Your Five-Year-Old: Sunny and Serene

by Louise Bates Ames, Frances L. Ilg

A five-year-old is a wonderful, fun-loving, exuberant child. But what’s going on inside that five-year-old head? What stages of development does a child this age go through, and what should parents know that can help their five-year-old handle this impressionable year? Recognized authorities on child behavior and development, Drs. Ames and Ilg answer these and many other questions, offering both invaluable practical advice and enlightening psychological insights.
 
Included in this
• Characteristics of age Five
• The child and others
• Discipline
• Accomplishments and abilities
• The child’s mind
• School
• The five-year-old party
• Individuality
• Stories from real life
• Good books and toys for Fives
• Books for parents
 
“Louise Bates Ames and her colleagues synthesize a lifetime of observation of children, consultation, and discussion with parents. These books will help parents to better understand their children and will guide them through the fascinating and sometimes trying experiences of modern parenthood.”—Donald J. Cohen, M.D., Director, Yale Child Study Center, Irving B. Harris Professor of Child Psychiatry, Pediatrics, and Psychology, Yale School of Medicine

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Childrens, Family

144 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1979

About the author

Louise Bates Ames was an American psychologist specializing in child development.[1] Ames was known as a pioneer of child development studies, introducing the theory of child development stages to popular discourse. Ames authored numerous internationally renowned books on the stages of child development, hosted a television show on child development, and co-founded the Gesell Institute of Child Development in New Haven, CT.

Ames's work found that children go through clear, discrete developmental phases based on age. She demonstrated that various age groups feature unique behavioral patterns, to be considered by parents and doctors in monitoring children's development. Perhaps the best-known legacy of her work was the coining of the term "Terrible Twos," to describe the rigid, conflict-laden behavioral patterns of two-year-olds.

Reviews

[Elizabeth Fuller · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is a quick, easy read...but I couldn't help being just a bit disappointed. Mostly because I was looking for advice about how to deal with my son's more difficult behaviors (tantrums, refusals, rudeness, etc.) and from cover to cover it does nothing but talk about how 5-year-olds are such consistently sunny, cooperative helpers. And while every now and then it would toss in a remark about how, of course, "all kids are different," it didn't deal with any of those possibly "different" behaviors. Not very helpful.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man, do I love these books! It's so refreshing not to have guilt heaped upon me from parenting books, plus just knowing what is normal and what to expect helps me make my own discipline and training decisions. Plus, who doesn't love some good old 70s photos. It reminds me of sesame street!

[Caterina Fake]

This is a great series, I have read ages one through five at this point.

[Shoshanah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not sure where I first heard of this book series, I think it may have been a Jewish parenting book? But earlier in the year I read I finally read my first from the series Your Four-Year-Old. Then finished the year out reading Your Five-Year-Old: Sunny and Serene by Louise Bates Ames & Frances Ilg.

Thankfully so much of childhood is timeless since these books were written in the 70s. Granted yes, it does talk about listening to phonograph records or walking two blocks alone to the store being a sign of kindergarten readiness, but a lot of the personality traits are still spot on.

It does talk a lot about how attached 5-year-olds are and that is 100% true here. If I’m sitting on the couch, 9 times out of 10 my 5-year-old is sitting on my lap.

It does stress that these are traits of an average 5-year-old, which makes me realize my son may not be “average.” There a lot of talk about how 5-year-olds are rule followers, which isn’t really the case in our house. Although at the end there Q&As or stories from real-life and that’s where I start to see my son. One line specifically stood out, that with children similar to our son “you need an assembly line of at least five people to take care of him. As one fatigues, another one takes over.”

Something else I found fun was a list of recommended books for 5-year-olds, several I remember from my childhood that are also part of my children’s library. But there’s also others I don’t recognize, that I plan on researching.

These books exist for each year of childhood through the early teens years. Up next for me, is Your Seven-Year-Old, the age my daughter just turned.

4/5

[Erin Bomboy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Louise Bates Ames' Your Five-Year-Old is an oldie but goodie. It presents a clear picture of what to expect—the good, the bad, and the goofy—with your kindergartener in a way that isn't patronizing but is commonsense. Written in the '80s, it shows its age more than a few times, notably in regards to parental gender roles and milestones. In regards to the latter, 20th-century five-year-olds were considered ready for kindergarten if they could walk two blocks alone. If you did that today, social services would come after you. Also, Ames thinks it's a bad idea to teach reading to this group, but now it's expected that kids enter first grade with a strong grasp of the written word. Regardless of some of the dated information, this is a useful guide for parents.

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 starts. Outdated, not much helpful current info. Much of the book was about whether your child is ready for kindergarten yet.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Low-key, practical book about five year olds and their general behavior and development. It shows its age in places (its relaxed approach to early schooling makes me a bit wistful, and the advice on tongue-sucking was rather horrifying), but typical five-year-olds haven't changed much. Loved the pictures!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favorite parenting serious delivers again. I now understand what's going on with my suddenly super agreeable, slightly clingy five-year-old.

Yes, they're old and in desperate need of an update, but reading with that in mind, there's still a lot of good overview to understand where five-year-olds are temperamentally and developmentally.

[Brook Garrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Old fashioned parenting!!!

Love this old fashioned parenting book. From how great you five year old is to Ralphie setting fires. It's all gonna be okay even without kale.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant! I wish I had discovered this series earlier. Completely enlightening.

[Lizz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love Louise Bates Ames' Books!

As usual, I love the approach taken in these books. I've been reading these "X-Year-Old" books since my son was three and I found him to be in a particularly difficult phase of development. Now that he's five (and definitely "sunny") I simply enjoy the insight into the developmental milestones.

Ms. Ames does a fantastic job of making parents feel comfortable and aware of the stage that their child is in.

My only dislike of the book is the approach that children who are introverted need to be accepted, but still pushed to extrovert more. I am, myself, an introvert and quite satisfied with my approach to life so pushing my child unnecessarily seems silly. Secondly, there's still an emphasis on physical punishment under certain circumstances, which simply doesn't line up with my parenting style. That said, the book is still a useful guide to the amazing five-year-old.

[Matt Swanson · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you don't mind a little outdated content, I really appreciate this series for giving a general social/emotional overview of likely traits of the _ year old. The authors always emphasize that each child is different, so I personally felt comfortable reading about what most five years olds are at developmentally without over-analyzing whether my daughter, who just turned 5, is ahead or behind the curve. I would like to read more parenting books, but usually grab other genres of books. This short book is easily read in a couple hours for the time stressed. The presentation is definitely dated, for instance the assumed audience is female, that the primary caregiver is mom and that mom stays home with the child. This series was written in the early 80s. That being said, the core observations about developmental milestones seem based on evidence and experience and so remain relevant today.

[Rebecka Blaylock · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great developmental insight, but in reference to a society that no longer exists

So much fantastic information in here, but also quite a few outdated points. For example, it talks a LOT about “being ready for kindergarten” but is referencing half day, play-based models equivalent to (or even still less intensive than) current preschool. So according to this author 5 year olds should really not be in modern day kindergarten at all (which I agree with), but is too old to state that. It also references 5 year olds wandering around their neighborhoods running errands which wouldn’t be tolerated in modern society, among other things. This series could definitely use a rewrite or updated versions but the basic developmental principles are very insightful

[Amy Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read every age group of these books so far, most of them multiple times over the year that they correspond to.
Although they are dated and some of it requires taking with a pinch of salt (some parts can come across as a little misogynistic due to the age of the text) I find that this series, more often than not hits the nail on the head. It's always nice to know that my child is not the only one 'going through a phase' and that developmentally it's completely normal. Not only normal but expected. Highly recommend for any parent or care giver.

[Susan Maurer · Rating 4 out of 5]

timeless advice but outdated social mores

Child development is predictable to a large extent. The authors do an excellent job of providing a developmental framework for parents of five year olds. The book sadly is very outdated in the societal issues surrounding male and female roles. Parents and children no longer fit the stereotypes depicted in the book. Discipline practices, school experience, even basic safety concerns are an issue in this book.

[Allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful if (as is the caveat with this whole series) dates book on child development. I found less to contend with than some of the earlier books, though as always would recommend it not standing alone. They remind throughout of individuality vs holding to a generalization.

As a parent of a presumably neuro-typical child, I’m not sure how helpful this would be if that we’re not the case. The book’s lens is very narrow in that sense.

[Rachael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nominally insightful as a parent of a five year old… I mostly enjoyed the 1970s photographs and stories from parents that remind me while so much has changed since these books were published, the struggles parents face are timeless and remind me I am not alone now and as I stand next to parents of small children now grown.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

As always, I find these books helpful in terms of what to expect. I dearly hope five is as sunny as the authors predict- we could use a change in the weather! Adorable photos, and although some advice is clearly dated, most I think will bear out.

[Liz De Coster]

These books are fairly narrowly scoped and probably outdated in terms of inclusivity, awareness of neurodivergence, understanding of different family structures and cultural differences. But they're also extremely straightforward if you're looking for a high-level and generic overview.

[nukie19 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of old-fashioned advice but a nice overview of the behavior of an average five year old.

[Nakiya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great to read this and see my son is so many of these pages!

[Laura Flaherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is great information!! I read these bills each year for each of my kids and find them so helpful! A little outdated in places, but the info is still very worthwhile.

[Lily Townsend · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit dated (it’s from 1979). Regardless, the book covers general behavioral trends in 5 year olds and provides useful insight for a Kindergarten teacher.

[Hilary]

Short book and an easy read. Some things were very out of date, but it was interesting to read about typical characteristics for this age, and about school readiness.

[Lisa Stephenson-Horne · Rating 4 out of 5]

These books are very old school (my mother read them when she was raising us). While you do have to take some of it with a grain of salt (gender roles, etc) it's a quick and interesting read.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Great feedback..

This book explained my 5 yo to a "T". Very enjoyable to read and nice guidance. Does a great job explaining specific situations.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely have to disregard a lot of gender stereotypes about adults and kids, but the developmental information is interesting and easy to read.

[Anne Walters custer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as helpful as the earlier books in this series.

[Arazeli · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit dated but the advice is still relevant today 40ish years later. I can see why it's recommended in Waldorf circles. I'll read the others in the series for sure

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting and helpful but dated.