Now Everyone Will Know: The Perfect Husband, His Shattering Secret, My Rediscovered Life

by Maggie Kneip

After a fairy-tale courtship in 1980s New York City, Maggie's young marriage shatters when her "perfect" husband--a star editor at The Wall Street Journal--is diagnosed with and dies of AIDS, leaving her with two young children in a city electrified by paranoia about the new epidemic. Devastated by his betrayal, Maggie struggles to protect herself and her children from stigma, keeping the circumstances of her husband's death a secret for nearly twenty-five years. It is only when a journey of self-discovery aligns with her children's coming of age and a new world of sexual tolerance that she can finally embrace the truth and set herself free.

With a foreword by Laura Landro, an editor at The Wall Street Journal, and an afterword by Today show psychologist Dr. Dale Atkins, Now Everyone Will Know is an honest, unflinching memoir about the damaging nature of family secrets and an inspiring call to embrace every truth--the good, the bad, the ugly--that makes us who we are.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Memoir

196 pages, Paperback

Published November 12, 2015

Reviews

[Jennifer Blankfein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meeting Maggie today, a strong, independent woman with two gorgeous adult children, many interests and talents, involved with her community and lots of friends, one might be shocked when they read about her journey. Maggie married John in the 1980s; he was the love of her life. Shortly after their second child was born he became ill and after a trip to the hospital and some tests he and Maggie were given the news…he had AIDS and just a short time to live. No apology and no explanation; no conversations were to be had and no truths were revealed. And while caring for two babies, taking over the running of the household and the finances, she graciously cared for him until his passing.

The times dictated secrecy due to fear and lack of education and information on the virus. Maggie was not able to tell anyone what happened to her husband, she had to protect her children, move out of town, avoid the truth and project strength until her kids grew up and society became more sexually tolerant and developed life saving treatments for AIDS.

In this honest, beautifully written memoir, NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW, Maggie opens up and tells her story of love, disappointment, betrayal and secrecy, bringing to light the destruction and damage a secret can inflict on a loved one, a relationship and a family.
For full review and more information see https://booknationbyjen.wordpress.com.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't want to misconstrue the intent of this book - apparently, the author wanted to write about the very real struggles of dealing with a husband who contracted and died of AIDS and the stigma and secretiveness that surrounded those at the time. I just can't help wondering why she didn't also emphasize the outrage and pain of the fact that he cheated on her, and of finding out her dearest love and best friend, her husband, was a closet homosexual. Those facts seemed almost non-issues. If she didn't want to focus on these areas for the book, that was certainly her choice. I just felt that a huge piece was left out of the "shattering secret." The book, while certainly describing well the challenges and discrimination she and her family faced, missed something essential in the telling.

[Sandy Harris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Receiving a copy of NOW EVERYONE WILL KNOW via a Goodreads First Reads giveaway, the memoir chronicles the author’s marriage and how her life changed after her husband’s death from a socially feared disease. Well written with uncensored emotion, the memoir opens a window into society’s attitudes and fears back in the 80’s and 90’s. I recommend this quick read…

[Erin Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is honest. This author is real. I can't imagine being in her situation and the way it was written keeps you connected. Very touching story where the author leaves authentic feelings on the page.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a quick read but one that pulls you from the beginning. The author does a great job building the scenes and the characters. She did a great job narrating her story and how AIDS was stigmatized in the 90’s and how it has evolved.
Her strength is admirable!

[Jill Meyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm always amused when I read a book or an article by a woman who describes her husband or her marriage as "perfect". The term "perfect" is generally used as "Our marriage was 'perfect' BEFORE he" - fill in here a deceit or crime committed by the husband. In her short memoir, "Now Everyone Will Know: The Perfect Husband, His Shattering Secret, My Rediscovered Life", Maggie Kneip writes about discovering in 1991 that her "perfect" husband was gay (or bisexual) and was dying of AIDS.

1991 was ten years or so into the AIDS crisis. Patients were shunned by both society - there was a lack of knowledge on the disease, particularly how it was passed, even in the medical community - and often by their families. Some parents found out their sons were gay, by finding out they had AIDS. Kneip's husband - and the father of their two very small children - John Andrew, a rising star in journalism, had successfully hidden his "other side" from her; from her, his family, his friends, and his co-workers. But Kneip once asked him if he was gay. This was before their marriage when I assume she was trying to guess just how "perfect" he was. I think she saw "something"; a gesture, a habit, something that she questioned. "No", he said, not gay. In fact, Kneip gives us a bit of TMI about what a great (heterosexual) lover he was.

In any case, they were youngish and in love and they married. She had a daughter and then followed with a son. But John was often sick during their marriage and most of the illnesses he had - when put together - were those of AIDS patients. Nobody thought to ask - no doctors, in particular - if John was gay and had contracted AIDS. Because John Andrew was a heterosexual and those guys just didn't get AIDS. But John Andrew had AIDS and his past was finally exposed to his wife and family. And Maggie Kneip was understandably upset; her "perfect" life had fallen apart and she had a husband dying of a disease that she couldn't talk about except to very, very close and supportive friends and family members. After his death, she raised the children and found a new love and finally got to the emotional point where she felt she could admit the horrifying secret of her husband's death.

Maggie Kneip spent many years in deep anger as she searched for a way forward in her life. Part of the anger was over how John could have been so completely thoughtless and exposed her and her children to AIDS. He still could not admit his sexual orientation even as he was dying. He went to his death with secrets he couldn't talk about; maybe being considered "perfect" by others dampens what one can admit, even to oneself. Kneip's book is an interesting look at how life secrets turn into death secrets, even of the most "perfect" of people.

[Torey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am amazed by this book and by Maggie's raw honesty. Her case is a prime example of disenfranchised grief, "They robbed us of our right to mourn him." Both, her strength and anger are felt in every word. She does not try to portray herself as the perfect wife and mother who was wronged. She admits to her own faults which is refreshing and relatable. Her parents were so supportive of her and her relationship with them painted the picture of where her strength came from; she had loving supportive parents. Despite being deceived and accused by her husband, she chose to remain married to him and care for him as much as she was able. I admire Maggie. She deserved somethings she never got, "Over the months, I finally gave up hoping to hear words of apology, remorse, or explanation." My heart broke when I read that line. She had to struggle through this mostly alone. Unable to comprehend the disease itself in a time when it was greatly misunderstood and poorly managed. After she was let down by her husband, people she confided in let her down. It is no surprise she kept her secret for so long. She describes the damage the secret did not to her but to to her husband by saying, "This secrecy and shame swallowed up his legacy, consumed his memory."
I usually avoid memoirs and that is why it took me so long to pick this book up after I received it in the mail. However, I am so glad I did. It was very matter-of-fact and to the point. It wasn't written to leave you in a puddle of tears. It is almost a cautionary tale while at the same time encouraging. I have learned a lot from this book and Maggie that I can use in the nursing field while caring for patients with HIV and AIDS as well as their friends and family. I recommend it to everyone but especially those in the medical field. Thank you for your truth.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now Everyone will Know
The Perfect Husband, his shattering Secret, My Rediscovered Life
by Author Maggie Kneip

This is a very heartbreaking story. The Author is very courageous by sharing her memoir of her marriage, love, loss, betrayal, grief and self discovery. Believing she has the perfect husband, life, then to have it shattered by her husbands cheating, becoming infected with AIDS, losing him, the life they had and keeping the secret for two decades to protect her children from the stigma that comes along with diagnosis of Aids. Especially in the early 80s and 90s. It shows how strong and courageous she was going forward everyday dealing with this. There is hope, even with love, loss , betrayal and redemption. Letting go of the past moving forward to a bright future with her children.

Thanks for sharing your story! Best Wishes!

[Emma Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having received this book in a Goodreads giveaway, I admit I am having a difficult time writing this review. I did not enjoy this book. Instead, it made me cry in public. Confronting subjects such as AIDS is difficult for everyone involved, even me as an unaffected reader. I feel so much sympathy for Maggie Kneip, and I am enormously impressed by the way she handled every challenge life through her way. Read this book if you want a quick and easy read that will stay with you. I can't say this book changed my life, but it did give me a new perspective on deaths caused by AIDS and a reminder that everyone is a victim of death.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading this book. A book about relationships and them not being all that they are supposed to be. And a woman keeps her husbands death a secret for 25 years!!!!! She finally embraces the truth and sets her self free!!!!!

[Susie Spizzirro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now Everyone Will Know: The Perfect Husband, His Shattering Secret, My Rediscovered Life by Maggie Kneip
A story about a family dealing with the stigma attached to the Aids Epidemic and the problems caused by peoples fear. very well done. Thank you for this opportunity read this story.

[Lisa · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I'm glad being gay is much more accepted now than it was when the author's husband got sick and died from AIDS I thought she (Maggie) was annoying and spoiled. Yes you are a great mom. But so are a lot of women. I just couldn't vibe with this book.

[K A · Rating 3 out of 5]

She made her boyfriend "pawn off" his "mangy cat" for her? Jesus Christ, lady.

[Linda Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having a secret is like carrying a rock you can't put down. You can't tell anyone about it and you can't ask for help. Maggie had to carry a bolder-sized rock that affected every aspect of her life. This book came to me just when I needed it most. I absorbed it, dog eared it, highlighted it, and just ate it up. Maggie writes in such a personal way I immediately felt connected her and could relate to her anger, fear, shock . . . Whether or not you've been impacted by AIDS, anyone who has been the victim of the most intimate type of betrayal, sexual betrayal, and/or who has had to carry the burden of a bolder of a secret, will be able to find hope in this book. Maggie provided an example of bravery, tenacity and wisdom that is a roadmap to recovery for victims of betrayal. She's proof there is sunshine on the other side of whatever I'm going through. I'm thankful she was willing to make herself vulnerable to write this book and provide that roadmap.

Maggy's book is also a beautifully written portrayal of how the stigma of homosexuality impacted not just the gay community, but also the lessor told story of how the stigma affected their families. During the late 1970s and early 1980s, I lost way too many of my most precious friends to a disease for which we didn't yet have a name. Maggy's story desperately needs to be told and retold, especially in these polarizing times when we risk repeating the mistakes of the past of discriminating against people and their families because of who they love.

[Marta]

I have no words. Maggie's story reveals the strength and resilience of woman that, not long after she got married to the man of her dreams, has to see him die of AIDS. Extremely stigmatized, she is soon forced to stay silent, and has to face raising her two young children all by herself, struggling to find balance between her need of telling the truth of what really happened to her late husband in order to understand it herself and the consequences that might have for her family.

At the time of the events, HIV was at its peak, and it was oftentimes associated to homosexuality. There was no treatment and to be diagnosed was to be sentenced to death. As much as I enjoyed the story, great part of it revolves around the idea of her coming to terms with what really happened, claiming she actively took part in protests and walks to raise funds for research. I would really have loved it she had focused a bit more on such initiatives, as well as in her further reflections of what had happened back when her husband died. In my opinion, the ending was too rushed, as it could've explained the aftermath of the events much more deeply.

Nonetheless, this was a great read, and it is an opportunity to be able to try to understand one of the deadliest it pandemics that has affected the human species.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met Maggie Kneip in a cabaret workshop. She is a terrific singer, one of the few who can really do contemporary pop music well. Her full, smooth voice and fluid rhythm always bring the usually raucous audience to attention. And she does the same here on the pages of this remarkable story of her marriage, her grief, and her years-long struggle to protect her children from pain and prejudice.The minute you meet young Maggie and Ivy League, cultured, talented, rising-star John Andrew, you're swept up in their romance. She shares the little notes that John leaves for her, the silly and sweet jottings that spice up a marriage. She captures the joy of their daughter's and son's births. And suddenly, you're there on the day only weeks after their son was born that a simple doctor's appointment cracks open their lives. John's diagnosis of AIDS propels Maggie and her babies on a journey of death and denial that will last decades. The way she unpacks her confusing feelings, shows both the good and the bad in the people she had to trust for her children's sake, and learns to admit another man into their lives is pure Maggie--honest, insightful, and utterly compelling.

[Anna Mosca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nicely written it tells a story of pain and shame due to, mostly ignorance, that we all experienced in the 80s and the frenzies and scares and stigma related to AIDS. Heart breaking at the end when getting in touch with pain snd the necessity and courage to tell the truth comes after so many, many years. An important witness I recon and this book, I read it all at once. As an artist teacher I’ve found myself more and more telling young people about the era Aids stroke and it’s many victims, artists such as Haring, Warhol, Basquiat, and find disbelief in their faces when I explain these people were left isolated to die. Aids is real and making victims still today yet I had a few (thank God just a few) parents of the youngest one I talked to asking I will not include Aids, or artists that contracted this deadly disease, in my courses! Unbelievable. I hope this book is read by many as information makes us a better, hopefully, society.

[Jamie Velazquez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this short memoir about grief, heartache, anger, and acceptance. It felt very honest to me, as the writer presented us with her flaws as well as her husband's. As someone who has suffered a fair share of grief over the last few years, I have gravitated to reading about it. Many books seem to stop at the death. This book seemed to share equal parts before, during, and after. We will all deal with grief, but I greatly appreciate people more intelligent than I, whom can discuss it so eloquently, putting many of my jumbled words and feelings into comprehensible thoughts. Reading other people healing helps me with my own. This was a short read, but still strongly written. I felt like I had a real grasp of who they were as a couple and her life and family after. I appreciate the effort and soul searching it takes to write about love, loss, AIDS, and healing.

[Helenk · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was a remarkable story. Having lived through this time period I recognize the power of secrets. I find it amazing how many people push things they believe are shameful deep down inside of them. My husband and I are pretty much open books about things, but have known many others who are not. I respect their right of privacy but really don't understand it. However, the author ran into people whom she thought were her friends who really hurt her. On the other hand, she was very fortunate to be a strong woman and mother and also had a good support system within her family and other acquaintances. I would say this book gives you much to ponder, not only about AIDS but relevant to illness, abuse and many other social issues.

[Koren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think we forget and some of us maybe weren't even born yet, but in the beginning of the AIDS epidemic in the 80's, most people contracting and dying from AIDS were gay men. Do when the author's husband contracts the virus and already had 'full-blown' AIDS when she learned about it, the first question she wanted to know was 'How did he get it?". They had the 'perfect' marriage and hadn't been married very long. The also had a newborn and a 3-year-old. Due to the stigma at the time, she tried to keep her husband's illness a secret. It was many years after his death that she finally came to terms with his secret.

[Don Thomson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maggie and I were ‘77 classmates at William & Mary. So I was interested in reading her story from a same-age perspective. I remember her as a cute, funny sorority girl that mixed well with the fraternity I belonged to. It was painful for me to read how we both started our young adult lives at the same time but circumstances took her down a path most of us would never knew existed at the time. I admire her courage to write this memoir. May she inspire all of us who have had life events go in directions unintended.

[Jenifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for book club and really enjoyed the book. It made me think about how I would deal with a situation like this. I went back and forth between anger and compassion for both husband and wife. I had to remind myself that this all took place when AIDS was new and had it happened now when we know about AIDS they may have had different feelings, emotions and reactions. I like books like this that make you stop and think about your own life and how you would handle situations.

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

While Maggie’s story is heartbreaking, she tells it with such an honest and respectful manner that you feel you are with her and her children during this time of crisis and secrecy in our society. I am so glad that her children have gotten to know the father they lost, that Maggie was able to find a partner in Dave that she needed, and that she too was able to overcome her husband’s infidelity and secrets. Such a strong woman.

[Kristi Norris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a very quick read. It was interesting to see the raw emotions of what betrayal can do to a spirit. And in different times , scenarios can be so different. In a 10-20 year change the entire aspect this disease had on family was much different.

[M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book about the relationship between a woman whose husband dies of HIV in the late 1980s, the paranoia and betrayal of some of those around her, and how society has changed as time has passed.

Worth reading.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved. Quick read and interesting.

[Ashton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fabulous. Heartbreaking and eye opening. It's amazing what she went through and how she came out the other side. Definitely recommend

[Perkimom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brave book about those left behind, without knowledge or closure.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the story of an incredibly brave woman who put one foot in front of the other each day and persevered. We should all be so strong.

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!