Pardon My French: How a Grumpy American Fell in Love with France

by Allen Johnson

To make a friend is a joy. To make a friend in another country is a wonderment-a small miracle. Pardon My French follows the lives of an American couple who have embraced a daunting Not to be spectators in France, but to be absorbed by France.Amidst the minefields of linguistic faux pas, the perplexities of French gestures, the exquisite and often exotic cuisine, and the splendor of Christmas on the Mediterranean-see what it is like for an occasionally gruff American to be adopted into a new family. Witness the hugging, the teasing, and the laughter that follows, when nothing on earth could be more perfect. Experience what it is like to fall in love with the French.Follow the adventures of the author as he pits his rather staid and conventional driving skills against the French speed demons of Languedoc. Step into his sneakers as he tests his basketball prowess against the young French bucks adorned with backward ball caps and over-the-knee Chicago Bulls game shorts. Watch how he frolics in the Mediterranean Sea for the first time with a French topless companion. Marvel as he sits in with a world-class French jazz band. Observe him overcome his shyness in talking to the beautiful nude model from his painting class in the studio atop the village police station. Envision how he learns to dance the tango with his head upright, his chest expanded, and his strides befitting a newly adorned French god-one with sensuality on his mind.

Genres: France, Travel, Nonfiction, Memoir

319 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 6, 2015

About the author

Allen Johnson is a bi-lingual doctor of psychology, musician, photographer, and four-time published author (he has 2,000 copies in his garage to prove it).

Allen's career has been expansive. He began as a high school teacher in Kelso Washington and Algeria. Later he was a college professor, manager of training and development, leadership consultant and keynote speaker, and professional photographer and videographer (you can see his work at www.fiphoto.net).

Allen’s most recent work, The Awakening: A Novel of Intrigue, Seduction, and Redemption, is praised as “an intricately weaved narrative, exquisitely written, with characters that come alive in both their complexity and their humanity.”

Reviews

[Lee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Pardon My Shitty Book would be a better title for this book.

The author combines trite observations about life in France (when you pronounce something differently, it means something different) with that sense of humor of that weird uncle who never got married and had a bit too much wine at Thanksgiving dinner (he does an insulting impression of French people and is shocked, shocked to find they do not find it as funny as he does).

In truth, I don’t think anyone finds this guy as funny as he himself does, which is the main problem with this book. He thinks he is funny, but he is not. He thinks he has witty observations on France, but he does not.

[Lyne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I seldomly read autobiographies. As a French Canadian, born and raised in Quebec City, I had a few good chuckles at the author’s experiences living in France. I also understand the difficulties of adapting to a new culture and language as I have both learned and worked in the English environment and also lived in Germany for three years.
I really don’t know why the author describes himself as a “Grumpy American”. He’s definitively not grumpy. I would describe him as overly friendly which is good, however, towards the end of the book it comes across as "look at me”, overbearing and pretentious.
Overall, I found it to be a good read with funny anecdotes. You definitely have to laugh at yourself while learning a new language. You certainly make some ‘faux pas’ as you talk to others.
This book is good for anyone who enjoys travelling. And remember, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”.

[Len · Rating 3 out of 5]

Certainly fit nicely in my favourite genre of books set in France, and the benefits - and frustrations - of living there, and there were some lovely anecdotes of helpful friends lending hands. The only drawback for me was my perception of the author, who often seems like, were I to spend time with him, I would probably find a bit of an overbearing showboat.

[John Carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Allen Johnson’s book ”Pardon My French: How a Grumpy American Fell in Love with France” is fresh, and everything he describes seems to be seen for the first time. France and the many French people he encounters are described with a mixture of sympathy and surprise. He forms many close relationships with people who are real, original, never chosen according to a model or expectation. He travels widely, his mind is open. His encounters are unscripted and the writing is excellent.
Allen Johnson first came to France in 1971 when the Vietnam War was raging. He was a conscientious objector, granted alternative service with the Mennonites. He enlisted with his wife for a three-year term, one year in Grenoble to learn French followed by two years in Algeria where they taught English in a Berber mountain village. In Grenoble on a lark he entered an acting school to help learn French. It was a genial idea; the two weeks there were full of surprises that he described with a rollicking sense of humor.
Thirty-one years later he returned to France. Now he describes a full immersion for twelve months. It was not easy. “Learning a second language as an adult can be infuriating. How can I describe the feeling? It’s opening night at the theater, and no one comes. No, that’s not right. It’s opening night; the house is packed; you have the lead and can’t remember a single line…. No, no, that’s not it either. You know all your lines, and the reviews are unanimously unkind. Worse than unkind. They are brutal.” Later he admits to a French friend, “I know, my accent is terrible” and the friend replies, “Oh no, Allen, you are too hard on yourself. Your French is not terrible; it is only abominable.” It is too early to fish for any compliments.
In the course of the year he has many experiences. Always curious he takes part in many activities: he joins a hiking group, takes dancing lessons, also painting lessons. His openness is spontaneous and infectious, he has a great gift for turning all strangers into friends whether French or non-French. This is fully reflected in the approach to writing in his book and in his relation to the reader. In the US he played the guitar and cornet and sang before audiences; in France he was also a performer, playing the guitar, cornet and singing. In one dramatic scene he plays with a famous jazz nightclub, performing what he calls “vamping”-- this was improvisation with the full-scale participation of all of the instrumentalists. For a while they entered “into the zone.” The performance was very successful.
One of the funnier moments—there are many of them-- is when he confuses the French expression for “stand in line,” faire la queue, with another quite different expression. In a post office in the south of France he asks a woman if she wanted “to make a cul.” The difference in the two monosyllabic vowel sounds: [ko, ky] is miniscule. The first means to stand in line. Only later he learned that the second vowel might be translated colloquially as “to be humped.”
“Her eyes flashed, and her nose flared. I thought she was going to roundhouse me. Three or four others who had overheard my indiscreet proposal whipped around, staring in disbelief. There was a deathly silence, as a drop of sweat trickled down my spine. At that moment, I wondered how the food was in a maximum security lockup. And then, thank God they laughed. Frankly, I think it was my blue jeans, tennis shoes, and baseball cap that saved me. Et voila. An American. What do you expect?”
Johnson makes many interesting observations, often with wit and humor. He has a great appreciation of French food. During a hike, “I surveyed the other hikers who were scattered in twos and threes around us. It was a culinary orgy in full swing, right there in the backwoods of Languedoc. People were eating rabbit, artichokes, and pasta salads. They had apples and bananas and pears and, by my count, nine different types of cheeses. Then, every three or four minutes, one of the hikers would make the rounds to share a tasty delight. Later my cup was replenished with three types of regional wine—two reds and a rose.” At the very end it is topped by what was called a “canard”: a block of sugar that is saturated in the mouth with Calvados, apple brandy. It set my chest ablaze. In between the wine and Calvados I was offered slices of saucisson (large smoke-cured sausage), Cantal cheese, three types of cookies and some homemade dark chocolate.” Then coffee is made over the camp stove on a miniature espresso machine.
He cannot resist quoting Charles deGaulle who claimed that no one could unite a country that has 265 different kinds of cheese. Some French authors of books on French cheeses have put the number at 452 varieties, or as high as 750.
Johnson has some fine pages on the 1968 revolution that changed many things in French society, especially in education and the teaching in schools. A friend explained to him:, “We are the children and grand-children of those who protested on the streets in 1968. Johnson has many interesting conversations, always described in his relaxed, inventive prose style, usually humorous and coining original turns of phrase. There is an interesting discussion of the concept “la France profonde” and what the phrase means. It is often used to capture the deep village and agrarian culture of France. According to one friend, tradition and safety in France are synonymous.
Johnson had several clashes. This is probably par for the course in France where individuals have strong opinions, and where sugary euphemisms are not in fashion. One person was offended by him, telling him he ought to go back home to the US where he came from. Several times he was simply ignored. Johnson’s year in France the time when there were many French demonstrations against Bush’s war in Iraq, and more pointedly against the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld doctrine of “pre-emptive war.” For the French this was a horror. It was the time when most of the US media supported the war, and there was talk of changing the words for “French fries” or French toast” to “freedom fries” and “freedom toast” because the French did not support the US line at the time.
During one nervous moment the author tells a friend, “I get the sense you are leading up to something, Francois. What is it?” The friend explains there is going to be a public demonstration in Montpellier to protest President Bush’s push for a war in Iraq. Would he like to go? Johnson feared it was an anti-American march. Of course, it was. But his friend convinced him it was more anti-war than anti-American, and he consented to participate. More than 20,000 French citizens turned out for the march in Montpellier.
“France is a small country,” his friend tells him. “I offered, ‘About the size of Texas.’” “Yes,” Francois said with a smile, “but not quite so va-t-en guerre, so ready to go to war. We know the bitter taste of war. Our beaches and hillsides are soaked with our blood and, as we both know, American blood. Enough is enough, don’t you think? It’s time to stop the killing?”

[Perry · Rating 2 out of 5]

It started off well, but somewhere along the way it came across as "look at me" and then "here's my new friends and me having a good time". Perhaps I was expecting something different.

[Sherry Sharpnack · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Pardon My French:..." was an enjoyable quasi-travelogue/language lesson by a writer who spent two years in France, the years separated by a stint back home in Washington State.
I have to agree w/ other reviewers that the writer is very self-impressed, but his ego takes more of a back seat as the book goes along. I even began to appreciate that he would try anything, even if he was exposing himself to possible humiliation,. He begins talking about more of the great things about the French culture, and less about the ones that were very disconcerting to him as an American, especially the lousy customer service and lack of personal responsibility in said service. He finally got used to drinking wine and learned to actually enjoy it, and waxed rhapsodic over the French habit of lingering over meals, upwards of three hours sometimes. I admire his persistence in his language lessons, spending a couple of hours every day at it even while in France. And again, he could laugh at himself when he didn't understand an idiom or subtle connotation to what he'd said. I also enjoyed the tales about the various clubs in which he participated; some of the stories were laugh-out-loud funny. I couldn't help wondering what his wife was doing while he was spending hours learning to paint or going hiking?
I will round down to 4 stars after some ruminating, b/c again, he was pretty self-impressed, and this simply wasn't the type of book to which I can assign a rave review. Enjoyable, but not overly memorable.

[Sunhawk · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first chapters were a bit of a hard march, because the author was honest about his efforts to reform the French in his own image, a classic error of anglophones encountering a different culture. (After all, since everyone speaks English, we must be the best at everything, right?) My own experience in Johnson's Midi differs in details as well as general ambience from his: I found the French eager to struggle to understand my California-accented high school French, pleased that I would at least try; a hearty Bonjour upon entering the bakery for our morning croissants was greeted with warmth and patience.
As the book moved on, I saw that it was a sort of bildungsroman, recounting his developing empathy and understanding for the French and their very different boundaries and enthusiasms. The author began his first year in France as a bit of a boor, a maker of off-color sexual jokes that made even this west-coast American cringe, but by the end of the year, he was appreciating the French, and they were appreciating him. Nice character development, made more remarkable by the fact that its documentation was recorded by the character doing the developing.
Even so, I found the author's absolute certainty that he alone had decoded French behavior faulty and replete with typically American over-simplification. Traveling -- as distinct from touring, 5 countries in 7 days -- is, if one's flexible and open-minded, amazingly educational, and one of the best lessons is that many of one's home-grown prejudices simply don't apply. Johnson may have realized this concept by the end of the book, I couldn't be sure, but I think his experience, and the book, would have been better if he had started with that attitude. His unjustified self-confidence doesn't motivate me to seek any of his other writings.

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very light and extremely cheerful. Not the best of the 'foreigner living in France' genre, but readable.

[Trish Slyter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed how every chapter touched on a different subject. And I did feel like I learned something new. At times I found the author a little pretentious, but maybe with good reason. He is quite educated! Overall, a good read for anybody who enjoys travel writing.

[Alison Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Memoir. An okay read .For a full review go to http://thebooksmithblog.com

[Linda Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some was interesting and philosophical; lots about the author though. Not much about his wife. Culture at the beginning was very interesting.

[Laurie · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF. For a guy who claims to be tolerant and appreciative of other countries, he doesn’t write that way.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable light-hearted read about an American in France. He offers some interesting insights in the differences between American and French culture, and writes some amusing anecdotes. Nothing too deep or memorable, but I still enjoyed it.

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am left feeling grumpy - I was expecting something more along the line of Hotel Pastis, not a manual of how to live in France, with some anecdotes thrown in.

[Pauline · Rating 4 out of 5]

I miss France so much. It’s been 5 years since we’ve been there due to our 2020 trip being cancelled due to Covid. We are now planning our 2022 trip—too been too long since we visited our favorite country.

I enjoyed this book a lot and would love to spend a year living in France. The notes on culture, customs and courtesy were mostly things I knew but a couple gave me some new insight. We, too, have “family” in France and so I enjoyed reading about his developing friendships—I did, however, wonder where his wife was in the book. It appeared he went out and did his own thing and basically ignored her. Beware, it is full of pride and bragging about all he can do and all his experiences. That was a bit irritating, but the book was an interesting and fun read.

[Darlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love a book that makes me laugh out loud and "Pardon My French" did just that a few times. Allen Johnson has a skill where he can describe characters in a few sentences and you can just picture them in your mind.

Other reviewers have commented that to them, it feels like Johnson is showing off at times, but I think this is just part of his exuberant personality. He is probably fun to be around for anyone, not just French speakers, thus he developed a small group of devoted friends during his time in France.

I enjoyed the comparisons between American and French habits, and learned more about French cuisine, the people and the countryside. Fun read!

[Oksana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! I would say it's like French version of "Watching the English", but much more personal and interesting. It highlights the qualities and features of French though the story of Allen. Few things, which author found different about French comparing to American (style of driving, service etc), for me, being Ukrainian, were not surprise at all. I even found that very similar to what I experienced at home.
Overall liked the stories, I found myself smiling quite a lot while listening to this book.
Positive vibe.

[Todd Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Allen Johnson moves to France from the US and learns about their culture. He sees a world very different from our own from a topless companion to meeting a world-famous French jazz band.

Along the way, he also shares how living in France changes him. He gains an appreciation of the greatness of their culture and sometimes the problems that France faces.

I liked the parts where he shares incite on the French people and their language and food the best. If you want to gain insight into the French world from an American perspective this is the book to read.

[Sue Munson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a useful book to read. Mr. Johnson's discussion of the French was not judgmental and very understandable. He noted how they differ from Americans but accepted and even appreciated those differences. It is obvious that he enjoyed living in France and experienced it to the fullest. It is also clear that he made many French friends and loved and respected them. I have traveled some in France and will be returning soon. I'm glad I read this book in preparation for my next trip. Perhaps I should have read it sooner.

[Ruth Glover · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed it; learned new French expressions

I liked the anecdotes, and the author's sense of humor. I laughed out loud. Finding housing would not have been funny at the time. As I haven't been to France for many years, I enjoyed hearing new phrases. The five course meals made me hungry. It was a little long in the hiking scenes, can be explained that I don't hike.

[Beverly Hollandbeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

I consider someone who leaves the country and goes to live in another country to be an example of bravery. The author spends a year in France, then a year at home in America, then returns to France, and does it effortlessly. True, there were customs and language and attitudes to figure out, but he and his wife got through those gracefully and made many friends. This was a vicarious read for me.

[Linda Heller · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful romp through the eyes of someone who had a true French experience. He met such amazing, genuine people, explored so much and so did the reader through his incredible descriptions. I laughed, I learned so much about the French people outside of Paris and i brushed up on my French. The author’s descriptions and antics made me feel I was there with him.

[Chandan Pandey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now, I love this kind of book where each chapter is a story of its own, yet when read together, they make complete sense.
I was a bit disappointed at the start of the book but then by the end, I cried out with joy.
My life philosophy not only resonates with the author but it is my long term goal to be world-citizen like him,

[Lynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delightful and heartwarming account of an American couple navigating the subtle and not so subtle cultural differences as they spend a year in France. Best of all are the friendships formed and the discovery that they are indeed true citizens of the world.

[Sharon Graff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting depiction of an American in France.

I liked the author’s descriptions of the places and people he interacted with. He behaves like an overgrown child and the French appreciate his love of the land, language and culture.

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like to read books like this as I have family in France, and it helps me to understand them more. The beginning of the book was charming, but then maybe I just was not so interested in the author’s particular experiences.

[Edward L · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Review

This was an excellent story about everything French that is told with love and humor. Although it is told from an American's perspective it is definitely French but with a unique global view.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful book to read before you travel to France. It gives the reader good insight into the customs and traditions that go along with French culture It is also a very entertaining and humorous book even if you are not going to France.

[Sheri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stick with it

The first quarter of the book was very choppy and I wasn't sure where it was going. But as I kept moving, it brought together beautiful themes of friendship and how we can relate through cultures.

[Linda Cousens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Living in France for a year, adapting to a new culture, is an experience I have had myself. This book is full of funny stories of the experiences of an American couple who find joy in their year in France.