“Better Without: The Unraveling of My Safety Net” Is the third book of a four part poetry series written from 2008 – 2015. These four books cover my daily struggle with trying to live a normal life while trying to survive and hide my severe and chronic mental illness. Similar to the first book “The Madness: And My Decent Into It” the content was intended to be my suicide note, but unlike the first book I have yet to find my way out of the darkness. I intended on finally leaving this world on November 26th 2014; due to a series of events I am still trying to understand six days before my planned day; I was robbed of finally having a quite mind. I am still lost within the darkness with each day seeming worst than the last. I shouldn’t even be writing this, I should be free. I believe when my day comes it will be by my own hands, when my day comes I hope the contents of these four books and any that may follow will provide my children some comfort and lesson the sadness they may feel as a result of my decision. If I can provide them with some insight into my suffering they would be able to grieve my loss, but be thankful I now have a quite mind. This is the last book in the series where the content is unedited and arranged in the exact order as my intended suicide note.
In the beginning of 2014 I discovered I could draw, which came during a critical time in my life, hanging my drawings on my office wall resulted in positive reinforcement about something I did. The chance to become more than what I am; drove me to continue to learn and improve so I could continue hearing positive things about myself. When I discovered I could combine my art and poetry into one art form called Ekphrasis. I wanted to see what this altered reflection I saw in the mirror would become; My altered reflection became The Random Artist. The drawing on the cover is from the poem “Better Without”
If you are interested in checking out the growth and continuous evolution of The Random Artist please visit www.therandomartist.net to see all my art and other products. My site is still a work in progress, and I am sure it always will be until I no longer am.
Tim’s childhood was far from typical, and more times than not it was filled with rejection and turmoil. Labeled a “lost cause” in school he was rarely praised contributing to his seed of insecurity. The one thing he vividly remembers; was the day his fifth grade teacher recognized his talent for writing. It was the first time he had genuinely heard something positive about him; he started to believe he was worth more than what he was. At the end of the school year his teacher said she wouldn’t be surprised to see his name on a published book. I wonder if she realized the profound effect this statement had on him; from that moment on Tim’s dream was to become a writer.
His journey into the artistic world began when he put pen to paper and began to write his final words to his family. He started to record his raw emotional turmoil in the form of poetry, with the hopes his family would understand the pain he was in. His unfiltered honesty, in what he thought of as confessional writing led to the publication of his second book “The Madness: And My Decent Into It Book #1 of 4.
After reading various reviews of his first book, he discovered through confessional writing he was able to reach people who found solace and meaning in his words. Knowing poetry is a dying art he wanted to try and reach a wider audience and entered the world of blogging, this gave him another outlet to do what he was unable to do in real life; exposing his vulnerable side. The sad reality is no one knows the real me, but for some reason when I lay it all out there for any of my readers I am showing the real me.
Unfortunately as his dream was becoming a reality he suddenly stopped writing and went dark. Tim’s passion for confessional writing as an art form sparked back to life when he discovered he could draw in 2014. While working on his learning list he came across a quote by Leonardo da Vinci “Painting is Poetry which is seen and not heard and Poetry is a painting which is heard and not seen.” This quote had a profound effect on rekindling his dream, and where his motto “Where the visual and the verbal become one.” He discovered his poetry and artwork could work in harmony into what is referred to as ekphrastic poetry. This newly discovered knowledge began his transformation into The Random Artist.
Since childhood Tim has had a loving relationship with comics, and included some Comic Book Fan Art on his ETSY shop. The few he had on his site caught the attention of Wizard World, and was extended an invitation to the 2015 Comic Con held in May. This was one of his greatest accomplishments and validation of his work. Staying true to his name Tim started to focus some of his drawings on subject matter he has been passionate about his entire life. The experience and feedback he received during this event added another goal/dream of traveling throughout the U.S. attending as many Comic Con’s as possible.
One of the few things he is proud of himself for is his ability to be a true confessional writer; regardless of the negative feedback and damaged relationships his writing has caused he has not wavered, and continues to stay true to himself and his readers. Tim considers Justin Furstenfeld from Blue October to be the greatest confessional writer, like his fifth grade teacher Justin Furstenfelds honesty, and the impact he has made in his life and the impact he has made on his millions of fans reminded Tim of the impact confessional writers can have on other people’s lives.
Some have criticized, and advised against combing his poetry and art together due to the ‘dark’ or ‘somber’ undertones, of his poems, but Tim would tell you his intent is not to create art that is universal, even if it results in lost sales. Rather his intent is staying true to himself as a confessional writer to arose the mind and evoke a personal emotional connection between his words and the reader. Putting his own personal spin on ekphrasis as an art form; he started
I originally was introduced to this series of books by the author at WizardWorld Comicon. Being a fan of dark stories, true events, along with the need for poetry for the upcoming Speech and Debate season, I couldn't resist. The third book is one of the most unique in my opinion. This book takes elements from both of the previous ones, especially that of the first. As it is stated in the synopsis of the book, both book 1 and 3 were planned to be suicide notes. You can see that in a good chunk of the poetry in this tale. The emotion is one of the strongest in this book, only surpassed so in my opinion on the fourth. One part of the stories which I have failed to address is the political poems that are dispersed throughout the path in the story. Personally I believe these poems to add the most to the overall message Lundmark is attempting to show to the reader. By having a account of politics and the world state, along with the problems at home, it adds an additional layer of worry and drama to the equation that exceedingly aids the flow of the tale.