Falling: A Daughter, a Father, and a Journey Back

by Elisha Cooper

Elisha Cooper spends his morn­ings creating children’s books and his afternoons playing with his two daughters. But when he discovers a lump in five-year-old Zoë’s midsection as she sits on his lap at a Chicago Cubs game, everything changes. Surgery, sleepless nights, months of treatment, a drumbeat of worry. Even as the family moves to New York and Zoë starts kindergarten, they must navigate a new school and soccer and hot chocolate at the local café, inter­rupted by anxious visits to the hospital. Elisha and his wife strive to help their daughters maintain a sense of stability and joy in their family life. And he tries to understand this new world—how it changes art and language and laughter—as he holds on to the protective love he feels for his child.   With the observant eye of an artist and a remarkable sense of humor, Elisha captures his family’s journey through a perilous time and, in the process, shows how we are all transformed by the fear and hope we feel for those we love

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Parenting, Biography

161 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 14, 2016

Reviews

[William Sedlack · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cooper has written a beautiful account of his daughter's cancer treatment. His range of emotions is beautiful and instructive and writing is captivating and funny. This is a short book that will consistently force you outside of yourself and will remind you to consider the complexity of the lives of every person you meet.

[Margaret · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a book about a little girl who has Wilm's tumor, a childhood cancer of the kidney. I read many books like this because years ago I had a son who had Acute Lymphatic Leukemia and I guess I want to see how other families dealt with their crisis and came out on the other side as better, stronger people. That's what usually happens anyway. When they get the news, they are told that Wilm's tumor is a "good" cancer, highly curable, and this is true. I understand that when it is your child being treated for cancer, even if the outcome is expected to be favorable, cancer is anything but good. However you would think Mr. Cooper ( who is a children's book author) would be extremely grateful for the fact that they are able to treat the cancer and that the treatment doesn't cause any financial hardship for his family ( he admits he comes from a very privileged background and that they will never suffer financially and that in fact is one reason he is able to be a children's book author which doesn't pay that well). Unfortunately, all these blessings are lost on Mr. Cooper, who turns into ( or maybe he already was!) something of a jerk! At one point he is at a playground with his daughter when another little girl, all of four years old, is on the swings. He asks her ( a playmate of his daughter) what she would like to do next, and suggests several things. The child doesn't answer, so he calls her an " ass-hole" in front of his daughter, and they leave her there on the swings. Another time he lets his two daughters play ball out in the common hallway in their apartment building in New York while he stays inside. The girls are kicking the ball repeatedly against the wall when an elderly man comes out of his apartment and tells them to stop. He yells at the old man and threatens to kill him. There are many more incidents like this in the book. What kind of example is this for his kids? Why wasn't he cherishing every moment with them instead of showing them by example that it's okay to come unglued at the slightest provocation? One time I wad at the park with my sons during the time of my youngest son's cancer treatment. He was bald and overweight from taking steroids. An older boy started calling him names and teasing him. I went up to the boy and explained to him exactly why my son looked the way he did, because the drugs that were keeping him alive were causing his hair to fall out and gain weight. I asked him to think about it next time he saw someone that was different that there was probably a good reason. He felt terrible for teasing my son after that, and I bet he probably didn't do anything like that again. Mr. Cooper probably would have screamed at him, or worse, and the kid would have remained a bully. By the way, my son never had a "good" cancer, and his cancer came back while he was in the midst of aggressive chemotherapy. You can figure out the ending. I was profoundly disappointed in this book which I had expected to like.

[Alyse Liebovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is so much I want to write about this book, connecting to my own experiences, that I actually already outlined an entire blog post for the first time in forever; but, I wanted to make sure to post this review first because the book just officially released two days ago (a librarian's dream to be privy to a book pre-publication!).

There is so much I want to say about this book because reading Elisha's words, while waiting to hear the results of my mom's PET scan she had yesterday, unearthed connections I've been wanting to write about for several months surrounding my mom's cancer resurfacing and being investigated by my school for reading a poem about her experience enduring chemo treatments (the poem also mentions Trump, don't get me started).
(I learned a new word from this book: Irascibility, "marked by hot temper and easily provoked anger," and can now sum up a part of my psyche that admittedly overruled many thoughts throughout the past few months in regards to these two seemingly unrelated events.)

I met Elisha at Printers Row on Sunday after attending the memoirist panel he was a part of (which I prioritized attending because Mr. Romano was the moderator) and subsequently bought his book after talking to him about coincidences: his wife's name is Elise (she also has curly hair), she apparently taught at NYU (didn't know this until I read the book), the feelings of trying to navigate the level of life-and-death intensity that come with having no control over a person you love having cancer, and we were both in NYC on 9/11 (and briefly bonded over how it's still, to this day, 15 years later, virtually impossible to describe how weird and isolating it all felt if you were in fact present to experience "it" first-hand).

I don't know anyone who hasn't in some way been affected by cancer, but even if you are one of the lucky few, I still highly recommend checking out this beautifully-written volume, which seamlessly interweaves the author's personal memories of other notable moments in his life and the connective lessons therein. Most people I know could devour the 143 pages in one sitting, but I recommend savoring it one breathless chapter at a time.

[Lisa Eirene · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'd rate this as 2.5 stars.

A good concept-a memoir about a father dealing with the emotional aspect of his young daughter having cancer. But the book fell flat for me. There wasn't a lot of depth. The most interesting aspect of this memoir was him describing his rage and anger he felt about everything and lashing out at people (even strangers). I think that is a very real and valid emotion/side effect of the stress and depression he was experiencing about his daughter's treatment. But I wanted more, I wanted more depth, more self-reflection, more "Getting over it" and moving on.

I don't know. It was just a short, not very deep book.

[meli · Rating 2 out of 5]

very difficult circumstance the author and his family/loved ones did go through at such an early age for their child, who successfully overcame this, i can only imagine what parents go through with this. very easy reading it, quickly finished it, however the constant background privilege tone and elite east coast/new haven/yale/ vibe of it, is just a bit much for me personally. i hope he manages to decrease his anger and deep frustration with the world after this difficult experience ..

[Misty Vaughn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to say that this left a bad taste in my mouth. The author comes across as the picture of white-privilege. Over and over again, he casually mentions his extremely rare and resourceful station in life. So much so, that it makes it almost impossible to empathize with him. I know that sounds so terrible- his daughter had cancer!!!- it feels so awful to leave a bad review, but it was annoying for me.

[Matthew Ritter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Give Mr. Cooper credit. He memorialized many people's (or at least many parents') worst fear (the life-threatening illness of a child) and expected others would read it. Those who pick it up, despite their natural aversion to the subject matter, are richly rewarded. The direct style of his children's books is maintained in this book for adults. That the pages can be turned quickly is deceptive, though. There is plenty of substance layered within the harrowing events. Cooper generously shares his reflections on communication, parenting, art, humor, privilege, and aging. The memoir recounts more than his daughter's cancer. Humdrum events are prompts for digging deeper. It is not all darkness, either. Cooper doesn't shy away from self-effacement and doesn't overlook moments of levity interrupting the gravity. We read of life's fragility, and its resilience. We read of a man's outpouring of love onto his kids and displaced anger onto strangers. For all its ambivalence and honesty, Cooper ends with humanistic hope. "[...] even in out most isolated moments of helplessness we are connected. Out of islands, archipelagos."

[Sarah Ewald · Rating 5 out of 5]

I put this book on my 'to read' list after I had seen it written up in the BookPage publication I picked up at my library several years ago.
In 2007 the author had taken his daughter, Zoe, to a Cubs game, and as she was sitting on his lap with his arm around her, he felt a lump. (Just a sentence like that would send chills up the spine of any parent.) Quickly, they contacted a doctor, and then a specialist, and tests indicated that she had a tumor and it was one that was treatable.
This book is less about Zoe's illness and treatment, and more about Elisha's reaction to the 3 years that Zoe was in treatment. (Luckily, she is fine and, as of the article I read, was a healthy 13 year old.) His emotions ran the gamut from frightened, and scared to anger and resentment. He found himself lashing out at little incidents that a normal person would gloss over, anger that had been building that just came out inappropriately. As a parent, when this happens to your child, you don't often know where the emotions and fears will take you.
This is a heartfelt and honest memoir.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I pretty much inhaled this book. This book is about his daughter's cancer journey, which include things like the specifics of chemo, doctors, CT scans and the emotional yo-yo that cancer diagnosis/ treatment bring to a family's life. On the journey, he muses on risk, fear, memories and whether it is okay to excuse his own reactions because "my child has cancer". Reading this book put me in mind of the writings of Michael Perry, especially after he marries and has children. Both men value their wives and daughters in a profound way, and want them to thrive in a world that doesn't always value women. As authors, they muse on the power of words and the arts, on the day-to-day work of creating books, and on how their families of origin have contributed to the men and fathers that they are today.
Thank you, Elisha Cooper, for sharing this story with the larger world (me in particular). Time to go to the library and reread your picture books now, especially Farm!

[Lexie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s very hard to describe this book because it’s more about everything than the one thing it’s describing. In a good way. Yes, the focus is ultimately on how his daughter got cancer. But it mostly focuses on his short comings and anger through those. Elisha Cooper is a very poetic and thoughtful writer. This is very much his stream of consciousness and it mostly makes sense. I appreciate his honesty about his anger, though definitely jarring at times knowing the things he’s done. He also has some profound pondering and some I don’t necessarily agree with. All in all, this was an enjoyable read and I’m so glad his daughter is okay.

[Paula Yerke · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a memoir about a father dealing with his young daughter's cancer. I surely cannot even imagine how frightening that would be so I feel bad not liking this guy's book more. My problem with the book is that I feel that the author has no idea how very fortunate, blessed, privileged he is. He really seems to live a "dream" life. Even the cancer comes with incredible doctors, no money issues, no setbacks, a complete recovery, etc. A bit more joy and gratitude perhaps?

[Ashlee Tominey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed Cooper's memoir Crawling about his first year as a father and I like all the children's books I've read of his so even though the topic of a child with cancer is super tough, I knew I wanted to read it. I'm glad I did. Cooper and I are quite different yet I still enjoy hearing his perspective especially as he grappled with his anger. I also enjoyed traveling with him around New York City, except during the bicycle and car altercation!

[Tracy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book more. A father writes of his daughter's cancer diagnosis and what is it is like for their family. I'm not sure why I didn't love it.

Notably, the father wrote a book about becoming a father that I also read. He is a fairly prominent children's book author and an especially good illustrator, but it seems like he was writing after I was done reading to small children. I looked up some of his books and illustrations and they were very charming.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

In less than 150 pages, the author explores parenthood, art and the choices life makes for us that we have to learn to live with. All of this is a meditation that started after his young daughter sat on his lap during a baseball. When he put his hands around her midriff, he felt a tumor. What was particularly engaging is that he does not whitewash the bad behavior and the anger he feels after this discovery, but also finds way to appreciate the smaller things in life.

[Carrie Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful. I found myself so mesmerized by the author's style that I found myself talking like he wrote. This book made me thankful from page 1. I began praying lists of gratitudes. I found empathy in a parent's frustration. As a beginning memoirist I learned much about tucking in the details. The volume is slim but Mr. Cooper hit's it out of the park.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

From beginning to end I truly felt as if I was living through the daily motions with Elisha and his family.

Its a beautifully told story, one that I'd recommend to anyone.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful memoir.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short memoir about Cooper's daughter's illness, and how it feels to try to protect her and suffer with her while working. The prose is beautiful.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a lovely, heartbreaking meditation on the vulnerability of fatherhood.

[Monica · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author has serious anger issues. He's fortunate he hasn't been beaten up during one of his confrontations.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

You might recognize this author's name because he is famous for his children's books and is an amazing artist. He also has a book about parenthood written when his first daughter was born. This book focuses on the year he reaches around his daughter and feels a tumor, beginning a journey of cancer treatment which has a happy ending.
I mention this because I expected something completely different. I love Cooper's writing. It is so concise that you can be walking down a New York street with him. But, in many ways the book is about the anger he wrestles with as he tries to maintain normal life while buffeted by circumstances he cannot control. This fine line of being serene for his children and being angry at someone who yells at them was at the crux. How does feeling helpless cause us to behave, he seems to ask. Here is a few lines to give you an idea of both the writing and the thinking. Earlier in this chapter he has yelled at the man for yelling at his girls.
"As I slip the envelope under the man's door, I am aware that our words never reach our intended audience in the way we would like, but I think that our attempt at connection--that our words say what we want them to-- may be the most of human hopes.
Later I find out that I slipped the letter under the wrong door."

[Jerry Richey · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Elisha Cooper’s almost five-year-old daughter, Zoe, sat on his lap at a Chicago Cubs baseball game, he felt a lump under her ribs. At home, after the game, he told his wife what he’d found. Within a week or so of the discovery, after many doctor and hospital visits and medical tests, the Coopers received the diagnosis: cancer.

Thus begins Cooper’s eloquent, tightly constructed memoir, Falling: A Daughter, A Father, And A Journey Back, which describes his love for Zoe, the effect of her cancer on the family, and their battle (a word Cooper dislikes) against the disease. Cooper, an award winning author and illustrator of children’s books, vividly captures the progression of his emotions after each “clean” report from the oncologist – a brief feeling of relief followed by anxiety, fear, terror, anger, fury, and rage as the time for the next office visit comes closer. These emotions dramatically affect Cooper’s actions; for instance, one time he screams at and even threatens to kill a neighbor who told his two daughters they could not play in the hall outside their apartment. In another event, while riding his bike from Central Park to his apartment, he is nearly hit by a silver sports car that swerves into the bike lane. At the next intersection, the driver curses at Cooper, who retaliates by repeatedly punching the car’s side view mirror until it falls to the pavement. Just as in the movies, a chase scene ensues. Cooper’s responses to events have become so extreme, even stunning, that he asks himself, “Who is this person?”

In this beautifully written memoir in which both Cooper’s faith that his daughter will be healed and his patience are tested, he movingly provides insight into a father’s thoughts, feelings, and actions as, over a prolonged period, he confronts the possible loss of his child.

[wellreadtraveler · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a beautiful story written by a dad who shares his family’s triumph over cancer! While enjoying a baseball game, Elisha discovers a lump in his daughter’s abdomen and, while he’s not too concerned at the time, he decides it’s best to have her seen by the pediatrician. This starts a serious of events that will forever change their lives.

After many appointments and surgery, Elisha and his wife, Elise, find out their daughter has a pediatric kidney cancer called Wilms’ tumor. The family is scheduled to move from Chicago to New York for Elise’s job, but have to put the move on hold so Zoe can have the tumor removed. After surgery Zoe starts radiation and chemotherapy so they can make sure all the cancer is gone. The family moves and settles in start their new routine of balancing school, jobs, and regular hospital visits for treatment.

When any illness or disease strikes a family, it will either bring them together or tear them apart, and Elisha does his best to keep everything in their lives as normal as possible. He wants Zoe and her sister Mia to live life just like everyone else: enjoy climbing trees, traveling, getting dirty, and spending time with friends; not living in fear of what could happen. Thankfully Zoe was able to beat her cancer and what a special book this will be for her to read when she’s older.

As a cancer survivor myself, I really related to this book. You go through so many ups and downs emotionally, but in the end I wouldn’t change anything because cancer really opens your eyes to how lucky we are to have our health and to live everyday to its fullest.

[Naomi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hard book! Great book! Hard, great book, to read. I cannot IMAGINE having to, getting to, persevering THROUGH, writing it. Walking through the fire hurts so bad, and I don't even know this personally. And it breaks my heart that this man doesn't have the Hope that I have, because he's never trusted Jesus as Savior, and it seems isn't so sure He wants to believe in God. I came across this book when I had a minute to kill at the library, while waiting on our kiddos to pick their books (and they didn't need my help). So I read the first two pages while I was waiting for them, and then it was THAT GOOD and I couldn't stop there, so I checked it out. Now I'm going to look into some of Elisha Cooper's 1, children's books, and 2, his other memoir. I'm so glad, in so many words, he "lived to tell this story."

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cooper is a successful author of children’s books and the father of two young daughters. One day while sharing a baseball game with his daughter Zoe, a baseball fan like himself, he noticed a lump in her side that was soon diagnosed as kidney cancer. This book describes what the diagnosis meant for this young family, as well as how it impacted their lives for years to come, always waiting for the next series of tests to come back clean, which they did, but which never truly alleviated the stress involved. It is an insightful look at how a cancer diagnosis becomes a part of a family’s life, no matter what the outcome.

[Marcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know Elisha Cooper's work for children and am fond of his illustrations. This book for adults is a moving memoir of discovering that his five-year old daughter had cancer. He writes so candidly about the emotions he experienced, the anger that manifested itself, and how he tried to keep his life normal during that time. A short book, well written, that moved me to tears.

[Nancy Liebetrau · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a non-fiction book that deals with the author's journey through his daughter's cancer, and the way the cancer impacts his relationship with his daughter and other family members. I would describe Elisha Cooper's style as sparse but very appropriate for this memoir. This book is a fast read and a nice change from the fiction I've been reading lately.

[Arianna Degasperis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a great read. Elisha Cooper does a fantastic job and recounting his short story of his life as a father, and in particular his daughters diagnosis with cancer. This book is not sad at all, it is a happy book filled with beautiful moments of self reflection. I highly recommend this book!

[Aubrey Wilcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful story. If it hadn't been a library book, I would have been highlighting so many different inspirational and meaningful passages throughout each chapter. It had me in happy, thankful tears by the end. The acknowledgements afterward were the cherry on top of a wonderful, quick read. Loved it. Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life with us, Mr. Cooper.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

BEAUTIFUL

this book is a wonderful story, and is so beautifully written! my daughter also had cancer as a young child, and this author captured many of the thoughts and feelings i had that i had never voiced. just lovely.