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It's Okay to Laugh:
Joining the ranks of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and Carry On, Warrior, a fierce, hysterically funny memoir that reminds us that comedy equals tragedy plus time.
Twentysomething Nora McInerny bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend and job to job. Then she met Aaron, a charismatic art director and her kindred spirit. They made mix tapes (and pancakes) into the wee hours of the morning. They finished each other’s sentences. They just knew. When Aaron was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer, they refused to let it limit their love. They got engaged on Aaron’s hospital bed and married after his first surgery. They had a baby when he was on chemo. They shared an amazing summer filled with happiness and laughter. A few months later, Aaron died in Nora’s arms in another hospital bed. His wildly creative obituary, which they wrote together, touched the world.
Now, Nora shares hysterical, moving, and painfully honest stories about her journey with Aaron. It’s Okay to Laugh explores universal themes of love, marriage, work, (single) motherhood, and depression through her refreshingly frank viewpoint. A love letter to life, in all of its messy glory, and what it’s like to still be kickin', It’s Okay to Laugh is like a long chat with a close friend over a cup of coffee (or chardonnay).
Twentysomething Nora McInerny bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend and job to job. Then she met Aaron, a charismatic art director and her kindred spirit. They made mix tapes (and pancakes) into the wee hours of the morning. They finished each other’s sentences. They just knew. When Aaron was diagnosed with a rare brain cancer, they refused to let it limit their love. They got engaged on Aaron’s hospital bed and married after his first surgery. They had a baby when he was on chemo. They shared an amazing summer filled with happiness and laughter. A few months later, Aaron died in Nora’s arms in another hospital bed. His wildly creative obituary, which they wrote together, touched the world.
Now, Nora shares hysterical, moving, and painfully honest stories about her journey with Aaron. It’s Okay to Laugh explores universal themes of love, marriage, work, (single) motherhood, and depression through her refreshingly frank viewpoint. A love letter to life, in all of its messy glory, and what it’s like to still be kickin', It’s Okay to Laugh is like a long chat with a close friend over a cup of coffee (or chardonnay).
7 pages, Audiobook
First published May 17, 2016
800 people are currently reading
17738 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,094 reviews
March 9, 2016
This is a beautiful motherfucker of a book that will make you laugh as much as it makes you cry, and will make you want to fiercely hug every single one of your humans to tell them you're so very glad they're in your life.
Ten thousand gold stars to Nora for being vulnerable and open and giving their big love the gloriously-written tribute it deserves.
<3 <3 <3
Ten thousand gold stars to Nora for being vulnerable and open and giving their big love the gloriously-written tribute it deserves.
<3 <3 <3
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February 8, 2016Ralph the Toddler and I crossed paths for the first (and, so far, only) time at a Minneapolis backyard party last summer.
The little dude was impossible to miss: He nonchalantly picked up a garden hose, engaged the trigger, and proceeded to spray the adult attendees for several seconds until someone intervened.
It was awesome.
Now think about an entire book filled with such awesomeness. Such a book exists … by the Mother of Ralph herself, Nora McInerny Purmort.
That book has been much anticipated hereabouts, partly because it’s a follow-up to the local author’s well-known blog, My Husband’s Tumor.
That blog chronicled Nora’s love affair with one Aaron Joseph Purmort amid his horrific and ultimately fatal battle with brain cancer.
Wacky fun, eh?
In Nora’s upcoming memoir, “It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too),” it surprisingly, definitely is.
Oh, it’s sad, too. Very, very sad. So are other events in the author’s life, such as the death of her father, and a miscarriage that robbed her of a second kid as her partner succumbed to his illness.
The book’s title says it all. At times, you’ll want to cry (and, if you are lucky enough to run into the statuesque writer, give her a hug).
But the book is often hilarious. Several times during my stop-everything, in-less-than-a-day devourment of this priceless volume, I threw my head back and guffawed.
Gallows humor: It’s my fave.
Nora, a novice author, has a nice, light touch that reminds me of Elizabeth Gilbert (and I am referring more to her charming memoir “Committed: A Love Story” than to its prequel, the wildly overhyped “Eat, Pray, Love“).
The book covers a lot of ground. It is about Nora as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a sibling (including to a sister, the amazing Meghan McInerny Wilker), and as an inconsolable but sometimes-horny widow.
I hesitate to say more about Nora’s book because I do not want to ruin it for you. Just read it. You won’t regret it, even though it is often a total bummer.
And, no, Ralph’s hose attack is not in this book … but maybe it will be in the sequel to what is sure to be a nonfiction hit of the year, Nora?
The little dude was impossible to miss: He nonchalantly picked up a garden hose, engaged the trigger, and proceeded to spray the adult attendees for several seconds until someone intervened.
It was awesome.
Now think about an entire book filled with such awesomeness. Such a book exists … by the Mother of Ralph herself, Nora McInerny Purmort.
That book has been much anticipated hereabouts, partly because it’s a follow-up to the local author’s well-known blog, My Husband’s Tumor.
That blog chronicled Nora’s love affair with one Aaron Joseph Purmort amid his horrific and ultimately fatal battle with brain cancer.
Wacky fun, eh?
In Nora’s upcoming memoir, “It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too),” it surprisingly, definitely is.
Oh, it’s sad, too. Very, very sad. So are other events in the author’s life, such as the death of her father, and a miscarriage that robbed her of a second kid as her partner succumbed to his illness.
The book’s title says it all. At times, you’ll want to cry (and, if you are lucky enough to run into the statuesque writer, give her a hug).
But the book is often hilarious. Several times during my stop-everything, in-less-than-a-day devourment of this priceless volume, I threw my head back and guffawed.
Gallows humor: It’s my fave.
Nora, a novice author, has a nice, light touch that reminds me of Elizabeth Gilbert (and I am referring more to her charming memoir “Committed: A Love Story” than to its prequel, the wildly overhyped “Eat, Pray, Love“).
The book covers a lot of ground. It is about Nora as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a sibling (including to a sister, the amazing Meghan McInerny Wilker), and as an inconsolable but sometimes-horny widow.
I hesitate to say more about Nora’s book because I do not want to ruin it for you. Just read it. You won’t regret it, even though it is often a total bummer.
And, no, Ralph’s hose attack is not in this book … but maybe it will be in the sequel to what is sure to be a nonfiction hit of the year, Nora?
August 8, 2016
AUGH, everyone else loved this...I did not. I just wanted her to calm down and tell her story and all the jumping around and grand pronouncements out of nowhere and the glib life lessons inserted at the end of every chapter drove me nuts. I couldn't connect emotionally with it even though I really wanted to. Probably I'm just a robot who is dead inside.
December 20, 2016
This was an incredibly intimate and vulnerable book so it is hard to write a negative review of it without it seeming like a personal attack on Nora. This one star feels like kicking someone who is already down but I am not going to change my honest review because of potential hurt feelings. Nora admits to reading comment sections about herself and taking them personally. So, Nora, if you are reading this, I'm really sorry that you lost your husband and father and had a miscarriage. Death fucking sucks. It really, really does and my heart goes out to you. Me hating your book has nothing to do with disliking you personally. Hell, I don't know you as a person, I am only judging this book on its literary merits. (And I am not even saying I have good taste.)
The pace and tone of the book drove me nuts. It skipped all over the place. It was repetitive. It was whiny. It was judgmental. "My husband died of CANCER. I wore my retainer when I was hungover. I am tall. My dad died 6 weeks before my husband died of CANCER. My mother drives me nuts. I am a widow who wears a retainer. I watched Real Housewives while wearing my retainer while my husband died of CANCER and we were too tall for the hospital bed. My dad died. I lost my baby, but not to CANCER. You should laugh because I wore my retainer even when my baby died and mothers, am I right? " Imagine that for about 40 chapters and you don't really need to read the book.
I would say that problem with the book, including why it is written in such a disjointed and rehashed style, stems from the stage of grief Nora was in when she wrote it. When your life is shipwrecked by loss you're skinned alive and drowning but people are there with wine, hugs, and bereavement leave. There is an understanding to both reach out and give you a wide berth. However, as the weeks turn to months the world keeps moving and people expect you to start forging your way forward too. This hurts. This is the worst. Everything is still so raw but the casseroles have stopped coming and the bills need to be paid. You are still consumed with your pain and it seems impossible to care about meetings and showers and groceries when it all seems so trite in comparison. There is nothing else to do, you have to pull yourself out of your pain and go on. This whole book is an exercise in digging one's heels in and refusing to take that next step. It's self-indulgent. It felt like a long begging for attention; a plea to have people stay with her in sadness and stop the world. There wasn't enough time for growth and perspective and there was too much time for an honest rawness of emotion. The book came out emotionally crippled, using really unfunny jokes as a form of self defense as she went over, and over, and over the same things.
At one point in the novel, Nora says that several months after Aaron died she began telling her friends that she had signed up for Match.com. She hadn't, she just told people that to see their reaction saying something like, "I don't know why I said that. It wasn't funny. Maybe I just wanted to see their reactions." This entire novel feels like that.
The pace and tone of the book drove me nuts. It skipped all over the place. It was repetitive. It was whiny. It was judgmental. "My husband died of CANCER. I wore my retainer when I was hungover. I am tall. My dad died 6 weeks before my husband died of CANCER. My mother drives me nuts. I am a widow who wears a retainer. I watched Real Housewives while wearing my retainer while my husband died of CANCER and we were too tall for the hospital bed. My dad died. I lost my baby, but not to CANCER. You should laugh because I wore my retainer even when my baby died and mothers, am I right? " Imagine that for about 40 chapters and you don't really need to read the book.
I would say that problem with the book, including why it is written in such a disjointed and rehashed style, stems from the stage of grief Nora was in when she wrote it. When your life is shipwrecked by loss you're skinned alive and drowning but people are there with wine, hugs, and bereavement leave. There is an understanding to both reach out and give you a wide berth. However, as the weeks turn to months the world keeps moving and people expect you to start forging your way forward too. This hurts. This is the worst. Everything is still so raw but the casseroles have stopped coming and the bills need to be paid. You are still consumed with your pain and it seems impossible to care about meetings and showers and groceries when it all seems so trite in comparison. There is nothing else to do, you have to pull yourself out of your pain and go on. This whole book is an exercise in digging one's heels in and refusing to take that next step. It's self-indulgent. It felt like a long begging for attention; a plea to have people stay with her in sadness and stop the world. There wasn't enough time for growth and perspective and there was too much time for an honest rawness of emotion. The book came out emotionally crippled, using really unfunny jokes as a form of self defense as she went over, and over, and over the same things.
At one point in the novel, Nora says that several months after Aaron died she began telling her friends that she had signed up for Match.com. She hadn't, she just told people that to see their reaction saying something like, "I don't know why I said that. It wasn't funny. Maybe I just wanted to see their reactions." This entire novel feels like that.
November 27, 2024
I appreciate so much how McInerny writes about grief. She is unique in her tone and approach. She is so relatable as a sarcastic person who feels deeply but that also includes joy even in the darkest moments. This book is her first and it isn't as strong as her other books from a writing standpoint but this one is still really good and entertaining and hits home.
June 7, 2016
This is a deeply felt and not especially well-written memoir. The author deals with the miscarriage of her second child and the death of her husband and father, all within weeks of each other.
While no one would gainsay the words of any person who has survived such crippling tragedies, I was struck by her gallows humor. Her father, on his deathbed, asked her to come closer so he could tell her something, and when she gets near, he tells her she was adopted. Evidently his idea of a great dying joke.
The best parts of this book are in the essay in which the author lists the completely inappropriate and just stupid comments that people make to the newly bereaved, such as, “I felt the same way when my dog died.” Or, “You just have to buck up and fight your way through it.” These are well-meaning but blockheaded comments that people make because there really is nothing to say to a wife at her husband’s funeral. But it doesn’t mean you have to say something stupid.
Aside from that excellent chapter, the author makes macabre jokes about the tragic things going on. Her husband tells her he’s having a tumor in his brain looked at through an MRI. He says, “The doctor told me it was small.” And she quips back, “Your brain or the tumor?” She seems to have inherited her father’s sense of humor. After her miscarriage, she asks the question: If you lose a baby, and nobody knew about it in the first place, does it make a sound?
There are continuous references made to Facebook and situation comedies on TV that perfectly capture how she feels in a certain moment. Given that I have all but abandoned Facebook and have seen perhaps one of the dozen or so of the sitcoms/TV dramas that she cites, I was in the dark on this. She seems saturated with popular culture. It might be a generational thing, but I didn’t watch TV much even as a child.
She also has some nicely poetic lines, such as “Grief strips you skinless,” and a great observation about how children think that all grandparents are born at 75.
A final quibble, and this may just be the professor and copy editor in me talking: She has no idea of the principal parts of the verbs “to lie” and “to lay.” She’s always laying on the floor or laying in bed.
The best thing about the book is she knows how to describe the hell she’s been through, even though it’s often with a wise-guy humor.
While no one would gainsay the words of any person who has survived such crippling tragedies, I was struck by her gallows humor. Her father, on his deathbed, asked her to come closer so he could tell her something, and when she gets near, he tells her she was adopted. Evidently his idea of a great dying joke.
The best parts of this book are in the essay in which the author lists the completely inappropriate and just stupid comments that people make to the newly bereaved, such as, “I felt the same way when my dog died.” Or, “You just have to buck up and fight your way through it.” These are well-meaning but blockheaded comments that people make because there really is nothing to say to a wife at her husband’s funeral. But it doesn’t mean you have to say something stupid.
Aside from that excellent chapter, the author makes macabre jokes about the tragic things going on. Her husband tells her he’s having a tumor in his brain looked at through an MRI. He says, “The doctor told me it was small.” And she quips back, “Your brain or the tumor?” She seems to have inherited her father’s sense of humor. After her miscarriage, she asks the question: If you lose a baby, and nobody knew about it in the first place, does it make a sound?
There are continuous references made to Facebook and situation comedies on TV that perfectly capture how she feels in a certain moment. Given that I have all but abandoned Facebook and have seen perhaps one of the dozen or so of the sitcoms/TV dramas that she cites, I was in the dark on this. She seems saturated with popular culture. It might be a generational thing, but I didn’t watch TV much even as a child.
She also has some nicely poetic lines, such as “Grief strips you skinless,” and a great observation about how children think that all grandparents are born at 75.
A final quibble, and this may just be the professor and copy editor in me talking: She has no idea of the principal parts of the verbs “to lie” and “to lay.” She’s always laying on the floor or laying in bed.
The best thing about the book is she knows how to describe the hell she’s been through, even though it’s often with a wise-guy humor.
Read
February 10, 2017I picked up this collection of essays after listening to the first episode of a new podcast from American Public Media, “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.” A couple years ago, McInerny Purmort had a miscarriage, lost her father to cancer, and lost her husband to cancer within just a few months. This book, written after that time, is about grief, family, and survival in the face of really awful life experiences that I found weirdly uplifting and comforting to read during my own season of loss.
— Kim Ukura
from The Best Books We Read In December 2016: http://bookriot.com/2017/01/03/riot-r...
— Kim Ukura
from The Best Books We Read In December 2016: http://bookriot.com/2017/01/03/riot-r...
May 22, 2017
Never gonna be a Nora key chain, I understand completely (someone find a carissa anything i dare you). This novel was hilarious and made my life seem well not like a cake walk but less shitty then it actually is. Her father, dead. Her husband, dead. Her soon to be born child, dead. Now i know i just said this book is hilarious and then said her life is screwed up and everyone important in her life died but they way she writes her story made me love this story. Death, love, friendship and all.
I listened to this book and i am very glad that i did because listening to memoirs really give you what and how the author wanted you to hear the story.
Chapter 26.... LOVE
Chapter 29... 😂
Chapter 30... 👶 🍼 🍦😄
Chapter 32... very motivating
Chapter 47... 🤒😌
Highly recommend this book!📚
Favorite quotes (basically the whole book)
"Evicting all the squirrels"
"The bank is being really picky about me not having a job"
"Hot young widows club"
"Reach out to a dead man for a job"
"Get in the car, drive west, maybe go to culvers"
"California is in a drought, why do people live here?!"
"If God does show up i cant really stop him"
"There is not even an emoji to represent me emotions right now"
"Im to selfish to care about their grief"
"No, Dr Mic Dreamy is hot, but dont go for him im not dead yet"
Go read this book right now! It will make you laugh, aww and rethink all the crap in your life.
I listened to this book and i am very glad that i did because listening to memoirs really give you what and how the author wanted you to hear the story.
Chapter 26.... LOVE
Chapter 29... 😂
Chapter 30... 👶 🍼 🍦😄
Chapter 32... very motivating
Chapter 47... 🤒😌
Highly recommend this book!📚
Favorite quotes (basically the whole book)
"Evicting all the squirrels"
"The bank is being really picky about me not having a job"
"Hot young widows club"
"Reach out to a dead man for a job"
"Get in the car, drive west, maybe go to culvers"
"California is in a drought, why do people live here?!"
"If God does show up i cant really stop him"
"There is not even an emoji to represent me emotions right now"
"Im to selfish to care about their grief"
"No, Dr Mic Dreamy is hot, but dont go for him im not dead yet"
Go read this book right now! It will make you laugh, aww and rethink all the crap in your life.
June 5, 2016
(3.5) “Being an adult is doing everything before you are ready.” Purmort was hit by a triple whammy of loss: within a matter of weeks of miscarrying her second child, both her father and her husband were dead of cancer. She and Aaron knew what they were up against: after a seizure revealed his Stage IV brain cancer, they got engaged on his hospital bed and went through fertility treatment to have their son, Ralphie. All in all they got three years together, after which the Minneapolis-based author founded what she calls the “Hot Widows Club.” She’s only about my age but, as she puts it, has “been through some shit” and managed to keep going, albeit gracelessly at times.
The book is in the form of short essays, a lot like blog entries, with the trio of losses reverberating again and again. I might have preferred a bit more of a narrative – I wearied of open letters and lists – but individually the pieces are well written, treading the fine line between heartbreak and humor. Chapters 26 and 29 are the two stand-outs, I think. The book is best where she eases up on self-deprecating jokes and pop culture references and just tells her story, so much of which resonates with my sister’s experience of losing her own husband to brain cancer. As soon as I finished the book, I ordered her a copy.
The book is in the form of short essays, a lot like blog entries, with the trio of losses reverberating again and again. I might have preferred a bit more of a narrative – I wearied of open letters and lists – but individually the pieces are well written, treading the fine line between heartbreak and humor. Chapters 26 and 29 are the two stand-outs, I think. The book is best where she eases up on self-deprecating jokes and pop culture references and just tells her story, so much of which resonates with my sister’s experience of losing her own husband to brain cancer. As soon as I finished the book, I ordered her a copy.
September 1, 2016
There is no wrong place to read this book. Unless you’re uncomfortable crying or laughing uncontrollably in public. Then you might want to stay home for this one. The feelings hit early and often, and don't let up until your faith in humanity has been restored.
Nora's writing is honest, hilarious and full of life. You won’t want to put it down, but if you do, it’s only because you don’t want the book to end.
Nora's writing is honest, hilarious and full of life. You won’t want to put it down, but if you do, it’s only because you don’t want the book to end.
May 25, 2016
Imagine losing your husband, father and unborn child all in the span of a year when you are 31 years old. Now imagine writing a book about it not long after and still managing to be funny and open about it all. Nora McInerny Purmort is an unapologetic, sassy woman, who went through hell and still made me snort-laugh while reading. She's got a ton of opinions, not all of which I agree with, but I had a hard time putting this down. I really enjoyed this!
December 2, 2016
I wanted to like this book more than I was able to. I wanted to draw inspiration and humor from a local author (we both live in Minnesota), a woman who has been through quite a bit and still maintains a sense of humor. I wanted to feel like the author and I could go have a beer and shoot the breeze some day. Maybe that will happen. Who knows. We both live in the Twin Cities.
But, I didn't connect with the material as much as I had hoped. I'm giving this memoir two stars because according to the official Goodreads scale, that means the book is "ok" but not something you necessarily like. I can't decide really if I "liked" it, so that usually means not really. I didn't hate it. I read the whole thing, in just a couple of days, so it wasn't a slog. Actually the author narrated her own audiobook and that did work well, so kudos for the audiobook.
My husband came into the room where I was working while listening to the audiobook and wondered who this whiney woman was and why was I listening to it. I hadn't up to that point really thought of her as whining, but after my husband mentioned that, I couldn't stop hearing her comments in a whining tone. Is she entitled to whine after everything she's been through? Sure. People whine a whole lot more about a whole lot less. Good grief, the recent news is littered with stories about groups of people protesting ludicrous things, declaring safe zones away from the thoughts of others. Barf. I actually connected with the author when she expressed frustration with friends of hers for complaining about minor ailments. Yes, that annoys me too. We are the same. I am with you. We are on the same team. Your kid having a runny noses are no reason for an hour long crying session about how hard your life is, let alone an entire blog post. Seriously, get a grip and pull on those big girl panties already.
But then she gives her flashbacks to her time in New York and how truly awful her frequent hangovers were. Um, wait a minute. You don't like people whining about minor things, but then you do it. Repeatedly. After telling us how annoying you find it.
Brain cancer is awful, and losing your husband at such a young age is unfair. Having a miscarriage around the same time, while also losing your dad, well, these are things that happen. To more people than not, I'd venture. People generally lose their parents, and as a parent, I can say that is preferable than parents losing their children. Yes, I get it, the husband brain cancer part was extremely harsh and unusual. But first trimester miscarriages and parental loss when you are an adult is hardly the road less traveled. The author sells the whole trifecta like it makes her the most tormented soul on earth since Lot himself.
I know I'm coming off like a complete ass. Yes, I'm an insensitive ass. I do feel for the author and what she went through in all three of these losses. But she does build herself and her loss into the ultimate of loss-dom; she has "won" the loss game. This is particularly grating when she is near the end of the book criticizing people who had offered her condolences by telling her about their own losses which she deemed much less important. Oh, your cousin's aunt died of brain cancer and you feel my pain. Come talk to me about my pain when you've lost YOUR DAD, YOUR EMBRYO, and YOUR HUSBAND all in the same year. Um, ok, nice way to handle ham-handed condolences.
But not nearly as dreadful as how she attacked a friend of her husband's who apologized to her at his funeral for not being around because he didn't know what to say. She lept down the guy's throat so badly that family members had to restrain her, because he hadn't come and told them "not right" things that she could then judge and hate them for. Wow. That sense of entitlement to the support and condolences that she felt she deserved put me off big time. Gosh I am glad I wasn't in their social circles, as I'm sure I couldn't have done it correctly and then would be punished for my pathetic efforts.
The capper was the fact that she, as a single mother, decides to just quit her job, and actually is able to do this. I've been a single mom. The thing you don't do is quit your job without another one lined up to start the very next day, because you have responsibilities. You need to have insurance and pay the mortgage. Or maybe you don't. But I did.
She acknowledges that it was a "privilege" to be able to do this. But, and this may have been more emphasized in audiobook, she did so in such a mocking tone in acknowledging this "privilege" (you could actually ear the air quotes) that you know she doesn't really have a clue what it would mean to not have this privilege. To have to pull yourself together for your child because it's actually on you. I'm happy that she has a great support network. That is a blessing for her and for her son. I guess I just wish she would have been a little more appreciative of it, of her mother and her siblings and those friends who brought food, and the fact that she could just quit her job and end up with a lucrative book deal when many, many talented writers I know (I'm not talking about myself here, I have friends who write) are struggling to find agents or publishers for their works. Yes folks, privilege is real. This was on par to Lean In levels of social blindness about the author's own privilege, despite the fact that she said the word.
Ok, I've ranted long enough. I don't regret reading the book, but I don't feel a strong affinity for it either. I'll probably get some heat for what a jerk I am, but the author can comfort herself with the financial rewards of a successful book.
But, I didn't connect with the material as much as I had hoped. I'm giving this memoir two stars because according to the official Goodreads scale, that means the book is "ok" but not something you necessarily like. I can't decide really if I "liked" it, so that usually means not really. I didn't hate it. I read the whole thing, in just a couple of days, so it wasn't a slog. Actually the author narrated her own audiobook and that did work well, so kudos for the audiobook.
My husband came into the room where I was working while listening to the audiobook and wondered who this whiney woman was and why was I listening to it. I hadn't up to that point really thought of her as whining, but after my husband mentioned that, I couldn't stop hearing her comments in a whining tone. Is she entitled to whine after everything she's been through? Sure. People whine a whole lot more about a whole lot less. Good grief, the recent news is littered with stories about groups of people protesting ludicrous things, declaring safe zones away from the thoughts of others. Barf. I actually connected with the author when she expressed frustration with friends of hers for complaining about minor ailments. Yes, that annoys me too. We are the same. I am with you. We are on the same team. Your kid having a runny noses are no reason for an hour long crying session about how hard your life is, let alone an entire blog post. Seriously, get a grip and pull on those big girl panties already.
But then she gives her flashbacks to her time in New York and how truly awful her frequent hangovers were. Um, wait a minute. You don't like people whining about minor things, but then you do it. Repeatedly. After telling us how annoying you find it.
Brain cancer is awful, and losing your husband at such a young age is unfair. Having a miscarriage around the same time, while also losing your dad, well, these are things that happen. To more people than not, I'd venture. People generally lose their parents, and as a parent, I can say that is preferable than parents losing their children. Yes, I get it, the husband brain cancer part was extremely harsh and unusual. But first trimester miscarriages and parental loss when you are an adult is hardly the road less traveled. The author sells the whole trifecta like it makes her the most tormented soul on earth since Lot himself.
I know I'm coming off like a complete ass. Yes, I'm an insensitive ass. I do feel for the author and what she went through in all three of these losses. But she does build herself and her loss into the ultimate of loss-dom; she has "won" the loss game. This is particularly grating when she is near the end of the book criticizing people who had offered her condolences by telling her about their own losses which she deemed much less important. Oh, your cousin's aunt died of brain cancer and you feel my pain. Come talk to me about my pain when you've lost YOUR DAD, YOUR EMBRYO, and YOUR HUSBAND all in the same year. Um, ok, nice way to handle ham-handed condolences.
But not nearly as dreadful as how she attacked a friend of her husband's who apologized to her at his funeral for not being around because he didn't know what to say. She lept down the guy's throat so badly that family members had to restrain her, because he hadn't come and told them "not right" things that she could then judge and hate them for. Wow. That sense of entitlement to the support and condolences that she felt she deserved put me off big time. Gosh I am glad I wasn't in their social circles, as I'm sure I couldn't have done it correctly and then would be punished for my pathetic efforts.
The capper was the fact that she, as a single mother, decides to just quit her job, and actually is able to do this. I've been a single mom. The thing you don't do is quit your job without another one lined up to start the very next day, because you have responsibilities. You need to have insurance and pay the mortgage. Or maybe you don't. But I did.
She acknowledges that it was a "privilege" to be able to do this. But, and this may have been more emphasized in audiobook, she did so in such a mocking tone in acknowledging this "privilege" (you could actually ear the air quotes) that you know she doesn't really have a clue what it would mean to not have this privilege. To have to pull yourself together for your child because it's actually on you. I'm happy that she has a great support network. That is a blessing for her and for her son. I guess I just wish she would have been a little more appreciative of it, of her mother and her siblings and those friends who brought food, and the fact that she could just quit her job and end up with a lucrative book deal when many, many talented writers I know (I'm not talking about myself here, I have friends who write) are struggling to find agents or publishers for their works. Yes folks, privilege is real. This was on par to Lean In levels of social blindness about the author's own privilege, despite the fact that she said the word.
Ok, I've ranted long enough. I don't regret reading the book, but I don't feel a strong affinity for it either. I'll probably get some heat for what a jerk I am, but the author can comfort herself with the financial rewards of a successful book.
July 25, 2018
I'm actually writing this with 31 minutes and 35 seconds left because I have finally given up that this book will give any insight deeper than a Buzzfeed listicle. I bought this book with the hopeful intention of a sneak peak into a woman's grief that maybe could guide my own impending grief. Instead I got a book about this woman's dating life, her wardrobe choices, a litany of pop culture references and jokes that fell short. I feel like I got to know Ralphie better than I got to know Aaron. I mean, beyond the fact that he must have been a saint to love this woman. I wanted to know what it must have been like to see the man you love quite literally waste away in front of your eyes and how angry she was about it. Or how terrified she is of the day she can't quite remember his face. Or how she's preparing herself for when Ralphie starts asking her "tell me about dad". But instead I can list 5 different TV shows she likes to watch, 3 different stores she shops for clothing, 4 alcoholic beverages she drinks, and several dozen non-sequitur childhood stories bearing nothing to the story at hand. What a disappointment. I know this woman felt a tremendous amount of grief. She had to have, right? This book had the depth of a OK! Magazine article. So if you want to read a non-funny, non-sad, non-insightful book about cancer... uh, this is the book for you.
May 28, 2016
I started reading this book on a Tuesday morning, with my coffee. By the time I got halfway through I decided I needed something stronger and so I finished the book on a Friday night, with a glass (or 2) of white wine.
If you don’t know the premise of the book, here it is in a nutshell: Nora experienced the loss of her unborn baby, her father, and her husband, all within weeks of each other. This book reads like a series of essays that jumps around a bit but all fits together perfectly in the end. I will say, however, when I read that last page I shouted “NOOO!” because I wasn’t ready to let go of the book.
One of my favorite parts came near the end:
“The world will keep spinning, and your life will get a little bit better every time you give up on the shit that is taking you away from your one wild and precious life.”
Because THIS is what the book was about. Sure, it’s about grief and loss and pain but also love and hope and family and friendship. And not letting the little things drag us down. To remember that quitting is OK. In fact, quitting oftentimes IS the answer.
Read this book. You won't regret it. And if you're not liking it once you start? Just quit, because that's ok, too.
If you don’t know the premise of the book, here it is in a nutshell: Nora experienced the loss of her unborn baby, her father, and her husband, all within weeks of each other. This book reads like a series of essays that jumps around a bit but all fits together perfectly in the end. I will say, however, when I read that last page I shouted “NOOO!” because I wasn’t ready to let go of the book.
One of my favorite parts came near the end:
“The world will keep spinning, and your life will get a little bit better every time you give up on the shit that is taking you away from your one wild and precious life.”
Because THIS is what the book was about. Sure, it’s about grief and loss and pain but also love and hope and family and friendship. And not letting the little things drag us down. To remember that quitting is OK. In fact, quitting oftentimes IS the answer.
Read this book. You won't regret it. And if you're not liking it once you start? Just quit, because that's ok, too.
August 10, 2017
I have a friend who just had a double mastectomy and when I expressed to her, "My heart hurts for you." Her response back was, "It's okay. I have learned in my life that if we were all to take our problems out and put on the table for all to see, we would gladly keep our own." This book expresses just that idea. Her losses are greater than mine. However, how she felt feels the same. I was glad I read this book. It was good timing for me. She kept it real. And it had a nice balance of funny and sad.
Woody Swear scale-woody probs wouldn't like the swearing. It's not over he top tho. And in many cases those are the only words to express what she went through.
Woody Swear scale-woody probs wouldn't like the swearing. It's not over he top tho. And in many cases those are the only words to express what she went through.
May 25, 2016
In typical Nora fashion, this lovely collection of essays will have you crying with laughter, then of sadness, then of questioning everything, then from sheer gratitude and light. Over and over again. I will read this 100 times over if it keeps me mindful about love and life, and appreciating and accepting each other while we're here. Because none of us, not one, is here for long.
May 20, 2016
This review was originally posted on www.125pages.com
It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too) by Nora McInerny Purmort is a poignant look at young love tempered by the ever present shadow of death. Nora loses a pregnancy, her father and her husband within a six week time frame. What should be an emotional juggernaut is instead a celebration of love, family and strength. Nora and Aaron marry soon after his diagnosis with a rare form of brain cancer and conceive while he is undergoing chemo. Their love burned bright and what was left behind was a widow and mother with the ability to cry and laugh and rise above her pain.
The writing of Nora McInerny Purmort was raw and honest and gave you a true glimpse into her world. It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too) explores what is left behind after the passing of someone much too young. The heartache and pain but also the joy in his life that was well lived until the end. Nora really reached inside herself to offer up a string of essays on what life looks like before, during and after the death of a spouse from a ravaging disease.
While I found myself more on the cry side than the laughter side with this memoir, I still enjoyed the read. Nora McInerny Purmort was open and honest about some very difficult things. Her tone was steady the whole way through It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too) and I was truly immersed in her world. Not an easy read, this was still a read with true heart and a view on hope that definitely resonated with me.
Favorite lines - Grief strips you skinless. Skin is important not just for looks, but because without it, you are just a walking pile of exposed nerve endings. That’s really the only way to describe our family right now, a bunch of skinless freaks brushing up against our memories just to feel the pain. This sucks because we used to be a lot of fun.
Have you read It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too), or added it to your TBR?This book was most likely received free from the publisher/author in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too) by Nora McInerny Purmort is a poignant look at young love tempered by the ever present shadow of death. Nora loses a pregnancy, her father and her husband within a six week time frame. What should be an emotional juggernaut is instead a celebration of love, family and strength. Nora and Aaron marry soon after his diagnosis with a rare form of brain cancer and conceive while he is undergoing chemo. Their love burned bright and what was left behind was a widow and mother with the ability to cry and laugh and rise above her pain.The writing of Nora McInerny Purmort was raw and honest and gave you a true glimpse into her world. It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too) explores what is left behind after the passing of someone much too young. The heartache and pain but also the joy in his life that was well lived until the end. Nora really reached inside herself to offer up a string of essays on what life looks like before, during and after the death of a spouse from a ravaging disease.
While I found myself more on the cry side than the laughter side with this memoir, I still enjoyed the read. Nora McInerny Purmort was open and honest about some very difficult things. Her tone was steady the whole way through It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too) and I was truly immersed in her world. Not an easy read, this was still a read with true heart and a view on hope that definitely resonated with me.
Favorite lines - Grief strips you skinless. Skin is important not just for looks, but because without it, you are just a walking pile of exposed nerve endings. That’s really the only way to describe our family right now, a bunch of skinless freaks brushing up against our memories just to feel the pain. This sucks because we used to be a lot of fun.
Have you read It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too), or added it to your TBR?This book was most likely received free from the publisher/author in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
March 13, 2019
5 stars all day every day!
YES. My God. I know others have said this in their reviews, but this book is perfectly pertinent to anyone at any stage in life. It’s 100% honest, raw, real, open and vulnerable. It’s charming and harsh, just like life.
Nora is a conversational author. Reading the book feels like sitting on the sofa, drinking wine with your closest girlfriend and just sharing your heart.
I laughed. A lot. Which is odd because the book is about hardship, utter hardship. But Nora is gifted in showing you not only the ironies of life but the light on the other side.
I cried. Her story is heavy. But she’s also inclusive and makes note that everyone’s story is heavy.
And I paused. The beauty of this book is that it forces you to take a step back and truly understand the cliches: “life is fragile” and “you only live once”. Because, as Nora says at the end: “It doesn’t have to be pretty, because it’s true and real, and that’s the best thing that a story can be. Now go live the hell out of your own story.”
Thank. You. Nora.
YES. My God. I know others have said this in their reviews, but this book is perfectly pertinent to anyone at any stage in life. It’s 100% honest, raw, real, open and vulnerable. It’s charming and harsh, just like life.
Nora is a conversational author. Reading the book feels like sitting on the sofa, drinking wine with your closest girlfriend and just sharing your heart.
I laughed. A lot. Which is odd because the book is about hardship, utter hardship. But Nora is gifted in showing you not only the ironies of life but the light on the other side.
I cried. Her story is heavy. But she’s also inclusive and makes note that everyone’s story is heavy.
And I paused. The beauty of this book is that it forces you to take a step back and truly understand the cliches: “life is fragile” and “you only live once”. Because, as Nora says at the end: “It doesn’t have to be pretty, because it’s true and real, and that’s the best thing that a story can be. Now go live the hell out of your own story.”
Thank. You. Nora.
June 1, 2016
This book should be on a required reading list for all living humans. It's a beautifully written account of what happens when shit really hits the fan. It will have you laughing on one page, then weeping on the next. Nora's style of writing is utterly human and easy to relate to - it's like you're sitting and having coffee with your best friend, even if you don't know Nora. (If you don't know Nora, consider knowing her. She's amazing.) Her story is one of epic loss and grief, while clearly demonstrating her utter resilience in her ability to continue to exist as a beautiful human being, and to go on to do amazing things after such a series of awful tragedy. Her advice is spot-on, and she does an amazing job of showing the world that real, big love stories can exist - they just don't always turn out how you expect. Do yourself a favor, and read this book.
March 25, 2016
Nora's husband is dx with an inoperable brain tumor and then wile he's on chemo they decide to conceive a child. A blurb says this book is a hysterically funny memoir. I never laughed. I don't if it says more about me or the book. I just kept saying to myself...really? Now?
Note: I received a free review copy of this book and was not compensated for it.
Note: I received a free review copy of this book and was not compensated for it.
September 13, 2016
It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too) [REVIEW] I’ve known Nora McInerny Purmort for a long time*. As co-workers, we would pal around the office, hang out by the coffee maker, and occasionally gossip. You know — the shit people typically do when they work in confined spaces together 40 some hours a week. Back then, she was sharp, witty, and goofy-in-all-the-right-ways. [She was also the first person to ever tell me about Facebook] After I quit advertising and long after Nora moved out of New York, I’d still randomly see her pop up on the streets of New York. She’d say flattering things to her friends about me. She’d talk about how ‘cool’ I was for quitting my job and for writing comics full time. She said very nice things, very kind things, and very encouraging things that made me blush. She was cool like that. She still is. So, flash forward a bunch of years… and here I am reviewing an advanced copy of HER new book: It's Okay to Laugh (Crying Is Cool Too). Completely unprompted, I had nice things to say about it. Also, you should buy it when it hits stores on May 24th.———“Bad stuff is just like good stuff: it just happens”It's Okay to Laugh recounts the loss of Nora’s husband, the death of her father and the miscarriage of her second child all in the span of weeks. With infinite grace, irresistible prose and enduring honesty, Nora transforms what would be a heart-breaking memoir into a life-affirming anthem. A natural storyteller, Nora’s words will make you laugh and cry all in the same paragraph, often in the same sentence. Her spell-binding essays on depression, cancer, death, motherhood, and familyhood have a gust of self-determination, even in the face of harrowing adversity. With a cheerful pragmatism that one might find in the works of Anne Lamott or Elizabeth Gilbert, Nora captures the highs and lows of simply living one’s life — pointing out that life is harder than it looks for everyone, but in the end, things are going to be okay, sorta. Losing someone you love isn’t easy. Reading this book won’t make it easier. This isn’t a Guide Book for Grief. It won’t magically heal the hole in your heart. What it will do though is offer you profound empathy, companionship, and friendship. With radiant generosity, It’s Okay to Laugh is love letter to life and a profound reminder that we are not alone in this world… even when we feel like we are. ———* Before Twitter was a thing; before Tumblr was founded.
July 22, 2018
This book is wonderful. It's honest, raw, and hilarious. The next thing I'm going to say is going to sound like it's not that hilarious, but I swear it is. In rapid succession she had a miscarriage, her father died, and her husband died of cancer. Having been through something similar with both of my parents dying of cancer (they were in their early 60s, I was in my 30s), I could relate to a lot of her feelings and appreciate the sometimes dark humor. Obviously, that's still totally different than what she went through, but she has a whole section on how grief is lonely because it's so different for everyone, and yes, that part is also spot on. Reading the book is like having a friend that really gets it go through the bad stuff with you.
I might be a little OCD, but the chronology in the book was crazy and I couldn't get a handle on what happened when. I'm still not totally sure when the last part of the book took place chronologically, but for me, that was the only small flaw in this nearly perfect memoir.
I might be a little OCD, but the chronology in the book was crazy and I couldn't get a handle on what happened when. I'm still not totally sure when the last part of the book took place chronologically, but for me, that was the only small flaw in this nearly perfect memoir.
May 29, 2017
I appreciate Nora's honesty (though I feel this way about all memoirs) and I think for a lot of people reading this memoir can be therapeutic and validating. There were times I felt relief that someone else had the thoughts I did, but there wasn't anything helpful, insightful, or actionable. It's not necessarily entertaining either--I didn't laugh or cry? I hope it was cathartic for her to write it. It may be cathartic for you to read it. I don't know how I'd recommend this or to whom.
July 30, 2024
Cried and laughed and felt like I got a big hug reading about her life. Wonderful.
December 17, 2022
Can confirm I both laughed and cried while ready this book
March 4, 2016
I had never heard of Nora McInerny Purmort prior to receiving this advance copy of her memoir to review. For those of you who also aren’t familiar with Nora’s story, she also writes a blog titled My Husband’s Tumor that gained national attention for it’s honest and endearing writing during her husband’s battle with cancer (glioblastoma to be more exact - and terrifying). After her husband passed away, she quit her full-time job and started writing what would become It’s Okay to Laugh: Crying Is Cool Too.
The book is best summarized by Nora’s own description on her blog: “It’s not a cancer story, it’s a love story. With some cancer.” Her writing is heart-wrenching and beautiful and real. I laughed and cried while reading about her life and love, and she’s just as relatable as your friend or coworker. There’s a chapter where she mentions that strangers have come up to her in the street and hugged her after recognizing her from her blog, and after reading along with those people about her life, I have to admit that I would probably also be one of those people. She writes about numerous very personal and private battles (her husband’s cancer, her own miscarriage, her father’s death also by cancer) in a way that gives the reader complete insight into how she’s feeling about those events, even years after they’ve occurred. Her blog is much of the same open and honest writing. Her strength and honesty in the aftermath of a tragedy too immense for me to even fully grasp is truly inspiring, but she writes about it all while still making you laugh about other trivial aspects of her life and relationships.
Nora, if I am ever so lucky as to cross paths with you in real life, I apologize in advance if I become one of those strangers who want to hug you. Your writing style and storytelling in the book and on your blog clearly just make people want to be your friends. I haven’t enjoyed a book about such a sad topic in a very long time (maybe never), so I can’t recommend Nora’s book enough. You will laugh, and as the title suggests, you will probably also be teary-eyed at times, but I can promise you that you won’t regret reading this one.
*Disclaimer* I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
The book is best summarized by Nora’s own description on her blog: “It’s not a cancer story, it’s a love story. With some cancer.” Her writing is heart-wrenching and beautiful and real. I laughed and cried while reading about her life and love, and she’s just as relatable as your friend or coworker. There’s a chapter where she mentions that strangers have come up to her in the street and hugged her after recognizing her from her blog, and after reading along with those people about her life, I have to admit that I would probably also be one of those people. She writes about numerous very personal and private battles (her husband’s cancer, her own miscarriage, her father’s death also by cancer) in a way that gives the reader complete insight into how she’s feeling about those events, even years after they’ve occurred. Her blog is much of the same open and honest writing. Her strength and honesty in the aftermath of a tragedy too immense for me to even fully grasp is truly inspiring, but she writes about it all while still making you laugh about other trivial aspects of her life and relationships.
Nora, if I am ever so lucky as to cross paths with you in real life, I apologize in advance if I become one of those strangers who want to hug you. Your writing style and storytelling in the book and on your blog clearly just make people want to be your friends. I haven’t enjoyed a book about such a sad topic in a very long time (maybe never), so I can’t recommend Nora’s book enough. You will laugh, and as the title suggests, you will probably also be teary-eyed at times, but I can promise you that you won’t regret reading this one.
*Disclaimer* I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
March 10, 2019
This is a good book. At times it's a bit repetitive - it feels like an editor could have done a better job melding Nora's stand-alone essays into this collection. It's sometimes funny, sometimes entertaining, and sometimes just plain sad.
But I have to give it five stars, because it/Nora has changed me. I am a better friend and daughter when someone's sick or grieving. I now know, truly, that it's better to say something, even if my words might come out clumsily ("You’re thankful for the kind things people say, you forgive the dumb things, but you’re crushed by the silence"). I am nicer to myself. And I have higher standards when it comes to dating. (Honestly, I first read this book almost a year ago, and I still think to myself, "You are worth a 'fuck yeah' every day.")
No, each one of those improvements over the past year isn't *just* thanks to Nora. But she certainly contributed to each. I didn't LOVE this book when I was reading it (I'd say I liked it), but it stuck with me in a way that most memoirs don't.
But I have to give it five stars, because it/Nora has changed me. I am a better friend and daughter when someone's sick or grieving. I now know, truly, that it's better to say something, even if my words might come out clumsily ("You’re thankful for the kind things people say, you forgive the dumb things, but you’re crushed by the silence"). I am nicer to myself. And I have higher standards when it comes to dating. (Honestly, I first read this book almost a year ago, and I still think to myself, "You are worth a 'fuck yeah' every day.")
No, each one of those improvements over the past year isn't *just* thanks to Nora. But she certainly contributed to each. I didn't LOVE this book when I was reading it (I'd say I liked it), but it stuck with me in a way that most memoirs don't.
May 2, 2016
This book is like reminiscing with a good friend over glasses of wine. Nora has weaved stories of unbelievable heartbreak with relatable stories of growing up and finding independence. The result is a book that very elegantly details the harsh balance of the joys and heartbreak of the lived experience.
May 10, 2016
Ok - I think partially why I loved this book is because of the New York and Minnesota connections. They both just felt like such familiar worlds (and the author and I are of the same generation, like one that understands how hot Casper the ghost is) that I couldn't help but appreciate the detail of it all.
May 14, 2016
It’s funny, raw, and immensely readable. I am certainly looking forward to whatever is next from Purmort. Read my full review here
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