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The Virgin Mary's Got Nits
A touching and hilarious gift book of poetry and prose on the subject of children and Christmas from the Yorkshire school inspector and bestselling author of the Dales series and Little Village School series.
- GenresChristmas
192 pages, Paperback
First published November 6, 2014
15 people are currently reading
47 people want to read
About the author
Gervase Phinn
100 books172 followersGervase Phinn (born 27 December 1946, Rotherham, South Yorkshire, England) is an English author and educator. After a career as a teacher he became a schools inspector.
He is now a freelance lecturer, broadcaster and writer, a consultant for the Open University, Honorary Fellow of St. John's College, York, Doctor of Letters (D.Litt) of the University of Leicester, Doctor of Letters (D.Litt) of The University of Hull and the Fellow and Visiting Professor of Education at The University of Teesside.
In 2005 the highest academic award of Sheffield Hallam University, Doctor of the University (D.Univ.) was conferred upon him by the Chancellor, Professor Lord Robert Winston. In 2006 he became President of The School Library Association.
He has published five volumes of memoir, collections of poetry and a number of books about education. He has a particular interest in children's literature and literacy.
He is married with four grown-up children.
He is now a freelance lecturer, broadcaster and writer, a consultant for the Open University, Honorary Fellow of St. John's College, York, Doctor of Letters (D.Litt) of the University of Leicester, Doctor of Letters (D.Litt) of The University of Hull and the Fellow and Visiting Professor of Education at The University of Teesside.
In 2005 the highest academic award of Sheffield Hallam University, Doctor of the University (D.Univ.) was conferred upon him by the Chancellor, Professor Lord Robert Winston. In 2006 he became President of The School Library Association.
He has published five volumes of memoir, collections of poetry and a number of books about education. He has a particular interest in children's literature and literacy.
He is married with four grown-up children.
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
June 12, 2017
This book was bought for me as a gift. The person who bought me it loves this author and therefore decided it was the perfect present for everyone (She bought a few people the same thing). I'm telling you this because my typical read is romance novels and this would not have been something I would have chosen.
Overall I enjoyed this book. It is made up of short stories which lead to jokes and poems. Some were funny and some were just okay. For the right person this would be the perfect book however it's not going to be for everyone. I'd say if you are from Yorkshire this would be a big advantage. My main problem with this book is the articulate language mixed with Yorkshire slang. I just felt there was no need for the big words.
Overall I enjoyed this book. It is made up of short stories which lead to jokes and poems. Some were funny and some were just okay. For the right person this would be the perfect book however it's not going to be for everyone. I'd say if you are from Yorkshire this would be a big advantage. My main problem with this book is the articulate language mixed with Yorkshire slang. I just felt there was no need for the big words.
January 7, 2018
I was already a fan of Gervase Phone before I read this book and sadly that put me at a disadvantage because some of the poems or short stories have appeared elsewhere and I had already read them. This is stated on one of the very last pages and I think it would have been better to have noted it on the back cover so that it was obvious before purchase.
I enjoyed this and felt that it was a good mix of short stories and poems that you could dip in and out of during the hectic Christmas period. It will certainly raise a smile whichever poem or story you happen upon
I have given 4 stars only because I wasn't aware that there would be parts that I had already read, and I think it should have been clearer that this was the case
I enjoyed this and felt that it was a good mix of short stories and poems that you could dip in and out of during the hectic Christmas period. It will certainly raise a smile whichever poem or story you happen upon
I have given 4 stars only because I wasn't aware that there would be parts that I had already read, and I think it should have been clearer that this was the case
January 6, 2025
On the whole another enjoyable book by Gervase Phinn. Maybe because I've read most of what this author has written, I'm starting to read some of the same tales in different books. To be fair though, they still make me smile. It's the way Mr. Phinn relates these tales that are pure gold, I would love to meet some of these children who "....are as blunt as a dull knife!" The story of Kyle, aged 10 and the new kid at school, tore at my heartstrings. If you want a bit of cheering up, have a read.
December 1, 2016
Absolutely delightful! Made me laugh out loud, "Happy Christmas, Miss Dunn" brought tears to my eyes, and I smiled throughout.
This is a collection of essays, anecdotes, poems, and short stories, with a few ink drawings scattered throughout, from the author of the British Little Village School series. Loosely grouped by topic - from Christmas pageants to nativities, to santa, to pantomime, to holiday traditions -- this is the perfect little holiday-pick-me-up.
I suspect this could become an annual read, and I also think it would be a great book to read with your kids as a family.
This is a collection of essays, anecdotes, poems, and short stories, with a few ink drawings scattered throughout, from the author of the British Little Village School series. Loosely grouped by topic - from Christmas pageants to nativities, to santa, to pantomime, to holiday traditions -- this is the perfect little holiday-pick-me-up.
I suspect this could become an annual read, and I also think it would be a great book to read with your kids as a family.
December 26, 2014
I love any book my Gervase Phinn. He's one of my favourite authors and I've had the opportunity to meet him on several occasions as he was my school inspector at primary school. This book is so funny, I couldn't put it down
December 31, 2015
A witty collection of anecdotes, poems and short stories all with a festive feel. I enjoyed the laid back, autobiographical tone of the author and found this to be an easy and engaging Christmas read.
November 29, 2015
Christmas funnies.
December 29, 2016
A bit of lighthearted fun to end my year of books :)
January 7, 2017
Wonderful - a wicked sense of humour perfect for the festive season.
January 10, 2017
Funny irreverent a good antedote to xmas
January 19, 2017
A heartwarming read.
January 23, 2017
An amusing view of schools at Christmas time.
December 9, 2017
Wonderfully-written and hilarious, great seasonal read - 9.5/10.
January 6, 2026
The Virgin Mary’s Got Nits by Gervase Phinn is a very charming anthology of tales and poems set at Christmas.
We hear tales about nativities that the author experienced as he visited schools in Yorkshire in his role as school inspector. Children are delightfully honest and forthright in their opinions, which often produces much hilarity.
A child in a nativity said: “Can you tell the palm tree to shift, Miss, he’s blocking my view and I can’t see my Nana.”
An angel in another nativity when talking of the baby Jesus said: “’E’s a reight bobby-dazzler.”
There are poems scattered throughout, as well as short stories that bring a tear to your eye. My particular favourites were Happy Christmas, Miss Dunn; and A Christmas Miracle.
Observations of visitors in schools often produce chuckles from the reader – my favourite was that of a vicar trying to tell the parable of the Lost Sheep to children raised in rural Yorkshire. There were many questions about the breed of sheep, finally ending with: “’Why do you think the shepherd risked losing all the other sheep just for one which was lost?’… The vociferous little girl raised a hand. ‘’Appen it were t’tup she said.”
As the book ends we read a powerful description of Jesus: “He was born in an obscure village… For this quiet teacher from the hills of Galilee has fed the needs, fulfilled the hopes and changed the lives of many millions. For what He taught brought heaven to earth and revealed God’s heart to mankind.”
A positively delightful and charming little book.
We hear tales about nativities that the author experienced as he visited schools in Yorkshire in his role as school inspector. Children are delightfully honest and forthright in their opinions, which often produces much hilarity.
A child in a nativity said: “Can you tell the palm tree to shift, Miss, he’s blocking my view and I can’t see my Nana.”
An angel in another nativity when talking of the baby Jesus said: “’E’s a reight bobby-dazzler.”
There are poems scattered throughout, as well as short stories that bring a tear to your eye. My particular favourites were Happy Christmas, Miss Dunn; and A Christmas Miracle.
Observations of visitors in schools often produce chuckles from the reader – my favourite was that of a vicar trying to tell the parable of the Lost Sheep to children raised in rural Yorkshire. There were many questions about the breed of sheep, finally ending with: “’Why do you think the shepherd risked losing all the other sheep just for one which was lost?’… The vociferous little girl raised a hand. ‘’Appen it were t’tup she said.”
As the book ends we read a powerful description of Jesus: “He was born in an obscure village… For this quiet teacher from the hills of Galilee has fed the needs, fulfilled the hopes and changed the lives of many millions. For what He taught brought heaven to earth and revealed God’s heart to mankind.”
A positively delightful and charming little book.
October 3, 2021
I love his books, humorous, often touching, and a book with Christmas stories is always going to evoke memories of your own experiences as a child at Christmas. Some cute stories in here. My only issue is towards the end none of the stories were about Christmas they were all other bible stories. As it is only a small book I’m sure there were other Christmas themed stories he could have included, as it’s billed as a Christmas anthology?. They didn’t fit with the rest of the book and it went from a touching little trip down Christmas past to feeling a bit Sunday school preachy.
May 8, 2024
This book was absolutely hysterical to begin with and had I have been in public when I started reading it I would have drawn a few strange looks as it did literally make me laugh out loud but it got a bit more serious and a bit more religious as it got nearer the end with parables etc which may have had an odd quip from a child. It is quite a short story - so it's not that panful to read but the early chapters are the best and fully recommended.
December 14, 2024
Disappointing
When I read other reviews, I was under the impression that it was a book about directing/observing children at Christmas time. It’s not. The book starts out with hilarious stories about the chaos that teaching children brings, then moves into anecdotes and short stories that go nowhere.
When I read other reviews, I was under the impression that it was a book about directing/observing children at Christmas time. It’s not. The book starts out with hilarious stories about the chaos that teaching children brings, then moves into anecdotes and short stories that go nowhere.
July 4, 2023
A dear old friend mentioned this book in passing reminding me of my teaching days and how J Phinn cheered those stressful days of inspection.
He does it again only I'm long retired. I laughed out-loud and could picture every moment. Great fun but so true!
He does it again only I'm long retired. I laughed out-loud and could picture every moment. Great fun but so true!
December 11, 2020
Lots of fun.
December 22, 2020
Absolutely adored this.
November 21, 2021
Utterly and totally brilliant
To any teacher.. Especially yorkshire born and bred.. You will love it and want to share it it's so amazing
To any teacher.. Especially yorkshire born and bred.. You will love it and want to share it it's so amazing
January 18, 2022
Some good stories in here, and having seen the author on several occasions, and also having worked with children all my life, l could visualise each one.
November 26, 2023
A fun collection of Christmas school stories.
December 13, 2023
Light wait easy read.
January 1, 2025
Great book
December 28, 2025
Light-hearted, good fun.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews