I'm only halfway into the second book, and so far it is a dull and irritating read.
The pacing of the first book was outright bad. You still feel like the book's setting something up, but actually it's happened and finished and there are the credits. Just felt wrong.
The constant decision Colfer makes to prioritize endlessly describing in detail the clever fairy devices over, you know, actual character interaction and dialogue? Terrible choice, utterly boring. People like relationships. You can have gadgets, yes I like gadgets, but you also have to have PEOPLE saying INTERESTING things to each other.
I can only assume actual character-building (the showing-rather-than-telling kind please, because right now it's all this clumsy, dull "Artemis is like this" and "Butler thinks this about Artemis") comes later, since everyone loves the Artemis/Holly relationship, and I seriously hope you're not just all wrong, because so far I feel like you've wasted my time!
Also, super irritated by the preaching. The People keep going on and on about humans and how crap they are, oh the pollution! Oh the over-population! Oh, humans, THEY'RE THE WORST!!
Meanwhile they have massive over-breeding themselves, they have futuristic weapons way worse than human weapons, they have gangs and violence, they have literal full-scale wars. They're sexist AND racist. They're petty and stupid and they have huge wealth-disparities. They've got annoying soulless bureaucrats and ambitious, ladder-climbing back-stabbers who are utterly corrupt and manipulative. They have thieves and smugglers and ghettos. They have freaking terrorists.
How are humans worse again?
It's not clever to write a book with magical creatures who have a whole world that's different from ours, but it's actually the same and they're all a bunch of douchebags. Only much much more smug douchebags, because they imagine for some reason they're better. Logically it makes no sense either, because if you had creatures that were somehow more advanced than humans but with all of humanity's crap and weaknesses, and there were MILLIONS of them, you couldn't keep them secret and they would've already been found out and presumably destroyed all humans.
Lame.
And I hate the way that Holly and Root are all talking to Artemis like, "Oh we're supposed to believe you care about your father" and "Oh the great Artemis made a mistake" in freaking book two when they've had like ONE interaction with him, once, wherein Holly exchanged maybe two sentences with him (and now she's the expert, we're all to believe) and we're supposed to feel like there's this long-running relationship between the three of them, and he's acting out of character? From one interaction? You can't just say "There's a history and mythos" when there isn't. You have to actually WRITE it.
Ugggh.
I will update review once I finish the books on the off-chance there's a miraculous turnaround and it becomes interesting, makes sense, and stops talking down to me.
Haaa.
Update:
Into book... I don't know what now, almost done I think (I hope), still hating it. The pacing is the absolute worst, in every book. At least he's consistent there. Really is the master of terrible, counter-intuitive pacing. Hilariously on point Holly POV: "Usually I pull this sort of stunt toward the end of an adventure, she thought. Third-act climax. We’re starting early this time."
Ha haaa no you aren't! Every book has you doing this garbage too early, and nonstop, so when the climax comes you don't know it's here, because the whole stupid thing was boring irritating climax, and then the big finale blends in and you don't know you're in it, and then suddenly it's over.
It also seems to be getting duller by the book. Interesting writing is character building, dialogue. Action sure, action is nice. And it feels like there's action, but it's lost amongst the endless description of, once again, introducing new fairy technology we've never heard of before, talking for ages about that, then a line of dialogue, then ten more chapters about new vehicles and camouflage suits and helmets that do boring crap before being broken.
And wow! Such bad one-note characters, such lame, such awful. Random example, Spiro shouting things at his underling like, "I thought I told you to shut up!" When you're speeding through it sounds fine, but stop and actually imagine a guy saying that out loud to a henchman. Actually imagine it in the real world, not like a cartoon world where people are gesturing wildly and spit is flying and he's got a cigar in his mouth and is going "Why you wiseguy!" Actually imagine this guy exists.
You can't, because he wouldn't, because he's ridiculous.
And yes, still more talk about how advanced fairies are, how humans are dumb, how they don't know anything, and meanwhile no one but Foaly knows anything about any technology and he has to explain it over and over because they're human-like plebs, so how did they even become so advanced in the first place if they're all so EXACTLY AVERAGE just like humans, skulking around going on vacations and getting travel visas and watching movies??
Jesus.
Stray irritations:
• If every Fowl gets a Butler at birth, where's Artemis senior's Butler? Where are the twins' Butler?
• Someone swears Artemis has been sighted all over the world, on the same day, the same hour. This is book 2 and he hasn't traveled across the globe yet. Is dumb.
• Butler sketches a diagram in the snow with a laser pointer. ?? If that's a futuristic or fairy laser pointer you have to say...
• "Dr. F. Roy Dean Schlippe." Puns are the lowest form of humor. (Okay I actually like puns, I just hate these books so I'm taking a swipe.)
• After his father is healed following the Russian thing, he goes on the straight-and-narrow. But he was introduced as already being legitimate? One of the first legitimate Fowls, doing legitimate things? Um?
• Book 3, Pex and Chips. Again, terrible characters. No one is this dumb. "Duh guns are dangerous duh, especially the end with the hole duh!" Seriously, just have them saying "duh." He saw a movie once, "With all the words going up the screen at the end?" Jesus this is some bad writing. Might be funny in a Monty Python sketch, real dumb in a book that's supposed to have believable characters, even if it is a comedy... which, I dunno, is it? It's certainly not supposed to be THAT kind of comedy. So it's stupid and out of place.
As to their hiring, this:
"A hundred applicants were handed a walnut and asked to smash it however they could. Only two succeeded. Pex had shouted at the walnut for a few minutes, then flattened it between his giant palms..."
First of all, I can crush a walnut open in my palms, and I have a weak grip. This is not hard. I literally just went and got a walnut to make sure. Only 2 people out of 100 could do it, using ANY method? No one tried to step on it with their shoe?
Also, why would he SHOUT at the walnut? This is not funny-henchman dumb, this is shouldn't-be-able-to-feed-himself-dumb, and thus terribly poorly written.
• "And there is nothing worse than finding something in your mouth that you weren't expecting to be there, especially if it's wriggling."
This from Mulch, who regularly eats bugs. Idiotic to apply this sentiment to him. (Also he has dogs and cats as a ha ha funny snack, ha ha he's not a monster, he eats people's pets, ha he eats their beloved frakking pets and then remarks later about how horrible it is when something's fur-covered. Wat.)
• "Juliet had expected to feel some satisfaction, but all she felt was sadness. There was no joy in violence."
Since when? Here's yet another example of his clumsy, terrible characterization. She's been enjoying violence for several books, then suddenly doesn't and retires. It's like he wrote the character and was like, "Shit I don't know what to do with her," and bam suddenly pacifist. Or something, I don't know, I only know it's stupid.
• "Holly's helmet was soundproof, yet she was still nervous talking in such close proximity to the targets. The trick in this situation is to train oneself to speak without any of the usual accompanying gestures. This is harder than it sounds."
Really? Because phones exist. They've existed for over a hundred years. People don't generally gesticulate wildly when they're on their phone, because they're holding their phone. I don't even gesture in person with people, so it's really not harder than it sounds.
• The frak is crunchball? You just introduced it like 10 books in, in a tone as if we know what the hell...
I am depressed that people enjoy these books.