A Different Kind of Happiness: Discovering the Joy That Comes from Sacrificial Love

by Larry Crabb

How to Love When You Don't Feel Like Loving

Everywhere we look, we see evidence that love is in short supply. Terrorists and political corruption, school shootings and troubled marriages, impatient online sniping and character assassination--all point to the fact that we do not know how to love one another as Jesus commanded and modeled. We put our own interests and happiness first, despite the fact that the greatest happiness comes through sacrificial love.

In this book, Dr. Larry Crabb shows readers how to understand the deep and perfect love we are shown by our Creator and Redeemer, and how to pour that love into other people. This love is about more than being nice and serving others. It's about relating to others in such a way that they feel heard, seen, and valued. This love sacrifices and suffers and keeps loving, even when doing so is costly. This kind of love, says Crabb, is the kind worth fighting for in all of our relationships, and A Different Kind of Happiness shows how to make it a reality.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christian, Faith, Self Help, Marriage

256 pages, Hardcover

Published July 5, 2016

About the author

Lawrence J. Crabb Jr.

Larry Crabb is a well-known Christian psychologist, conference and seminar speaker, Bible teacher, and author of more than 25 books—including his most recent, When God’s Ways Make No Sense and two Gold Medallion award-winners Inside Out and Understanding People. He is also the founder/director of NewWay Ministries & most recently his "legacy ministry", LargerStory.com. In addition to various other speaking and teaching opportunities, Crabb offers a week-long School of Spiritual Direction held each year here at The Cove and the Glen Eyrie in CO. He currently is scholar-in-residence at Colorado Christian University. Larry and his wife of 50 years, Rachael, reside near Charlotte, N.C.

Reviews

[Cherie Miller]

This book was pure healing to me every time I picked it up or listened to it. It felt like what the book of Ecclesiastes could have been if old Solomon would have been sanctified. 🥹 I’m unsure of how to rate or recommend it since some might find it meandering or repetitive. But to me, every word was something to drink in—so many things that I have believed and fought for with all my heart—but all the while perhaps not knowing how to do it well. I intend to come back to this book frequently in the future and continue to take it in and implement the thoughtful, well-thought thoughts. It’s sad that I’m just now reading my first Larry Crabb book now that he’s passed away; I felt I was making a wise new friend as I read his beautiful words.

[Jason Kanz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read every book Larry Crabb has written, including the lesser known two volume Adventures of Captain Al Scabbard. Most of them I have read several times. When people ask me my favorite, I am never sure which to choose--I love most of them. His latest book, A Different Kind of Happiness (2016, Baker) is no different. Several months ago, I read an electronic copy of the book and offered my impressions. At the time, I wrote, "It is no exaggeration that Dr. Crabb has had a profound impact upon me, my family, and the community of believers to which I belong. Like his favorite prophet, Jeremiah, Dr. Crabb has a message that challenges the status quo: ultimately the Bible is about relationship. His latest book is a welcome yet challenging call to a lived relational theology. He reminds us that growing in sacrificial other-centeredness is not easy but it is the way of Christ, which is a critical message for the body of Christ." (from the back cover).

Last week, I received a package containing a physical copy of the book and I was just as excited about receiving the paper copy as I was to review the electronic one and I have already read it again. Like many of Larry's books, this one is my favorite. A Different Kind of Happiness demonstrates Crabb's continued maturing as an author and Christ follower. It is also the clearest explanation of what might be called a relational theology. He is a wise sage and to me a valued mentor.

One of the ideas that has formed Crabb's thinking is that the Trinitarian God exists in perfect relationship and therefore, as His image bearers, we also were created to relate. However, our ideas of what constitutes Christian love is often anemic and self-centered. In this book, he uses Scripture to show us how God calls us to a deeper, sacrificial love. Because relationships, like all of creation, have been affected by the fall, each of us have "the lingering corruption of self-centeredness" that can stain all of our relationships. "We all fall short of the glory of God, the relational glory of God."

All of us on some level recognize the importance of love. But perhaps we don't know what true love--sacrificial love--Christlike love--really is. What if true happiness develops when our love is modeled after Christ's sacrificial love? Christ loved those who didn't deserve it. He loved them when they rejected him. That includes you. That includes me.

In the second half, Dr. Crabb explores in some depth what he calls the 7 questions of spiritual theology:

Who is God?
What is God up to?
Who are we?
What's gone wrong?
What has God done about our problem?
How is the Spirit working to implement the Divine solution to our human problem?
How can we cooperate with the Spirit's work?


These seven questions provide a useful framework for a lived relational theology and are worth pondering in some depth.


For all the positives of this book, and there are many, a caution is in order. This book will unsettle you. If you are willing to honestly consider what Dr Crabb has to say, you will feel uncomfortable. Reflecting upon God's word and Christ's life, Larry asks us to love deeply and sacrificially. He calls upon us to love those who don't deserve it because none of us do. He exhorts us to love even while people are sinning against us as he loved us when we were (are) sinning against him.

This book contains a prayer that I have written out and pray as often as I can:
"Whatever the cost, make me a little Christ. Father, may Your Spirit open the eyes of my heart to see your beauty so that I am left with no greater desire while I live in this world than to reveal Your Son's love to others by how I relate."

I received a free copy of this book from Baker Books in exchange for my review. The reviews presented within are my own. Although this book was provided free of charge, it is a testament of my enjoyment of the book that I have purchased 10 more to give away to others.

[Michele Morin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Theology of Happiness


When I pause for a minute to ask my self what I really want in life, my unedited first response is . . . well, embarrassing. I want to be happy, and my shallow definition of a “happy” life looks something like this: a vehicle that never breaks down, children who behave well and experience a measure of success, a maintenance-free house, and a healthy body. Now, truly, there is nothing wrong with any of these lovely things — or even with my desire for them. However, life on a fallen planet makes their simultaneous fulfillment unlikely, at best. This is why those of us who believingly follow Jesus Christ must find our way to A Different Kind of Happiness — one that does not depend upon a problem-free life.

Larry Crabb offers helpful clarification for my happiness-seeking heart by tying my understanding of happiness to the notion that happiness comes from loving others sacrificially. Because this flies in the face of our instinct for self-protection and desire for instant well-being, Larry’s argument unfolds over the course of over two hundred well-constructed and earnestly compelling pages.

We’ve long distinguished between happiness and joy, but Larry uses the words interchangeably, instead creating two helpful categories of happiness:

“Second Thing Happiness” — which requires at least some of the things on my list in order to feel good;
“First Thing Happiness” — which is entirely different and “develops when we struggle to love others with a costly love that is possible only if we have a life-giving relationship with Jesus that is grounded entirely in His love for us.”
Does this sound unrealistic? Does it sound as if it contradicts what we know and experience on this “narrow road that leads to life?” No one would argue with the truth that the happiness and joy that Jesus experienced in His time on this planet came from giving Himself. And only the gloomiest of theologians would argue against the notion that God is supremely happy, and that He wants to draw us into that happiness. Yet, at the same time both Old and New Testaments describe Jesus as a Man of Sorrows “and acquainted with grief.” He was a free agent, entering into suffering — and doing it on behalf of unworthy people, (Romans 5:7,8).

The good news that God draws us into involves life on a narrow road. For Larry Crabb, this has included a cancer diagnosis, ongoing treatment over a period of years, several recurrences, and now a new episode of treatment being ushered in just as he was grappling with the concepts in this book. Misery like this is just one of the symptoms of this life under the sun. However, Scripture, prayer, and a life centered around spiritual discipline offer us a glimpse of life from above the sun in which we pray for grace to relate to others in a loving way that puts Him on display no matter what our outward circumstances. Larry calls this the prayer “that God always answers.”

The jarring truth that we look for our happiness in all the wrong places is supported by two facts that sound distinctly heretical: (1)Sinful urges come from a place within us that is experienced on a deeper level than our redemption; (2)Sin delivers a pleasure that Jesus never provides.

If that’s the case, then, how is it possible to find happiness along with a life of holiness?

“In order to compete with sin’s appeal, holy desire, the longing to live a Christlike life that displays the relational beauty of Christ to others, must be rooted in faith. And that faith exists only when it is lodged in the certainty that soon it will give way to an incomparable experience of joy that will forever destroy the appeal for sin.”
The goal of Christlikeness is always a long way off, but life on the narrow road is designed to “squeeze” the unholiness out of His followers, leaving them free to follow hard after the prize of knowing God at any cost and to hate anything that obscures the reality of God’s loving presence.

The antidote to our persistent “Broad Road Thinking” is a heavy dose of the Gospel which Larry examines in the context of seven probing questions:

Who is God? God is relational, a three-Person community of love, fully committed to the happiness of others. Even His glory is relational.
What is God up to? He is devoting His unlimited resources to forming those who receive the gospel into disciples who relate like Jesus.
Who are we? We are relational persons with a potential waiting to be realized, created to know joy in knowing God, with potential to put Jesus on display.
What’s gone wrong? As a race, we’ve rejected God’s identity as “the source of all that is good.” We look elsewhere for goodness and happiness.
What has God done about our problem? He killed His Son. Of course, this will seem of little consequence if we persist in settling for “Second Thing Happiness.”
How is the Spirit working to implement the divine solution to our human problem? This side of heaven, “we experience the Holy Spirit’s presence most richly in our darkness and distress” and “His power most potently in our weakness and failure.”
How can we cooperate with the Spirit’s working? By never giving up on ourselves and others; by battling for a better love and seeking to truly know one another; by giving in both word and deed.
What would happen if we threw ourselves into this battle for a better love? The happiness that Jesus experienced on this Earth coexisted beside the worst kind of anguish and suffering. It was fueled by deep and significant relationships. Truly His narrow way is the way that leads to life.

//

This book was provided by BakerBooks, a division of Baker Publishing Group, in exchange for my review. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have good news and bad news about this book.

First the good news. This book contains much good information and teaching. Crabb draws from his seventy plus years of experience and ministry to encourage a new way of living. He argues that the best kind of happiness comes from our doing what Jesus wants of us, giving ourselves to others. He calls on us to recognize how we don't love like Jesus does. He writes that this love is deeply relational, is sacrificial, and is not just doing good deeds. It develops, he writes, “when we struggle to love others with a costly love that is possible only if we have a life-giving relationship with Jesus that is grounded entirely in His love for us.” (20)

There were a couple of sections in this book that I found particularly interesting. One was Crabb's exploration of happiness and joy and the difference between the two. The other section was on prayer. Crabb writes about asking in faith and receiving, based on Matt. 21:22. He shares his own disillusionment with that concept and clarifies what he believes Jesus was really saying. He adds that Jesus Himself practiced conditional prayer, “If it be Your will.” Crabb realized, “Jesus taught one kind of prayer and practiced another.” (60) His continuation on the topic was very enlightening, including identifying the prayer God always answers.

Now the bad news. I found Crabb's writing style hard to follow. Many of his sentences are very long, with a couple of dashes and with lots of commas. I often had to read a sentence several times to try to understand what he was communicating. And why did he ask all those questions? (A random count on pp. 176-177 yielded fifteen question marks.)

I almost felt like I was reading along as Crabb himself tried to understand what he was saying, clarifying his own thinking. He makes these revealing statements: “I did not begin writing this book with a well-worked-out set of ideas that I wanted to teach you about what it means to live your life on the narrow road. I rather began with questions I felt were important enough to explore, and as I do so I'm feeling a few familiar truths coming freshly alive in my mind. The fog is lifting from two truths . . .” (90-91) And, “This book is a story unfolding. I did not begin writing with a well-developed message that I was confident I could articulate. I expect to complete the last chapter with more loose ends hanging in my mind than in yours.” (185)

It seems this is a personal account of Crabb trying to understand his own spiritual condition. He asks, for example, “Am I a spiritual man, a Spirit-filled disciple of Jesus? Ask me that question and most often I will feel immediate discouragement.” (193) He goes on to question whether he has been receiving evil lies about what a Spirit-filled disciple is like as spiritual truth. That was disconcerting to me. I would hope that Crabb, in his seventies, would no longer be questioning such things.

If reading a book where the author is thinking through his message as he is writing appeals to you, then you may like this book. If you would rather read an organized and well thought out message that has been edited for clarity and comprehension, you may need to look elsewhere. There is a great deal of good material in this book about relational sin and what God desires of us. I just wish it had been presented in a more cohesive manner.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.

[Jeanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The power to be relationally formed like Jesus, though never completely till we see Him in glory, is now available. We can now find joy, true joy, by enduring whatever suffering comes our way as we battle for a better love, knowing every failure to love like Jesus is cause to celebrate His death.

With the author's battle with cancer, he has become more reflective with the Gospel and it's implications. With that, I appreciate his journey because it is my journey and yours. We are in a battle to love and it is difficult. It is difficult because we get in the way with our insecurities, doubt, and selfishness. I know I have and if you have too, this read will remind you of what you seek.

Because we in our self-protection, we seek pleasure in second things. Things that don't matter and miss the things that do matter. So what matters? It is displaying the love of Christ to a dying world by sacrifice.

The study is laid out in 3 parts. The Good News that Sounds Bad, The Good News that Only Disciples know is Good, and A Beautiful Story is Unfolding, Even in the Darkest Night. Each part builds on another giving the reader foundational truths to examine their own heart and to apply in faith. It takes faith and trust to love - that is what makes it so difficult. The foundation is on knowing God. There was a reason why when Israel was freed from slavery in Egypt that the Lord said - "that they would know me and worship me." In knowing God, we can know what God is up to which leads to who are we? It is when we come to the truth that something is truly wrong. Look at our world today.

It is by sacrifice we can begin to love and know the love of God. It is difficult in the many seasons of life but it is where true joy is found.

A Special Thank You to Baker Books and Netgalley for the ARC the opportunity to post an honest review.

[Yonasan Aryeh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Larry Crabb is well known for not only this theological works, but his counseling and relational works as well. It is in this book that he addresses a counseling approach that is based off his theological framework and helps the reader come to an understanding of how to be happy in a different way, one not based on emotional turbulence or roller coaster relationships, but one based on following the Master of the Way. In this book, Crabb presents three “parts” to help lead the reader to the conclusion he seeks: (i) the Good News that sound bad, (ii) the Good News that only disciples know is good, and (iii) a beautiful story is unfolding, even in the darkest night. From the opening salvo of Crabb’s work that asks the damning question on how lost the world is if it relies on love to make it go ‘round, to the ending conclusions that provide argument for his thesis, Crabb shows how true love can only be found in the Messiah, and only in the face of true love can one discover true happiness.

Crabb’s writing style is engaging and presents many valid questions that prompt the reader to see the problem with their own eyes. Crabb takes even the Christian culture to task in his arguments and makes the audience see things not how they want to see them, but how they need to be seen. This book is definitely one not just for those seeking happiness, but also one for those who really do not understand the Way and the definition of true love. Easy to continue reading, Crabb is on the cusp of helping the Christian culture get a reality check and change their perspective, but only if the influencers read the work. Take a peak - it might just change how you see yourself and others…

Disclosure: I have received a reviewer copy and/or payment in exchange for an honest review of the product mentioned in this post.

[Hank Pharis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably the two men who have most impacted my life the last quarter century have been John Piper and Larry Crabb. This is in some sense an ultimate summation of Crabb's thought and in other ways covers new ground. The second half of the book is devoted to 7 questions that I have heard him talk about a couple of times and always hoped he'd get around to developing this in a book. He proposes that God has primarily answered these questions in the Bible: 1) Who is God? 2) What is God Up To? 3) Who are we? 4) What's gone wrong? 5) What has God done about our problem? 6) How is the Spirit working to implement the divine solution to our human problem? 7) How can we cooperate with the Spirit's work?

After listening to this I had to go back and read it. A very good book.

(Note: I'm stingy with stars. For me 2 stars means a good book. 3 = Very good; 4 = Outstanding; 5 = All time favorites.)

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disruptive. Convicting. Hopeful. Transformative.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an incredibly insightful book for me. I love Dr. Larry Crabb's down to earth and simple language. He says it like it is, and I really appreciate that. He starts off the book by describing the difference between happiness and joy. He talks about "second things happiness" and "first things happiness" and how we as humans are primarily geared to seek after "second things happiness" - blessings, pleasures, etc. - all good things...but all outside our control. He then talks about "first things happiness" and how that's ultimately Joy that comes to us from God's Spirit...and how we can have this Joy even amidst suffering. He talks quite a bit about how we're called to Love sacrificially for others as Christ Loved and continues to Love us. All-in-all, this was an incredibly encouraging book for me. It gave me immense hope and perspective on how we're to rightly live in a world where suffering and pain is inevitable...and not just how to live in it and not get miserable, but to live in it with purpose.

[Dawn Dishman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend told me, “God wants me to be happy” and I left the conversation with a pit in my stomach because I hear this a lot today. It’s as if we believe God’s only purpose is for our pleasure, and it doesn’t matter who gets hurt in the process as long as I seek after what makes me happy.

This book addresses how and why we chase after happiness and certain ones we think will satisfy never last. It is not a message most of us hear in today’s self-centered society. It definitely goes against the grain of popular culture.

My favorite chapter is called, “The One Prayer God Always Answers” and I believe it will forever change how I pray for myself and others.

Larry Crabb writes from his training, but also his own personal struggles with disappointment and ultimately his battle with cancer that recently took his life here on earth.

This is such a good book, and it could radically impact the way you view the pain and suffering in your life. This is one I will read and reread over and over.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Giving this 4 stars for now because I haven't had a chance to read this book as in-depth as I'd like. But I can tell it's another one of Larry's gems. Each time I read him I get the sense that he tries to always prioritize accurate theology, even as he also tries to help others grow personally and relationally. We can accept his words as not holier-than-thou, because he's the first to admit he struggles to meet the standards he puts on the pages. One thing that might unnerve readers is how he writes in a way that makes you think he might be too focused on trying to build up suspense as he waits to reveal some big point. But that's minor when you consider the rich spiritual offerings he provides along the way.

"Sacrificial love" is exactly what he writes about in this book, so if you're looking to love like Jesus expects of His children, be prepared. It won't be all sunshine and rainbows.

[Zia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the author had some really good points to start out. As the book unfolded the more I struggled to understand what exactly I should be taking away.

The author posed more questions then answers, and then kept saying he would answer them in chapters to come but you can not tell if that was the answer to the posed question or just a random spirt of information.

The main point of happiness through godly love was lost and brought back on multiple occasions. I think with a little bit of restructure to the content and some rewording this book would be exceptional, because the author seems to be quite intelligent.

[Hope (boba.nbooks) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Larry Crabb never fails to deliver a weighty text. Though theologically dense, this book delivers a wonderfully thought-provoking message: how do we truly love as Jesus loved and find true happiness? He discusses two different types of happiness and their impact on our lives, and as he does this delves more into how sacrificial love is the only way we can truly show the love of Jesus. It was slow at times, but I overall got a lot of good out of this book. It’s made me think more about how to authentically love as Jesus did.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to this while sorting through mounds of books at a thrift store. I was a little disappointed. Don't get me wrong, the book was good, but it wasn't what I was expecting from Dr. Crabb. I'm so used to his well thought out style. This was more of his journey and thoughts using terminology that, unless you've read some of his other works, could be confusing. While I enjoyed the book, it wasn't my favorite.

[Mookie J · Rating 3 out of 5]

i always love Larry Crabb, so it is a good read. Yet it did take a while for me to read, so not fascinating.

[AC · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting thought process to work through as you read. I had to reread a couple of paragraphs, but worth the read. Views on happiness vs joy is intriguing and worth exploring by oneself.

[Ryan Jankowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read most of Crabb's books now and there's not one I haven't loved. This was the perfect compliment to a series of books and studies on the Book of Ecclesiastes I had done in the recent past.

[Nancy Kendall]

Hoopla (8 hrs)

[J.K. Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating - Put it on you list

Level - Easy, moderate in length

Summary
First of all, do not be thrown off by the cover/title. This is not a fluffy self-helpy type book. Instead Dr. Crabb challenges the readers to love like Jesus, but not the usual Sunday School love you hear about in church. He lays out true sacrificial love and all that it entails; and maybe the best part, he asks, doing you even want to try?

The book is broken in to two main parts, with a third part, that's really mostly a conclusion/summary. The first part is the idea of happiness. Crabb says there are two kind, first thing happiness and second thing. Firs thing, better known as joy, though he uses them interchangeably, is happiness IN Christ. Second thing happiness is the happiness of pretty much everything else - family, money, health, etc.

The second part consists of an introduction what he calls Spiritual Theology, followed by the seven questions to ask and answer of this theology. The questions are:

Who is God?
What is God up to?
Who are we?
What's gone wrong?
What has God done about our problem?
How is the Spirit working to implement the Divine Solution to our human problem?
How can we cooperate with the Spirit's work?
He wraps up with some concluding thoughts and presents the question(s) he was hoping this book would ask. Finally, he spends a little time trying to answer that question.

My Thoughts
This book was surprising challenging. I say challenging, I guess I'm basing that on the cover. I had never read anything from Dr. Crabb before. Then all of sudden this summer, he was everywhere to me. First as I have been looking into Christian & Biblical Counseling, his name comes up often. Then I met with the community group pastor of my church who bases some of his small group leader training on 'Inside Out', Crabb's most famous book. About that time, Baker Book's email to people whom want to receive review copies had this book. So, despite the cover, I gave it a try.

I'm really impressed with his writing. In fact, I ordered 'Inside Out' before I even finished reading this book. This book, for one thing, is incredibly honest about prayer. He basically says he doesn't get it. He's not sure it helps, or how it works. I find that kind of candor to be refreshing from a Christian author/publisher.

Most importantly, though, this is the most challenging book I've ever read when it comes to love. What he lays out, and it's not just his idea, he is proof texting this command the whole way, is just too much to handle. He admit's as much, but goes even further, not only can't we love like Jesus, but we often don't want to.

It should hit every reader in the heart when he writes of those of us in the Evangelical church and the way we thing about love and service. We pray for blessing and then love our spouses and our children. We lead Bible Studies, do service projects, and go on mission trips. Isn't that good? Why do more? I honestly feel the same way. But that isn't the love we are called to. That isn't the happiness we are called to. When we do this we are bent inward, often only looking for ourselves. He's not saying that these things are bad, but that must also look at our motives.

Additionally, every believer needs to read at least the part about how American individualism and our current therapeutic culture give us only second thing happiness and actually move us away from the happiness of being fulfilling in Christ.

I really struggled to rate this book, but I think everyone should put it on their list. Anyone looking to study love, 'doing community', loving your neighbor, or even sacrifice should pick this up. The writing isn't quite tight enough for this to be a good book for a study group. It meanders sometimes and he admits he didn't have a full outline before he started and I think at times it shows. But overall, this book will challenge you. Even to the point that you may just say no.

Final Note, I guess more for the publisher, this cover is, honestly, just awful. I almost past up on a free copy of this due to the design. I suppose there is nothing inherently wrong with it, but it looks like it'd be some more from a prosperity gospel guy. It looks very 'spiritual', very 'therapeutic deism'. It just doesn't match the tone of this book. I think the depth of the theology and the intensity of his challenge is far to great for the style of the cover, and really the title, too, but I don't want to keep harping on this.

I received a free copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

Read more reviews at https://mondaymorningtheologian.com/

[Anthony · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to experience the happiness God offers, you will want to read this soul-penetrating book.

[Dr. David Steele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Larry Crabb. A Different Kind of Happiness. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2016. 245 pp. $13.24

These days, happiness appear to be a hot topic. David Murray packaged several books about happiness under the title, A Bundle of Joy: Six Books on Christian Happiness. And Randy Alcorn made a very important contribution with his book, Happiness. Larry Crabb’s new book, A Different Kind of Happiness is a welcome addition and offers new insights which will encourage readers in their Christian journeys.

Crabb presents the purpose of the book at the outset: “To think through what it means to really love and to explore the truth that sets us free to relate closer to the way we wish we could, to love like Jesus.”

Four questions drive the book and help fulfill the purpose presented above:

Is there a kind of love, a better kind, that brings joy when it is given, not when it meets with a satisfying response from another?

Is there a kind of happiness that survives both the most damaging relational pain caused by another and the most discouraging and devastating of circumstances?

Is there a connection, a cause-effect relationship, between offering undistorted love and experiencing strong happiness?

Is Jesus-like happiness as a good feeling, or is it better known as a living and sustaining reality, an awareness of both loving life as it should be lived and a freedom to do so?

Crabb suggests two kinds of happiness:

“Second-thing happiness” is what we experience when life goes well. We feel blessed. We feel happy. Goals are achieved, spiritual disciplines are practiced. Ministry takes place. All these things lead to a feeling of happiness.

“First-thing happiness” is experiencing the joy of Jesus. It is the happiness that Jesus experienced during his earthly ministry. It is the joy that came as he freely gave of himself. We too, experience this kind of joy as we share the overflow of Jesus in our own lives.

A Different Kind of Happiness guides readers on the narrow path in pursuit of the kind of life that Jesus delights in giving his people. This is a weighty book, packed with personal reflection and pain. Crabb writes with a stunning degree of transparency, rarely found among Christian authors these days. He wrestles with doubt, loss, illness, adversity, and uncertainty.

Crabb is candid about the opposition he has received over the years. A few observations that may help critics, both in the past and the present include:

* An emphasis on the gospel that is unapologetic.
* An alignment with the New England Puritans.
* A radically God-centered orientation.
* A repudiation of the secular counseling model.

These observations should go a long way in appeasing Crabb’s critics and invite a new audience of readers that may have been frightened away by any negative reviews.

I don’t agree with everything Larry Crabb writes. But one thing he does: he makes me think. He makes me ponder. He asks difficult questions. This book is no exception. I invite readers to read Dr. Crabb’s latest work. Some quiet reflection and time to ponder the principles here will prompt deep encouragement and lead to a different kind of happiness.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review.

[Gini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who doesn’t want happiness, but what makes for our happiness? Where do we find that happiness? Crabb tackles these questions head on in this book. But, this is no afternoon read with a few pithy sayings to soothe your psyche. The Dr. in the line with his name is that of clinical psychology which he practiced as a Christian counselor for a number of years. He’s most likely to say he’s heard it all. So this book goes a bit deeper than most. A lot deeper than I had anticipated, in fact.
I found the book to be one that I had to put down and think about what I had read for a while before going on to the next chapter or even paragraph in some cases. He has done much thinking about what he puts on the page. Research too, but not just to have an impressive bibliography or set of endnotes. The text, however, is not textbookish. Instead I found it quite accessible, but as I said before in another way it is also dense. This one will take time. While I have read this book, I feel like I need to re-read it to fully grasped what he is saying. I may even find the need to amend this review.
What does he talk about in this book? For starters he differentiates between sorts of happiness or joy. One being derived from good things that please me and another sort that I have to see or even search for the good from a much larger perspective. A perspective that includes more than me and mine clear out to the God view. As we read we discover the two get confused and co-mingled for most of us. The rest of the book examines different facets of that basic theme couched in the narrow way and the broad way of life. Always though he reminds the reader that we are essentially a work in progress or that’s the way I understood it. “Let me be as clear as I can be about one thing: loving like Jesus means loving people while they sin and not loving them more when they celebrate victory over some specific sin. But let me be clear about one more thing: even the most spiritual among us will never love exactly like Jesus in this life.” (38) Encouragement and truth will be mixed as this small quote shows.
If you have found that you want more from life or your relationships including your relationship with God this book might be the starting point in discovering the joy that comes from sacrificial love like the subtitle says. It will at least give you something to consider whether you choose to agree with it or not.
I received this book from the publisher in return for a review.

[Prairie Sky Book Reviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

Have you ever tried reading a book that had a strong message and worthwhile intentions, but you just couldn’t get into it? That was the case for me with Dr. Larry Crabb’s new release, entitled “A Different Kind of Happiness: Discovering the Joy That Comes from Sacrificial Love”. Without question there are many jewels of wisdom found within the pages of this book, but at times the language feels so deep and lengthy that those gems are difficult to uncover. Perhaps a slow and thoughtful reading is what is needed, with plenty of time between chapters to ponder and consider the author’s message...

The purposes of this book, I believe, are many. The primary and overarching one, however, is delving into the description and action plan of walking through life on the narrow road, just as Jesus revealed to us in Matthew 7:13-14. The individual chapters of this book contain ideas that help to explain this truth, such as:
- “Who Am I?: Dr. Jekyll? Mr. Hyde? Both?”
- “Does Anyone Want to Be Happy, Like Jesus?”
- “The One Prayer God Always Answers”
- “Good News in Any Difficult Relationship or Circumstance”

Many other ideas also fill the pages of “A Different Kind of Happiness”. However, I’m honestly not sure I could tell you what they are because, quite simply, I found them difficult to discern and understand. I don’t usually have trouble understanding books of this kind, but in this case I did. If you are looking for an in-depth look at how to walk the narrow road of life, this book will likely fill your mind with many ideas to ponder and explore. In my case, I believe it was just not the right time for me to read it - but please know that I do not wish to detract from its potential value in any way. My best recommendation is that if the ideas mentioned above sound interesting to you, give “A Different Kind of Happiness” a try for yourself... it may be a book that will change the course of your life.

I am grateful to have received a copy of this book from Baker Books Bloggers, free of charge, in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.

[Shaun Lee · Rating 1 out of 5]

I struggled to remain interested in the words I was reading and felt sharply disconnected from Crabb's style of writing. I was extremely uncomfortable by his strawman approach to rebutting a comment by John Frame, which he did not elaborate much about what it was and simply passed a few paragraphs of comments that I could not really see the logical flow to. The Scripture passages quoted, if any, followed neither biblical nor systematic theological frameworks. Most of the time though, I found the assertions made were not backed with clear support from Scripture or the field of psychology. Having recently read a book by another Christian psychologist, Dr. Everett Worthington, perhaps set the mental bar of expectation too high; I had hoped and expected to see psychology being governed by the authority of Scripture being explained in layman terminology... But it was not to be.

As I flipped to the back page to check the list of endorsements, I see that the majority are pastors (not theologians, as I'd imagine bible scholars would often be scratching their heads at the multiple verse citing approach to Scripture). It is not often that I read a book that I dislike so much, so I did a quick search on what other reviewers commented, and most had 4 or 5 star ratings for it. So my guess is that this book was written for a very different kind of audience. It would appeal to readers who are looking for a Scripture-light, massively conversational and highly instructional book.

I received this book from the Baker Publishing Group's Blogger Program for the purposes of providing an unbiased review. All views are my own.

[Rachelle Sperling · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve taken my time reading through this book. As I’ve attended Dr. Crabb’s School of Spiritual Direction and listened to him teach over the last five years I had a head start on much of the content in this book. And yet, there was so much to absorb, so much to wrestle through in my own life that it took me three months to make my way through A Different Kind of Happiness.

In some of his books Dr. Crabb spends a good deal of time repeating his theme over and over again in new ways to really drive his point home. In this book, I felt like the writing was constantly moving forward with little of the repetition that I expected. Perhaps that is why I slowed down in my reading: I didn’t want to miss a thing.

I especially loved the second half of the book that focuses in on seven questions and their answers (both the answers the Bible gives and the ones that we frequently hear from the enemy).

This is a challenging book, a book for anyone who wants to love like Jesus. It is a book that is desperately needed in a world where we have (at large) forgotten what true love looks like. And it is a book that helps us find the great joy and happiness that real love brings, even when it comes with a significant cost.

[Kierkegaard's Pancakes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Over the years Crabb has presented the church with a "New Testament psychology" that centers our lives on God. Crabb has a way of untangling the strands of behavior and spirituality, to show how each should and shouldn't influence the other. Always readable, Crabb relates to the reader as a very flawed man who is along on the journey with us, that said, it is possible to disagree with Crabb and still be provoked and convicted.

Like the best kinds of spiritual books, this can be taken up and dropped as needed and for some, can be used as an excellent devotional. For me, Crabb provided a "blessed rebuke" to how I think about my relationship with God. Crabb did this by asking if; our quest for God is really the seeking for a comfortable life? He repeatedly proved that, this maybe the case, by dividing our desires into "first" and "second" things. The "second things" being all those things that offer us a comfortable life, most often at the expense of the "First" thing, which is God.

Definitely a reread, since it is a call to humility, intellectual and spiritual honesty. Always good to have tucked away in the "spiritual tool kit".

[Zachary Houle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Boy! Have I just finished a book that is just seems rather simple to gleam on the surface, but feels incredibly densely packed with ideas. That book would be Dr. Larry Crabb’s A Different Kind of Happiness: Discovering the Joy That Comes from Sacrificial Love. I almost don’t know what to make of it, aside from the fact that I lost interest kind of by the time I got to the book’s last half. (The reasons for why will become evident momentarily.)

The book is published by Baker Books, which is an evangelical publishing house. Now, I feel that as a leftie Christian, I can learn from those on the right and not just criticize the right. As I’ve stated before, so long as you don’t use your religious leanings or Bible to hurt others, it’s all good. And I don’t think that Crabb is out to hurt anyone. Possibly the opposite. It may just be that, in some respects and despite a good message, this book was a little too much on the punitive side of the right for me to really glean from it. Saying that Jesus had joy on the cross was a little … ehhh, no for me.

Red more here: https://medium.com/@zachary_houle/a-r...

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Happiness.

It is something that many seek and they try to find it in a plethora of ways. Advertisers knows this and give the illusion of happiness by the purchase of their products/services. Sadly, many believe the lie that things provide the happiness that seems to allude us continually.

What if happiness, true happiness can be found? What if it was found not in possessions but something else?

In his book, A Different Kind of Happiness, Dr. Larry Crabb gives ample evidence that happiness is found in sacrificial love. By seeking to love others we find true happiness. Why? Because God sacrificed for us and being made in His image when we sacrifice it is as if we are reminded that we are His image bearers. God is the source of happiness. It makes sense to do as He did.
*I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

[Ken · Rating 4 out of 5]

Larry Crabb has been a mentor to me over the years. He is an expert at diagnosing the heart and identifying the problem. He does not have pat solutions which can leave you frustrated, but I think is real life. You are left with a great yearning to know the Lord deeply, and understand there is a long, narrow road that we Christian pilgrims stumble along. Larry is a good spiritual director for the journey.