“The intelligent desire self-control; children want candy.” (Rumi)
The subject: This delicate book, wraps up the latest findings on self-control and willpower, the line of study which was initiated in 1960 by the author "Walter Mischel".
The book: This is the fifth book I've read about self-control and willpower, so it would be natural not expect much new insights. I was wrong. This book actually enhanced, perfected and debugged many of the ideas I'd read in previous books.
Self-control is the single most important factor that can be measured early in childhood and virtually predicts the child's fortune in his/her years to come.
Bad news is the default efficiency of one's willpower is determined by his/her genes and the nurturing environment between ages of 1 to 6. The good news is that this default willpower is malleable and can be cultivated through education and practice.
What you will learn:
In short, this book adds a new weapon to your arsenal for the battle against temptations. Do you want to know how to readily resist the temptation for the cheesecake in front of you? Do you want to know how to suppress the temptation for lighting your next cigarette? How about saving your marriage and not indulging in an infidelity?
Well, you're gonna be equipped with the knowledge, and techniques to win the war of resistance in this book.
Weapons:
Now let's look at some of the weapons you can use in the war of temptation:
1. Cool VS Hot: Whenever facing a tempting situation, like a piece of cake you want to avoid, there are two aspects to the situation, Hot and cold. The desirable attributes of the cake, its sweetness, taste, smell, look constitute the hot dimension and thinking in this hot manner, makes you crave more and more till you indulge. On the other hand, you could imagine the cake in a cool manner, for instance, you can imagine it being a picture, or even you can turn the delicious, yummy cake into a disgusting object by visualizing it, for example, to be filled with cockroaches. In essence:
The power is not in the stimulus, however, but in how it is mentally appraised: if you change how you think about it, its impact on what you feel and do changes, The tempting chocolate mousse on the restaurant dessert tray loses its allure if you imagine a cockroach just snacked on it in the kitchen
2. Disassociate yourself: Whenever facing a hard situation (resisting a temptation or suffering a break up) imagin watching yourself from the eyes of another person. This way you shif the gears of your thoughts to a higher, cooler and more logical cognitive thinking.
3. Three stages of self-control: In all the self-control tactics, there exist three stages: First, you have to remember and actively keep in mind your chosen goal (if you eat the cake, you won't get fit). Second, you have to monitor your progress toward your goal and make the necessary corrections by shifting your attention and cognitions flexibly between goal-oriented thoughts and temptation=reducing techniques. Third, you have to inhibit impulsive responses like thinking about how appealing the temptations were or reaching out to touch them, that woyld prevent you from attaining your goal.
4. It all comes down to expectation: Till now, it was believed that for instance performing mentally-demanding tasks would lead to decision fatigue (running out of willpower). But now, it's discovered that it all comes down to your expectation, if you expect to get tired after a workout, you'll be tired, and if you expect to get energized after solving a math puzzle, you will be...
5. Your future self If you vividly imaging your future self with your desired goal (being fit, not smoking etc.) and emotionally get engaged with this future picture of yours, you will far more likely to stay commited to your resolutions.
To be completed ...