sees the TIDD group, a group for people with terminal illnesses and degenerative diseases. The group mistakenly assumes she is a member, and Saylor, who loves the attention she gets when she is sick, decides to play along.

"I already had my first love. Disease. I didn't need a boy."

She meets Drew Dean, who has a degenerative disease of his own and is completely drawn to him. She finally feels accepted by the other people in the group. They ask her to hang out with them and for someone who always had a hard time making friends, she couldn't resist playing the part of a sick person.

"I was the sunflower to his sun, following his ever movement. The intensity of it all scared me a little. What was it about this boy? What was happening?"

The more time she spends with Drew, the further she falls for him. She falls for everyone in the group. They made her feel like she belonged and she didn't want to lose that. But as we all know, all good things must come to an end. What will happen to the friendships she has made once they find out she has been lying to them this entire time. What will happen to her relationship with Drew?

I really liked this story. Drew is completely swoonworthy. He tries to remain positive in spite of the cards life has dealt him. You fall in love with him just as much as Saylor does.

I wanted to hate Saylor, I really did, I couldn't find myself to be able to. Instead I felt bad for her, even though she wasn't really sick, the cards life dealt her weren't any better. A mother's love is supposed to be unconditional, yet she was ignored and belittled by her mother. Her father wasn't any better. He would put on a happy face in front of Saylor but he was always away on business trips. Her parents liked to sweep their problems under the rug instead of dealing with it.

This book broke my heart so many times, but I couldn't put it down.

I really liked this book. This book isn't your typical romance story. It's a story about dealing with the negative parts of life. It's a story about the bonds of friendship and how much they can survive.

[Patrycja · Rating 5 out of 5]

Secret for a Song it's first book by S.K Falls I've ever read, so I can honestly say I didn't have any idea what to expect. I only knew that blurb looked interesting in 'out-of-the-moon' way. I mean I have never heard about people who like to be sick and are hurting themselves in this way. After reading the premise I thought I have to read it. Period. I'm very curios creature so I always poke my nose in variety of situations and lots of them involve me reading books that are out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I hate them and myslef for being stupid enough to buy it and read it but for time to time I can find a hidden gem. I can confess I've done it again and I'm very happy to announce that Secret for a Song is a rough diamond.

Secret of a Song is a story about Saylor Greyson mentally ill nineteen year old who suffers from Munchausen Syndrome you can read more about it here. From the day she swallowed needle she's obsessed with diseases. She's like medical encyclopedia! She finds variety of ways to make herself sick. She catches pneumonia infections, she poisons herself and so on. She's hurting herself for attention, love and closure, and probably most of you will hate her and think she's twisted and sick. And it will be the truth.

"For someone like me, who wore disease like a well-loved sweater, it was important to analyze the cost-benefit ratio of amount of effort required to get disease versus how long the disease lasted. And, of course, how severe it could potentially get. There was a science to it all."


"Seeing the worry on the doctors' and nurses' faces was a glourious, religious experience."

"I thought about the weird parallels between my life and that of a
junkie’s. We both closed ourselves into the bathroom first thing in the morning, syringe gripped in our sweaty little hands like it might be the nectar to life we’d been searching for. We stabbed ourselves willingly for a momentary high, for that rush that made life less boring, made it more like something we’d been promised by a steady diet of angst-y teen drama on TV."


Her Psychiatrist Dr. Stone gives her opportunity for volunteering at hospital, something she always dreamed to do, but of course she couldn't do anything that involved being near medical equipment. So Saylor started helping with preparations for supportive group meetings.

And this way she meets TIDD group, a bunch of young people her age who are terminally ill.

At the beginning it's like experiment for her, she starts lying and spending time with people who has something's she's jealous of - disease.

At the beginning I hated Saylor I thought she was selfish little brat and I was disgusted by her actions, but after a while I started to understand her.

Secret for a Song broke my heart and made me cry.

This book is a must read for every fan of The Fault in our Stars. It's a story that will blow your mind, make you cry and hurt along with charaters. It shows how fragile is true life and how understimated are people who suffer from diseases.


For more of my reviews, check out:

[Zoe and the Edge · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked feeling powerless and sick and diseased.

The plot is interesting no doubt about it but when Saylor starts doing horrible things to herself I seriously wondered if I could stomach through a whole book of self-harm. I was holding my breath, and wore a perpetual cringe on my face. It's ghastly. Fortunately, her experiences with the support group help her focus on other things besides hurting herself.
Saylor has so much emotional and mental torment, I felt exhausted reading about it. It was good though. The author makes Saylor's thought process believable. I mean, normally I wouldn't be able to swallow a statement like this.

I’d give just about anything to be in a wheelchair, to be the very symbol of handicap...the things my dreams were made of.

Saylor feels neglected and overlooked. The only way she has ever managed to hold her mother's attention is when she's sick. So that's what she does.

Seeing the worry on the doctors’ and nurses’ faces was a glorious, religious experience.

She'll go so far even to make/fake sickness. Her mother's constant calmness annoys the hell out of her.
Saylor wants a reaction. She's cynical and sneering and doesn't care about anything but hurting herself. At the same time, she is so lost and naïve about relationships and her family. Her every thought is consumed with how to get hurt and stay hurt.

It's a difficult book but I was definitely captivated. The ending felt a bit random but I suppose there had to be a bit of an explanation as to why Saylor's mother is such a mannequin.

[Just a person · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a unique premise, I have never read a book about Munchhausen's and didn't know much about it, so it was awesome to get into her head and experience a new perspective and learn about a mental illness.
I liked the friends she met from the support group, and even though I knew that things would collapse around her because of her lies and carefully constructed house of cards. I did want more of how she made herself sick and the emotions behind it but it was a good thing to get the emotions from those who are sick not by choice. I think that being around that amount of sickness and impending death really led to her healing more than anything else. It began as jealousy that they were really sick but then it morphed into something else entirely.
I understood little by little why she did what she did, and it was hard relating with that type of personality because I don't have any of that life experience, but I could empathize. Because I know pain, fear of abandonment, wanting to fit in, I just don't process the same way.
There is romance in this one, and it was sweet for the most part. It was just hard because like the friendships above, it is built on lies, and you know it can't end sweetly.
I felt like the ending was rushed a bit, and I wanted there to be a little more something. I liked the overall ending message and the note that it left on of hope and change though.

Bottom Line: Dark and gritty adventure into the mind of a girl who hurts herself for attention.

[Farah Hanani · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started the first 10% of this book, I thought "This is the worst mistake of my life", but I stayed strong and continued on with the gross scenes and MY RESOLUTION WAS PAID. This was the BEST DECISION EVER! Because this, this masterpiece, need to be read by everyone.

I was so fascinated with the characters. Especially Saylor. It felt weird being in her head. Because for someone who would give anything not to feel pain, this girl I'm reading right now, would give anything to feel sick and pain. I wrapped my head around her logic. It was just so fascinating seeing her compare her pain with others. Like, her character is so messed-up and fucked-up but I COULD understand her.

All of the characters felt so original. And the way the plot progresses... like, I couldn't predict what happens next. Which is kind of rare for a contemporary book. I don't know where will Saylor take me next. This book was about cancer but it wasn't sad. In fact, the book is so bright you forgot that you're actually reading a book about cancer. The characters weren't cynical about their disease. They didn't embrace their disease either but they didn't let their disease weigh them down.

I swear, if it wasn't for the writing style, I wouldn't have continued on with this story. The writing itself is beautiful. I felt the pain and all of the emotions she felt.

By the end of the book, I was left with a whirlwind of emotions. Like, this book left me so emotional and the whole book was so freaking good.

[Valery Tikappa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Purtroppo per la prima metá il libro non mi ha presa al 100%. Anzi, Saylor mi è sembrata profondamente immatura, e non tanto per la sindrome che ha quanto per lo più per l'atteggiamento che mantiene con chiunque. Si sente in diritto di criticare madre e padre (per caritá, criticabili al massimo) ma è come indicare la pagliuzza negli occhi degli altri e non rendersi contro della trave nel proprio occhio.
L'unica nota positiva, per la prima metá del romanzo, sono stati Drew e Zee, personaggi positivi al massimo nonostante le loro condizioni.
Da metá, Saylor migliora ma rimane comunque codarda e vigliacca, situazione da cui riuscirá a scrollarsi, ma nemmeno per mano sua.
Quindi sì, libro carino, che si legge, ma alla sua chiusura non mi ha lasciato nulla. Come se fosse incompleto.
Non so, non è un brutto libro, ma nemmeno un libro che si infila in ogni angolo di una persona. Almeno secondo me!

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book wasn't what I was expecting, but exactly what I needed to read. One of the freshest voices I've read in some time with a completely original premise.

The heroine is troubled with a serious and long-lasting case of Munchausen syndrome. This is not glossed over in the slightest, and it makes for a compelling and sometimes unlikable character. She is self-aware enough to despise what she does, but that can't erase her very real mental illness.

The hero a very special, wonderful guy with a degenerative illness. The only caveat is that it's not a romance, more coming of age. However I didn't mind and for an HEA junkie like me, that's saying a lot.

I would highly recommend this book, which deals honestly with very difficult issues. Thought provoking and unexpectedly uplifting.

[Caroline · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well this was definitely not my best read. For the very beginning I knew I didn't like it but wanted to keep reading to see what would happen. All the things that happened in the first half and you didn't get to meet the hero who was drew until half way through. I liked drew and all his friends from the book and felt sorry for them for what was happening. at least some of the book made me smile xx

[Sarahdactyl ♥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

♥ Find my reviews here: Literary Meanderings

- - -

3.5 stars

Munchausen syndrome: a psychiatric factitious disorder wherein those affected feign disease, illness, or psychological trauma to draw attention, sympathy, or reassurance to themselves.

19-year-old Saylor Grayson has Munchausen syndrome. Ever since she can remember, she's embraced sickness and pain so that her parents would show her attention and dote on her. Swallowing needles. Injecting saliva into her body to gain infection. Ingesting massive amounts of Tylenol to sicken herself. Things that would make anyone cringe—all in hopes of being hospitalized for the attention of her emotionally-unavailable mother and a father who is constantly away on business.

Upon meeting with her most recent therapist, Saylor is asked, if she could do anything in the world in that moment, what it'd be. To pacify her therapist, she tells him that she'd volunteer at the hospital (with the idea of gaining access to medical supplies to help make herself sick). With the help of her newest therapist, Saylor is set up with a volunteer position just four days later—she will be helping set up and break down the rooms for support group meetings.

It's here that Saylor meets Drew Dean. He is part of the Terminal Illness and Degenerative Diseases support group (TIDD group). Upon seeing Saylor reading a book on Multiple Sclerosis, Drew assumes she is the newest member of the TIDD group; Saylor doesn't correct him. When the group asks what disease she's living with, she simply says “MS” - and the biggest deception of her life begins.

- - -

Secret for a Song made me feel many different things; shocked, annoyed, sympathetic, grateful.

I had no trouble getting into this book. It takes off quickly and keeps up a nice pace.

My problem lies in the small glimpses we get of Saylor's Munchausen syndrome. I don't want to get spoilery but, throughout the book, she only makes herself sick twice. In one instance, she just seems to have the flu or something similar. The more severe things she's done were in the past, and just vaguely mentioned via inner musing. I wasn't expecting her to be half-dead for most of the book, but I think it could've used a teensy bit more in the present just so we could get a true feel for her syndrome.

As far as the characterization of Saylor goes, I think it could've been a little better. I had trouble liking Saylor at first. I didn't see what Drew saw in her. She's pretty. She's nice. But why did he fall for her? I just feel like I missed something. It took me until about 2/3 through to finally feel like I knew and understood Saylor enough to like her. Her personality doesn't come out until AFTER she and Drew are already together. There wasn't a basis for them getting to that point.

Now, let me tell you what I loved about this book.

First of all, I fell absolutely in love with the people in the TIDD group. They all had such large and interesting personalities. They each had a certain life to them that one wouldn't generally expect from people who know they are going to die sooner than they should. They were so fun and I really enjoyed each and every one of them.

S.K. Falls really did a nice, respectful job of portraying a young woman with Munchausen syndrome. I actually made sure to do a little Googling before I read this to get my facts straight beforehand (According to every reputable medical website I could find, it should be factitious disorder instead of fictitious disorder - minor detail). Munchausen syndrome is something that, like most people, I find hard to grasp. I mean, I understand the basic idea, but as someone who is terrified of hospitals and anything medical-related, I pretty much had my jaw resting on the floor for most of the story. I could just barely wrap my head around it. I was strangely moved by some of Saylor's inner musings on her syndrome.

“I liked feeling powerless and sick and diseased.”

“For someone like me, who wore disease like a well-loved sweater, it was important to analyze the cost-benefit ratio of amount of effort required to get diseased versus how long the disease lasted.”

“If I had a disease that could be as dangerous as diabetes, I'd be much more respectful of its powers. [...] I appreciated disease the way it was meant to be appreciated. I courted it because I worshiped its awesome power.”

“ [...] I already had my first love. Disease. I didn't need a boy.”

I guess I see a sort of poetry in her thoughts. In a way, they are beautiful to me.

The relationship between Saylor and Drew was sweet and moving once it got past the first phases. I appreciated the connection they made, even if on false pretense. I could probably go on about the romance for longer, but I don't see this book as, ultimately, a romance.

To me this book is a view of life and death. Naked; stark. In your face. Secret for a Song carries some heavy themes. It should go without saying, but don't dive into this book with the assumption that all stories have a happy ending, because they don't and you will be disappointed. I appreciated that S.K. Falls didn't fluff out the fact that Drew will die. There isn't any question of that; there is not going to be some miracle cure for his disease. He and Saylor will not live happily-ever-after. They will not get married. They will not have children. This book is not about that. It's a lesson in life. It's a look into some of the sharp corners of humanity and the sad truth that lying can have very hefty consequences. We all make mistakes. We all do things we may regret. It's how you choose to move forward with your life (or death) that makes all the difference. I am so very impressed with this author for taking a risk with her book. This book is a true example of taking the road less traveled.

All in all, I liked this book. Some of the more minor details bothered me, but not enough for me to dislike it, not at all. Because, at it's core, this book is outstanding. When you focus on the details that matter, it's beautiful in its darkness and moving in its realness. It's a stark contrast to 99% of other New Adult books out there right now. It's not centered around sex, love, and happy endings. It brings the life of those with disease into a certain light. It shows you that a lot of them don't want your pity. They don't want your help. They just want you to treat them like you'd treat anyone else. They don't want their disease to define them. S.K. Falls did a great job of getting this fact across.

This book isn't full of plot twists and surprises. It doesn't need to be. It's great all on it's own. The story is one that will make you happy, sad, afraid, and appreciative. It all comes down to what I consider a perfect ending. The ending of this book was my favorite part. It just couldn't, and shouldn't, have gone any other way. I definitely recommend this book, but I do so with a warning. This book does contain some darker themes and could be triggering to some people. So, make sure you don't go into it lightly. :)

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Book source: From the author
Publisher: Self-published

[Romance and Fantasy for Cosmopolitan Girls · Rating 5 out of 5]

Romance and Fantasy for Cosmopolitan Girls
Esistono libri in grado di farti passare il tempo con un sorriso sul volto, quei libri che prendi fra le mani quando hai bisogno di svago, e Libri, come questo, che ti portano a riflettere sulla vita, a versare lacrime via via che le pagine si susseguono mentre nella tua testa cerchi di vedere le cose con una prospettiva diversa. Penso siano proprio questi ultimi che ti portano a crescere, a maturare, quelle opere che, in qualche modo, ti fanno rivivere i ricordi con i tuoi cari, o almeno questo è quello che è successo a me.

Saylor, nonostante i suoi diciotto anni, combatte ogni giorno una battaglia contro le sue difese immunitarie, una guerra continua che la porta ad attraversare le porte degli ospedali, alla ricerca perenne di nuovi disturbi da infliggersi, incurante del dolore o dei rischi a cui, un domani, potrebbe andare incontro.
Clinicamente in questo caso parliamo di Sindrome di Münchhausen, ossia di un'invenzione ripetitiva di una malattia fisica (in genere acuta, teatrale e persuasiva), da parte di una persona che vaga da un ospedale all'altro per farsi curare.
Questo è ciò che han diagnosticato alla ragazza all'età ormai di diciotto anni ma i cui sintomi iniziavano già a vedersi dall'età di sette, quando per la prima volta la nostra bambina aveva ingoiato un ago.
Cosa porta, una persona, a ridursi in questo modo? Le cause spesso son da cercare nel background familiare e, in questo caso, si nota a primo acchito che qualcosa non va, partendo da una madre rinchiusa in un mondo a sé, dove nulla conta se non se stessa, che riserva alla figlia solo frecciatine e punzecchiature, altamente ricambiate, fingendo di ferire l'altra in maniera involontaria.
Il padre invece? Perennemente in viaggio, talmente assente nella vita della sua piccola che lei stessa ammette che quel filo che lega i genitori ai figli, sembra via via destinato a sfilacciarsi sempre più.


Per tutta la mia vita avevo agito in maniera cauta,
non avevo mai permesso che si creasse un'amicizia,
non avevo mai lasciato capire quanto avessi bisogno di mia madre.
L'unica cosa in cui mi ero dilettata senza limiti era la malattia.

Così, sotto consiglio del suo psicologo si trova a fare volontariato nel Gramercy, un ospedale privato vicino a casa dei suoi genitori.
Sarà proprio qui che la storia subirà una svolta epocale, poiché sarà in quel complesso che la ragazza conoscerà i ragazzi del gruppo MTMD e, per essere accettata, si inventerà di avere la sclerosi multipla. Un acronimo bizzarro che riflette però uno specchio della vita, vista proprio tramite alcuni ragazzi. Zee, una fanciulla con il tumore al seno ormai incurabile; Carson, un ragazzo con una leucemia prolinfocita alle cellule T; Pierce, un ragazzo ormai affetto da tempo di AIDS; Jack, un ragazzo costretto a letto, affetto da un tumore in faseterminale ai polmoni e, dulcis in fundo, con un'encefalite come complicazione. Ed infine Andrew Dean, affetto da Atassia di Friedreich.
Ora, perché son scesa nel dettaglio dicendovi che cosa ha ognuno di loro?
Amo ogni cosa abbia attinenza con la medicina e leggendo le prospettive di vita di questi ragazzi, il cuore nel petto si è stretto in una morsa dolorosa, al punto che le lacrime mi scivolavano sulle guance con una facilità disarmante, soprattutto di fronte alla loro forza nel non abbattersi, nel non fare della loro malattia la loro vita.


Quando Drew mi mise le mani sulle guance,
la mia pelle circondata dalla sua, mi chiesi come mai non lo avessimo fatto fin dall'inizio.
Mi sembrò del tutto naturale.
Quando le sue labbra trovarono le mie,
muovendosi prima dolcemente e poi con maggiore foga mentre le mie labbra si aprivano,
mi convinsi che quello non fosse il nostro primo bacio.
E mi convinsi che quel non-primo bacio, familiare, bello, perfetto, non fosse sbagliato.
Mi convinsi di meritarmelo.

Andrew è un guerriero, un combattente fino alla fine, non vuole dare nessuna vittoria facile alla sua malattia, non vuole che lo condizioni al punto che nemmeno sarà più in grado di muovere i propri arti, di parlare o, ancora più importante, non riuscirà più a vivere la musica come sinora ha fatto.
Il brutto di certe malattia è questo, son talmente infide che all'inizio non pensi sia nulla di serio, nulla che una buona dormita non riesca a risolvere. Quando però vedi che quello che hai creduto un nulla, invece, continua a ripetersi, non puoi che incrociare le dita e sperare che non sia nulla di così grave, nulla di incurabile.
Purtroppo in quel gruppo di sostegno tutti hanno una clessidra sopra alla testa, che scandisce inesorabilmente il loro tempo e, talvolta, per mano di un fato crudele, fa scendere i chicchi più velocemente, al punto da accorciare i tempi di mesi, di anni.

La vita è un bene prezioso e talvolta, alla fila per la distribuzione della fortuna e della salute, qualcuno non è stato chiamato, perché non c'è altra spiegazione per certe cose che accadono, non esiste e basta.
Ed è proprio questa la consapevolezza che via via si fa strada nel cuore di Saylor, assieme alla certezza che il cuore non sceglie chi amare, succede e basta. E se il suo amore ha scritto il nome Drew, lei farà in modo che questo amore continui a vivere per quel ragazzo, insieme all'amore di lui per lei.
Raramente si trovano amori facili, il cui lieto fine viene scritto con incredibile velocità. Non esistono amori in cui le due metà si vedono negli occhi e, zac, innamorati cotti.

L'amore è bello perché complicato, è stupendo nelle sue sfumature, dolce quando serve ma al contempo forte come una roccia. E se il tempo non ti permette novant'anni di felicità o giù di lì, poco importa, vorrà dire che si dovrà essere più forti, ma si avrà vissuto con la consapevolezza di aver vissuto al massimo quell'amore che ha incrociato il nostro cammino fino alla fine.
Come dissi, però, questo non è solo il romanzo d'amore, ma anche un libro che parla di crescita, di valori e di coraggio, perché questo, a volta, sembra mai bastare.

E' semplice dire di star per morire per essere accettata da persone nella medesima situazione, ma quando il fardello della bugia si fa sempre più grande, cosa succede alle ali di un amore che ha appena imparato a volare? Alle fondamenta di un amicizia che via via diventa sempre più profonda? Al castello di carte che costituisce tutta la sua famiglia? Perché in quest'ultimo caso si vede che le cose non dette devono essere molte, se i risultati son quelli rappresentati dalla quotidianità della ragazza.


"Ehi". Aprii gli occhi e vidi la sua testa abbassata verso la mia. "Stai bene?"
Scacciai in fretta le lacrime. "Sì, sto bene."
"Io ti sono al fianco, Greyson" disse, baciandomi la fronte con dolcezza.
Ti sono al fianco. Non avevo mai sentito parole tanto belle.