[9/10]
In the middle of the night I lay wide awake in bed, listening to the dull black drone of the wind outside my window and the sound of bare branches scraping against the shingles of the roof just above me.
Well, I might as well pick up a book and read some stories to lure me into that blessed repose. I heard good things about this guy Ligotti, so why not give him a spin? He seems very good at setting up a mood...
... picture me a few pages later even wider awake and questioning what am I doing with my life.
Metaphysical horror trumps bug-eyed monsters and demented serial killers on the scare-me-shitless Richter scale. The truly disturbing stuff is not about somebody who jumps at you from a dark alley and says Boo! but the definitive, absolute absence of hope, the absence of any sort of expectations from life. What is left to do in this sort of situation? Sit back and watch the freak show from the sidelines.
And, yes, Thomas Ligotti is freakishly good at what he’s doing.
I was traveling through the mountains with only bottomless gorges on either side of the train tracks and an infinite sky above. In those moments, which were eternal I assure you, I had no location in the universe, nothing to grasp for that minimum of security which every creature needs merely to exist without suffering from the sensation that everything is spinning ever faster on a cosmic carousel with only endless blackness at the edge of that wheeling ride.
I didn’t research the author beforehand, relying instead on vague name recognition from other people reviews. A pleasant surprise is not the correct word to use in describing the quality of Thomas Ligotti’s prose – there is nothing pleasant or uplifting in these stories – but comparisons to the memorable vision of classic Lovecraftian horror or to carefully worded phrases from the pen of Ray Bradbury accompanied me on my journey through the the most obscure and idiosyncratic nightmares . Ligotti always presents his stories in a first person narration, as someone who has had direct experience of these desperate, soul draining emotions.
Long before I suspected the existence of the town near the northern border, I believe that I was in some way already an inhabitant of that remote and desolate place.
A graveyard on a hilltop near a ghost town, a massive factory built without any doors or windows, a workshop where semi-indentured and heavily medicated drone workers repeat the same obscure task for years, an empty mansion in the middle of nowhere, dingy and poorly lit coffee-shops where nighthawks try to drown their insomnias, a guest-house that doubles as a bordello yet is avoided by all the local people – the list of locations for the stories in the collection is varied yet congruent with the perspective of that first person narrator that always remains nameless, yet always struggles with the same nihilistic worldview.
Sometimes, when I was sitting in the Crimson Cabaret on a rainy night, I thought of myself as occupying a waiting room for the abyss (which of course was exactly what I was doing) and between sips from my glass of wine or cup of coffee I smiled sadly and touched the front pocket of my coat where I kept my imaginary ticket to oblivion.
This is why I have no intentions of speaking about any story in particular, or about any plot device. The episodes merge together as you advance into this silent and secluded world where one existed in a state of abject hypnosis where grotesque discontinuities in the order of things are the business as usual fare that true existential nightmares are made of.
Yes, Ligotti is a stylist who knows how to use repetitions of a given theme and careful underlining of key phrases to get his point across. Even his use of a narrator who as often as not is an artist, a writer of nihilistic prose by his own admission, allows for a metafictional approach that grants the author the power to do a running commentary on how and why he chooses to tell a story in a particular manner.
Even I, a writer of nihilistic prose works, savored the inconsistency and the flamboyant absurdity of what was told to me across a table in a quiet library or a noisy club. In a word, I delighted in the ‘unreality’ of the Teatro stories. The truth they carried, if any, was immaterial.
I was perversively proud to note that a degree of philosophical maturity had now developed among those in the artistic underworld of which I was a part. There is nothing like fear to complicate one’s consciousness, inducing previously unknown levels of reflection. Under such stress I began to organize my own thoughts and observations about the Teatro.
The true power of these tales is not in the style, but in the disturbing feeling of recognition they will conjure in the reader. I don’t believe there’s anybody who hasn’t experienced a sleepless night over questions about self and meaning. Most of us deal with these questions by denial and by submerging ourselves in life, in sunshine and in companionship. It takes a stronger will to embrace the darkness and follow the path of nightmares into the nothingness, deeper into that landscape where vanishing winds snatched me up into the void of an ultimate hibernation. . Most artists search for meaning or for the light of reason. Ligotti sees more merit in the voice of madness, for instance, [that]is barely a whisper in the babbling history of art because its realities are themselves too maddening to speak of for very long.
[I saw he named Thomas Bernhardt, Emil Cioran, Vladimir Nabokov, Samuel Beckett and Franz Kafka as his influences]
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‘All of the myths of mankind are nothing but show business,’ the other man said to me during our initial meeting. ‘Everything that we supposedly live by and supposedly die by – whether it’s religious scriptures or makeshift slogans – all of it is show business. The rise and fall of empires – show business. Science, philosophy, all of the disciplines under the sun, and even the sun itself, as well as all those other clumps of matter wobbling about in the blackness up there – ‘ he said to me, pointing out the window beside the coffee-shop booth in which we sat, ‘show business, show business, show business.’
‘What about dreams?’ I asked.
Teatro Grottesco aspires to the removal of the comforting scriptures and slogans that we use in order to deny the darkness that lies beneath every human endeavour. The Teatro is the intrusion of malevolent chaos into the ordinary lives of damaged and diseased people and/or artists and offers deliriously preposterous events as a catalyst for philosophical maturity, for accepting the inevitable doom of existence. Ligotti makes us hear the voice of the abyss, calling us to join the shadow, the darkness. There is no past, no future in his universe, only a dreary, empty landscape visited randomly by malignant circus figures that laugh at our pitiful lives. Or a secret, distant, crushing presence that waits patiently for the inevitable collapse of our sanity.
Then the ringing stopped, although no voice came on the line. ‘Hello,’ I said. But all I could hear was an indistinct, though highly reverberant, noise – a low roaring sound that alternately faded and swelled as if it were echoing through vast spaces deep within the caverns of the earth or across a clouded sky. This noise, this low and bestial roaring, affected me with a dread I could not name.
The pervasive, sustained nihilism of the worldview espoused by the artist/narrator is undeniable, reiterated in page after page of confessions from the edge of reason [ I was tired and felt the ache of every broken dream I had ever carried within me. ] This in turn raises the question of what’s the point of striving for artistic expression in this world of woe? Who cares when nothing matters, nobody can be saved and we are only bodies without the illusion of minds or imaginations, bodies without the distractions of souls or selves ? Why not do what the narrator usually does and go to a cool and quiet little place where you can wait undisturbed for the apocalypse?
What does it mean to be alive except to court disaster and suffering at every moment? For every diversion, for every thrill our born nature requires in this carnival world, even to the point of apocalypse, there are risks to be taken. No one is safe, not even art-magicians or esoteric scientists, who are the most deluded among us because they are the most tempted by amusement of an uncanny and unnatural kind, fumbling as any artist or scientist does with the inherent chaos of things.
The answer is not as readily available as the presentation of nightmares in the stories, but I believe the order in which they were included in the collection is not random. I believe the last ones that deal exactly with this question of the artist and the futility of his or her efforts are the attempt by Ligotti to come up with a valid answer.
I wanted to believe that this artist had escaped the dreams and demons of all sentiment in order to explore the foul and crummy delights of a universe where everything had been reduced to three stark principles: first, that there was nowhere for you to go; second, that there was nothing for you to do; and third, that there was no one for you to know.
‘Nevertheless, I would like to continue speaking. Even if this is only nonsense and dreams, I feel the need to perpetuate it all. Especially at this moment, when this pain is taking over my mind and my self. Pretty soon none of this will make any difference. No.’ he said in a dead voice. ‘It doesn’t matter now.’
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Shared pain is pain relieved, hopefully, even in a world that denies the very existence of hope as a concept. I’ve read that Thomas Ligotti is indeed speaking from experience, from having to deal with a lifelong medical condition. The fact that he managed to transform his torments into art is admirable.
I will read more from this unique storyteller, but not late at night when I’m trying to get to sleep peacefully.