The Shelf Life of Ashes: A Memoir

by Hollis Giammatteo

When Hollis Giammatteo sought a job working with the elderly, she did so with the intention of finding models of healthy aging. And she failed. In The Shelf Life of Ashes, Giammatteo chronicles her experiences with her wards, as well as the trip she embarks upon when her mother, who is convinced she is dying, entreats her to come “home.” Trips back, traumas triggered, identity in crisis, equanimity gained―this quasi-comic, concentrated journey engages the reader in the process of naming and facing the tasks involved in growing old, while asking a simple but weighted Can aging be done well?

270 pages, Paperback

First published May 10, 2016

Reviews

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This memoir is an honest, perceptive and realistic look at the aging process and how end-of-life plans can go awry.
Is there a Map or Plan that works? Hollis does her best to try and find one.
Reviewed at: http://pennyformythoughts-nona.blogsp...

[Linda Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a sad memoir. It tells of a woman's commitment to be present for her aging adoptive parents while at the same time being unable to feel the love and connection that would have made this journey pleasant for her. I felt throughout the reading that she wrote for healing of childhood traumas. Her entire life seemed to be in a state of coping with a great sadness that could never end. She eventually found peace through Buddhism.

I agreed to read the memoir because it was presented to me as a woman working with the elderly in order to prepare herself for aging. Since I'm at that end of life as well, I thought it could help me to bear witness to her experiences. Unfortunately, I did not feel that she had a happy experience of helping the extremely elderly, sometimes senile people she was assigned to. Nor did she find joy in being a sometimes-companion to her adoptive mother during those final years before the inevitable death.

Now, before you think that the entire memoir was a bummer to read, let me assure you it wasn't all that bad. Hollis Giammatteo has an amazing writing style. At first I thought it meandered too much, but after a few chapters I began to see beauty in her sentences and choices about what sector of her life to write about. It all worked together to show the ways her life experiences worked together to make her into the person she is now. I especially appreciated reading about her experience in trying to build a relationship with her birth mother. Also, chapter 13 about her experience of Christian Science was of great interest to me.

Hollis' adoptive mother was a dedicated Christian Scientist and raised her in that religion. Her observations about Christian Science writings and services matched my experience of it as well. I was happy to read that I wasn't the only one completely mystified about the meanings of Mary Baker Eddy's writing. Here was a woman who was raised in that church, who was willing to say it just made no good sense. Tragic, to be forced into that cult by a woman obsessed with it. I ended up having a lot of sympathy for Hollis. Understanding the losses of her childhood helped me understand more of why she became who she is today.

Hollis is gay, married to another woman. She didn't write much about that aspect of her life - other than to occasionally mention her wife, Dana. Since I've never been gay and am in fact, a Christian, I wondered if that would make this a difficult reading experience for me. The answer is no ... it didn't interfere with my enjoyment of this book in any way. I have a great appreciation for the author's talent in writing such a great, albeit slightly depressing memoir. The style and depth of her writing is truly remarkable. She explores subjects about parental relationships that most of us never have to deal with. I'm grateful for the sharing of her life.

I recommend this book to other writers who would like to study her writing style, which I found remarkable and worthy of perusal.

I initially found this book at NetGalley and planned to read it in exchange for the manuscript. Unfortunately, I failed to download the galley back in 2016 when it was offered to me. It ended up in a list on my account there called "Archived, Not Downloaded." I decided to redeem my Netgalley account by finding those books and reviewing them anyway. I purchased a Kindle copy from Amazon. No regrets! I'm so glad I bought the book and really enjoyed reading it despite the sometimes-somber subject matter. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for considering me as a reader, even though it took until 2022 for me to actually complete the deal.

[Abigail Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

She definitely has a way with words.

[Diana Paul · Rating 3 out of 5]

Giammatteo, Hollis—The Shelf Life of Ashes: A Memoir

Giammatteo invites the reader to leap into the reservoir of the heart with both profound insight and engaging humor. “The Shelf Life of Ashes” is a journey into identity, family aging, and death with an infusion of Buddhist compassion. The author also deals with adoption and the challenges of personal identity:
p.12 “…forever pounding my issues like meat, forever working to solve “the adoption problem”, as if I were masticating gristle.

Raised a Christian Scientist, Giammatteo became Buddhist and reflects on mpermanence and meditation as she is getting older. A unique perspective and an important one, The Shelf Life of Ashes is a glimpse into the mind of the author who has experienced both religions.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Shelf Life of Ashes is Hollis Giammatteo's fresh, funny, essential take on how caring for aging people--both professionally and, later, her own parents-- shaped her views of the world and of herself. Giammatteo writes in a distinctly dry, sometimes droll yet also frequently poetic, honest, self-deprecating voice about caring for her adoptive mother in her final years after a lifetime of fraught and frustrating attempts at love. Unflinching, insightful, with a power that sneaks up on the reader.

[Donna Cochener · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fascinating memoir, a memoir written before the story was really told and then not so much edited but commented upon by the author once the story had reached a certain ripeness. There is so much to be found in the contemplation of her own words, and something authentic about not changing those words, not fixing up the text but instead viewing it from the distance of a few years and reflecting on them. The stories themselves, about family and identity and aging and death and the hard things of life, are wonderfully told with a razor sharp wit and keen eye for the nuances and truth in the world, unflinching about both herself and her exploration of the world. Hollis has lived a life far more well-examined than most, and I so enjoyed the opportunity to have a glimpse into it for a few minutes.