Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment

The Every Man

by Shannon Ethridge, Stephen F. Arterburn (Afterword)

When does an affair begin? Not with the first forbidden touch…but with the first forbidden thought. Unexpectedly, you find yourself enjoying a powerful emotional bond with another man. You feel like you matter to someone again. And the door you thought was locked so firmly–the door to sexual infidelity–is suddenly ajar.

The only way women can survive the intense struggle for sexual integrity is by guarding not just your body, but your mind and heart as well. Every Woman’s Battle can help you learn to do that. Using real-life stories and examples from her own struggle, Shannon Ethridge helps women like you–whether married, engaged, or planning to marry someday.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Marriage, Christianity, Faith, Relationships

193 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

About the author

Shannon is a million-copy best-selling author, speaker, lay counselor, and advocate for healthy sexuality with a master’s degree in counseling/human relations from Liberty University. She has spoken to youth, college students, and adults since 1989 and her passions include:

* Challenging adults and teens to embrace a life of sexual integrity
* Encouraging married couples in their pursuit of sexual fulfillment
* Counseling women who have looked for love in all the wrong places
* Equipping parents to instill sexual values in children at an early age

Her passion for healthy sexuality was ignited as a result of her own painful experiences. After being sexually abused by uncles during puberty and surviving many painful years as a promiscuous teenager, Shannon sought to overcome her past and become the faithful wife she desperately wanted to be. Six months of individual and group counseling gave Shannon the confidence to declare her graduation from the school of hard knocks, and she began speaking boldly and bluntly about the benefits of sexual integrity and sexual intimacy within marriage. She has since taught and counseled thousands of teens, single adults, and married couples over the past decade. Shannon is the Gold-Medallion Award-winning author of 18 books, including the best-selling Every Woman’s Battle series (WaterBrook Press, 2003-2006) which has been printed in 11 different languages, the 5-book Loving Jesus Without Limits series (WaterBrook Press, 2007), and her new book for the mainstream market, The Sexually Confident Wife (Random House, September 2008).

Shannon has been featured on the cover of Today’s Christian Woman Magazine and is a frequent guest on such national radio & television shows as Focus on the Family, The 700 Club, Life Today with James & Betty Robison, FamilyLife Today with Dennis Rainey, and New Life Live! with Stephen Arterburn. She has also been published in magazines such as Focus on the Family, Brio, Christian Single, Discipleship Journal, LifeWay, and Enrichment Journal.

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as a companion to my husband's books "Every Man's Battle." He has struggled with porn addiction since before we met and got married. I have never had a problem with porn or knew anyone who did so I wasn't aware of its effects. After being married for several years I have come to see how it not only effects the person but everyone around them. So I ordered him the Man's Series and I decided to order the woman's version to read and see what women deal with. It really opened my eyes because although I have never looked at porn or been unfaithful to my husband sexually it showed me that woman can be unfaithful emotionally. When a woman is unhappy in her marriage she may begin an emotional affair with another man without realizing it. A nice man will come along and begin to say and do things that their husbands either don't or have long since stopped. Therefore, it starts out innocent enough but before long that man's nice words and actions end up leading her to a sexual affair. And even if she is strong enough in her values to not let it ever lead to a sexual affair in reality she has had an emotional affair because she is looking outside of her husband for her needs and thus has cheated herself and her husband out of their God given relationship. It is really eye opening and helps you to see to be careful with what male friendships you make and to nurture them with care and to make sure you aren't looking to them for fulfillment you should find in your spouse.

[Jaylee · Rating 1 out of 5]

CAN YOU BELIEVE I READ THIS BOOK???

This book is very similar to all the other books I've read like it... it's full of "Every woman experiences x, y, and z" when I don't experience any of those things, and "Every woman wants this and that," when I want neither. When I was younger, these kind of things would drive me into identity crises over whether or not I was girl enough or whatever.

Like all other books like this, when you tell people that you disagree with the book, they get very defensive of it. "Maybe you're just not ready for this book" or "Maybe you just can't accept the truth." I think popular Christian books like this get treated like ABSOLUTE TRUTH when they are written by fallible human beings. Especially because the woman who wrote this book has no background in psychology... her only qualifications for writing this book are that she is the wife of the man who wrote Every Man's Battle.

In general, the message of this book is basically "lower your expectations and stop falling in love with fictional characters because men are pretty terrible and will never be able to measure up. Also you should consider being sexier so your man doesn't need to stray from you."

I'm just really glad I no longer consider myself a Christian and no longer have to confine myself to standards like this.

EDIT, 4 yrs later: oh also ps, figured out I'm not a woman. So maybe that also had something to do with it.

[Erin · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was so full of ideals that came from the author instead of using the Bible and what it actually says to help guide women. It was ultra conservative in the wrong ways (opinions on things such a as modesty, a woman’s “role” in martial intimacy, etc.) She created a very cookie cutter and rather legalistic perspective on a woman’s sexuality and it was entirely disappointing.

[Lisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

While there were a few tidbits I got from this book, so much of it just doesn't apply to me. Every woman does not have the same battle. It's bizarre that this group of authors works so hard to put people into boxes. Unless you fit their very narrow profile, this book will be a waste of your time.

The author presents a ridiculous theory that any time a woman is friends with a man it's an emotional affair. You think Greg is funny and you enjoy his jokes? AFFAIR! You appreciate how kind Joe is when he coaches your kids in soccer? AFFAIR! It would be silly if it wasn't so harmful.

Then she spends chapter after chapter stating that no matter what your marriage is like, the problems are all in YOU.

Her sex advice is just plain misogynistic.

Update-- this author is evil. I just found out she divorced in 2016. I'm not surprised, the way she wrote about marriage as a lifetime of misery and made me wonder if she was miserable.

The issue is that throughout her books she tells women "don't get divorced .... Divorce won't fix your problems .... You are the problem!" Then she gets divorced. No apology to the countless women who took her advice and stayed in horrible marriages. No editing her books to include divorce as an option. Nope, just one standard for her and another standard for the rest of the world. She's happily making money off of absolutes that she doesn't follow.

People, please get help from a licensed therapist. See a lawyer. Know your options. Maybe you can work out your marriage issues and maybe you can't. But don't read this book. Look for a Gottmam book.

[Melissa Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think there is a lot of wisdom in this book, some of it should be taken with a grain of salt and definitely read in context. I also think that an updated version would be helpful as, while she writes about sexual/emotional integrity from a single perspective, it definitely feels like it was written for older married women stylistically (terms she uses, and examples are a little outdated for my taste). A fresh perspective with the same good wisdom would be much appreciated in my opinion. But again definitely worth a read.

[Susanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book to have as a resource for opportunities in the future to help women. I did a quick read through it and thought it has a LOT to offer, especially for women who regularly interact w/ men in personal friendships or in the workplace. It gave a lot of good questions to ask yourself in various situations to expose the motives of your heart and provide protection. I think it's easy to assume "nothing will ever happen to me," but that's not an accurate assumption. This book can offer some great preventative measures!

[Heavenly Readings · Rating 5 out of 5]

⬇️English/Spanish⬇️
Una gran herramienta para las mujeres cristianas que luchan contra la tentación de la carne. Incluye testimonios reales de mujeres que cayeron o que huyeron de la tentación de índole sexual. Para mujeres solteras o casadas que buscan una mayor comunión con Dios y una mejor relación con sus esposos o futuros maridos. Esta lectura ayuda a las mujeres a reconocer las señales que las pueden llevar a la infidelidad emocional, mental y/o física. Libro recomendado si batallas contra la pornografía, la masturbación, la fantasía sexual y la necesidad de ser apreciada por el sexo masculino. Excelente y útil lectura.
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A great resource for Christian women struggling against the temptation of the flesh. It includes real testimonies of women who fell or who fled from sexual temptation. For single or married women who seek greater communion with God and a better relationship with their husbands or future husbands. This reading helps women to recognize the signs that can lead to emotional, mental and/or physical infidelity. Recommended book if you battle against pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasy and the need to be appreciated by the male sex. Excellent and useful book.

[Kayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s funny how God works. I had looked at this book at a local Christian bookstore, wanting to read it and quite nearly buying it. However, I knew it would likely only go on the shelf and wait for me to eventually get around to reading it. Two days later, I looked at the available options on WaterBrook Multnomah’s Blogging for Books page, and saw that it was listed! I was able to save $7+tax by volunteering to review this book! God is good.

So what did I think about this book? I love how each chapter ends with Scripture, and Shannon Ethridge (the author) quotes Scripture throughout the book. Appropriately. For women who are struggling with sexual and emotional temptations/sin, only God’s Word is the Truth that will set them free.

It was a very difficult book for me to read. She has a friendly style of writing, so I’m not sure exactly where my hang-up was… There were a few sections in the book where I marked up the margins (i.e. I disagreed heatedly with the author.), but not enough to keep me from recommending the book to a friend who is bombarded by and struggles with such temptations. Here’s one section where I disagreed with her:

“[In Matthew 22:37-40] Jesus was saying that the law isn’t what is important. Love is what is important. If we love God, love our neighbor, and love ourselves (in that order), then we can live far above any set of rules or regulations. We have freedom to live apart from any legalistic standards when we live by the spirit of love.” (p. 28)

My response (in the margin):If we love God, neighbor, & self, then from that love, we obey His law!

I didn’t work through the workbook (which is in the same binding with my copy), but it looks doubly beneficial. I think the application concept would make this book more suitable for me. Since I struggled with reading through the book so much, I would have to give it about a 3 on the 5 star scale.

I received this book for free via WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. The perspectives above (not quoted from the book) are entirely mine.

[Shantelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really, really good book. I'm so glad I found it at Goodwill and decided to read it! I definitely recommend that adult women - married and single alike - read Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Ethridge.

I'm not sure what I thought about absolutely everything said (as it usually is with every Christian Living book I read!), but most of Every Woman's Battle was phenomenal. I was very impressed by the helpful information and Biblical teachings. I feel like I learned some things, and have more of a passion for purity and God's beautiful design than ever. So thankful for the godly women and men who take the time to address these universal struggles in a firm, honest, and God-honoring way!

A very much worthwhile and recommended read!

Quote(pg. 139):

While pride says, "I deserve whatever I desire,"
humility says, "My fleshly desires will not dictate my actions."

While pride says, "My needs should be met at any cost,"
humility says, "Meeting my needs is secondary to loving others."

While pride says, "Life is all about me and my pleasure,"
humility says, "Life is all about God and His pleasure."

While pride says, "The rules apply to everyone else but me,"
humility says, "I will submit to the rules for righteousness' sake."

While pride says, "I'm above the consequences,"
humility says, "I win only when I resist sin."

[Elsa Eklund · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jag köpte boken tre år sedan och bläddrade i den direkt jag fick den hem. Jag ansåg att författaren överdrev faran med det mesta som boken behandlade och irriterades över att boken antydde att jag inte kunde vara nära vän med en manlig person ifall jag var gift. Efter att jag bläddrat i boken hade jag ingen lust att börja läsa den.

Nu, tre år senare, plockade jag fram boken med aningen fördomsfulla tankar. Jag började läsa och märkte hur de fördomsfulla och högfärdiga tankarna småningom ersattes med ödmjukhet och intresse för att lära mig mer om ämnet.

Jag har svårt att recensera boken, att berätta vad som var bra och vad som var dåligt. Det är lättare att säga att jag tar med mig mycket, förhåller mig delvis kritisk till några meningar, och tror att jag kommer läsa om boken flera gånger under min livstid.

En tröstande bibelvers som ger hopp:

"Vi har inte en överstepräst som inte kan ha medlidande med våra svagheter, utan en som har varit frestad i allt liksom vi fast utan synd. Låt oss därför frimodigt gå fram till nådens tron för att få barmhärtighet och finna nåd till hjälp i rätt tid."
Hebr 4: 15-16

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly insightful. Ethridge deals transparently and graciously with issues that most people(within the church) are not willing to admit or answer. The best representation(I've read) of how a woman thinks and feels, etc. Practical, but pointed words on how she should be on guard to the temptations of everyday life. I'm thankful that someone saw the need to write this book!

[Yicell De Ortiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excelente!

[Mickey Walsh]

I read this because I'd picked it up randomly from a Little Free Library and flipped to a page about wanting to have a candlelit dinner with Richard Gere. Had to know more. Putting it back in the LFL tomorrow.

[Felicia Wilson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Contains a lot of the most toxic elements of purity culture.

[Kathie Kyg · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mi parecer este es un libro excelente. Se lo he prestado a unas cuantas personas luego de leerlo yo misma un par de veces devota y detenidamente... y estoy segura de que en el futuro lo volveré a leer porque tiene el poder de revelarte cosas nuevas cada vez que lo haces. Relata las historias de mujeres con luchas muy personales, y la forma más adecuada de poder resolver cada una de ellas cuando se nos presenta a nosotras mismas. Este libro se pone en los zapatos de todas las mujeres del mundo; nos comprende y nos ofrece herramientas importantes y poderosas para enfrentar las luchas personales enmarcadas en el área amorosa, sexual, relacional, y espiritual. Es un libro que recomiendo leer a cada mujer con la que tengo el gusto de compartir. Si eres mujer, te lo recomiendo.

[Beverly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. There were some pearls in certain parts of the book, but for the most part, I found myself irritated. I don't appreciate her condescending tone or shoddy research skills. Citing a statistic (that was widely inaccurate) from a college lecture? No thanks. I read this as part of a women's bible study group and most in my group felt the same way. On the plus side, I grew immensely closer to some of my friends because of the required transparency necessary to finish the group study. Even though I know this book has been a tremendous help to others, it just wasn't a solid read for me.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thought provoking in a good way. I appreciated the candor with which the author handled topics that I have seldom (sometimes never) heard addressed in Christian circles. I felt that there was a good balance between addressing outward behavior as well as heart issues/motivations. Some parts I heartily agree with, other parts, not so much. Despite any shortcomings, this book is a good resource and would be helpful to women seeking greater (inward and outward) emotional and sexual integrity.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though this book is aimed at women, I found it very informative as a man. understanding the differences in how the two sexes view sexual temptation was enlightening. A "must" read by anyone who wishes to have a more fulfilling relationship with there significant other, or who plan on having one.

[Bicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE that this book blows the cover off the little lies we tell ourselves. An excellent read that exposes the subtle but dangerous justifications we make for our discontent in marriage and the ways it can manifest itself. Speaks to the HEART of the matter, helping you stay pure of heart before God. A must-read for every wan on earth.

[Lynn · Rating 2 out of 5]

While Shannon Ethridge brings up a lot of good points in her book, she continues to try to get women to conform to stereotypes of what a good wife and woman should do....shave her legs, get a manicure, wear perfumed lotion, when those things have nothing to do with being a good wife or Christian woman.

[Michele McCarthy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for every woman. Shannon is not afraid to speak about the hard issues women face and should guard against. I wish I would have read it years ago. This is not a book for the timid. It is a book for women who want purity in their hearts and minds.

[Chandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

really really great book. i recommend it to any woman -- single or married. lots of honest and practical advice on how to develop healthy relationships with men in general and your husband specifically.

[Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and challenging book about being a Christian woman.

[T.n. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful into women's psyche and internal sexual turmoil that is hard to admit.

[Jesseca Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

Oh man, did I not like this book. Full of what not to do without what TO do.

[April Lyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man. This book is so good. Where to start?

So, there is a disclaimer early on that it’s written primarily for married women or women seeking to be married; I disagree. This is an EXCELLENT resource for single women, whether divorced, widowed, single again, still single or single by choice. There is so much wisdom on how to treat the men in our lives and that is important for women to know. Maybe even more so, if you’re single. As a Christ follower, you don’t want to be the stumbling block in someone else’ marriage. No one who loves Jesus wants to be the “other woman.” It kills me when Christians convince themselves that God wants them to end a marriage for another person, or to pursue a married person. God doesn’t condone that; that’s all you. This book helps you avoid accidentally (or purposefully) becoming that person.

Also, I felt so called out by this book. I have been cheated on in marriage (multiple times, unfortunately). And I’ve cheated in marriage, too. Sadly, I have lots of experience with infidelity. And I can see how this book could have inspired and taught me to secure greater boundaries long ago. Boundaries that may have helped me avoid the slippery slope of comparing my husband to other men and/or mentally checking out during sex (just to name two things that hit home with me). The point is, there is something for everyone to learn here.

Regarding other reviews that state the author relies too much on her own opinions and not enough on Biblical wisdom, I disagree. It’s a good balance but there is probably a scripture reference every three pages. And used in context, with appropriate references. There ARE a lot of “stories” from women with various experiences, issues, etc, but I feel those really add to the content. They also make you feel like you’re not a complete turd for struggling with this stuff, but that maybe it’s the norm… even for Christians.

Love this book for everyone. 5 stars. Recommend. Read it now.

[Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment (Paperback)
by Shannon Ethridge

p39 myth #5 masturbation doesn't hurt me : The author says the urge to masturbate is like feeding a monster. I say that the urge to masturbate creates normal uterine health.

Arousal does not result from impure thoughts. Carrying chronic arousal is normal in the teens and twenties. It has to do with our developing brains and bodies. It is also normal for people in love. It is nice if such people are in mutual married relationships and are expert in making love to each other. Everyone else needs to RESOLVE arousal in a healthy way.

The failure to do so is especially unhealthy for women, who get inflammation of the uterus. This is caused from engorgement which is the filling of the blood supply to the uterine tissues. When this happens the uterus get heavy and enlarges, both of which cause it to hang precariously from its ligaments. This leads to the cervix of the uterus eventually hanging outside of the vagina where it is exposed to the environment instead of being safely protected inside the body. This doesn't happen much in the USA but is a major problem in poor countries where it usually is a consequence of poor pregnancy care, not from arousal. When it happens in this country in young people it is usually from the failure to understand arousal and its consequences. The author means well but she ought not be practicing medicine without a license. One of the sad consequences of this situation is that a boggy uterus can prevent a women from getting pregnant.

[Mafer Zavala · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este libro fue perfecto para la temporada en la que estoy en mi vida. Lo comence a leer cuando tenia novio, y lo terminé en medio de mi ruptura amorosa. Es un libro totalmente práctico, claro y confrontante, sobretodo si lo lees de la mano con el Señor y le permites examinar tu mente y corazón, entonces se convierte en un libro muy edificante para la vida de una mujer que ama a Dios y desea agradarlo. Lo leí junto con dos amigas (una casada y otra comprometida) y concordamos con la mayoría de las ideas que presenta el libro sobre las luchas que enfrentamos las mujeres, nos ayudo a comenzar a rendirnos cuentas y a crecer en integridad con el Señor.

Desde mi punto de vista, este libro aborda las luchas de las mujeres contra el pecado desde la introspección, las motivaciones del corazón y el amor en Cristo, y no desde la religiosidad de prohibir o condenar. Estoy segura de que habrá luchas con las que te identifiques, y otras en las que no. Los ejemplos y testimonios que usa la autora son bastante utiles para aterrizar la teoría y poder visualizar como se ve en el día a día lo que trata de enseñarnos.

Si estas luchando por mantener la pureza sexual (en cualquier etapa de tu vida), con establecer límites y construir convicciones con Cristo como la base, este libro puede ayudarte. Personalmente, terminé convencida de que no hay mejor amante que Jesús y que El es el más interesado en que podamos experimentar la sexualidad femenina con plenitud y como Dios la diseño para que la disfrutáramos. Tenemos un Dios cautivante que aguarda pacientemente a que nos dejemos cautivar por El.

[Gathoni Mwangi · Rating 4 out of 5]

wow! my first review of 2025. this book was beautiful and written in a very simplistic manner which made the heavy topic that it is tackling all the more easier to understand. given to be by mentor after she realized how much i was struggling at the whole life thing in general😅


it is a guide through the emotional and sexual struggles that we as women go through and how to navigate them God's way. my ONE THING from this book is that sexual and emotional integrity is a wholesome thing. it is not just physical. i also liked how shannon tackled the whole issue of fantasizing head on and talked about how to walk this journey with God. a must read for any woman (and man who wants to understand us better😅) who wants to get a Biblical perspective on the whole issue of sexual and emotional integrity. i also really liked her practical approach to all the advice she gave

'i hope you learn to live life to its fullest... husband or not'
- stephen arteburn (to me) in the afterword

[Beck · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book felt like a godly peer/mentor speaking with me - Not down at me. I did not feel shamed by the author for the struggle, if anything the struggle didn't go away (at least for me) just by getting married. This book felt like a useful tool with the examples, the questions to help me think through things, and scripture to help me fight.

My 2 cons were that it could be updated given the social media monsters we are facing, though much of the content was still helpful/applicable. My other con was the part about dress. I agree that as women of God we should dress modestly out of respect for our Christian brothers who also struggle. I disagree with the short couple paragraphs about if we dress modest, we will be treated with respect. That has not been my experience. I would reword it: you dress out of respect for God and others even if others are not always respectful back. Unfortunately, modest dress isn't a safeguard from unwanted sexual attention from men.