The Lonely Search for God

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

Nouwen shares an exploration of his own struggles with loneliness, hostility an illusion, reflecting on the profound insight that these negative expereinces often reveal what is most precious in their opposities--solitude, hospitality and prayer.

Genres: Christian, Theology, Christianity, Christian Living, Audiobook

Audio Cassette

First published May 1, 1995

About the author

Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.

Reviews

[Donovan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this quote: “Lord, help me to see that solitude does not pull me away from our fellow human being, but instead, makes real fellowship possible. Without a solitude of heart, the intimacy of friendship, marriage, and community life cannot be created. Without a solitude of heart, my relationships with others easily become needy and greedy, sticky and clingy, dependent and sentimental, exploitative and parasitic. Because without a solitude of heart, I cannot listen to the other as different from me, but only as the one who might possibly satisfy my unfulfilled needs.”

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listed to the audio version of this and it was a little hard to understand with his accent but it is packed full of little nuggets of incredible wisdom I’d love to study further. This would be great in book form for taking the time to really dig into. I may need to read it again in physical form if it’s printed anywhere.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is hard but beautiful. I pray that I will learn to turn loneliness into solitude and hostility into hospitality as I grow deeper in my relationship with my Beloved. This book challenged me and changed me and it’s one I plan to listen to again and again.

Aug 2021 - still just as good the second time through ❤️ this has a Lewis or Chambers feel, and I love it

[K.V. Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoy this book so much. It is short yet it goes straight to the point. English is not my native language, so I struggled a little with his accent but it didn’t influenced my understanding.

[Ánder · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a short yet very insightful book.

Actually, it is not a book, but a series of lectures given by Nouwen and recorded to be in audiobook format. I have read several books by Nouwen, but it was my first time hearing his voice. This serve to increase the power of the message, as his tone of voice helped convey the deep yet kind nature of his message.

Indeed, these lectures flow naturally between two aspects of human life. Realities that are not positive per se yet their presence and influence is obvious to any human being (loneliness, hostility, and illusions), give place to solitude, hospitality, and prayer. Nouwen, as he usually does, invites us to embrace our frailty and by doing so, encourages us to deepen our spiritual life.

As always, I was moved and invited to reflection after hearing Nouwen's message. I think every Christian should listen to this, especially since it is so short.

There are not a lot of negative aspects. Someone familiar with Nouwen's writing could feel that these lectures are repetitive. However, that is not necessarily a bad thing, important messages need to be told several times. Also, one only repeats that which considers important. So it is good to hear some of his main ideas from his own mouth. I did feel, nevertheless, that the last transition from illusion to prayer is not as obvious as the first two. This makes it feel a bit forced, but even if it is not from illusion that one should change, the emphasis in prayer is a good reminder for every Christian.

Overall, I highly recommend this audiobook. If you have a chance, separate some quiet time and have a one-on-one session with Nouwen himself; you will leave a better person than before.

[divineprisoner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first Nouwen book, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading (listening to) it. Nouwen goes through how to turn loneliness into solitude, hostility into hospitality, and illusion into prayer. There was so many good things about this book and I was surprised by how much I could relate to the struggles Nouwen described- struggles that anyone could relate to.

If you are interested in introspection of the self, revealing layers of your (possibly false) perception of your own spiritual and mundane life, this is a book I highly encourage you to read and then reread.

There is much wisdom and many revelations to be had from reading this, and this book could reach multiple groups of people; people who are lonely and lost, people who are into mysticism, people who struggle with their relationships towards others, and people who are looking for a different perspective.

I can't wait to revisit and listen to this book again.

[Jenel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Two favorite quotes:
“Only few happy endings have made me happy, but often someone’s careful and honest articulation of the ambiguities, uncertainties and conditions of life have given me new hope, courage and confidence. New life is born out of the pains of the old.”

“There is much mental suffering in our world but some of it is suffering for the wrong reasons. Because it is born out of the false expectation that we are called to take each other’s loneliness away.”

Loneliness is necessary for us to experience solitude with God.

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

A deeply meaningful and rich book.
I've read several books by Nouwen and often return to him, and this is the first time I've heard his voice. I had to slow down my audiobook speed (from 2x to 1.5x) due to it being an old recording and listening to his accented voice.
But it felt like I was learning at his feet - it is so full of insight though, reading a print version would also be helpful to absorb it all. Or come back to the audiobook with purely a contemplative mindset.

[Melody · Rating 4 out of 5]

Truly a moment with foci on tuning in to personal reflection on personal human conditons with God as the center. Solitude, hospitality and prayer. As God intended or as human condition shapes them? Worth a revisit anytime life seems unstable, lobely or uncertain which is quite often. However, I loved that Nouwen pointed out our tendency to seek others thpughts instead of sitting with the discomfort .

[Abigail G · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting look into the idea of what is solitude, hospitality, and prayer. Many of the concepts expressed were genuinely applicable to every person's life especially now as we rethink interpersonal interaction.

[Jared Kassebaum · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will be re-listening to this (series of targeted lectures) very soon. Perhaps regularly. His view of loneliness turning to beautiful solitude that we then take with us back into relationships has stayed in my mind. I will be listening to or reading more Nouwen soon.

[Claudiu · Rating 5 out of 5]

vulnerable, insightful, wise - nouwen’s anthropology is even more beautiful than his theology.

“Nobody in this life will be exempted from being human. And how much do we desire such exception…” - that’s how you start a chapter!

[Dena McGoldrick Butler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loneliness into solitude
Hostility into hospitality
Prayer is the awareness of Christ's presence in the reality of his absence
The christian life is a waiting life
Prayer brings us from false certainties to true uncertainties

[Cindy Berry · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Henri Nouwen. And though I did walk away with a few gems from this book, it is not my favorite. His insights into loneliness vs.solitude is thought-provoking, as well as his opinions on community.

[Matt · Rating 1 out of 5]

Audiobook. Quit 1/4 of the way in. Seemed like a stream of conscious approach...came off as a strange rant. Not clearly articulated!

[J.J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Addresses the difference of loneliness versus solitude and how the world and Christians should seek the latter in a society which often causes the former.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen never disappoints.

[Quinn Torgerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this should be a must read for all, believer or not. I wonder if people read this, how much positive change would happen due to us taking care of our inner selves.

[Mary Diebel · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was a lot about prayer, which made me want to read it again.

[Tabitha Driver · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is this the same content as Reaching Out --just in lecture/audio format?