Maybe I Should Just Shoot You In The Face

by Brian Panowich, Ryan Sayles, Chuck Regan

Zelmer Pulp is back with two new members rounding out the original fold. This, their first collection of noir and crime, rolls through gritty side streets and dark alleys as it highlights the underbelly of what men can do. Photographer Mark Krajnak complimented each story with a black and white picture from his professional collection of work.

Genres: Short Stories, Crime, Noir, Anthologies

116 pages, Paperback

First published October 9, 2014

About the author

Brian writes and lives in Georgia but he dreams of Parma.

Reviews

[Sandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

"...here in our city any portion of the week at one AM is as dark and bleak as Purgatory."

Seven short stories giving you a taste of the noir genre. Not all of them have crime as a theme, but what they do have in common is the darkness that is part of mankind. Only four of them really stood out to me. Chris Leek's 'Last Exit', in which a cop is wandering through the streets looking for the killer of his hooker girlfriend, 'Omega Man' by Benoit Lelievre has a guy doing all possible, and desperate, things to get his ex-girlfriend back, and the big finale piece 'The Roach Motel Reputation' by Ryan Sayles has some good old ass kicking done by a former cop. But Brian Panowich' 'Once Upon a Time in the Woods' was the one that made me smile. Fairytale-slash-crime makes for a otherworldly experience two kidnappers never would have dreamed of.

Read this for our May Short Story Month Marathon, a personal challenge during which Alex and I will be going through our short story collection in this last week of May. I'm adding a little twist to it by reading books by authors I haven't read from before.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Maybe I Should Just Shoot You In The Face" has an absolutely awesome, eye-catching title that might scare some folks away from it. If it does, too bad for them. This is a top-notch collection of noir crime fiction written by some of the top modern writers in the field, including Paul Brazill, Chris Leek, Benoit Lelievre, Isaac Kirkman, Brian Panowich, Chuck Regan, Gareth Sparks, and Ryan Sayles. It is a collection that is short and snappy and doesn't take long to read, but maybe that's because it is that good stuff that noir afficiandos just like to snap up. Try and savor these stories if you can, but you will probably end up guzzling it all down in a short period of time, disappointed that there isn't more.

Chris Leek's "Last Exit" is a magnificent piece about a guy who recalls that Kelly had been his one shot at happily ever after and now she was gone and all the new day brings is more dive bars and dead ends. "Omega Man" by Benoit Lelievre sounds like a mid-70's thriller movie, but it is a story about things that are too great too last like Briana and the narrator's campaign to win her back. "Give A Good Day" is Isaac Kirkman's short painful prose about a city where the roadsides are littered with crucifixes and bullet holes and discolored plastic flowers. "Once Upon A Time In The Woods" is Panowich's story about kidnapping and crazy squirrels. Regan's "Taking Flesh" is about the dangerousness of carnivals, teenagers, and photography. Sparks' "Lazarus, Come Forth" is about a gun, a waitress in a strip club, retirement, and Hungarian gangsters. Sayles' "The Roach Motel" is about finding your target as you walk through the hell that comes beyond hell and what you find at a bar filled with ones who are going straight to hell. There is not one story in this set that is not worth reading more than once.

[Richard · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
This is a solid little mixtape of short crime fiction by the people at Zelmer Pulp. The first two stories are by far the best of the collection, and can be seen as great primers for anyone interested in getting more familiar with good modern noir. "Last Exit" by Chris Leek is a dark and grimy tale about a Jersey cop prowling the gutters of Brooklyn in search of the man who killed his hooker girlfriend. It's a story David Goodis would have been proud of. And "Omega Man" by Benoit Lelièvre, focuses on the extreme lengths that a man goes to get back the woman who left him for another man. Most of the other stories are either good but not really crime tales and feel like they don't really belong in the collection, or some are just plain terrible. Another stand out is the closing story, "The Roach Motel Reputation," about a hardass that is terrorizing a gay bar in search for a man named Thomas that he feels is in need of a beatdown.

Some people get to leave their mark on the world; he would only leave a stain.

Maybe I Should Just Shoot You In The Face isn't the greatest compilation of stories, but there are some gems, it's only about 90 Kindle pages, and it'll run you about 99¢ on Amazon. Good deal!

[Becky · Rating 2 out of 5]

So... here's the thing: Bull Mountain, its sequel Like Lions, and the novella The Broken King that goes along with them are fucking incredible. Really great writing, a feeling of realness, an urgency that forces you to keep reading to know what happens, brutality of the most vicious kind, but also a kind of beauty. Of Panowich's work, I've only read that series, but man, I loved them.

So when I saw this available via Kindle Unlimited, I snagged it. And now I feel a little disillusioned. :(

I was expecting a hard as fuck crime/noir collection of the same caliber of writing excellence as Panowich gave me in Bull Mountain, which was his FIRST novel. But that was not to be.

Now... to be fair, this is obviously a collection of OTHER writers' stories as well, so it's not all his writing. And this came out first - but by less than a year. But here's the thing - if you're collecting and curating an anthology, then it's your responsibility to make it be the best it can be, and I don't think that happened here. There were stories that just did not fit with the theme (including Panowich's own), and there were numerous typos and misused homophones throughout. (Seer when sear was meant, for example. As in "I felt the image sear into my mind." Seer is one who sees; sear is burning, scarring, etc.) It just really didn't feel... ready.

I'm gonna address each story within this collection, so beware of spoilers if you care, particularly for Omega Man. These stories were not all memorable and the one that is accomplished it for the wrong reasons, and even though I literally JUST finished it, I don't know how much of it I will recall. And that says something too.

- Last Exit: Pretty standard, predictable fare here. Murdered prostitute and the cop who loved her is investigating. I liked that it didn't denigrate that line of work from the cop's perspective. He saw her, and still living prostitutes that he wasn't in love with, as people, not just hookers. So that was nice. / 3 stars

- Omega Man: By far my least favorite of this entire collection. It was essentially being trapped in an incel's fucked up head, which is not a place I want to ever fucking be, and the justifications and mental gymnastics employed for this character to convince himself that he was in the right were absolutely fucking disgusting and deranged. And then the way the story ended... just... I can't. It was like the woman, who was the object of the attentions of these two men "competing" for her, was actually simply an object to be won and claimed, or lost. The "twist" at the end was, if possible, even more fucked up than the incel's delusions and stalking, because the seemingly normal guy that incel was trying to "win" the girl away from turned around and killed her just so that incel would "lose". But Ha Ha Ha! Joke's on you, guy, because now he has nothing to lose at all.

I love me some gritty, fucked up shit, but this crossed the line for me. I'm not one to shy away from misogynistic characters or events in fiction (even though I'm very much a feminist) but when I feel that the author is glorifying - or worse, encouraging and normalizing - those things, I am not OK with that. I can't read the "highly acclaimed" work of a certain SF author because he has used his platform as a very blatant and disgusting soapbox of hate and discrimination, and I can't help but see those traits and attitudes in his work. And so I wonder... not knowing anything at all about this story's author... how much of this is how he really thinks? The writing being first person means that the reader is never given any other POV but one, the one which completely justifies every action, no matter how abhorrent. No thanks. I don't think I'll be reading anything else from this guy. / 0 stars

- Give a Good Day: The first of the "I don't get how this story fits in this collection" stories. Something about the circular nature of time and grief, but also maybe time travel? I didn't really get it. It was decently well written though. / 3 stars

- Once Upon A Time In The Woods: The second of the "I don't get how this story fits in this collection" stories, and this one was Panowich's own. Kind of a twisted Snow White kidnapping revenge tale? It was well written, except for a typo, but it just didn't fit with this collection, so I don't really know what to think about it. / 3 stars

- Taking Flesh: So, this was one of the better stories of this collection for me, even though, on the surface, there's not much to like about it. I don't like carnivals, and I don't like douchey people being douchey. But, I could understand, and on one level, appreciate, why the main character was the way he was, and why he was doing what he was doing. There's a certain beauty in the unsuspectingly viewed ugly truth of the world, and the act of capturing that is something special - and unflinching view of the world, without the need to sugar coat or euphemize. But, we all have to exist within the confines of the world we inhabit, and the expectation of accolades for going against the grain is often unwarranted... at least without the aid of time and distance for context. I liked this story a lot. / 4 stars

- Lazarus, Come Forth: Completely predictable. 60 year old man gets led around by the dick and does the pretty girl's bidding only to be betrayed by her and shocked that she isn't in love with him after all. / 1 star

- The Roach Motel Reputation: This one... I'm a little torn on. I think the bones of the story, while a bit predictable, were good. But the structure and way it was told was a bit haphazard. It jumps around between present and backstory, starting around mid-story, almost at random, and while it DOES all come together in the end, I think that had the structure been cleaner, it would have worked a lot better for me but I did like it overall. / 3 stars

So, if I average it all out...
3+0+3+3+4+1+3 = 17/7 = 2.42

Yup, that seems about right. Since we don't have 1/2 stars, I'll be rounding down to 2 stars.

[Robert Cowan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a relative newcomer to the short story format, but books like this one will keep me coming back. A collection of noir pieces, sharing that melancholic atmosphere, but very diverse in subject matter. There are no re-treads here. Each has its own original spark, which is one of the collections strengths. The other is the shear quality of writing throughout, some of which is off the scale. A great introduction to some very talented writers.

[Chris Rhatigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short, tasty collection with some very fine stories that more or less fall into the noir category. Particularly dug Chris Leek's moody "Last Exit" about a guy searching for a lost love. Chuck Regan's "Taking Flesh" is a fascinating story about a photographer trying to recreate his first shoot at a carnival--a good example of a noir piece with no crime. And Ryan Sayles weighs in with the Roach Motel Reputation, in which Richard Buckner kicks nine types of ass (yes, there are that many ass types).

[Scott Cumming · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was maybe a touch of burn out with short fiction while reading this one, but I found it to be an up and down collection. Brian Panowich conjured up the unholy union of fairy tales and noir, but he does have the best author blurb. Isaac Kirkman's philosophical short probably deserved better than the stolen five minutes I was able to give it.

Chris Leek's "Last Exit" has been cited as the best story in the collection in several reviews, but I found it to be a bit over-stylised. It was Ryan Sayles' Richard Dean Buckner tale that I really enjoyed with it's more brutal Scudder-esque stylings. Benoit Lelievre's "Omega Man" was a great take on classic noir and with some great twists. Chuck Regan's yarn had some fine moments, but didn't fully satisfy.

A mixed bag, but not without some real winners.

[Rowena Hoseason · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a short, snappy and sometimes savage collection of neo-noir, although not all of the seven stories truly fall into that category. Some lean more towards the mysterious than the genre’s typically bleak and brutal tales of despair and moral destruction. For instance, ‘Once Upon A Time In The Woods’ mixes urban crime with mystical whimsy in a delightful which caught me completely off guard.

Others, like ‘Give A Good Day’ are not so much complete stories, more like slices of misery taken from the carcass of the human condition and stained on a slide for us to inspect under a microscope. If that sounds just a touch too miserable for you then be assured that not all of these finely-honed episodes conform to that oldest noir convention – the unhappy ending. ‘Last Exit’ at least offers a glimmer of redemption, of a future after the awfulness has ended.

There's more detail about the stories over at:
https://murdermayhemandmore.wordpress...

Of the seven stories, there was only one which I didn’t enjoy; not a bad batting average. However, this anthology didn’t last very long. It’s neatly put together and the different voices are well suited so that they overlap without repeating, but even so it was gone in under two hours. Still, it’s stunning value for less than a quid. You rarely get such high quality entertainment at that kind of price.
8/10

[Nik Korpon · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s nearly impossible not to buy a book with a title like Maybe I Should Just Shoot You in the Face, the latest release by Zelmer Pulp. Luckily, the writers are as talented as they are deranged.

Paul D. Brazill kicks it off with an insightful foreword about the different flavors of noir fiction, which nicely frames the rest of the book. All of these stories are dark, but the specific shade of that dark is what defines each one.

Chris Leek gives a nice, hardboiled tale of revenge. It’s a classic theme done well, with just enough fatalism to make you question the your feelings about the protagonist.

Benoit Lelievre follows with another revenge tale, though updated for the modern era and full of enough character manipulations and plot reversals that you have to forget trying to figure out the story and just settle in at let the man work.

Isaac Kirkman’s story is a great foil to the previous stories. Falling somewhere between metaphysical rumination and gritty vignette, it has some tinges of “Time is a flat circle,” but trades Cohle’s nihilistic pretention for honest emotion. There’s also a nice hat-tip to AJ Hayes snuck in there.

Brian Panowich takes a simple premise—two guys are hired to kidnap someone—and flips it on its head, letting the weirdness gradually build up into something straight out of a Twilight Zone episode written by Daniel Woodrell.

Chuck Regan’s “Taking Flesh” was the standout for me, which is saying a lot because all of the stories are fantastic. It follows a boy’s journey from hobby-photographer to art-star, with some creepy carnivals, creative musings, and an almost Faustian ending, all beautifully told.

Gareth Spark takes us back to the down and dirty, a double-crossing yarn full of duplicitous women, Eastern European thugs, and a swollen cop trying to reclaim his former glory. He brings to this story what I love about so much UK/European crime fiction, in that there are degenerates of all nations, all with a cultural vendetta against one another.

Ryan Sayles closes out the collection, leaving us only with the question, “What planet did this guy come from?” His recurring character, Richard Dean Bruckner, is all balls and barrels, and he applies both with extreme prejudice. Don Seigel should’ve made a movie out of him.

[Steven · Rating 3 out of 5]

The inspired title and the book cover is almost the best feature of this small collection of crime stories. The better stories, those by Chris Leek and Benoit Lelievre, are more interior driven, where showing how the focal character's deal, from the inside, with the loss of their girlfrends (one to murder, one to an old school rival) is the focus rather than showing the revenge they seek. Both stories are somewhat sedate when contrasted with the title and cover. My favorite story was Gareth Spark's "Lazarus Come Forth." An aging ex-soldier is trying to impress a younger girlfriend by helping her get revenge via robbery. In this story the balance between the interiority and the vividly described action seem just right. Not sedate at all.

[Paul · Rating 3 out of 5]

The biggest issue I have with this short story collection is the variability in quality.

The first story by Chris Leek - "Last Exit" is outstanding. I'm a true admirer of Frank Millers Sin City writing and Chris completely captures this hard boiled noir style. The book is almost worth getting just for this story. I loved it!
The second story "Omega Man" by Benoit Lelievre is pretty good and the final story "The Roach Motel Reputation" by Ryan Sayles is good.. but that's it really.

Everything else is just filler, and poor filler at that. It's not like there is a theme running through the short stories either. Crime and noir is supposed to be the theme, but if that is the theme, several of these stories should have been dropped. A shame really.

[Armand Rosamilia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dirty, gritty stories. The one author who drew me into this anthology had the weakest story, but it was still very good. Found a few new favorites and a few noir authors I've read before. Not a bad story in the bunch, really.

[Samantha Sanford · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fun little thriller. After spending too much time watching TV shows like yellowstone, I wanted to find books for my husband and I to read. I mostly read non fiction, and he doesn't read. He finished this in one night. It's short stories that suck you in.

[Robert P. Hoffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

An extraordinary selection of short stories. All worth one's time and some are mini masterpieces

[Joe Zillmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Indeed you should?

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another random find at the library and some awesome stories!

[Charlie Gibson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A little of this a little of that

Of course the title got me. How could it not? As might be expected, a few of the stories are pretty good, some not so much. Difficult to classify the last as noir, at least in the traditional sense. A bit of stream of consciousness, heavy going and for me going nowhere.

Ok, call me ' old-school.' Like everyone, I like what I like. I do try some neo-noir and am usually pleased. However, too much vulgarity for my taste. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing in here I've not heard nor read nor used myself. My feelings on gratuitous sex and violence is if it doesn't further the story who needs it? This collection, but for that one or two exceptions, isn't worth the time nor effort. Yet, you can't beat the price. You might find one author that does it for you. If so, happy reading. I've found a couple, good enough for me!

[Todd Morr · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent title and a great collection of dark crime stories to match from a variety of writers. Personal favorites Chris Leek and Ryan Sayles bookend the collection with two of the strongest pieces, but every story has something going for it.

[Jack · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hard boiled crime short stories

This is a collection of pulp-style crime stories written by various authors. Each writer bring their own style, which makes this format a good read. All were well written. Enjoyed this kind candy.

[Matthew · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty good. I enjoyed Chuck Regan very much!

[Jonathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fine collection of stories, some better than others. Reminded me of a gritty version of Ellery Queen magazine.

[Ed Bayha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoy a trip down a grimy back alley!

A good read, got chills a couple of times, especially when it got dark and quiet and all I could hear was my own breathing!