Distorted: How a Mother and Daughter Unraveled the Truth, the Lies, and the Realities of an Eating Disorder

by Lorri Antosz Benson, Taryn Leigh Benson

Mom saw a popular, happy teen, poised to revel in her high school years; her daughter saw a fat, ugly loser, and vowed to take action. One saw glimmers of hope and researched to find the best care; the other had no intentions of getting better and researched new and clever ways to hide her compulsion. Such is the distorted reality in this riveting true account of a teen caught in the grips of an eating disorder and the mother who struggled to help her break free.

Through their gripping dual narrative, Lorri and Taryn Benson take turns chronicling their unique perceptions of events once Taryn was caught in the act of her first purge. With unflinching frankness, they reveal the deceit, the guilt, the shame, and the manipulations that are inherent in this enigmatic disease, unveiling the true picture of what happens to the family dynamic once an eating disorder takes hold. Much more than a cautionary tale, Distorted illustrates the psychological factors that underline the beginning and spread of the disease, the successful and unsuccessful therapies, and the consequences the disease had on themselves and their family.

Triumphantly, the two women share what was ultimately needed to bring the truth to light, providing guidance for anyone struggling with or affected by an eating disorder. Their two stories--woven together as one powerful beacon of hope--will offer insight and comfort to families, spouses, and loved ones who feel helpless and alone.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Illness, Health

230 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Selkie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so heartbreaking! I think I cried every page until the last. Although similar to The Anorexia Diaries by Linda Rio, it expressed the pain of having an eating disorder so much more accurately, whether it was because the sufferer was older, or because she had it for a longer time. A must read

[maddie · Rating 3 out of 5]

The mom and daughter perspective is refreshing at times, but at other times, I wanted to hear more from either the mother or the daughter before switching points of view.

[Havey Baer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting format and read. The editing errors killed me.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

**Powerfully engaging; undeniably illuminating**

I ate this book up.

It is, by far, one of the most compelling eating disorder narratives that I have ever read. (And, being an eating disorder therapist, I have read a lot!) An engaging, and seamlessly woven mother-daughter account of battling an eating disorder, the page-turning narratives effectively inform, warn, and inspire others in a similar fight.

Both mother and daughter have powerful words that so clearly convey the chaos, confusion, and commitment inherent in eating disorder recovery. I’ll let their words speak for themselves with some of the more poignant quotes from the book:
---Daughter Taryn in describing her eating disorder:
“A part of me just wanted to be normal again, but another part just didn’t want to let go. The bulimia gave me something to be proud of and made me feel better about myself; my tiny body was physical proof of my control and success, and everyone who saw me knew it. It comforted me when I had no one else and soothed my raging anxiety. I couldn’t let go yet—maybe just a few more pounds and I would stop.” (pp. 161-162)

---Mother Lorri describing her helplessness:
“It’s hard to describe the helplessness you feel when you realize you child is in serious trouble and your mission is to do nothing. When your natural impulse screams intervention, and the experts you’re paying tell you to take a backseat, it’s almost too hard to bear. I began to feel like my legs were cut off as a parent. I couldn’t react or discipline as I wanted to because it could impact her negatively during this sensitive time.” (p. 109)

---Lorri on the unique torment a mother feels:
“So often, parents, and especially mothers, see at least part of their role as the Happy Maker. We kiss the boo-boos; we fix things and make them better. We nurture, comfort, and do what we need to do to make our family happy. We nag, cajole, and encourage our kids to be the best they can be. When your child has an eating disorder, it is a special kind of torment for the mother, who cannot fix this and cannot make her child happy.” (pp. 220-221)

---Lorri’s learning to let go:
“I wanted so much to just fix the problem, but it became excruciatingly frustrating because it wasn’t my problem to fix. When I thought about it in those terms, I began to handle it differently. Her road included a giant eating disorder boulder to navigate, and by overcoming it, and figuring it all out, she would grow and enhance herself as a person…My road had a different boulder blocking the way. My boulder was that my beloved daughter had an eating disorder. Because of the challenges that particular obstacle presented me, I learned some of life’s biggest lessons. As awful as that time period in my life was, I definitely grew and even gained some wisdom. That was one of the many lessons I eventually absorbed during our terrible eating disorder adventure. It may have been the hard way, but I learned to let go.” (p. 217)

---Hard-earned advice to parents from Lorri:
“As a parent, you must do the best that you can, find what you feel comfortable doing, and live with it, because you’ll never know what magic trick will stop the disorder…In the end, it will be your daughter who decides to recover, or not to recover, for her own reasons.” (p. 219)

---Lorri on knowing your limits:
“It’s important for loved ones to know that there is an absolute limit to what you can do to help. Until the affected person decides she wants to change, that recovery is now her idea; it’s just not going to happen. Willing it to change won’t make it happen, but you can continue to help and try to guide her toward the light through therapy and love. Until she or he wants it, however, and is willing to be truthful, honest, and hardworking, you can only accomplish so much.” (p. 221)

---Lorri’s ultimate learning in her daughter’s eating disorder recovery:
“I had to let her go. And I had to accept that she has her journey, and I have mine.” (p. 224)

Without hesitation, I recommend this book to parents, and anyone else, trying to keep their sanity, strength, and hope in the all-consuming fight against an eating disorder.

[Toby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I read this book before, in 2010 or before then. I definitely appreciated it more this time around than the first time, which leads me to think that the last time I read it, I was still pretty sick with my eating disorder.

There are some things about this book that I don't like -- for example, how stereotypical Taryn's descent into bulimia seemed -- but I really enjoyed the dual narrative. I think the most valuable part, for anyone who reads it -- parents/caregivers for someone with an eating disorder, recovered eating disorder sufferers (doesn't matter what type of ED), or people still actively engaging in their eating disorders -- is the epilogue.

Epilogue #1, which is Taryn's epilogue, has this powerful statement in it:

And I am confident in who I am. I don't need anyone to make me feel good about myself, and the fact that I overcame an illness that kills 10 percent of its victims is amazing to me.

Epilogue #2, which is Lorri's (Taryn's mom) epilogue, has this important piece of advice in it:

One of my most valuable lessons, and the one I think is the most helpful, was about separating your journey from that of your struggling loved one's. I wanted so much to just fix the problem, but it became excruciatingly frustrating because it wasn't my problem to fix.

[AnnaRose · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a honest and interesting memoir of an eating disorder because it was told by both the mother and the daughter. It was odd at times when their stories seemed not to match up or the girl deceived her mother into thinking something and her mother still didn't seem to know. Anyway, I wish that someone could write an honest and deep memoir of their eating disorder and recovery without being triggering. This book was a bit better than some but still was too graphic at parts. I would recommend it to those who are helping a loved one but not to those who are struggling.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This falls into the category of books I read hoping to avoid similar issues. I will say that the way this book is written is VERY insightful. The mother and the anorexic daughter take turns sharing their versions and recollections of the same events. I felt like there were so many times that the mom was saying or doing what she thought was the right thing, but the daughter's take on it was totally different. Really makes you think about what you would say in that situation.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A mom and daughter alternate entries in a book about the daughter's descent into bulimia and cutting and the start of her recovery.

[C · Rating 3 out of 5]

Honest telling of a really difficult situation.

[Michelle]

I want to read this book because this really could happen to anyone, and that is sad.

[Michelle Chase · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It was so honest. Great for anybody with an eating disorder, or if you know somebody with an eating disorder. Highly reccomended!

[Alli · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting perspective. You hear the viewpoints of both the mother and her struggling daughter. It reminded me at times of my own struggles with my mother.

[Nathan Schwartz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Simple and a bit over the top. Sometimes very frustrating. Interesting, though.