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Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned
Could you or someone you know be married to a sociopath? The author of this book was, but it took her twenty years to figure it out. She wrote this book to make sure the same thing doesn’t happen to other people. Onna thought the classmate she married was her Prince Charming—kind, honest, loving, and intellectually vibrant—but she was wrong. That “spark” she felt wasn’t true love, it was a trap—custom designed to ensnare her. Onna’s repayment for investing twenty years into her marriage and unwittingly providing her husband with a façade of normalcy was ongoing gaslighting and chronic emotional assault, all twisted and framed so she would attribute them to her own apparent shortcomings. By the time she understood what was really happening, her emotional, physical and financial health were in peril. Why did her husband do it? Because that’s what sociopaths do. Sociopaths are far more common than most people imagine. To help others recognize the subtle warning signs that they might be in the crosshairs of a well-camouflaged sociopath, Onna shares her story while detailing the techniques her ex-husband used to control her behavior and erode her self-esteem. She also explores the psychological research regarding why such methods are so effective, why it is hard to understand what is happening while you are in the situation, why the cumulative effect is so ruinous, and, more importantly, why you must escape if you suspect you are in a similar situation. This insightful, cautionary tale is a must read for men and women alike.
- GenresPsychology
225 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 17, 2015
181 people are currently reading
198 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
October 30, 2017
I understand him now, I can let go and move on!
I've been married to my emotionally and spiritually abusive husband for 14 years, the last 8 involved him spiralling out of control with alcohol. Meth entered the scene about 4 years ago which seemed to release the monster out of the box completely. For years I've been struggling to understand the things he does and wonder if he truly loved me, going back and forth trying to make it work and trying so hard to help him. This book helped me to finally let go and realise what kind of person my husband has always been and that I need to focus on a healthy life for my kids and myself. One with out manipulation, empty promises, deception, abuse and drunkeness. My husband needs a miracle. I'm so thankful I got mine!
I've been married to my emotionally and spiritually abusive husband for 14 years, the last 8 involved him spiralling out of control with alcohol. Meth entered the scene about 4 years ago which seemed to release the monster out of the box completely. For years I've been struggling to understand the things he does and wonder if he truly loved me, going back and forth trying to make it work and trying so hard to help him. This book helped me to finally let go and realise what kind of person my husband has always been and that I need to focus on a healthy life for my kids and myself. One with out manipulation, empty promises, deception, abuse and drunkeness. My husband needs a miracle. I'm so thankful I got mine!
April 29, 2016
Read this book!
I have never written a book review before, and while some of the details in this book are different than mine, I just read about my life. Except, I was married for over 30 years, and didn't start to grasp that my ex was a narcissist until almost 3 years post-divorce. The author nails the crazy making experience of living with a sociopath perfectly. Most all of my friends and even family do not understand the evil that I lived with and endured during the marriage and divorce process. This book was healing for me...someone out there understands! Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this book
I have never written a book review before, and while some of the details in this book are different than mine, I just read about my life. Except, I was married for over 30 years, and didn't start to grasp that my ex was a narcissist until almost 3 years post-divorce. The author nails the crazy making experience of living with a sociopath perfectly. Most all of my friends and even family do not understand the evil that I lived with and endured during the marriage and divorce process. This book was healing for me...someone out there understands! Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this book
April 28, 2019
The story of this woman being married to this evil sociopath was very heartbreaking to read about how can an intelligent and successful woman be mentally, emotionally and physically trapped to a man that mistreated her for so many yrs. This memoir is truly an eye opener to be aware of the signs be very careful who you date and who you open up to. Love is truly blind, there where times I wanted to reach out inside the story and give onna a hug and him punch dead in the face
December 28, 2023
You've just got to ask yourself if these beings have read a playbook, so patterned are their behaviours & words. I have heard it time & time again from survivors, & experienced it in the wasteland of my own "fake" marriage. This book will help you to understand how you let the red flags go & how non-physical abusers manipulate you into doing so for "love" & FOG [*Fear, Obligation, Guilt].
June 21, 2016
Enthralling memoir about an Ivy-league-educated woman who was deceived into marriage with a narcissist. Well-written and horrifyingly true.
November 22, 2017
Great read
Learned quite a bit. I lived this life. Highly recommend. I shared with several friends. Will probably reread again. Healing takes time.
Learned quite a bit. I lived this life. Highly recommend. I shared with several friends. Will probably reread again. Healing takes time.
August 18, 2023
I wish we had an update on this author’s life. An absolutely compelling story.
November 2, 2021
Onna seems to have it all. A great undergrad and MBA degree and an amazing boyfriend who she met while doing her MBA. But appearances can be deceiving. Paul is not who he appears, but unfortunately, Onna only finds that out after she marries him. Two kids and 20 years later, she finally leaves -- and realizes that the man she loved was a narcissistic sociopath.
This story was eerily similar to my own. In fact, I could basically cross out Paul and put in my husband's name. I was isolated overseas while my husband did his MBA. I was unable to become a CPA because of the move. I had three children who I basically raised as a single mother because my husband refused to help. Work always came first for him... and there were always fantastic business trips. It's only years later that like Onna, I have to wonder what went on during all those trips.
Unfortunately, I could relate to Onna's pain, and it made me feel like I wasn't so alone. If a Harvard/Yale grad could be fooled, I shouldn't feel so bad that I was also deceived. It took a lot of courage for Onna to share her story.
This story was eerily similar to my own. In fact, I could basically cross out Paul and put in my husband's name. I was isolated overseas while my husband did his MBA. I was unable to become a CPA because of the move. I had three children who I basically raised as a single mother because my husband refused to help. Work always came first for him... and there were always fantastic business trips. It's only years later that like Onna, I have to wonder what went on during all those trips.
Unfortunately, I could relate to Onna's pain, and it made me feel like I wasn't so alone. If a Harvard/Yale grad could be fooled, I shouldn't feel so bad that I was also deceived. It took a lot of courage for Onna to share her story.
October 27, 2018
Wow
I could not put this book down. It is incredibly scary to know that sociopaths are more common than I realized. What’s even scarier is that almost every word reminded me of my sister’s ex-husband. He ate her alive, and still does. Be careful, know the signs, and read this book!!!
I could not put this book down. It is incredibly scary to know that sociopaths are more common than I realized. What’s even scarier is that almost every word reminded me of my sister’s ex-husband. He ate her alive, and still does. Be careful, know the signs, and read this book!!!
May 5, 2018
Great book
Great personal account. I've been married to a sociopath, now I have to get out. Next read, divorcing the narcissist.
Great personal account. I've been married to a sociopath, now I have to get out. Next read, divorcing the narcissist.
June 25, 2023
gréât book
A gréât book to read showing the disastrous consequences of trusting men despite red flags and many events that should have triggered caution
We all have trusted men who were narcissists or had emotional problems but the descent in this kind of Hell caused by the marriage with a sociopath is one step further down the ladder of Madness and Despair. I wish that women who trust when in love, learned to listen to their secret intuition instead of being brainwashed unto total submission by men who are evil.
A gréât book to read showing the disastrous consequences of trusting men despite red flags and many events that should have triggered caution
We all have trusted men who were narcissists or had emotional problems but the descent in this kind of Hell caused by the marriage with a sociopath is one step further down the ladder of Madness and Despair. I wish that women who trust when in love, learned to listen to their secret intuition instead of being brainwashed unto total submission by men who are evil.
July 16, 2025
So close to the situation with my ex that it was disturbing but at the same time I found it to be helpful and informative. I can relate to the parental alienation situation that happened with the author was unfortunately relatable to my situation as well but she does say that things ended up improving and that she is starting to build a relationship with the daughter she lost and that gave me hope. I’d like to say thank you to the author for bravely sharing this as I’m sure it took an incredible amount of strength to do so.
July 1, 2020
In her memorable memoir, Husband, Liar, Sociopath, author, O.N. Ward reveals what it’s like to live with and try to love a sociopath. No one else really knows what your life is like, it’s crippling mentally and emotionally. Alongside recounting her own tale of manipulation, gaslighting, and trickery by her ex-husband, Paul, the work offers guidance on spotting these people for oneself and protecting your heart and mind against them.
December 10, 2019
Absorbing
What a book! I didn’t really understand what a sociopath was, until I read this book. It has really made me think about how people treat each other and it has explained many things to me. Soul destroying for all those painful years. But, the author has risen up and I admire her resilience and courage.
What a book! I didn’t really understand what a sociopath was, until I read this book. It has really made me think about how people treat each other and it has explained many things to me. Soul destroying for all those painful years. But, the author has risen up and I admire her resilience and courage.
December 28, 2019
Well written
I have read more than a few books on this topic. It's well written and compelling. And, unfortunately, all too familiar. I recognized many of the same scenarios and tactics my ex employed. I highly recommend this book if you suspect you're in an abusive relationship or in a relationship with someone you suspect has a personality disorder.
I have read more than a few books on this topic. It's well written and compelling. And, unfortunately, all too familiar. I recognized many of the same scenarios and tactics my ex employed. I highly recommend this book if you suspect you're in an abusive relationship or in a relationship with someone you suspect has a personality disorder.
December 21, 2020
Un libro que TODAS LAS MUJERES deberíamos leer
Los sociópatas/psicópatas son más comunes de lo que parece, y están disfrazados como “príncipes encantadores”. Eduquemos a todas las mujeres para que sean capaces de distinguir las señales que evidencian a un hombre que va a destruir sus vidas tarde o temprano.
Los sociópatas/psicópatas son más comunes de lo que parece, y están disfrazados como “príncipes encantadores”. Eduquemos a todas las mujeres para que sean capaces de distinguir las señales que evidencian a un hombre que va a destruir sus vidas tarde o temprano.
June 28, 2025
Husband, Liar, Sociopath
I wish I had read this before I married my second husband. He was just like Paul. The difference was that neither of us was financially secure. He never worked and I worked all the time. I think this book should be read by all couples before they are married. Thank you for sharing your most painful lessons.
I wish I had read this before I married my second husband. He was just like Paul. The difference was that neither of us was financially secure. He never worked and I worked all the time. I think this book should be read by all couples before they are married. Thank you for sharing your most painful lessons.
June 19, 2020
Brilliant!
Enjoyed this book immensely. In many ways her story parallels mine. It was informative, honest, and raw at times. I learnt a lot that is helpful to me personally. I recommend this to any woman who feels battered emotionally with her intimate partner.
Enjoyed this book immensely. In many ways her story parallels mine. It was informative, honest, and raw at times. I learnt a lot that is helpful to me personally. I recommend this to any woman who feels battered emotionally with her intimate partner.
January 1, 2021
No one should have to experience anything like what the author went through. Unfortunately, it happens. And all too often. And without realizing it. I found the book not only educational but extremely reassuring. I’m not crazy. I never have been.
April 2, 2018
excellent and very important content for women to consider.
May 16, 2020
Eye opening for us who have suffered psychological abuse.
This story hit me so hard, I thought I had married a narcissist but now know he has some Sociopath tendencies.
This story hit me so hard, I thought I had married a narcissist but now know he has some Sociopath tendencies.
April 15, 2021
I can not thank you enough! This book has woken me up to a whole new level of what i have gotten myself and my children into. To me, you are my hero! Thank you so much!
April 4, 2025
Good cautionary tale. We all know at least one person with characteristics like this guy. Good on the author for turning her story into something to help others after everything she endured.
June 5, 2025
If you have any doubt (no matter how small) about your relationship - do read this book. It's a perfect guide.
I hope Onna is alright, I hope she is living peacefully life now ❤️
I hope Onna is alright, I hope she is living peacefully life now ❤️
March 16, 2017
Brilliant articulation of the stunningly hurtful behaviors of sociopaths, such as: gaslighting : "a technique used to cause the target to question her memories, her perceptions, and her grip on reality. As a result, the gaslighted person loses self-confidence, feels vulnerable, and even feels guilty about doing things she never did." Also, Sociopath Math and the value of 0 : what others mean to the sociopath. Well-written, engaging, powerful.
Eleanor Cowan, author of : A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer
Eleanor Cowan, author of : A History of a Pedophile's Wife: Memoir of a Canadian Teacher and Writer
March 17, 2017
Worthy of every second you spend reading
If you are a healthy woman, still, please read it. Worth all of your money and time spent here rather than a movie. BTW, this may be better than a IMBD scored 8 movie...
If you are a healthy woman, still, please read it. Worth all of your money and time spent here rather than a movie. BTW, this may be better than a IMBD scored 8 movie...
April 10, 2016
Excellent read! I felt like I was right there with the author as she told her story.
April 8, 2017
Really familiar.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews