Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: Speaking the Truth in Love

by Carole Mayhall, Donald S. Whitney

The Bible tells us that our mouths are to be fountains of life, but our day-to-day interactions prove otherwise. So how do we address our hearts as well as our words? This book explores the impact our words can have and helps us develop a filter to hold back things we shouldn’t say.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christian, Relationships, Counselling, Self Help, Christianity

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1986

About the author

Carole Mayhall has traveled throughout the world speaking to women at seminars and conferences on the subject of discipleship. Carole is a graduate of Wheaton College, with a degree in Christian education. She and her husband, Jack, have served in The Navigators’ ministry for many years.
The Mayhalls live in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Carole wrote When God Whispers and Help Lord, I’m Sinking, and she and Jack coauthored Marriage Takes More Than Love.

Reviews

[Christina DeVane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent short book I originally had to read in college. Taught through several of the chapters for teen girls SS class. Some chapters could be more developed, but I think the author was trying to keep it short.
My favorite chapter was on words of gentleness.
Vital topic for all people as teens and adults have many blind spots when it comes to their words- myself included! 😬

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent,thought provoking and at times convicting book. So much of our lives are lived through our words spoken and written and many times we just say what comes to our head or fingers without stopping to think if our words are life-giving and God honoring or not. I appreciated how the author always pointed back to God and scripture for how we should talk, and many times it starts with our thoughts. As she says " to God our thoughts are words." Keeping our focus on the Lord Jesus and striving with his help to only say those things that are good, pure, honorable, etc. Would keep us from a lot of the trouble we get into with our mouth. Definitely a book I will revisit.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many amazing truths. Also, such a convicting book.

How many times do I speak quickly, without thinking of the affect my words will have? How many times do I praise God so others think I’m a “good person” but don’t praise Him when it’s my quiet time with God? How many times do I get offended when someone is trying to offer me advice, rather than thanking them for caring enough about me to talk to me?

Simple truths, that can make an immense impact in my life if I apply them. A great read.

[Michelle Haggard · Rating 5 out of 5]

A few quotes that I loved:

“We are constantly learning that we are worse than we thought we were, but also learning, feeling, and knowing that in God’s eyes we are perfect.”

“But more and more I am persuaded that what pleases the heart of God most are the choices we make that no one else sees but God - those everyday moments when God is the only audience, when we offer to Him the sacrifice of praise; when the sweet aroma of our thanksgiving reaches Him.” ♥️

“I’m just a person in progress”

[Kate Allen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book does a fantastic job of describing the true impact of our words. It explains the sinfulness of bragging, complaining, careless speech, etc. While also listing the personal application to make your words genuine, honest, encouraging and pointing others to Christ‘s character. I appreciated the abundant amount of scripture relating to our words. Be prepared to be convicted on your current speech patterns.

[Natalie Weber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I rarely read books more than once, I was compelled to pull this one off my shelves again this year because I knew I needed to work on controlling my tongue and remember being challenged years ago by Mrs. Mayhall’s wisdom that she shares in this book. The book is comprised of short chapters that address many of the traps we fall into regularly with our words. Each chapter is full of Biblical truth and practical advice for those who aim to do a better job of glorifying God with their tongue.

[Amanda Stoeckmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like short books on how to live the Christian life, and this was a great one! Each chapter closes with a Bible study application section of thought-provoking questions and Bible reading recommendations. Some of the Bible verses that spoke to me were Proverbs 12:25, Matthew 12:36, Psalm 37:30, Psalm 40:3, and Psalm 141:3.

Some passages that I highlighted:
- Why to control our tongues? Because we will be encouragers, people will come to know God, and we will be offering sacrifices pleasing to God.
- How can we be people worth listening to? By letting our lives be filled with God Himself.
- What should we talk about? Praise. The Word of God. Encouragement & comfort. Wisdom & justice.
- The most practical method in my own life to change my thoughts has been to memorize Scripture and to ask God to help me put those truths into practice.
- When we boast and brag about ourself, our accomplishments, our importance, or our status, we are not only committing a sin of commission [pride], but two of omission [failing to give God the glory, and failing to edify/build up believers].
- Bible study on complaining: Using Psalm 139:23-24 as a prayer, ask God for specific insight into when & why you complain and are not content. Write down one or two insights that God seems to be pointing out to you. Pray for wisdom, then write down two things that you can do this week to stop complaining.
- I am convinced that daily, perhaps hourly, we need to ask God to help us bite our tongue before voicing careless remarks that can hurt, even devastate.
- Based on the Old and New Testaments, slander is the open, intentional sharing of damaging information and is characterized by bad reports that blemish or defame a person's reputation whether they are true or not. It never occurred to me that when I was criticizing, I was in a very real sense slandering and thus setting myself above a law of God.
- In Scripture, gossip is coupled with quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, arrogance, disorder, and every kind of wickedness.
- We need to receive reproof humbly with an open heart, and prayerfully endure it without retaliation.
- On Galatians 6:1... We don't rebuke, admonish, or restore unbelievers. Determine if their "sin" is truly something that the Bible condemns. If we are attuned with God, if we are not harboring any sin in our life, if we listen to His voice as we speak, if we have prayed for words and wisdom, then we are spiritual and free to restore. Ask yourself, am I the right one to restore this believer?
- To restore a person gently, we must pray for it, for the right words, for graciousness, for a non-judgmental attitude, for the person's openness, for the right timing, and above all for love.
- On 1 Peter 3:1... The fact that an unbeliever may be won to the Lord is a pertinent reason for gentleness.
- A godly woman is simply a sinner who is increasingly letting God be God in her life.
- Instead of all the negative, ugly words that come out of our mouth, may the secret daily moments of our heart be filled with praise. If they are, our speech will overflow as a sacrifice upon the altar of a living, loving God.

[Sarah Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars - Meh. I wouldn’t recommend this book. There are some good points in this book and I’ve certainly read worse books. However, this is very much in line with the concept that an ideal Christian must have this facial expression, make sure to incorporate XYZ spiritual words into all conversation, and as long as you speak truth it doesn’t matter if it’s loving or if maybe you should have asked questions FIRST to see if you understand the situation correctly before calling out a fellow Christian. It puts certain things on a pedestal so that being a good Christian feels completely unobtainable and while I don’t think it was the author’s intention it really bolsters a judgment culture with the way everyone is evaluated. Similarly, this book puts a lot of emphasis on “authority” and “proper Christianity.”

After I finished the book I realized it was a NavPress book. While I do believe the Navigators do a lot of good, and I’ve had many facets of attachment and interaction with the group, their books by and large have the same general concepts and superiority over everyone that I don’t find attractive. This book is very much the same.

I feel like 3 stars is an adequate rating, but I certainly would never recommend this book.

[Angella Gioukaris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carole gives you great advice and exercises to help you communicate in an effective way to people who are both easy and difficult to communicate to. More importantly, she touches the subject of self control and how you have to rewire yourself, which is where the exercises come in handy. After reading her perspective, I've let go of a lot of my angry talk. This is worth reading no matter who you are

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

An easy read, but I feel that was a detriment to the book. The instructive portion of the book was a lot of personal illustrations of how the Lord was dealing with her. At times I felt she was over-analyzing and/or the situations were very subjective. I wished she would have been more exegetical, emphasizing the leading of the Holy Spirit. I found the study guide at the back to be much better - allowing the Holy Spirit to work through thought provoking questions and Scriptures.

[Leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. Chapters were easy to read and not too long of a book. I appreciated her practical examples showing how the tongue is often a source of sin. I would take certain things she writes with a grain of salt but I think we can all agree that some times ladies can think more before they speak... 😅

[Lavine Odindo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book for Christian Growth and character formation.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Am I a font of wisdom or a babbling brook? Excellent book on choosing your words carefully to bless and edify those around you. I'm reading it for the second time. I guess once wasn't enough!

[Abby Oglesby · Rating 4 out of 5]

‘How lackadaisically we pursue holiness. We think it is something that should happen TO us or perhaps FOR us, instead of determining to go after it, to pursue it with every fiber in our being.’

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read, relevant to myself hahahahahahhahaha rip. Very applicable to life

[Jared · Rating 5 out of 5]

2nd time

[Nicole Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Convicting. Clarifying. Read this with a few women from church. Really loved this and will go through it again.

[Deon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this on #KindleUnlimited

[Jeanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Words do have great power. We can bring people down and lift them up all with our words. Even our thoughts matter to God. They are well spring of what comes out. To our speech to how we respond can determine if we have words that hurt or heal. In order to have speech controlled by God, we must have lives controlled by God. He must satisfy us. (page 23) It also talks about boasting and sharing information is determined on who gets the glory. I loved her definition of a slanderer. which is anyone who speaks againist another or judges him speaks against him and judges him. It is a intentional sharing of damaging information and is characterized by bad reports that blemish or defame a person's reputation whether they are true or not. So convicting. Another rule to live by is whatever the setting is that the absent one should be safe among the those who are present.

[Groups · Rating 5 out of 5]

Per Janet Schroer:
This book addresses the impact of our words and how they affect others. There are practical illustrations about how our daily interactions reflect our beliefs and what's in our heart. It's a lighter study with short chapters giving a good overview of this topic. Scripture is referenced but there is not a lot of Bible study involved. A Discussion guide is included in the back of the book with group questions.

Additional Notes:
Best suited for newer Christians or a lighter group study

10 Short Chapters
Book/Discussion Guide Format

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best communication book I have ever read and probably will read. I was convicted as Mrs. Carole used Scripture to point to how we are to use of tongues. Since reading the book I have realized many instances where I have spoken wrongly and not used words to glorify God. Defiantly a "Must Read."

[Marice Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Did this study as part of a group. A great reminder that we should think before opening our mouths and consider whether what we are saying is really the right thing. Some members of our group had more recent editions which had different study questions. I think the study questions in the newer editions were more thought provoking.

[Sarah Haney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly simple concepts that will change the way you use your words. This book offers everyday examples of destructive ways we use our words, after reading many of the examples, I found myself saying, "Wow! I do that. I had no idea how much of an impact I have on others." Read this book, think on it, and then read it again.

[Jamie Humphreys · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very convicting book. I learned a lot. I will probably read it again soon for a good reminder. It was an easy quick read and very practical.

[Diane Shetler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not sure 'liked' is the best term. Certainly filed with challenges.

[Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for someone who really wants to tame the tongue. It's very direct, honest, and biblical. It's a short read but very thought provoking. This will be the my go to book on speech.

[Aislinn Blankenship · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really great book on how to be careful with our words and craft them so they honor God and don't just serve us.