Look at You Now: My Journey from Shame to Strength

by Liz Pryor

A vivid portrait of a secret teenage pregnancy, in 1979, that would change the author’s life forever. For readers of Orange is the New Black and Girl, Interrupted, this riveting memoir is about a girl finding strength in the most unlikely place.

In 1979, Liz Pryor—a girl from a good family in the ritzy Chicago suburbs—fell pregnant during senior year of high school. Her parents made what they thought to be the right decision: to keep the pregnancy a secret.

For six months, Liz lived in a dismal government facility for impoverished pregnant teenagers, hiding from everyone she knew. She was a fish out of water—a girl from privilege surrounded by girls from the foster system and juvie.

This is a story told through the eyes of a 17-year-old girl, with tenderness, humor, and an open heart: a story about unexpected friendships and the moments that shape us for the rest of our lives.

Rich with wisdom and insight, this is also a universal story about the weight and anguish of the mistakes we make—and how we ultimately rise above them.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Biography, Audiobook, Book Club, Adoption

272 pages, Hardcover

First published June 28, 2016

Reviews

[Alisi ☆ wants to read too many books ☆ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Erm, nope. I didn't like it. I was hoping for something ... more. It was just hokey all over. I have an incredibly hard time believing anything in this book besides, perhaps, the pregnancy and being sent to some center. It's just that, well, if you were to write up a list of cliches that would fit into a Hallmark movie, this book would have every single one of them.

I can't believe her mother was able to get to the facility in the first place. Ward that like aren't for every day people. She was sent to the equivalent of a locked down prison hospital ward. You can't just call places like that to get your kid in.

I'd be able to ignore that if it wasn't for everything else. Ah, let's see: 1) scared rich white girl surrounded by loudmouthed poor criminals, 2) being instantly liked and taken under wing, 3) having all the staff but one being honest to goodness great people who love her on sight, 4) her giving away food and clothing to the 'less fortunate', 5) teaching the less fortunate about life and love and other things every poor kid knows about (like how to make snow angels -- yes, apparently none of these poor girls knew how to take snow angels), 6) the constant reminders of just how great her life is, 7) how her clear and concise reasoning behind giving her baby up for adoption swayed the other girls (an idea that never struck any of them until Liz appeared -- despite where the girls were (infamous homes that put extreme pressure on the girls to give babies up) or the fact that they were in jail and wouldn't have the babies with them anyway.), 8) etc.

FFS, she even took over the "school" and taught and read and sang to the other girls. I'm surprised no one burst out in spontaneous ringing choruses of Kumbaya.

So maybe this all happened and this was her life. I appreciate that the situation was probably hard but I'm not certain it made the best material for a book. It just wasn't for me.

[Natalie]

I had an absolutely insane time with this book. Not because of the subject matter, which was shocking and wonderful enough itself, but because of all the coincidences. I just pulled this book off the shelf thinking it sounded interesting, with no idea where the book took place or anything about it.

It starts off saying it takes place in a suburb of Chicago, called Winnetka, which is where I grew up. That doesn't happen often.

Then she talks about surrounding areas I recognize, and that we went to the same high school. It's so funny to read because I can picture all these things and know this area so well.

The coincidences really started adding up by the end of the book. Her father has her going to college in Denver, which is where I went to school..

At the end of the book, I recognize some names, and realize that she's my friend's aunt - one of her twin sisters is my classmate's mom that I grew up with. I go on Facebook and sure enough, they've got pictures together. Holy cow!!! Truly a small world.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have about 1000 questions after reading this book-- about her parents and their marriage and divorce, about her relationship with them and her stepmother after this experience, about her siblings, friends and boyfriend, about her feelings about the child she gave up for adoption and how her sharing this story now may impact that now adult, about whether she knows what happened to any of the other girls and their children and Mrs. Graham and on and on. I was completely fascinated by the limited glimpse into an experience I cannot begin to fathom but wanted to know so much more about the lasting effects of such a challenging and unusual experience.

[Karen R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author Liz Prior was raised in a devout and wealthy Catholic family along with her six siblings. In 1979, at the age of 17, she becomes pregnant. Her recently divorced parents agree to send Liz away for 5 months to a home for unwed young pregnant women. The plan is that Liz stays until she has the baby, signs the adoption papers, and then makes it back to high school in time for graduation. Her mother will tell Liz’s siblings and anyone who asks that Liz is at the Mayo Clinic with the best doctors in the country and they are making her well. The ‘illness’ will never be exposed. Liz has to promise her mother than she will never speak a word of it, ever. To place such a burden on her shoulders, having to lie to everyone who meant anything to Liz, for the rest of her life had to be overwhelming.

Liz’s life at Gwendolyn House is what this memoir is about. There were such heartbreaking moments, like when I read Liz’s words “I’d been gone for months. I’d vanished, completely and until that moment, I hadn’t realized that no one – not a single person – had reached out to hear my voice. No one had written a letter or demanded some kind of contact." Her divorced parents barely came to see her.

Liz begins her life in this House pregnant, terrified and alone. But after she settles in, Liz sets a good example for other girls in the House and finds her strength. The other girls look up to her and by the time she leaves, she has made friends that she will never forget. She speaks fondly of them. Liz doesn’t mention it, but I wonder if she has seen any of them in the 37 years that have passed.

Liz praises her parents early in the book. About her mother, Liz says, “ Being loved by our mother was one of the most important things that would happen to any of us. No matter the other ways she fell short, she effectively taught seven people the single greatest thing life has to offer: She taught us how to love and how to be loved.” Her father was her rock. He never judged her. But Liz seems way too accepting of her parents’ behavior and their excuses to continuously be too busy to visit her. For example, on Easter, her mother fails to keep her commitment to visit Liz, and instead takes Liz’s twin sisters on vacation to the beach. They maintained their ‘business as usual’ so that their secret would not be revealed. Or maybe it was just easier to keep their head in the sand for 5 months until ‘things went back to “normal.”

In 2011, the year her mother died, Liz decided to tell her story. She doesn’t mention whether her dad is still alive. What a compelling story. The strength it must have taken to keep her experience a secret for so many years is admirable. It appears her strong faith helped her through.

[Chandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the overall message that you are not defined by events that happen in your life. However the title led me to think I would read more about after her major life event.

[Maryann · Rating 5 out of 5]

An outsider's look of what being part of the social services system was like in the 1970s. That Liz grew to love these girls so unlike her suburban self is a testimony to her gift of empathy.

[Mary Kenyon · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were just too many holes in this book. This might be explained by the fact that the author kept these secrets hidden from 1970 until 2011, and thus the book comes off like a 17-year-old writing it. Perhaps Pryor was emotionally *stuck* at that age. Some of the problems: if the author grew up with such a strong Catholic mother in a privileged household, would she really so freely use the *f* word. Now, maybe, but then? Yes, that language rings true with the girls who are transferred to this "unwed mother's home" but even then, the author over-uses it. She could easily get the point of the foul mouths she was surrounded by with half the swear words. Or less. And yes, she might pick up the language from the other girls, but I have a hard time believing that she entered the home using that kind of language herself.
Another problem; the father says it is too late for an abortion, and neither the mother or the author blink an eye that he would have thought that was the best option for his daughter? The mother, who is a staunch Catholic? Or is she really? Other than blasting out songs in church, her actions speak louder than her religious claims. She left her children alone while she walked and walked after her husband left her. For nearly two days? The family MOVED while the author was at a camp. The mother insists her daughter stay at this hideous place SO SHE CAN SEE her, and then she hardly visits. She turns a blind eye to the awful environment, and asks her daughter to keep her coat on to hide her stomach when she takes her out to eat. She insists her daughter LIE to everyone about where she was. And where was the concerned grandparents or college-aged siblings when they were informed she was "ill" and at Mayo. No one asked to visit? No one questioned this when she got home? A college-aged sibling? Grandparents? Is the reader expected to believe that NO ONE asked her questions? Let's just sweep everything under the rug and look the other way? Did they all know and play along with this ridiculous charade? And then; the author didn't ask if the baby was a boy or girl? The mother didn't even want to look at her grandchild? There is so much not said. Did Tilly ever track her down? Did her son or daughter? Did she keep in touch with the father as she was still calling him her boyfriend when she was in the home. What kind of mother or father would leave their daughter in a place like that, or not check it out beforehand? Why wouldn't the mother report how awful the doctor was, and why on earth would ANY pregnant woman need to be checked internally WEEKLY? I want to say there were very few characters I liked in this book, but since it is memoir, they aren't characters, they are real, live people, which is sad. Sad for the author. Sad for the reader who might never get answers to their questions. Unless Pryor decides to write "the rest of the story."

[Marika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Liz, a 17 year high school student is from a wealthy family and discovers that she's pregnant. Thus the secret begins. Her parents are adamant that no ONE know this secret, even her brother and sisters, and send her away to home for unwed mothers, but which is really a locked facility for delinquent and impoverished pregnant teenage girls. Liz has nothing in common with the other young girls but over time bonds with them, and realizes that not everything that she held true growing up privileged is necessarily true. The title comes from Liz keeping the secret for years until right before her mother died when she asked her how she would feel if I wrote my story, and she said, “You do what you want sweetheart- Look at you now”. Inspiring and moving memoir.



Note: I received a free review copy of this book and was not compensated for it.

[Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being a birth mother and having a similar experience, this book was especially meaningful. I wanted to throttle both her parents, and it is very sad that she was the truly fortunate one among these girls. My complaint is that it left me with too many burning questions.

[Rachel Beltzhoover · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read, well written, nothing life changing

[Debi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Random House generously sent me a free ARC of this book through a Goodreads Giveaway.

Look at You Now is a promising book with the type of story that people crave: a long-held secret about an unplanned pregnancy in a family desperate to maintain appearances and proceed with life as previously planned.

The manuscript, however promising, could have benefitted from some broadening and refocussing. There exists a potential for myriad additional angles. The author's parents and step-mother, boyfriend, and older siblings have been too protected by the author. Their enigmatic and enticing half-stories produce many questions and few answers. The aftermath of the five-month journey depicted in the book remains a disappointing mystery as well. I know that my remarks should not be based upon what I WISH the story contained, so I'll move on.

Confession of bias-- I am always suspicious of dialogue within the context of a memoir. If these lines were based upon diary entries, I'd like to know in advance. Certainly, dialogue serves to accelerate storytelling and characterization, yet the unsettling knowledge that the device is constructed rather than reported nags at me while I read. This book is plump with dialogue meant to reveal demographic information about the ward's population without the tinges of judgement that description might entail.

Is there a story here? Absolutely. Instead, though, readers are handed vignettes of the authors experience in a locked ward juxtaposed with frequent flashbacks to her younger years and family life. Apparently her mother's daughter, Pryor glosses over most problems with a seeming reluctance to mention them at all, which only serves to whet the reader's appetite.

In spite of my reaction, I'll place this book in my classroom library. Some girls may love this book.

2.5

[Robert Blumenthal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very readable memoir, with a really compelling story, lots of dialogue and lots of heartfelt emotion. Liz Prior, from a well-to-do family living in suburban Chicago, became pregnant in her senior year of high school. To spare the family any embarrassment she was sent off to a home for pregnant girls to have her baby. However, instead of a nice Catholic enclave, she was sent to a place where lower class runaways were sent, most of them from juvie, to have their babies. Fearful and depressed initially, she ends up developing some very deep relationships with fellow residents and some staff. There is an obvious cultural and socio-economic chasm between her and the other girls, yet she manages to form some very close relations with them.

This is sort of an Orange is the New Black type of situation, but I found this memoir to be much more interesting and was able to really feel the strength of the relationships she had with these strangers and could relate well to all that she learned from the experience. She ends up developing a place of great strength from it and relays in very effectively in this book. Her prose is not particularly poetic or memorable, but it is very compelling and very enjoyable. I literally flew through this memoir.

[Desiree · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book through a Goodreads giveaway. Loving memoirs, I had extremely high expectations...and Liz's story did not disappoint in the least. My heart breaks for the girls Liz met who never knew what a warm bed, full stomachs and parents to tuck them in felt like, but it melts knowing they had someone like her to learn from before they went back out into the world on their own. Liz had to do an unthinkable amount of growing up in a short time, and did so with compassion and love for those around her, never believing she was better than anyone, but trying to relate to lifestyles she didn't know had even existed. Not knowing where her baby is now, we can rest assured it was given the best life she could have offered, and he or she surely has some of their momma's strength inside, and is probably taking on the world one giant step at a time.

[PRINCESS · Rating 4 out of 5]

Liz Pryor is an author, speaker, parenting columnist and life advice expert. This book is about her pregnancy experience during her teenage years. She was born in a Catholic family. When she was 17, she discovered of her pregnancy and as a Catholic believer she could not go for abortion, therefore she had to keep her baby. Her mother took her to a faraway place and kept her there till the time of her delivery. An isolated place special for non-wed mothers make her feel lonely and frightened. All her new friends in that place were sharing same feelings. They did not had anyone to advice them for a better life or better choice, they were living by force. But she fought for her right and chose to keep her baby so she will bury the truth of her experience. That was her greatest strength…

[Kimberly · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

This is an interesting and somewhat heartbreaking memoir about a hidden teen pregnancy in the late '70s. I'm really curious what my reaction would have been if I had read this before I had my own children. After giving birth twice and experiencing those gorgeous moments immediately after, where you hold you baby and marvel at their tiny perfection, Liz's entire birth experience made me teary. What a sad thing to have missed out on. I hope that with her subsequent children (not a spoiler, not part of the story) she got to have those moments. It was fascinating to see the different mindset that she was in, even from the rest of the girls. This was very much an unwanted pregnancy for her, and she was so completely detached from the baby itself. We get almost zero details of her own pregnancy, mostly just commentary on how the other girls were faring.

A couple of things that bothered me:
1. her parents. Mostly her mother. Her stepmother seemed like an absolutely lovely human being. Her mother was an ice bitch and I could not stand her. Mixed feelings on the dad; at least he showed some semblance of a soul.
2. CONSTANTLY throughout the book, babies are referred to as being in "stomachs." Was this really the word that was used in the '70s? I don't think I have ever heard anyone say they have a baby in their stomach. Belly, womb, tummy, hell even uterus is preferable! Or just, "inside of me." But a stomach is an actual organ that a baby does NOT grow in, and honestly I wondered if some of the girls at the facility thought that the baby was in their actual stomach. Yes, I know this is nit-picky, but it drove me nuts.

Anyway! This is definitely worth reading. My cousins and I all read it together and I'm looking forward to discussing it with them.

[Nydia Chavez · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Well, you do whatever you want, sweetheart. Look at you now”
These were the words Dorothy Pryor said to her daughter Liz Pryor after she asked her if it was ok to publish a book about her “never told” story.
-
Look At You Know is a touching memoir of a teenager who at her senior year of High School gets pregnant. Liz, who came from a very rich and well stablished family is sent to a Catholic facility for unwed mothers till the baby was born. Her “secret” must not be told to anyone. Including her other brothers and sisters, family or friends. It was a promise Liz made to her parents. -
There, alone and scared, Liz finds courage to go through the process. -
•At the facility, Liz creates beautiful and meaningful bonds with the other teens there. Each one of them unique, with different characters and backgrounds.
•Liz found refuge in them; their love for each other helped ease her pain of not having her family with her.
Even though, Liz’s parents cared for her and “loved-her-to-death”, I found it very difficult to bare the idea of leaving her daughter at that place. I don’t know, I’m not a parent, but I don’t think I would’ve done that. -
•I won’t give away the end of the story. But I’ll totally recommend you read it. It’s easy to read, encouraging and touching. I enjoyed it very much. ❤️
-⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5
Quote:-
“You are not defined by what happens to you in life; you become who you are by how you choose to carry on. “
Liz Pryor

[Mel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was excited to win this book. The title led you to believe there was going to be a complete story as to what happened to young Liz. I was personally interested in this book since I was a teen mom my senior year of high school and kept and raised my child. This book is just all over the place in so many ways. I questioned how the mother got her into the facility so easily and why did she put her in a place for those who were on lockdown for a variety of reasons? How does a mother justify a huge lie for a lifetime? I am proud of Liz for her story and giving the baby up for adoption but so many scenes in the book were predictable and kinda outrageous, you have a hard time believing them. It seemed like she was being dramatic in a lot of areas and it got to me since I lived through similar story. I had a principle who tried to say I was bad role model being pregnant and married, the counselor forced us into group once a week when you would rather be anywhere else...teachers were hot or cold no inbetween. The principle tried to force me to go to the teen mother school here but I refused, I was going to graduate with my class and I did. The book leaves you hanging and wondering what happened to the baby, did she ever get to see it again? Did she ever talk talk to the father? How come no one questioned her almost six month disappearance? I just would have liked to see it come full circle with endings.I won this book in a goodreads giveaway thank you!

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I'm a sucker for fish-out-of-water stories, and Liz Pryor's definitely qualifies. Pregnant at seventeen, she is sent to a home for delinquent pregnant girls and told by her parents that she must keep her "condition" a secret. Pryor has never really met or had reason to consider what life might be like outside her insular middle- to upper-class bubble, but the girls in the facility have a profound effect on her, just as she does on them.

My only qualm was the frequency with which she switched between calling her mother "Dorothy" or just her mother, and her father "Lee," as it seemed sort of odd as the book was told more from her teenage perspective, when she likely wouldn't have called them by their first names.

Definitely a fascinating story.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this autobiography that is read by the author. There are really no surprises in her life as the story unfolds very early in the book and everything turns out as you would expect it to yet I still kept listening every chance I had. One challenge I had with the book was the level of detail she recalled from 37 years ago. For that reason it read very much like a novel. The author does a great job as the reader which I think added to my enjoyment while listening.

The labor scenes are really challenging to read/listen to - I'm not sure if we should recommend this book to young woman as a deterrent to sex or make sure they never read it to ensure they will want to give birth one day in their future!!

[Cari Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I normally wouldn’t continue to read a book with as much language as this contained. However, context is everything and I recognize Pryor was creating context with her honest conveyance of her story and those within it. With that said, I cried through this book, beginning to end. I felt such a connection to her story and yet was repeatedly in disbelief over so many of the aspects. I truly respect her perspective and applaud her for her attitude toward her parents which could’ve rightly been very different.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir set in the late 1970's about the author's senior year of high school. She learns she is pregnant and her parents take her from her privileged suburban Chicago home to a deprived home for impoverished or detained pregnant teens. I really liked how the author presents her fellow "inmates" with dignity and curiosity. She is remarkably forgiving toward her mother and father. A gentle memoir that would be a good choice for today's teens.

[Sarah Burns · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this for Holly Furtick's book club. Maybe I just read Me Before You by Jojo Moyes and loved it so much that this was kind of a downer for me. Her story is unbelievable and crazy that its even true. I don't know how you hold on to a secret like that which is admirable! Can't wait to here her speak - I just didn't connect with it that much and I'm not much of a nonfiction reader.

[Alyssa DeLeon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really heart breaking and raw. This true story follows a teenage girl through her pregnancy and the harsh environment she has to survive in. I really appreciated how the book strongly emphasized just how precious a baby is, no matter how you find yourself pregnant.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quotes
There were so many levels of awful to all of this.
I wished I could put a roadblock up at the front entrance of my mind to stop all the new things coming in that were too hard. That I didn't want to know.
But I also might tell my 17 year old self that you are not defined by what happens to you in your life; you become Who You Are by how you choose to carry on. And it may have helped to hear, back then, that the toughest times in life do not happen without the gain of something truly valuable - even if it takes decades to find.

[Joi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. Much more than I expected.

[Mary-alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a partial memoir about a particular time in the author's life. As a young, pregnant teenage she is banished to a home for unwed mothers to deliver her baby and give it up for adoption. What her mother doesn't tell her is that the other residents are either wards of the state or have had such rough lives that they feel lucky to be there. Meanwhile Liz can't eat the food and is shocked by the facility and its lack of adequate schooling. Liz learns a lot of life, hers and those of others that normally she might not encounter, during her stay.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Look at You Now: My Journey from Shame to Strength by Liz Pryor is a very personal, always honest, sometimes eye-opening, and often heartbreaking coming of age story. Liz finds herself unexpectedly pregnant at 17, a senior in high-school from a good (and wealthy) family who wants only to hide her away so no one knows what has happened. Her parents fear her life will be "ruined" should the public know she bore a child out of wedlock and as a result, they make arrangements for her to stay at a government run facility for pregnant teens who are socially and educationally challenged from poor backgrounds along with juvenile-delinquents housed in a separate block. No one is to know her last name or her story - her six siblings and other family members are not even told what happened or where she is.

Liz is a devoted daughter, and is mortified to find herself pregnant, and shocked to be taken away from her family at her parents' doing only days after she learns the news. She feels abandoned at a time when she needs them most. Placed in an environment with people who are totally different from any she has encountered before, Liz is totally overwhelmed. In time, she begins to make contact with the other girls as they reach out to her and a whole new world is exposed to her that she finds hard to fathom, just as they are in awe of her life and world.

It is amazing to see how this young girl grows into understanding of her situation, and begins to challenge her prior beliefs and convictions. She speaks with wisdom beyond her years. As an adult, she hates continuing to hide this important and life-changing experience until she approaches her mother about writing her story. Once her mother gives her blessing, this excellent memoir comes to be.

You never had anything to be ashamed of, Liz. You were a young, naïve girl who became pregnant. It wasn't the end of the world, and I'm sorry that your parents made you feel that it was, and weren't there to support you in your time of greatest need. You are a strong, compassionate woman. Please be proud of yourself!!

Thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing for allowing me to read an advance e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest opinion.

[Dee Mills · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book held my attention throughout, even when I wanted to stop reading it.

I thought it was well-written and interesting. The facility tales reminded me just a bit of Orange is the New Black.

SPOILER:

My reservation is about the ending. She was determined to give the baby up for adoption, which she did. What bothered me was that she never expressed much concern about the baby. She was relieved that it was over; she said that she felt no depression. As far as I could determine, she never asked or found out the sex of the baby. And her afterword in the book was about the secret she had kept for 35 years; never any wondering about the baby she had had.

That didn't set well with me; it didn't feel real to me. I understand and respect the decision to give your baby up for adoption. But surely there are deep feelings of loss and continuing feelings of concern for this child. None were expressed here except for her rather cryptic, and touching, search for the smallest speck of a star in the sky and her saying "I see you."

[Renee Gearhart levy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was interested in reading this book because the author and I are the exact same age--graduated from high school the same year--and I'm very familiar with the area where she's from. Even more so, I have an older sister who had endured a similar experience 10 years earlier, something kept secret from me for years, so I was interested to read about the author's experience. I listened to the first half as an audio book, which is read by the author, and finished reading it myself. I like it when author's read their own work, because you know whatever emphasis they are placing is what was intended. While I wouldn't say the writing itself was anything special, this is a good story. The only problem was that the author didn't provide enough of the "after" story. I had so many questions that were unanswered, especially in term of how the experience impacted her life moving forward. So while I enjoyed reading the book, it inevitably left me unsatisfied with too many unanswered questions.

[Wendy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried.
I tried to like this book, this story.

Her story doesn't smack me with realism.

She never questioned the rationality of the decision that she be sequestered in a juvenile "home for wayward girls" under the guise of "being ill", to await the delivery of a child she was ordered by her parents to give up for adoption?

Seriously?


She gave up a child and NEVER WONDERED ABOUT IT? Never had any counseling to deal with all of this trauma? Because being pregnant and having a baby at 17 is a traumatic experience, and it seems given her own particular situation more traumatic than most.

Really?

I don't know, there are just way to many sketchy scenarios in this story that make it appear very far fetched.

When I saw a recommendation of this story I wanted to read it immediately because I too, was pregnant and had a baby in the early 80's at the age of 17.
( I kept my child )

Oh well.