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Pathways to Possibility: Transforming Our Relationship with Ourselves, Each Other, and the World
"Rosamund Zander is a miracle. Her generous voice will resonate with you, change you and help you create work that matters." —Seth Godin, author of The Icarus Deception
The bestselling author of The Art of Possibility returns with a new vision for achieving true human fulfillment that's sure to appeal to fans of Brene Brown's Daring Greatly and Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic
As children, we develop stories about how the world works, most of which get improved upon and amended over time. But some do not, even as we mature in other ways. Opinionated, self-centered and fear-driven, these “child stories” are the source of the behavioral and emotional patterns that hold us back. When we learn to identify and rewrite these stories, limitless growth becomes possible.
In her groundbreaking and inspiring new book, Rosamund Stone Zander shows us that life is a story we tell ourselves, and that we have the power to change that story. She illuminates how breaking old patterns and telling a new story can transform not just our own lives, but also our relationships with others—whether in a marriage, a classroom, or a business. Finally, she demonstrates how, with this new understanding of ourselves and our place within an interconnected world, we can take powerful action in the collective interest, and gain a sense of deep connection to the universe.
Pathways to Possibility expands our notions of how much we can grow and change, whether we can affect others or the world at large, and how much freedom and joy we can experience. Stimulating and profound, it is the perfect companion to her beloved first book, The Art of Possibility .
The bestselling author of The Art of Possibility returns with a new vision for achieving true human fulfillment that's sure to appeal to fans of Brene Brown's Daring Greatly and Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic
As children, we develop stories about how the world works, most of which get improved upon and amended over time. But some do not, even as we mature in other ways. Opinionated, self-centered and fear-driven, these “child stories” are the source of the behavioral and emotional patterns that hold us back. When we learn to identify and rewrite these stories, limitless growth becomes possible.
In her groundbreaking and inspiring new book, Rosamund Stone Zander shows us that life is a story we tell ourselves, and that we have the power to change that story. She illuminates how breaking old patterns and telling a new story can transform not just our own lives, but also our relationships with others—whether in a marriage, a classroom, or a business. Finally, she demonstrates how, with this new understanding of ourselves and our place within an interconnected world, we can take powerful action in the collective interest, and gain a sense of deep connection to the universe.
Pathways to Possibility expands our notions of how much we can grow and change, whether we can affect others or the world at large, and how much freedom and joy we can experience. Stimulating and profound, it is the perfect companion to her beloved first book, The Art of Possibility .
272 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2016
96 people are currently reading
801 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
May 26, 2021
The author is half of the writing duo that created the wonderful Art of Possibility. While I hoped for something that echoed or built forward from that book a little, I didn’t really find that.
The central theme of the book is understanding how our individual and organizational inner stories and behaviors are shaped by the inadequacies and traumas of early childhood.
All of this is interesting and valuable, and presented in a professional, almost clinical way. This will resonate with some and not so much with others.
The central theme of the book is understanding how our individual and organizational inner stories and behaviors are shaped by the inadequacies and traumas of early childhood.
All of this is interesting and valuable, and presented in a professional, almost clinical way. This will resonate with some and not so much with others.
October 11, 2016
Although the book was interesting it wasn't as trans-formative as the Zanders' first book The Art of Possibility.
I appreciated the descriptions of our child stories and how we can realize they exist and rewrite them into our adult stories.: this will be useful in many relationships.
The 4 Games introduced at the end of the book would also be interesting to use as personal challenges to see and react in new ways.
But much of the book seemed like a 'watch how I do things', in a way that the first book wasn't.
I stuck with it hoping that the delight I'd experienced reading 'Art' would reappear- but it didn't.
I appreciated the descriptions of our child stories and how we can realize they exist and rewrite them into our adult stories.: this will be useful in many relationships.
The 4 Games introduced at the end of the book would also be interesting to use as personal challenges to see and react in new ways.
But much of the book seemed like a 'watch how I do things', in a way that the first book wasn't.
I stuck with it hoping that the delight I'd experienced reading 'Art' would reappear- but it didn't.
February 6, 2017
Pathways to Possibility: Transforming Our Relationship with Ourselves, Each Other, and the World is written by Rosamund Stone Zander, who has "dedicated the last fifteen years" to understanding "human growth and expansion" (p.xiv). The book teaches its readers to distinguish between two broad approaches to life: the "downward spiral" and "radiating possibility" (p.xv).
Two ways of being
There are two broad approaches to life. "Each is a way of being" (p.xv). The assumption of the "downward spiral" is that life is about survival (p.xv). You are "faced with the fearful prospect that you might … lose" (p.xv). The assumption of "radiating possibility" is, on the other hand, that you "at any time" can adapt to "the magnificent flow of the way things are" (p.xv). The world will then "reflect the change in you, … showing you a path to where you want to go and what you want to do" (p.xv). The book has four parts which illuminates "new pathways for growth" (pp.xv--xvi). Here's a short summary.
1. The All of You, in Stories
The first part of the book demonstrates how the "traumas of childhood provoke … rigid patterns of thought and behavior that persist into the future" (p.xvi). The stories in this part shows "how patterns develop" and how they can be changed "to reflect life as it is now and ourselves as we are now" (p.xvi). "Patterns of attachment that remain below consciousness tend to play out … into the future" (p.14).
We have "no tradition … of identifying patterns that affect us, or … that lead us where we have no intention of going" (p.17). "The patterns … are sourced from deeper structures … that are not under the control of the reasoning mind" (p.18). Our perception is "filtered through layers of perceptual twists and assumptions" (p.19). Our actions are "drawn forth by … [the] story we tell that we are convinced is real" (p.19). And our sense of "wholeness depends on our achieving some kind of coherent narrative of our lives" (p.21). Change happens in a "milieu of emotional contact" (p.21). Even "a conversation alone might be sufficient to cause a transformation" (p.41).
2. You on Behalf of Others
The second part turns "our attention outward" and enables "us to see through the … stories and patterns that hold other people back" (p.xvi). We learn to avoid "being advice givers (at best) and meddlers (at worst)" and to "connect with others on an energetic level … for realizing our collective dreams" (pp.xvi-xvii). It is "the quality of our being that is transformative" (p.81). "Transformation … can be instantaneous where people are engaged in a shared goal" (p99). Small actions "can birth big accomplishments" (p.111).
One of the lessons is that "if you open your eyes and heart and assume you can see what wants to happen," you will "know when to act swiftly and when to bide your time, and it won't be a personal thing" (p.123). Seek "to tune in and increase resonance" (p.135). Articulate what you "want to see happen, clearly, and without equivocation" (p.135). Speak to "the human being within who, assured of safety, is naturally cooperative" (p.135).
3. You in Partnership
The third part tells stories of "accomplishments by people who sought to move in tune with the way things are" (p.xvii). This allowed them "to enter into [an] energetic connection with life around them" (p.xvii). Everything is dynamically "making connections, reacting, and changing" (p.143). We are "part of a greater network, an ecosystem" (p.144). "There seems to be … a principle of self-organizing emerging systems" (p.144). "It appears that the wider we extend our frame, the more we understand how deeply patterned is the universe" (p.144).
There are "no closed systems in nature," although it is so "convenient to deal with limited facts" (p.145). The "more we open our eyes to how things are working within and around us on different scales, the more likely we will get the chance to … dance with it all" (p.146). We can "enhance the possibility of a particular outcome by doing our best, but we can't guarantee it because there are always other forces at work beyond our control" (p.150). "We can think of Nature as a process in flow, … integrating the new into rising levels of coherence" (p.152). We either "get in tune with her" or, if we don't, we're out (p.152).
Being out of touch "with nature's processes is related to the carelessness with which we sever connections, even among ourselves" (p.169). As nature's partner, "we are in an evolving process, … opening to new information, … searching and listening for evolving order" (p.171). It's about "cooperating with rather than opposing the way things are" (p.179). If, for example, "the musicians and the audience are attuned on all levels, it is possible to feel integration happening in the moment that allows … a new step into unknown territory" (p.185). It's a territory where ”the distinction between what it is that we want and what life wants fades and ultimately disappears” (p.189). ”We feel whole and in tune …” (p.189). We enter into the territory by ”committing to … exploration” (p.190). We simply ”engage without reservation, without knowing the outcome” (p.191).
4. A Pack of Games
The final section presents a series of "infinite games," where there are "no winners or losers" (p.xvii). If we "engage fully," we may "become occasional conduits for … attunement with life" (p.xvii). "The game with no goal and no limits, … has the power to get you back in step, to bring you back to your center" (p.208). This is an exploration "where you are no longer an individual making it on your own", but "where you feel a compelling connectivity to everything around you" (p.212). It "brings you into a … state of presence where you can optimally interact with the world" (p.217).
"We resists in so many ways" (p.228). When we "let go" we are releasing the hold that our "emotions, assumptions, and opinions" have over us (p.229). When we release our resistance, we can notice "how things are joined in motion", including us (p.233). There are "connections everywhere" (p.233). "Everything changes everything else" (p.235). Nature moves to "resolve states of dissonance into states of resonance" (p.235).
"Opportunities for getting in tune exist wherever we turn if we look for them" (p.241). Life is "a cooperative venture" (p.242). "It takes awareness, rhythm, coordination, and joie de vivre to live it fully" (p.242). There are "two vast interpenetrated arenas of human experience" (p.242). One is our "internal life," and the other is "the world we relate to outside our skin" (p.242). "It's a rhythm thing" (p.242). We are "cocreators and coevolvers with Nature" as long as "we stay aware of the rhythms," and "make course corrections when we are off-track" (p.244).
Conclusions
It's so easy to put all attention on the outside work, and leave out completely the inner work of personal development. Inner work is necessary to keep us in tune with ourselves and each other. Resonance is created when there is an attunement between the outside and the inside of us. And resonance amplifies the energy. Most organizations profess to believe in transparency, passion, and integrity, but lip service won't do it. The book encourages us to examine outdated assumptions. It also reminds us of the possible paths going forward.
Two ways of being
There are two broad approaches to life. "Each is a way of being" (p.xv). The assumption of the "downward spiral" is that life is about survival (p.xv). You are "faced with the fearful prospect that you might … lose" (p.xv). The assumption of "radiating possibility" is, on the other hand, that you "at any time" can adapt to "the magnificent flow of the way things are" (p.xv). The world will then "reflect the change in you, … showing you a path to where you want to go and what you want to do" (p.xv). The book has four parts which illuminates "new pathways for growth" (pp.xv--xvi). Here's a short summary.
1. The All of You, in Stories
The first part of the book demonstrates how the "traumas of childhood provoke … rigid patterns of thought and behavior that persist into the future" (p.xvi). The stories in this part shows "how patterns develop" and how they can be changed "to reflect life as it is now and ourselves as we are now" (p.xvi). "Patterns of attachment that remain below consciousness tend to play out … into the future" (p.14).
We have "no tradition … of identifying patterns that affect us, or … that lead us where we have no intention of going" (p.17). "The patterns … are sourced from deeper structures … that are not under the control of the reasoning mind" (p.18). Our perception is "filtered through layers of perceptual twists and assumptions" (p.19). Our actions are "drawn forth by … [the] story we tell that we are convinced is real" (p.19). And our sense of "wholeness depends on our achieving some kind of coherent narrative of our lives" (p.21). Change happens in a "milieu of emotional contact" (p.21). Even "a conversation alone might be sufficient to cause a transformation" (p.41).
2. You on Behalf of Others
The second part turns "our attention outward" and enables "us to see through the … stories and patterns that hold other people back" (p.xvi). We learn to avoid "being advice givers (at best) and meddlers (at worst)" and to "connect with others on an energetic level … for realizing our collective dreams" (pp.xvi-xvii). It is "the quality of our being that is transformative" (p.81). "Transformation … can be instantaneous where people are engaged in a shared goal" (p99). Small actions "can birth big accomplishments" (p.111).
One of the lessons is that "if you open your eyes and heart and assume you can see what wants to happen," you will "know when to act swiftly and when to bide your time, and it won't be a personal thing" (p.123). Seek "to tune in and increase resonance" (p.135). Articulate what you "want to see happen, clearly, and without equivocation" (p.135). Speak to "the human being within who, assured of safety, is naturally cooperative" (p.135).
3. You in Partnership
The third part tells stories of "accomplishments by people who sought to move in tune with the way things are" (p.xvii). This allowed them "to enter into [an] energetic connection with life around them" (p.xvii). Everything is dynamically "making connections, reacting, and changing" (p.143). We are "part of a greater network, an ecosystem" (p.144). "There seems to be … a principle of self-organizing emerging systems" (p.144). "It appears that the wider we extend our frame, the more we understand how deeply patterned is the universe" (p.144).
There are "no closed systems in nature," although it is so "convenient to deal with limited facts" (p.145). The "more we open our eyes to how things are working within and around us on different scales, the more likely we will get the chance to … dance with it all" (p.146). We can "enhance the possibility of a particular outcome by doing our best, but we can't guarantee it because there are always other forces at work beyond our control" (p.150). "We can think of Nature as a process in flow, … integrating the new into rising levels of coherence" (p.152). We either "get in tune with her" or, if we don't, we're out (p.152).
Being out of touch "with nature's processes is related to the carelessness with which we sever connections, even among ourselves" (p.169). As nature's partner, "we are in an evolving process, … opening to new information, … searching and listening for evolving order" (p.171). It's about "cooperating with rather than opposing the way things are" (p.179). If, for example, "the musicians and the audience are attuned on all levels, it is possible to feel integration happening in the moment that allows … a new step into unknown territory" (p.185). It's a territory where ”the distinction between what it is that we want and what life wants fades and ultimately disappears” (p.189). ”We feel whole and in tune …” (p.189). We enter into the territory by ”committing to … exploration” (p.190). We simply ”engage without reservation, without knowing the outcome” (p.191).
4. A Pack of Games
The final section presents a series of "infinite games," where there are "no winners or losers" (p.xvii). If we "engage fully," we may "become occasional conduits for … attunement with life" (p.xvii). "The game with no goal and no limits, … has the power to get you back in step, to bring you back to your center" (p.208). This is an exploration "where you are no longer an individual making it on your own", but "where you feel a compelling connectivity to everything around you" (p.212). It "brings you into a … state of presence where you can optimally interact with the world" (p.217).
"We resists in so many ways" (p.228). When we "let go" we are releasing the hold that our "emotions, assumptions, and opinions" have over us (p.229). When we release our resistance, we can notice "how things are joined in motion", including us (p.233). There are "connections everywhere" (p.233). "Everything changes everything else" (p.235). Nature moves to "resolve states of dissonance into states of resonance" (p.235).
"Opportunities for getting in tune exist wherever we turn if we look for them" (p.241). Life is "a cooperative venture" (p.242). "It takes awareness, rhythm, coordination, and joie de vivre to live it fully" (p.242). There are "two vast interpenetrated arenas of human experience" (p.242). One is our "internal life," and the other is "the world we relate to outside our skin" (p.242). "It's a rhythm thing" (p.242). We are "cocreators and coevolvers with Nature" as long as "we stay aware of the rhythms," and "make course corrections when we are off-track" (p.244).
Conclusions
It's so easy to put all attention on the outside work, and leave out completely the inner work of personal development. Inner work is necessary to keep us in tune with ourselves and each other. Resonance is created when there is an attunement between the outside and the inside of us. And resonance amplifies the energy. Most organizations profess to believe in transparency, passion, and integrity, but lip service won't do it. The book encourages us to examine outdated assumptions. It also reminds us of the possible paths going forward.
April 1, 2017
This is another amazing Zander book.
Read
August 17, 2016Immediate Transformation and It’s FUN too!
This book provides stories of transformation that you can relate to easily. The tools provided, in the form of engagements or games are fun, simple and results are immediate. I didn’t think I would shift much as I read a lot of books for my show but I must say, I found changes happening just from reading. Memories of feelings came into play and opened up my heart once again to more changes. Next, I opted to try out some of the games – they’re fun and with full focus, you will FEEL yourself shift. Your heart opens up completely to the reality of you and how you interact with others. Compassion and kindness is prominent. A sense of your true self comes through. I am a practitioner of this work and found I was truly inspired and delighted by the feelings I had. Thoroughly enjoyed the book, the interview with the author, Rosamund Stone Zander and am most grateful for her sharing her wisdom and light with all of us! Thank you, Ros.
This book provides stories of transformation that you can relate to easily. The tools provided, in the form of engagements or games are fun, simple and results are immediate. I didn’t think I would shift much as I read a lot of books for my show but I must say, I found changes happening just from reading. Memories of feelings came into play and opened up my heart once again to more changes. Next, I opted to try out some of the games – they’re fun and with full focus, you will FEEL yourself shift. Your heart opens up completely to the reality of you and how you interact with others. Compassion and kindness is prominent. A sense of your true self comes through. I am a practitioner of this work and found I was truly inspired and delighted by the feelings I had. Thoroughly enjoyed the book, the interview with the author, Rosamund Stone Zander and am most grateful for her sharing her wisdom and light with all of us! Thank you, Ros.
December 13, 2024
I think we all want more of “the Art of Possibility,” and this is not that book. I didn’t want to rate this book because the Art of Possibility is sooooooooo good, but this book is very flat and I could not even finish it. I feel obligated to save you if you, like me and others, are looking for more of the Art of Possibility. I tried to power through this book, and I even scanned the ToC to find interesting chapters but just found it very boring. It read like a clinical psychology book. If you haven’t read Art of Possibility, please read that because it is 6 out of 5 stars. It is really that good. Due to the book title and author connection I thought this would be a fantastic read and I’m sorry that it was not. I hate not finishing books too but this one did not resonate with my taste.
September 1, 2020
I haven’t actually read the prequel “Art of Possibility” so I have no point of comparison but will definitely read it as i have enjoyed this book a lot. Motivational and uplifting yet not overly-optimistic. Encouraging readers to ride the chaos. The applications are also very practical.
Altho certain sentences really needs to be read with full chapters as they have the potentiality of being misconstrued/ taken out of context when quoted individually. But over all, great book. 4.5 if i could!
Altho certain sentences really needs to be read with full chapters as they have the potentiality of being misconstrued/ taken out of context when quoted individually. But over all, great book. 4.5 if i could!
September 16, 2025
Ik hou van de afwisseling tussen een goed boek waar ik iets van leer en een makkelijk wegleesboek. Dit was het tweede. Een groepje dat gaat wandelen, waar twee mensen overblijven die het beter met elkaar kunnen vinden dan ze hadden verwacht en willen toegeven.
Top: leuke gesprekken, grappige hoofdpersoon.
Minder: onverwachte gebeurtenissen die een beetje vergezocht zijn. Veel over eenzaamheid en geen kinderen kunnen krijgen, daar word ik altijd een beetje verdrietig van.
Top: leuke gesprekken, grappige hoofdpersoon.
Minder: onverwachte gebeurtenissen die een beetje vergezocht zijn. Veel over eenzaamheid en geen kinderen kunnen krijgen, daar word ik altijd een beetje verdrietig van.
August 4, 2019
Good stories and some interesting insight and thoughts. She’s an engaging reader and I connected with much of what she said. A book about the stories we tell and a good companion to Brene Brown books.
March 10, 2020
I listened to this book on audio and loved the voice of the author reading it to me. There were so many gems in this book that I appreciated and noted down. I felt affected by the ideas and appreciative by the end.
January 29, 2023
Brilliant. This book has given me practices I will continue coming back to. It's developed my practice as a life coach, as a partner, as a friend, and in relationship with myself. Really valuable teachings.
June 8, 2025
It is expanding a lot on the Art of Possibility, while being its own thing, while more adult, inspiring even more possibility through its sets of examples and "infinite games" among others. I hope these will come in handy in coaching conversations
August 23, 2018
Loved this book, very enlightening and gave a lot of insight.
May 18, 2019
Great hope here
I loved the hope and joy the teachings in this book offers to us. Thoughtful, well written and one to be returned to.
I loved the hope and joy the teachings in this book offers to us. Thoughtful, well written and one to be returned to.
June 25, 2019
This is a life-changer. I will reread this. Wow! Goes beyond the law of attraction.
Read
July 31, 2021Projective identification, individuation, the interconnectedness of all things, the energy that runs through everything.
Meanders a bit.
Good stuff.
Meanders a bit.
Good stuff.
July 19, 2024
Ultra intriguing. I listened to a couple hours while I was driving, and had to keep bookmarking the audio. Need to go back and listen to those parts.
August 26, 2016
This isn't a sequel to "The Art of Possibility" or just more of the same. Rather, it stands on its own. Roz Zander weaves together threads of psychoanalysis, Buddhism, mysticism, and even organizational consulting into a beautiful, soulful book. Reading it, I realized the promise of the subtitle: “Transforming our relationship with ourselves, each other, and the world.”
Like all good books on change, there is no judgment or failure, only openness and learning. Reading the book, you may well have a different experience than me, and that would be fine. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. As she writes in the final section:
“May you travel far, if only deep into your own backyard.”
Like all good books on change, there is no judgment or failure, only openness and learning. Reading the book, you may well have a different experience than me, and that would be fine. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. As she writes in the final section:
“May you travel far, if only deep into your own backyard.”
July 14, 2016
Roz's previous book, The Art Of Possibilty, is one of my most favorite books and one I recommend to all my coaching clients. This book is wonderful, though a bit tougher read. I am pretty sure most of my clients will give up before getting through this one. The depth she goes into explaining our child parts is probably necessary, but difficult in some ways to really know how to do the work. Definitely worth reading and maybe it will take re-reading to fully get it!
January 18, 2017
I listen to the audio book. It was ok to start with. Some stuff I already knew about. It good to hear again. I wasn't too sure where it was heading and if I wanted to stick with it but I persevered and I'm glad I did. The second half of the book where she talks about our connection to nature and all living things was beautiful and encouraging. There is so much more possibility to how we live our lives. I appreciated the reminder and her perspective. Thank you Rosamund. Love and spirit to you.
September 7, 2016
This book hit the spot for me, it was encouraging, thought provoking, inspirational and awe-inspiring-- and mental work, which I love.
I immediately borrowed her first too, and have truly enjoyed reading these as an antidote to stuck-ness, to pessimism, and to this election cycle.
Let this book soak into your brain, and help you get more curious about you, and the world around you.
I immediately borrowed her first too, and have truly enjoyed reading these as an antidote to stuck-ness, to pessimism, and to this election cycle.
Let this book soak into your brain, and help you get more curious about you, and the world around you.
July 26, 2016
Good complement to Zander's earlier book, The Art of Possibility. I highly recommend reading these two books sequentially. Like the earlier book, this one is clearly influenced by Landmark distinctions to the point of near-plagiarism.
August 14, 2016
Started out really strong but got bogged down in too many of the author's personal stories.
October 7, 2016
It provided some information I have not read previously. However, for the most part it is recycled information that comes with reading information on this subject.
did-not-finish
December 11, 2016Probably quite a good book. But I will have to get a print version though. The author ought not have thought her voice suitable for book reading. It grated on me so much I had to stop listening.
December 22, 2016
Seeing that Rosa summarized several times throughout, I don't particularly see the need to do. I got some awesome takeaways and thought it was a pretty good read.
January 2, 2017
Not quite what I was expecting. I lost interest a third of the way but powered through to finish it.
January 4, 2019
This book didn’t resonate with me. However, I could see it being helpful to someone else or even at a different time. It offers hands-on advice to help you recognize and confront unconscious perceptions that aren’t actually your own. Given a different context, I could see myself coming back to this book.
The basic premise: “You are living in a story made up by a child.”
I felt the book focused too much on the mistakes our parents made and their impact on our minds as children while ignoring inherent personality traits, other life experiences, and our own choices as adults. I think there are behaviours/perspectives that are absolutely rooted in our experiences with other people. But the book implies that *all* personal development starts by finding someone else to blame, and I don’t find this viewpoint particularly helpful or engaging.
The basic premise: “You are living in a story made up by a child.”
I felt the book focused too much on the mistakes our parents made and their impact on our minds as children while ignoring inherent personality traits, other life experiences, and our own choices as adults. I think there are behaviours/perspectives that are absolutely rooted in our experiences with other people. But the book implies that *all* personal development starts by finding someone else to blame, and I don’t find this viewpoint particularly helpful or engaging.
Read
January 6, 2019Takes the Art of Possibility further.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews