Barr remains a terrible writer. I don't think she's been reading my reviews, which contain constructive criticism. "Use your PRONOUNS, Nevada," I yell helpfully as I page through these ghastly tomes. These are actual complete sentences from Boar Island:
Vision cleared.
Chest muscles loosened.
Tears started.
Machinery clanked.
Flesh thudded against the ground.
Shoulders were broad and arms muscled.
Lips were chiseled.
Annoyance returned.
There is one of the worst crimes anyone can commit, using lay instead of lie. There is a dog ________ on the hardwood on p. 4. I can't even type it, it's so obscene. If I were president people would go to reeducation camps for this.
To make up for not knowing any pronouns, Barr invents new verbs. Lots of new verbs, all of them horrifying. "Anna was pelting across the green, sprinting toward the coffee shop." "Anger geysered up Denise's throat..." Did you know that "to snug" means "to park a car"? "Anna snugged the Crown Vic neatly..." "The Miata snugged into darkness by the boathouse." After a few hours of this I mattled my shoulders and vricked a few Germknödel and haighfunked right into the loam.
She thinks Brad Pitt would be a fantasy object for a 16-year-old. Brad Pitt is 52.
She sets a scene in a hospital room with a newborn lying on its stomach. We have known that infants should sleep on their backs (stomach sleeping in the first year is a major risk factor in SIDS) since the early 90s.
So on to the plot. There are two intertwined plots, one idiotic, the other not half bad. The idiotic plot is that in Colorado, where Anna Pigeon and her buddies live, Elizabeth, the 16-year-old daughter of Anna's paraplegic friend Heath is being cyberbullied to the point that she considers suicide. At this moment, Anna receives a summons to fill in for another park ranger at Acadia National Park in Maine. I have been waiting for Barr to set a novel at Acadia, which is my favorite park and really the only one I know well (or at all). Barr blew this opportunity, since very little of the action actually takes place in the park (how do you set a novel there without once mentioning Cadillac Mountain?? Or the Park Loop Road? The Beehive?). Barr even has Anna tell her friends that Acadia is in northern Maine, when actually it is in southern Maine....did she even look at a map?
Heath, Elizabeth, and the elderly Aunt Gwen all inexplicably accompany Anna to Acadia in order to get away from the cyberbully. But naturally the cyberbully follows them to Acadia, because why wouldn't you make your crimes as difficult to carry out as possible? Elizabeth, ensconced on the fictional Boar Island, begins getting threats from the bully. This plot, which involves endless discussions of Heath in her wheelchair, which is called "Robo-Butt," and another contraption which has been designed for her which allows her to walk in a stumbling manner, called "Dem Bones," is beyond tedious, even when it ends in an acid attack at the fictional Cecelia's Coffee Shop in downtown Bar Harbor.
One day Elizabeth disappears from Boar Island and Heath begins to freak out. When Anna arrives, she deduces that Elizabeth has been upset over two live lobsters that will be eaten, and has carried them down to the water in a pail to free them. Elizabeth and the dog, Wily, have disappeared into the Atlantic. It's nearly dusk, and Anna sets out in a boat to find her, along with Heath, because it's always good to have a paraplegic with you in a boat in case anything bad happens. After searching for awhile, they hear barking and spot Wily in the life jacket and Elizabeth holding his head up. What happened? Well, a boy Elizabeth had a crush on took her for a boat ride, but then decided to leave her and the dog in the water rather than return them to Boar Island. (The water temperature of the Atlantic Ocean just off the island is 55 degrees Fahrenheit (12.8 Celsius) all summer long.) For normal people this might result in criminal charges, but everyone decides this boy is terrific and soon the strangeness of his decision is forgotten.
The plot which is actually vaguely interesting involves another female ranger, Denise, who has been working at Acadia for years. She was recently dumped by her live-in boyfriend, also a ranger, and is enraged and bitter. The boyfriend is now married to a much younger woman and they have a newborn baby, while the boyfriend had "forced" Denise to get an abortion. Denise runs into her identical twin (they were separated at birth and haven't seen each other ever) and kills the twin's abusive husband. She begins to plot a fresh start in life, but the twin isn't as eager. The ex-boyfriend naturally changed all the locks when Denise moved out, but he forgot about the doggy door! This thrilled me. Denise uses the doggy door to go in and out of the house when the married couple is not paying attention; she also gives a figurine containing a camera to the baby, which enables her to secretly livestream everything happening in the baby's room.
Aside from a few mentions of Somes Sound and Otter Cove, the fact that Anna is staying in housing at Schoodic Point, and one gratuitous trip Anna makes to Thunder Hole, Barr never really makes Acadia's grandeur felt. She unconvincingly has Denise live in an apartment building on the north side of the island with an underground garage; I don't think there are any underground garages on Mount Desert Island. I'm not even sure there are multistory apartment buildings; I looked at real estate listings. Every rental I saw was a vacation rental.