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Lord Willing?: Wrestling with God's Role in My Child's Death
Does God's perfect plan really include this?
When her young son was diagnosed with brain cancer, Jessica Kelley couldn't stomach Christian clichés. God's will? Divine design? The Lord's perfect plan? In Lord Willing?, Kelley boldly tackles one of the most difficult questions of the Christian life: if God is all-powerful and all-loving, why do we suffer? For Kelley, this question takes an even more painful and personal turn: did God lack the power or the desire to spare her four-year-old son?
For those dissatisfied with easy answers to why evil and tragedy occur, Lord Willing? offers a refreshing, hopeful journey straight to the heart of God. Be prepared for something more beautiful, more pure, and more healing that you can dare to imagine.
When her young son was diagnosed with brain cancer, Jessica Kelley couldn't stomach Christian clichés. God's will? Divine design? The Lord's perfect plan? In Lord Willing?, Kelley boldly tackles one of the most difficult questions of the Christian life: if God is all-powerful and all-loving, why do we suffer? For Kelley, this question takes an even more painful and personal turn: did God lack the power or the desire to spare her four-year-old son?
For those dissatisfied with easy answers to why evil and tragedy occur, Lord Willing? offers a refreshing, hopeful journey straight to the heart of God. Be prepared for something more beautiful, more pure, and more healing that you can dare to imagine.
256 pages, Paperback
Published April 26, 2016
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258 people want to read
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May 2, 2020
This is a hard book to read and to review.
I chose it because for a long time, there were certain things I was intellectually willing to ignore to be part of a church community. I've never taken the whole Bible literally, but have appreciated it as a story that carries truth. It was not so important to me which parts of it were literally true and which were not.
I didn't really believe that everything was part of God's plan or that God caused bad things to happen to people, but I guess some part of me did believe that since God worked for people's good, that somehow he must be able to bring good out of bad things. Part of me wondered if that meant that God uses bad things to teach us something or to refine us, and whether that meant that he allowed those bad things on purpose.
There was also a lot of pain for me in the idea that God has a specific purpose for our lives, and that it's kind of up to us to figure out what that is (and if we don't figure it out, maybe we're not being close enough to God, praying enough, listening enough). I'm already a neurotic perfectionist, so the burden of trying to figure out what God wants me to do without receiving some mysterious explicit instructions was at times paralyzing.
The author of this book was similarly a perfectionist, but she found some explanation of all of this when she encountered some material that separated out the differences between what some theologians call the "blueprint view" of our world and the "warfare view."
It sounds like this may come from the work of Gregory Boyd. I read his book a long time ago, Repenting of Religion: Turning from Judgment to the Love of God and I remember liking it, though I don't remember the details. Kelley references his book Is God to Blame?: Beyond Pat Answers to the Problem of Suffering, which I have added to my reading list.
Anyway, before the great tragedy that Kelley experienced, she had already discarded the blueprint view of God and settled into the warfare view, which ultimately saved her faith.
Essentially, the blueprint view is that everything is ruled by God's plan. God has a specific plan for everyone and he even allows evil to happen in service to that plan. He uses the terrible things that happen to us to refine us and make us more spiritually mature. We are supposed to accept these bad things stoically, because if God allowed them, then it must have been his divine will.
The warfare view, on the other hand, is that God set the world into motion, but he included free will in the deal and the ability for this world to reject his love. Whether you believe this in a literal sense, like that the story in the book of Genesis is to be taken literally or not, doesn't really matter. The fallout is that the world is marred by death and suffering, a lot of it caused by forces of evil acting upon humans, whether through direct actions that reject God's love, or through suffering that comes out of the imperfect state of this world. When the force of God’s love meets the forces of evil on this stage, sometimes God’s love does not win.
Kelley's 4-year-old son developed an incurable brain tumor, and she watched and suffered as he eventually died. Much of the book details her experience with this.
The rest of the book seeks to answer questions about the warfare view and how it helped Kelley deal with her grief and maintain her faith in the aftermath of her son’s death.
I appreciated this book so much in that Kelley holds out a glimmer of hope for me that I can make some sense out of faith again.
Because it’s all well and good to sit in church and let the theological things that don’t make sense roll over you when your life is going okay. To hear about God’s plan and how God is in control and be like, “Sure, that’s fine; maybe I’ll figure out his plan for me eventually, and in the meantime keep torturing myself about whether I’m living it enough or not.”
But it’s another thing entirely when the rug is completely pulled out from under you like it was for Kelley. Like it was for me.
What do you do with “God’s plan” when you watch your Grandma slowly asphyxiating to death on her own lung fluid and her pastor says at her memorial, to all of the nice comments about her, “Now remember, she was *only good* because of Jesus.”
What do you do with God’s plan when your uncle has had enough of chronic nerve pain and locks himself in a shed with a gun while his family is at church?
What do you do with God’s plan when you watch your close friend dying of cancer, and at first she’ll accept only quack treatments because she’s convinced that God will heal her, but by the end she is praying for a quick death?
And what do you do with God’s plan when you are hemorrhaging into a Walmart toilet, begging Jesus to protect your unborn baby, but less than one month later, that baby is dead?
All of that happened in my life within the past five years.
Now, I am pregnant again and my baby is almost due—but being pregnant again has caused me to struggle more, not less, with my faith.
After I lost my first baby, I held onto hope with bloody fingernails that there could still be something good for me in store. Yet when I got pregnant again, I didn’t feel like thanking God. The thought that my previous experience could have been meant to refine me or teach me something made me want to vomit (and not just because of the pregnancy). The gift of a new baby could not make up for the fact that when I cried out in prayer for him to protect my first one, nothing happened.
Like Kelley, even the “weak” form of the blueprint worldview, in which God passively allows evil because he knows good can come of it, felt so wrong to me. That God is either a divine abuser or a maliciously passive bystander didn’t work. Essentially, I thought, “If this is God’s plan, then God’s plan sucks. I would rather not believe in God at all than believe in a God that abuses people in order to somehow make them ‘better.’”
Fortunately, Kelley’s explanation of the warfare worldview provides some hope for my faith that makes sense. It still leaves one with the question of how evil could win against God in a situation if God is omnipotent—isn’t that just another way of saying that God allows it to win or allows the bad thing to happen?
I think there is a difference, though, between saying that God allowed a specific evil thing to happen and that he allowed the possibility of evil, or the opposite of love, in this world from the beginning.
Each of these worldviews appeals to the mystery of unanswerable questions to some extent, but I find the mystery of the warfare worldview to be more satisfying.
The blueprint worldview causes us to ask, “Why did God allow this specific thing to happen?”, and perhaps the most acceptable answer to that is, “God’s ways are not our ways,” i.e. the complex web of good that God is trying to bring about is too much for the human mind to handle and we just have to have faith that he is steering the ship towards good.
Instead, in the warfare worldview, we have to ask, “If God is all-powerful, how could evil win against God in this circumstance?”, and the answer has to be, “The free will that God allows in this world somehow set these circumstances into motion.”
I find the latter to be a lot more satisfying than the former.
For an example, although I know it’s not likely, say something that contributed to my baby’s death was the smoke I inhaled during summer forest fires, which was caused by human mis-handling of our natural resources due to selfish human choices (ultimately caused by evil working on human free will). Or that the hemorrhaging that led to her death happened because when her placenta was forming vital connections between itself and the wall of my uterus, something just didn’t happen the way it was supposed to (because God allowed for the possibility that our world might function imperfectly when he built it, which perhaps opened the possibility for evil to influence that situation or take advantage of it). Essentially, this means accepting that there is no ultimate “reason” for my suffering—a huge relief.
Those are just some random thoughts, but I find them a lot more acceptable than the idea that it was God’s specific will or plan that my baby die so that he could bring something good from it or refine my character spiritually. If anything, I still believe that God brings about good despite evil—not by planning it or allowing it in specific circumstances.
Some people don’t care about this difference, but it’s become personal enough to me that when I hear things in church that echo the blueprint worldview, it’s mentally and emotionally painful for me.
This has caused me to pull away from church, which has been painful in itself.
I’m still hoping to find a community that doesn’t push these destructive views of God, but the idea that “God is in control” of everything is so pervasive in mainstream Christian culture that I’m not sure I will find much success.
Meanwhile, I’ll be pretty busy learning to become a parent anyway, but at least now after reading this book I can stop fighting terrible worldviews in my head for a while. Instead, I can mull over this idea that God is love—simple—and that despite the awful things that can happen in this life, the story of Jesus gives me confidence that evil does not ultimately win, in fact, that the only real “plan” God has ever had was to redeem the suffering of this world by demonstrating sacrificial love.
I chose it because for a long time, there were certain things I was intellectually willing to ignore to be part of a church community. I've never taken the whole Bible literally, but have appreciated it as a story that carries truth. It was not so important to me which parts of it were literally true and which were not.
I didn't really believe that everything was part of God's plan or that God caused bad things to happen to people, but I guess some part of me did believe that since God worked for people's good, that somehow he must be able to bring good out of bad things. Part of me wondered if that meant that God uses bad things to teach us something or to refine us, and whether that meant that he allowed those bad things on purpose.
There was also a lot of pain for me in the idea that God has a specific purpose for our lives, and that it's kind of up to us to figure out what that is (and if we don't figure it out, maybe we're not being close enough to God, praying enough, listening enough). I'm already a neurotic perfectionist, so the burden of trying to figure out what God wants me to do without receiving some mysterious explicit instructions was at times paralyzing.
The author of this book was similarly a perfectionist, but she found some explanation of all of this when she encountered some material that separated out the differences between what some theologians call the "blueprint view" of our world and the "warfare view."
It sounds like this may come from the work of Gregory Boyd. I read his book a long time ago, Repenting of Religion: Turning from Judgment to the Love of God and I remember liking it, though I don't remember the details. Kelley references his book Is God to Blame?: Beyond Pat Answers to the Problem of Suffering, which I have added to my reading list.
Anyway, before the great tragedy that Kelley experienced, she had already discarded the blueprint view of God and settled into the warfare view, which ultimately saved her faith.
Essentially, the blueprint view is that everything is ruled by God's plan. God has a specific plan for everyone and he even allows evil to happen in service to that plan. He uses the terrible things that happen to us to refine us and make us more spiritually mature. We are supposed to accept these bad things stoically, because if God allowed them, then it must have been his divine will.
The warfare view, on the other hand, is that God set the world into motion, but he included free will in the deal and the ability for this world to reject his love. Whether you believe this in a literal sense, like that the story in the book of Genesis is to be taken literally or not, doesn't really matter. The fallout is that the world is marred by death and suffering, a lot of it caused by forces of evil acting upon humans, whether through direct actions that reject God's love, or through suffering that comes out of the imperfect state of this world. When the force of God’s love meets the forces of evil on this stage, sometimes God’s love does not win.
Kelley's 4-year-old son developed an incurable brain tumor, and she watched and suffered as he eventually died. Much of the book details her experience with this.
The rest of the book seeks to answer questions about the warfare view and how it helped Kelley deal with her grief and maintain her faith in the aftermath of her son’s death.
I appreciated this book so much in that Kelley holds out a glimmer of hope for me that I can make some sense out of faith again.
Because it’s all well and good to sit in church and let the theological things that don’t make sense roll over you when your life is going okay. To hear about God’s plan and how God is in control and be like, “Sure, that’s fine; maybe I’ll figure out his plan for me eventually, and in the meantime keep torturing myself about whether I’m living it enough or not.”
But it’s another thing entirely when the rug is completely pulled out from under you like it was for Kelley. Like it was for me.
What do you do with “God’s plan” when you watch your Grandma slowly asphyxiating to death on her own lung fluid and her pastor says at her memorial, to all of the nice comments about her, “Now remember, she was *only good* because of Jesus.”
What do you do with God’s plan when your uncle has had enough of chronic nerve pain and locks himself in a shed with a gun while his family is at church?
What do you do with God’s plan when you watch your close friend dying of cancer, and at first she’ll accept only quack treatments because she’s convinced that God will heal her, but by the end she is praying for a quick death?
And what do you do with God’s plan when you are hemorrhaging into a Walmart toilet, begging Jesus to protect your unborn baby, but less than one month later, that baby is dead?
All of that happened in my life within the past five years.
Now, I am pregnant again and my baby is almost due—but being pregnant again has caused me to struggle more, not less, with my faith.
After I lost my first baby, I held onto hope with bloody fingernails that there could still be something good for me in store. Yet when I got pregnant again, I didn’t feel like thanking God. The thought that my previous experience could have been meant to refine me or teach me something made me want to vomit (and not just because of the pregnancy). The gift of a new baby could not make up for the fact that when I cried out in prayer for him to protect my first one, nothing happened.
Like Kelley, even the “weak” form of the blueprint worldview, in which God passively allows evil because he knows good can come of it, felt so wrong to me. That God is either a divine abuser or a maliciously passive bystander didn’t work. Essentially, I thought, “If this is God’s plan, then God’s plan sucks. I would rather not believe in God at all than believe in a God that abuses people in order to somehow make them ‘better.’”
Fortunately, Kelley’s explanation of the warfare worldview provides some hope for my faith that makes sense. It still leaves one with the question of how evil could win against God in a situation if God is omnipotent—isn’t that just another way of saying that God allows it to win or allows the bad thing to happen?
I think there is a difference, though, between saying that God allowed a specific evil thing to happen and that he allowed the possibility of evil, or the opposite of love, in this world from the beginning.
Each of these worldviews appeals to the mystery of unanswerable questions to some extent, but I find the mystery of the warfare worldview to be more satisfying.
The blueprint worldview causes us to ask, “Why did God allow this specific thing to happen?”, and perhaps the most acceptable answer to that is, “God’s ways are not our ways,” i.e. the complex web of good that God is trying to bring about is too much for the human mind to handle and we just have to have faith that he is steering the ship towards good.
Instead, in the warfare worldview, we have to ask, “If God is all-powerful, how could evil win against God in this circumstance?”, and the answer has to be, “The free will that God allows in this world somehow set these circumstances into motion.”
I find the latter to be a lot more satisfying than the former.
For an example, although I know it’s not likely, say something that contributed to my baby’s death was the smoke I inhaled during summer forest fires, which was caused by human mis-handling of our natural resources due to selfish human choices (ultimately caused by evil working on human free will). Or that the hemorrhaging that led to her death happened because when her placenta was forming vital connections between itself and the wall of my uterus, something just didn’t happen the way it was supposed to (because God allowed for the possibility that our world might function imperfectly when he built it, which perhaps opened the possibility for evil to influence that situation or take advantage of it). Essentially, this means accepting that there is no ultimate “reason” for my suffering—a huge relief.
Those are just some random thoughts, but I find them a lot more acceptable than the idea that it was God’s specific will or plan that my baby die so that he could bring something good from it or refine my character spiritually. If anything, I still believe that God brings about good despite evil—not by planning it or allowing it in specific circumstances.
Some people don’t care about this difference, but it’s become personal enough to me that when I hear things in church that echo the blueprint worldview, it’s mentally and emotionally painful for me.
This has caused me to pull away from church, which has been painful in itself.
I’m still hoping to find a community that doesn’t push these destructive views of God, but the idea that “God is in control” of everything is so pervasive in mainstream Christian culture that I’m not sure I will find much success.
Meanwhile, I’ll be pretty busy learning to become a parent anyway, but at least now after reading this book I can stop fighting terrible worldviews in my head for a while. Instead, I can mull over this idea that God is love—simple—and that despite the awful things that can happen in this life, the story of Jesus gives me confidence that evil does not ultimately win, in fact, that the only real “plan” God has ever had was to redeem the suffering of this world by demonstrating sacrificial love.
April 3, 2016
Honestly, this is book is very complex to review since there is a lot to consider.
First of all, I find the retelling of Henry's death very moving. I can see it was a heartbreaking experience and somehow this mom made me part of the good, the bad and the ugly.
I can't begin to imagine all the suffering this young family had to face, and yet they've decided to use it for a greater good, which is really inspiring.
This book also showed me it is important to judge all sermons in the light of the Word, no matter who the speaker is. Nothing should be accepted just because is popular. That's very good.
The author mentions some famous teachers and even though I don't like when people say full names, I understand her motive.
Throughout the book, I could see some key questions about the role of God in suffering. I mean, the problem of pain is clearly developed.
I definitely agree with the point that God's will is not the only one accomplishing purposes on Earth, there are things the Lord doesn't want to happen but they do; and I admit He loses sometimes because He's chosen freedom for us in this world.
However, I do believe in mystery. I think I'm on the weak side of the so-called blueprint worldview.
Now, I admit this: this book showed me there was a lot preparation and studying behind the final product. It amazed me that it answered all my objections, some of them right after I thought them. It looks like everything is covered.
Yet, in my opinion, it was like the author was seeking the scripture with an end in mind. She was trying to find answers that set her mind at peace. So, if a passage clearly says something she doesn't agree with, she changes versions, goes to the Greek or whatever to find an explanation that goes with her vision of God. I'm not judging her for that, I've been there, more than once, and it's hard not to do it; but it isn't the right way to approach the Bible.
More than that, this book looks like THE final and correct answer for this subject, I mean, it actually invites you to wrestle with this issue but with confidence that you will end up with the viewpoint it teaches. I don't think it's that easy.
God, suffering and humanity are not simple at all. Every person is a story and each experience, unique. The Lord has plans and ways we don't understand and I do believe that's the point in the book of Job.
Nevertheless, as a reader, I can say this book was very well-done, even though there are things I don't agree with.
**I received a copy of this book from Herald Press through NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own**
First of all, I find the retelling of Henry's death very moving. I can see it was a heartbreaking experience and somehow this mom made me part of the good, the bad and the ugly.
I can't begin to imagine all the suffering this young family had to face, and yet they've decided to use it for a greater good, which is really inspiring.
This book also showed me it is important to judge all sermons in the light of the Word, no matter who the speaker is. Nothing should be accepted just because is popular. That's very good.
The author mentions some famous teachers and even though I don't like when people say full names, I understand her motive.
Throughout the book, I could see some key questions about the role of God in suffering. I mean, the problem of pain is clearly developed.
I definitely agree with the point that God's will is not the only one accomplishing purposes on Earth, there are things the Lord doesn't want to happen but they do; and I admit He loses sometimes because He's chosen freedom for us in this world.
However, I do believe in mystery. I think I'm on the weak side of the so-called blueprint worldview.
Now, I admit this: this book showed me there was a lot preparation and studying behind the final product. It amazed me that it answered all my objections, some of them right after I thought them. It looks like everything is covered.
Yet, in my opinion, it was like the author was seeking the scripture with an end in mind. She was trying to find answers that set her mind at peace. So, if a passage clearly says something she doesn't agree with, she changes versions, goes to the Greek or whatever to find an explanation that goes with her vision of God. I'm not judging her for that, I've been there, more than once, and it's hard not to do it; but it isn't the right way to approach the Bible.
More than that, this book looks like THE final and correct answer for this subject, I mean, it actually invites you to wrestle with this issue but with confidence that you will end up with the viewpoint it teaches. I don't think it's that easy.
God, suffering and humanity are not simple at all. Every person is a story and each experience, unique. The Lord has plans and ways we don't understand and I do believe that's the point in the book of Job.
Nevertheless, as a reader, I can say this book was very well-done, even though there are things I don't agree with.
**I received a copy of this book from Herald Press through NetGalley in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed are my own**
April 19, 2016
A little less than four years ago, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. Almost 9 years ago now, my mother fell ill around mother's day with sudden onset acute pancreatitis and died 6 weeks later. Both of those situations were bathed in prayer, where we sought God's plan and purpose, and where we hoped for a miracle. However, my wife still had to face chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery... and my mother still died. And, for me, "It's all God's plan" just didn't feel like the right answer. God didn't cause my mother to be ill nor did he cause my wife's cancer. And I just never felt comfortable with him standing aside, withholding help, while my mother faded into a coma and my wife faced pain, discomfort, and a radical change in her life, all for some mysterious good purpose. Why would the God I worship, revealed perfectly in Jesus who gave up his life rather than see a world suffer, in these two circumstances decide, "This time, I'll allow the suffering."
I don't claim to know the answer. God is too big for me to figure out. But Jessica Kelly, in her book "Lord Willing?" presents a different model, a different worldview than one that demands that my God somehow, even though we are told there is no darkness in him, allows bad stuff to happen. And Jessica is qualified to tell this story. She faced her own trauma in the tragic death of her four-year-old son who died from a massive and untreatable brain tumor. Her question was, "God allowed my son to endure horrendous torment and torture to teach me a lesson?" and the answer of "It's all in his plan" fell flat for her, too.
Before I get to her answer, I want to point out something. The first two-thirds of her book read more like a memoir than a theological discussion. In part one she gives testimony of her journey from a young age into motherhood, wrestling with what she terms the "blueprint worldview" of God and how it morphed and changed through her life as it just didn't always seem to fit. It is a story that, while I didn't follow it in my own life, the questions she asks are like mine. We are taught that God is good, intrinsically good, and so good that there is no darkness in him. We are taught that God's absolute essence is love. At the root of everything God does, there is love. And it is a love that we have revealed to us through Jesus to be a love so self-less, so sacrificial that God himself would rather suffer the torment of the cross than allow anyone else to suffer. And we are taught that this revelation is the clearest, most perfect, most complete revelation of God. If this is the case... how does that fit with a God who either causes pain and suffering as part of a perfect plan or allows pain and suffering as part of that plan? The answer: it doesn't. But what does?
At this point, Jessica goes into the heartwrenching story of her experience with her son. I cannot give justice to the outpouring of emotion in her story so I will not attempt it. You need to read it for yourself. But this is more than just a story to tug at your heartstrings. This is Jessica's credentials. She is basically laying it out there for the reader to see that she's coming at this question of "Why do bad things happen?" not as some sort of academic exercise but because she has a monstrously huge stake in the answer. The answer is vital to her to understand what happened to her son. If she was just someone who has experienced only the ordinary pains of normal life, I don't think she would have any place to attempt to answer the question the way she has. If anyone has the write to delve in and approach this question, she does as does any other person out there who has gone through such trauma.
Now, along with that, she is generous and compassionate in her assertions. And this goes a long way to making this not just a good book but a great one. The way she states it is that it is the victim who owns the theology, not the bystander. So, if there is someone who has found immense hope, immense victory and triumph through the blue-print worldview, this book is not for them. But if they wrestle as Jessica has wrestled (as I have wrestled), then she points out that it is at least worth considering a different way of looking at things. And what way is that?
This: that we live in a warzone. This world is in the midst of a cosmic struggle between God and other forces and wills in the world. Folks may question whether this discounts God's sovereignty and I believe Jessica gives an excellent answer. God is still sovereign. He still rules and reigns over the universe. But just as any sovereign, he's not a micro manager. He doesn't control and manipulate everyone all the time. There are other wills at work in this world, some as mundane as a human being making a choice, some a bit more esoteric such as the laws of nature acting in response to events, and some sinister, the "powers of the air" and "princes of darkness". Are they greater than God? Greater than his will? No. He is still sovereign and what he wants out of this universe WILL still happen. But, in the meantime, there is a war going on and, in a war, bad stuff happens.
But why doesn't God just step in and keep the bad stuff from happening? Again, the answer is love and Jessica very clearly points this out. Love, true love, comes from the will to love. God made a great risk in this universe when he created it with the potential for those other wills, those other free agents in the universe, to act against his will. But the risk was necessary. Without that risk of free will, true love cannot happen. Jessica's analogy of the doll who can be programmed to say "I love you" is similar to the "robot" analogy that we've heard so often. But that does not change it's truth.
But even more potent is her description of the two chess players, one who knows the programming of the game and plays based upon the predictable programming... and one who knows the possibilities of their opponent and plays considering all possible paths. Which one is the better chess player? Ask any Grand Master and they will say the latter. Knowing programmed moves only works so long as the programming never changes. But with free will, free agents in the universe with the ability to choose DIFFERENTLY, pre-programmed answers will always fail.
C.S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity, has another way of looking at it. This world is ruled by a sovereign King. But there was a rebellion, an usurper who has taken power that didn't belong. The king has returned, though, and is inviting all loyal people to join with him. In fact, that war has already been won. What we are experiencing now, what we are seeing with the evil in the world, is the desperate rear-guard action of the usurper. Evil exists, not as something that has yet to be conquered, but as something that has already lost and just doesn't know it yet. And in the midst of it, we have our loving King, doing everything he can to bring out the best in every situation. He doesn't cause the pain, but he is there in the pain. He is weeping with the mother who has lost her son. He is holding tight the woman facing the dreaded "C" word. He is in the room with the family planning funeral arrangements they never expected. And he is weeping along with them all. But he is taking that pain, and he is doing something with it.
Philip Yancey in his book, "Where is God When it Hurts?" points out that pain has a purpose, that it tells us there is something wrong that needs fixed, needs healed. People who live without pain, those suffering leprosy, end up with horrendous deformities because they don't realize that there is something wrong when they break a bone or get a cut. The same with diabetic neuropathy. Pain says, "There is something wrong here." God does not cause the pain in our lives. But he does recognize the pain as a sign of something wrong. And this is where Jessica's true power comes out. She points out that we are then invited to come along with God and join his war against pain, against tragedy, and to enter into those places of hurt and trauma and bring the healing light of hope with us. "Yes, it hurts. Yes, it's horrible. But listen - there is a God who loves you and is right there with you and he is fighting along side of you." This is our mission, to bring this hope to the world.
Our world is full of pain and tragedy. Does the Lord will it? No. I don't believe God, in his divine love, desires ANYONE to feel pain or experience tragedy. What God wills is that we know and experience his passionate, intense love for us and find hope that he is with us even in the darkest valley of despair. This is Jessica's legacy she gives in her book. Will you agree with her warfare worldview? I don't know. That's up to you. But if nothing else, if you get nothing else from her book, then at least receive the knowledge that God loves you, God weeps with you, God cares deeply enough for you to become a human being in order to rescue you from pain by becoming the pain-filled one. And ultimately, God WILL make it all right in the end. The pain is for a time but God's will is for it to come to an end. This is what the Lord is willing, that there will come a day when there will be no more pain.
This book will be released April 26th, 2016. If you have experienced pain in your life, if there is a trauma you have experienced or gone through, and you are wondering, "Where was God in my pain?"... and the answers we've been taught aren't enough for you, then you need this book.
**I received this book as a promotional preview from Herald Press with no expectation of a positivr review. The opinion is my own and I have not been compensated for it**
I don't claim to know the answer. God is too big for me to figure out. But Jessica Kelly, in her book "Lord Willing?" presents a different model, a different worldview than one that demands that my God somehow, even though we are told there is no darkness in him, allows bad stuff to happen. And Jessica is qualified to tell this story. She faced her own trauma in the tragic death of her four-year-old son who died from a massive and untreatable brain tumor. Her question was, "God allowed my son to endure horrendous torment and torture to teach me a lesson?" and the answer of "It's all in his plan" fell flat for her, too.
Before I get to her answer, I want to point out something. The first two-thirds of her book read more like a memoir than a theological discussion. In part one she gives testimony of her journey from a young age into motherhood, wrestling with what she terms the "blueprint worldview" of God and how it morphed and changed through her life as it just didn't always seem to fit. It is a story that, while I didn't follow it in my own life, the questions she asks are like mine. We are taught that God is good, intrinsically good, and so good that there is no darkness in him. We are taught that God's absolute essence is love. At the root of everything God does, there is love. And it is a love that we have revealed to us through Jesus to be a love so self-less, so sacrificial that God himself would rather suffer the torment of the cross than allow anyone else to suffer. And we are taught that this revelation is the clearest, most perfect, most complete revelation of God. If this is the case... how does that fit with a God who either causes pain and suffering as part of a perfect plan or allows pain and suffering as part of that plan? The answer: it doesn't. But what does?
At this point, Jessica goes into the heartwrenching story of her experience with her son. I cannot give justice to the outpouring of emotion in her story so I will not attempt it. You need to read it for yourself. But this is more than just a story to tug at your heartstrings. This is Jessica's credentials. She is basically laying it out there for the reader to see that she's coming at this question of "Why do bad things happen?" not as some sort of academic exercise but because she has a monstrously huge stake in the answer. The answer is vital to her to understand what happened to her son. If she was just someone who has experienced only the ordinary pains of normal life, I don't think she would have any place to attempt to answer the question the way she has. If anyone has the write to delve in and approach this question, she does as does any other person out there who has gone through such trauma.
Now, along with that, she is generous and compassionate in her assertions. And this goes a long way to making this not just a good book but a great one. The way she states it is that it is the victim who owns the theology, not the bystander. So, if there is someone who has found immense hope, immense victory and triumph through the blue-print worldview, this book is not for them. But if they wrestle as Jessica has wrestled (as I have wrestled), then she points out that it is at least worth considering a different way of looking at things. And what way is that?
This: that we live in a warzone. This world is in the midst of a cosmic struggle between God and other forces and wills in the world. Folks may question whether this discounts God's sovereignty and I believe Jessica gives an excellent answer. God is still sovereign. He still rules and reigns over the universe. But just as any sovereign, he's not a micro manager. He doesn't control and manipulate everyone all the time. There are other wills at work in this world, some as mundane as a human being making a choice, some a bit more esoteric such as the laws of nature acting in response to events, and some sinister, the "powers of the air" and "princes of darkness". Are they greater than God? Greater than his will? No. He is still sovereign and what he wants out of this universe WILL still happen. But, in the meantime, there is a war going on and, in a war, bad stuff happens.
But why doesn't God just step in and keep the bad stuff from happening? Again, the answer is love and Jessica very clearly points this out. Love, true love, comes from the will to love. God made a great risk in this universe when he created it with the potential for those other wills, those other free agents in the universe, to act against his will. But the risk was necessary. Without that risk of free will, true love cannot happen. Jessica's analogy of the doll who can be programmed to say "I love you" is similar to the "robot" analogy that we've heard so often. But that does not change it's truth.
But even more potent is her description of the two chess players, one who knows the programming of the game and plays based upon the predictable programming... and one who knows the possibilities of their opponent and plays considering all possible paths. Which one is the better chess player? Ask any Grand Master and they will say the latter. Knowing programmed moves only works so long as the programming never changes. But with free will, free agents in the universe with the ability to choose DIFFERENTLY, pre-programmed answers will always fail.
C.S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity, has another way of looking at it. This world is ruled by a sovereign King. But there was a rebellion, an usurper who has taken power that didn't belong. The king has returned, though, and is inviting all loyal people to join with him. In fact, that war has already been won. What we are experiencing now, what we are seeing with the evil in the world, is the desperate rear-guard action of the usurper. Evil exists, not as something that has yet to be conquered, but as something that has already lost and just doesn't know it yet. And in the midst of it, we have our loving King, doing everything he can to bring out the best in every situation. He doesn't cause the pain, but he is there in the pain. He is weeping with the mother who has lost her son. He is holding tight the woman facing the dreaded "C" word. He is in the room with the family planning funeral arrangements they never expected. And he is weeping along with them all. But he is taking that pain, and he is doing something with it.
Philip Yancey in his book, "Where is God When it Hurts?" points out that pain has a purpose, that it tells us there is something wrong that needs fixed, needs healed. People who live without pain, those suffering leprosy, end up with horrendous deformities because they don't realize that there is something wrong when they break a bone or get a cut. The same with diabetic neuropathy. Pain says, "There is something wrong here." God does not cause the pain in our lives. But he does recognize the pain as a sign of something wrong. And this is where Jessica's true power comes out. She points out that we are then invited to come along with God and join his war against pain, against tragedy, and to enter into those places of hurt and trauma and bring the healing light of hope with us. "Yes, it hurts. Yes, it's horrible. But listen - there is a God who loves you and is right there with you and he is fighting along side of you." This is our mission, to bring this hope to the world.
Our world is full of pain and tragedy. Does the Lord will it? No. I don't believe God, in his divine love, desires ANYONE to feel pain or experience tragedy. What God wills is that we know and experience his passionate, intense love for us and find hope that he is with us even in the darkest valley of despair. This is Jessica's legacy she gives in her book. Will you agree with her warfare worldview? I don't know. That's up to you. But if nothing else, if you get nothing else from her book, then at least receive the knowledge that God loves you, God weeps with you, God cares deeply enough for you to become a human being in order to rescue you from pain by becoming the pain-filled one. And ultimately, God WILL make it all right in the end. The pain is for a time but God's will is for it to come to an end. This is what the Lord is willing, that there will come a day when there will be no more pain.
This book will be released April 26th, 2016. If you have experienced pain in your life, if there is a trauma you have experienced or gone through, and you are wondering, "Where was God in my pain?"... and the answers we've been taught aren't enough for you, then you need this book.
**I received this book as a promotional preview from Herald Press with no expectation of a positivr review. The opinion is my own and I have not been compensated for it**
March 13, 2018
I cannot express enough how important this book has been to me. At the lowest point of my experience of grief and loss I was wrestling with trying to understand how a loving God could have brought my pain and suffering about. Jessica Kelley helped to rescue my strangled faith and give me renewed joy and trust in our God who is love himself. I have been able to approach my pain and run into the arms of Jesus knowing it was not caused by action or inaction of God, but that, in fact, “an enemy has done this”.
August 8, 2017
Excellent book written by a mother who's child died of brain cancer at the age of four. It describes her faith journey before, during and after her child's illness and death. The author discusses the typical blueprint worldview that most Christians follow (that God is orchestrating all the details of our lives, even giving her son brain cancer). And counteracts that worldview with a warfare worldview, which allows people to maintain their faith and their passion for a loving God, even after horrendous things happen in their lives.
September 14, 2016
Everyone has a background theology of suffering – but does your theology hold up when you undergo major tragedy? This is the question Kelley addresses in her powerful book on God’s role in suffering. It’s a sandwich structure – theology at the start and end, and in the middle an (incredibly moving and beautifully-written) memoir of her four-year-old boy dying of cancer.
Her contention is that much Christian theology (especially conservative evangelical) overemphasises God’s sovereignty, with the effect of making God a monster when it comes to suffering. Rather, she wants to emphasise a theology where God is a warrior, in battle with Satan, and although Satan creates suffering, God anticipates Satan’s moves and can bring out some good things from tragedy and will ultimately win. To put it slightly crudely, if John Piper and others are at one end of the scale, saying that God is sovereign and therefore we must thank him for everything (including cancer and suffering) as a gift to make us holy; she is representing the other end of the scale, downplaying God’s sovereignty and emphasising God’s goodness, as a warrior against Satan and suffering (who sometimes loses?).
Kelley is a gifted theological teacher and communicator, and her writing is powerful and persuasive, particularly on exposing the weaknesses of the ‘strong-sovereignty’ theology. I’m still processing it, but it left me wondering whether there was a third way between these two dichotomies. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it for anyone in the midst of suffering, and she herself says that if your’e going through suffering and happy with your theology, then maybe the book isn’t for you. But for anyone wanting to explore the theology of suffering, this is an incredibly thought-provoking, intelligent-without-being-academic, clearly-written and moving book, and an important counter to the majority of Christian books on suffering.
Her contention is that much Christian theology (especially conservative evangelical) overemphasises God’s sovereignty, with the effect of making God a monster when it comes to suffering. Rather, she wants to emphasise a theology where God is a warrior, in battle with Satan, and although Satan creates suffering, God anticipates Satan’s moves and can bring out some good things from tragedy and will ultimately win. To put it slightly crudely, if John Piper and others are at one end of the scale, saying that God is sovereign and therefore we must thank him for everything (including cancer and suffering) as a gift to make us holy; she is representing the other end of the scale, downplaying God’s sovereignty and emphasising God’s goodness, as a warrior against Satan and suffering (who sometimes loses?).
Kelley is a gifted theological teacher and communicator, and her writing is powerful and persuasive, particularly on exposing the weaknesses of the ‘strong-sovereignty’ theology. I’m still processing it, but it left me wondering whether there was a third way between these two dichotomies. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it for anyone in the midst of suffering, and she herself says that if your’e going through suffering and happy with your theology, then maybe the book isn’t for you. But for anyone wanting to explore the theology of suffering, this is an incredibly thought-provoking, intelligent-without-being-academic, clearly-written and moving book, and an important counter to the majority of Christian books on suffering.
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December 13, 2016In this book, author Jessica Kelley tells the heart-breaking story of how her four-year-old son, Henry, was diagnosed with brain cancer, how he endured four surgeries in 28 days, until the best treatment option left was for his parents to take Henry home and care for him there during his final months. As they lovingly cared for their son, they also wrestled with deep questions of faith. Her account is beautifully told--personal, thoughtful, and thought-provoking, grounded in Scripture and theologically engaged. Read my entire review: A Journey of Suffering and Hope.
September 17, 2017
This is a fantastic book that powerfully weaves together an emotional personal story with intense biblical studies and theological discussion of the toughest challenge to belief in a loving god. Jessica's vulnerability sharing the story of Henry and how she reacted through all of it is very moving, almost pushing me to tears several times.
The theological discussions that come along with it are extremely important. Like most Western Christians, Jessica grew up with the "blueprint" version of God. That comes in one of two forms: strong where God specifically wills everything, or weak where God specifically allows everything. Either way, it is usually accompanied by a claim that God is still perfectly loving even while committing acts we would call unquestionably evil if done by anybody else. She rejects this view, instead promoting a warfare worldview that acknowledges other wills exist so God does not always get what God wants. That's probably a simplistic summary, but it is an important enough idea I wanted to include it even if you don't read the entire book. That is ultimately the most important theological question: what does God look like to you? Jessica will help you see that God looks like the perfect sacrificial love of Jesus, not some chess master killing his pawns (human beings including children) as part of some bigger plan.
A couple of short sections did lag a little for me, but again, they were not enough to disrupt the book as a whole. The book works more or less chronologically, which is a logical decision but did make for a slower start because Jessica was fortunate enough to have some of the theological framework in place before Henry's tumour was diagnosed. That means the first couple of chapters were less interesting, just recounting how she learned a picture of a truly loving God rather than the blueprint God. It can similarly lag a little on some of the biblical analysis that is more detached from Henry's story, but realistically she probably couldn't have done much better within the few pages she had to work with - and of course importantly it is still good biblical analysis, even if a little rushed or detached sometimes.
In short, others may do a more thorough job of the theological discussions in the abstract, but I've never read anything close to this in terms of tying those vital theological insights to such a heart-wrenching personal story. It reminds us that theology is not abstract; it is real and affects how we live our lives.
The theological discussions that come along with it are extremely important. Like most Western Christians, Jessica grew up with the "blueprint" version of God. That comes in one of two forms: strong where God specifically wills everything, or weak where God specifically allows everything. Either way, it is usually accompanied by a claim that God is still perfectly loving even while committing acts we would call unquestionably evil if done by anybody else. She rejects this view, instead promoting a warfare worldview that acknowledges other wills exist so God does not always get what God wants. That's probably a simplistic summary, but it is an important enough idea I wanted to include it even if you don't read the entire book. That is ultimately the most important theological question: what does God look like to you? Jessica will help you see that God looks like the perfect sacrificial love of Jesus, not some chess master killing his pawns (human beings including children) as part of some bigger plan.
A couple of short sections did lag a little for me, but again, they were not enough to disrupt the book as a whole. The book works more or less chronologically, which is a logical decision but did make for a slower start because Jessica was fortunate enough to have some of the theological framework in place before Henry's tumour was diagnosed. That means the first couple of chapters were less interesting, just recounting how she learned a picture of a truly loving God rather than the blueprint God. It can similarly lag a little on some of the biblical analysis that is more detached from Henry's story, but realistically she probably couldn't have done much better within the few pages she had to work with - and of course importantly it is still good biblical analysis, even if a little rushed or detached sometimes.
In short, others may do a more thorough job of the theological discussions in the abstract, but I've never read anything close to this in terms of tying those vital theological insights to such a heart-wrenching personal story. It reminds us that theology is not abstract; it is real and affects how we live our lives.
September 1, 2018
Although I've been a christian for a long time, I had never heard of the blueprint view and warfare view. Now that i know the difference, I realize that i have always sided with blueprint but after reading this book twice, I am beginning to realize that I also believe in parts of the warfare view. Having been chronically ill majority of my life, I used to have a picture of God beating me with physical pain but had to change that picture to one of God weeping with me instead. That I am resting in His lap as He comforts me. Had i not changed that picture, I might have lost my faith too. Changing this picture in my imagination has given me much more comfort. And realize that this picture of love has certainly given me hope to go on and the passion to share this love with others.
I struggle with the fact that she names people but think she does so with as much respect as possible.
I would encourage readers to read the more in depth reviews to better understand the authors views and beliefs.
I like that she says when a person is in the midst of crisis, it is not the time to give someone this book. It is a good idea to wrestle through ones beliefs prior to experiencing devastation such as this author encourages. Her story telling of Henry's illness is heart wrenching but beautiful at the same time. Jessica is a good and thorough writer.
I struggle with the fact that she names people but think she does so with as much respect as possible.
I would encourage readers to read the more in depth reviews to better understand the authors views and beliefs.
I like that she says when a person is in the midst of crisis, it is not the time to give someone this book. It is a good idea to wrestle through ones beliefs prior to experiencing devastation such as this author encourages. Her story telling of Henry's illness is heart wrenching but beautiful at the same time. Jessica is a good and thorough writer.
March 15, 2020
A great book, written in 3 parts. The first part describes her change in understanding of what God is like with backdrop the death of her young son looming in her future though not yet aware of this. The middle part is her gut wrenching story of her young sons journey which a hyper aggressive brain tumour that took his life. Oh my, I just wept. In the last part she takes on the question of where is God in our pain and tragedies. She describes what she calls the blueprint view where God controls everything we experience. This has many problems which she all uncovers. She then describes her preferred view, the warfare worldview. She examines some common approaches to scripture used when tragedy strikes and suggests a better (IMO) view of how God works in the world.
November 13, 2023
Lord Willing? by Jessica Kelley is a memoir and a theological exploration that challenges the traditional view of God's sovereignty and providence. The author shares her personal story of losing her four-year-old son to brain cancer and how that tragedy led her to question the idea that God wills everything that happens. She argues that God is not the author of evil, but rather a loving and relational being who gives humans and angels free will and works with them to bring about his good purposes. She also explores the biblical and historical evidence for her view, as well as the implications for prayer, suffering, and hope. Lord Willing? is suitable for anyone who has ever wondered about God's role in the world, especially in the face of evil and suffering.
July 26, 2019
This might be one of the most timely books I have ever read. Whether you agree or not with the author, she will give you so much to think about regarding everything you may have been taught about theology. The book is extremely well written and researched. Everything supported in scripture or footnoted in the back. Amazing combination of heart breaking testimony and theological research.
October 30, 2018
This is a must read for any who have suffered and questioned the role of God in their suffering. This book played an important role in my own journey of healing. Sometimes the simple answers we give to others who are suffering are not helpful--the author shares her journey to help us do better!
July 10, 2018
I agree with the author that God is loving and doesn't cause tragedy but I disagree with her that God is weak. Easy to read and thought provoking.
February 27, 2022
I spent a lonnnng time with this book. Reading, rereading, taking notes. It deeply ministered to my wounds.
December 31, 2022
Absolutely heartbreaking. I sobbed through the first half of the book. But it has changed my view on God, His goodness, and whether or not He “allows” or “causes” evil things to happen.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 12, 2023
A tough read that asks a lot of questions
July 11, 2016
This was a hard book for me to read. It’s also a book that has desperately needed to be written.
Every time a tragedy strikes, from the death of a loved one to a natural disaster, certain well-meaning but misguided Christians assert that God is in control of the situation. There’s a hidden reason, they suggest, why God would allow (or cause) this to happen. His ways are mysterious, but he’s working it all together for good. God is apparently trying to teach us something. It’s ultimately all for his glory.
So when you get a flat tire, don’t worry, God is in control. When an accident leaves you paralyzed for life, God caused it to happen for a reason. When a young girl is raped, God is working it all together for good. When a young boy is murdered, God is trying to teach us something. When an earthquake destroys countless lives, it was all for God’s glory.
I have no words to describe how contemptible I find this kind of theology. (And the only words that come close are ones I’d rather not use in my reviews.)
A god who brought about such evils to bring himself glory would be a monster god. This god looks nothing like Jesus!
Sadly, this monster-god theology has come to dominate most of Western Christianity. Enter any Christian bookstore, and you’ll find the shelves packed full of it. Turn on any Christian radio station, and you’ll hear it loud and clear. They may not all preach the logical outcomes of such theology as explicitly as I’ve done above, but the underlying beliefs are the same. Everything that happens is somehow a part of God’s perfect plan.
We need more voices saying that this is wrong. We need more Christians who will make it known that evil of any kind is always an intrusion into God’s plan—never something that God orchestrated.
To this end, I’m thankful that Jessica Kelley has decided to share her story. Having lived through every parent’s worst nightmare, she came out of it with the firm conviction that God did not cause her son’s death. God did not give her precious child cancer.
In Lord Willing?: Wrestling with God’s Role in My Child’s Death , Jessica Kelley explains how she came to reject “blueprint” theology in favor of a Jesus-looking God. And she walks us through her unimaginable journey of saying goodbye to her son.
The book is equal parts memoir and theological study. As a parent of young children myself, I found it difficult to read about losing one’s child to an incurable disease. Yet it’s a story that ought to be heard. And on the theological side, this is exactly the antidote we need to counter the toxic theology of a god who would ordain suffering. The book easy to follow yet thorough, presenting a comprehensive picture of the beautiful God revealed in Jesus.
Fans of Greg Boyd will no doubt appreciate his forward to the book, and they may notice a good bit of his theological insights coming through. But that’s not to say this is merely a repackaged version of Boyd. Lord Willing? very much belongs to Jessica Kelley. It’s obvious on every page that she has poured her heart into it. Her voice comes through clearly, and I hope we can look forward to more from her in the future. Thank you for sharing your story, Jessica. And thank you, Herald Press, for sending me a review copy of this book.
This review has been adapted from one originally written for my blog, HippieHeretic.com.
Every time a tragedy strikes, from the death of a loved one to a natural disaster, certain well-meaning but misguided Christians assert that God is in control of the situation. There’s a hidden reason, they suggest, why God would allow (or cause) this to happen. His ways are mysterious, but he’s working it all together for good. God is apparently trying to teach us something. It’s ultimately all for his glory.
So when you get a flat tire, don’t worry, God is in control. When an accident leaves you paralyzed for life, God caused it to happen for a reason. When a young girl is raped, God is working it all together for good. When a young boy is murdered, God is trying to teach us something. When an earthquake destroys countless lives, it was all for God’s glory.
I have no words to describe how contemptible I find this kind of theology. (And the only words that come close are ones I’d rather not use in my reviews.)
A god who brought about such evils to bring himself glory would be a monster god. This god looks nothing like Jesus!
Sadly, this monster-god theology has come to dominate most of Western Christianity. Enter any Christian bookstore, and you’ll find the shelves packed full of it. Turn on any Christian radio station, and you’ll hear it loud and clear. They may not all preach the logical outcomes of such theology as explicitly as I’ve done above, but the underlying beliefs are the same. Everything that happens is somehow a part of God’s perfect plan.
We need more voices saying that this is wrong. We need more Christians who will make it known that evil of any kind is always an intrusion into God’s plan—never something that God orchestrated.
To this end, I’m thankful that Jessica Kelley has decided to share her story. Having lived through every parent’s worst nightmare, she came out of it with the firm conviction that God did not cause her son’s death. God did not give her precious child cancer.
In Lord Willing?: Wrestling with God’s Role in My Child’s Death , Jessica Kelley explains how she came to reject “blueprint” theology in favor of a Jesus-looking God. And she walks us through her unimaginable journey of saying goodbye to her son.
The book is equal parts memoir and theological study. As a parent of young children myself, I found it difficult to read about losing one’s child to an incurable disease. Yet it’s a story that ought to be heard. And on the theological side, this is exactly the antidote we need to counter the toxic theology of a god who would ordain suffering. The book easy to follow yet thorough, presenting a comprehensive picture of the beautiful God revealed in Jesus.
Fans of Greg Boyd will no doubt appreciate his forward to the book, and they may notice a good bit of his theological insights coming through. But that’s not to say this is merely a repackaged version of Boyd. Lord Willing? very much belongs to Jessica Kelley. It’s obvious on every page that she has poured her heart into it. Her voice comes through clearly, and I hope we can look forward to more from her in the future. Thank you for sharing your story, Jessica. And thank you, Herald Press, for sending me a review copy of this book.
This review has been adapted from one originally written for my blog, HippieHeretic.com.
June 7, 2016
This is Jessica's testimony where she vividly retells the tragic story of her four year old son Henry's death from a brain tumor and where she explores what God’s role in that process was. The book starts with a bit of a background story as to how she went from believing that God was in total control of everything that happens on earth and that all of the pain and suffering around us was somehow allowed or designed by God to ultimately bring glory to Him. To how she eventually came to reject that views in favor of a what she calls the warfare worldview which states that although God is all powerful, He is not all controlling and does not specifically allow bad things like cancer, murder and sex trafficking to happen. This view states that the love of God demands that there was a degree of risk involved in creation. Hence the death, disease and destruction that we see all around us today are not the results of the will of God but rather the fruits of a fallen creation. For example, while Gods will can be seeing in the command “thou shall not murder”, some people choose to walk a path contrary to that will. Murder therefore is clearly not part of God's will. Throughout her testimony Jessica Kelley keeps pointing us back to Jesus, back to the cross and reminds us that the full revelation of what God is like was revealed on Calvary, this is what love looks like and she continually urges us to trust in this image of God.
The book continues with the story of the discovery of an aggressive brain tumor in her son, the treatment thereof and then finally the death of four year old Henry. It was absolutely heart wrenching to read and at times I simply had to put the book down because the emotion was just too intense for me to press onward. Jessica has done a masterful job in retelling her story, recalling the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the beauty of life and the ugliness of death in a manner that makes Lord Willing? so very human and easy to relate to.
From there on things shift more toward a theological discussion. Things that have been mentioned briefly up until this point, whether on the side of the more traditional ‘blueprint’ worldview or the lesser known ‘warfare worldview’, both get a thorough scriptural examination. While I might disagree with or admit uncertainty about some of the ‘nuts and bolts’ of what is presented, I am in full agreement with the overall model and picture that this book provides. There is evil in this world which God is at war with. We see it in Jesus when He cast out demons, healed the sick, raised the dead and rebuked a storm. But in war bad things happen, there is pain, there is suffering and there is loss. Yet when tragedy comes we can be certain that God wins in the grand scheme of things and that while He is still opposed, He is working to bring about good even when His will is thwarted.
My hope is that this book will fall into the hands of as many people as possible because to some degree or another we all experience suffering and loss and, in those moments, what we believe about God will either push us away from or toward Him. I believe that this book is a great tool in helping people to see God more clearly, I hope that it will help people to stand against evil and say, “this is not of God” and in the midst of life’s greatest trials we can with full assurance run toward Him and know that there is comfort in His arms, that He is good, loving and trustworthy.
The book continues with the story of the discovery of an aggressive brain tumor in her son, the treatment thereof and then finally the death of four year old Henry. It was absolutely heart wrenching to read and at times I simply had to put the book down because the emotion was just too intense for me to press onward. Jessica has done a masterful job in retelling her story, recalling the ups and the downs, the good and the bad, the beauty of life and the ugliness of death in a manner that makes Lord Willing? so very human and easy to relate to.
From there on things shift more toward a theological discussion. Things that have been mentioned briefly up until this point, whether on the side of the more traditional ‘blueprint’ worldview or the lesser known ‘warfare worldview’, both get a thorough scriptural examination. While I might disagree with or admit uncertainty about some of the ‘nuts and bolts’ of what is presented, I am in full agreement with the overall model and picture that this book provides. There is evil in this world which God is at war with. We see it in Jesus when He cast out demons, healed the sick, raised the dead and rebuked a storm. But in war bad things happen, there is pain, there is suffering and there is loss. Yet when tragedy comes we can be certain that God wins in the grand scheme of things and that while He is still opposed, He is working to bring about good even when His will is thwarted.
My hope is that this book will fall into the hands of as many people as possible because to some degree or another we all experience suffering and loss and, in those moments, what we believe about God will either push us away from or toward Him. I believe that this book is a great tool in helping people to see God more clearly, I hope that it will help people to stand against evil and say, “this is not of God” and in the midst of life’s greatest trials we can with full assurance run toward Him and know that there is comfort in His arms, that He is good, loving and trustworthy.
July 17, 2016
This book tackles the question of God and human suffering (theodicy). When tragedy strikes and/or suffering is experienced those who claim Christianity offer and are offered many different responses. Some responses are more helpful than others, while others are downright harmful.
Jessica Kelley offers a perspective in this book on this question that is an alternative to one that is generally prevalent in today's Christianity.
She gives the common view a name: blueprint. In this view God has a detailed plan (a blueprint) for each person, and so everything that happens, happens for a reason. It may be to teach a lesson, to purify, or perhaps as punishment. Everything that happens (even those that are putatively said to be allowed) is ultimately willed by God to serve his purposes.
But is this the best view, or even correct? Jessica disagrees.
She offers a better view that places God's love (rather than his absolute sovereignty and/or holiness) at the center of theodicy. She terms this view the warfare view. In this model God's love is at war with evil in this world. Because God desires love to be the ultimate response to him, he cannot employ any coercive means or force to bring about his desires. Thus as part of the design of his creation, he gave up some control and risked rebellion and power to be used against him. What was seen as a risk indeed happened and that is where we are today: on the battlefield, in a war zone. Love limits what God can do, and quite often, evil has its say. But this is a war in which those who have chosen God's side fight together with him and everyone else with him against evil, in a process of taking back the world through the power of compassion, empathy, reconciliation, and love. God does not ordain or cause evil; nor does he "allow" it. There is no foreordained "reason" for bad things that happen and for suffering. But God can redeem any of these things that happen toward his greater purposes.
The first part of the book is Jessica's story about growing up in the "blueprint" theology, and how different events caused her to question it and bring her to the "warfare" view.
The second part of the book is her personal story of facing a terminal illness of her son, and how she worked through the process of tragedy and suffering.
The third part of the book is theological. She provides many reasons why the warfare view is more Christian and reflects more accurately the character of God than the blueprint view. She addresses various objections that those who hold to the blueprint model might raise.
An important consideration to keep in mind with this book is what she provides in one of the chapters: don't push this different way of seeing theodicy to someone who is grieving and is comfortable with the blueprint view. Introduce the warfare view if discomfort or questions are raised with the blueprint view, and only do so with permission.
In my own case, I grew up in a denomination that more or less taught the warfare view (under a different name), so what Jessica writes was not revolutionary or controversial. What I appreciated most was her clarity in expressing the arguments in favor of the warfare view and the sound arguments against the blueprint view.
Jessica Kelley offers a perspective in this book on this question that is an alternative to one that is generally prevalent in today's Christianity.
She gives the common view a name: blueprint. In this view God has a detailed plan (a blueprint) for each person, and so everything that happens, happens for a reason. It may be to teach a lesson, to purify, or perhaps as punishment. Everything that happens (even those that are putatively said to be allowed) is ultimately willed by God to serve his purposes.
But is this the best view, or even correct? Jessica disagrees.
She offers a better view that places God's love (rather than his absolute sovereignty and/or holiness) at the center of theodicy. She terms this view the warfare view. In this model God's love is at war with evil in this world. Because God desires love to be the ultimate response to him, he cannot employ any coercive means or force to bring about his desires. Thus as part of the design of his creation, he gave up some control and risked rebellion and power to be used against him. What was seen as a risk indeed happened and that is where we are today: on the battlefield, in a war zone. Love limits what God can do, and quite often, evil has its say. But this is a war in which those who have chosen God's side fight together with him and everyone else with him against evil, in a process of taking back the world through the power of compassion, empathy, reconciliation, and love. God does not ordain or cause evil; nor does he "allow" it. There is no foreordained "reason" for bad things that happen and for suffering. But God can redeem any of these things that happen toward his greater purposes.
The first part of the book is Jessica's story about growing up in the "blueprint" theology, and how different events caused her to question it and bring her to the "warfare" view.
The second part of the book is her personal story of facing a terminal illness of her son, and how she worked through the process of tragedy and suffering.
The third part of the book is theological. She provides many reasons why the warfare view is more Christian and reflects more accurately the character of God than the blueprint view. She addresses various objections that those who hold to the blueprint model might raise.
An important consideration to keep in mind with this book is what she provides in one of the chapters: don't push this different way of seeing theodicy to someone who is grieving and is comfortable with the blueprint view. Introduce the warfare view if discomfort or questions are raised with the blueprint view, and only do so with permission.
In my own case, I grew up in a denomination that more or less taught the warfare view (under a different name), so what Jessica writes was not revolutionary or controversial. What I appreciated most was her clarity in expressing the arguments in favor of the warfare view and the sound arguments against the blueprint view.
May 17, 2016
Excellent book and so well written I felt as though I walked step by step through Jessica's journey with 4-year-old Henry in his precious life and premature death. While truly heartbreaking, through the pain and grief we are offered a deeper understanding of God's love and a theological view of suffering in which God walks side by side with us, rather than being the cause.
May 14, 2016
A powerful book that has helped transform my understanding of suffering and of God's continual, loving presence in the midst of pain.
September 5, 2016
Outstanding!
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January 1, 2019I would not have thought I still held a "blueprint worldview," but having it paid off so clearly, I recognized my thoughts quite a bit. I have a feeling both the familiar, heartbreaking story and the worldview shift will be sticking with me.
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