The Bohemian Guide to Monogamy

by Andrew Armacost

THE BOHEMIAN GUIDE TO MONOGAMY operates at the literary edge of the bizarro movement, equally obsessed with weirdness and language, with boundaries and meaning.

A patchwork of interlinked short fiction assembles itself into a unified novella that deftly explores the pains and pleasures of love, commitment, family and—yes—monogamy.

In this collection, Superman searches for prostitutes, Leonardo DiCaprio falls in love with George Clooney, and a murderous midget learns the limits of revenge while a sperm cell struggles to share his side of the story. And it all manages to form a unified tale, one told with prose that demonstrates an uncommon mastery of tone and dark humor while capturing the primal impulses that seethe beneath—and therefore threaten—all human relationships.

WARNING: depending on your disposition, this book could leave you feeling dizzy, disgusted, clammy, enlightened or disturbingly uncertain.

Genres: Fiction

114 pages, Paperback

First published November 4, 2015

About the author

Andrew Armacost studied literature and writing in Scotland at the University of Edinburgh after serving in the U.S. Navy, during which time he worked at sea and overseas, with long-term assignments to both Afghanistan and Singapore. Formerly a Corrections Officer for the State of Indiana, Mr. Armacost has also resided in Illinois, Ohio, Georgia, Florida, Japan and, most recently, California, where he currently lives with his family.

Reviews

[Dan Schwent · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Bohemian Guide to Monogamy is a collection of short stories, linked together by the frame story of a writer typing away while ignoring his pregnant wife in a cafe. All the stories deal with lust being replaced with commitment in some way. Here are a couple.

Superman Finds His Smile: After Lois and Superman break up, Aquaman talks the man of steel into going to Thailand to forget his troubles. Will Superman be able to escape the web of sex and alcohol, with Chai Lai, a sexy waitress, at the center of the web?

When a story involves Superman and hookers, you know it's going to be hilarious. That's pretty much all I need to say.

Another Lame Hospital Drama from the 90's: Police Officer Brad Pitt's wife, Brittney, goes into labor and they rush to the hospital. Can Doctor Clooney and Nurse Leonardo DiCaprio deliver the baby and save Brittney's life after she experiences complications?

This tale was just as funny as the first, involving comically gruesome child birth and some uncomfortable moments between Clooney and DiCaprio.

Some of the other stories are hard to take. Some of them are nested within each other like Matryoshka doll. They were all fairly interesting, though I didn't care for portions that were written like plays, passed notes, or emails. Three out of five stars.

[Benoit Lelièvre · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite read of 2015, so far (it's early, I know). This book is wild and imaginative, yet it deals with a universal issue : getting older and trading off youthful lust for commitment. It sure will appeal to a more masculine audience as a lot of the issues raised by Armacost are testosterone fueled (it might appear puerile if you have never experienced them), but rare are the books who can reconcile the overpowering masculine sex drive and maturity in such a fun and dynamic way. Not every man is a latent sex offender, but all of us have a secret garden where wild stuff is happening.

I connected to that book on an emotional level, which is somewhat rare. Not a completely serious read. Not a frivolous one either. Just a fun and engaging way to discuss something nobody wants to talk about.

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting collection of interconnected stories that break down the barriers between the relationships we actually have vs the relationships we hide inside our heads.

[Jason Pettus · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.)

Although I'm always glad to have the opportunity to read another book of bizarro fiction, I have to admit that I don't actually have a lot to say about any of them; after all, the main defining trait of this subgenre is that it's like a zany cartoon come to life, so there's simply not much analysis to be done when it comes to determining whether the characters are realistic, whether the plot is believable, etc. Andrew Armacost's The Bohemian Guide to Monogamy, however, at least has the advantage of not even trying to tie its random chaos together into a coherent three-act storyline; it's simply presented as a series of short standalone pieces, cleverly tied together by the author standing in as a sort of Cryptkeeper-type anthology host in the interstitials between stories, under the pretense that he is at a cafe in Savannah, Georgia musing over each piece while also dealing with his supermodel wife and a snooty waiter who keeps bringing him the wrong celebrity-clones he's been ordering off the celebrity-clone menu. If that alone sounds like too much for you to handle, you should both stay far away from this book and from the bizarro genre in general; but if that sounds like an intriguing start to a rabbithole that just keeps getting weirder and sillier with each passing page, you'll definitely want to pick up this slim, enjoyable volume.

Out of 10: 8.2, or 9.2 for fans of bizarro literature

[Christopher Payne · Rating 5 out of 5]

THE BOHEMIAN GUIDE TO MONOGAMY operates at the literary edge of the bizarro movement, equally obsessed with weirdness and language, with boundaries and meaning. A patchwork of interlinked short fiction assembles itself into a unified novella that deftly explores the pains and pleasures of love, commitment, family and—yes—monogamy. In this collection, Superman searches for prostitutes, Leonardo DiCaprio falls in love with George Clooney, and a murderous midget learns the limits of revenge while a sperm cell struggles to share his side of the story. And it all manages to form a unified tale, one told with prose that demonstrates an uncommon mastery of tone and dark humor while capturing the primal impulses that seethe beneath—and therefore threaten—all human relationships. WARNING: depending on your disposition, this book could leave you feeling dizzy, disgusted, clammy, enlightened or disturbingly uncertain.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Guess what?
Chicken Butt!!

Quirky and entertaining.
Throw everything out that you thought and just roll with the tide.
This is a spoof about commitment.

Just so you all know Lois is a prude - I knew it! I never like her! Or wait is it really her??

This book is filled with lots of zingers! That will keep you on your toes and interested in what is going to happen and be said next!!

I did struggle with the books writing style and how it jumped around. But I did enjoy it, once I got into the flow. This is a short book, @100pages. But packed full of great characters.

[Rodney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has many hilarious moments, but at it's core spoke volumes about what it really means to be in a long term, committed relationship. Quotable lines resonated with me throughout. The unique way it was structured added much to the experience, with the last section wrapping it all up very well. Fun and charming in it's honesty.

[Kelsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Armacost's writer/narrator is brutally honest with himself, and as readers, we get to hear every embarrassing thing that goes through his head--in a witty and very real voice. He makes no apologies for wildly speculative characters and situations, blatantly manipulating the story with details that seem arbitrary at first--but nevertheless, they come alive with heart-crunchingly human emotion. From the outside, this book is a writer's guilty pleasure: metafiction swimming with pop cultural references and fantastical leaps through time and space, but hidden inside all that are some pretty real observations of the human torn between the hard work of love and the instant gratification of a tryst.

[Susan Walker · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a bizarre collection of stories. It is so out there it is interesting. You have to read it to believe it.