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Apostle
Benji is plagued with an insatiable need to kill. By artistically displaying the corpses of his victims, he relishes in the belief he is immortalizing them while he feeds his inner monster. But the life of a serial killer is a lonely one, and sixteen-year-old drifter Beth has sparked in him a desire to fulfill the role of pernicious mentor. Benji teaches Beth to harness the thrill of human fear, to dominate, and to kill. As their partnership grows into a profound friendship, spanning three years, Beth begins to desire a deeper connection with the inept sociopath. The fantasy of romance seemingly one-sided, heartbroken Beth goes rogue. Set in Ontario in the early 1970s, when feminists, hippies and environmentalists swarmed; when peace was at the forefront and trust in a fellow stranger was normal, Beth has no idea how much danger she is in. Forced into a karmic situation, the story becomes one of consequence, repentance and self-realization.
- GenresFiction
405 pages, Paperback
First published October 31, 2014
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54 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
February 21, 2016
This book hurts. The pain is emotional and psychological. It's a blistering intensity that made me flinch and squirm. At times, I had to put the book down, breathe, do something else. Forget. Yet, I never once considered not returning to this story.
Before entering this world, you need to know that this isn't a polite read. The content is graphic. We have some intense violence, but never in a gratuitous fashion. It's there to move the story, and to move us, the readers. The content is also graphic in a psychological sense. This is a true psychological thriller. We are placed in the minds of twisted, damaged psychopaths, and the world looks quite different through their eyes.
The pace is fast, the twists unexpected and brutal. The author spares no one. She shows us the truth of the world beneath our pretty facade, and dares us to stare that truth in the face.
Lacey Crowe takes us on a disturbing ride that is guaranteed to knock you out of your comfort zone. I knew I should despise Benji and Beth, but I couldn't and didn't, and instead found myself hoping beyond reason that they would find peace. And then I realized that, in doing so, my definition of peace would have to be radically altered to fit whole new parameters.
A good book entertains me. A great book immerses me in emotions, makes me care when I don't necessarily want to, makes me question what I thought I knew about myself. Lacey Crowe has written a great book.
Before entering this world, you need to know that this isn't a polite read. The content is graphic. We have some intense violence, but never in a gratuitous fashion. It's there to move the story, and to move us, the readers. The content is also graphic in a psychological sense. This is a true psychological thriller. We are placed in the minds of twisted, damaged psychopaths, and the world looks quite different through their eyes.
The pace is fast, the twists unexpected and brutal. The author spares no one. She shows us the truth of the world beneath our pretty facade, and dares us to stare that truth in the face.
Lacey Crowe takes us on a disturbing ride that is guaranteed to knock you out of your comfort zone. I knew I should despise Benji and Beth, but I couldn't and didn't, and instead found myself hoping beyond reason that they would find peace. And then I realized that, in doing so, my definition of peace would have to be radically altered to fit whole new parameters.
A good book entertains me. A great book immerses me in emotions, makes me care when I don't necessarily want to, makes me question what I thought I knew about myself. Lacey Crowe has written a great book.
May 28, 2015
Every so often a book comes along that questions who we are as humans, a book that shows us exactly how flawed we are, while reminding us that we're nonetheless deserving of love. Apostle is such a book. As I read this, I judged and reviled the main characters for the apparent ease with which they committed their evils, yet found myself caring about them and stubbornly rooting for them. I was riveted to this book not because the characters were perfect (they're definitely not), because I wanted them to see the error of their ways. I wanted them to realize their noble dreams because, for reasons that stretch my moral beliefs, the author made me feel compassion for them. I felt as if Beth and Benji were my children who had wandered down a dirty road of tragic mistakes, and as much as I disapproved of their actions, I still loved them and wanted them to eventually find the righteous path. The writing is akin to Steinbeck in its matter-of-fact style, and true to style, it questions our morals and motives as humans. Make no mistake about it, there is a hell of a lot of evil in this book, but this isn't an 80's slasher story. Apostle is reminiscent of early 20th Century literature rather than the current pile of pulp that generally gets published these days.
Quick synopsis:
Beth, a naive young girl of sixteen, is drawn to good-looking serial killer Benji at a campground in Ontario. Benji takes her under his wing, feeling that he must be her protector and mentor. He teaches her the thrill and release (and sometimes justification) for killing. Having been drawn into dire circumstances, Beth tries to prove to her new companion, and to herself, that she is a worthy student. Taken with Benji's charm, she exceeds his expectations as a killer. Together they become a Bonnie and Clyde sort of team. Tension between them mounts, neither acknowledging their feelings or confessing them to the other. When Beth is seized by a human monster more evil than her beloved Benji, she is forced to undergo a transformation in character. Benji, too, in his fruitless search for her, is forced to become someone he never thought he'd become.
In order to see if Beth escapes with her life, and just how much of a life remains for her, you'll have to read the book for yourself. I won't spoil it for you. But trust me, I've read dozens of books by new authors and found that most of them delivered little more than amateur storytelling. This one, however, was well worth my time and money.
Quick synopsis:
Beth, a naive young girl of sixteen, is drawn to good-looking serial killer Benji at a campground in Ontario. Benji takes her under his wing, feeling that he must be her protector and mentor. He teaches her the thrill and release (and sometimes justification) for killing. Having been drawn into dire circumstances, Beth tries to prove to her new companion, and to herself, that she is a worthy student. Taken with Benji's charm, she exceeds his expectations as a killer. Together they become a Bonnie and Clyde sort of team. Tension between them mounts, neither acknowledging their feelings or confessing them to the other. When Beth is seized by a human monster more evil than her beloved Benji, she is forced to undergo a transformation in character. Benji, too, in his fruitless search for her, is forced to become someone he never thought he'd become.
In order to see if Beth escapes with her life, and just how much of a life remains for her, you'll have to read the book for yourself. I won't spoil it for you. But trust me, I've read dozens of books by new authors and found that most of them delivered little more than amateur storytelling. This one, however, was well worth my time and money.
November 4, 2015
"A strange depression came over me when I realized something inside of me was surely unbalanced-shifted off the moral scale. The journey toward complete self awareness isn't taken by many, perhaps because they fear their own souls. It's a sick acknowledgment of oneself, and in acknowledging this I also acknowledged the monster who shared the space within the walls of my bodily vessel...."
Benji is sharing his memoirs with us. From the time he was just a little boy he was born on a path of evil. How does one become a serial killer exactly? Let Benji hold your hand and take you on the scariest look inside the mind of someone who can tell you. Let Benji explain his monster to you.
Set in the 1970's we meet Beth. Benji is captivated by her. Fearful she'll somehow expose his real self after a eventful evening. Benji feels the need to mentor Beth. He feels a kinship that only he can cultivate. Set in a time when were so much more trusting. Beth has no idea where this friendship will lead.
Then we hear from Beth and her entries describing their relationship. Maybe Benji will help Beth find a way to be at peace with who she really is. Benji seems to accept himself. She can hope can't she? Some how they find a kinship that few ever have. I dare say that Benji actually blossoms with his talk of murder and misery around Beth. She in turn is fascinated by him. Together they're the scariest couple you'd ever run into -and hope you never do.
"As I mentally checked off this list of emotions, I realized I was lacking the one Benji was looking for-fear."
As they travel together have a first account witness to their activities. The victims they meet. What draws them together and what causes them to act apart. That part was so disturbing to me. This young girl off on her own killing people and enjoying it. Then this book turns in another direction. Can Beth and Benji stay alive? Do they drift apart or does something tear them apart?
I enjoyed this book immensely. Extremely realistic and horrifying. You won't be able to put this book down. There is a continued anticipation as you make your way through their words and through their twisted world.
"In personal reflection, I had found Monster. And I had welcomed him. And this is where I will begin his introduction....."
" Apostle: An apostle, from Classical Greek ἀπόστολος (apóstolos), meaning "one who is sent away", is a messenger and ambassador. The purpose of such "sending away" is to convey messages, and thus "messenger" is a common alternative translation. source: Wikipedia
Dark. Haunting and unable to forget even after its ended. Is it real? It feels real. Not for the faint of heart.
Thank you to Lacey Crow for asking me to read this and providing this A.R.C.
Benji is sharing his memoirs with us. From the time he was just a little boy he was born on a path of evil. How does one become a serial killer exactly? Let Benji hold your hand and take you on the scariest look inside the mind of someone who can tell you. Let Benji explain his monster to you.
Set in the 1970's we meet Beth. Benji is captivated by her. Fearful she'll somehow expose his real self after a eventful evening. Benji feels the need to mentor Beth. He feels a kinship that only he can cultivate. Set in a time when were so much more trusting. Beth has no idea where this friendship will lead.
Then we hear from Beth and her entries describing their relationship. Maybe Benji will help Beth find a way to be at peace with who she really is. Benji seems to accept himself. She can hope can't she? Some how they find a kinship that few ever have. I dare say that Benji actually blossoms with his talk of murder and misery around Beth. She in turn is fascinated by him. Together they're the scariest couple you'd ever run into -and hope you never do.
"As I mentally checked off this list of emotions, I realized I was lacking the one Benji was looking for-fear."
As they travel together have a first account witness to their activities. The victims they meet. What draws them together and what causes them to act apart. That part was so disturbing to me. This young girl off on her own killing people and enjoying it. Then this book turns in another direction. Can Beth and Benji stay alive? Do they drift apart or does something tear them apart?
I enjoyed this book immensely. Extremely realistic and horrifying. You won't be able to put this book down. There is a continued anticipation as you make your way through their words and through their twisted world.
"In personal reflection, I had found Monster. And I had welcomed him. And this is where I will begin his introduction....."
" Apostle: An apostle, from Classical Greek ἀπόστολος (apóstolos), meaning "one who is sent away", is a messenger and ambassador. The purpose of such "sending away" is to convey messages, and thus "messenger" is a common alternative translation. source: Wikipedia
Dark. Haunting and unable to forget even after its ended. Is it real? It feels real. Not for the faint of heart.
Thank you to Lacey Crow for asking me to read this and providing this A.R.C.
November 10, 2015
I probably have to start by saying that Apostle really will not be everyone's cup of tea. To be honest it could probably do with some sort of warning on it for containing quite graphic violence.
The story itself started off quite slowly and felt slightly that it was written with young adults in mind as well as adults, in my opinion though, this book is definitely not suitable for readers under the age of 16. Apart from the beginning of the story though the rest of it certainly does feel like it is more for the adult audience.
Benji is basically a serial killer, he gets his kicks out of killing unsuspecting victims. The only feelings he really gets is when he is finding his newest victim and killing them. That all changes though when he meets Beth. From the moment he meets Beth he knows that he should kill her but for some strange reason he can't go through with it.
Beth is quite a damaged character and because she finds Benji intriguing, she allows him to bring her darker side to the surface and let him teach her to become a killer also.
It takes Beth to disappear for Benji to realise that he has fallen in love with her. The time that the two of them spend apart makes them both take a long serious look into who they are and what they are doing.
The author goes quite a bit into detail when Benji and Beth go on their killing sprees but I actually found that nothing to later on in the novel when the author throws a very unexpected twist in. I actually found that I was pushed out of my comfort zone at times when reading this novel. Some parts were a bit to graphic for my liking and made for uncomfortable reading. The sad thing is though that in reality killers are very much at large and some of the horrific acts that they perform on their victims that we read in fiction books is sadly true to life. In Benji and Beth we very much get to delve into the dark and twisted mind of a killer.
Apostle is actually a very well written novel. It is a very dark, highly disturbing and chilling read that in parts I found quite horrific yet it truly captivated me. It certainly isn't a novel for everyone but I think for fans of this genre in particular it will be a big hit.
My thanks to the author for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
The story itself started off quite slowly and felt slightly that it was written with young adults in mind as well as adults, in my opinion though, this book is definitely not suitable for readers under the age of 16. Apart from the beginning of the story though the rest of it certainly does feel like it is more for the adult audience.
Benji is basically a serial killer, he gets his kicks out of killing unsuspecting victims. The only feelings he really gets is when he is finding his newest victim and killing them. That all changes though when he meets Beth. From the moment he meets Beth he knows that he should kill her but for some strange reason he can't go through with it.
Beth is quite a damaged character and because she finds Benji intriguing, she allows him to bring her darker side to the surface and let him teach her to become a killer also.
It takes Beth to disappear for Benji to realise that he has fallen in love with her. The time that the two of them spend apart makes them both take a long serious look into who they are and what they are doing.
The author goes quite a bit into detail when Benji and Beth go on their killing sprees but I actually found that nothing to later on in the novel when the author throws a very unexpected twist in. I actually found that I was pushed out of my comfort zone at times when reading this novel. Some parts were a bit to graphic for my liking and made for uncomfortable reading. The sad thing is though that in reality killers are very much at large and some of the horrific acts that they perform on their victims that we read in fiction books is sadly true to life. In Benji and Beth we very much get to delve into the dark and twisted mind of a killer.
Apostle is actually a very well written novel. It is a very dark, highly disturbing and chilling read that in parts I found quite horrific yet it truly captivated me. It certainly isn't a novel for everyone but I think for fans of this genre in particular it will be a big hit.
My thanks to the author for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
November 2, 2017
Apostle is a rousing dark thriller about a serial killer, Benjamin Lynch who began his killing spree at an early age. He meets Hollow who has similar interests like him and the two become inseparable. Hollow is Benji’s young partner in crime, but she still has to understand how to deal with his complex mood swings and insecurities.
They both love the excitement of the kill, but Hollow suddenly decides she wants to hunt and kill the prey herself. This bothers Benji since Hollow has become overconfident and careless when she abducts her victims. She could attract unwanted attention. He has spent years improving his skills as a meticulous murderer who prefers to remain in the shadows. Maybe taking a partner, even one who is so attractive, wasn’t a good idea at all.
Apostle, which has its setting in Ontario during the 1970’s is sometimes narrated by Benji. There are stirring conversations and violent scenes. The protagonist remembers his lonely, painful past and is convinced there is a monster in him that’s hard to control. He and Hollow struggle from moodiness, remorse, and complexities while attempting to make positive changes in their lives. However, old habits aren’t easy to change.
Lacey Crowe’s writing is clear, fluent and expressive. In fact, “expressive” is the key-word. She elaborated in great depth about the inner emotions and thoughts of these serial killers who blend easily into society because they look normal, but feel like misfits most of the time. This is an intense, graphic thriller that made me pensive at times because it seemed so convincing.
They both love the excitement of the kill, but Hollow suddenly decides she wants to hunt and kill the prey herself. This bothers Benji since Hollow has become overconfident and careless when she abducts her victims. She could attract unwanted attention. He has spent years improving his skills as a meticulous murderer who prefers to remain in the shadows. Maybe taking a partner, even one who is so attractive, wasn’t a good idea at all.
Apostle, which has its setting in Ontario during the 1970’s is sometimes narrated by Benji. There are stirring conversations and violent scenes. The protagonist remembers his lonely, painful past and is convinced there is a monster in him that’s hard to control. He and Hollow struggle from moodiness, remorse, and complexities while attempting to make positive changes in their lives. However, old habits aren’t easy to change.
Lacey Crowe’s writing is clear, fluent and expressive. In fact, “expressive” is the key-word. She elaborated in great depth about the inner emotions and thoughts of these serial killers who blend easily into society because they look normal, but feel like misfits most of the time. This is an intense, graphic thriller that made me pensive at times because it seemed so convincing.
August 31, 2018
I read this a while ago (a friend lent me their copy) and I've been dying to re-read it for such a long time!
The concept is refreshing and intriguing! Who said there is nothing new under the sun, eh?
This story had me hooked from start to finish, leaving unsure how to function in the real world after turning that last page.
Let's not even go into the plot twists! To say I spent a good majority of the book with my jaw on the floor would be an understatement.
A definite favorite!
The concept is refreshing and intriguing! Who said there is nothing new under the sun, eh?
This story had me hooked from start to finish, leaving unsure how to function in the real world after turning that last page.
Let's not even go into the plot twists! To say I spent a good majority of the book with my jaw on the floor would be an understatement.
A definite favorite!
November 28, 2015
This is a thriller, full of suspense and violence. The author, Lacey Crowe gets into the head of Benji and describes him and his killings in a way that pulls you into the book. Benji feels a need to kill, and he finally stops denying himself and becomes a serial killer. His thrill is to make his killings an artform, so that each body will always be remembered.
Benji is handsome and charming and gets the attention of Beth – a lonely and homeless teenager. Their strange friendship turns into a mutual desire to kill. After Beth makes her first kill, her journey is forever changed. “I’d done it. I’d made my first kill – the kill that had also murdered all that was human inside of me. There was no going back. I’d killed someone. I am a killer. I am a murderer. I am an artist.” Beth, chapter 17 of Apostle
Benji and Beth have a strong attraction and connection to each other, but it doesn’t evolve into romance. When Benji gets a girlfriend, Beth becomes extremely jealous. Beth knows Benji so well, and wants to possess his love also.
You know the saying, “good things happen to good people,” well this book shows that bad things happen to bad people. You find it strange that you are scared and worried when something horrible happens to Beth, and you wish for her to survive and get away. I think it’s just that we don’t want evil to happen to anyone. We want to believe that bad people can be rehabilitated.
This book is full of suspense, murder, violence, rape and torture. Lacey Crowe has a writing style which grabs your attention and keeps you anxious for what will happen next. It’s definitely a book that made me uncomfortable with the evil and violence – Lacey Crowe has an imagination that isn’t afraid to look at the dark side of life. I don’t like to describe the characters or storyline in too much detail, this is the job of the author, they are the expert. I received a copy of this book from the author, in exchange for an honest review.
Benji is handsome and charming and gets the attention of Beth – a lonely and homeless teenager. Their strange friendship turns into a mutual desire to kill. After Beth makes her first kill, her journey is forever changed. “I’d done it. I’d made my first kill – the kill that had also murdered all that was human inside of me. There was no going back. I’d killed someone. I am a killer. I am a murderer. I am an artist.” Beth, chapter 17 of Apostle
Benji and Beth have a strong attraction and connection to each other, but it doesn’t evolve into romance. When Benji gets a girlfriend, Beth becomes extremely jealous. Beth knows Benji so well, and wants to possess his love also.
You know the saying, “good things happen to good people,” well this book shows that bad things happen to bad people. You find it strange that you are scared and worried when something horrible happens to Beth, and you wish for her to survive and get away. I think it’s just that we don’t want evil to happen to anyone. We want to believe that bad people can be rehabilitated.
This book is full of suspense, murder, violence, rape and torture. Lacey Crowe has a writing style which grabs your attention and keeps you anxious for what will happen next. It’s definitely a book that made me uncomfortable with the evil and violence – Lacey Crowe has an imagination that isn’t afraid to look at the dark side of life. I don’t like to describe the characters or storyline in too much detail, this is the job of the author, they are the expert. I received a copy of this book from the author, in exchange for an honest review.
March 27, 2016
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I received this book to give an honest review.
I do not see a trigger warning but here it is. There is death, rape, torture and I say this should be read by 18 on up.
This book is told though the eyes of a serial killer but not just one serial killer. We start the story with Benji and we get a feel on who he is as a person he doesn't want a relationship but it all changes when he meets Beth. She is something special to him so he takes her under his wing and teaches her his ways. They have fun for a bit, and even though they are not together you can see how Beth starts falling for Benji but being a serial killer he doesn't have emotions so it is like he doesn't even know. When one decision comes about we are thrown into a huge twist in this story one I didn't see coming and let me tell you it gets graphic and is not for the faint of heart.
This book is filled with a lot of violence and I felt for one of the main characters it broke my heart the hand that was dealt but Karma always has a way of coming back. I thought it was pretty neat how Benji and Beth try to live normal lives but never get close to anyone until Sam comes along.
Can a love change a serial killer?
I really enjoyed this story through the eyes of a serial killer and a victim. Yes I said victim because once you get towards the middle-end part that is what one person becomes.
I know this book is not real but it makes you think of the crazy serial killers that are out there and you hope you never meet one.
I received this book to give an honest review.
I do not see a trigger warning but here it is. There is death, rape, torture and I say this should be read by 18 on up.
This book is told though the eyes of a serial killer but not just one serial killer. We start the story with Benji and we get a feel on who he is as a person he doesn't want a relationship but it all changes when he meets Beth. She is something special to him so he takes her under his wing and teaches her his ways. They have fun for a bit, and even though they are not together you can see how Beth starts falling for Benji but being a serial killer he doesn't have emotions so it is like he doesn't even know. When one decision comes about we are thrown into a huge twist in this story one I didn't see coming and let me tell you it gets graphic and is not for the faint of heart.
This book is filled with a lot of violence and I felt for one of the main characters it broke my heart the hand that was dealt but Karma always has a way of coming back. I thought it was pretty neat how Benji and Beth try to live normal lives but never get close to anyone until Sam comes along.
Can a love change a serial killer?
I really enjoyed this story through the eyes of a serial killer and a victim. Yes I said victim because once you get towards the middle-end part that is what one person becomes.
I know this book is not real but it makes you think of the crazy serial killers that are out there and you hope you never meet one.
October 15, 2015
Apostle: A story of death and love
For those who like thrilling suspense, dark tales of death and those who cause it, this book is perfect. Not only is the story captivating and riveting, but the writing is very well done. Lacey Crow draws vivid, sometimes disturbing pictures with her words, but they are not too fantastic to believe. I felt, at times, as if I were watching an episode of Tales From the Dark Side, or Criminal Minds. I highly recommend this book to anyone who likes stories of abnormal psychopathic behavior, somehow changed by the power of love. This is a Romeo and Juliette tale, not about lovers kept from one another by their parents, but by who they ultimately are.
For those who like thrilling suspense, dark tales of death and those who cause it, this book is perfect. Not only is the story captivating and riveting, but the writing is very well done. Lacey Crow draws vivid, sometimes disturbing pictures with her words, but they are not too fantastic to believe. I felt, at times, as if I were watching an episode of Tales From the Dark Side, or Criminal Minds. I highly recommend this book to anyone who likes stories of abnormal psychopathic behavior, somehow changed by the power of love. This is a Romeo and Juliette tale, not about lovers kept from one another by their parents, but by who they ultimately are.
May 31, 2015
I devoured this book. Excellent writing. Fast paced. The main characters' particular brand of psychopathy is more nurture than nature in origin and it was so interesting to watch them change and develop. A very different take on the serial killer. Like another reviewer, I too was routing for them. Hope there is a sequel.
April 28, 2015
This was one of the best books I have read this year. I kept waiting for a lull that never came. I had all kinds of endings happen in my head, and I was still wrong. Lacey painted vivid characters, exciting scenarios and situations and twist and turns at every point. Just when you think you have it figured it out, you do not. Great book, I cannot wait for the next installment.
October 22, 2015
This is a very dark book, so if reading things of this nature isn't for you, then I suggest you tread lightly. But with saying that... I think I hid under by covers more than once. But yet I wasn't able to put the book down. It completely had taken me into a whole other world to say the least, but I honestly enjoyed reading this!
*Received for an honest review*
*Received for an honest review*
June 25, 2016
Careful
If you have a weak stomach, don't read this book. If you want to read a happily ever after novel, don't read this book. If you have a black sense of humor, if you like gore, if you entertain a dark side, this book will fascinate. It is well written, very descriptive, a very dark book with dark characters. This book haunts you.
If you have a weak stomach, don't read this book. If you want to read a happily ever after novel, don't read this book. If you have a black sense of humor, if you like gore, if you entertain a dark side, this book will fascinate. It is well written, very descriptive, a very dark book with dark characters. This book haunts you.
March 22, 2019
Hoping for a second book .
Visually brutal ,disturbing,complex and captivating from start to finish. I did not want the story to end. Amazing read if you can handle the subject matter.
Visually brutal ,disturbing,complex and captivating from start to finish. I did not want the story to end. Amazing read if you can handle the subject matter.
June 4, 2015
An amazing book. I had a hard time putting this book down. Who would have thought a serial killer would fall in love.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews