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Forget Me Not: A Memoir
“ Jennifer Lowe-Anker has done an amazing job of telling the story of her life and a good part of Alex's life as well. ” Tridogdude
276 pages, Hardcover
First published May 26, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 103 reviews
March 25, 2013
From the title page on, you know you’re in the hands of a Romantic. But don’t be fooled or lulled to sleep. Jennifer Lowe-Anker has also inherited the pioneer strain, and there is a clarity, a lucidity, sometimes even a toughness to her writing that gives this book the balance it needs.
These are the bittersweet memoirs of a Bozeman, Montana based artist coming to grips with the loss of an extraordinary husband, a professional athlete who died in the mountains, leaving the love of his life and three small sons behind. I want to frame the book this way because it is better known in its celebrity context, inasmuch as the international world of high-altitude climbing produces global celebrities (and sometimes anti-heroes) on the order of Reinhold Messner or Jon Krakauer.
Alex Lowe was the kind of guy that those guys hero-worshipped. A climber’s climber. He was the Lance Armstrong of mountaineering, only taller and handsomer and happier, and he was the real deal. The only thing that fueled Lowe up a climb, besides desire matched by an amazingly fit, strong body; a focused, creative mind; and a joyful, boundless disposition...was espresso.
OK, from what I can tell, a lot of espresso.
In 1999, Lowe was among the world’s best and most experienced alpinists when he was avalanched and killed. Lowe had been on a Himalayan expedition with one of his best friends, Conrad Anker, another star athlete sponsored by The North Face to lead trips and tackle first ascents for National Geographic and others. Anker survived the slide. Grief-stricken, he flew to Montana to comfort his friend’s family.
In the tragic aftermath, with Anker grieving as much as the widowed Jennifer and her three fatherless children, the two adults fell in love. Whether and how to act on those feelings were palpable dilemmas for both. This matchup posed known dangers for Jennifer. In moving in with Jennifer, as a father figure who had survived the avalanche that killed the boy's father, Conrad would be shouldering the responsibility of a lifetime. Jennifer relates with equal doses of wonder and realism how a new family was born. Jennifer and Conrad married; Conrad adopted Alex’s sons and went on to equal, if perhaps never to eclipse, the feats of strength, artistry and spirit on the highest peaks of the world’s wildest places that were the hallmarks of Alex Lowe’s career.
If the book lacks anything, it is suspense. All these facts are known by the reader before turning to the first page of the memoir.
Lowe-Anker, who is not a professional climber, writes as well as any other mountaineer, historian or biographer. This book holds its own in that genre, one I’ve steeped myself in. But it really stands out as that rare bird: an honest account by a female American artist who is also a mother. We follow the author as her desires crystallize; as she makes far-reaching choices about how to live her life; as she experiences the joys and anxieties that resulted, the burdens, the isolation and ultimately the tragic loss she must have foreseen. Loss that might have shattered her to the core and silenced her creative voice. Instead, she found what it takes to keep to keep painting. And to keep loving.
Jennifer Lowe-Anker paints folktales, fantasies and dreamlike reveries, often set against majestic backdrops in the natural world, in a style much like Marc Chagall’s. Like Chagall, the work of Lowe-Anker reveals the painter deeply rooted in her community, anchored in local culture, equally inspired by the great mystery of spirituality as by the risk-taker’s determination to look death in the face. She sells prints of her paintings to benefit the charities she and others have set up in Alex Lowe’s memory, and I have a couple of those hanging, framed in cowhide, in my own house. One, in particular, often reminds me of Chagall’s wonderful early painting, The Circus Horse. Like a Marc Chagall of the American West, Jennifer Lowe-Anker paints lucid dreams, and she’s given us one of her best in Forget Me Not.
These are the bittersweet memoirs of a Bozeman, Montana based artist coming to grips with the loss of an extraordinary husband, a professional athlete who died in the mountains, leaving the love of his life and three small sons behind. I want to frame the book this way because it is better known in its celebrity context, inasmuch as the international world of high-altitude climbing produces global celebrities (and sometimes anti-heroes) on the order of Reinhold Messner or Jon Krakauer.
Alex Lowe was the kind of guy that those guys hero-worshipped. A climber’s climber. He was the Lance Armstrong of mountaineering, only taller and handsomer and happier, and he was the real deal. The only thing that fueled Lowe up a climb, besides desire matched by an amazingly fit, strong body; a focused, creative mind; and a joyful, boundless disposition...was espresso.
OK, from what I can tell, a lot of espresso.
In 1999, Lowe was among the world’s best and most experienced alpinists when he was avalanched and killed. Lowe had been on a Himalayan expedition with one of his best friends, Conrad Anker, another star athlete sponsored by The North Face to lead trips and tackle first ascents for National Geographic and others. Anker survived the slide. Grief-stricken, he flew to Montana to comfort his friend’s family.
In the tragic aftermath, with Anker grieving as much as the widowed Jennifer and her three fatherless children, the two adults fell in love. Whether and how to act on those feelings were palpable dilemmas for both. This matchup posed known dangers for Jennifer. In moving in with Jennifer, as a father figure who had survived the avalanche that killed the boy's father, Conrad would be shouldering the responsibility of a lifetime. Jennifer relates with equal doses of wonder and realism how a new family was born. Jennifer and Conrad married; Conrad adopted Alex’s sons and went on to equal, if perhaps never to eclipse, the feats of strength, artistry and spirit on the highest peaks of the world’s wildest places that were the hallmarks of Alex Lowe’s career.
If the book lacks anything, it is suspense. All these facts are known by the reader before turning to the first page of the memoir.
Lowe-Anker, who is not a professional climber, writes as well as any other mountaineer, historian or biographer. This book holds its own in that genre, one I’ve steeped myself in. But it really stands out as that rare bird: an honest account by a female American artist who is also a mother. We follow the author as her desires crystallize; as she makes far-reaching choices about how to live her life; as she experiences the joys and anxieties that resulted, the burdens, the isolation and ultimately the tragic loss she must have foreseen. Loss that might have shattered her to the core and silenced her creative voice. Instead, she found what it takes to keep to keep painting. And to keep loving.
Jennifer Lowe-Anker paints folktales, fantasies and dreamlike reveries, often set against majestic backdrops in the natural world, in a style much like Marc Chagall’s. Like Chagall, the work of Lowe-Anker reveals the painter deeply rooted in her community, anchored in local culture, equally inspired by the great mystery of spirituality as by the risk-taker’s determination to look death in the face. She sells prints of her paintings to benefit the charities she and others have set up in Alex Lowe’s memory, and I have a couple of those hanging, framed in cowhide, in my own house. One, in particular, often reminds me of Chagall’s wonderful early painting, The Circus Horse. Like a Marc Chagall of the American West, Jennifer Lowe-Anker paints lucid dreams, and she’s given us one of her best in Forget Me Not.
February 19, 2013
It’s been a long time since I’ve done a book review, generally I find the process unsatisfying, like writing a term paper in college. So I guess this is more of a contemplation on Forget Me Not, a book I enjoyed immensely, and one that truly moved me.
The book begins like a small campfire, inviting but not overwhelming. Then eventually it grows into something blazing, which fixated me, and I was unable to step away from it. It is her story of love with the late, great climber Alex Lowe, their journeys in climbing and raising a family, and his tragic death in an avalanche in the Himalaya. Following this is a great mourning, and the tale of the new love that was borne with her current husband, and world class climber himself, Conrad Anker, who was with Alex Lowe when he died. Conrad and Alex were also best friends.
Alex and Jennifer’s first days of love were probably somewhat similar to many climbing couples, yet vastly different than most young lovers. They travelled the world together, visiting various climbing locales in the United States and abroad. They climbed together, and suffered the woes of travelling as well. One of Jennifer’s greatest skills as a writer is her brutal honestly, while she graces Forget Me Not with beautiful prose, her honest words sink deep into the reader’s psyche.
She writes of Alex’s legendary drive for climbing, boundless energy, and pure enthusiasm, while also reflecting on his moodiness and gloom when he could not expend that energy. She writes of the joys of life, and the sorrow of death; both which Jennifer has fully experienced in her own existence. Interesting in its own right, is Jennifer’s path towards becoming an artist; she is a talented painter, and her work graces the cover of the book.
In these pages are the journeys we all experience as humans, but especially climbers who want to have it all, the freedom of travel and climbing, as well as the foundation of a home and a family. There are lessons to be learned in Forget Me Not that climbers and non-climbers alike won’t easily forget.
Eventually Jennifer’s own climbing is halted with Motherhood, and she no longer has the drive to take risks on major climbs. Alex, however, continued to explore the world as a guide and professional climber, to Yosemite, Denali, K2, Everest, Antarctica, the Himalaya, Baffin Island, the Great Trango Tower, Kyrgyzstan and beyond, all while Jennifer took care of their three sons, Max, Sam and Isaac.
One part of this book that made it especially enjoyable is Jennifer’s use of Alex’s various letters he would write her, words of love when they were close and afar. If Alex would have lived long enough to getting around to writing a book it would have been beautiful and intriguing; he was someone who had a way with words. Reading his words reminds me of the importance of telling someone you love them in print. Thank you for that Alex Lowe.
There are many other elements of Forget Me Not that make this book worth reading: Jennifer’s trust in her intuitive sense, her ability to put the frailty of life in words, reflection on the first days where the internet and climbing came together, and a Mother’s thoughts on risk and climbing.
Eventually the book goes to a very sad place, we as a reader know it’s coming, and the way Jennifer writes made my entire psyche fixated in the pages of Forget Me Not. I absolutely could not put it down, surely the measure of a great book. I was relieved to read about the love she found with her current husband, Conrad Anker, and the love they share as a family with Max, Sam and Isaac. She writes beautifully near the end of the book, “it is love that seems to soothe the anguish wrought by love lost.”
It’s been two days since I was engulfed in the final pages of Forget Me Not. That night left me feeling sad. The next morning though, I awoke, to the sun, another beginning, and a more enhanced realization of the preciousness of life. Forget Me Not is truly unforgettable.
The book begins like a small campfire, inviting but not overwhelming. Then eventually it grows into something blazing, which fixated me, and I was unable to step away from it. It is her story of love with the late, great climber Alex Lowe, their journeys in climbing and raising a family, and his tragic death in an avalanche in the Himalaya. Following this is a great mourning, and the tale of the new love that was borne with her current husband, and world class climber himself, Conrad Anker, who was with Alex Lowe when he died. Conrad and Alex were also best friends.
Alex and Jennifer’s first days of love were probably somewhat similar to many climbing couples, yet vastly different than most young lovers. They travelled the world together, visiting various climbing locales in the United States and abroad. They climbed together, and suffered the woes of travelling as well. One of Jennifer’s greatest skills as a writer is her brutal honestly, while she graces Forget Me Not with beautiful prose, her honest words sink deep into the reader’s psyche.
She writes of Alex’s legendary drive for climbing, boundless energy, and pure enthusiasm, while also reflecting on his moodiness and gloom when he could not expend that energy. She writes of the joys of life, and the sorrow of death; both which Jennifer has fully experienced in her own existence. Interesting in its own right, is Jennifer’s path towards becoming an artist; she is a talented painter, and her work graces the cover of the book.
In these pages are the journeys we all experience as humans, but especially climbers who want to have it all, the freedom of travel and climbing, as well as the foundation of a home and a family. There are lessons to be learned in Forget Me Not that climbers and non-climbers alike won’t easily forget.
Eventually Jennifer’s own climbing is halted with Motherhood, and she no longer has the drive to take risks on major climbs. Alex, however, continued to explore the world as a guide and professional climber, to Yosemite, Denali, K2, Everest, Antarctica, the Himalaya, Baffin Island, the Great Trango Tower, Kyrgyzstan and beyond, all while Jennifer took care of their three sons, Max, Sam and Isaac.
One part of this book that made it especially enjoyable is Jennifer’s use of Alex’s various letters he would write her, words of love when they were close and afar. If Alex would have lived long enough to getting around to writing a book it would have been beautiful and intriguing; he was someone who had a way with words. Reading his words reminds me of the importance of telling someone you love them in print. Thank you for that Alex Lowe.
There are many other elements of Forget Me Not that make this book worth reading: Jennifer’s trust in her intuitive sense, her ability to put the frailty of life in words, reflection on the first days where the internet and climbing came together, and a Mother’s thoughts on risk and climbing.
Eventually the book goes to a very sad place, we as a reader know it’s coming, and the way Jennifer writes made my entire psyche fixated in the pages of Forget Me Not. I absolutely could not put it down, surely the measure of a great book. I was relieved to read about the love she found with her current husband, Conrad Anker, and the love they share as a family with Max, Sam and Isaac. She writes beautifully near the end of the book, “it is love that seems to soothe the anguish wrought by love lost.”
It’s been two days since I was engulfed in the final pages of Forget Me Not. That night left me feeling sad. The next morning though, I awoke, to the sun, another beginning, and a more enhanced realization of the preciousness of life. Forget Me Not is truly unforgettable.
April 17, 2023
a beautiful tale of a relationship cut short by a mountain tragedy. after losing my own love to a climb two yrs ago I decided to read this to work through some feelings and it delivered. I felt seen in a lot of the memories Jenni recalled. her Alex and my Jared are cut from the same cloth and perhaps are climbing together in the afterlife. her story with Conrad is helpful as well. a gentle reminder that life continues after death. we must continue to open our hearts and feel comfort when we need it. i was saddened she didn't mention Alex in her acknowledgements although I suppose their love was apparent. overall, beautiful read. I felt like it dropped off a bit in the last two chapters, but I am grateful for Jenni's vulnerability in writing a book like this. it is very helpful for mountain widows 🤍
January 19, 2014
This memoir by Jennifer Lowe-Anker is a tribute to her late husband, Alex Lowe, considered by many to be one of the best climbers in the world at the time of his death. This is a love story and Jennifer shares their blossoming relationship, marriage, and family life with three sons in great detail. I couldn't help thinking what a wonderful gift this book is to her children. A climber herself, she understands her husband's deep need to push himself in the outdoors, but while motherhood calmed those urgings in herself, Alex was forever caught between his passion for the mountains and his deep love and loyalty to his family. While those on the outside may never understand this lifestyle, Jennifer shows what it means to love someone as they are, although she certainly wasn't always happy that he frequently spent months away from home. When Alex is lost in an avalanche on Shishapangma in 1999, she holds nothing back in sharing her grief, but also the healing. Her involvement with Conrad Anker, Alex's best friend and also a world-renowned climber, is also addressed. She and Conrad would marry and he would help raise Alex's sons. Perhaps only together could the two of them heal their grief over losing a man they both loved so much. I'm indebted to Ms. Lowe-Anker for sharing the stories of her life with Alex. His was a unique spirit, gone too soon.
January 30, 2020
It's been a while since I couldn't put a book down, but this one took up two back-to-back evenings and I'm still thinking about it. I discovered Jenni Lowe-Anker after I watched the documentary Meru, about her third husband Conrad's ascent of a highly technical and previously unsummited Himalayan peak. This book details her marriage to her second husband Alex Lowe, his climbing career, the start of their family, and his tragic death in an avalanche. That alone is a compelling plot, especially if you've been inspired by Alex Lowe's mountaineering feats. But what makes this book really compelling is Jenni's detailed, lovely writing style. She clearly draws on carefully kept journals and letters, and this allows her to provide some really precise, immediate memories and descriptions of events. The way she describes the Tetons and Dolomites and Alps and the other places she climbed and lived with Alex have an artist and naturalist's flair and will make you long to live a similarly wild and authentic life.
January 26, 2012
I liked this a lot. The author writes of her life with her husband, Alex Lowe, an amazing world-class ice and mountain climber. She herself was a skilled amateur climber, although she climbed much less as their three sons came along. This is a fascinating look at the life of someone who continually challenges himself, and the choices that must be made to support this lifestyle. Much of the story is told through Alex's letters to his wife and children, whom he clearly loved. Unfortunately, Alex was killed in an avalanche when their youngest son was three. Jenni lets the reader see and feel her grief (I shed a few tears), and her surprise as a romantic relationship develops with Alex's best friend, Conrad Anker. They have their grief and love of Alex in common, and Conrad soon bonds with the boys also. It was heart-warming to read.
June 3, 2019
This is a bitter sweet memoir of Jennifer Lowe-Anker's life with her professional mountain climber husband. Living in the west, loving the mountains and having been in so many places where this book takes you, I loved this book. It is well written and takes you through happiness and the fear and tragedy of loss.
June 8, 2008
I devoured this book. I really enjoyed it, and would recommend it to anyone. It was a nice read, and it surprisingly did not make me cry as much as I was afraid it would. Very interesting, touching story.
June 25, 2009
Heart-felt. Well-written. Sad, but also life-affirming.
February 7, 2013
7th book read in 2013.
Number 210 out of 299 on my all time book list.
Follow the link below to see my video review:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cljnl_...
Number 210 out of 299 on my all time book list.
Follow the link below to see my video review:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cljnl_...
June 18, 2022
Jennifer Lowe-Anker has crafted a surprising book: surprising because you can tell that she's not a writer by trade - and yet, while the language sometimes turns a little stale, she's in some ways created a book that far surpasses what published authors do. In all, this was a lovely memoir, poignant and plain-spoken, and carried something like a luminous sweetness that's hard to describe.
Rating memoirs is hard, especially ones that deal with grief; it feels disrespectful to slap something starred atop someone's poured-out emotions. I read this book around the time I watched Free Solo and Meru, as well as read Into Thin Air and Conrad Anker's The Lost Explorer. I think this background knowledge really helped me appreciate this book, and would recommend any other reader do the same. By the same token, if you're big especially into reading about mountaineering, I'd recommend this book very highly.
As a reader, I felt strangely honored by Lowe-Anker's candor in so many respects, especially as she narrated when she first met and fell in love with Alex Lowe; on the other hand, I was a little surprised by some of the narrative obscurity towards the end of the book. Maybe this is expected, though: it's easier to speak candidly about the distant past, less so about what's closer. And despite this contradiction, I still felt that her narrative voice was unusually trusting in her readers, and all the lovelier for this.
I felt that Lowe-Anker's narrative voice was one of the book's great strengths; the other was her artist's eye for description. At points that her language seemed a little strained, but when it came time to describe natural scenery especially, I felt, again, that she'd taken me completely by surprise and surpassed what most writers could even begin to do. She has an artist's ability to really see something, and she's translated it for us, allowing readers to see what she sees, in all its color and movement and fragility.
This book is in some ways a great counterbalance to the hard-hitting, snow-blustering, life-on-the-edge titles that make up the mountaineering/adventuring literary genre - or at least, the impression the reading public (and corporate public, who just loves a good alpine analogy for success) gets of the industry and genre. After all, Jenni Lowe-Anker's experience is exactly the other half of what happens in something like Into Thin Air: there are the dead climbers, yes, and then there are their families left behind, who are sometimes flatly, mutely rendered, left without voice in narratives that prize the blizzard outdoors to the one inflicted on the "homefront".
I'm glad I read this book, not just for its lovely writing and thoughtful narrative, but also for the quiet memory of its resilience. There's a little bit of peace it leaves in its wake, and I think it's all the more impressive for being so soft-footed.
Rating memoirs is hard, especially ones that deal with grief; it feels disrespectful to slap something starred atop someone's poured-out emotions. I read this book around the time I watched Free Solo and Meru, as well as read Into Thin Air and Conrad Anker's The Lost Explorer. I think this background knowledge really helped me appreciate this book, and would recommend any other reader do the same. By the same token, if you're big especially into reading about mountaineering, I'd recommend this book very highly.
As a reader, I felt strangely honored by Lowe-Anker's candor in so many respects, especially as she narrated when she first met and fell in love with Alex Lowe; on the other hand, I was a little surprised by some of the narrative obscurity towards the end of the book. Maybe this is expected, though: it's easier to speak candidly about the distant past, less so about what's closer. And despite this contradiction, I still felt that her narrative voice was unusually trusting in her readers, and all the lovelier for this.
I felt that Lowe-Anker's narrative voice was one of the book's great strengths; the other was her artist's eye for description. At points that her language seemed a little strained, but when it came time to describe natural scenery especially, I felt, again, that she'd taken me completely by surprise and surpassed what most writers could even begin to do. She has an artist's ability to really see something, and she's translated it for us, allowing readers to see what she sees, in all its color and movement and fragility.
This book is in some ways a great counterbalance to the hard-hitting, snow-blustering, life-on-the-edge titles that make up the mountaineering/adventuring literary genre - or at least, the impression the reading public (and corporate public, who just loves a good alpine analogy for success) gets of the industry and genre. After all, Jenni Lowe-Anker's experience is exactly the other half of what happens in something like Into Thin Air: there are the dead climbers, yes, and then there are their families left behind, who are sometimes flatly, mutely rendered, left without voice in narratives that prize the blizzard outdoors to the one inflicted on the "homefront".
I'm glad I read this book, not just for its lovely writing and thoughtful narrative, but also for the quiet memory of its resilience. There's a little bit of peace it leaves in its wake, and I think it's all the more impressive for being so soft-footed.
November 15, 2024
After reading an Alpinist Mountain Profile on Hyalte Canyon and explaining Alex Lowes’ connection, I was surprised how little Jennifer Lowe-Anker wrote about it. I took away from that profile that the icy crag south of Bozeman, Montana was immensely impactful on Alex Lowe, but when I read Forget Me Not: A Memoir by Jennifer Lowe-Anker, his widow, there was more, much more about the Tetons in Wyoming.
That was the only notable surprise in her 2010 book, because I knew the story. Most climbers who have been around or seen Max Lowe’s film Torn, knows the story. Alex Lowe enchanted everyone he met, including his wife, Jen, climbed hard, had three boys, and in 1999 went to climb and ski the Tibetan side of Shishapangma with David Bridges, Conrad Anker, Mark Holbrook, Kris Erickson, Hans Saari and Andrew McLean. Everyone went home except Lowe and Bridges, who were swept away in an avalanche. Anker married Jen, and Anker continued to climb and Jen rose to a revered figure among the climbing community. Yet, reading it, I still held my breath for the emotional strikes and gentle nudges of the hardness of life.
Lowe-Anker begins by explaining that she knew a book would have to be written about Alex, but she didn’t anticipate it would be a memoir like this. At the end of the book, she has a conversation with Reinhold Messner, who warns her that one day Alex will melt out of the glacier. Alex and Bridges were found in 2016. Everything in between was Lowe-Anker, the climber, the mother, the romantic, and the artist.
The language takes the reading experience higher than a memoir of life with her late husband. Lowe-Anker makes a realization about life with Alex, who can’t stay still for very long, and she visits the Louvre in Paris and has a delightful one-on-one with Mona Lisa, woman to woman, or rather the portrait. They bought a home, which they didn’t live in very long, on Guide’s Hill in Jackson, Wyoming, and describes their neighborhood more through their boys’ lives. And nearly everywhere she goes in the story, she observes the flowers around her, like the blue alpine forget me not.
Alex contributes his own words in Forget Me Not. Lowe-Anker includes volumes of letters Alex wrote her and her boys. Alex was frequently traveling away from home to climb for recreation and professionally, and increasingly professionally after they had kids. He wrote love letters and descriptions of what he did or saw, all with his audience, Jennifer Lowe or one of his sons, in mind.
I didn’t know Alex or follow his climbs, I sort of knew the immediate aftermath and I know Conrad’s story best, since I actively started following climbing news around 1999. This book seems to have caught me up on what everyone loved and admired about Alex. Perhaps the most valuable part of Forget Me Not is the insight Lowe-Anker gives into the psychology of Alex and what drove him. I won’t get into it here, because her words are far superior, but Alex had to be constantly in motion. He had goals and ambitions and had to feel he was working towards them; even climbing with Jen, while good, was lowering his standard, and he would grow unsettled and grumpy. Lowe-Anker said at the core of Alex was the demanding expectations of his father he might never meet.
What I didn’t like about the book was that I knew the core of the story and I was always bracing myself. It’s sad. And it’s beautiful. It actually made me appreciate the precious time with my own family a bit more. Actually a lot more. In fact, I became more grateful and expressing that became easier, even in our hurried lives with two kids in a lot of places to go. (Thanks for writing this book for that, Ms. Lowe-Anker.)
Forget Me Not discusses climbing, and I loved it for the window into their climbing life and community out West, but I think it is fundamentally a climbing adjacent book. It is a memoir, not a biography or an autobiography, or a chronicle of adventure and nature. It is a memoir of love despite hardness in a climbing world. I still rate it very high on my scale (which is not an Amazon book seller scale where five stars means you liked it; five has to be outstanding.)
Stars: 4 — Three stars just for the good and significant story, but Lowe-Anker’s romantic writing brings it up to four. Read it, but read it quick, and go live.
This review first appeared on THE SUBURBAN MOUNTAINEER at SuburbanMountaineer.com
That was the only notable surprise in her 2010 book, because I knew the story. Most climbers who have been around or seen Max Lowe’s film Torn, knows the story. Alex Lowe enchanted everyone he met, including his wife, Jen, climbed hard, had three boys, and in 1999 went to climb and ski the Tibetan side of Shishapangma with David Bridges, Conrad Anker, Mark Holbrook, Kris Erickson, Hans Saari and Andrew McLean. Everyone went home except Lowe and Bridges, who were swept away in an avalanche. Anker married Jen, and Anker continued to climb and Jen rose to a revered figure among the climbing community. Yet, reading it, I still held my breath for the emotional strikes and gentle nudges of the hardness of life.
Lowe-Anker begins by explaining that she knew a book would have to be written about Alex, but she didn’t anticipate it would be a memoir like this. At the end of the book, she has a conversation with Reinhold Messner, who warns her that one day Alex will melt out of the glacier. Alex and Bridges were found in 2016. Everything in between was Lowe-Anker, the climber, the mother, the romantic, and the artist.
The language takes the reading experience higher than a memoir of life with her late husband. Lowe-Anker makes a realization about life with Alex, who can’t stay still for very long, and she visits the Louvre in Paris and has a delightful one-on-one with Mona Lisa, woman to woman, or rather the portrait. They bought a home, which they didn’t live in very long, on Guide’s Hill in Jackson, Wyoming, and describes their neighborhood more through their boys’ lives. And nearly everywhere she goes in the story, she observes the flowers around her, like the blue alpine forget me not.
Alex contributes his own words in Forget Me Not. Lowe-Anker includes volumes of letters Alex wrote her and her boys. Alex was frequently traveling away from home to climb for recreation and professionally, and increasingly professionally after they had kids. He wrote love letters and descriptions of what he did or saw, all with his audience, Jennifer Lowe or one of his sons, in mind.
I didn’t know Alex or follow his climbs, I sort of knew the immediate aftermath and I know Conrad’s story best, since I actively started following climbing news around 1999. This book seems to have caught me up on what everyone loved and admired about Alex. Perhaps the most valuable part of Forget Me Not is the insight Lowe-Anker gives into the psychology of Alex and what drove him. I won’t get into it here, because her words are far superior, but Alex had to be constantly in motion. He had goals and ambitions and had to feel he was working towards them; even climbing with Jen, while good, was lowering his standard, and he would grow unsettled and grumpy. Lowe-Anker said at the core of Alex was the demanding expectations of his father he might never meet.
What I didn’t like about the book was that I knew the core of the story and I was always bracing myself. It’s sad. And it’s beautiful. It actually made me appreciate the precious time with my own family a bit more. Actually a lot more. In fact, I became more grateful and expressing that became easier, even in our hurried lives with two kids in a lot of places to go. (Thanks for writing this book for that, Ms. Lowe-Anker.)
Forget Me Not discusses climbing, and I loved it for the window into their climbing life and community out West, but I think it is fundamentally a climbing adjacent book. It is a memoir, not a biography or an autobiography, or a chronicle of adventure and nature. It is a memoir of love despite hardness in a climbing world. I still rate it very high on my scale (which is not an Amazon book seller scale where five stars means you liked it; five has to be outstanding.)
Stars: 4 — Three stars just for the good and significant story, but Lowe-Anker’s romantic writing brings it up to four. Read it, but read it quick, and go live.
This review first appeared on THE SUBURBAN MOUNTAINEER at SuburbanMountaineer.com
February 8, 2020
This is primarily a book for people who already care about Alex Lowe, Conrad Anker, and the climbing community. The story, while objectively sad – Alex Lowe, much-loved hero of the climbing world, husband, and father, dies in an avalanche and his family must find a way to continue without him – is narrated in a pretty emotionally bland way. If you aren’t a climber or connected to the characters, the book comes across as a bit, “Huh. That’s interesting/regrettable,” and then you move on.
I picked up this book because I was curious about the relationship dynamic between Alex Lowe and his wife, Jennifer Lowe-Anker (who wrote the book). He was away from home for months at a time climbing and she primarily stayed in Montana with their kids; yet, by all accounts, they had a remarkably strong marriage and supported one another despite drastically different lives. How did they make they work? It seemed an exemplary model for an age where more and more of might want things that take us to very different parts of the world than our partners. Unfortunately – and I think this comes back to the quality of the writing – there wasn’t much self-reflection in this story. It was a lot of, “this happened, then this happened, then this happened.” While I can observe the sequence of events and reflect on it myself (and it’s not inherently bad to make a reader work), the narration didn’t give me the author’s thoughts on any of this. My takeaway is, their marriage happened to work because Jennifer also loved outdoor adventure and rock climbing when she was young and then had high tolerance for months away from Alex, i.e., it was sheer dumb luck that they fit together so well. A few times, particularly when she was falling in love with Conrad after the death of Alex, she almost got the narration to a place where she was reflecting on the “why,” but never quite did. When the book is a memoir, and the very content is your life, this makes it challenging to engage.
One part that stood out to me is the account of the first expedition Alex went on when they were expected to regularly post to a website and blog about their adventures. The presence of this technology – allowing the outside world to watch –devastated the dynamic of the group. Rather than focusing on climbing, there was jealousy and constant tension: who was getting the most photos of themselves posted, who was getting credit for leading or summitting. The dynamics of presenting their trip to the outside world (a necessary for sponsorship), rather than focusing on the core purpose of climbing itself, took away much of the joy of wilderness and nature and instead made it about performance and “me” culture. And this was only a basic website – think today of Instagram, YouTube, Vlogs, and the constant fight for social media attention to fund outdoor adventures.
[Dewey Decimal Challenge: 920 - Biography, genealogy, insignia]
I picked up this book because I was curious about the relationship dynamic between Alex Lowe and his wife, Jennifer Lowe-Anker (who wrote the book). He was away from home for months at a time climbing and she primarily stayed in Montana with their kids; yet, by all accounts, they had a remarkably strong marriage and supported one another despite drastically different lives. How did they make they work? It seemed an exemplary model for an age where more and more of might want things that take us to very different parts of the world than our partners. Unfortunately – and I think this comes back to the quality of the writing – there wasn’t much self-reflection in this story. It was a lot of, “this happened, then this happened, then this happened.” While I can observe the sequence of events and reflect on it myself (and it’s not inherently bad to make a reader work), the narration didn’t give me the author’s thoughts on any of this. My takeaway is, their marriage happened to work because Jennifer also loved outdoor adventure and rock climbing when she was young and then had high tolerance for months away from Alex, i.e., it was sheer dumb luck that they fit together so well. A few times, particularly when she was falling in love with Conrad after the death of Alex, she almost got the narration to a place where she was reflecting on the “why,” but never quite did. When the book is a memoir, and the very content is your life, this makes it challenging to engage.
One part that stood out to me is the account of the first expedition Alex went on when they were expected to regularly post to a website and blog about their adventures. The presence of this technology – allowing the outside world to watch –devastated the dynamic of the group. Rather than focusing on climbing, there was jealousy and constant tension: who was getting the most photos of themselves posted, who was getting credit for leading or summitting. The dynamics of presenting their trip to the outside world (a necessary for sponsorship), rather than focusing on the core purpose of climbing itself, took away much of the joy of wilderness and nature and instead made it about performance and “me” culture. And this was only a basic website – think today of Instagram, YouTube, Vlogs, and the constant fight for social media attention to fund outdoor adventures.
[Dewey Decimal Challenge: 920 - Biography, genealogy, insignia]
June 21, 2019
Jennifer Lowe-Anker’s memoir is an understated achievement. The humility and vulnerability expressed on the pages are life affirming and quite familiar. However her story is far from ordinary. She tells the tale of her husband, Alex Lowe, an extraordinary climber and mountaineer who tragically died in an avalanche. Lowe’s subsequent kinship with Alex’s close friend, and fellow climber who survived the avalanche, Conrad Anker, ultimately resulted in their marriage. It’s a tale of love, parenthood, familial bonds, honor, integrity, struggle, tragedy and the selfishness and selflessness that are inherent in the climbing ethos. Above all, Jenny’s humility shines through in her remarkable ability to honor, respect and praise the people in her life. In the end, I feel she is the biggest hero here, even though she somehow manages to take a backseat and paint everyone else as larger than life. She downplays her own abilities and talents, yet she appears to hold the resume of one hell of an accomplished climber as well as a talented and successful artist with a penchant for whimsical inspiration. She has been connected with so many talented individuals throughout her life, yet the one constant is Jenny herself. I believe she is the inspiration that has helped to propel so many around her to live their dreams.
January 6, 2018
The book is organized well and since I enjoy memoirs, I appreciated the book. I also like books about mountain climbing, not that I'd ever do what these people do. I've read a lot of books about climbing. One observation was just how many people die in climbing accidents. Her first husband seems to be a very strong athlete and how random that he ran one way in the avalanche and the two that ran the other way survived.
In all these books, there is a real admiration or obsession or something about Eastern religions. Seems like to be a serious climber you have to jump into that world of faith.
It did seem fast that she entered into a relationship with her second husband, Alex's best friend. Yet, I could see the positive in it. He loved her boys and he did not just marry her as a sense of responsibility. That seems to be clear as they are still married. I saw online that one of her sons took Aker's name and he is a filmmaker, focuses on nature.
In all these books, there is a real admiration or obsession or something about Eastern religions. Seems like to be a serious climber you have to jump into that world of faith.
It did seem fast that she entered into a relationship with her second husband, Alex's best friend. Yet, I could see the positive in it. He loved her boys and he did not just marry her as a sense of responsibility. That seems to be clear as they are still married. I saw online that one of her sons took Aker's name and he is a filmmaker, focuses on nature.
January 28, 2019
Forget Me Not is a memoir written by climber Alex Lowe's wife, Jennifer. Jennifer writes about their first meeting, their growing love, their growing family and ultimately, Lowe's dedication to his life as a climber. I became interested in their story when I saw documentaries about Lowe and Conrad Anker (Lowe's best friend). Lowe was killed in an avalanche during a climbing trip with Anker that was being filmed. Lowe and the photographer ran down the mountain as the avalanche started, rather to the side as Anker did.
Lowe-Anker writes about her loneliness as Lowe climbs three-quarters of the year as she tries to maintain the family, of her support of his career (though that does waiver), and ultimately, her closeness and subsequent marriage to Anker after Lowe is killed.
Lowe-Anker can definitely write, but there is just something about her statements and anecdotes that leave me wondering if she is being truthful about her feelings. The photos in the book are a nice touch.
Lowe-Anker writes about her loneliness as Lowe climbs three-quarters of the year as she tries to maintain the family, of her support of his career (though that does waiver), and ultimately, her closeness and subsequent marriage to Anker after Lowe is killed.
Lowe-Anker can definitely write, but there is just something about her statements and anecdotes that leave me wondering if she is being truthful about her feelings. The photos in the book are a nice touch.
July 21, 2021
I picked up this book by chance - I love mountaineering and so had heard of Jenni, and Alex, and Conrad, but didn't realize Jenni had written a book until I happened across an interview with Conrad where he mentioned it. Far exceeded any expectations I had. This book is a love story, a mountaineering story, an adventure story, a family story, a grief and healing story - all rolled into one. Jenni's detailed recollections are beautiful, the letters she kept from herself and Alex are wonderful, and her open and honest reflection of living a life with a partner who was at times unbearably moody and at times so thoughtful and passionate was stunning. I recommend it to anyone who has lost someone they love, anyone who is partnered with someone who needs the mountains like they need air to breathe, anyone who is looking for a beautiful memoir.
December 29, 2021
What a rollercoaster of events? When what you love doing takes away your life and those you leave behind have to survive and pull through. Alex Lowe death was caused by an Avalanche, a dream that his wife Jen had had a day before the trip. One of the most famous climbers back then, Alex really put mountaineering out there. He accomplished a lot and after his death, Jen tries keeping all the memories, tracing his steps and fills in the gap for her 3 sons.
It is a sad book but Jen makes Alex's memoir one that every hiker should grab. I'm so proud of Jen, for her zeal to overcome loss even after she loses other climbers to mountains or when her mother and sister succumb to cancer.
Jen makes the most out of life and finds love in Conrad, Alex's best friend and fellow climber.
It is a sad book but Jen makes Alex's memoir one that every hiker should grab. I'm so proud of Jen, for her zeal to overcome loss even after she loses other climbers to mountains or when her mother and sister succumb to cancer.
Jen makes the most out of life and finds love in Conrad, Alex's best friend and fellow climber.
September 15, 2017
Riveting and heart breaking. I felt myself identifying with the author due to her style of writing and because of her husband's letters. The title is particularly apt due to the author's love of that flower, and her husband's often gifting her with them, even to giving her a ring that resembled a forget me not.
My heart went out to her and her sons as the inevitable death (in the book) was approaching. At the same time I sensed what it would be like to be married to a person so absorbed in a dangerous sport/hobby.
The author handled her life's lot with grace and character, perhaps not always and every time, but enough to be impressive.
My heart went out to her and her sons as the inevitable death (in the book) was approaching. At the same time I sensed what it would be like to be married to a person so absorbed in a dangerous sport/hobby.
The author handled her life's lot with grace and character, perhaps not always and every time, but enough to be impressive.
May 11, 2020
Jennifer Lowe-Anker’s memoir is a beautiful story of love, resilience, and new beginnings.
Mrs. Lowe-Anker first tells the story of her adventurous youth by the side of her first love, climbing superstar Alex Lowe.
Unfortunately, Mr. Lowe perished on an expedition to Shishapangma. His longtime climbing partner Conrad Anker broke her the news. He also helped her through her grief. Unexpectedly, the two fell in love, and the story of their life together forms the second part of this volume.
The book offers a rare window onto the life of a high altitude mountaineer’s spouse, and of the devastation felt by those left behind...and, ultimately, of their inspiring ability to love again.
Mrs. Lowe-Anker first tells the story of her adventurous youth by the side of her first love, climbing superstar Alex Lowe.
Unfortunately, Mr. Lowe perished on an expedition to Shishapangma. His longtime climbing partner Conrad Anker broke her the news. He also helped her through her grief. Unexpectedly, the two fell in love, and the story of their life together forms the second part of this volume.
The book offers a rare window onto the life of a high altitude mountaineer’s spouse, and of the devastation felt by those left behind...and, ultimately, of their inspiring ability to love again.
January 22, 2021
Very poignant and heartfelt memoir. It gave me an introduction to the human side of Alex Lowe - how he made friends everywhere he went in addition to his mountaineering feats and his love for his family and his desire to make a better life for them. I could draw some parallels to Jenni and Alex's life as a couple and then a family with our own - balancing our desire to summit those beautiful mountains all over the world and also have a very normal life at other times, our desire to provide the best for our kids yet achieve our own dreams in the outdoors.
Also I loved Jenni's narration of her life in Montana and growing up so close to nature.
This book will remain very close to my heart.
Also I loved Jenni's narration of her life in Montana and growing up so close to nature.
This book will remain very close to my heart.
June 19, 2019
The story of Alex Lowe in itself makes for an inspirational tale, but what shines in this book is the independent and free spirit of Jennifer. Her love of nature, her fierce sense of freedom, the courage with which she moves through whatever life throws at her - what an amazing woman! Her writing is luscious - you want to be lost in the romantic descriptions of the Montana mountains and wildlife.
November 15, 2024
This was a heart felt memoir. Jennifer's love for Alex was beyond compare. After his death she honored him. Even though she ends up marrying his best friend and climbing partner, she still had the best intentions of sharing Alex with their 3 boys. I know Jennifer and Conrad loved each other, but I wondered if Conrad felt it was his duty to look after Alex's sons and wife because he wasn't able to save Alex in the avalanche? Regardless I think they did a great job of honoring Alex.
April 27, 2025
A beautiful memoir of professional mountaineer Alex Lowe as written and seen from his widowed wife, Jennifer Lowe-Anker. Alex was an intense Himalayan mountain guide, ice climber, and rock climber who died in an avalanche while on expedition. His death left Jennifer alone to raise their 3 sons at a vulnerable time in their life. Jennifer finds love again in another mountaineer, Conrad Anker, she must have a type. A book of love, tragedy, and love anew.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 26, 2024
What a beautifully written book from the widow of Alex Lowe. She writes so beautifully and candidly about her late husband, herself, and her husband now. All of their stories are worth knowing as she writes from a place of great love, great loss and great emotional recovery. Quite a courageous woman who writes with such grace and inspiration.
July 9, 2017
A wonderful story of love, life and death. Alex lived life fully and loved fully as well. Written by his wife after his death in the mountains, similar to Into Thin Air. This book is for anyone who loves and appreciates the great outdoors.
September 17, 2017
Jennifer Lowe-Anker achieves what she sets out to do - painting a portrait of her late first husband, Alex Lowe, in a way that ensures who he was is captured and never forgotten. This was a fascinating and heartbreaking read that I couldn't tear myself away from.
July 13, 2020
For someone who is afraid of heights, I seem to read a lot of climbing books. 3.5 stars for this bittersweet book.
April 20, 2022
Truly one of the best (of not the best) books I’ve ever read! I cried more than 10 times reading this.
October 21, 2024
Interesting contrast with another book I’m reading- “Life Worth Living.”
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