Nothing Like Normal: Surviving a Sibling's Schizophrenia

by Martha Graham-Waldon

What if you woke up one day, living with a family member who had changed into an entirely different person? What if she were an older sibling you had always admired and strived to be like? And what if you were an insecure preteen when it all started? What would that do to your life?


Martha Graham-Waldon’s memoir entitled, Nothing Like Surviving a Sibling’s Schizophrenia, chronicles the trajectory of her sister’s thirty-year battle with schizophrenia. Two years younger, the author watched her beloved sister descend into madness, nearly pulling the author down with her into a shadowy and baffling black hole of despair.

Genres: Memoir, Psychology, Nonfiction

278 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 14, 2015

Reviews

[Julie Haigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well-presented memoir with plenty of heart-warming memories of family life as well as the sad times.

Obviously, I expected this was going to be a difficult subject to read about but Martha Graham-Waldon puts her words down so concisely, it's easy to read. As I read this I realised how close to home this can be, how things can change and it can happen to any one of us at any time. The author says her and her siblings all had a magical childhood -and that's wonderful to hear when there are so many memoirs of abuse etc. nowadays. Theirs was happy. Yet everything went wrong.

There are some lovely memories in here-some photos too. Also some travel aspects-eg. The Christmas trip to Mexico and the trips in the mountains with donkey etc. a two week trip. Heart-warming and told in a nice easy, quick flowing style. A well-balanced memoir as, as well as the hard times, she tells of some lovely childhood memories too.

This brought back memories-all these programmes that me and my sister used to watch too. I liked how this was written; a conversational style and you can get through it fairly quickly.

A well-presented memoir. Short chapters provide easy reading and there is a good balance of content with plenty of heart-warming memories of family life as well as the sad times.

[Kathleen Pooler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This beautifully –written memoir invites us into the life of a family struggling with mental illness in one of its members. Written from a sister’s point-of–view, the author shows the turmoil, confusion and grief of watching a beloved sister fade away from schizophrenia.

Graham-Waldon’s writing is eloquent and vivid. She paints the picture of a loving family and childhood then slowly unveils how her sister’s breaks from reality shatter their hopes and dreams. Underlying her sister’s progressive descent into mental illness is a deep and lasting love of a family who refuses to give up hope. The journey is an arduous one and takes the reader through the tumultuous journey.

I admire the author’s ability to write such an intimate and deeply painful story with such grace and love.

This memoir is a compassionate guide spoken from the heart of a loving sister. It offers hope that the best way to honor a loved one struggling with mental illness is to survive and thrive in your own life. It is of particular value to those who love someone who has been diagnosed with mental illness and those who serve the mentally-ill population. Beyond that, it is an enlightening and engaging read for those who those who love real stories about real people.

[Cinda Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Martha shares her heart wrenching and captivating story as she brings the reader along her journey from a happy close-bonded family life through the trials, turmoil, and wounds as her family’s world unravels. Her dear sister slowly fades away into a dark abyss of mental illness—slowly with shocking punctuations of mental and family crisis. A teenage girl’s joy and laughter starkly contrasts with heavy grief and loss. The author masterfully shares her own struggles with reality of what is happening to her sister and the death of her mother as she journeys to find herself and to pursue her own dreams. Nothing Like Normal is a captivating reading journey for anyone but would be a must read for someone who has experienced the grief of losing a family member that is still alive—fading away into mental illness.

[Lisa Claro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since others have described in detail the overview of this memoir, I won't repeat it. What I would like to say is that I found this book relevant on many levels. Even if you did not grow up with a sibling suffering schizophrenia or other mental illness, it is easy to relate to, and empathize with, this story. The author's stages of confusion, anger, disbelief, frustration, sadness, and finally acceptance of her sister's illness are told with clear honesty. The scenes showing Ms. Graham-Waldon's interactions with her sister in their adult years are poignant and bittersweet. If you have siblings, read this book. It brings home the joys and the sorrows of loving our siblings, of forging our own paths both because of, and despite, the obligations and expectations inherent in those relationships. What comes through the strongest of all is love and a desire for understanding.

[S.J. Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nothing Like Normal is the unforgettable, touching true story touched by a disease that the medical world has very little understanding of. There is no cure for schizophrenia and not every treatment works for every one affected. One doesn’t have to have an ill family member to be touched by this book. It is written is plain simple language of how this family led their lives with joys and love until that fateful day when life threw everything upside down. The pages turn quickly in this memoir and I have no hesitation with recommending it to others.
Martha Graham Waldon does a wonderful job of taking the reader into her world and sharing with us her sad-filled journey.
Disclaimer: I received an ARC from the author in exchange for a fair and honest review.

[Margie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a quick read but leaves much to think about. Martha paints a vivid picture of her family before and after the discovery of her sister's schizophrenia and continues to relate a positive outlook as she deals with the loss of her mother and sister. Mental illness touches everyone in some way. Martha shares much that many are afraid to share.

[Michelle Monet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting insight into the sibling of a schizophrenic. Her love of her sister shined through every page but also her struggles with guilt. This book inspired me to continue my Memoir writing.

[Marie Abanga · Rating 5 out of 5]

What is NORMAL Anway?

This was the question I was 'foolishly' or maybe 'highly unrealistically' expecting to be answered in this all too human and yet piercing memoir.

I began reading this memoir by carefully studying the cover picture. I concluded the two chubby innocent girls on the front cover were Martha Graham-Waldon (MGW) to the left and her dearest sister Kathy Graham (KG) to the right. While MGW looked at the camera, KG looked more closely into the gaze of the pet birds they carried. I noticed her shirt lifted up a little and showed her tummy and yet that wasn't a problem for the photographer. Yet, some of you may agree with me that in some cultures, keeping birds for pets, or not being properly tucked up be you kids, is simply not NORMAL.

This memoir did more to me than just help me see how another family just like mine had, faced and dealt with their member's mental illness. MGW may not know to what extent her memoir will impact some, but it has definitely completely shattered this paradigm of 'NORMAL' to me.

Was NORMAL to be the absence of a diagnosis mindful of some signs that something was seemingly going on with KG? Was it now their new NORMAL that something was indeed going on with KG but then they had to 'embrace' that as is, or 'pretend' to still fit in with 'conventional community'? What about it being NORMAL to sympathize with their mum who suffered a stroke, and yet shy away and stigmatize the Grahams for having a 'mad member' in their family?

I am not going on any further, I read this memoir with so much attention to everything because I couldn't really believe another family, far away in the USA, could go through such shattering trauma and deal with stigma too! I really thought such things happened only in Africa, to families like mine, well in a setting where people died more from ignorance than from Negligence. I don't know what to make of the 'medication tradition or pattern out there'. What is NORMAL now? Go after the symptoms? Go after the illness as diagnosed? Go after the person and beat the Shit out of them?

And in the process of it, how do you a close sibling deal and heal with it all? I applaud MGW's vivid narration of their various exotic and adventurous family vacations and existence before 'Life happened'. This in my firm opinion as an aggrieved sibling like herself, states the strong case that the 'lunatic' the world now sees, had a 'NORMAL' life before their mental illness. I am glad and actually obliged to MGW for writing this memoir mindful of her pain. I rate the book a 5/5 because of the 'intensity of the different subjects covered'. If I could recommend only 3 books for your year end, this will definitely be one of them. If you read carefully and in between, you'll definitely re-evaluate that word NORMAL.

[Sherrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the author for providing a copy of this book.

***

In her memoir, Nothing Like Normal: Surviving a Sibling’s Schizophrenia, Martha Graham-Waldon shares the story of her family dealing with an insidious mental health issue. The author was a younger sister who had shared her world with her sister, and then watches her sister’s long battle with schizophrenia. Life changes for both in drastic and intense ways.

Graham-Waldon allows her reader to share in the most intimate of scenes the deterioration of the relationship with her sister and the impact not only on the family, but the greatest struggles clear in the author’s life.

With eloquence and artistry, the author takes us on a journey most of us have not experienced. Or perhaps in our family, the journey has been held secret. In either way, we come away from reading Nothing Like Normal with a birds’ eye view of what a life lived in the midst of the downward spiraling of a victim of schizophrenic experiences, all the while impacting the relationships once held dear.

As a reader and writer of memoir, I appreciated Graham-Waldon’s honesty in her writing of Nothing Like Normal. Writing the truth in a story with such traumatic experiences is not easy. The author accomplishes this well.

I highly recommend this book to those confronting the experience of living with or caring for a family member with mental health issues, specifically schizophrenia. The author’s insights in living with and growing up faced with the dramatic and hurtful changes in her familial relationships are revealing and first-hand.

[Susan Ring · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Nothing Like Normal” is a real world-view of what it’s like to live with someone you love who has mental illness. An eye opener!

This book gives you a taste of what it might be like to have someone you love dearly (Martha’s sister in this case) fall away from you, and you never understand why until you are mature enough to be educated about it. It changes family dynamics, infiltrates shame on the one aware and the family. It makes one wonder why things happen and ultimately ask that question, why? Why me? Why her?

An important book in the world we are living in today. I gave it a five-star because it taught me something, and helped me understand what mental illness does to a person from an intimate perspective. I learned a lot, and can’t help but reflect to things happening in society today, and how mental illness can affect others. We can’t turn away any longer. I also thought about the many people who might boarder on mental illness who are never diagnosed. We need to address this very important issue. Thank you Martha for taking me there! Beautiful writing, and thought provokingly courageous book. I look forward to your next writing!

[Liana · Rating 3 out of 5]

A powerful story, with a narrative constructed of small anecdotes over the years. I haven't decided if her concise style strengthens or detracts from her story, but what was weird is the space the book tries to live in, between memoir and self-help book. She begins with young childhood then through teenage years, including poems or journal entries by her or her sister. It felt strange that this story was punctuated by little quotes at the beginning of chapters that were very self-help-like, attributed to various people but often herself. It also felt like a memoir of a person who is trying to have a private life; she jumps around and skips large events in her later life which seems incongruous with how detailed she was about some of the childhood events. It makes sense as she wants to focus on her relationship with her sister, but as a reader it felt jarring and a bit confusing as resolutions of personal conflicts indirectly related to the main relationship would happen between anecdotes.

[Cristina B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I come to this story from a perspective not often heard, but one that I found validated within the pages of Martha Graham-Waldon’s Nothing like Normal. Brothers and sisters of those with mental illness or disability are often overlooked. We tend to shrink ourselves or become eclipsed in the very real and present needs of our sibling. This stunningly written memoir lays the struggle bare and reveals that what happens to one person in a family dynamic, affects all. The authors sister’s schizophrenia diagnosis upends her family’s hopes and dreams but taps into a deep well of hope that is so familiar to me. I thank the author for her intimate and compassionate story shared with so much love and tenderness. It is one that many of us have been waiting to hear — validation that we we can support our loved ones as well as fully embrace our own lives. I received a free copy of this book from a contest.

[Donna Figurski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Martha Graham-Waldon shares her most intimate thoughts of her life growing up with a sibling who is coping with a mental illness. Martha openly discusses her and her family’s struggles as her sister, Kathy, is placed in one state facility after another. Martha strives to understand what went wrong with her sister’s life and agonizes over how she can help her with this very confusing disease. This book gives the reader an inside view on the instability caused by mental illness and how folks move forward to fulfill their own life needs.

donna

[Lorenzo Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

An important memoir

Reading this book made me realize the mental illness my own sister suffered from might have been schizophrenia. It went undiagnosed through her life and she died before the full spectrum of that disease overtook her. Reading this book brought out a lot of painful memories, but at the same time shone a light of understanding on what during my sister's life I never understood. Thank you, Martha, for your bravery and for writing this book,

[Wendy L. Scott-Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story of one woman’s experience with her sister developing a mental disability and how it affected their relationship.
Martha had the ideal sister/friend until her sister started acting in strange and peculiar ways. It was obvious the love they had for one another throughout childhood and into adulthood even with the ugly reality they had to cope with and have become a part of their lives.
A touching read with photos, journal entries and letters from both sisters.

[Maria Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poetic, sad and memorable. The happiness of the carefree childhood is juxtaposed with the anger and confusion of a sibling's mental health issues. A poignant tale, overflowing with love and nostalgia, combined with the quest for insight and understanding. A very personal account which will give strength and hope to those who find themselves in a similar position.

[Story Circle Book Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

"This is," the author says, "the story of a family that was close and then came apart."

Nothing Like Normal: Surviving a Sibling's Schizophrenia by Martha Graham-Waldon poses this question on the cover: What if you woke up one day with a family member who had changed into an entirely different person? The two young girls on the cover hold baby chicks in their small hands. The younger child holds one chick tenderly enclosed with both hands and looks at the camera with a sweet smile of happiness shadowed with a smudge of uncertainty. The older girl with darker hair holds one chick securely in each hand and looks down at them with confidence and obvious pleasure. It's the kind of cover I love, one that gives me, before I even open the book, rich clues to what I'll find within the pages.

"We had a magical childhood," Graham-Waldon writes. There were four children: Martha, the youngest, Kathy two years older, and two big brothers, Charlie and Jack. "Although we lived in the city [in California], our parents fostered in us a love of nature through wilderness adventures from a very young age. Some summers we hiked in the High Sierras, carrying our gear on backpacks and on pack mules in the backcountry near Yosemite, Tuolome Meadows, Silver Dollar Lake..."

Graham-Waldon's father made their comfortable lifestyle possible with his hard work and their leisure time creative and educational through his love of nature and classical guitar music. Graham-Waldon's mother also worked equally hard but in a different way; she sought to be all things to all people, as did so many women of her era. As a result, she never achieved her own passions, one of which was to write a book about her research into human behavior.

In 1968, Kathy was on the cusp of adolescence when the family took a cross country trip to historical places in the U.S. and a sudden outburst marked a change in her usually happy personality. "She snapped," Graham-Waldon writes. From that point forward, Kathy's angry outbursts escalate as the family enters the terrifying world of schizophrenia. The long and convoluted journey of the next three decades is a powerful portrayal of the life of the family and, in particular, of a sister who deeply loves her bright, mentally ill big sister.

I was drawn to Graham-Waldon's book, her first, because I have a younger sibling with the same disease, along with borderline intellectual delay. It profoundly affected our family's functioning. As I read, I was deeply moved by the clear, yet sensitive exploration of the multitude of ways mental illness touches siblings' lives. Despite my long experience with my younger sister, which continues to this day, I gained new insights through the author's words.

The author's wish is that her book "serve as a guide and touchstone for anyone experiencing similar turmoil in their lives. It is a voice for them—the voice that I wish I had had. It is a voice for all siblings and family members who have struggled with mental health issues, to encourage them to reclaim their own lives and inner joy. After all, surviving and thriving while going on with your own life is the best way to honor your sibling as well as yourself."

I feel Graham-Waldon has well met her goal and highly recommend this well-written, important, and intimate memoir to those who have had mental illness connect with their lives, or others who have not, yet want to learn more about how schizophrenia affects the individuals in a family. I look forward to reading more of Graham-Waldon's work.

by Mary Jo Doig
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women

[Zelda]

Beautifully, honestly and openly written memoir. Martha and her older sister Kathy grow up with a very close bond; best friends against the world. They grow up in a loving family, which also includes two older brothers. Both Martha and Kathy are very intelligent and gifted. Unfortunately, as Kathy hits puberty and beyond, she starts to display symptoms of what are later diagnosed as schizophrenia. Martha shares with us some beautiful family photographs, and the good times and the bad. She grieves for the sister, who used to be her champion, her hero and staunch ally, her teacher. Bit by bit, the illness steals this sister away from her. Martha shares the way that this has affected her own life, and the lives of her whole family. Interspersed throughout the book are some beautiful quotes and poems by Martha, her sister Kathy, and some well known people. I found this book very poignant, sad, yet joyful to read. Martha shows us by the end how she has managed to still live a life, in spite of the sad events of the past.