The Book of Counted Sorrows

by Dean Koontz

In the author's The Book of Counted Sorrows, being the mind-bending, heart-stopping, bowel-freezing, spleen-tickling history of the most dangerous book of poetry ever written, including the text of the cursed book itself, with the prayer that God will protect you from a spontaneous head explosion (and even worse potential fates) if you dare read it.

Genres: Horror, Poetry, Fiction, Thriller, Ebooks, Collections, Mystery Thriller

72 pages, ebook

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Acknowledged as "America's most popular suspense novelist" (Rolling Stone) and as one of today's most celebrated and successful writers, Dean Ray Koontz has earned the devotion of millions of readers around the world and the praise of critics everywhere for tales of character, mystery, and adventure that strike to the core of what it means to be human.

Dean, the author of many #1 New York Times bestsellers, lives in Southern California with his wife, Gerda, their golden retriever, Elsa, and the enduring spirit of their goldens, Trixie and Anna.

Facebook: Facebook.com/DeanKoontzOfficial
Twitter: @DeanKoontz
Website: DeanKoontz.com

Reviews

[Jessi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely not what I expected, but I enjoyed the book none-the-less. Koontz starts out this book with a satirical and sarcastic history of the "rarest" book, that being The Book of Counted Sorrows, of which there is only one true book that he keeps safe from librarians, thieves, and politicians.

After a very long, drawn out, much distracting and digressive history, we are presented with less than 12 pages of the actual prose.

The poetry contained none that I remember him quoting in his books (as The Book of Counted Sorrows was probably the most quoted at the beginning of every Koontz book), and not as profound as I expected. But it was good, some of it was thought-provoking - and one of them hit home with me (I'll be copying it and posting it somewhere, I'm sure).

If you're a Koontz fan, this book is definitely a treat.

[bobby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've always loved how Dean Koontz would add the poetry before some of the chapters throughout his novels. I, like others, kept searching for this 'The Book of Counted Sorrows' which never existed at one time. I'm glad he has put together an actual book.

[SilveringOfRose · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I heard about this book I was so thrilled I did the excited little girl squeal (not scream) that one normally associates with pigtails and puppies, or chocolate cake and dancing unicorns.

Finally , I was going to read the words that inspired the words that inspired more than a few hours of fantasies, and gave birth to the very first book I ever reread. Religiously . At least once a year. Sometimes more. There were also a number of nightmares. Not the gory ones - I have Stephen King to thank for those. The book, in case you were wondering, was Lightning.

If you have not read it, then do so. Then tell me that you too don't spend hours upon hours longing for a guardian angel who announces his arrival with a thunderous crack of the heavens and a blazing bolt of electricity. And the other bit near the end, the business with Churchill I mean, that's just a bonus.

But I am tangenting. Again. I tend to do that. In any case. Finally, one day when I had only a short while of spare time that needed filling, I decided to read The Book of Counted Sorrows.

I made a massive mug of steaming coffee (three sugars and milk thank you very much, none of that other flavoured rubbish for me), tossed a bowl of freshly popped corn with a generous amount (read: a lot) of icing sugar (don't knock it till you've tried it), tucked my favourite quillow (this is hands-down the best invention in the universe) around my purple polka dot onesie-clad self, cracked the cover (okay there was no cracking - I have the ebook) and began to read.

And...I have never been so delightfully disappointed in all my life. Because this is most definitely NOT the Book of Counted Sorrows that I was expecting. Instead, it is a 50-page retelling of how the book came to be guarded by Dean Koontz, supernaturally alert and lightning-quick Ninja assassins, 7-foot watermelon smuggling guards, genetically engineered two-hundred-pound pit bulls and a few attorneys.

There are just a dozen pages of prose, right there at the end. Some of them I recognised. Others that I hoped to see were nowhere to be found. The one from Strangers for example (the very first Dean Koontz I ever read and thus eminently memorable). Koontz accounts for the fact that there are missing pieces by claiming that he left out two poems

"... with the hope of preventing you from grinding up as sags of disgusting emulsified tissue on the ceiling of your library,..."

Because apparently, that is the fate of those who owned this slim volume before him. Well unless they became butter or ate themselves inside out ( shudder ). Or some other terrible fate. Who is J. Chandler Witherspoon by the way? Koontz holds the man in particular contempt and I would love to know how he ended up as one of the people on the

"list of people I wouldn't mind seeing emulsified and pasted to ceilings in their various residences, though I'm too discreet to provide that list here."

I can't help but be glad that he didn't publish the actual Book of Sorrows though. Because as soon as I heard he had, I couldn't help thinking that now he was trapped. He would have to find words to fit into his future book or chapter intros from within these pages for all the rest of time. Which would obviously cause some trouble. Because these kinds of things are often inspired by things you haven't experienced yet.

I for one never believed the Book of Counted Sorrows was an already published tome of dark and twisty thoughts. Instead, I always thought of it as a side project that gets added to a little at a time, all while going about the business of living life. I fully expected it to be published many years after Koontz had passed on to join the other literary masters who are no more. He is a master you know (although poetry does not quite seem to be his forte). Love him or hate him, you have to admit that Dean Koontz can do things with words on paper that seem to be a little mystical, possible divine and definitely otherworldly in nature.

But now the book is done. I've read it. Some of it was awful, some of it was exasperating (just get to the point already!), some of it made me think deep thoughts, and some of it resonated on a level that made me believe the words had been plucked from my own mind (that's a sign of brilliance by the way - when a poet can do that). One of them was this little gem.

The Mask
 
Evil is no faceless stranger
Living in a distant neighborhood.
Evil has a wholesome, hometown face
With merry eves and an open smile.
Evil walks among us, wearing a mask
That looks like all our faces.

I've had a thing about the masks people wear for a very long time. It has gotten me into quite a bit of trouble over the years. Because these masks that I know are there make me automatically assume every person I meet is an asshole of the highest calibre. I am never impolite nor outride rude (usually), but I wouldn't trust anyone as far as I can throw them. And I'm a featherweight so there are very few people I can throw any distance at all! When it turns out I'm right, I am never hurt or disappointed. When it turns out that I'm wrong, I am pleasantly surprised. I think it makes me a happier person overall. Others disagree.

In any case, you will love it or you will hate it. Read it anyway. Because it is, as I said, delightfully disappointing.

[Jaden · Rating 4 out of 5]

The only reason I am giving 4.5 stars out of 5 is because I kept thinking "if only it were longer..."

I began reading this book with no - good - expectations whatsoever. Rather I thought it would be a cheesy book about badly written poetry as means for further profit for the author. Thankfully, I was proved wrong - hell yeah!

Koontz's peculiar sense of humor shone once more throughout the entirety of The Book of Counted Sorrows. The so-called "intro" was in fact an ironic, fictitious short story regarding the Koontz manor and its' beloved, highly esteemed and slightly demented staff, as well as the previous owners of The Book of Counted Sorrows and their lives - or should I say ...endings ? Something absolutely absurd and yet hilarious in its' precariousness. The characters reminded me of another Adams family with no telling whether they acted out of good or ill will. What made the book even more entertaining was the way it was written, making the reader feel as if they're having a direct chit chat - although admittedly a tad "off" - with the author, instead of reading a simple piece of paper.

As for the poetry, it was 'food' for further thought and further unraveling of the author's stories. We're certainly not dealing with a masterpiece of modern literature, but rather every word - even the ones that were clearly used just to help the rhymes - served their purpose whatever that was.

I doubt I've come across another book similar to this one. It'd be difficult afterall with it being so preposterous, yet so full of wits. A must-read title by an author who's proved he can write whatever he sets his mind onto, and not just a specific genre. Sincere kudos to Mr. D.R.Koontz and to all those who can get and appreciate his oddly marvelous sense of humor.

[Lora · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I had paid a large sum of money to buy the limited-edition book (instead of borrowing the e-book from the library,) I would be really pissed off right now.

As it stands, I am really just dumbfounded. Close to 75% of this book was a convoluted introduction/history of the book. The poetry was mostly a bad joke-not all of it, a few were quite good.

I'm giving one star for Mr. Koontz's use of extremely long sentences.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

So I read this not really expecting much if I am perfectly honest. Don't get me wrong, I do love Koontz but poetry really isn't my thing. However, the 'introduction' and history of The Book of Counted Sorrows is what made me give this 5 stars. I thought the book was hilarious (which probably says more about me then I mean it to) and was definitely a light read compared to his suspense novels. A great change of pace.
It didn't make me a fan of poetry though :D

[Damaris]

can anybody tell me if can download it, i rlly do not wanna pay over $700 for it! plz n thank u!

[Traci Kismarton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shockingly funny. I expected it to be dark and creepy, but it turns out Koontz has a broader writing style than I ever expected. So great.

[Robert Beveridge · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dean Koontz, The Book of Counted Sorrows (Barnes and Noble Digital, 2001)

First, as to The Book of Counted Sorrows itself: spare yourself the pain and indignity. “Doggerel” is too kind a word for how ugly the poetry to be found in here is. The verse here is on the stylistic and artistic level of a Helen Steiner Rice or a Rod McKuen (both of whom, actually, have a right to feel offended by the comparison). It might make for good acoustic folk music by a particularly enthusiastic, but talentless, guitarist at an open mike night after one too many glasses of absinthe.

What makes this worth reading, to some small extent, is the introduction to the book, twenty-two thousand words of purely sophomoric humor that nevertheless manages to endear. This is Koontz as we've not seen him in many, many years, with an acerbic, self-deprecating wit that harks back at times to the best of his early science fiction writing. Certainly not literature for the ages, but the prose, at least, is somewhat amusing. **

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not giving a five star only because of the forward. I know, I know it was intentionally comical and irksome but did it have to be 36 pages of the nonsense? But I loved the poetry! Dean Kootnz has a dark side that is interesting and lyrical. I had wanted to read this book forever (like over 15 years now) but I waited, hoping to get my hands on an actual published copy. It's a rare and expensive find tho and today I just gave into the free read online.

"Darkness devours every shining day.
Darkness demands and always has it's way.
Darkness listens, watches and waits.
Darkness claims the day and celebrates.
Sometimes in silence darkness comes.
Sometimes with a gleeful banging of the drums."

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

What a letdown! I loved the poetry, but by the time I got to it I hated this book. I love Dean Koontz, but I can only take so much of his 'humor' at a time. The 'Introduction' was horrid, and was 1/2 of the book, that's not an intro. I want my $30.00 back.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I kept encountering poetic snippets in Koontz books from this "book" and was disappointed to learn it didn't exist. Then it was published so I had to get a copy!

[Cindy Huskey · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Among those 3,000 letters a year, a few hundred were from librarians, who had often spent ten or twenty hours - or, in the case of several dangerously obsessive types, even a hundred or two hundred hours - searching for this rare book without success, at the request of their patrons. In his inimitable and gracious way, Basil explained to each that (1) Counted Sorrows is the rarest book on the planet, with only one known copy extant, (2) this copy is in our possession, (3) we decline to lend it or to photocopy it, and (4) in any event, it is inadvisable for anyone to read the entire contents of the book, because everyone who absorbs every word of the text is driven mad by the terrible burden of the knowledge thus acquired - or he explodes."

HILARIOUS!

I read my first Dean Koontz novel in the backseat of my parents' car on a five hour trip to visit my sister at Ft. Stewart before she shipped off to the Gulf War. Darkfall was horrifically thrilling, and I loved every page.

After consuming my eighth or ninth Koontz novel, I, too, went in search of The Book of Counted Sorrows, but soon realized it didn't exist (at the time).

When I learned he'd finally published it, I really didn't know what to expect. I have to say, the wit and sarcasm in the opening pages were reminiscent of Mark Twain, but more fantastical. There were several places where I laughed and snickered and snorted, which was just the literary pick-me-up I needed.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I waited 17 years to finally hold a copy in my hands to read...( Thankful to both libraries that gave me this Joy ) Reading the first 56 pages would be good with a steaming hot cup of coffee....

I still remember how excited I was to open each new Dean Koontz book n read the chosen verse from The Book of Counted Sorrows...I still feel that excitement when I open a copy of his older novels at library booksales n used bookstores... ( Yes I open them to read the verse still to this day )

the verses did not disappoint n were everything I anticipated and more.....To any Dean Koontz fan that holds this book in their hand, I hope you feel it is a treasure like I do.....Thankful to the used bookstore who sold me The Eyes of Darkness long before I knew who Dean Koontz was......I knew him as Lee Nichols.....What a journey your books have taken me on....

[Simon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an unusual story - well worth his reputation. Mr. Koontz has created a story that your brain tells you is not true, but you can't help but finish the book.
The poetry section is unusual but not unexpected.

[J.E. · Rating 4 out of 5]

As can be expected, given where this came from, there is a lot in this that is striking, but there is also a portion at the front that is simply a fun sense of dark humor. Being able to put something like this together is simply impressive enough to make it worth reading.

[Charlotte Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love it. Great thriller with a solid story line.

[Saraj Goldberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was great to read all the counted sorrows in one place, except of course, the last 2. Had to search to find this book, it was pricey but I am happy to have it in my Dean Koontz collection.

[Jimmy M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a Dean Koontz fan, you'll know all about The Book of Counted Sorrows. Here you will be able to read all his quotes in a single refefence.

[Mole Mann · Rating 5 out of 5]

My head exploded after reading this and I DIED. Koontz is a VISIONARY.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me giggle so much wow

[Greg Van Vorhis · Rating 4 out of 5]

So ridiculous and funny.

[Bianca Ceica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cea mai frumoasă descoperire de la Shel Silverstein încoace. Doar atunci îmi amintesc să mă fi entuziasmat niște poezii atât de tare ca acum.

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was long over due - I remember seeing the first references to it almost from the first Dean Koontz I read all those years ago. Yes at the time I knew that it was a factious book with only limited material created to add a certain flare to the book you were about to read. But as I read more of his books and more material was written referring back to this book of counted sorrows so I think fiction took on a life of its own. I remember (rather embarrassingly now - writing to the UK publishers asking if there were plans on printed them in a true book format - as you can imagine in the early 90s I received nothing back). So you can imagine my surprise and eagerness to read them now that they have finally been collected and published as one. Ok I will be the first to admit that verse and poetry have nothing to fear from me I have not got a clue about them but I do connect with these - I think probably because I remember their origins as teasers and tasters.

[Hails · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am amazed at the history of this book! I was intrigued about the quotes from the start of his novels but had never actually gotten around to searching for it, but always curious. I knew one day I would get to it.
Then I found his website! It had an explanation that so many fans had to written to him asking him on how to find this nonexistent tome, that he published it! So of course I ordered it right away from his website. So happy when it arrived and the poems are great!
This book is made of a selection of sayings at the start of his novels- the explanation for creating The Book of Counted Sorrows is that sometimes he could not find a passage to convey a meaning for the beginning of his novels so he created them, attributing them to this non existent book.
A talented author with many literary skills!

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have never given Dean Koontz a 2 star rating but had no choice in this one. Very short and disappointing book of about 70 pages. I have looked for this mythical book of poems and a bit of wisdom that he occasionally starts books or chapters with. The first 50 pages (!) were a sort of adolescent humor rambling on about exploding heads and emulsified brain on the ceiling and other stupid horrible things that would happen if you read the book. I think even he got bored and disgusted with what he was writing as the details faded and became shorter. I felt insulted by the majority of this book. Then came 20 pages of the poems I had been looking for...mostly good. Dark and inspiring at the same time. I have never been so disappointed by Koontz before.

[Jessica Saccone · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's definitely a fun and interesting read for any Dean Koontz fan, you can tell he had a lot of fun writing it and it makes it really fun and uplifting to read. It has his typical dry, dark, sarcastic humour for the first half of the book.

Then, it has his poetry for half of it.

Though, no, it may not be the best poetry (not that it's bad, he's just no William Shakespeare or Edgar Allan Poe!), it was still great to see my favourite writer come out of his writing comfort zone and try something new for his fans.

[Daniel DeGuia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I pre-ordered this because I've been reading Dean Koontz since I was in junior high and was immediately captivated by the "excerpts" he would slip in from The Book of Counted Sorrows.

When I received it, after waiting some 15 years for the actual book to release, I was really disappointed. The book was extremely thin and had more content by way of a story about a squirrel than it did the style of prose the book became in such high demand.

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally! :-)

All Koontz fans have been waiting for this book since we have been
seeing quotes from it in his books. Most of the quotations I do not recall from
previous writings.

The introduction is almost as long as the book itself. Although I will
cherish this book I was slightly disappointed in the length and quantity
of 'sayings'.

[Gennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

For a while I searched for this book after getting little snipits in each and every book Koontz has written... a little phrase here... a short story there... and then when this book was finally released... I was all too excited and not let down by what I encountered