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Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
If you struggle with low self-esteem, or you’re seeking positive and effective ways of building a healthy sense of self-worth, this much-anticipated fourth edition of the best-selling classic by Matthew McKay is your go-to guide. This fully revised edition features an innovative application of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to self-esteem, and utilizes updated cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you create positive change and thrive.
Circumstances and status can affect self-esteem—many factors can contribute to the way we see ourselves—but the one contributing factor that all people who struggle with low self-esteem have in common is our thoughts. Of course we all have a better chance of feeling good about ourselves when things are going well, but it’s really our interpretation of our circumstances that can cause trouble, regardless of what they are.
This revised and updated fourth edition of the best-selling Self-Esteem uses proven-effective methods of CBT and relevant components of ACT to help you raise low self-esteem by working on the way you interpret your life. You’ll learn how to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy self-esteem, how to uncover and analyze negative self-statements, and how to create new, more objective and positive self-statements to support your self-esteem rather than undermine it. And with cutting-edge material on defusion and values, you’ll learn to let go of judgmental, self-attacking thoughts and act in accordance with what matters to you most, enhancing your sense of self-worth.
If you struggle with low or unhealthy self-esteem, this new edition of Self-Esteem, packed with evidence-based tips and techniques, has everything you need to improve the way you see yourself for better overall well-being.
Circumstances and status can affect self-esteem—many factors can contribute to the way we see ourselves—but the one contributing factor that all people who struggle with low self-esteem have in common is our thoughts. Of course we all have a better chance of feeling good about ourselves when things are going well, but it’s really our interpretation of our circumstances that can cause trouble, regardless of what they are.
This revised and updated fourth edition of the best-selling Self-Esteem uses proven-effective methods of CBT and relevant components of ACT to help you raise low self-esteem by working on the way you interpret your life. You’ll learn how to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy self-esteem, how to uncover and analyze negative self-statements, and how to create new, more objective and positive self-statements to support your self-esteem rather than undermine it. And with cutting-edge material on defusion and values, you’ll learn to let go of judgmental, self-attacking thoughts and act in accordance with what matters to you most, enhancing your sense of self-worth.
If you struggle with low or unhealthy self-esteem, this new edition of Self-Esteem, packed with evidence-based tips and techniques, has everything you need to improve the way you see yourself for better overall well-being.
376 pages, Paperback
First published December 15, 1987
1086 people are currently reading
5625 people want to read
About the author
Matthew McKay
166 books299 followersMatthew McKay, PhD, is a professor of psychology at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, and author of more than 30 professional psychology and self-help books which have sold a combined total of more than 3 million copies. He is co-founder of independent self-help publisher, New Harbinger Publications. He was the clinical director of Haight Ashbury Psychological Services in San Francisco for twenty five years. He is current director of the Berkeley CBT Clinic. An accomplished novelist and poet, his poetry has appeared in two volumes from Plum Branch Press and in more than sixty literary magazines. His most recent novel, Wawona Hotel, was
published by Boaz Press in 2008.
published by Boaz Press in 2008.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 149 reviews
June 28, 2019
The idea of calling up large and global and inspiring and majestic ideas for the purpose of meditation seems to be very interesting.
September 12, 2009
This book is straightforward, and clearly a result of psychological research, especially in the field of cognitive development.
It guides you through a process of repairing self-esteem, which starts off by analyzing how you view yourself. Later, you dissect your "weaknesses" and decide which are true reflections of yourself, and which are merely exaggerations - ones that you've convinced yourself to believe in through years of self-criticizing. The second half of the book provides mediations and visualization exercises to help you build a more positive self-image.
I think the real key here, as mentioned in the "Compassion" chapter, is to respect yourself and others, and to understand that everyone is just trying to do their best to survive and be happy, with whatever advantages or struggles they are handed in life. Absolute perfection should never be expected, and mistakes are part of living and learning.
It guides you through a process of repairing self-esteem, which starts off by analyzing how you view yourself. Later, you dissect your "weaknesses" and decide which are true reflections of yourself, and which are merely exaggerations - ones that you've convinced yourself to believe in through years of self-criticizing. The second half of the book provides mediations and visualization exercises to help you build a more positive self-image.
I think the real key here, as mentioned in the "Compassion" chapter, is to respect yourself and others, and to understand that everyone is just trying to do their best to survive and be happy, with whatever advantages or struggles they are handed in life. Absolute perfection should never be expected, and mistakes are part of living and learning.
August 15, 2012
My original motivation for purchasing this book was to re-familiarize myself with the topic of self-esteem, how to foster it and how to make sure that I support the self-esteem of those around me (particularly in light of the team I was set to manage). However, I found that this book applied to myself much more than I would have anticipated. I learned more about myself by reading this book than I have through hours of self-reflection and contemplation. I always considered my humility and lack of ego to be one of my greatest strengths...unfortunately it appears that much of that stems from very harsh internal criticism and lack of self-worth as opposed to some other healthy source. Now that I am aware of some of my own internal self-esteem issues, I am on my way to combating my internal critic and becoming even more effective in everything that I do. I still remain humble, but this time for the right reasons.
February 22, 2022
بهترین کتابه در این زمینه. هم علمی هم جذاب. حتما بخونید
November 10, 2012
I learned a lot about myself while reading this book. Mostly that self-help books are fully capable of giving me nightmares. YIKES!
While I saw notable improvement in some areas of my life after reading this book (for example: asking for what you want and learning to deflect the inner critic), there were some areas that I found to be utter hogwash.
I do not/ cannot believe that everyone is "simply doing the best they can given the circumstances" when applied to murderers, rapists, and other detestable people doing detestable things. Believing a proposition like that, a) gives no power to human beings in making their own decisions, and b) would not help self-esteem at all, but rather make a person question "why is all this horrible stuff happening to me? Oh, it must be karma. I must deserve it." One thing I know for sure, there are many selfish and--dare I say--down-right bad people in this world. I can forgive many things and learn to let others go, but I cannot accept that any and every action is simply someone doing the best they can given the circumstances...
While I saw notable improvement in some areas of my life after reading this book (for example: asking for what you want and learning to deflect the inner critic), there were some areas that I found to be utter hogwash.
I do not/ cannot believe that everyone is "simply doing the best they can given the circumstances" when applied to murderers, rapists, and other detestable people doing detestable things. Believing a proposition like that, a) gives no power to human beings in making their own decisions, and b) would not help self-esteem at all, but rather make a person question "why is all this horrible stuff happening to me? Oh, it must be karma. I must deserve it." One thing I know for sure, there are many selfish and--dare I say--down-right bad people in this world. I can forgive many things and learn to let others go, but I cannot accept that any and every action is simply someone doing the best they can given the circumstances...
August 11, 2017
یک اثر مفید برای افزایش عزت نفس که حاوی نکات مهم و کاربردی زیادی می باشد
December 28, 2016
لا يرى أصحاب التقدير المتدني للذات أنفسهم بوضوح ، إن ذلك يشبه إنعكاسا في مرآة منحرفة من مرايا الملاهي حيث تعظمّ الصورة التي يرونها نقاط ضعفهم وتصغر من مواطن القوة لديهم ، والنتيجة المعتادة لرؤية مثل هذا الإنعكاس المشوش هي إحساس قوي بالقصور وعدم الأهلية ... ولكي ترفع تقديرك لذاتك من الضروري تماما أن تطرح جانبا تلك المرايا القديمة المنحرفة المشوهة التي ترى من خلالها نفسك وأن تتعرف على التوازن الخاص الموجود لديك بين نقاط ضعفك ومواطن قوتك ، ويرى د.روبرت أنتوني في كتابه الأسرار الكاملة أنك إن لم تتوقف عن الاستخفاف بنفسك والحط من شأنها بسبب عيوبك وأخطائك المتصورة فإنك لن تقترب أبداً من تحقيق الثقة التامة بالنفس والحرية الشخصية ومالم تعلم قيمتك وجدارتك الحقيقية كشخص فإنك لن تستطيع التخلص من قيود التفكير السلبي التي تفرضها على نفسك ... هذا الكتاب سيساعدك على التعرف بشكل كامل على مسببات تقدير الذات المتدني وأسباب الشعور الذاتي بانعدام القيمة وعدم الكفاءة وعدم الأهلية ويقدم لك طرقاً مجربة وأساليب إدراكية ومعرفة ممتازة في كل مايتعلق بتقدير الذات .
من أفضل الفصول التي استفدت منها وأثرت في شخصي وتفكيري وإدراكي:
-التعرف على الناقد المرضي
-التغلب على الناقد المرضي
-الإضطرابات الإدراكية
-لا أزال على غير مايرام
كما أنه يقدم لك فصل كامل لكي تتعلم التنويم المغناطيسي بشكل رائع لازم لتطوير حياتك وتقوية ذاتك ورفع التقدير الشخصي واكتساب الثقة بالنفس وتقبل وحب ذاتك لأنه يتناول جزء حيوي خطير جداً من عملية النمو كما يوضح بشكل علمي منهجي كيف ينشأ تقدير الذات المتدني لأطفالنا وميف أن بعض الممارسات الخاطئة على الأطفال تكون مدمرة بحق لذلك أنصح كل شخص أياً كان كم التقدير الذاتي الذي يحمله لنفسه بقراءة ودراسة الكتاب.
September 11, 2012
I've never read anything quite like this before. It was interesting, but the self-talk is a little foreign to me. I think about stuff, but I don't regularly "talk" to myself. I did learn some things about myself and about what I can do to improve those areas of self-esteem that I have a more difficult time with. I'm writing out below what I learned for my own benefit, although I don't mind if you read it :)
I learned that I have a fear of rejection and often tell myself that people will reject me or my ideas before I've even given them the chance. I also do this by trying to read people's minds...this never goes well and I'd do well to remember that :) I learned that I often filter what people are saying and focus on the negatives of what they say and that I personalize things. If someone makes a comment about something they don't like, I often assume that I have some part in the why that person is feeling negatively about it. My worst offense to myself is that I compare myself with others. Yes, I know, so not fair to myself. I need to focus on my positives and accept those negatives that I have and not beat myself up about them.
I learned that I have a fear of rejection and often tell myself that people will reject me or my ideas before I've even given them the chance. I also do this by trying to read people's minds...this never goes well and I'd do well to remember that :) I learned that I often filter what people are saying and focus on the negatives of what they say and that I personalize things. If someone makes a comment about something they don't like, I often assume that I have some part in the why that person is feeling negatively about it. My worst offense to myself is that I compare myself with others. Yes, I know, so not fair to myself. I need to focus on my positives and accept those negatives that I have and not beat myself up about them.
July 22, 2013
This book was the second book that actually changed my life in my college years, thank God. I'd like to meet that author and give him a million dollars for changing my entire life with his very rational, helpful and interesting book!
After reading book I realized that before I had a really low self esteem and always self-sabotaged myself, which had adverse effect on my confidence, but this book teaches you how to respect yourself, value your psychological state and raise your self confidence and self-esteem!
Thank God I read this book!
After reading book I realized that before I had a really low self esteem and always self-sabotaged myself, which had adverse effect on my confidence, but this book teaches you how to respect yourself, value your psychological state and raise your self confidence and self-esteem!
Thank God I read this book!
September 4, 2020
I wouldn’t have picked this book up had it not been recommended to me, but it was really quite useful. I went through it with a highlighter so I could easily go back and reference certain things in the future when I need them, and there were quite a few passages that I know I’ll find useful. A lot of the ideas in this opened my eyes to certain things, and I know it’ll stick with me for a while.
June 25, 2022
Feels weird to give this a rating but here we are.
My therapist recommended this to me and I definitely do see why she did.
The exercises along with journaling do seem to help.
The trouble is, will I continue to do them on my own now that I returned this book to the library?
Only time will tell.
My therapist recommended this to me and I definitely do see why she did.
The exercises along with journaling do seem to help.
The trouble is, will I continue to do them on my own now that I returned this book to the library?
Only time will tell.
February 4, 2023
This book was helpful, empathetic, thorough and very well written. It's easy to read, concise, and takes about a month to read, practice the exercises and bring them into fruition. I will be recommending this book to all my friends who are looking for help with their self-esteem. It genuinely changed my life for the better.
December 4, 2019
Aceasta carte este pentru toata lumea, ea reprezinta un exercitiu al autocunoasterii dar si a înțelegerii celorlalți.
Peste tot in lume sunt desfășurate studii focusate pe înțelegerea minții noastre si interesant este ca suntem abia la început.
Aceasta carte vine în întâmpinarea celor pasionați de psihologie si de felul in care functionam, poate fi citită integral sau pe bucati in funcție de nevoi. Ce mi-a plăcut foarte tare este ca ofera exerciții la finalul fiecărui capitol sau pe parcursul explicatiilor. Un suport pentru acesta cartea poate fi descarcat de pe siteul: https://www.newharbinger.com/self-est...
De exemplu povestesti despre tehnica vizualizării si te asista sa realizezi un altfel de exercițiu. Te învață cum sa reactionezi la critici, cum sa le detectezi, cum sa le categorisesti.
Vorbește despre stimă de sine, despre atacurile criticului lăuntric (vocea aia care îți spune ca nu ești suficient de bun, ca nu vei reusi, ca nu meriti), despre meditatie, despre empatie, despre nevoi si dorinte pe care te ajuta sa le identifici, despre valori.
Încetează sa ii mai critici pe alții. De fiecare data cand emiti o judecată despre cineva sau despre felul in care se comporta, acea judecată nu ii va influența pe celalat dar cu siguranța te va influența pe tine.
Exista un întreg capitol despre cum putem crește copiii cu o stimă de sine crescută. Stima de sine e un scut care il va proteja pe copilul devenit adult. Acest scult il va ajuta sa devină un om mai fericit si mai realizat. Pentru aceasta, este nevoie sa ne uităm la cei mici inlaturand ceata din ochii noștri data de sperantele si fricile pe care le proiectam asupra lor.
Cartea ne indeamna sa facem o descriere detaliată a copilului nostru, ca si cum i-am scrie unei rude îndepărtate care nu l-a cunoscut. Scrie detalii despre aspectul sau fizic, calitati, defecte, cel il face fericit, ce il supara, cum seamănă el cu tine, etc apoi fa o lista cu o serie de calități pe care le are dar si defecte. Alege 3 calitati pe cate le-ai identificat si lauda-l pentru ele.
Tot în acest capitol înveți cum sa poți da feedback unui copil intr-o situatie negativa astfel incat sa nu ii lezezi stimă de sine si sa il ajuti sa evolueze. Exista 3 etape clare:
Description
Reaction
Acknowledgement
Dar va las pe voi sa descoperiti cu propria voastra intelegere toata informatia pe care eu am scris-o mai sus. Este foarte multă si te asigur ca vei avea multe momente de: wow, asa este!
Peste tot in lume sunt desfășurate studii focusate pe înțelegerea minții noastre si interesant este ca suntem abia la început.
Aceasta carte vine în întâmpinarea celor pasionați de psihologie si de felul in care functionam, poate fi citită integral sau pe bucati in funcție de nevoi. Ce mi-a plăcut foarte tare este ca ofera exerciții la finalul fiecărui capitol sau pe parcursul explicatiilor. Un suport pentru acesta cartea poate fi descarcat de pe siteul: https://www.newharbinger.com/self-est...
De exemplu povestesti despre tehnica vizualizării si te asista sa realizezi un altfel de exercițiu. Te învață cum sa reactionezi la critici, cum sa le detectezi, cum sa le categorisesti.
Vorbește despre stimă de sine, despre atacurile criticului lăuntric (vocea aia care îți spune ca nu ești suficient de bun, ca nu vei reusi, ca nu meriti), despre meditatie, despre empatie, despre nevoi si dorinte pe care te ajuta sa le identifici, despre valori.
Încetează sa ii mai critici pe alții. De fiecare data cand emiti o judecată despre cineva sau despre felul in care se comporta, acea judecată nu ii va influența pe celalat dar cu siguranța te va influența pe tine.
Exista un întreg capitol despre cum putem crește copiii cu o stimă de sine crescută. Stima de sine e un scut care il va proteja pe copilul devenit adult. Acest scult il va ajuta sa devină un om mai fericit si mai realizat. Pentru aceasta, este nevoie sa ne uităm la cei mici inlaturand ceata din ochii noștri data de sperantele si fricile pe care le proiectam asupra lor.
Cartea ne indeamna sa facem o descriere detaliată a copilului nostru, ca si cum i-am scrie unei rude îndepărtate care nu l-a cunoscut. Scrie detalii despre aspectul sau fizic, calitati, defecte, cel il face fericit, ce il supara, cum seamănă el cu tine, etc apoi fa o lista cu o serie de calități pe care le are dar si defecte. Alege 3 calitati pe cate le-ai identificat si lauda-l pentru ele.
Tot în acest capitol înveți cum sa poți da feedback unui copil intr-o situatie negativa astfel incat sa nu ii lezezi stimă de sine si sa il ajuti sa evolueze. Exista 3 etape clare:
Description
Reaction
Acknowledgement
Dar va las pe voi sa descoperiti cu propria voastra intelegere toata informatia pe care eu am scris-o mai sus. Este foarte multă si te asigur ca vei avea multe momente de: wow, asa este!
October 20, 2010
This book has a lot to offer in building self esteem. I especially liked the chapter on helping children build their self esteem. I will include some thoughts from his book. "Every action your children make is an attempt to meet their needs. This is true whether or not the behavior is successful at meeting their needs. This is true whether or not the behavior is acceptable. A child who picks fights with siblings, shows off in an obnoxious way, baby-talks, or acts regressive needs something. It might be more attention or less pressure or more challenge."
"Sometime you can simply ask your children if they have any suggestions about how a problem could be solved.
You might be surprised at the creativity of their solutions. By just making your children part of the process, you will change their perspective about the problem and make them more interested in resolving it."
"Another way to involve a child in the problem-solving process is through a family "brainstorming" meeting."
The book I read is Dr. McKay's first edition. Copyright date is 1987. There were 356 pages in this book. I am assuming that it contains volume 1 and volume 2.
"Sometime you can simply ask your children if they have any suggestions about how a problem could be solved.
You might be surprised at the creativity of their solutions. By just making your children part of the process, you will change their perspective about the problem and make them more interested in resolving it."
"Another way to involve a child in the problem-solving process is through a family "brainstorming" meeting."
The book I read is Dr. McKay's first edition. Copyright date is 1987. There were 356 pages in this book. I am assuming that it contains volume 1 and volume 2.
June 28, 2019
This had excellent advice but it reads too much like a text book and I have read enough of those.
November 26, 2020
I read this book based on many comments from my girlfriend that I had a poor self-esteem. It was important for me to take the most clinical book possible on the subject and I was not disappointed.
I found out that:
1) My self-esteem should be considered low-middle class/working class, but in no way below the line of poverty.
2) This problem is mostly based in parenting and while you might not have suffered abuse, incorrect and inconsistent parenting will cause that. My parents were not actively trying to screw me up, but they rather raised me without having certain psychological tools themselves.
3) Much of the exercises/solution seem ineffective at making you feel actually worthwhile. Saying it not being. If you've read this, seek therapy. That's where the real work is.
4) Don't sleep on the last three chapters if your self-esteem is not completely in the toilet. These are the ones past one, two and three that are meant for you.
Overall good read. Self-help should be defined by their informativeness and usefulness and Self-Esteem most definitely was.
I found out that:
1) My self-esteem should be considered low-middle class/working class, but in no way below the line of poverty.
2) This problem is mostly based in parenting and while you might not have suffered abuse, incorrect and inconsistent parenting will cause that. My parents were not actively trying to screw me up, but they rather raised me without having certain psychological tools themselves.
3) Much of the exercises/solution seem ineffective at making you feel actually worthwhile. Saying it not being. If you've read this, seek therapy. That's where the real work is.
4) Don't sleep on the last three chapters if your self-esteem is not completely in the toilet. These are the ones past one, two and three that are meant for you.
Overall good read. Self-help should be defined by their informativeness and usefulness and Self-Esteem most definitely was.
July 13, 2009
This was a very useful book that used a lot of the same techniques my PTSD therapist uses (such as separating feelings from thoughts and figuring out core beliefs). There are a lot of things I hope to apply to my own life and interactions with other people. Hopefully by following some of the ways of thinking shown in this book I will have less cognitive distortions and will be a more understanding person.
December 14, 2010
Starts off really, really well. The mantras, etc. are too limiting however and the book doesn't go into many topics in nearly enough detail. Radical Acceptance goes much further and really addresses deeply rooted issues of self-esteem.Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
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March 21, 2022بنظرم این سبک از کتابهای خودیاری رو باید وقتی خوند که واقعا احساس نیاز و تشنگی داشته باشی.من تعریف این کتاب رو خیلی شنیده بودم ولی متاسفانه زمان اشتباهی به سراغش رفتم و بخاطر اینکه(فعلا!) من آدمی نیستم که یک کتاب رو نصف و نیمه رها کنم خوندنش طوووول کشید.کتاب کلی تمرین داره و اگر قصد دارید بخونیدش و واقعا استفاده اش رو ببرید باید صبور باشید وپا به پای تمرینا جلو برید.
September 21, 2021
Це дуже гарна книгу по самооцінці в моєму найулюбленішому підході когнітивно-поведінкової терапії. Її мені порадила психологиня і мені настільки добре пішла ця книга, що я купила її в паперовому варіанті, бо у ній багато практичних вправ, до яких потрібно повертатися і простіше це робити з друкованим варіантом.
Для мене стало просто таки одкровенням, що по суті негативна самооцінка проявляється у вигляді голосу патологічного критика в голові. Від цього розуміння мені вже стало значно легше, бо я тепер усвідомлюю наявність цього голосу і його активізацію в конкретних ситуаціях. У книзі подано велику кількість вправ і вони реально займають час, але це можливість для всіх людей, у яких нема грошей чи сміливості іти до психолога спробувати поправити самооцінку самотужки. На мою думку, без допомоги психолога це не спрацює вповні, бо, як мені здається, такі моменти як пропрацювання травматичного досвіду з минулого також є ключовими для роботи над самооцінкою, а самому це зробити нереально. Та все ж це вже щось!
Наведу кілька прикладів чудових вправ із цієї книги. Перша вправа це протягом кількох днів прислухатися до свого патологічного критика, записувати його негативні коментарі і далі проаналізувати в яких ситуаціях він активується і яка його мета. Часто голос патологічного критика намагається вберегти нас від небажаних життєвих сценаріїв та ситуацій. Що вже дає дуже багато інформації для подальшого опрацювання.
Інша вправа із книги - це розписати себе, свої плюси і мінуси в різних аспектах життя (там продається перелік, включаючи зовнішність, стосунки і тд), далі іде робота по переформулюванню негативних аспектів нейтральною мовою - типу я не жирний, а важу 100 кг (одне це образа самого себе, друге це констатація факту). Далі із цієї позитивної та негативної інформації пишеться збалансований тест про себе, який треба читати щодня вголос протягом місяця. Це дає змогу запустити в голові процеси по сприйняттю себе в об'єктивному світлі (як було вище зазначено, це не вигадки, а науково доведені підходи, які дають результат).
Також розповідається про різні види когнітивних викривлень, способи нейтралізації болючих коментарів патологічного критика і тому подібне.
Мінус цієї книги в тому, що вправ дуже багато, самому їх опрацювати важко.
Для мене стало просто таки одкровенням, що по суті негативна самооцінка проявляється у вигляді голосу патологічного критика в голові. Від цього розуміння мені вже стало значно легше, бо я тепер усвідомлюю наявність цього голосу і його активізацію в конкретних ситуаціях. У книзі подано велику кількість вправ і вони реально займають час, але це можливість для всіх людей, у яких нема грошей чи сміливості іти до психолога спробувати поправити самооцінку самотужки. На мою думку, без допомоги психолога це не спрацює вповні, бо, як мені здається, такі моменти як пропрацювання травматичного досвіду з минулого також є ключовими для роботи над самооцінкою, а самому це зробити нереально. Та все ж це вже щось!
Наведу кілька прикладів чудових вправ із цієї книги. Перша вправа це протягом кількох днів прислухатися до свого патологічного критика, записувати його негативні коментарі і далі проаналізувати в яких ситуаціях він активується і яка його мета. Часто голос патологічного критика намагається вберегти нас від небажаних життєвих сценаріїв та ситуацій. Що вже дає дуже багато інформації для подальшого опрацювання.
Інша вправа із книги - це розписати себе, свої плюси і мінуси в різних аспектах життя (там продається перелік, включаючи зовнішність, стосунки і тд), далі іде робота по переформулюванню негативних аспектів нейтральною мовою - типу я не жирний, а важу 100 кг (одне це образа самого себе, друге це констатація факту). Далі із цієї позитивної та негативної інформації пишеться збалансований тест про себе, який треба читати щодня вголос протягом місяця. Це дає змогу запустити в голові процеси по сприйняттю себе в об'єктивному світлі (як було вище зазначено, це не вигадки, а науково доведені підходи, які дають результат).
Також розповідається про різні види когнітивних викривлень, способи нейтралізації болючих коментарів патологічного критика і тому подібне.
Мінус цієї книги в тому, що вправ дуже багато, самому їх опрацювати важко.
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November 28, 2025I really liked the approach the author took with this. It was very compassionate, very patient, and you can tell that he cares about people and that's why he wrote the book. There are so many exercises to do in the book that really require you to think about your habitual self-talk and what it means, in an effort to help you see what you can change. I also really liked that McKay made sure to distinguish between people with low self-esteem v people who think they are defective/bad/flawed as a person, and that those people require more effort and assistance. I think it's important for a book like this to acknowledge that spectrum, and emphasize that they have different needs. The final chapter on building self-esteem in children was also really helpful. I have quite a few kiddos in my life, and it will be good for me to incorporate what he talked about so that I can help these kids be confident folks.
January 15, 2021
This book is exactly what a “self help” book should be. I am often disappointed by these kinds of books, because they are usually filled primarily with positive encouragement and inspiring quotes, which are both good things, but I feel like they almost always lack substance; practical action steps to help people help themselves.
Not this book. 95% of this book is devoted to walking the reader through actual exercises to help them monitor and modify their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I will be reading this again in the near future, and referring to this often when working with my clients.
Not this book. 95% of this book is devoted to walking the reader through actual exercises to help them monitor and modify their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I will be reading this again in the near future, and referring to this often when working with my clients.
June 3, 2023
I started this book a long time ago and read it in chunks. I did a whole lot of highlighting and I printed some of the corresponding worksheets. I struggle with self-esteem, so this book provided me with a lot to think about.
I think this book might do better for me in paper rather than the kindle version. Then again, that might be a reason to get the kindle scribe.
I think this book might do better for me in paper rather than the kindle version. Then again, that might be a reason to get the kindle scribe.
December 19, 2021
I read this book with my therapist, and we discussed the chapters during my sessions. This book was very helpful, and I think all humans could benefit from this book and not just people with self-esteem issues. This book was very eye-opening and helpful. I read the 4th edition.
June 15, 2021
Amazing strategies, will definitely refer back to some. Anyone can read this ! Highly recommend!
July 1, 2024
I knocked the last chapters out tonight. Practical guidance for me to apply with clients
January 20, 2022
An excellent, step-by-step guide to improving self-esteem! Requires lots of work.
December 11, 2016
Caroline McHugh has this amazing talk on TEDx called ''The art of being yourself'' and it is truly inspiring if you have ears to hear to what she is saying about the EYE concepts of ourselves: what the world thinks of me, what I want the world to think of me, what I think of myself and the actual talk of my soul.
I do a lot of affirmative psychology workshops and speeches like this help people to embrace themselves more, to see the uniqueness and individuality and full potential in all of us while being part of the human community.
If you ask anthropologists what our uniqueness as species is, the inevitable answer would be, our overwhelming connection with each other. This is the core of us humans; there are other four core statements besides connection, but our need to feel worthy and connected with other people is the one which I am referring now.
But psycho armour is made of collective habits which we begin grasping when we become adults and in psychotherapy it is crucial to go one level at the time since our monkey brains love to chatter a lot of nonsense which we believe, since we do believe that all our physical, emotional and psychological reactions are us. Which is very far from the truth and very close to it in the same time.
When you start working on yourself; not just kidding yourself that you are working, you come to the most astounding revelations; raw beauty of awe which life is. The secret and poignant bliss of being present, of worthiness and having the right to be whoever you are just because you breathe and struggle.
Majority of people like to numb pain because on the level of our mental plateau, pain reminds us of something where we did not excel, it reminds us of our mistakes. And a mistake is not a mistake at all. A mistake is a label which we give to our expectations and experiences after we live them. When we want to undo them, when we feel like we didn’t do our best although this is exactly what we did. In any given moment we are truly doing the best we can. And later our biggest task is not to get scorched with pain because it causes us to suffer and suffering hurts deeply. It confuses us, it atrophies us, it disconnects us and it completely misbalances our abilities to grasp things as they are without the emotional projection of our so called ''failures''.
The truth is, majority of us doesn’t know how to go deep within and find transformative stillness in hurt and pain - which we often find and use when we are feeling joyous, uplifting, grateful and happy. And yet, the pain is a road sign to discover yourself while your head is heavy, while your limbs are tired. When the numbness clears the fog from your wounded thoughts, you are ready.
There is this suffocating sentence which is very difficult to grasp for people who have just started working on themselves and it is: pain is inevitable and suffering is optional. In psychology suffering doesn’t have any value. And it is very galaxies far away difficult to grasp this if you like your wounds and if you treat them as part of your life which give you dark power. Most people don’t realise this since they cling to their suffering so much because they simply don’t know how to be anything else but their past.
This book on self-esteem has inspiring tasks and the results are living a more fulfilling and satisfied life. Grounded life with opportunity to see the world, your world, your inner world and the lull of your soul so much clearer.
The main question is always, what is your favourite flavour of shit sandwich?
Because if you don’t start now, when.
I do a lot of affirmative psychology workshops and speeches like this help people to embrace themselves more, to see the uniqueness and individuality and full potential in all of us while being part of the human community.
If you ask anthropologists what our uniqueness as species is, the inevitable answer would be, our overwhelming connection with each other. This is the core of us humans; there are other four core statements besides connection, but our need to feel worthy and connected with other people is the one which I am referring now.
But psycho armour is made of collective habits which we begin grasping when we become adults and in psychotherapy it is crucial to go one level at the time since our monkey brains love to chatter a lot of nonsense which we believe, since we do believe that all our physical, emotional and psychological reactions are us. Which is very far from the truth and very close to it in the same time.
When you start working on yourself; not just kidding yourself that you are working, you come to the most astounding revelations; raw beauty of awe which life is. The secret and poignant bliss of being present, of worthiness and having the right to be whoever you are just because you breathe and struggle.
Majority of people like to numb pain because on the level of our mental plateau, pain reminds us of something where we did not excel, it reminds us of our mistakes. And a mistake is not a mistake at all. A mistake is a label which we give to our expectations and experiences after we live them. When we want to undo them, when we feel like we didn’t do our best although this is exactly what we did. In any given moment we are truly doing the best we can. And later our biggest task is not to get scorched with pain because it causes us to suffer and suffering hurts deeply. It confuses us, it atrophies us, it disconnects us and it completely misbalances our abilities to grasp things as they are without the emotional projection of our so called ''failures''.
The truth is, majority of us doesn’t know how to go deep within and find transformative stillness in hurt and pain - which we often find and use when we are feeling joyous, uplifting, grateful and happy. And yet, the pain is a road sign to discover yourself while your head is heavy, while your limbs are tired. When the numbness clears the fog from your wounded thoughts, you are ready.
There is this suffocating sentence which is very difficult to grasp for people who have just started working on themselves and it is: pain is inevitable and suffering is optional. In psychology suffering doesn’t have any value. And it is very galaxies far away difficult to grasp this if you like your wounds and if you treat them as part of your life which give you dark power. Most people don’t realise this since they cling to their suffering so much because they simply don’t know how to be anything else but their past.
This book on self-esteem has inspiring tasks and the results are living a more fulfilling and satisfied life. Grounded life with opportunity to see the world, your world, your inner world and the lull of your soul so much clearer.
The main question is always, what is your favourite flavour of shit sandwich?
Because if you don’t start now, when.
June 8, 2016
لا يرى أصحاب التقدير المتدني للذات أنفسهم بوضوح ، إن ذلك يشبه إنعكاسا في مرآة منحرفة من مرايا الملاهي حيث تعظمّ الصورة التي يرونها نقاط ضعفهم وتصغر من مواطن القوة لديهم ، والنتيجة المعتادة لرؤية مثل هذا الإنعكاس المشوش هي إحساس قوي بالقصور وعدم الأهلية ... ولكي ترفع تقديرك لذاتك من الضروري تماما أن تطرح جانبا تلك المرايا القديمة المنحرفة المشوهة التي ترى من خلالها نفسك وأن تتعرف على التوازن الخاص الموجود لديك بين نقاط ضعفك ومواطن قوتك ، ويرى د.روبرت أنتوني في كتابه الأسرار الكاملة أنك إن لم تتوقف عن الاستخفاف بنفسك والحط من شأنها بسبب عيوبك وأخطائك المتصورة فإنك لن تقترب أبداً من تحقيق الثقة التامة بالنفس والحرية الشخصية ومالم تعلم قيمتك وجدارتك الحقيقية كشخص فإنك لن تستطيع التخلص من قيود التفكير السلبي التي تفرضها على نفسك ... هذا الكتاب سيساعدك على التعرف بشكل كامل على مسببات تقدير الذات المتدني وأسباب الشعور الذاتي بانعدام القيمة وعدم الكفاءة وعدم الأهلية ويقدم لك طرقاً مجربة وأساليب إدراكية ومعرفة ممتازة في كل مايتعلق بتقدير الذات .
من أفضل الفصول التي استفدت منها وأثرت في شخصي وتفكيري وإدراكي:
-التعرف على الناقد المرضي
-التغلب على الناقد المرضي
-الإضطرابات الإدراكية
-لا أزال على غير مايرام
كما أنه يقدم لك فصل كامل لكي تتعلم التنويم المغناطيسي بشكل رائع لازم لتطوير حياتك وتقوية ذاتك ورفع التقدير الشخصي واكتساب الثقة بالنفس وتقبل وحب ذاتك لأنه يتناول جزء حيوي خطير جداً من عملية النمو كما يوضح بشكل علمي منهجي كيف ينشأ تقدير الذات المتدني لأطفالنا وميف أن بعض الممارسات الخاطئة على الأطفال تكون مدمرة بحق لذلك أنصح كل شخص أياً كان كم التقدير الذاتي الذي يحمله لنفسه بقراءة ودراسة الكتاب.
من أفضل الفصول التي استفدت منها وأثرت في شخصي وتفكيري وإدراكي:
-التعرف على الناقد المرضي
-التغلب على الناقد المرضي
-الإضطرابات الإدراكية
-لا أزال على غير مايرام
كما أنه يقدم لك فصل كامل لكي تتعلم التنويم المغناطيسي بشكل رائع لازم لتطوير حياتك وتقوية ذاتك ورفع التقدير الشخصي واكتساب الثقة بالنفس وتقبل وحب ذاتك لأنه يتناول جزء حيوي خطير جداً من عملية النمو كما يوضح بشكل علمي منهجي كيف ينشأ تقدير الذات المتدني لأطفالنا وميف أن بعض الممارسات الخاطئة على الأطفال تكون مدمرة بحق لذلك أنصح كل شخص أياً كان كم التقدير الذاتي الذي يحمله لنفسه بقراءة ودراسة الكتاب.
September 3, 2016
Listened to half of this book and stopped. Found it insensitive. The book manages to insult the people who are its case studies while suggesting ways they can improve their self-esteem. It puts a premium on physical attractiveness -- a man is approached by an "attractive woman," for example. The ideas it offers are outdated, suggesting that the reader challenge negative self-talk using equivalent neutral phrases and then listing phrases that are equally judgmental. Besides, the advice that the reader replace negative self-talk with neutral phrases sounds useful, but in reality it doesn't work. The neutral phrases carry no weight. I would've kept reading, though, had the book's overall attitude not offended me. (Also, this book advises the reader to shout "STOP IT!" inside her head to control her thoughts, advice I can't take with any seriousness after seeing Bob Newhart recommend the same on MadTV.)
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