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232 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 15, 2015
Sadly, this did not work for me. I can give you a number of reasons but I'll narrow down to three:
• How Jay had an "epiphany" and suddenly found Landon attractive felt... well, too sudden and came out of nowhere. It was a bit premature especially since their friendship hadn't bloomed fully at that time. The author just laid out a chapter when Jay and Landon went to a bar. After that, it was a summary of the times they hung out and how being with each other's company felt nice and comforting. Then suddenly, this...
But something was different. Jay couldn't put his finger on it. It was like something was missing. Like someone who wasn't Bethany should be here.
Then it struck him. Landon. He wished Landon was there. He wished Landon was leaning in with his strong, capable hands touching him.
You get the picture? Okay, moving on.
• When they did give in to their physical cravings which meant after a while feelings were involved, this posed a problem for Jay, who has played the straight guy all his life. Of course there's confusion, denial, lots of hiding in the closet, and more confusion that follow as expected. But god, all these things got old really fast. Waiting for Jay to pull his shit together dragged on and on and on. And as I'm nearing the end of the book, Jay was still in over his head. It was basically the direction the plot took from the middle until arriving to the resolution at the end.
• Lastly and related to my second point, because the getting-his-shit-together took most of the book, Jay had lots of self reflections and doubts about batting for the other team. And every time he compared this to having a "normal" relationship, every time he had harmless stupid thoughts about being queer or gay or bi, I felt less as a person. And it hurt. A lot. I understand that the author didn't mean any harm, but it still felt like an indirect attack to me. That I'll never measure to the "normal" standard. It may sound naive, but it is what it is.
When I look at these 3 reasons now, I realize that Jay is the common denominator behind all these. So maybe, I just didn't like him? But I sure did like Landon, though. For me, he is this story's saving grace. So, I'm giving this 2.75 stars rounded up at best.






“I didn’t know.” He said the words in wonder, in awe of what had just happened. This felt almost like a religious experience. “I didn’t,” Jay said.
"And that undefinable feeling settled in Jay’s gut again, making him smile but tremble a bit, because maybe… just maybe the feeling was slowly and inexplicably becoming more defined."







“Borrowed trouble. Worth it.”

He lost it. That door in his mind he’d been shutting off, the one he hadn’t even known was closed, blew off the fucking hinges and all those synapses fired….
“I didn’t know.”
In Landon’s arms, Jay’s eyes started to leak, some from sadness for the man who’d been locked away all these years in his head, some from the happiness he’d found this when he’d not even known he’d needed it.
