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Talking Stick: Peacemaking as a Spiritual Path
Practices for openhearted speaking and devout listening to restore harmony in families, relationships, schools, workplaces, and communities
• Details how to approach life with a listening heart and create a sacred space for communication
• Offers exercises for new peacemaking circles, ceremonial ways to begin each circle, and peacemaker tools to unmask the needs and feelings behind conflict
• Explains how to apply this practice in multiple ways, with groups large and small
People are afraid of it is something “bad” that must be managed and resolved. In the face of conflict we focus only on facts--who’s at fault and who should be punished--rather than seeking to restore harmony. But conflict is inevitable and presents an opportunity to establish deeper connections with others. By learning to speak honestly and listen devoutly, we can overcome our culture’s hierarchical and punitive approach to conflict. We can learn to relate to each other in a sacred manner and create relationships and communities that are egalitarian, liberating, and transformational.
Revealing that we are all peacemakers at heart, Steve Beyer details how to approach life with a listening heart and create a safe and sacred space for the peacemaking circle, centered on the talking stick. Whoever holds the talking stick gets to speak. There are no interruptions, no questions, no challenges, no comments. People speak one at a time, honestly from their hearts, and they listen devoutly with their hearts to each person who speaks. And, as Beyer shows, the effect can be miraculous.
The author explains how to apply this practice with groups large and small to deepen relationships, heal old wounds, and restore harmony among families, spouses, classmates, coworkers, and communities. Sharing stories from his work as a peacemaker, he offers exercises for new talking stick circles, ceremonial ways to begin each circle, and tools to ensure the telling of complete stories in cases of conflict. He addresses the nature of apology, forgiveness, and the urge for revenge, and he explores the spiritual challenges faced by those who walk the peace path.
Exploring the shamanic roots of the talking stick practice, the author extends the lessons of the healing circle and the listening heart from our homes, schools, and communities into our relationship to spirit and the Earth.
• Details how to approach life with a listening heart and create a sacred space for communication
• Offers exercises for new peacemaking circles, ceremonial ways to begin each circle, and peacemaker tools to unmask the needs and feelings behind conflict
• Explains how to apply this practice in multiple ways, with groups large and small
People are afraid of it is something “bad” that must be managed and resolved. In the face of conflict we focus only on facts--who’s at fault and who should be punished--rather than seeking to restore harmony. But conflict is inevitable and presents an opportunity to establish deeper connections with others. By learning to speak honestly and listen devoutly, we can overcome our culture’s hierarchical and punitive approach to conflict. We can learn to relate to each other in a sacred manner and create relationships and communities that are egalitarian, liberating, and transformational.
Revealing that we are all peacemakers at heart, Steve Beyer details how to approach life with a listening heart and create a safe and sacred space for the peacemaking circle, centered on the talking stick. Whoever holds the talking stick gets to speak. There are no interruptions, no questions, no challenges, no comments. People speak one at a time, honestly from their hearts, and they listen devoutly with their hearts to each person who speaks. And, as Beyer shows, the effect can be miraculous.
The author explains how to apply this practice with groups large and small to deepen relationships, heal old wounds, and restore harmony among families, spouses, classmates, coworkers, and communities. Sharing stories from his work as a peacemaker, he offers exercises for new talking stick circles, ceremonial ways to begin each circle, and tools to ensure the telling of complete stories in cases of conflict. He addresses the nature of apology, forgiveness, and the urge for revenge, and he explores the spiritual challenges faced by those who walk the peace path.
Exploring the shamanic roots of the talking stick practice, the author extends the lessons of the healing circle and the listening heart from our homes, schools, and communities into our relationship to spirit and the Earth.
- GenresNonfictionCollege
192 pages, Paperback
Published July 4, 2016
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
February 19, 2022
I will first share some basic notes on the practice of the Talking Stick, then a few of the pros, and then the cons of the book. The talking stick is a medicine of the Native American peoples. It is a tradition whereby a communal “Council” is held (either to make important decisions, or as a form of tribunal) and, in order to evade chaos and facilitate communication and listening, a talking stick is passed around the circle. Only the person holding the stick may speak, and for as long as that person speaks everyone else must be listening. The Talking Stick is passed around the circle and everyone shares whatever they wish to say. Fran told me that he has used the Talking Stick with his students, and this tradition has been successfully used in schools throughout the country in order to keep the peace among the students and to diffuse conflict.
The book details the “four intentions”, which are the Council’s social contract. The ceremony and theory of the Talking Stick moves us from blame-seeking to identifying an unmet need that requires attention.
The author rejects the “punitive and violent mythology” we have inherited, which is admirable, and he criticizes how, in our conventional model of “justice”, we usually seek to craft outcomes (punish the wrongdoer, or enforce atonement in some concrete way) rather than deepen relationships. He rejects these transactional models of relating and says we should embrace “process” (versus “product”).
This seems more practical than the forever-war mentality of embittered opponents. However, it seems to imply that, even if we do not see any results, we should still employ the same “process”--which seems unpragmatic. It seems legitimate to expect or want results. We all want to have something to show for whatever time and effort we put into activities, even peacekeeping.
Beyer refuses to use “victim-offender” verbiage, saying that victimization implies moral superiority and is hierarchical. Does it really imply moral superiority? There seems to be a Christian-influenced epistemological error here. People who suffer are not always good, and people who make others suffer are sometimes observed to be defending themselves from some evil thing or person.
Also, we observe that there ARE people who are morally superior to others. There are people who are more responsible, kinder, or more just than others. Some are wiser, more mature, or more experienced than others. To deny this is to reject all ethical and behavioral standards.
On the other hand, when people offend others, they must sometimes admit their offense in order to begin a process of moral and personal development. Rejecting all talk of victim-offender seems, in this case, counter-productive.
And so one potential danger here is that, by rejecting plain facts and by avoiding naming victim-offender relations, this may lead to lack of moral clarity and denial of personal responsibility. I understand that the role of the peacekeeper is to keep the peace, but at what cost?
The Talking Stick ceremony has helped many communities to heal from trauma, and this book provides a good, complete introduction to this wisdom tradition. I advise readers to engage the book critically, and to keep in mind that the task of peacemaking is not always easy.
The book details the “four intentions”, which are the Council’s social contract. The ceremony and theory of the Talking Stick moves us from blame-seeking to identifying an unmet need that requires attention.
The author rejects the “punitive and violent mythology” we have inherited, which is admirable, and he criticizes how, in our conventional model of “justice”, we usually seek to craft outcomes (punish the wrongdoer, or enforce atonement in some concrete way) rather than deepen relationships. He rejects these transactional models of relating and says we should embrace “process” (versus “product”).
This seems more practical than the forever-war mentality of embittered opponents. However, it seems to imply that, even if we do not see any results, we should still employ the same “process”--which seems unpragmatic. It seems legitimate to expect or want results. We all want to have something to show for whatever time and effort we put into activities, even peacekeeping.
Beyer refuses to use “victim-offender” verbiage, saying that victimization implies moral superiority and is hierarchical. Does it really imply moral superiority? There seems to be a Christian-influenced epistemological error here. People who suffer are not always good, and people who make others suffer are sometimes observed to be defending themselves from some evil thing or person.
Also, we observe that there ARE people who are morally superior to others. There are people who are more responsible, kinder, or more just than others. Some are wiser, more mature, or more experienced than others. To deny this is to reject all ethical and behavioral standards.
On the other hand, when people offend others, they must sometimes admit their offense in order to begin a process of moral and personal development. Rejecting all talk of victim-offender seems, in this case, counter-productive.
And so one potential danger here is that, by rejecting plain facts and by avoiding naming victim-offender relations, this may lead to lack of moral clarity and denial of personal responsibility. I understand that the role of the peacekeeper is to keep the peace, but at what cost?
The Talking Stick ceremony has helped many communities to heal from trauma, and this book provides a good, complete introduction to this wisdom tradition. I advise readers to engage the book critically, and to keep in mind that the task of peacemaking is not always easy.
September 22, 2024
lowkey biblical to me. wonderful deconstruction of punitive society and the new world to come. stars deducted for appropriation.
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February 23, 2018Review published in Library Journal: June 15, 2016.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews