Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens

by Debbie Riley, John Meeks (Contributor)

Working with adopted adolescents is complex. The key to successful therapy and healthy development is to help the adolescent discover and accept the person within. Parents will •the six most common adoption stuck-spots •the complexities of adoption •the adopted teen’s quest for identity •how therapy may help the adoptive families learn and grow together. Therapists and clinicians will •a broad knowledge base on adoption •a step-by-step assessment process •clinical intervention strategies •a wealth of case histories •treatment resources and therapy tools •writing and art therapy samples.

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Nonfiction, Social Work

262 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2005

Reviews

[Jenny White · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really great overview for therapists and adoptive parents with case studies and specific treatment ideas. I really appreciated the inclusion of many adoptee's own words, art, and poetry. My biggest critique is that the authors missed the mark by not further addressing the complexities of transracial, transcultural, and kinship adoptions.

[CathyAyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a very helpful presentation of the feelings many of our adopted children may experience/be experiencing. If an adopted child has been diagnosed with one or more of several disorders with mixed/nebulous symptoms, such as GAD (anxiety), depression, ADHD, ODD, DMDD, among others (and certainly PTSD), it's very possible that he/she may be manifesting the masked feelings of adoption loss, grief, and/or trauma.

Although it's titled to be a book about teens, much of this is relevant at any stage. Having an adopted child who is a teen now, I can see threads of these truths have been present probably since about age 4-6 y in him.

The book is written to speak very much to the audience of clinical providers (therapists) who work with adopted teens, ESPECIALLY to those who may not have ever considered how adoption can play a HUGELY significant role in what ails these children and causes them to present into therapy. However, there is a lot that parents can learn from it as well. The middle chapters speak more to the parent and are less clinical, but it's all useful.

For me a paradox is that the authors state that parents often fail to consider adoption as a relevant issue for what ails their child(ren). However, it has been my personal experience that it is I who has always considered adoption to contribute significantly to my child's behavior issues and have found that most of the therapists and psychiatrists that we have sought care from have not been willing (or possibly comfortable?) to delve into the matter. To them I'd say, "PLEASE READ THIS BOOK!"

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much harm can be caused to adopted kids and teens when the adults caring for them are not informed appropriately about adoption-related issues. Adoption itself is not pathological, as the author states, but adoptees are easily apathologized when the trauma and loss they've experienced is not recognized, understood and treated with compassion and sensitivity. The first 140 pages are geared toward parents and therapists alike as they provide insight into the special issues faced by adopted teens. The last sections of the book are geared toward therapists and what approaches in treatment can be most effective. Essential reading for any adult engaging with adopted teens.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super helpful resource for adoptive parents and for clinicians who may work with children or youth who have been adopted, or even youth who have been in long-term foster care (who may struggle with some of these same grief/loss/abandonment/complex trauma issues without a stable parent figure to help them sort through the pieces). Be forewarned, though, parts of it may be tough for an adoptive parent to read. However, I felt the author was fair and empathetic toward parents in her writing. I appreciated the many insights and examples of the complexities of counseling adopted adolescents and helping them make sense of their stories, whilst supporting and strengthening adoptive family relationships. I don't think there are a ton of therapists with this degree of knowledge about adoption issues, so I would highly recommend sharing this with your young person's therapist if this is not already their area of expertise. It may help bring insight and awareness and ultimately, healing for your youth and your family. My biggest encouragement for adoptive families is to be open to the ideas/realities in this book and to give permission for your youth to wrestle through them. They desperately need you to be a companion in this journey.

[Jesse Hertstein · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was the recommendation of another adopted parent who heard about it from another. I should’ve read the description closer because it is nearly two decades old, and it is written for therapists, not those who need said therapy. Still, there are some nuggets that are helpful in understanding the psychology of adoption during adolescence. Not a waste of time, but there has to be some better materials out there for the parents.

[Jocie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great resource for anyone working with adopted youth or youth in foster care. Does an excellent job of humanizing the information and also gives practical suggestions.

Sometimes the writing was a bit confusing and could have been simplified.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though written mainly for therapists, this insightful book also has much to offer parents.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

With this book being published in 2006, it did not have any focus on open adoptions. Still informative and a good read but definitely geared towards therapists.

[Jess McDonald · Rating 3 out of 5]

No surprises here, just good reminders to keep doing what we’re doing. Adopted teens can be really hard to parent well and we are trying to learn and grow as we go!

[Go2therock]

I'd say that I enjoyed the latter half of the book the most, as it seemed to connect with my own life, experience as an adopted parent, and the struggles of my kids. One of the most important aspects, emphasized throughout the book, is the author's solid grasp of the need, the absolutely essential need, for the parents to be a part of the adoptees recovery from their childhood traumas, especially those adopted at later ages.

There is a void in our country where recognition and the accompanying structures of support should be. The idolatry of protecting the 'rights of the individual' in therapy seems almost to work against the very foundational struggle for healthy connections and building of trust. Parents are needed, vital to a child's (and later on the adult's) road to healing and stability. Inclusion of them in the process is fundamental, as is backing them in this daunting undertaking of doing one's best to come alongside to help heal a wounded soul. A sensitive and powerful book that evidences itself as one who gets it.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as part of my job working with adopted teens and their families. It was so helpful, I got approval from my program to buy three more copies as reference, and then subsequently, lent them all out to parents within a week! The chapter on "stuck spots" is particularly helpful. Recommended for any adoptive parent.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was suggested to me by another adoptive mom. It gives tons of insights into understanding adopted teens. Very helpful info.

[Dom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Awesome book for parents and therapists I guess. For the adoptee though wasn't an accurate picture. Doesn't capture the raw emotion and provide explanation. The primal wound did it for me

[Donna McFadden · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an adoptive mother, this book was helpful in understanding what adopted children experience.

[Naomi Kenorak · Rating 4 out of 5]

I particularly liked how this book has chapters devoted to not only how adopted teens gets "stuck" emotionally on certain issues, but also how adoptive parents get "stuck" too.