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The Autism Spectrum Guide to Sexuality and Relationships: Understand Yourself and Make Choices that are Right for You
Unravelling the complexities of relationships and sexuality, this straight-talking guide will help you to navigate the associated social, emotional and physical issues. Expert advice and real life examples give you the knowledge to reflect on your own sexuality, provide you with information on different types of relationship, and gives you the confidence to decide which type of relationship is right for you. Together with important information on sexual health, this book will help you to understand how to find and maintain a relationship of your choosing in a safe and enjoyable way. Exploring the often unspoken rules of sex and relationships, this book also covers often unaddressed topics, such · what sexual attraction looks and feels like
· how to identify your own sexual identity and preferences (and how they may change)
· what your rights are, and how to stay safe
· having children, or choosing not to, the impact of this on relationships
· how to recognise power imbalances within relationships, and what to do
· how to identify your own sexual identity and preferences (and how they may change)
· what your rights are, and how to stay safe
· having children, or choosing not to, the impact of this on relationships
· how to recognise power imbalances within relationships, and what to do
280 pages, Paperback
First published March 21, 2016
21 people are currently reading
227 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
January 4, 2021
DNF in chapter 4, will actually be seeking a refund bc wow NO. I’m also considering actually contacting the publisher about it, such is my absolute horror at this book.
I’m really stunned Jessica Kingsley Publishers published this, because they’re normally so good with books about autism and sexuality. I see that the author holds a lot of autism related positions in academia (and may herself be autistic), so I’m even more baffled by the lack of citations in this book. I am thinking she is very, very, very unlikely to be anything other than a cisgender straight woman, because I can’t see someone who is LGBT+ doing this.
(Side-note: I am autistic and queer).
CW: Homophobia and associated slurs
This book makes incredibly sweeping, potentially damaging statements without statistics to back them up, without much real understanding of nuance.
For example, in a table about relationships between employees in universities, it says that if you work in the same department and subject as someone, they WILL be your ‘bitter enemy’ who ‘may be nice to you in your presence, but will sabotage your work and talk negatively about you to others whenever you are not around.’ No other possibility is presented
A few direct quotes that also illustrate the problem of damaging, sweeping statements:
1) ‘Most polygamous families consist of one heterosexual male who is married to two or more heterosexual females who share looking after the man and any resultant children.’
2) ‘Many lesbians claim they cannot enjoy sexual activities unless they are in love and express a preference for long-term monogamous relationships.’
3) ‘Gay men can appear to be more willing to have open relationships, where they live with their long-term committed partner and have sex with other people whenever they want, but never in their own home.’
None of the above claims are backed up in any way.
Another utterly damaging thing it does is give slurs for various sexualities as if they are synonyms. Direct quote below, including the slurs in full. Punctuation is also preserved.
‘There are different words for men attracted to men; for example, gay, fag, poof or queer. Women who are sexually attracted to other women are referred to as lesbians, lezzies, queers or dykes.’
The book does go in to say that ‘many of the words to describe homosexual men or women are used as insults in school’ and that this is ‘less common in the workplace’ but it does not explicitly explain that some of these words are outright slurs, or that some of them or slurs that have been reclaimed by some parts of the LGBT+ community.
Instead, it treats each description as of its exactly the same as the other words in the list, giving the impression that they are interchangeable. This impression is further compounded by an anecdotal story from a gay woman, about how ‘lesbian’ was used as an insult at school, so she didn’t initially realise it actually was a perfectly sound word. This then implies that the other words (such as f*g) are also perfectly valid ways to describe a homosexual person.
Like, this is a book for autistic people. Way more clarity is needed about the complexities of what is socially acceptable and what isn’t, especially if this is read by an autistic person who is young and/or not very well-informed about relationships... aka the target freaking audience.
I’m really stunned Jessica Kingsley Publishers published this, because they’re normally so good with books about autism and sexuality. I see that the author holds a lot of autism related positions in academia (and may herself be autistic), so I’m even more baffled by the lack of citations in this book. I am thinking she is very, very, very unlikely to be anything other than a cisgender straight woman, because I can’t see someone who is LGBT+ doing this.
(Side-note: I am autistic and queer).
CW: Homophobia and associated slurs
This book makes incredibly sweeping, potentially damaging statements without statistics to back them up, without much real understanding of nuance.
For example, in a table about relationships between employees in universities, it says that if you work in the same department and subject as someone, they WILL be your ‘bitter enemy’ who ‘may be nice to you in your presence, but will sabotage your work and talk negatively about you to others whenever you are not around.’ No other possibility is presented
A few direct quotes that also illustrate the problem of damaging, sweeping statements:
1) ‘Most polygamous families consist of one heterosexual male who is married to two or more heterosexual females who share looking after the man and any resultant children.’
2) ‘Many lesbians claim they cannot enjoy sexual activities unless they are in love and express a preference for long-term monogamous relationships.’
3) ‘Gay men can appear to be more willing to have open relationships, where they live with their long-term committed partner and have sex with other people whenever they want, but never in their own home.’
None of the above claims are backed up in any way.
Another utterly damaging thing it does is give slurs for various sexualities as if they are synonyms. Direct quote below, including the slurs in full. Punctuation is also preserved.
‘There are different words for men attracted to men; for example, gay, fag, poof or queer. Women who are sexually attracted to other women are referred to as lesbians, lezzies, queers or dykes.’
The book does go in to say that ‘many of the words to describe homosexual men or women are used as insults in school’ and that this is ‘less common in the workplace’ but it does not explicitly explain that some of these words are outright slurs, or that some of them or slurs that have been reclaimed by some parts of the LGBT+ community.
Instead, it treats each description as of its exactly the same as the other words in the list, giving the impression that they are interchangeable. This impression is further compounded by an anecdotal story from a gay woman, about how ‘lesbian’ was used as an insult at school, so she didn’t initially realise it actually was a perfectly sound word. This then implies that the other words (such as f*g) are also perfectly valid ways to describe a homosexual person.
Like, this is a book for autistic people. Way more clarity is needed about the complexities of what is socially acceptable and what isn’t, especially if this is read by an autistic person who is young and/or not very well-informed about relationships... aka the target freaking audience.
July 22, 2016
I used to tell people that I wish someone would just lay out the rules of socializing in written format. Finally found a book that does! Love it. Tells everything in a very straight-forward format. Does not presume anything about the reader. Written for a British audience. Describes all kinds of relationships, not just sexual/romantic ones.
September 28, 2017
Table of Contents
Foreword by Dr Wenn Lawson.
Foreword by Jeanette Purkis.
Introduction.
1. Overview of Relationships and Sexuality.
2. Gender.
3. Types of Sexuality.
4. Types of Relationships.
5. Understanding Your Own Sexuality.
6. Understanding the Sexuality of Others.
7. Sexual Relationships.
8. Non-sexual Relationships.
9. Starting Sexual Relationships.
10. Sexual Relationships in Real Life.
11. Meeting Online and Transitioning to Real Life.
12. Ending Relationships.
13. Reasons Why You Should End Long-term Relationships.
14. Maintaining Long-term Relationships.
15. Sexual Activity and Sexual Pleasure.
16. Sexual Activity By Yourself.
17. Sexual Activity with Someone Else.
18. Having Children (Your Own and Others') and How this Affects Relationships.
19. Choosing Not to Have Children.
20. Physical and Mental Health and Relationships.
21. Physical and Mental Health and Sexual Activity. Summary.
Foreword by Dr Wenn Lawson.
Foreword by Jeanette Purkis.
Introduction.
1. Overview of Relationships and Sexuality.
2. Gender.
3. Types of Sexuality.
4. Types of Relationships.
5. Understanding Your Own Sexuality.
6. Understanding the Sexuality of Others.
7. Sexual Relationships.
8. Non-sexual Relationships.
9. Starting Sexual Relationships.
10. Sexual Relationships in Real Life.
11. Meeting Online and Transitioning to Real Life.
12. Ending Relationships.
13. Reasons Why You Should End Long-term Relationships.
14. Maintaining Long-term Relationships.
15. Sexual Activity and Sexual Pleasure.
16. Sexual Activity By Yourself.
17. Sexual Activity with Someone Else.
18. Having Children (Your Own and Others') and How this Affects Relationships.
19. Choosing Not to Have Children.
20. Physical and Mental Health and Relationships.
21. Physical and Mental Health and Sexual Activity. Summary.
August 21, 2020
I've been reading this book on and off for months. I bought the book because some of my autistic games group were asking questions and I didn't have all the answers. I found this book easy to read. It is aimed at a teenage/young adult audience of autistic people just going into relationships and needing to understand themselves. I think it is very comprehensive and helpful reading. Certain paragraphs on sexuality and gender identity could do with specialist input, and are a bit simplistic, but it is probably an area that interested people will go on to look up for themselves.
July 26, 2024
This book was full of inaccuracies. For example, equating being intersex with being transgender, or stating stereotypes about lesbians and gay men as truth. I don't think that the author consulted very much with any LGBTQ+ folks when writing about them. There were also lots of gendered stereotypes, for example, that women usually only want to date one person at a time but that men will usually date multiple people at a time. Making statements like this is harmful and wrongheaded.
October 3, 2019
De doelgroep van dit boek is helaas eerder beperkt, en het boek richt zich toch vooral op een Brits publiek van mensen met al wat bewustzijn en kennis van (mensen met) autisme. Een positief punt aan het boek is wel dat het allerhande relatievormen bespreekt, niet slechts seksuele of romantische.
February 25, 2023
Not as informative as I had hoped but there was still some good, helpful information in there.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews