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Hornito: My Lie Life – A Rip-Roaringly Funny and Sympathetic Gay Story
“A gay coming-of-age story that’s rip-roaringly funny and sympathetic.”— People David Sedaris and Sandra Bernhard rolled into one, Mike Albo offers his own unique, witty, and touching tale on being young, single, and gay in today's media-obsessed culture. Juxtaposing a trip to his childhood home—where he has retreated to try to make some sense of his hectic existence in New York City—with memories of growing up gay in seventies suburbia, Albo creates "Mike Albo." This character's memories are from a fictitious life that's outrageous, hilarious, and embarrassingly real. From a typical suburban childhood to his perpetual search for true love, Albo evokes a poignant, nostalgic past and a vibrant, energetic present. By turns vulnerable and jaded, flamboyant and obsessive, Hornito is full of subversive humor and outrageous irony.
256 pages, Paperback
First published October 3, 2000
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
July 6, 2023
Names, details, song titles, brands, smells, and boys boys boys. Boys everywhere overwhelming and just out of reach.
Living in a city with a roommate and hookups, bars and back rooms, tequila and go-go dancers, the smell of men and slices of sensation. A montage of memory. One man evokes another and they all slide through your arms when you squeeze too hard.
Crabs. Snips and snails, slime trails, and crabs. Itching like a memory, a scratch like a promise. Threatening like a promise to remember something that everyone else prefers to forget.
Living in a city with a roommate and hookups, bars and back rooms, tequila and go-go dancers, the smell of men and slices of sensation. A montage of memory. One man evokes another and they all slide through your arms when you squeeze too hard.
Crabs. Snips and snails, slime trails, and crabs. Itching like a memory, a scratch like a promise. Threatening like a promise to remember something that everyone else prefers to forget.
May 2, 2021
I cruised through this. Pun totally intended. It’s hilarious, real and true except it’s neither real nor true. It tells the story of a Gen X gay dude — switching back and forth from his nostalgic viewpoint as a young man surviving the 70s and that of his “happy” adult self in naughty 1990s NYC. Toward the end of the book his two stories brilliantly collide and it becomes quite difficult to separate the two selves. In fact, it became difficult for me to separate my own self—everything seemed so real and super dreamy.
I remember this book but I totally don’t remember this book. I know I read it before—it came off my shelves; there’s even notes.. in the margins.. in my handwriting. Mostly just boys’ names. I only remember some of the boys. That’s probably why I don’t remember this book. Boy, I cannot wait to read this in another 20 years.
I remember this book but I totally don’t remember this book. I know I read it before—it came off my shelves; there’s even notes.. in the margins.. in my handwriting. Mostly just boys’ names. I only remember some of the boys. That’s probably why I don’t remember this book. Boy, I cannot wait to read this in another 20 years.
July 11, 2023
I wrote a long review for this then Goodreads crashed before I hit done and deleted it all and now I’m annoyed and don’t have the will to write it again.
So I’ll just say this, give me every gay coming of age novel or memoir there is and I will devour them. We as gay men need to read about these shared emotions and thoughts no matter how unique or specific the actual experience may be to the writer. I have felt what Albo felt. I have thought what Albo thought. We share these emotions, and we are together in these journeys.
I laughed, and I cringed, and I hoped, and I enjoyed the journey of this book. Is this for everyone, no. But, our journeys as gay men shouldn’t be for everyone, and I wish more authors wrote more books about experiences that people who don’t get it, won’t get.
A quick review that pales in comparison to the lengthy one I wrote before it, but that’s the jist. I will definitely be seeking out Albo’s other books.
So I’ll just say this, give me every gay coming of age novel or memoir there is and I will devour them. We as gay men need to read about these shared emotions and thoughts no matter how unique or specific the actual experience may be to the writer. I have felt what Albo felt. I have thought what Albo thought. We share these emotions, and we are together in these journeys.
I laughed, and I cringed, and I hoped, and I enjoyed the journey of this book. Is this for everyone, no. But, our journeys as gay men shouldn’t be for everyone, and I wish more authors wrote more books about experiences that people who don’t get it, won’t get.
A quick review that pales in comparison to the lengthy one I wrote before it, but that’s the jist. I will definitely be seeking out Albo’s other books.
September 16, 2010
I'm deep in the middle of this one.
Basically author Mike Albo alternates between the preteen proto-gay years of a character named "Mike Albo" and "Albo"'s New York City 'adult' existence--full of loneliness, horniness, psychological dysfunction, psycho babble, brand worship, false friends, false starts, fleeting alliances, fashion faux pas's.
Albo has a keen eye and ear for cultural detritus and phony chit-chat. You know exactly the type of TV show/apparel/person he's talking about. It's painful send-up and honest self-assessment at the same time.
Is there a plot, an arc? I haven't seen it yet.
But so far, it's delicious in its pain, honesty and nastiness.
Basically author Mike Albo alternates between the preteen proto-gay years of a character named "Mike Albo" and "Albo"'s New York City 'adult' existence--full of loneliness, horniness, psychological dysfunction, psycho babble, brand worship, false friends, false starts, fleeting alliances, fashion faux pas's.
Albo has a keen eye and ear for cultural detritus and phony chit-chat. You know exactly the type of TV show/apparel/person he's talking about. It's painful send-up and honest self-assessment at the same time.
Is there a plot, an arc? I haven't seen it yet.
But so far, it's delicious in its pain, honesty and nastiness.
November 19, 2025
i picked this up in the very tiny “gay erotica” section of my local used bookstore lmao so i wasn’t really expecting much? but then mike albo was a guest on a podcast i listen to and i decided to pick it up off my shelf and boy i was surprised!
dry and cynically funny, romantic & observant. really not “erotica” tbh… wild to me how relatable it is - albo nails the ennui of gay frontal lobe development & ties brilliantly the threads between childhood/adolescent sexuality & early adulthood.
some of the formal choices didn’t work as much for me but i wasn’t mad about it
dry and cynically funny, romantic & observant. really not “erotica” tbh… wild to me how relatable it is - albo nails the ennui of gay frontal lobe development & ties brilliantly the threads between childhood/adolescent sexuality & early adulthood.
some of the formal choices didn’t work as much for me but i wasn’t mad about it
October 29, 2019
The recollections of the 17-18 year old Mike are funny, poignant, and identifiable...but the experiences and thoughts of the 27-28 year old Mike are sad and fatalistic. Not all stories have happy endings.
January 9, 2025
I don't have many words for this book other than they need to be hosed down with cold water. The novel also started off slow. The writing style is very different than what most are used to.
June 17, 2018
I chose this book as part of a 30 Days of Pride Book Review project. This is that review :
“They must make A-200 smell nostalgic so that when you use it your grandparents float around you like ghosts, and you feel even more dirty as you rid yourself of crabs,” thinks our life-wearied protagonist, Mike Albo, as he hides in the bathroom of his childhood home, at 28, surreptitiously ridding himself of the crabs that have been plaguing his genitals on the entire bus ride home from New York City, where his life is a mess of his own creating.
This book is a wild ride of self-deprecating humor, awkwardness, sexual awakening, neuroticism, pathos and ennui… all pasted together in a sort of nostalgic trip down memory lane from growing up gay in 70s suburbia to becoming the sort of adult who thinks, “Oh if you only knew what was ahead of you,” at teenagers on busses.
I LOVE this man's narrative voice!
I laughed out loud so many times while reading this novel! It was like listening to a vibrant recounting of an embarrassing story told by a well loved friend. I chuckled and smiled through his awkwardness and felt deeply for him at the same time. I never felt like the story dragged or was dull. He just came across as such an actively engaging narrator.
I felt close to Mike Albo by the end...by the time we'd come full circle in his “quest for true love” from childhood longing, teenage lust, adult sexual miscalculations and back to where we met, in his childhood home where he is currently recovering from the crabs of shame, the victim of making the same choices over and over again and still finding himself surprised by the results. He is just so perfectly flawed, funny, human, and tragic... The kind of character I just want to be friends with, despite their many many faults.
The only negative thing that jumped out at me was that the first-person present-tense narrative could be jarring when the narrative shifts suddenly and fluidly through time from points in Albo’s youth to points just a few months prior and back to where the story began...but after getting used to it, I decided that it made a kind of sense. As he is reliving those moments in his mind they are currently happening. He is right there living them again. Time is sort of elastic in this novel, which adds to the nostalgic quality. His youth is presented more as an amalgamation of experiences that sort of become the moments he chooses to share, rather than a straight forward timeline from point A to Z. It gives the narrative a sort of dreamy realism. Time in memories can be sort of elastic.
So, do I recommend this book? That would be a resounding, “yes!” This book brought me so much joy. Read it! Do yourself a favor.
Time to put it on the project scales.
So... this book doesn't really make much of an impression on my Queer Counterculture Visibility scale, which I invented to quantify how much each book I read for this project shed a light of representation on less visible members of the community. Mike Albo is a white gay boy from Suburbia. But there is rather a large cast of acquaintances and sexual partners, a grab bag variety, so for whatever that much representation is worth… I'll rate it
1 out of 5 stars
I'm not even sure how to rate this on my Genre Expectation scale…. What even is the genre of this novel? I checked to see how the Library of Congress categorized it and it said Gay Youth--fiction and Suburban Life--fiction… which is just…¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If there was a genre specifically for darkly-comic fictionalized memoirs, then this book and “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius,” would be the gold standard for it. I'm rating it:
5 out of 5 stars
Because it's my scale and I can use it however I like.
“They must make A-200 smell nostalgic so that when you use it your grandparents float around you like ghosts, and you feel even more dirty as you rid yourself of crabs,” thinks our life-wearied protagonist, Mike Albo, as he hides in the bathroom of his childhood home, at 28, surreptitiously ridding himself of the crabs that have been plaguing his genitals on the entire bus ride home from New York City, where his life is a mess of his own creating.
This book is a wild ride of self-deprecating humor, awkwardness, sexual awakening, neuroticism, pathos and ennui… all pasted together in a sort of nostalgic trip down memory lane from growing up gay in 70s suburbia to becoming the sort of adult who thinks, “Oh if you only knew what was ahead of you,” at teenagers on busses.
I LOVE this man's narrative voice!
I laughed out loud so many times while reading this novel! It was like listening to a vibrant recounting of an embarrassing story told by a well loved friend. I chuckled and smiled through his awkwardness and felt deeply for him at the same time. I never felt like the story dragged or was dull. He just came across as such an actively engaging narrator.
I felt close to Mike Albo by the end...by the time we'd come full circle in his “quest for true love” from childhood longing, teenage lust, adult sexual miscalculations and back to where we met, in his childhood home where he is currently recovering from the crabs of shame, the victim of making the same choices over and over again and still finding himself surprised by the results. He is just so perfectly flawed, funny, human, and tragic... The kind of character I just want to be friends with, despite their many many faults.
The only negative thing that jumped out at me was that the first-person present-tense narrative could be jarring when the narrative shifts suddenly and fluidly through time from points in Albo’s youth to points just a few months prior and back to where the story began...but after getting used to it, I decided that it made a kind of sense. As he is reliving those moments in his mind they are currently happening. He is right there living them again. Time is sort of elastic in this novel, which adds to the nostalgic quality. His youth is presented more as an amalgamation of experiences that sort of become the moments he chooses to share, rather than a straight forward timeline from point A to Z. It gives the narrative a sort of dreamy realism. Time in memories can be sort of elastic.
So, do I recommend this book? That would be a resounding, “yes!” This book brought me so much joy. Read it! Do yourself a favor.
Time to put it on the project scales.
So... this book doesn't really make much of an impression on my Queer Counterculture Visibility scale, which I invented to quantify how much each book I read for this project shed a light of representation on less visible members of the community. Mike Albo is a white gay boy from Suburbia. But there is rather a large cast of acquaintances and sexual partners, a grab bag variety, so for whatever that much representation is worth… I'll rate it
1 out of 5 stars
I'm not even sure how to rate this on my Genre Expectation scale…. What even is the genre of this novel? I checked to see how the Library of Congress categorized it and it said Gay Youth--fiction and Suburban Life--fiction… which is just…¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If there was a genre specifically for darkly-comic fictionalized memoirs, then this book and “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius,” would be the gold standard for it. I'm rating it:
5 out of 5 stars
Because it's my scale and I can use it however I like.
September 11, 2021
At first this reads like another growing-up-gay novel that’s about 80 percent autobiographical, and maybe it is; kudos to author Mike Albo for having the honesty to name his first-person character Mike Albo. (Okay, maybe that’s a little bit dishonest too, in the sense of art’s being less honest, or more honest, or differently honest than real life.) What sets this novel apart from so many others of its kind is its somewhat lighter touch: yes, his childhood was plagued with bullies and cliques, but instead of the usual heroic histrionic martyrdom of the protagonist we get a Mike Albo who is not afraid to portray himself as insecure, clumsy, and even foolish, and not just when he’s being a fool for love. Oh, and he’s not infrequently funny.
Slowly one also begins to realize that there’s more than a little artfulness in the novel’s construction. The doubts cast on Mike’s hornito science project modulates into his doubtful presence on a soccer team called the Hornets, and he will eventually realize he has been a hornito of a different kind. The juxtapositions between 1997 (the present) and 1987 (Mike’s high school past) are drawn ever more tightly in a demonstration of just how long it can take adolescent awkwardness and neediness to die: “It will end the way . . . a sitcom ends and then begins its sad, paler life of endless repeats in syndication.” That much said, the ending may come off as too bitter, too sour-grapesy, but maybe Mike has attained to a degree of wisdom that will make the show coming up next a bit more satisfying.
This one’s a keeper. 4 ½ stars.
Slowly one also begins to realize that there’s more than a little artfulness in the novel’s construction. The doubts cast on Mike’s hornito science project modulates into his doubtful presence on a soccer team called the Hornets, and he will eventually realize he has been a hornito of a different kind. The juxtapositions between 1997 (the present) and 1987 (Mike’s high school past) are drawn ever more tightly in a demonstration of just how long it can take adolescent awkwardness and neediness to die: “It will end the way . . . a sitcom ends and then begins its sad, paler life of endless repeats in syndication.” That much said, the ending may come off as too bitter, too sour-grapesy, but maybe Mike has attained to a degree of wisdom that will make the show coming up next a bit more satisfying.
This one’s a keeper. 4 ½ stars.
September 20, 2022
This book was a terrific read. I would guess that a great deal of this book was autobiographical. It meshes two period of the author's life- his childhood and high school years and approximately 10 years later, his nightly sojourns to find the man of his dreams. Some of his encounters are funny, others cringe-worthy but all are highly readable. The author is obviously a very interesting person.
February 21, 2025
published in 2000; bio of a slut: of a *hut* [in-joke]. pivots tween 80s & 90s in NYC & suburbs. 2 lazy for further Review; here is a buncha quotes:
"why is everyone screaming so much? -since when did this become Official Gay Music? nothing depresses me more than the notion of gay consumerism; of gay people considered as just another demographic bloc"
"I get a boner in my cords"
"he is also more truthful than those 'straight-acting' gay guys in boots & baseball caps you see across the Wonder Bar, holding their beers like blacksmiths & posing like lumberjacks .. "
"'the way I see it, we have a few years left,' benny said. 'we are 27 & we have until 35 & then will have to become interested in fetishes & tit clamps"
"gay guys are in a stunted adolescence because we weren't allowed to be assholes & fuck each other all the time in high school"
"Jeff caught up with me & said "I'll give you fifty bucks!" like I was a hooker."
"'I hope you both die of AIDS,' she screamed, & drove off"
"it's such a sad Taco Tuesday for me"
"the car's roof upholstery has been ripped off, leaving crumbly orange sponge above our heads"
"his clothes - warm-ups & a long v-neck shiny shirt - are of the DJ mixmaster nylon material .. "
"'I'm not really into being a Dating Monster right now'"
"'I have never dated someone for longer than one month'"
"it amazes me how you go for someone you ultimately cannot have. why don't you try to like someone who likes you back for once?"
"it will end the way weak insects end, how a happy childhood ends, or a sitcom ends & then begins its sad, paler life of endless repeats in syndication"
"why is everyone screaming so much? -since when did this become Official Gay Music? nothing depresses me more than the notion of gay consumerism; of gay people considered as just another demographic bloc"
"I get a boner in my cords"
"he is also more truthful than those 'straight-acting' gay guys in boots & baseball caps you see across the Wonder Bar, holding their beers like blacksmiths & posing like lumberjacks .. "
"'the way I see it, we have a few years left,' benny said. 'we are 27 & we have until 35 & then will have to become interested in fetishes & tit clamps"
"gay guys are in a stunted adolescence because we weren't allowed to be assholes & fuck each other all the time in high school"
"Jeff caught up with me & said "I'll give you fifty bucks!" like I was a hooker."
"'I hope you both die of AIDS,' she screamed, & drove off"
"it's such a sad Taco Tuesday for me"
"the car's roof upholstery has been ripped off, leaving crumbly orange sponge above our heads"
"his clothes - warm-ups & a long v-neck shiny shirt - are of the DJ mixmaster nylon material .. "
"'I'm not really into being a Dating Monster right now'"
"'I have never dated someone for longer than one month'"
"it amazes me how you go for someone you ultimately cannot have. why don't you try to like someone who likes you back for once?"
"it will end the way weak insects end, how a happy childhood ends, or a sitcom ends & then begins its sad, paler life of endless repeats in syndication"
November 28, 2023
Though I did find the wiring a bit hard to follow at first I get the feel of it. Like Mike was recalling each event well after it occurred, weeks, months, or years after even. Giving it a heavy, subjective feel to it.
There was a strong sense of foreboding, not really because of any foreshadowing that was written in, but because the story felt so familiar. It hit all the notes familiar to so many queer experiences growing up. A coming of age story that hit so close to home. Enough was different that it didn't feel shocking, but because the writing relied so much on feeling, memory, and Mikes on interpretation of events it just feel so uncomfortably familiar. Like I was remembering my own awkward youth.
I don't know if that made it fun but it was certainly impactful. I wasn't changed after it, it was just nice to feel such affinity for the character. Creepy-fun!
There was a strong sense of foreboding, not really because of any foreshadowing that was written in, but because the story felt so familiar. It hit all the notes familiar to so many queer experiences growing up. A coming of age story that hit so close to home. Enough was different that it didn't feel shocking, but because the writing relied so much on feeling, memory, and Mikes on interpretation of events it just feel so uncomfortably familiar. Like I was remembering my own awkward youth.
I don't know if that made it fun but it was certainly impactful. I wasn't changed after it, it was just nice to feel such affinity for the character. Creepy-fun!
June 25, 2022
If you're going to write about your childhood crush on The Six Million Dollar Man and other TV heartthrobs of the 70s/80s, I'm going to love you. It's just that simple.
Sometimes poignant, often laugh out loud funny.
Sometimes poignant, often laugh out loud funny.
November 10, 2024
Presented as a collection of diary entries, memories, short stories, character studies, and monologues, this work captures the pace, humor, energy, doubt, earnestness, confusion, fear, hope, and excitement of an outsider’s childhood, a thinker’s adolescence, and a wonderer’s young adulthood.
February 4, 2025
Overall, the references in this book were a bit hard to follow, but beyond that the writing was funny and interesting. There were it a few universal themes of love and growth that were undeniably all too familiar.
May 20, 2017
It was an ok read, and I had a difficult time keeping track of all the names/characters. In addition, alternating between past and present was confusing.
May 12, 2018
I read fifty pages. I couldn't discern why I was supposed to find any of the characters interesting. The narrator's voice was amusing enough, but the material wasn't.
December 22, 2016
A quirky tale that contrasts the complexities in life that come with growing up gay.
December 31, 2015
Such a command for precise, vivid language that pulls you in, amuses you, takes you on a ride, then moments sneak up where what's running beneath it all showcases itself, amazing moments of humor infusing shame and loneliness, and it's all just a really perfect combination.
Does interesting things with form, too.
Does interesting things with form, too.
January 25, 2016
a sad "love" story if you can call it that - hopefully the real life sequel found love. was hard to keep track of all the names and at times the jumping back and forth to the "present" and past. reading about the youth era brought back my own memories of those times (music, movies, tv).
August 2, 2007
Funny.
February 8, 2009
It was fun. All the material about the character's childhood is hysterically, cringe-inducingly accurate.
August 22, 2012
Not much happens in this book, but it was funny and seemed realistic.
Read
September 2, 2013Mar 22, 2010
March 29, 2014
Im still not sure if this was a real memoir or a fake one. If it was fake, it was way too boring.
January 13, 2022
we stan horny plotless f@ggots
cc: anything Brontez Purnell
cc: anything Brontez Purnell
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews