Ace & Proud: An Asexual Anthology

by A.K. Andrews

"An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who we are." (www.asexuality.org) This is an anthology of 17 true stories by real people about asexuality -- the invisible orientation that everyone's heard of, but few actually talk about or understand. Whether you're a newly-discovered asexual, someone who's known they're asexual for years, the friend or family of someone asexual, or someone who's just intrigued by asexuality in general, you're sure to find something in this anthology that interests you. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a selection of personal experiences, insights, and anecdotes from asexual writers around the world! The contents of this book include: Foreword by Victoria Beth (AVEN Project Team) "My Self-discovery, Thus Far"-Rebecca Nesor shares her experience as a 21st century asexual teenager, which involves an amusing anecdote about phone shopping and Minecraft. "A Geeky Love Story"-Suma walks us through the romantic tale of how sie joined a comics group looking for friendship and good times, and ended up falling in love. "Growing Up"-Phil Dalton offers a series of vignettes stretching over 30 years, from his childhood to the present day, about his attempts to fit into a sexual society. "Coming Out"-Melissa Keller explains why she has chosen not to come out to her friends and family, and explores the struggles that many asexual people face when coming out. "Being 'Normal' Is Overrated Anyway"-Ren describes how she discovered she wasn't as "normal" as she'd thought, and how she's come to embrace her asexuality. "Finding Grace"-Betty Badinbed reflects on the 20+ years of relationships-brief and lengthy, platonic and romantic, failed and successful-which have helped her hone her gray-ace identity. "Black Women Can Be Asexual Too"-Gabriella Grange explores her experiences as a black asexual young woman, including a sweet story about a handsome cellist and their shared passion for philosophy. "Fixing What Isn't Broken"-Emma Hopwood shares a humorous piece of prose poetry about how tough it is to be asexual in a sexual world. "I Just Don't Get It"-Jennifer Dyse offers insight into how hard it is to navigate school and relationships as an asexual, and the dangers that can come from trying too hard to be "normal." "An Asexual Teen"-Kaya Brown ruminates on her experiences as an asexual teen, on coming out to her mother, and on dealing with distrust from adults who don't understand asexuality. "Dream Guy"-Cionii shares a poem about inner beauty. "It's All Asexual To Me"-Jarrah Shub describes how learning about her asexuality early in her teenage years has helped her be more self-assured and happy with who she is. "When I Grow Up"-Shannon Brown debunks the myth that "everyone wants to have sex," and describes the various ways she's come out to her high school friends. "Just A Small Town Boy"-Cameron explains how growing up in a small town shaped his knowledge of sexuality, and how discovering asexuality has helped him better understand himself. "Coming Out To Myself: Not A Piece Of Cake"-Ennis discusses her journey, as a young lady with Asperger's syndrome, toward accepting her aromantic and asexual identity. "Copper Weddings"-Martin Spangsbro-Pedersen explains why he cast off his gay identity to instead identify as asexual, and describes his experiences as an activist within Denmark's LGBTQ+ community. "My Happily Ever After"-Cecily Summers explains how her definition of her own "happily ever after" changed after she identified herself as asexual. To find out more about asexuality, please visit the AVEN website (www.asexuality.org). To find out about future Ace & Proud projects, please visit purplecakepress.wordpress.com.

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Asexual, Anthologies, Romance, Sexuality

134 pages, Paperback

First published August 11, 2015

Reviews

[Emilija · Rating 3 out of 5]

This consisted of different articles concerning people and their asexuality. It was good, but all the articles had basically the same idea - I didn't know, I looked online and discovered asexuality and now I feel better. The subliminal message is probably that the person reading isn't alone, but it all felt too similar to each other. Further to that, the people chosen all felt really young. It would have been nicer to hear from older people as well, rather than younger people and those in their 20s and early 30s.

[A. Nixon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, honestly, none of the entries in this anthology blew me away in terms of writing style or turn of phrase but every one of them had me saying "Yes, that right there. Me too!" to some moment or captured feeling. And I think that's a stronger thing than a pretty sentence.

A great read for anyone who thinks they might be ace and probably a good read for anyone who knows someone who's ace. There is power in knowing that you are not alone and this book has that in spades.

[Tala🦈 (mrs.skywalker.reads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Takie 3,5 z serduszkiem — gdybym nie siedziała w temacie tak, jak już się zagłębiłam, to byłabym zachwycona, ale to i tak wartościowa, podnosząca na duchu lektura

[Martyna Antonina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Konwencja tej książki jest bardzo luźna - to zlepek 17 krótkich anegdotek osób aseksualnych; dotyczących odkrywania własnej tożsamości, radzenia sobie z presją społeczną, coming outu, mniej i bardziej udanych związków. Nie jest to zbiór będący dobrym świadectwem informacyjnym w kwestii aseksualności i uważam, że osoby alloseksualne, chcące zgłębić swoją wiedzę w jej obrębie, nie wyciągną z niej wiele. Natomiast dla wszystkich asek i asów lektura tej antologii z pewnością będzie miłym doświadczeniem, pozwalającym odnaleźć swoje odzwierciedlenie w jakiejś przestrzeni literackiej.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this anthology. Reading about other's experience with Asexuality is something that I've always enjoyed and many of these texts explain quite well the experience and feelings of the authors. In some cases they told me experiences I had no knowledge of, others I could recognize pieces of me in their stories... All in all pretty satisfying.
I specially appreciated the older authors, who were capable of giving me a longer view of how they progressed through life. And the one example of a black person, I'm not one and I KNOW there is an issue with all the whiteness in the community, but I've never had the opportunity to understand WHY there aren´t more POCs around. She gives a glimpse of why and I appreciate that enormously.

All in all. I recommend the read if you are interested in reading other's experiences with asexuality. And I hope eventually more compilations would be done.

[Hugo Demets · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dit was echt een leuk boekje om te lezen.
Zeventien aseksuele mensen vertellen hun verhaal, van hoe ze hun aseksualiteit ontdekten, of ze het aan hun naasten kenbaar maakten, en hoe ze er verder mee omgaan.
Hij het zijn vooral getuigenissen van jonge mensen, die reageerden op een oproep op de AVEN-website, jammer genoeg maar één dertiger en één veertiger. Allemaal mensen die graag schrijven, en dat is aan de stijl te merken. Het is meestal echt leuk om de vlot geschreven verhalen te lezen.

In een andere review hier op Goodreads las ik dat de verhalen bijna allemaal zijn samen te vatten als: “ik voelde me onzeker over relaties, ik ging op het internet op zoek naar wat mis met me was, ik ontdekte aseksualiteit, ik vertelde het (of niet) aan een paar vrienden, en ik voelde me veel beter in mijn vel.”

Dat is inderdaad zo, maar dat doet niks af aan de waarde van de getuigenissen, waar andere aseksuelen zeker iets aan zullen hebben.
Zo gaat dat nu eenmaal in de 21e eeuw, en ook ik ontdekte mijn eigen aseksualiteit 15 jaar geleden dankzij de AVEN-website, vertelde het aan mijn beste vriendin, die pas daarna mijn partner werd. Ik besef nu wel hoe vroeg ik erbij was, want AVEN bestond toen nog maar een jaar in het Nederlands.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This anthology is sweet, if a bit same-y. There’s a formulaic-ness to most of the contributions, given they’re largely young people largely talking about discovering their asexuality. But Gen-Z fill me with hope, honestly. They’re very switched on and active in social justice and it’s great to read.

I’m going to be patronizing as all heck and say that a couple of the writers gave me very nostalgic flashbacks of my younger self, forging a path through sexuality online (including dear Tumblr, my baby lesbian self’s old stomping ground).

There’s a superficiality to the accounts, of course. I assume there were word limits involved and a lot of the authors are young and just figuring stuff out, but if there were future anthologies, more depth and more varied perspectives would be interesting. More about living as an asexual throughout life rather than just that coming out bit.

Relatedly, I noticed a couple of the authors were very keen to shuck off any suggestion of childhood trauma, which I get. I’m a lesbian, and the childhood trauma questions tend to get thrown at us too. But I wonder where that leaves asexual abuse survivors, who may feel delegitimized, although I’m not suggesting for a moment this was the intention of any of the authors here. I just think that discussing sexuality/asexuality can include nuances that aren’t always positive and can feel impossibly tangled, but that may ultimately spark more multi-layered insights.

[Sarah Bell · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short book with a collection of ace experiences. It was really nice to read about other aces & how they came to discover their aseuxality. I will say it would have been nicer to see a little wider range of experiences (a lot of these stories were people thinking there was something wrong with them & then discovering about asexuality online, which I appreciate is a very common ace experience, but I'm sure is not the only way people have learnt about asexuality.)

I would also say that although this book is only 7 years old, parts of it already felt pretty dated.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Esta ha sido una antología interesante, aunque creo que le hace falta un poco más de diversidad. Especialmente, en relación con las edades de la gente porque da la sensación de que todo el mundo que es asexual es adolescente o veinteañeres. Bueno, y también estaría bien ver más gente racializada.

Una cosa que aprecio es que hayan incluido a gente no binaria. La verdad es que me ha gustado pero algunas experiencias se hacen un poco repetitivas, aunque eso suene un poco mal.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I bought this book I thought it was a book of fictional stories about ace characters. However, I think it is better than that, being asexual's accounts of their experiences. Whether it is how they discovered they were ace or how they are living as an ace person, all the stories are uplifting and inspiring. My one complaint, and this is the reason for only 4 stars, is that all the contributers are young people, and as a 62 year old who has only very recently realised that I am ace, it would have been nice to have at least one story that represented me. People complain that they don't see themselves represented in the media, and now I understand why. There are a lot of us oldies, who are new to the ace world, and are still finding our feet here, and our stories need to be heard too.
However, having said that, this is an excellent book and I thoroughly recommend it.

[K.B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book about ace-rep. Ideal for everyone who are questioning their sexuality or who just want to understand ace people better.

[Ashley Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend offered this because I always refused to date any of the people she tried to set me up with (both male and female).
I am so glad she recommended it, and I will also be recommending it, because I finally feel like I'm not just some weird person that just doesn't like dating.

[Ariel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was amazing for me as someone who is just learning and trying to accept that as a part of my identity. Even though I am rating this very high I did feel a lot of the stories were really similar but for the first time I didn't feel alone when I was reading this

[Samantha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains basically a collection of articles written from a personal perspective of those who are asexual from all over the world and in differing age groups. It is their journey of self-discovery through the sexual world to realising they are asexual and how that informed how they see themselves and how that changed their relationships with others.

I found the stories interesting, there is nothing here you couldn't find on Tumblr or visiting the AVEN website but it is nice to see them collected in one volume. It would have been better to have seen a more balanced view from a few more maturer voices. Also the glossary is a little limited. But nonetheless there are too few books published on asexuality so it is good to see one more.

[MissMajuu · Rating 3 out of 5]

Unfortunately this was very disappointing.
The main reason for that, was the fact that the stories were quite repetitive and too similar.
There are a lot of different nuances under the asexual umbrella and in this book maybe two of them were covered, most common being the 'I didn't get it and never had a crush'. While this experience is totally valid, I can't relate to these experiences because how I experience it is vastly different.
I just wished there would've been more different stories and also that these were longer

[Alice-Elizabeth (Prolific Reader Alice) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read via KU (Kindle Unlimited!)

I first saw this across several users' Instagram accounts and knew that I had to read it. It is a quick and honest anthology that lots of writers have contributed to. I hadn't read a lot of content with asexuality in, so it was a good book to start with. I'm keen to read more asexual representation. All of the essays included are real-life and very reflective. Highly recommended!

[Tasha Turner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Learned a bit

Learned more about asexuality from a number of people’s essays. Good to see books like this available & accessible to help figure oneself out & better understand those around us.

[Abby Grundy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Coming from a person who is asexual, this book was something I could really relate to. I’ve known for a long time that I’m ace but reading these and seeing that a lot of people from around the world have similar experiences to me is great to read about. I enjoyed the book a bunch.

[☼ anne ☼ · Rating 4 out of 5]

[3.75]

[Emi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very relatable. I deeply connected to most of the stories, saw myself reflected in them.
However, I felt a lot of the stories were very similar, probably because most of the people in this book were young. It would have been better if there were stories written by older people with more life experiences.

autochorissexualityって言葉初めて知った。

[E · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would have prefered more variantions of people in the book (I hope that makes sense in english). Most people in the book were quite young. And white, or so I presume. And cis. I'm 26 years but I felt really old while reading the stories.

[Ellen · Rating 2 out of 5]

The individual experiences were all very similar and all mostly written by teens. I would have liked to have read the experiences from people of all ages and written with distinct voices. There are times it makes you stop and think and consider sex and relationships from.a different perspective.

[♠ TABI⁷ ♠ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very short, all the stories were kind of the same, and after reading several books about asexuality, they all tend to blur together.

[Prachi Pati · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed to give this book a 5 start, just for existing. It is difficult to find fiction or non fiction on asexuality, so kudos for the editors and to the AVEN community for this non fiction anthology.

I personally dont like the concept of categories or boxes. We're all so different, unique and constantly changing that I find it hard to box others and myself into categories with conviction. I guess that's the crux of the problem - when you start boxing people into specifics. This or that. Then we come up with new boxes and before you know it, you're losing track of all the boxes there are and still confused about where you fit in at that moment in time!

But I also understand why a name is important. Its like a conclusion, something concrete to hold on to, when you feel like a freak. With every experience in this anthology, I felt like I was hearing a part of me or reading my own diary. It is hard to write a review for this book without telling the world why this is so important to me. I've heard similar things from well meaning friends and family - maybe there was some trauma, maybe you havent found thr right one yet, maybe its some other deficiency, maybe its a side effect of ageing, maybe you havent experimented enough.

For many of us, it could actually be one of the above reasons, for many, it could just be who we are. Is it necessary that life and relationships will be meaningful only if we conform?

I have a few more books - fiction and non fiction with ace representation that I'm planning to read..looking forward to those as well.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a collection of short stories, or essays, by asexual people talking about how they found out they were asexual.

It's a good read, particularly for those who are just discovering that they are asexual and want to know more, or just read about other people's experiences.

Overall, while it was a good enough read, I don't think I learnt much from this, but I did appreciate what it was trying to do and I appreciated reading about other experiences like my own. I did learn about one new word, which I am going to look into further as it relates to experiences I've had myself.

I think some of the essays, while still very personal and very valid, did get a bit repetitive, so it would have been nice to have a broader spectrum to read from, such as more stories from those who are around my age or even older, rather than the majority being from very young people. I don't mean this to sound like I don't want to read those stories, because I do - it would just be nice to have the perspective of older ace people as well.

That being said, I really liked the stories Copper Weddings, Growing Up, Coming Out, Finding Grace, and Black People Can Be Asexual Too.

I'd recommend this to anyone trying to figure things out or if they're new to the term and want to know more. Whether you are asexual or not, it's good to read from experiences outside your own, so give this anthology a try. It's cheap to get in print, and even cheaper on Kindle!

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This title intrigued me, I wanted to understand the mindset and feelings that makeup the emotions/desires of these individuals. It does provide confirmation that they are not alone, in having no or little interest in sexual attraction. I sense that often teenagers are only responding to peer pressure in looking for a steady boy or girl friend in high school. I feel their sexual identity is not fully developed until they are in their early twenties. At that time there is less peer pressure so they can really seek to understand their true feelings. It may be a natural part of the maturation process of becoming an adult, allowing them to comprehend the long-term impact it can have over their lifetime. It provides time for them to feel comfortable with who they are. It provides confirmation that communities exist where they can discuss their feelings without being judged or being forced to “Come-out”, if that is not their desire. It also shows the various levels of attraction or non-attraction within this community of human beings.

I think everyone would be better off if they concentrated on a romantic or emotional connections before allowing the sexual attraction to enter the relationship. If there were less sexual images in the media and on the internet, then perhaps it would be easier to focus on the romantic or emotional connections.

[Swagata Tarafdar · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my 37 years of existence on earth, I have heard about women who are labelled as 'frigid'. I have heard of men who are disinterested in physical intimacy. But it's the first time I'm learning that they may have an altogether different sexual orientation, thanks to this book. So far, I knew of only two sexual orientations- straight and gay. This is the first time I came to learn about the "Kinsey Scale" which graded sexuality on a 0-6 scale, with 0 being fully heterosexual and 6 being fully homosexual. There's even an "X", which stands for asexuals.

This book is a project of AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network), which was founded in 2001 by David Jay for asexuals. This anthology is a collection of stories written by asexual writers from around the globe. I got to know the nuances of sexuality, like differences between "heterosexuality" and "heteroromantic" or terms like "demi-girl" from this book. This whetted my interest in further academic studies on the subject of sexuality and I ended up reading some very informative articles in various websites. The book may not have great literary value, but it offers great insights into the lives and behavioural patterns of asexuals.

Sexuality is very much a part of our lives. I think we should all learn more about it as our views on sexuality are mostly restricted to socially acceptable forms.

[Dawn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was a bit gobsmacked to discover this book in a local charity shop in my area of East London - I thought I was the proverbial only Ace in the village (probably I'm to be fair; it's yummy mummy central). Thus, I had to buy it given the absolute dearth of Ace-related stuff available.

Bit disappointed with this collection. I didn't mind the fact that the essays weren't that well written as few of the contributors claim to professional writers. But, it was frustrating that so many of them were teenagers or in their early 20s. I would prefer to read more stories about older Aces - particularly as I am 38 and have only just discovered "asexuality" was even a thing in the last couple of years. I think many older Aces might similarly be new to realising their identity because they never flipping realised it existed.

I might investigate if Purple Cake press, the publishers, have any more anthologies that feature older people.

[Qukatheg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ace & Proud: An Asexual Anthology is a collection of non-fiction writings, featuring 19 authors who are on the asexuality spectrum. The stories tell their personal experiences with being asexual. There are a lot of common themes. From a childhood of feeling different, feeling broken, never quite fitting in, to discovering the asexuality label, to coming out. From self acceptance and being accepted by family and friends, to facing confusion and misunderstanding.

I think this anthology could have immense value to anyone questioning whether they might be on the asexual spectrum, and those newly identifying as asexual and looking for confirmation that they are not the only one going through life having these type of outside-the-norm experiences.

The stories are affirming and inspiring. Reading this gave me such a rush.

[lune · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The entire world doesn’t know how you feel though, so don’t listen to them. Listen to yourself."

É muito frustrante que a internet seja praticamente nosso único meio de obter as respostas pra se descobrir, todas as histórias precisaram de fóruns ou tumblr e eu todas as pessoas que conheci também foi pela internet. O meu processo não foi tão ávido em buscar respostas, mas é triste pensar nas pessoas que buscam validação que vão demorar anos a ter acesso a informações porque não tem acesso a meios.

Dá uma aliviada ver que várias pessoas na antologia estão ativamente tentando tornar assexualidade mais conhecida e tive sorte de encontrar pessoas online que estão fazendo o mesmo, criando histórias, projetos de pesquisas etc. É um longo caminho ainda e como citado em todas as histórias a AVEN é muito proativa e sempre presente.