I kept reading but only because my book club selected this book and it was one of the members who loves the series who suggested it. The irony is that I actually got engaged about 3/4 of the way in but I really think it’s because the writing improved. The author seemed like they stopped trying to be clever and funny, and the writing was less defensively explaining why it was all over the place and more actual story/plot by then.
I’ve not written a book series, let alone one with 11 books in it, but I imagine if you’re continuing to add supernatural elements and keeping everything from previous books without some kind of character arc/growth/plot point that takes any of it away, this is what you get.
Where the action is, I could go whole paragraphs without feeling annoyed with the writing or editing (or lack there of). The first half of the book feels like you can’t go one paragraph without having trouble suspending disbelief or finding inconsistencies.
A lot of the writing, especially in the first half of the book, seemed to me like an attempted resolution to criticism.
I could imagine an editor saying, “Now THIS seems unrealistic.” As in, too much, let’s cut it or change it to improve the writing and the story. To which I can imagine the author responding by adding a because clause to the sentence. Or throwing in that the main character actually IS a possessed, private detective vampire witch who can read minds, see ghosts, and breath fire after transforming to a dragon, so of course it makes sense that she can be almost dead and still be able to make it an hour away to her house on her own without a car. See? I made it make sense. She *flew* there, duh!
I say that about a possible editor, but it’s probably a writing group critique, or the author’s friend or something. There really is not much evidence an editor had a hand in this book at all. We read about a character dropping a scalpel into a pan twice between several paragraphs as the character is introduced. There was no time for the character to have had a scalpel, dropped it and picked it (or another scalpel) up to drop it again. It is as if originally the scalpel drop was in one place, was moved, and then the author forgot to remove it from where it had been moved from. How did that second scalpel drop happen? Was the character actually holding two scalpels?
Also I’m shook that there are highlighted sentences in my Kindle copy of this book because that means many people thought the sentences below worth coming back to, or sharing with other readers:
-I nodded, picked up the McCup and took another McSip of the McCoffee. It tasted McHeavenly.
-I secretly questioned most laughed out louds. Were people really going around and laughing that hard over texts and emails... and, in this case, IM messages? Call me a cynic, but I thought “LOLs” were making liars out of most everyone.
-I thought of all of this as I flipped through the next magazine, which featured, surprise, a whole new brood of Kardashians. Apparently, they were attacking us in waves.
…
I just don’t get it.
The author needs to pick a lane. When trying to describe this book to friends, I really struggled.
The main character is a former federal agent, private detective vampire, but she doesn’t have fangs, and she can eat normal food. She has to sleep during the day but not really because she’s up all the time anyway.
I’ve former federal agent, private detective vampire has a token that lets her day-walk. When she day-walks, sometimes she burns and there is smoke? But she heals so fast there’s no visual damage to her skin? So she sticks to the shade, but really… how?! She is all over the place during the day. It seems like this burning in the sun is only talked about two times, and the rest of the time it’s ignored. The first time she is in a boat in the middle of the lake (during the day). In the second it’s hinted at with how she gets into the University library (during the day). These two instances (among many inconsistencies) feed my criticism-response theory. I can imagine a critique asking: How did she get into the library during the day? And response: She obviously walked in the shadows after parking in a shaded loading dock at the back of the library, duh!
Our day-walking, former federal agent, vampire private detective is also a mom with 2 kids under 18 years old: a son with super human strength and speed and a daughter who is a very powerful telepath. This is really hard to imagine when our day-walking, former federal agent, vampire private detective is not home at night and is supposed to be sleeping during the day but generally seems to be out private-detecting instead. She fiercely loves her kids but we don’t really see her being a mom very much. These kids have to be practically raising themselves.
Our day-walking, former federal agent, vampire detective mama is possessed by a demon who was banished from this world by the alchemists 500 years ago. It’s this demon that makes her a vampire, actually. She also *happens* to be a descendant of the greatest alchemist who coincidentally happened to be the arch enemy of the demon who possesses her. Also she knows Dracula and he is possessed by the main character’s demon’s lover. And he can turn into a dragon vampire bat.
In some previous book, our demon-possessed, descended-from-the-greatest-alchemist, day-walking, former federal agent, private detective vampire mama had a guardian angel but now he’s guardian-ing her son because her son almost died / was possessed by her demon so this is why she can’t get the demon out because it would just take one of her children.
Our demon-possessed, descended-from-the-greatest-alchemist, day-walking, former federal agent, private detective vampire mama is dating a werewolf lawyer who is rich and makes a lot of money for his hourly rate. So she thinks about how her talking to him (during the day) is costing him money. He also happens to have a Frankenstein’s monster for a butler (and by the end of the book, 7 more Frankenstein’s monsters basically running his house, cooking his food, cleaning etc).
Our demon-possessed, day-walking, werewolf-dating, former federal agent, private detective alchemist vampire mama that doesn’t have a guardian angel does have friends though. She has a Librarian alchemist friend who guards the dark magic books in a magical place at the university library (during the day). He made her that day-walking token. He also runs or helps out with a non-Hogwarts magical school to unleash alchemists’ powers which is in an undisclosed location. And also he and others track all the alchemist descendants to protect them because they’re all in danger of being killed for their power or some other awful thing. But the main character doesn’t want to send her son to said magical school even to protect him, because she won’t know where that is. EVEN if it would teach him to protect himself against those who might try to steal his power.
Other friends? The vampire who runs the consent-based blood bank for vampires that she talks to once. The detective that sends paranormal stuff her way.
Also we have a whole chapter where she reveals what she is to her son’s boxing coach at the boxing club (during the day) to explain why she doesn’t want her son to become a professional fighter, and I’m sorry, but why? What did that do to advance anything in the story??
She also has a witchy friend. Our demon-possessed, day-walking, werewolf-dating, former federal agent, private detective alchemist vampire mama was part of a powerful witch trio in a past life with her best friend who is a witch now, and who was also a witch in that past life. The third in the trio is a ghost named Millicent that only her friend can see that says our demon-possessed, day-walking, werewolf-dating, former federal agent, private detective alchemist vampire witch mama is a bad influence to the best friend. The two living witches talk telepathically together. Except our alchemist vampire witch mama is trying not to use her powers because… reasons.
But that’s not all! Our demon-possessed, day-walking, werewolf-dating, former federal agent, private detective alchemist vampire witch mama is really OP.
- She can see ghosts, but not Millicent’s
- She has super human strength and speed
- She is telepathic
- She can mind control people
- She can place false memories, or wipe memories
- She can see auras
- She can teleport anywhere by summoning an image of a flame in her mind and imagining the place
- She can also (by summoning an image of a flame in her mind… confusing!) swap bodies with a dragon, sending her body to another dimension
- As that dragon she can fly, and speak telepathically with the mind of the dragon, and also breathe fire
- But the dragon is sometimes a vampire bat (the author can’t seem to make up their mind)
- Our demon-possessed, day-walking, werewolf-dating, former federal agent, private detective alchemist vampire witch mama is a seer and has very important dreams and premonitions and they WILL happen and she can’t stop them, except actually she can change them right as they are happening
- She really is a good person. Or trying to be. She tries not to do bad things, think bad thoughts, and drink blood because that feeds the demon inside her who might take over and she’d cease to exist(?)… also it would endanger the world
- But also, if she uses her powers that will feed the demon so she’s tries not to use her powers, except she basically uses them all the time anyway
It’s like a five-year old playing make-believe: I’m a demon-possessed, alchemist vampire! Now I’m also a dragon witch! And I can see the future! Also I breathe fire and can tell people what to do and they do it!
I have so many questions:
- How much better could this book be with a good editor?
- How is this book 11? People buy these books and love them so much that 11 were written and sold?
- What is book 1 like? How much of this is added in books 2-11? (I’m not going to read to find out, so maybe this is more of a rhetorical question.)
- Why the nonsequitar ending chapter teleporting her to Mars?
- Did an early generative AI large language model write this? Or a middle schooler? Really.
- Did someone dare the author to put in so many supernatural tropes and not remove any? Related: has the author ever heard of Via Negativa?