The Life You've Always Wanted

by John Ortberg

This ECPA best-seller focuses on three primary what does true spiritual life really look like?; what hinders me from living such a life?; and what practices can help me pursue such a life?

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity, Faith, Spirituality, Religion

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

Reviews

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I could read this book every 6 months and learn something new from it. It is completely filled with all kinds of GREAT information on how to improve the joy-factor in your life. I have successfully weeded out several things from my calendar that were stealing the joy from the things that matter the most to me. I have also introduced several things into my daily habits that have improved the relationships that matter the most to me. I just finished this a couple weeks ago and I am already looking forward to reading it again!

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved John Ortberg's book "If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat", so I am really looking forward to this text on spiritual disciplines. I enjoy the insights he has as well as the way he relates a story, and so look forward to learning from this book.

Adding on to my previous thoughts now that I have finished reading this book - I do love John Ortberg. It took me longer than I would have liked to get through this book, but all in all it was a really good, thought-provoking read. He has a lot of great thoughts about spiritual disciplines and the little ways that we can live these disciplines out in our lives. He is very honest about his own shortcomings, but yet still seeks to drive the reader to the higher purpose of living our lives like we should if we really do believe what we say we believe. I will probably pick this book up again because I feel like I would probably have new insights into what he is saying (as I do with most books that I re-read...). Good book and highly recommended.

[Kelsey Bryant · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so full that I plan to reread it as a sort of devotional in the very near future to get as much out of it as I can. I like how the "spiritual disciplines" can provide practical training for you to become more like Christ. Such as how celebration makes you a more joyful person, which is a Christlike trait we don't always think about but is important for spreading His love. And then how solitude frees you from your hurriedness and reminds you the world doesn't revolve around you and your agenda; rather, you learn to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading and make yourself available to other people.

As a side-note, this book also has the perk of being fun to read. Convicting, yes, but also laugh-out-loud funny sometimes.

[Joanna Jennings · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great thoughts that challenged my walk with Christ. Don’t just try to be like Jesus, train to be like Him. Spiritual disciplines can easily slide into legalistic rule following, but with clear intention (Why am I doing this?) and limitations (Is this overly burdensome?), I’m interested in forming a rule of life— rhythms of solitude, prayer, meditation, celebration, and rest.

This was originally written in 1997, so his examples of our relationship with TV, though still applicable, could be replaced by our relationship with our iPhones.

This, perhaps why John Mark Comer wrote a similar book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. I liked this book by Ortberg so much better. Though they both quote several Catholics, the quotes in themselves are good (though what they don’t say is concerning— the pope’s list of disciplines says nothing about reading Scripture, only 15 minutes of spiritual literature 😳). However, Ortberg emphasizes Scripture, which seemed lacking in Comer’s book.

Ortberg is gracious and transparent. He is down to earth, making applications right where we live. If I am going to become like Jesus, then His presence must infiltrate every facet of my life. But the sobering reality is— do I even recognize my own pride, selfishness, lack of joy, hypocrisy, and distracted busyness??

Such an eye-opening book!!

[Alastair Singh-Mccollum · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another reviewer summed this book up beautifully by saying 'This book has the highest good content to bad title ratio I've ever experienced.' It's true - the title seems to suggest a dreadful, publisher chosen,self-help offering - but it isn't. This is a book about the ancient spiritual disciplines of the Christian tradition. It offers an examination of various spiritual practices that Christians have used to enhance their spiritual life and discipleship over many centuries. That said, many of these practises, including slowing, humility, generosity, forgiveness, celebration simply good ways to live, no matter what your faith! What Ortberg does is firmly, but in a light and easily digestible form, place these disciplines in the context of being a Christ follower, with a selection of quotes and stories and ideas from his extensive knowledge of Christian faith and history. Definitely one of my favourite 'popular' Christian books

[Noel (noelreads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was good, but didn’t really leave a lasting impression on me. I think part of that is Ortberg’s writing style. Something about it puts me off just a little bit. He says in the beginning that this book draws heavily on Dallas Willard’s book The Spirit of the Disciplines, and I think I probably would have enjoyed that one more.

But I don’t always read Christian nonfiction looking for some big personal revelation. I like reading this genre mainly as a way to spend more time thinking about and focusing on God, and this book helped me do that. It’s biblical, and has many bits of good advice. So it gets four stars. This is a book I may not actively recommend, but if you’re thinking of reading it I’d certainly encourage you to. But of the two Ortberg books I’ve read I would recommend The Me I Want to Be, as that book was a bit more eye opening for me.

[Cori · Rating 3 out of 5]

Following Jesus cannot be done at a sprint. If we want to follow someone, we can't go faster than the one who is leading.

One of the hardest things in the world is to stop being the prodigal son without turning into the elder brother.

This is my first time reading anything by John Ortberg, and it's safe to say I'll be reading more of his books. During the height of the COVID hysteria, when even churches were shuttering their physical doors, our church sent all its members a pack of books for Christmas, and this was one of them. Now we're back together and working through this book together, one chapter per week. I'm loving it.

Super practical. Insightful. And even has moments of understated, dry humor.

I'd rate this book a PG.

[Becky Marietta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had read this book before but enjoyed it even better the second time around. Ortberg is so good at outlining specific steps for a better Christian walk. His methods are simple yet Biblical, and his examples are pleasing and recognizable.

[Victoria · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had stayed away from this book for a long time because I had misjudged the title and assumed that this was a prosperity gospel book! Sorry, Ortberg, for getting you confused with Osteen, because I was totally wrong -- this is a book about spiritual disciplines written in a way that is very accessible, down-to-earth and practical. A lot of the principles overlap with those presented in Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline but in a style that may be less intimidating, with everyday examples that I think most people can relate to.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best dicipleship book out there!

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Ortberg's writing style is thoroughly engaging and I will be looking out for more works by him. Highly recommend!

[Claxton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about spiritual disciplines, or training:
"Respecting the distinction between training and merely trying
is the key to transformation in every aspect of life." -- Ortberg

"If you are weary of some sleepy form of devotion, probably
God is as weary of it as you are. " --FRANK LAUBACH

“Spirituality” wrongly understood or pursued is a major
source of human misery and rebellion against God. -- DALLAS WILLARD

Now, with God’s help, I shall become myself. -- SØREN KIERKEGAARD

(Just a few quotes that I liked & seemed to develop into major themes of the book.)

[Jason Kanz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great first book on spiritual disciplines. It's practical and relatable.

[Ben Goller · Rating 3 out of 5]

If this book were a motivational poster, the font would be Papyrus. But the quote would be rooted in Scripture and kind of thoughtful.

[Steven · Rating 5 out of 5]

An inspiring look into Spiritual disciplines based on a sound theology, that if applied, can support another stage of Christs life changing process

[Caitlyn Gaunce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a great one!! It took me a couple months to read but only because I intentionally went very slowly through it. Would recommend!!

[Maria Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book! It was easy to read and explored topics I wouldn’t normally associate with "spiritual disciplines." This book will be a helpful resource for anyone looking to be more intentional about arranging their life with the goal of experiencing spiritual transformation.

[Christen Tasevski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t judge the book by the cover & name. This is a great book on discipleship & living a spiritually healthy life.

[Cory Jew · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m so glad I read this book. Important to have a refresher and find new things through this classic that’s similar to Celebration of Discipline- R. Foster! So helpful to understand more about the disciplines and their heartfelt applications. Big recommend!

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave this book 5 stars for the lasting impact it had in my life. I had seen John Ortberg preach some years ago and bought several of his books. I had read some of the others, but did not read this until I found I was struggling with some of the issues he highlights so well here. I was debating making a major life change, one that would allow more time for God and others in my life, and this book was a perfect thing to read slowly and thoughtfully during that process. John's writing seems very light at times, but there is always so much in it that sticks with you or comes back later when you need it. I especially loved the chapter on the Dee Dah Day, related that story to multiple friends, and also kept asking myself the "Why?" question as well. Thanks to John's daughter, Mallory, who must be really sick of hearing about it, as it is just wonderful! Here are some quotes I liked:


"Reflecting on this afterward [the Dee Dah Day incident], I realized that I tend to divide my minutes into two categories: living, and waiting to live. Most of my life is spent in transit: trying to get somewhere, waiting to begin, driving someplace, standing in line, waiting for a meeting to end, trying to get a task completed, worrying about something bad that might happen, or being angry about something that did happen. These are all moments when I am not likely to be fully present, not to be aware of the voice and purpose of God. I am impatient. I am, almost literally, killing time. And that is just another way of saying I am killing myself."

"Ironically, often the thing that keeps me from experiencing joy is my preoccupation with self."

“The most serious sign of hurry sickness is a diminished capacity to love. Love and hurry are fundamentally incompatible. Love always takes time, and time is one thing hurried people don’t have.”

"At the deepest level, pride is the choice to exclude both God and other people from their rightful place in our hearts. Jesus said that the essence of spiritual life is to love God and to love people. Pride destroys our capacity to love. The greedy and the gluttonous may still be capable of at least a certain kind of love, but pride is a form of antilove. Pride moves us to exclude others instead of to embrace. Pride moves us to bow down before a mirror rather than before God. Pride moves us to judge rather than to serve. Pride means not only that we want to be smarter and wealthier than those around us. Pride is essentially comparative in nature."

"Here is the problem: When I try to do something good, I am intensely aware of it. And I tend to be aware of other people who aren’t putting forth the same effort. Then I tend to think they should: I start to compare my effort with their sloth. The result is pride, comparison, judgmentalism, and a lack of love…. One of the hardest things in the world is to stop being the prodigal son without turning into the elder brother."

In a section on Beyond Balance, which he calls a middle class pursuit
“The quest for balance lacks the notion that life is to be given to something bigger than ourselves. It lacks the call to sacrifice and self-denial – the wild, risky, costly, adventurous abandon of following Jesus. Ask hungry children in Somalia if they want to help you achieve balance, and you will discover that they were hoping for something more from you. And I believe that, deep down, you are probably hoping for something more from yourself.”

[Kessia Reyne · Rating 4 out of 5]

John Ortberg wrote The Life You’ve Always Wanted with a mind toward, as the subtitle tells, “ordinary people.” I suppose this means that he was not writing for the holy—or, perhaps more accurately, that he wrote for those that know they’re not holy. If this is you, The Life You’ve Always Wanted could the book you’ve always looked for. But a word of caution is in order.
Ortberg writes with a friendly voice, casual and familiar. And when he’s not reflecting on the words of some spiritual giant or pop culture icon, he writes as one friend confiding in another. At times you can easily forget that he’s also trying to instruct you. Yet this familiar voice doesn’t lend itself to a comfortable read. His transparency is what makes this book so uncomfortable to get through. In every chapter he recounts some experience that made me cringe—outwardly, physically grimace—with embarrassment.
Yet vulnerability to the point of embarrassment might well be the greatest single strength of Ortberg’s work here. His confessionalism is awkward and embarrassing and uncomfortable precisely because when he’s describing his inner life, riddled with subtle sins—self-satisfying service, self-deceptive impression management, self-righteous hurrying—I see there my own mixed up inner life. And if I hadn’t known it before, the awareness hits me full force: I’m a sinner. I suppose it’s back to Beginning Spirituality for me.
But hey—I’m a pastor. And this guy’s a pastor? Just look at all the ways he sins all the time, hidden there under the surface. And me? . . . How do we get away with this stuff? And like the final act of private humiliation, I’m brought to realize that my position of religious leadership offers me no immunity to spiritual dysfunction. I’m not just a sinner; I’m an ordinary sinner. John Ortberg writes for me.
Perusing the table of contents, it’s easy to pick out that he writes for the ordinary person. His spiritual disciplines include “the practice of celebration” and “the practice of slowing.” Those don’t seem very disciplinal. There are no chapters here on the disciplines of solitude or fasting or simplicity. There are no appendices on the practices of asceticism. I’m suspicious now, because probably the last thing that the Christian world needs is another book endorsing spirituality lite. But to go beyond the list of contents and actually read the chapters proves that this is no work designed to accommodate the spiritually lazy. If Ortberg’s personal confessions didn’t wake you to your own weaknesses, just try putting into practice some of his suggestions. They’re hard. Keeping quiet about my Scripture memorization? Making regular time to face my sin and dissect it before God? Standing in the longest line at the grocery store? Not for the faint of heart.
So if The Life You’ve Always Wanted is not for the faint of heart, nor for the perfect of heart, whom might it be for? You, if you long to be a trained disciple in the service of Jesus.

[Steven Rodriguez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ortberg’s book, The Life You’ve Always Wanted is a contemporary survey of the spiritual disciplines that followers of Christ should practice. At the outset of the book, Ortberg gives his resolution of the disciplines as, “The good news as Jesus preached it is that now it is possible for ordinary men and women to live in the presence and under the power of God.” As to the method we can live under the power of God, Ortberg borrows a somewhat dated cultural reference from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, “It’s morphing time!” The only real issue I have with this cultural reference is that as the believer practices the spiritual disciplines we do not transform into superheroes who can fight off forces of evil. The result of the true transformation is godliness as Paul cheered his spiritual son to “discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness.” Not to impress people with heroic acts or with attractive words but to live under the power of God. Ortberg later states that the transformation “is not a matter of trying harder, but training wisely.” Personally, this is the most impactful statement of his book because practice does not make a discipline perfect; practice makes discipline permanent. He further reflects that one cannot win a marathon by just trying it will take much training and discipline for this accomplishment.

If the purpose of the disciplines is godliness, then it could also be said that the path of disciplines is perseverance. A transformation will not happen without it. It is the gear that propels a distant runner through the pleasure stage of a marathon, past the costumes and pleasantries of the event. Pleasure will get us to the wall, but perseverance will prevent us from hitting the wall. A determination in life is a must, especially in the pursuit of godliness. This perseverance is not something we start our new birth with, as Paul told Timothy to pursue righteousness along with perseverance. Exercising the disciplines of celebration and secrecy is not something that comes naturally to us. We must be self-controlled and confident that God who began a good work within us, will continue until the job is finished. Perseverance is the human component that belongs to us, but the internal working of the disciplines and the results belong to God. It is my responsibility to celebrate and to choose joy, that is my work. It is my job to initiate and practice secrecy. It is the Lord who chisels away and the flesh and brings forth the reward. This chiseling transformation is one that I look forward to.

[Jonathan Franzone · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really did not like this book much at all. There were a couple of redeeming chapters, particularly the one about the discipline of celebration, taking time to celebrate God's blessings in our lives. Aside from those couple of bright spots, though, I found it to be extremely "seeker-sensitive" (whatever that means) and self-help oriented. When I think about spiritual disciplines, the first thing that comes to my mind is a proper intake of the Word of God, but Ortberg spends little time discussing this and only about halfway through the book.

Theologically, I had several problems with the book. Ortberg seems to operate under the assumption that God is just begging and waiting for people to respond to him. He even uses Moses and the burning bush to illustrate that, his point being that, just as Moses could have walked by and ignored God, we too can ignore God and just keep going about our lives our own way. I believe in a sovereign God and that it was always God's plan to uses Moses. He sprinkles this type of thinking throughout.

Finally, my biggest concern was the chapter on hearing from God. He seems to hold to the charismatic belief that we should try to train ourselves to hear the "still small voice" from God. I won't go into an argument against that. If you are charismatic, then you'll probably love the book. Regardless, he mentions at the very end of that particular chapter that there are dangers in attempting to hear God in this way... but then he just walks off and leaves the door wide open.

If you are truly looking for a book on spiritual disciplines, then I would highly recommend Donald S. Whitney's book, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life. I would liken Whitney's work to a fine cut gem, in the same way that Ortberg's would be a dirt clod.

[Anna Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book...until the last chapter. Quite honestly, the last chapter kind of ruined the book for me. As someone who has undergone unfathomable suffering in life and read extensively on suffering in the Christian life, I did not feel that Ortberg adequately touched on this very important subject. And for people like me, who are enduring trial after trial (and by trial I don’t mean sitting next to a chattering child on an airplane while trying to concentrate on writing), this was really upsetting to me. I also would have loved to hear him expand on the story of Abraham and Isaac. That story has troubled me my whole life, and increasingly so as I’ve endured more suffering in my own life. Yes, God shows up for Abraham. But what about Isaac? what about HIS suffering? How traumatized was Isaac by this close encounter? How changed was the relationship between father and son after “Daddy almost killed me”? Maybe this is all too deep for one chapter, which I can reassure my disappointment with. But in summary, I don’t feel that someone who considers an imperfect airplane seat assignment to be “suffering” should be writing about how to endure suffering.

[Joshua · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ortberg, in a simple manner, approaches the topic of spiritual formation; of actually changing while in discipleship to Jesus. He begins with an observation: in our evangelical churches growth and maturity is not always the norm - but that this is at odds with both scripture and the desires within us for our Christian walk.

He writes in a way that is accessible for the common person (by this I mean he writes as most modern writers do: with fluffy little stories and anecdotes) but weaves enough depth in to engage anyone seeking deeply for more nourishing water. He offers perspective on the purpose, but then also backs it up with how you might go about actually training for the spiritual life.

Highly recommended for anyone wanting to wade into a life focused on discipleship to Jesus, an - especially if 'Spiritual Formation' or 'Spiritual Disciplines' are intimidating terms right now.

[Steve Kingsbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my third reading of this book and I continue to benefit from the wisdom within it. In the evolving seasons of our life there are different messages that we are ready or able to "hear" and benefit from as a result. Hence the reason for my reading this book now in this new season of my life.

Appreciating the importance of self care is very important but often difficult to do during the busy periods of your life. Then when you are able to slow your pace and it is easier to take care of yourself it can be quite difficult to change established behavior patterns.

During this reading I was encouragingly reminded of the importance to our mental, spiritual and physical health of focusing on God and His unending love of us instead of trying to please the often fickle and generally demanding people around us. This sounds so simple and yet is often so difficult. The wise counsel in this book encourages you to refocus on what has always been present.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our church is using this book as a focus for Lent this year. Sermons and small-group discussion all focus around the chapters and themes.

Chapters 1-3 focus on Why, and How, we should "morph". I appreciate the focus on "training" instead of "trying" to become more like Christ.

Chapters 4-11 each cover a different spiritual discipline: celebrating, slowing down, praying, servanthood, confessing, guidance, secrecy, and scripture. They're a bit out of order in the separate "participant's guide" and in our study, and I'd like to know a bit more about how Ortberg picked those 8.

Chapters 12-13 focus on keeping up these disciplines in the long run.

I like the practical suggestions for how to foster, or "train" for these disciplines. Ortberg is realistic in his ideas. I wish more books on spiritual life were as accessible as his!

[Adam Jarvis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an enjoyable, easy-to-read, humorous book. I felt there was a lot in the book that could relate to. The author gently reminds the reader of spiritual growth in the Christian life, highlighting areas such as transformation, spiritual disciplines, prayer, servanthood, confession, meditation, and others.

The author expresses these aspects in a conversational tone, which made the book enjoyable to read, (or in my case, listen to) but it also almost gave it a sense at times of being “too lighthearted”.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and agreed with almost all the content. I would recommend this book to others for practical, daily life issues. However, I believe that there are definitely deeper, more serious life situations, in which this book would not be helpful, and could possibly even be damaging.
This is a very good generalized, every-day life kind of book.

[Solomon · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Really Liked It

Ortberg guides us through 10 Spiritual Practices in this book. He defines a spiritual practice as "any activity that can help me to gain power to live life as Jesus taught and modeled". This really can be ANY activity, not just those typically categorized as "spiritual". I particularly loved the introductory chapters and his perspective on training vs trying (Living like Jesus being like a marathon: we cannot merely try, we must train). My favorite practices that he covered were joy, slowness, prayer, listening for God, and meditation on Scripture. The only downside was that with so many practices being covered, it did seem to drag on at times. A great book overall and I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a new resource on spiritual practices that will help them train to be like Jesus.

[Lainey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm reading through this book again with a small group that I am leading, and every time I read this, it is such a sweet reminder of what discipline should really look like.

As an achieving go-getter, sometimes discipline can look more legalistic for me than out of love. John ortberg does a great job in explaining discipline and establishing a why behind it before going into them.

What I also love about his book, is that he explores disciplines that you don't really see in other books like Richard Foster's celebration of discipline. He explores things like secrecy, and humility and eliminating hurry as disciplines, which I really like.

Overall, I think this is a very inspiring book, that I like to read and reread from time to time. It's a great book to go alongside some of the other great discipline books that are out there.